Latest / Sometimes There's Side Eye / STSE #71: Frustration on Both Ends of the Leash

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STSE #71: Frustration on Both Ends of the Leash · Sometimes There's Side Eye

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  Welcome to Sometimes Their Side Eye, a podcast about two friends
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  having real and unfiltered conversations about dogs and
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  people. Listen as we talk about our
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  lives with dogs, training, behavior, share some laughs and
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  a whole lot of banter. I'm Heather.
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  And I'm Christy. What are we talking about this
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  week, Christy? This week we are talking about
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  frustration in humans about their dogs.
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  Oh boy. I thought it was a good time as
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  as the new year is starting, everyone's kind of doing some
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  self reflection and thinking about how they want to be
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  better. And I thought this topic was
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  very timely for that because I personally have been dealing
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  with some frustration with Jackson in very specific areas.
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  I still think he's the best boy, but there's been some specific
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  areas I'm very frustrated with him in and I thought it's time
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  for me to reflect on that and and also, you know, give
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  everyone else a chance to reflect on their own frustration
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  too. Well, and I'm pretty sure you
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  don't listen to the podcast ever if you don't know that I get
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  frustrated with Trin and the Bulldog, although the Bulldog is
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  like my Bulldog frustration has pretty much been eliminated at
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  this point. So yeah.
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  He's he's chilled quite considerably.
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  He has chilled and his non reaction to Trin being mean.
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  By him. Bonus points.
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  It has like gone a long way. Yes, he his his ability to
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  control and not react to her when she's being a little over
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  the top has gotten him big points for me.
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  So yeah. And I feel like it goes right in
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  line, like the whole frustration thing, because I sent Christy a
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  meme that I saw the other day and this goes along with it.
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  I saw a meme that said what a privilege it is to be challenged
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  by the dog I once dreamed of having.
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  And to say that hit me hard would be the a very big
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  understatement. And there there is frustration
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  with trend. But like, I also asked for her
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  smarts. She's really smart.
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  Yeah, she really is. And I asked for that.
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  You wanted to dog with drive and you receive that.
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  I, I got my level up dog as asked for and prescribed and I,
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  I need to level up my game. So we're going to talk about
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  frustration. So why don't we start with
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  whatever you want to start with? Because I'm sure you have a list
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  over there. I, I do, you know, I do.
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  Well, I thought first of all, sometimes when we think about
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  these episodes, I ask myself the question like, why does it
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  matter if we talk about this? And so I did want to kind of lay
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  the groundwork to me why it matters that we dive into it. 1
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  so you better understand yourself and your dog.
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  I think just a baseline there. So we can avoid it in the
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  future. If we if we understand what is
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  frustrating, we can avoid these frustration outbursts in the
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  future. It's always good to be
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  holistically aware. It's something I'm constantly
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  working on. We also want to avoid taking out
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  our issues on our docs when it's our issue and then to be able to
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  evaluate criteria our expectations realistically so.
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  Where do we want to start? I mean, I think that's just kind
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  of why why we want to do it. I'll just start with my
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  situation. And none of this is coming from
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  a place of judgement in any way. It's more about recognizing and
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  like, is there anything we can do to eliminate that frustration
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  in the future? Because that just feels better
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  for everyone. Absolutely, yeah.
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  So what's frustrating you right now?
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  I think I know what you're going to say.
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  I went back to agility. This is like.
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  I mean, did we not say? And here we are.
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  But I understand why, because Jackson really does love it.
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  He does like it. And he's good, He's good.
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  I'm not as convinced, but yes, he's.
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  He is good. And so we, we've gone to a new
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  trainer, we came into this new training Class A little more
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  advanced than than the beginner training class and not quite
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  where we should be to be in this class.
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  You had an in betweener. You're an in betweener right
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  now. Yeah, they put me in the more
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  advanced class and said you'll catch up.
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  It's not a problem. It's been a tough catch up.
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  It's so tough for both of us. And my biggest frustration right
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  now is Jackson will disengage, which he had never done before,
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  but now he disengages with me and he goes to find treats that
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  other people have dropped on the ground.
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  And because his nose is so good, he 100% of the time finds
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  treats. There has never been a time he's
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  run off and not found treats. And so it's 100% rewarding for
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  him to disengage with me and go find treats.
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  The self rewarding behavior. Is the most.
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  Frustrating behavior and I don't regret doing this at all.
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  In his training when I got him, when I first got him he was.
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  We would call him reactive but to other dogs, but it was
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  because he was super social, overly social.
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  Overly aroused at times. Depending on yeah, about of a
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  dog, yeah, big feelings like he just wanted to be with all the
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  other dogs. So we did a lot of treat
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  scatters, a lot of single treat tosses where he'd go and find
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  one treat and come back, those types of things.
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  So he has for a year and a half been condition that if things
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  are over the top, he goes and sniffs, he goes and roots around
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  in the grass and he finds treats and he calms himself down and
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  it's all very rewarding. I wouldn't actually change that
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  training. I think it was more important
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  than agility, to be honest. I agree.
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  But it does contribute to his behavior now and how much it's
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  been reinforced for him. So now I'm working through, do
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  we continue doing agility? Do we do we change the way we're
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  training? How do we do that?
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  And I definitely got so frustrated with him the one
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  night in class and I, I was really on the verge of like
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  being super angry with him, but I thought, OK, before I get over
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  the top frustrated, I'm just going to end the game.
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  And I did. And I what I wanted to do was I
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  throw him in the kennel, slammed the door.
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  Real feelings, man. To be out here.
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  What I did instead was I picked him up, I carried him back to
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  his kennel because he's of course off leash.
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  So I take him back to the kennel and I put him in and I just
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  calmly closed the door and, and then we went on our business and
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  somebody had said like, you're not going to let him finish?
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  And I said, no, he's not. He's not actually playing the
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  game anymore. So we're just going to end it
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  where I sat back with myself was I, I was like, why am I so
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  frustrated? Because I, if you met Lucy,
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  you're you have to be wondering like, why would you be
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  frustrated about that? This that dog was like doing her
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  own thing all the time. And gave you the middle finger
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  every day, Yeah. Jackson's a different dog.
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  Also, I personally don't enjoy agility.
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  I don't like it. I find it frustrating myself.
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  I find I'm not athletic enough to do it well.
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  I find it very tough mentally to keep track.
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  And you know what? Also, just a side note, it's not
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  helpful for people to say it's not hard.
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  They're all numbered. Once I will tell.
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  You it's hard. Just don't debate it with them.
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  Let them think it's. Hard it is hard.
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  Agility is one of the hardest sports if you are doing it well
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  and keeping your dog healthy while you're doing it, like it
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  is a hard, hard sport. It's one of the reasons why I
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  don't do it right now. I I don't have the bandwidth to
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  do agility. So I do totally get it.
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  Can I just say I would also venture to say that another
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  piece of frustration is that Jackson has excelled at every
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  single sport that you have tried one. 100%.
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  And this sport is next level with what it requires.
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  And it he did take to it immediately in the beginner
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  class. It was like, damn, off he goes.
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  But now you're upping your skill game because you're getting to
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  more advanced. And that I think is a piece of
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  it too, because you're just like, what the hell.
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  Like, he has been perfection. And like, just add water with
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  every single thing we've tried. Absolutely.
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  Yeah. And that's valid.
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  The best in the class to the absolute worst like asking can
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  we go back to the beginner class like what is nothing?
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  So OK, you take him, you end the game.
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  Yeah. And so and we're still working
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  out what what it looks like for me, but from or for him for us
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  as a team. But for me, what was important
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  was sitting back and saying why am I frustrated with this?
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  And a lot of it, it for sure comes from he's been good.
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  It's been easy to train him up until this point.
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  We haven't had major issues to work through.
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  But a lot of it came down to, I am doing this for you.
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  I don't even want to do this, but I am doing it for you.
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  And if you can't participate in the way you're supposed to, then
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  I don't want to do it. And it sounds so terrible to say
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  out loud, but that's what it really came down to for me.
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  If I was enjoying it as much as him, I don't think the struggle
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  would be like when we came across the speed bump.
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  We I'd be like, let's let's be excited, let's work through it
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  together. I'm like, I didn't even want to
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  do this. Yeah.
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  And I and I said to you, if you all are not enjoying it together
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  and you this is not fulfilling for both of you at some level,
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  then what are you doing? And that is something that
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  you're sitting with. But you also do make a very good
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  point in that agility is a super rewarding sport for him and you
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  in that it expels a lot of energy for him.
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  And so in that way you are winning.
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  And so it's not as simple as well if you don't enjoy it.
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  Christy, like he never, he's not going to know if he doesn't go
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  to agility on Wednesdays. OK, fair.
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  But Christy will know in a different way.
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  Yeah. In fact, all of our sports have
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  been shut down for the last two weeks for for the holidays.
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  I am feeling it with him. He has not had to think or
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  really struggle through anything and that energy is not being
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  expelled with walks or even really like a play group.
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  Yeah. Like needs to think about some
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  stuff. Well, and agility is local to
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  you in comparison to say barn hunt.
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  So like that's a piece of it too, the travel aspect of it
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  because we do drive so far to get there.
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  So there's like other factors as well, but it's like it is
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  something that like you are really trying to work through
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  and the frustration is real. Yeah, it is real.
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  Not as simple as just getting rid of agility.
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  If I get rid of it, what am I replacing it with?
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  Because he still needs something to do, the outlet, some sort of
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  training, some sort of event or not event, What sport to be in.
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  I think still on the table is you guys doing agility together,
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  but how do we figure out what needs to change about the
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  picture if this picture isn't working?
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  So just for example, we have discussed Christy trying a
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  different place, trying an indoor facility, trying just a
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  different trainer that maybe has other ideas that, you know,
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  'cause everyone has different experience, like different class
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  structure, different, all different things.
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  And what does that look like? And you know, the bacon worked
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  for a little bit. It did, yeah.
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  Yeah, one of the thinkers did was I upped his reinforcement
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  and it may be something where we rotate out high level
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  reinforcement to stay with me, you know?
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  I guess you're going to have to do some like dried salmon skin
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  or like some like wacky kind of stuff.
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  You know, I think the bacon was super smart because if the ask
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  is very big, then the reinforcement has to be very
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  big. And Christy was super, super
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  smart. I was getting all nerdy about it
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  and like, breaking things down and being like, well, maybe you
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  have to like, go back and start with your foundations and duh
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  and duh. And Christy goes, yeah,
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  Christy's like, how about I try bacon?
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  And I'm like, how about you're so smart?
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  I like to go for the least intrusive option and then work
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  up from there. It was amazing.
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  No, it was really smart. It was really, really smart.
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  I got way too in my head and into the weeds about it, so I
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  love. That I was with you.
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  I was like wading through the weeds with you.
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  And then was like, wait a minute.
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  Yeah. What about?
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  I think something that you do really, really well is, OK, this
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  thing is frustrating. Why is it happening?
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  Why is the dog doing it? What are they getting out of it?
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  Where's that foundation from? What's rewarding about it for
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  them trying to really, really figure out the base of where
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  it's coming from? And I think that that is
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  something that has so much value across dogs in general, because
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  we're sitting here and we're like, oh, Fluffy does, man, we
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  really pick on Fluffy. Fluffy does XYZ and it drives
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  you absolutely bonkers. But like, why is Fluffy doing
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  that? Where is it coming from?
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  Dogs don't do things unless it's rewarding in some way, even if
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  the reward is making a consequence go away.
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  Like there's exactly the reward might be relief, but at the end
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  of the day, they're looking for a reward, positive or negative
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  at the end of the day. And so sitting back and really
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  looking at it, at the picture and being like, what is the
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  reward? Where is this coming from?
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  Why is this happening? And then I think it's kind of
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  funny and really humbling to realize, oh, oh, I taught.
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  This. I highly reinforced this
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  behavior and it's humbling in a good way in that then you can go
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  hoops. This isn't him, this is me.
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  Yeah, yeah. Like it makes me think about.
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  I do not feel that I can ever be frustrated with Trin for pawing
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  at a box in scent work ever. Right?
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  Because if y'all remember, the trick I taught Trin for puppy
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  class was to tip a box and tipping a box required her
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  pawing at said box. And I did not have the foresight
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  until after I was about 75% done that this could potentially be a
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  problem in scent work. And so I do not have, I don't
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  think it would be fair. Could I get frustrated?
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  Yes. Is it fair?
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  No, it's not fair. And I don't get frustrated about
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  it. I when she does it, I recognize
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  like, oh, oh, like I asked for this.
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  And if she's giving me that behavior, then she's frustrated
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  about something that we're doing because she actually knows what
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  game we're playing and she's offering me something else,
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  right? So like, I have to step back and
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  be like, oh wow, something is not connecting.
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  We're not communicating correctly.
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  And now she's offering this thing that's just like Bam, and
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  it's a Bam that I reinforce. Yeah, it is.
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  Yeah. Yep.
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  I think I see a lot of frustration in agility overall.
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  Like the sport really brings up everyone in that class hard
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  sport and frustrated. And I know these are nice people
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  and I've now been in class with them for 12 weeks.
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  I know they are kind. I know they love their dogs.
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  There have been moments where I've gone with every single one
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  of them. And I'm sure there's moments
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  that they've done the same with me like.
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  But one thing I've noticed is this thought process of you've
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  done it before and viewing learning as a linear scale.
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  You've done it before so you can do it again.
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  And now there's no, no buffer zone or no soft landing when
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  when the dog's like, no, it turns out that it's scary again,
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  like it's scary. I've done a lot of things that I
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  honestly can't do again. I did a lot of things in my
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  youth regarding heights, but I'm terrified of heights now.
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  It's like, it's very awful. But I couldn't, I couldn't go on
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  a zip line or, you know, jump off, you know, a bungee jump.
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  I can't do that, Stephanie. I am literally terrified.
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  But I did it before, so why can't you do it again?
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  Well, and I think that we are constantly reminding each other.
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  And I remember you telling me that one night then when you
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  were like over the top, like just, Oh my God, the the night
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  you put him in his kennel, took him off the course.
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  I remember saying to you, you have to remember, like you are
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  at a different field, you're with different people, you have
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  a different instructor. The grass smells different, the
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  like lights are different. You know, there's so many things
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  that go into what is building to that that mess, you know, that
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  you're sitting in. And the frustration could be
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  coming from so many different angles and just coming together
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  to make this explosion where he's literally just like, you
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  know what? I can't, and he's defaulting to
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  this reinforced behavior. Right.
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  Yeah, There is a dog in our class who is terrified of the
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  teeter. Terrified.
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  And he will offer other behaviors when he sees the
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  teeter coming. He will run through a tunnel, do
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  the jump twice, anything to try to get around the teeter.
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  And then his owner got him across the teeter.
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  Lots of treats, lots of slow reinforcement, making sure it
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  didn't bang, all the right things.
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  I felt like watching. I was like, yeah, this is really
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  scary for the dog, but his owner is being so kind in it.
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  And then once he did it once. He didn't want to do it the next
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  week. And she goes, you did it before,
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  get on here. And he was like, no, it's real
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  scary tonight. It is a monster and I can't do
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  it. And she just grabbed that that
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  collar and drug him up by his neck, put him on there.
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  And I thought, oh, like that relationship, he is now scared
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  and the person he trusts is now the enforcer of the scary thing
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  like that and. It's such a human response.
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  It is. It is such a human.
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  We are not judging that person. I have been there.
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  So many. Times like it is such.
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  A human in my heart like. A new yeah, you're like, that's
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  my soul. I feel it.
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  I I know that we are always going to have moments where we
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  don't succeed, where where we don't.
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  We are not our best selves, and our dogs have moments where they
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  are not their best selves. Absolutely, yeah.
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  And so, yeah. I mean, it's OK to just have an
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  off night. Yeah, yeah, I I really
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  truthfully do try. I try.
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  I fail a lot, but I do try to think how do I want my dog to
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  see me? How do I want my dog to perceive
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  our relationship? What do I what, what are my
• 21:56
  relationships hashtag relationship goals?
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  What are my relationship goals? You know, and, and am I?
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  Am I getting there? Am I, or at least putting in my
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  best effort? Yeah, yeah.
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  Which I think brings us to like another good point of
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  comparison, like how we want to be seen by others, which I want
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  to be seen as kind. But also like there's a lot of
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  people who want to be seen as successful with their dog.
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  And that's OK too. But that comes into the
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  frustration aspect. But also comparing one dog to
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  other dogs in your, in your home and comparing your current dog
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  to previous dogs or other relationships.
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  Because our goal is honestly, all of our goal is to have the
• 22:50
  relationship Heather and Tiago have, right?
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  But like, if then we're then expecting that from Trench,
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  she's a different dog than Tiago.
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  If I'm expecting that from Jackson, he's a different dog
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  than Tiago. So it's that frustration can
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  come in when we compare ourselves or our dog to others.
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  And I'm a different owner where I'm OK, I'm going to be 47.
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  My, I know my, my tolerance, my body, my confidence, my
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  everything is all completely different than what it was when
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  Tiago was a year old. Like not only is the dog
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  different, I am different. I am different physically,
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  mentally, my, my relationships, everything is different
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  emotionally, Oh my God, emotionally, you know, so like
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  it's, it's so it's so important that we do give the grace
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  because we are different. And the comparison thing is
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  hard. You know, Trin and I are nowhere
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  near. I thought where I thought we
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  would be in Barn Hunt at this time, her and I are not yet
• 24:05
  A-Team and I there we are. We are getting there.
• 24:12
  She is very environmentally stimulated in a trial
• 24:16
  environment. I think part of that goes to the
• 24:20
  team thing and I think part of that is her and recognizing all
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  of that and reminding myself of all of those things.
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  When I compare her brother sailing through all of the
• 24:34
  levels in like two or three weekends when we with two
• 24:39
  practices when we have been working at this since she was a
• 24:42
  puppy and it's my sport is very, very hard.
• 24:47
  However, I continue to remind myself, I have friends around me
• 24:54
  who are supportive and continue to remind me.
• 24:57
  And I guess I would say as like if you're working on something
• 25:01
  and it's very hard and you are doing your best, there is light.
• 25:05
  Our last trial we had three runs that were fantastic, two of
• 25:10
  which we did not qualify in and I did not care.
• 25:13
  I walked out of the ring and I was like, if she hunts with me
• 25:16
  like that every single time, I don't care if we ever queue
• 25:19
  again. And I meant it, I truly meant
• 25:22
  it, but it's hard. It is hard.
• 25:25
  And that's like a two year journey of me figuring out our
• 25:29
  relationship and all the bullshit and training and blah
• 25:32
  blah, blah. And ask me at the next show,
• 25:34
  I'll probably be crying. No, but but like it just it's,
• 25:37
  it's an example of like I'm comparing, I'm a different
• 25:41
  person, she's a different dog, blah, blah, blah.
• 25:45
  And I think it's really funny that Thiago, like Barton Hunt
• 25:48
  was never his sport ever. He just wanted to like go in the
• 25:52
  ring and hang out with Barb. And of course, it was so much
• 25:58
  easier for some reason for me to recognize in him like this is
• 26:02
  not what he wants to do. And I guess with Trin, it's
• 26:07
  harder because I see her raw talent and I know she's capable,
• 26:10
  but there's it's not the hunting that's the problem.
• 26:14
  So it's like trying to work through all that.
• 26:16
  But there is so much frustration for both me and her.
• 26:21
  And so just be, be gentle, be kind, give grace when you can
• 26:27
  and like, be around people who remind you.
• 26:30
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 26:32
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 26:33
  I think our motivation will cause frustration.
• 26:37
  Oh yes. And so your motivation with your
• 26:40
  dogs is always to provide them an outlet to have fun with your
• 26:44
  dog, to partner with them, all of those things.
• 26:48
  And, and it's OK if that's not the motivation of everyone.
• 26:52
  For some people, they're doing it for the ribbons, they're
• 26:56
  doing it for the recognition, to prove that they can all these
• 27:02
  things. But it's a slippery slope if
• 27:04
  that's what you're doing it for. There's no judgement in doing it
• 27:08
  for those things, but recognize that that's going to build some
• 27:13
  frustration in you when things don't go correctly.
• 27:17
  So like, you know, from my motivation, I'm constantly doing
• 27:20
  it for Jackson. Like I just, I just want to do
• 27:23
  this for you. But that then it builds
• 27:24
  frustration there too when he doesn't.
• 27:27
  I'm trying to do this thing for you.
• 27:30
  And so I've really tried to shift to.
• 27:32
  We're just trying to have fun. Yeah, this is just an outlet for
• 27:35
  his energy, a positive outlet. Shifting my motivation to that
• 27:40
  is going to produce a lot less frustration in me.
• 27:44
  Then I'm doing this for you, or I'm doing this for ribbons, or
• 27:50
  this is my whole identity. Yes, I think that is your
• 27:54
  motivation everything or a very good point.
• 27:56
  I I watch a Malinois go into the ring that has never even had an
• 28:03
  intro and they're like find the rats and boom, they're done and
• 28:07
  out they go. And I really love doing these
• 28:11
  sports with with unexpected breeds, but but therein lies a
• 28:17
  foundation for potential frustration.
• 28:20
  And so I have to remind myself, you are choosing to go a harder
• 28:26
  Rd. in most cases. I'm not saying always because
• 28:29
  look at trans brother, but in in met most cases you are choosing
• 28:34
  a harder road and so you have a bigger hill to climb.
• 28:38
  And I, I think that you and I are good to remind ourselves
• 28:45
  over and over again that an NQ can look beautiful and wonderful
• 28:50
  and happy. And I am so grateful, uh oh,
• 28:55
  kindness to the bulldog. I am so grateful to Tater for
• 29:00
  teaching me that lesson because I, I have never, ever, ever
• 29:05
  worked with a dog other than Tater.
• 29:08
  And hopefully trend soon that no matter how many times we failed,
• 29:13
  it was joyful. Yeah, yeah.
• 29:18
  And and part of that is Tater because he doesn't allow you.
• 29:21
  He does not be anything but joyful in that moment, right?
• 29:26
  He forces it. But I also encourage.
• 29:28
  You pleased with himself like the weather he called up with
• 29:32
  that damn time, Yes. He's having the best day and we
• 29:37
  often. Say like we have to remember
• 29:39
  we're still going home with the best dog.
• 29:41
  Tater will tell you you're still going home with the best dog.
• 29:45
  I enqueued everything and you're going home with the best dog.
• 29:48
  He's like I. Found Sarah rats and I am the
• 29:51
  best dog but it's true and I am super super grateful for that
• 29:56
  lesson. He's staring at me right now
• 29:58
  he's like yeah, I'm the best. I am grateful for that lesson
• 30:02
  and he he allows like him teaching me that allows me to
• 30:07
  remind you and remind others around me that have ever seen
• 30:11
  him in the ring. Like, think about tater, you
• 30:13
  know, and you can be joyful because we're working together
• 30:18
  and we're having fun. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 30:24
  I think being embarrassed is a big one.
• 30:28
  Like, yeah, and I mean, I don't typically get embarrassed about
• 30:33
  dog sport stuff. Like it just don't.
• 30:36
  But but I think embarrassment is a huge one for people.
• 30:40
  And, and just to quote Schitt's Creek.
• 30:44
  Oh I love this. Nobody is thinking about you the
• 30:50
  way you're thinking about you, right?
• 30:55
  Like nobody else is thinking about you the same way.
• 30:59
  Like just it's OK, don't be. I mean it's so easy to say like
• 31:03
  don't be embarrassed, but honestly nobody is as
• 31:06
  concentrated on you as you think they are.
• 31:09
  Yeah. That is correct.
• 31:10
  They're all in their own minds and they're thinking about their
• 31:14
  own dog and their own performance.
• 31:16
  Yeah, so. And I definitely, I had a
• 31:18
  situation where I had to tell someone years ago, a friend of
• 31:23
  mine, I know that this is not the relationship that you want
• 31:27
  to have with your dog. And I know this is not how you
• 31:30
  want people to see your relationship with your dog.
• 31:34
  And so that is something that's kind of in the back of my mind.
• 31:38
  Even if you are failing, you can still have this beautiful
• 31:42
  relationship with your dog. And, and there might be someone
• 31:46
  who's watching that just takes a moment and says, wow, look at
• 31:50
  the relationship instead of look at how they didn't queue.
• 31:55
  You're out on a walk with your dog and something goes wrong.
• 31:58
  Somebody might be thinking look at how they recovered, not how
• 32:02
  your dog reacted. Yeah.
• 32:05
  Absolutely, yeah. We always just want to go to the
• 32:08
  negative. Right, of course.
• 32:10
  Like this was the worst. Yeah, like the frustration.
• 32:15
  Yeah, yeah. One other thing that I've seen
• 32:19
  people show a lot of frustration in is they are inconsistent with
• 32:25
  their dog, yet they expect consistent behavior from their
• 32:29
  dog. Raise my hand right here.
• 32:32
  It is me. And it can show up in a variety
• 32:35
  of ways. A lot of times I, I see some of
• 32:39
  these high drive dogs barking, barking, barking and they let it
• 32:42
  occur for 7 minutes and then they explode with like we've all
• 32:46
  seen that huge leash correction and the towering over and the
• 32:50
  yelling right in the dog's face. Well, where was that?
• 32:54
  I mean not where was that 7 minutes ago 'cause?
• 32:58
  We didn't want that. But where was the the correction
• 33:02
  or the hey, knock that off like hey, that's not what we're
• 33:05
  doing. Let me support you in a
• 33:06
  different way. Where was that support or a
• 33:10
  redirection 7 minutes ago? Like why is it just unacceptable
• 33:16
  after 7 minutes? Because it was annoying 7
• 33:18
  minutes ago, I guarantee. For sure.
• 33:21
  And sometimes that's the hard thing.
• 33:24
  Sometimes the hard thing is I know I'm going to freak out
• 33:27
  because the dogs are going to keep barking.
• 33:29
  I might have to do something that I don't really want to do,
• 33:31
  like go walk an extra 20 feet out and around or give the dog a
• 33:37
  moment to decompress or whatever.
• 33:39
  That's a little bit more to ask for.
• 33:41
  But that explosion, I see a lot of that at Fast Cat.
• 33:46
  I see a lot of that. I, I, I, the more I walk around
• 33:51
  Fast Cat, the more I, I see it's not many people are good.
• 33:57
  Most people are good. But I see the frustration.
• 34:01
  I see the unrealistic expectations.
• 34:06
  Look, Trin is going to scream the entire time she is in line.
• 34:13
  I do not want to listen to it. I am.
• 34:18
  My nervous system literally cannot handle it.
• 34:22
  So I have two choices. We don't do Fastcat at all ever
• 34:28
  again, or I can manage how I am waiting in line with her.
• 34:35
  And so that is my choice as of today.
• 34:39
  As of today, I take her kennel. It is an extra trip.
• 34:43
  It is extra steps, it is extra all the things.
• 34:46
  But I take her kennel and she waits in line in her kennel
• 34:49
  where she is quiet. And I'm going to not going to
• 34:52
  say relaxed, but much more relaxed.
• 34:55
  And if she were staring at Allure running back and forth, I
• 34:58
  understand that her kennel is very small and she is a small
• 35:01
  dog. But there is no reason.
• 35:03
  And there would be a lot less less frustration if you did the
• 35:06
  same or tried the same thing for your say Mellan that can't
• 35:10
  handle standing in line that instead you listen to bark for 7
• 35:13
  minutes and have an explosion. Yeah, absolutely.
• 35:18
  And I do think you're nervous that the mention of your nervous
• 35:21
  system is another thing to consider is our health, our how
• 35:27
  we're feeling physically, the huge source of frustration.
• 35:35
  When I don't feel well, I recognize like I'm much shorter
• 35:41
  with Jackson the other day I I didn't feel well.
• 35:44
  I was super tired. My whole body was achy.
• 35:47
  I took Jackson out for a walk anyway because he needed it.
• 35:51
  And he he always presses on me when when getting on out of the
• 35:56
  car, if I remove my body from the situation, he doesn't press
• 35:59
  on me. He just waits.
• 36:01
  And so it's some habit he's formed.
• 36:04
  It's fine. It doesn't usually bother me.
• 36:06
  But because I was so achy, I was like, don't do that.
• 36:09
  And then I let him out and he ran to the end of Felicia and he
• 36:13
  yanked on me and I yanked him back and I was like, oh, what is
• 36:16
  happening here? And I was like, OK, it's my body
• 36:20
  hurts. And so I was like, are you just
• 36:22
  just got to like, let's work together, let's find a better
• 36:25
  way. Yep, Yep, because it it does
• 36:28
  cause like trim screaming makes me completely on edge.
• 36:33
  And it is going to make everything else about what she's
• 36:36
  doing that day or potentially longer, depending on how you
• 36:41
  know how you are and how your relationship is, what your level
• 36:45
  of frustration that you can tolerate.
• 36:47
  It's going to make me so much shorter with her in every single
• 36:49
  way. And yet I'm the person who's
• 36:51
  bringing telling her to do the thing.
• 36:53
  Right. And interestingly, like her
• 36:56
  screaming doesn't, but I mean, it's very loud, so it's not like
• 36:59
  something I want to listen to for half an hour.
• 37:01
  But it doesn't bother me the same way it bothers you because
• 37:05
  she's not my dog. Now I specifically got a dog who
• 37:09
  doesn't bark in the house a lot because Lucy barked all the time
• 37:14
  and it hurt my nervous system. She would constantly be barking.
• 37:18
  A frustration point for. You.
• 37:20
  Yeah, yeah, and it and it definitely like my nervous
• 37:23
  system hurt from it. And it's just interesting that
• 37:26
  because Trent's not my dog, it doesn't affect my nervous system
• 37:30
  the same way. I'm like, I can hand this off to
• 37:33
  somebody else in 10 minutes. And like, I know that she's a
• 37:38
  she's a barky dog. So when she was young, I worked
• 37:41
  really hard on her not barking at home, and she's pretty quiet
• 37:44
  at home, honestly. But it's just interesting A.
• 37:48
  Window like I. Well, yeah, she would never live
• 37:50
  in a house like Christy's house. But it is interesting how we put
• 37:55
  ourselves in those situations with our dogs and then we get
• 37:59
  frustrated because our dogs respond in a certain way.
• 38:02
  And then and, and really, she's frustrated too, a very doggy
• 38:06
  way. She's just frustrated.
• 38:08
  She wants to kill the damn thing, you know?
• 38:10
  And she knows why she's there. She knows exactly what she's
• 38:13
  going to get to do. She's excited about about it and
• 38:16
  it's just interesting. I had somebody who released her
• 38:19
  this past weekend and she's a Malinois person.
• 38:23
  And she said, oh, do you mind if I just take her back here behind
• 38:27
  the barrier? Because we were like 5 dogs
• 38:29
  back. So she has to be out of her
• 38:30
  kennel, right? Because you have to have her
• 38:32
  ready. And she goes, do you mind if I
• 38:33
  take her back here behind the barrier and just walk her in
• 38:36
  circles? And I said if that does anything
• 38:39
  for her, you go right ahead, Dana, you do what you want to
• 38:41
  do. And it was helpful.
• 38:43
  And she came up to me afterwards and she said, I just, she kept
• 38:46
  walking her in circles and she goes, I think it, I think it
• 38:48
  might have helped. And I said, I appreciate that.
• 38:51
  And now I have another tool in my toolbox to tell people when
• 38:54
  they're trying to release her, you know, and so it was, it's
• 38:58
  there also might be other things that you can come up with or
• 39:01
  someone else can come up with to help you in situations where you
• 39:05
  just need a, you need a little, a little guidance.
• 39:09
  Yeah, yeah. And a lot of times if we're
• 39:10
  embarrassed, it doesn't allow for that open communication of,
• 39:15
  hey, does anyone have any suggestions?
• 39:17
  Like I'm at a loss here because we're thinking like we should
• 39:21
  have it all figured out. We should know what we're doing.
• 39:24
  And, and I think that humility 1, it brings down your
• 39:28
  frustration level, but also opens you up for other people
• 39:32
  to, to be able to say, hey, this is what worked for me.
• 39:36
  People you trust not, don't go to the Internet.
• 39:38
  Not random. Yeah, please don't do that.
• 39:40
  Yeah. But yeah, people you trust,
• 39:43
  people you've seen work with their dogs, that kind of thing,
• 39:46
  it opens up that dialogue. If someone offers something that
• 39:49
  maybe you don't necessarily agree with or whatever, you can
• 39:52
  always just say, OK, I'll keep that in mind, I appreciate it.
• 39:55
  That's it. You don't have to get into a
• 39:57
  whole thing about it. Yeah, exactly.
• 40:00
  Frustration's tough stuff. It is.
• 40:03
  It's tough stuff. But I think if we can figure out
• 40:07
  why we're frustrated, figure out the root of it and think through
• 40:12
  our frustration, take a step back from it, the emotional
• 40:15
  side, and look at it logically as much as possible, I think
• 40:18
  we're in a much better place to address our frustration.
• 40:23
  And I actually think that you're you taking Jackson off course
• 40:28
  and like putting him away and giving yourself a moment to
• 40:31
  breathe. I think that that is a lesson
• 40:33
  that has validity in a lot of different ways.
• 40:37
  If you if you feel yourself tipping to a place you don't
• 40:41
  want to be, do not be afraid to take a break.
• 40:45
  Go put your dog up, ask someone else to take your dog if you're
• 40:49
  out some, you know, like, like think, just remove yourself for
• 40:53
  a moment so that you even have space to get that perspective
• 40:58
  and, and to breathe and to let yourself settle a little bit.
• 41:02
  And I think of that a lot with people with puppies, Like take a
• 41:05
  moment. You're allowed and senior dog,
• 41:08
  senior dogs are a lot of work. Give yourself grace.
• 41:11
  If you need a break, take a break.
• 41:15
  Absolutely do it and allow yourself because your dog is
• 41:18
  you're, you're removing yourself from your dog as well.
• 41:21
  So it's giving your dog a break from you bouncing off each other
• 41:26
  at the same time. It's just good all around.
• 41:29
  Absolutely. Yeah, if you've.
• 41:32
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• 41:36
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• 41:40
  and engage with us at Sometimes Their Side Eye.
• 41:43
  Thanks for listening everybody. Talk to you next time.
• 41:47
  Bye bye.