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June 13 - Living It Out · The Daily Ripples Podcast

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  Welcome back to the Daily Ripples podcast.
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  Today is June the 13th.
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  Man, it's a Saturday.
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  It feels like a Saturday vibe today too, Corey.
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  But I am back and after having a few days off, and I appreciate Corey filling in the gap the
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  past couple of weeks, did a great job.
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  But we'll dive right in.
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  You've got both of us here today as you're listening, Pastor Mike and Corey, and we're
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  going to dive right in with our entry for today, titled Living It Out, The Stone. Apologies matter,
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  but consistent change matters more. Real amends are lived, not just spoken. Ripple One: practical.
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  Today I will show change through my actions. I will be patient, reliable, and present with those
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  I have affected. Trust is rebuilt over time through consistency, not words alone. Ripple Two:
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  spiritual. As I follow Christ, the Holy Spirit shapes my daily actions into something redemptive.
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  The Father uses steady faithfulness to heal what has been damaged. Over time, my life becomes
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  evidence of change, offering hope where there was once hurt. And as always, we'll save our prayer for
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  the end of the episode. But, you know, Corey, I was telling you a little bit ago that this morning,
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  You know, I was sitting there, and of course, for those listening, you know, we don't record
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  these podcast episodes the same day that they come out.
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  So as we're recording here today, it's actually a Thursday and for this Saturday episode.
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  But this morning, I was sitting there and I was thinking I was going to have to record
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  some of these episodes on my own.
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  And so I was studying ahead, and I realized that today's entry is the one about, you know,
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  more specifically than some of the others have been probably this month, about, you know,
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  making amends.
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  And it talks about living amends.
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  And I'm glad that it worked out that we were able to get together today, because as I thought
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  I was going to have to record it myself, I was thinking in my mind, I bet Corey would
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  have a lot to say about this concept of quote unquote living amends.
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  And you're laughing now, even as I bring it up.
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  So I'm glad that it worked out for us to get together for this episode, because I'll be
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  honest, for the first few years of my sobriety and working the program, I had one big amend that I
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  needed to make, but I convinced myself of that thing about, you know, that, well, making that
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  amend so that person would be harmful to them. And so because it's harmful to them, then I don't do it
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  and I just have to worry about the living amends. And so I just keep going about my life. Now,
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  This was a person, Corey, that I do not have an ongoing relationship with on any significant level.
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  So it was a great kind of cop-out for me, that living amends thing.
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  Now, I say all that to say there are cases where I do believe that it genuinely would be harmful to someone else to reopen a wound and make an amend,
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  and that the living amends or how we live is more important than any words that we could say.
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  But the caution for me, you know, I'm a manipulator from way on back.
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  And I know most people coming into this program are big manipulators and we know how to manipulate with the best of us.
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  And so the caution, I think, is to not use that as kind of an escape hatch, you know, as it were.
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  Like, I should have exhausted every other line of thought or aspect of making that amend before I said, well, I'll just have to change the way I live.
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  but that's kind of initially where I go.
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  But what thoughts do you have about that
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  or what do you think about the whole living amends thing?
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  Well, I think you came,
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  you saved it when you put real amends or lived,
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  not just spoken.
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  So, I mean, it says like they're spoken and lived.
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  Oh, absolutely.
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  So, you know.
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  Yeah, speaking without the living part
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  is not going to cut it either.
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  And living without the speaking.
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  Yeah.
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  I mean, it can't, I mean, you know,
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  but, you know, well,
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  I was listening to a tape of this dude the other day,
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  and I find that, and we'll get into the thing in a second,
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  but I find that for some reason,
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  you know, what's that thing that's called the telephone game?
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  Right.
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  The telephone game, when you play the telephone game,
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  and let's say, you know, recovery ring,
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  and that's what's happened over the years,
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  and that's why they wrote the book.
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  The reason they wrote the book was, well, they were, you know,
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  trying to like build up this thing but also because they they were hearing different factions of it
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  changing you know like well this is not what we wanted this is not how we wanted to start so let's
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  write a book on how the the exact plan of recovery or the recovery program and so the only reason i
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  don't like the word living in this is because if you go into a room that nobody has a book and
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  Nobody's read the book.
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  And then they start throwing that living amends word out.
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  And next thing you know, and I've seen it happen.
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  Time and time again, people start talking about living amends and living amends.
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  And man, you have people that are, you know, I would say blocked.
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  And I would have been one of them in my life.
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  And I, you know, justify not facing this person and facing this person.
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  And, you know, that's what Bob, Dr. Bob, man, you know, that's what he got hung up in this
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  whole deal was he didn't want to go face those people. And so that was the deal. And I find that
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  that's the deal for, and you know, I think the biggest question for me, when I come to face these
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  things, I have a couple other thoughts, but, uh, if I don't want to face these things, do I want to
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  get drunk? What is it? You know, it says reminding ourselves, we would go to any length for victory
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  over alcohol. And it says reminding on page, I think it's like 78, something like that. I'm,
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  um, 78, it says reminding ourselves or remember, um, here we go. On 79, it says reminding ourselves
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  that we have decided to go to any length to find a spiritual experience. And if you remember on
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  the first page of We Agnostics on page 44, it said the only way I'm going to conquer this illness is
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  a spiritual experience. So if I'm, and we ask that we'd be given strength and direction. So that's
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  a prayer right here. We ask that we'd be given strength and direction to do the right thing.
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  No matter what the personal consequence may be, we may lose our position or our reputation or face
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  to jail, but we are willing, as long as we're willing, we have to be, we must not shrink at anything.
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  And I, uh, I think it's really important because like, you know, if that's that, if that's what this book says and it's cool, cause like on page 76, it also says, remember, remember that we were go to any, any length for victory over alcohol.
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  So a lot of dudes, a lot of guys, women too, when they get to this point of the work, it's been a couple weeks, been a couple months.
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  And, you know, they get up to these, they're like, man, they forget.
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  Because I forgot.
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  I was like, man, you know, I said in the beginning I'll go to any length, but now I get to this part.
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  I'm like, whoa.
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  Yeah.
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  Well, and I mean, this whole program, I mean, that remember word is very important.
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  Because as our buddy that we know from our home group, you know, a guy named Jeff often likes to say, and it's one of the favorite phrases he uses that I like, is that he always says that he's a slow learner and a fast forgetter.
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  Right.
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  You know, and I know you've heard him say that.
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  And, but it's beneficial that the book uses that word remember, you know, several times because it's to point out the key things.
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  And it reminds me of, you know, obviously remembering and remembrance is important to our life of faith also.
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  You know, Jesus told his disciples in that last supper that do this, you know, eat this,
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  drink this as often as you do in remembrance of me.
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  So in other words, keeping in front of mind the sacrifice and the gift that God has given
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  to us.
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  And just like in the program, we have to keep to the front of mind the gift God has given
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  to us through our recovery and through working these things, including the gift sometimes of
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  the humility that forms when we're actually having to do this work of going about making
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  amends, because at the end of the day, whenever I had that hang up over making a direct amend
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  versus making a, not even a living amends, but a passive amends, you might call it, you know,
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  whereas you just go about your life and don't have to worry about, you know, what the other person
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  may think or do. But, you know, this concept, this stone of truth, if you will, you know, from the
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  entry today, it comes out of, obviously, as all of these do, the stone comes from AA's Daily
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  reflection. And AA's daily reflection is sourced out of page 122 in the big book of AA. And page
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  122 is where it's talking about that, you know, all members of the family, you know, should meet
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  upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. And that involves a process of deflation.
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  The alcoholic, his wife, children, in-laws, each one is likely to have fixed ideas about the family's
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  attitude toward him or herself. And says, we find the more one member of the family demands
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  that the others concede to him, the more resentful they become. And that makes for discordant
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  unhappiness. And then it goes on later to say that, you know, years of living with an alcoholic
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  is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is to some extent ill. And
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  with those amends that we have to make to our families, you know, whenever we get sober,
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  sometimes those do take years of not only the words, but the actions and kind of working together
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  for that really to sink in and be effective to change that family dynamic. And, you know,
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  that's worth saying, living it out. And for me, you know, coming back to the only thing that I can
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  control is what we talk about, you know, in the practical ripple, you know, showing my changes
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  through my actions. I have to be patient. I have to be reliable. I have to be present with those I've
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  And sometimes that being present, you know, even with my family is one of the toughest things, you know, for me, especially people that are not, you know, like my kids are all at the, either at the verge of, or they have, you know, grown and moved out of the house.
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  So, you know, and I think about my daughters all the time, but that doesn't mean that I pick up the phone and call them every day, you know, and let them know, you know, that, so I could definitely do a better job of living that side of it out.
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  But, you know, so it's as the Holy Spirit leads every day, if I stop and think about what do I need to do today to help rebuild this family, to live out this new life, God always gives me some nudge or something to be done.
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  I was, uh, I was talking to Bill about this and, you know, we were talking about my son and I don't know if I meant, I think I, yeah, I said something on the couple podcasts ago, man, he is me.
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  you know what i mean yeah he's like that was on the the june 11th one i heard you talking about
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  that some today that he was your spitting image yeah so he uh but we were just talking about because
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  man i'll tell you the like when i first came into this deal and i said it on there too you know i spent
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  man i spent a lot of times hiding away in the rooms and hiding away and you know and you know
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  today man i i try to give him as much time as he wants but sometimes i i might you know because i got
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  I have these commitments as well.
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  And so like, you know, on Saturday nights, I go down to the treatment center and talk
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  and this and this and this.
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  And, you know, so I kind of, I've been thinking about some different things and, you know,
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  how that's affected him.
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  But I think it's important on the amends section of this.
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  And, you know, because there is an eight and nine, right?
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  There's eight and there's step nine.
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  And step eight is we made a list.
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  Well, we had the list on step four.
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  Well, there was some, there's some rollover.
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  I mean, my experience was there was more than was just on that fourth step that I had harmed, that they had no connection within that resentment.
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  So I wrote those down, too.
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  And I find today, you know, and the way I do that, just for people to know, like, I mean, some people are out there sponsoring themselves.
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  Anyways, yeah.
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  So I take an index card and I put the name, their name at the top of the index card.
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  And then below that, I write how I can get a hold of them, right? Do I put their phone number? Is it
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  going to be Facebook or is it going to be, you know, however that is. Then I write what I did to them.
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  And it could be multiple things. And then at the top right of that card, I put yes, no, or maybe.
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  I flip card over. And I know, you know, on the fourth step, right, I go through the, how did I
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  affect their self-esteem, their ambitions, their security, their pride, their personal relationships
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  and sexual relationships. I go everything that's on page 65 in the big book. And flip it around.
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  Flip it around. Because I believe they have the courtesy. You know, that person that I hurt has
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  the courtesy. Because I wrote about all these other people. Yeah. And how they hurt me. But how did I
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  affect them? Right. And, you know, also on theirs, I put their pocketbook, you know. So is there a
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  money value to this. So I know when I'm going over there, how I affected them in my eyes,
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  how, what I did, you know, and all these different things. And I have a note card,
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  I have a note card system at my house. I have a little ring and I have, man, I'm able to make some
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  of those amends during my, like, you know, as I go. And sometimes I'll get a new guy and I'll take
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  him through the work. And I might've said this on here, but when I, for some reason, my ego,
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  when I'm taking a guy through the steps that has more time than me.
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  I go through the work with them.
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  Yeah.
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  Because I'm like, hey, man, I'll go through this with you.
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  And, you know, I think it's my ego, but it also helps me out a ton
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  because I do an inventory with it.
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  Yeah.
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  And so I'm also do, I mean, I go through the book with quite a few guys
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  and I go through quite a few inventories, right?
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  And, you know, it's almost like I'm just adding more cards.
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  I'm adding more cards.
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  I'm making amends as well, but I'm just adding to the list.
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  And that list, man, I got a lot of cards.
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  So going through and working through those steps and inventories with the other people,
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  Corey, sounds like that helps you continue to identify additional amends maybe that you
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  have to make as you think of things.
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  And absolutely, almost a constant reminder.
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  I mean, that's got to be very helpful, you know, for that.
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  I was thinking about, and I was kind of laughing as I was getting ready for this episode and kind of trying to bring in some scriptural references and whatnot.
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  And it reminds me of the passage in the Bible where it's essentially God saying, don't come to me with your BS.
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  That's my paraphrase, right?
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  And what it actually is is in Matthew chapter 5, starting in the 21st verse.
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  This is part of the Sermon on the Mount, but this is where, and I'm going to read out of
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  the message translation just because it's less formal.
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  But this is Jesus talking and says, you're familiar with the command to the ancients, do
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  not murder.
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  I'm telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty
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  of murder.
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  Carelessly call a brother idiot and you just might find yourself hauled into court.
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  Thoughtlessly yell stupid at a sister and you're on the brink of hellfire.
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  The simple moral fact is that words kill.
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  This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters.
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  If you enter your place of worship and about to make an offering,
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  you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you.
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  Abandon your offering.
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  Leave immediately.
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  Go to this friend and make things right.
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  Then and only then come back and work things out with God.
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  So that's what I mean about this is God basically saying, miss me with your BS, because how are we going to go to God and expect a loving, a gracious and forgiving God if we're withholding forgiveness, you know, towards somebody else or if we haven't tried to rectify a relationship with somebody else?
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  And so it's a good reminder to me that to have that kind of like what you were just saying, you know, when you're working through the steps with another person, during that process, you know, the Holy Spirit is revealing to you at times who else you might need to clean things up with.
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  And that's where this is effectively just scripture reaffirming that God saying, yeah, go do that first.
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  And then, you know, come and pray to me after that.
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  Well, while we're on this, I'm going to finish this and I'll finish the prayer too.
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  But on page 84 in the big book, and there's instructions, because 84 is starting at the
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  step 10.
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  And it says, we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past.
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  So that's a very important sentence to me.
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  So it says, as I'm cleaning up my past, I'm vigorously commencing this way of living.
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  And I believe that's 10, 11, and 12.
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  Yeah.
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  So anyway, so the prayer tonight today is,
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  Father, help me live out real change.
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  Through Your Spirit, guide my actions so they reflect healing,
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  faithfulness, and the love shown through Your Son.
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  Amen.
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  Amen.