Latest / Looking Into / Episode 8: Pride Fest, True Crime Docs and the Fire Horse

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Episode 8: Pride Fest, True Crime Docs and the Fire Horse · Looking Into

• 0:13
  4. I know well I could do it again.
• 0:15
  Yeah, do it again. Bring I'll.
• 0:17
  Grab it, I'll grab another one. Look how Kitty is.
• 0:21
  Okay, how? Why does that have a different
• 0:23
  face? Because they all they I have a
• 0:26
  lot of with different faces. Gosh, y'all listeners welcome.
• 0:31
  Caleb is a la Boo Boo enthusiast, much to my chagrin,
• 0:35
  but bless him, he's cooler right now than I've ever been in my
• 0:38
  entire life. So we're just going to let him
• 0:39
  cook with whatever he's collecting and call.
• 0:43
  It Yeah, I have another one right here.
• 0:45
  Oh gosh, that's the face I'm used to the weird troll faces.
• 0:48
  This is really the one. This is a real La Boo Boo, but
• 0:53
  like the other ones I was showing you, they're not the Boo
• 0:55
  boos. They're different things from
• 0:57
  Pop Mart. It doesn't matter, OK?
• 0:59
  They don't want to know. OK, well listeners, thank you so
• 1:02
  much for joining us. We are excited to have you here.
• 1:05
  This is looking into which is a podcast where two friends talk
• 1:09
  about pop culture, queer culture, and the lived human
• 1:11
  experience. We are committed to bringing
• 1:15
  passion and curiosity to the topics that interest us and hope
• 1:18
  that some of them interest you. But either way, we're glad that
• 1:21
  you're here. So hi, I'm Heidi.
• 1:23
  I'm one of your hosts. And I'm Caleb, and I am another
• 1:27
  one of your hosts. Yeah, you could not have
• 1:29
  possibly said that more awkwardly, but thank you for
• 1:32
  like bringing it all the way. Oh, I could have.
• 1:34
  Oh, I could have. I believe I can do anything,
• 1:37
  frankly. Oh, I.
• 1:39
  Believe it. And it is good to see your face.
• 1:41
  It's been like 2 weeks because, yeah, a little sporadic now that
• 1:45
  we're in summer schedule, but you just, yeah.
• 1:48
  I did. Yeah, you made it to the I saw
• 1:51
  your Instagram story about how you would not be returning any
• 1:54
  text messages. Nope, Just marked them all as
• 1:57
  read and moved on. What freedom there is in that
• 1:59
  choice. Oh, it was a blessed moment.
• 2:01
  I it's not, it's not. I mean, I do have a tendency.
• 2:05
  It is something that I do, I, I get to a certain point and I'm
• 2:08
  like, I'm not going to go back and read these and every once in
• 2:14
  a while, but typically it's just, it's not like, I don't
• 2:18
  know, it's not that much, you know, we get to like 30
• 2:21
  something and I'm like, OK, that's fine.
• 2:22
  I'll go back and review quickly and be like, none of this really
• 2:26
  matters. I, I might have already
• 2:27
  responded in another way. Maybe this is a group chat,
• 2:30
  whatever, but there were a significant amount of messages
• 2:34
  from the week before pride leading up into the weekend.
• 2:39
  And here, you know, this is a great time to expand upon what I
• 2:43
  was saying in my story, which is if you're messaging me about
• 2:47
  business the week of pride, I've probably already sent the answer
• 2:52
  in an e-mail. I've already given you this
• 2:55
  information. It already is has been delivered
• 2:59
  to you. You're just asking because you
• 3:05
  were too lazy or. Not considered Mama birded like.
• 3:10
  Yeah. And like, feed it to me directly
• 3:14
  and you're like, I already gave you the worm.
• 3:15
  You could eat yourself. Yeah.
• 3:17
  Yeah, I'm not a mother, nor am IA Bird.
• 3:19
  And I'm not gonna vomit information back to you, so you
• 3:22
  can just take your text message, I'm gonna put it on red, and you
• 3:24
  can move on with your happy little life.
• 3:26
  Amen, honey. Exactly.
• 3:27
  Honestly, at that point, it's like when you're at Max
• 3:30
  capacity. I am.
• 3:32
  I am a firm believer that like if it's an emergency, like it's
• 3:35
  gonna have been brought to my plate.
• 3:36
  So like, or if it's really important, it's gonna come back
• 3:39
  to my play. I can't get rid of it.
• 3:42
  Wasn't able to meet that need. Like, well, I hope you were able
• 3:47
  to gain some self-sufficiency skills in that.
• 3:49
  Yeah, Yes, exactly. Yes, yes, exactly.
• 3:52
  One to solve the problem for you and I'm so sorry.
• 3:55
  Yeah, and I did have a few people send me their message
• 3:58
  again, and then we answer the question because it wasn't
• 4:00
  about, thankfully, it's like we'd already gotten through
• 4:02
  Pride, so most of those questions probably had something
• 4:05
  to do with Pride weekend. Yeah.
• 4:07
  And so flagging on my story, like I'm.
• 4:10
  You're in the wash, babe. If you had something that wasn't
• 4:13
  pertaining to Pride Weekend and you wanted an answer, better
• 4:16
  send it again and we got there. There's a couple of people.
• 4:19
  And as somebody who was marked as read and not responded to, I
• 4:25
  did not personally, I was like, look at him protecting himself.
• 4:30
  Like he made it through. And he's just like giving
• 4:32
  himself a clean slate and moving forward and not losing sleep
• 4:35
  over all of these messages. And it probably wasn't important
• 4:37
  anyway, so. I love it.
• 4:39
  I didn't even realize you were one of the people.
• 4:41
  I'm just assuming I was, but I might not have been because I
• 4:44
  was in a spot where I had like no cell service but.
• 4:46
  That's right, yeah. I mean, maybe there's part of me
• 4:48
  that assumes that any message you put out there is about me.
• 4:50
  And so when you're like, hey, I marked you as red.
• 4:53
  I was like, oh, he marked me as red.
• 4:55
  I love that I probably you're you're part of you're in my like
• 5:00
  important people pops up. I'm probably gonna actually read
• 5:05
  it. Yeah, because you're also
• 5:07
  probably not messaging me a stupid question about pride.
• 5:10
  So you're probably messaging me something stupid about.
• 5:14
  Something else? Well, you know, yeah, something,
• 5:17
  yeah. Being very gracious, I am
• 5:21
  curious and I totally understand if you're like, I'm done with
• 5:24
  it, it's in the reefing mirror. We're moving forward, but I'm
• 5:27
  wondering if you had any highlights that you wanted to
• 5:29
  share? I had such well, we for the
• 5:34
  first time from my first time, I produced a block party of my
• 5:39
  own, like got a wrote a grant, received a grant from the city
• 5:45
  Office of Arts and culture. Yeah, shout out to Seattle for
• 5:49
  giving me tons of money to produce Seattle.
• 5:52
  Yes. And amidst, you know, the
• 5:58
  backlash of Iran and Egypt saying no pride in Seattle
• 6:02
  because we're going to be there and blah blah, blah.
• 6:04
  And Seattle said absolutely not. That's not going to happen.
• 6:09
  And gave money to a lot of queer organizations to make sure that
• 6:13
  when FIFA came to town and all of these people were coming to
• 6:16
  town and this money was coming in, that they were investing
• 6:20
  back into the queer and POC communities.
• 6:23
  So I think that's really great and Seattle does deserve a shout
• 6:25
  out for. That yes, Seattle, Pacific West,
• 6:28
  doing it right. Let's go.
• 6:30
  Absolutely, yeah. Like, we're not perfect, but we
• 6:33
  do care. So that's awesome.
• 6:36
  Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Life motto.
• 6:38
  We are not perfect, but we do care.
• 6:40
  I'm gonna write that down. That's a good one.
• 6:43
  OK. Yeah, yeah.
• 6:45
  So I'm really proud of that. And we did.
• 6:49
  The concept was really cool. I'm like having the concept of
• 6:54
  like a trip around the world because it was supposed to be
• 6:57
  kind of FIFA adjacent. Yeah.
• 7:00
  And I was like, well, I'm not gonna throw a football party,
• 7:02
  but I will do something where we like travel to all these
• 7:06
  different host countries and get to highlight the cultures of
• 7:12
  those areas. So we did like South Africa and
• 7:15
  Afro House and we did Brazil and Bailey Funk and we did Mexico
• 7:23
  and like Latin House. And we did some ballroom, which
• 7:28
  you know, if we throwback to when we discussed cats, the
• 7:32
  Delacle ball, you know, I have some friends up here that are in
• 7:39
  the ballroom community and they produce like ballroom functions.
• 7:43
  And so we had them come and do a showcase, which was super cool.
• 7:48
  And it's fun to get that really like diverse offering of culture
• 7:52
  and community and performance. And it was, we had a lot of
• 7:57
  feedback of people who felt like they got to see themselves and
• 8:01
  on the stage and that was a lot of fun.
• 8:02
  I, I really enjoyed that. That's what I started Beauty
• 8:06
  Boys for. That's what I'm passionate
• 8:08
  about. And so getting to deliver that
• 8:12
  over Pride Weekend was really fun and exciting and fulfilling.
• 8:15
  It sounds like such a celebration, like so beautiful,
• 8:18
  and I'm so proud of you and I'm so thank you.
• 8:21
  You're welcome. I'm grateful for the work that
• 8:23
  you're doing because, gosh, it's so important to be scene and to
• 8:28
  have a space where you can belong and celebrate fully who
• 8:31
  you are in multiple aspects of your identity constellation.
• 8:35
  And thank you for providing that.
• 8:37
  I love that you did that. Way to go.
• 8:40
  Yeah. Yeah, I'm really happy, really
• 8:42
  proud of it. And you know, we came out
• 8:45
  without losing money, which is great.
• 8:47
  Yeah, let's go business, get that bottom line.
• 8:51
  Yeah, exactly. OK.
• 8:52
  So on to Tacoma Pride, you said. And then Portland is next month,
• 8:56
  this month. We're in July this month, Yeah,
• 8:58
  both of them are. Tacoma, I believe is not this
• 9:01
  weekend, but next weekend, and I don't have as big of a hand.
• 9:05
  I have a very small impact on Tacoma Pride.
• 9:08
  I just send some people down there to perform and stuff like
• 9:12
  that and I'm there to help if if ever necessary.
• 9:15
  But Portland Pride I have a large hand in.
• 9:17
  So now my main focus has turned to Portland Pride and, and just
• 9:23
  over 2 weeks I'll be down. Actually, I'll be down in
• 9:26
  Portland in two weeks. Yeah, doing my thing.
• 9:30
  Brilliant, brilliant. Now question, are we still in
• 9:33
  Gemini season or does that only last for the month of June?
• 9:36
  It's only it ended on June 21st. OK, so we're in cancer season.
• 9:41
  How are you doing? Yeah, cuz we were riding that
• 9:46
  high. I'm still riding the high, baby,
• 9:49
  don't worry. Yeah, I'm still riding the high.
• 9:52
  We're good, but it is no longer Gemini season so.
• 9:55
  OK, well, we're gonna just choose to believe that it's
• 9:58
  always Gemini season, but thank you.
• 10:00
  Yay. Well, yay for you.
• 10:03
  OK. Well, excellent.
• 10:04
  Do you have anything else that you've been looking into, or has
• 10:06
  that been keeping you so busy that you're just kind of locked
• 10:09
  in on your work events? I mean, that has been keeping me
• 10:16
  very busy. Yeah.
• 10:19
  And that's great then. That's great.
• 10:21
  I I think I have not been looking into anything outside in
• 10:30
  the terms of like homework. That's fine.
• 10:34
  And I would never, you know me better than that.
• 10:37
  I would never phrase it as homework because I have.
• 10:39
  Learned right? Yes, of course.
• 10:41
  Word immediately brings there is a guaranteed response to that,
• 10:46
  which is fuck off. No, yeah, I'm never going to
• 10:50
  give you homework. I'm just wondering if anything
• 10:52
  else has crossed your radar or been interesting to you that
• 10:54
  you're like, oh huh, that flagged on my radar a little
• 10:56
  bit. Yeah, yeah.
• 10:58
  Well, I, I am interested, I do want to hear how I know you went
• 11:02
  on a trip or like a little camping trip or, or camp.
• 11:06
  You went to camp, right? You went to camp.
• 11:08
  Yeah, yes, I do want to hear about that.
• 11:10
  And then I want to hear about any, you know, I want to hear
• 11:13
  what's going on over in your world.
• 11:15
  It's been so long so. Long two weeks.
• 11:18
  OK, well, and then I do actually have something that I've been
• 11:22
  looking into. So great.
• 11:24
  Yeah, well, I'll just, I'll try to be succinct, but that's not
• 11:26
  my strength. We have time.
• 11:29
  Yeah, you just let me know when I'm your eyes are glazing over
• 11:32
  and you're like stop, please and I'll and I'll shift, OK?
• 11:37
  Gosh, have I seen you since I had my last day in the school?
• 11:41
  Yes, Sir. No, I think I the last day you
• 11:46
  saw me, when we had my last day with students, I like June 19th.
• 11:50
  So Juneteenth was my last day actually in the building and I
• 11:54
  left. The next day.
• 11:55
  So yeah, yeah. So I officially closed the door
• 12:00
  on that chapter of my life. Congratulations.
• 12:04
  Thank you. 10 years in this school, three years in a
• 12:06
  different school before that, three years of grad school on
• 12:09
  top of that. So like, you know, 15 years
• 12:12
  because there's some overlap in there of life.
• 12:15
  But I, you know, Juneteenth is a day that we celebrate and
• 12:18
  recognize. And so there was nobody in the
• 12:20
  building, but I had to be in the building to get my stuff wrapped
• 12:24
  up before I left town. And by the time I got in there,
• 12:29
  they'd already shut off my Internet access.
• 12:30
  So there's limits to what I could do.
• 12:32
  So I just packed stuff up. I took a moment to, like, say
• 12:36
  thank you to my office, you know, just like, thank the wall.
• 12:41
  Like, that sounds woo woo. But just, like, just took a
• 12:45
  moment. I do, too.
• 12:47
  I just took a moment. I'm a woo woo girly so.
• 12:51
  I mean, it was like really important.
• 12:53
  I think goodbye for me. Like, thank you for being the
• 12:57
  walls that like heard and held these stories over the past 10
• 13:03
  years. Thank you for being my home and
• 13:04
  my space and for helping me work to create safety.
• 13:07
  And I've always said my office is the space where tears and
• 13:10
  profanity flow. And so it was fun to.
• 13:14
  Just my girl. Yeah, I was like grateful to be
• 13:18
  able to just say thank you to that space.
• 13:20
  And then I left my computer and my keys on the front desk, and I
• 13:24
  set the alarm for the last time and walked out the door.
• 13:27
  Wow. Yeah, a very Hannah Montana
• 13:30
  moment. I don't know what you mean by
• 13:32
  that. I don't really know what I mean
• 13:34
  by that either, but I do have this memory of Miley Cyrus just
• 13:39
  like, well, it's like the end of a sitcom, right?
• 13:42
  And like the last person out the door, and they have their moment
• 13:45
  and they reflect, and then they. Look around and and they close
• 13:50
  the door. Sigh.
• 13:51
  They turn out the light OK, smile to themselves and walk
• 13:57
  out. Yeah.
• 13:58
  It was very, it was very cinematic in that way.
• 14:00
  I. Love it, I love it as it should
• 14:02
  be. I paused for a selfie in the
• 14:03
  parking lot so I could post on my Instagram about like Oh my
• 14:07
  gosh, close the door. So yes, it was very good for
• 14:09
  you. Basic bitch.
• 14:10
  Very cliche, but. I'm so proud of you.
• 14:13
  Thanks. I'm not in a condescending way,
• 14:16
  Yeah. Like I'm.
• 14:17
  I did not hear condescending. And do you say that to me with
• 14:19
  condescension? No, never.
• 14:21
  No. But OK.
• 14:22
  So I had a boss one time that would always tell me proud of
• 14:27
  you. Proud of you.
• 14:28
  And it made me. I'm like, proud of me.
• 14:32
  Yeah. Who the fuck are you to be proud
• 14:34
  of me? Like, why do I care about you
• 14:36
  being proud of me? You're an idiot.
• 14:40
  So I always quantify me telling someone I'm proud of them and
• 14:43
  like. I'm not saying it in a
• 14:44
  condescending way because it drove me crazy.
• 14:47
  Yes, absolutely. That's my shit.
• 14:50
  Sorry. That's my shit, OK?
• 14:52
  No, I appreciate the clarification because I was
• 14:54
  like, I'm sorry. Have you told me that you're
• 14:55
  proud of me in a way that was intentionally, I mean, and this
• 14:58
  was the exception that you were clarifying for me.
• 15:00
  I was about to get offended. No, I think.
• 15:07
  I think I'm pretty clear when I'm being condescending.
• 15:12
  Okay, well, think I do appreciate the clarification all
• 15:15
  the same. But yeah, no, I think, gosh, the
• 15:18
  big change for me was like, I felt like lightness or like a
• 15:24
  lift because I've been in limbo now for about a year where I've
• 15:28
  been invested in my present job, but building towards the future
• 15:31
  job. And in this like tension of
• 15:35
  being in both and neither fully. And so turning in my keys and my
• 15:40
  computer and like walking out the door and knowing I cannot
• 15:43
  get back. And even if I could log in for
• 15:47
  my personal device at home, which I wouldn't because, you
• 15:49
  know, I don't ever put work stuff on my personal device
• 15:51
  because public disclosure laws and blah, blah, blah, I'm a
• 15:53
  really good government employee. I do all the things.
• 15:56
  But I couldn't, I couldn't work. I was done.
• 15:59
  And I saw your eyes. Glaze moved on.
• 16:01
  And. I heard really good employee and
• 16:07
  I said no. What?
• 16:08
  Yeah. Yeah, and it so it was it was
• 16:14
  free game to be like, OK, now I have one job.
• 16:19
  And I think there was a level of exhaustion and tension that I
• 16:21
  didn't even know I was carrying that was just like in me.
• 16:24
  And so, yeah, I'm on the other side at this point.
• 16:28
  And then we packed up our car and we drove out of town.
• 16:31
  So we went to band camp, which have I told you about this nerdy
• 16:36
  adventure that we do every year? But you've told me a little bit
• 16:39
  about it. I I know that Brandon is band
• 16:43
  camp. Ping of the nerds.
• 16:45
  Yeah. God love shout out to Brandon
• 16:47
  again. Every every episode, every shout
• 16:49
  out. To Yeah, you guys are listeners.
• 16:51
  You are not welcome here if you're not able to like, hear us
• 16:54
  fangirling over Brandon. Literally, very.
• 16:56
  That OK. Very that he has been invested
• 16:58
  in this camp since like 2008. And it is a specialty music camp
• 17:04
  for brass instruments. So middle school and a high
• 17:07
  school brass player. So we're talking, you know,
• 17:09
  tuba, euphonium, trombone, trumpet, French horn.
• 17:13
  And then we throw some saxophone in there because saxophone likes
• 17:16
  to ruin everything. And they get to come play at
• 17:18
  brass camp and it's fine. I have very strong opinions
• 17:21
  about the saxophone. So sorry, Sean, you're the only
• 17:23
  one who I like. It's fine.
• 17:27
  And so we go out to I just. Looked up the euphonium.
• 17:31
  I didn't know what that was. Sorry.
• 17:32
  Go ahead, we got to. It's like it's like a smaller
• 17:35
  tuba. That's what I just learned.
• 17:37
  Yes, it's low brass. It makes a great like beefy,
• 17:40
  like wah sound in all of those like Hans Zimmer soundtracks.
• 17:44
  You know it. Kind of got me tingling a
• 17:47
  little. Well.
• 17:50
  You need to go watch Inception because the low brass and the
• 17:52
  exception film score is just like Untouchably 1 Stacy like OK
• 17:59
  anyway, so it's this phenomenal camp.
• 18:01
  The artist staff are instructors from they're like professionals,
• 18:05
  like orchestra professional musicians like and they're,
• 18:10
  they're just great. And so we go out to this camp.
• 18:12
  Brandon's a head counselor, so he like runs all the counselor
• 18:14
  activities. I take the kids.
• 18:16
  We've been going since Gary and was like in utero.
• 18:18
  So this is like poor memories for my children.
• 18:21
  Every summer, we start our summer with a full week out at
• 18:23
  this beautiful campground next to this lake at the base of the
• 18:26
  Wallowa Mountains and listen to music and the kids play Frisbee
• 18:30
  and Gaga ball and they run around and we eat ice cream.
• 18:32
  And one of my favorite parts about it is I love Loki,
• 18:36
  obsessed with the camp staff and they run the greatest kitchen.
• 18:40
  And so I go from being like completely burnt out end of the
• 18:42
  year, can barely like drag myself forward to like move to
• 18:47
  like showing up at a place with the only effort I have to put
• 18:50
  into like food is when the bell rings, I show up and I eat the
• 18:56
  food that somebody else has planned and prepped and made for
• 18:58
  me. That's it.
• 18:59
  Oh my God that sounds amazing. For a full week, it's amazing.
• 19:03
  It's amazing. Incredible.
• 19:05
  Yeah, so Brandon works we play and I had no wireless or like
• 19:10
  cell service, which if it comes up on the spin the wheel and if
• 19:15
  even if it doesn't, I will mention it now was very big
• 19:18
  struggle for me to not have access to Instagram when the
• 19:23
  brand new day, the spider man brand new day press tour was
• 19:26
  happening in Europe because there were new fits dropping
• 19:29
  from LA and Zendaya and every day and I could not access them
• 19:34
  And I was really it was actually a very big struggle for me.
• 19:36
  Like I just really want to see the new outfits give me the
• 19:40
  contents, give me the Zendaya content.
• 19:44
  So I'd like hustle into the one spot on campus that had like any
• 19:48
  sort of service and like hide up in the loft and like scroll on
• 19:51
  my phone to see the new outfit. That is so funny.
• 19:54
  That is not an addiction, it's just an investment.
• 19:58
  It's zero chill in the royal couple, who is my favorite and I
• 20:02
  could not. It was like such terrible
• 20:04
  timing. I almost if you did leave a text
• 20:06
  from me on red, it would have been me stress panicking about
• 20:08
  the fact that I did not have regular access to the press
• 20:11
  tour. Which did you track it?
• 20:14
  Did you see all of different? Dammit, Caleb, I'm going to send
• 20:18
  you. I'm going to send you so much
• 20:20
  shit on Instagram tonight, just so you know.
• 20:24
  I've been paying attention to the House of the Dragon and
• 20:27
  that's about it outside of pride.
• 20:30
  Gosh, you are so deprived right now.
• 20:32
  I know, I know. It's hello.
• 20:35
  Can we talk about the deprivation of people working on
• 20:39
  Pride? You just, I mean you give it all
• 20:42
  for your community and give it all for your own.
• 20:44
  Maybe straight people should throw pride, no?
• 20:48
  You don't. Sorry that.
• 20:49
  Only no, we can't do it. Sorry, No, no offense to the
• 20:52
  street. Not taken.
• 20:55
  We can't party like that. I don't know I've I've been to a
• 21:01
  couple mega church worship services.
• 21:03
  They could be pretty, pretty grand.
• 21:05
  No, get polo shorts, polo shirts and tiki torches.
• 21:08
  And and it was. We don't want that frat boy
• 21:11
  energy. Absolutely not.
• 21:13
  So fun. OK, so we.
• 21:15
  Would be like, here's a rainbow, yes.
• 21:18
  I don't, I don't even know. I wouldn't even know how to
• 21:20
  start that. Yeah, yeah.
• 21:24
  Gosh, wow, my brain derailed on that one, but okay.
• 21:28
  Well, I will just then dedicate myself to making sure you are
• 21:32
  informed because this is really important.
• 21:35
  It. Is important.
• 21:35
  Like La Roche and Zendaya started the method dressing of,
• 21:40
  of press tours and they just served the most incredible
• 21:46
  wardrobe back-to-back to back-to-back to back.
• 21:49
  And now that she's married to Tom Holland and La Roche is
• 21:51
  styling him too, their outfits coordinate and they're giving us
• 21:54
  all this like freshly married like couple energy and it's
• 21:59
  lightful and they're so classy and they're like the greatest
• 22:01
  people ever and they're so wonderful.
• 22:02
  And then we're also going to get the Dune press tour and we're
• 22:04
  also going to get the Odyssey and they're going to be coupled
• 22:06
  on the Odyssey press route. I cannot, I cannot.
• 22:08
  You need to get on board with this because this is all I'm
• 22:11
  going to talk about for the next like this once in my life.
• 22:13
  I love that. Well.
• 22:14
  Now you know. We will have topics, that's for
• 22:17
  sure. One topic.
• 22:18
  One topic I have one gear and it's unlocked in I'm locked I.
• 22:22
  Love it. OK, but here's the other thing.
• 22:27
  So I have now been out of my job for one week, OK?
• 22:32
  Which means my little brain, which has been in full on
• 22:37
  survival mode for a really, really long time, like a little
• 22:40
  Groundhog has now like popped her head up under the ground.
• 22:42
  He's like, oh, oh, mixed here. I'm looking around and I might
• 22:48
  have bandwidth now for new things and I need help.
• 22:54
  OK? So let me tell you, I do not
• 22:56
  make good choices, OK? I cannot be trusted.
• 23:00
  I was like, I have new energy. I'm going to pick something new
• 23:05
  that I wouldn't normally watch because you know, I will watch
• 23:08
  what you tell me to watch because I do my homework and I
• 23:15
  will watch something that is guaranteed, like low angst and a
• 23:18
  happy ending like that. Don't.
• 23:20
  Watch House of the Dragon, I'll tell you that.
• 23:22
  I won't. That's what I have emotional
• 23:23
  bandwidth for during the school year.
• 23:26
  So I was like, let's do something different, let's
• 23:28
  switch it up. I've seen this true crime
• 23:30
  documentary advertised. What just happened to your face?
• 23:36
  I saw that on the wheel and I was like, what?
• 23:39
  Wait, OK, well, I saw, OK, I saw this true crime documentary
• 23:43
  advertised and I was like, well, this makes sense.
• 23:45
  Let's watch this. So I was like, Brandon, do you
• 23:47
  want to watch this new show with me?
• 23:49
  It's called Maternal Instinct. It's a true crime documentary on
• 23:51
  Netflix. He's like, Oh my gosh, Heidi
• 23:54
  wants to socialize with me. She wants to interact and she
• 23:56
  wants to watch something not just like hide in her room and
• 23:59
  read by herself. I'm in, I'm in it.
• 24:01
  I'm letting it go. So I I just have some questions
• 24:07
  for you. Let me ask you this.
• 24:08
  OK, If I'm going to give you a hypothetical, 'cause I know that
• 24:12
  you have never in your life lied, so I'm just going to.
• 24:15
  That's correct. Yes, I'm just going to ask you
• 24:17
  to hypothetically put yourself into this position if you it'll.
• 24:21
  Be tough. Told yourself, told somebody,
• 24:24
  told everybody a very elaborate lie and they kept calling you on
• 24:31
  calling you on bullshit and saying this isn't true.
• 24:35
  How would you respond? Would you like double down on it
• 24:38
  and say y'all are idiots it is true.
• 24:41
  Would you like own it and be like OK, you called my bluff
• 24:44
  like this is not actually accurate.
• 24:46
  Or would you like pull up all of your roots, move to a different
• 24:49
  community and like start a news identity where people would
• 24:52
  believe you? Like what would you do?
• 24:57
  Well, all are valid options. I think you did.
• 25:01
  You forgot to and present gaslighting or just full on,
• 25:09
  like beating them over the head with, you know, demanding that
• 25:14
  they, you know, abusing them into believing that you're I'm
• 25:18
  I'm right. So that would be another option.
• 25:20
  Oh, I'm sorry, I was including that in the doubling down.
• 25:23
  Like doubling down your lie is includes like any con artist
• 25:26
  skills that you need to implement to gaslight, to say
• 25:29
  like I'm not the problem, you're the problem.
• 25:32
  Why won't you stand by me? Yeah.
• 25:34
  I think it depends on what they're presenting me with.
• 25:38
  Like are they presented presenting me with like cold
• 25:42
  hard facts? Have I met my match in the sense
• 25:44
  that I'm not going to be able to do that?
• 25:48
  You haven't met your match, but it's like coming from lots of
• 25:51
  different voices and like, but people aren't really like
• 25:54
  comfortable enough with discomfort to really go toe to
• 25:57
  toe on you. Which I'm I'm going to double
• 25:59
  down. You're going to double down.
• 26:00
  I'm going to double down, yeah. Would you kill somebody to like,
• 26:05
  maintain your life, hypothetically?
• 26:08
  Hypothetically, it depends on the lie.
• 26:11
  I mean, I I don't know that this hypothetical version of me is
• 26:19
  drawn to murder necessarily in without there being rage, right?
• 26:25
  Like you're not. Rage premeditated the only the
• 26:28
  only stakes that you have. There's no rage involved.
• 26:30
  The only stakes that you have is you are getting attention from
• 26:35
  this lie that you're telling, and you don't want to let that
• 26:38
  go and you want to prove everybody else like, how dare
• 26:40
  you doubt me? I'm going to be right.
• 26:42
  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if murder is going
• 26:45
  to be on my list of of things to do.
• 26:48
  OK. Would you kill a baby?
• 26:51
  No, no. OK.
• 26:53
  Hypothetically, even no. So OK, well, let's.
• 27:00
  We got that. I'm not laughing about
• 27:05
  infanticide. I am like, I'm just laughing at
• 27:09
  the fact that this is where our conversation went, OK?
• 27:11
  It's not a funny topic, people. It's really serious.
• 27:13
  So let me tell you about the fucking crazy documentary that I
• 27:16
  OK. So you have watched.
• 27:17
  It I watched this last night, jaw on the floor, OK, and and
• 27:22
  actually my job wasn't on the floor, but Brandon, I kept he
• 27:25
  kept closing his eyes and I was like, honey, just it's I'll let
• 27:27
  you know when it's over. Just close your eyes, cover your
• 27:29
  ears. OK, so this woman in Texas and
• 27:34
  if a southern accent comes out, it's not trying.
• 27:36
  I'm not trying to be condescending.
• 27:38
  I'm not trying to like make fun of.
• 27:39
  I'm just getting in the spirit of this because she was from
• 27:41
  Texas. OK, This gal decided to tell
• 27:44
  everybody she was pregnant. I'm pregnant and her friends
• 27:47
  were like, mate, you've had a hysterectomy.
• 27:49
  There's no way you're cooking a kid.
• 27:50
  Like you are not physically pregnant.
• 27:53
  She's like, no, I'm pregnant and they were like, but you're not.
• 27:56
  And she already had two kids. It's not like she was like dying
• 27:58
  to be a mother. She already had two kids that
• 28:00
  she wasn't taken care of and didn't have custody of.
• 28:02
  But she was, you know, really excited to throw gender reveal
• 28:07
  parties and do maternity photo shoots.
• 28:09
  But herself, like, I'm pregnant. I'm, I'm, there's a silicone
• 28:12
  belly. I'm gonna, like, order on Amazon
• 28:14
  and here I'm gonna fake my ultrasounds.
• 28:17
  And she maintained this whole thing in the midst of all of
• 28:20
  these other lies where she was like, gonna inherit like $8
• 28:23
  million of oil money and she tried to purchase $20 million of
• 28:26
  property. And just like all these things
• 28:28
  just all over the place. But then like the pregnancy one,
• 28:33
  she really, really doubled down on and people were like, this
• 28:35
  isn't real. And she's like, it's real.
• 28:37
  And then they went to her partner and they're like, hey,
• 28:40
  partner, this is not real. And he was like, maybe they say
• 28:43
  it's not real. And she's like, why don't you
• 28:45
  stand with me? And he was like, why you coming
• 28:46
  against her? And just like point of least
• 28:50
  path of least resistance. Let her go with her thing.
• 28:52
  So dude, it comes and goes and people are like, girl, there's
• 28:55
  no baby. And she's like, the baby's not
• 28:57
  ready to come out yet. But like I'm getting my baby and
• 29:01
  I'm not coming home without a baby.
• 29:03
  Bitch goes, kills her friend, removes her friend's unborn
• 29:08
  child, and then drives to the hospital to be like I gave birth
• 29:13
  to a baby, here's my baby. Okay now I don't know if you're
• 29:16
  familiar with hospitals, but you can't just get away with shit
• 29:19
  like that because like the bloods not yours, the baby's not
• 29:21
  yours. Also, you have no uterus and
• 29:23
  this vagina clearly has not shoved a child out in the last
• 29:26
  several many years. Immediately straight to jail.
• 29:29
  She's now the youngest woman on death row in Texas.
• 29:32
  Like. Yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm
• 29:36
  familiar with this story, not the details.
• 29:39
  I'm familiar with seeing this story when it made the news
• 29:43
  rounds when it happened. See, and I don't pay attention
• 29:45
  to that stuff because I don't have emotional bandwidth for it.
• 29:47
  Until my little brain came out from work deprivation starvation
• 29:52
  mode and was like, this is what I choose.
• 29:55
  And so sweet Brandon, we finished the movie and he's
• 29:59
  like, can we watch Bake Off? Yeah.
• 30:03
  Yeah, to make off, I had weird crazy dreams all night.
• 30:08
  So did. The baby die.
• 30:09
  Oh yeah. The baby died, OK.
• 30:11
  Baby died, mom died. Horrific.
• 30:14
  Like absolute. I'm not going to give details on
• 30:16
  that because it's so, so like unbelievably.
• 30:20
  No shout out for any of that, Yeah.
• 30:23
  No, and really the only woman that should be really talked
• 30:26
  about in that story is Reagan, who is the victim, who it sounds
• 30:29
  like was a lovely, lovely human in all ways.
• 30:31
  So sad. But yeah, it was just there was
• 30:35
  nothing like that rang as diagnosable from like like a a
• 30:43
  mental illness capacity. Like she wasn't radiating
• 30:46
  sociopaths. She wasn't radiating like a
• 30:48
  psychological break or or delusions or things like that.
• 30:52
  It was just like, I mean, probably a personality disorder,
• 30:55
  but very, very clearly just like committed to this lie to great,
• 31:00
  great, great extremes. And it's it's wild, but.
• 31:04
  Did they drug test her? No.
• 31:09
  And anyway, all that just Caleb, I need help, OK?
• 31:13
  Do we need to start a true crime podcast?
• 31:16
  No, I don't have capacity for that.
• 31:18
  Absolutely not. This is a this is a nightmare.
• 31:21
  Listeners, That was a test and I passed.
• 31:23
  You failed to even ask me that question.
• 31:25
  OK, so here's what I need help with moving forward.
• 31:29
  I have actions for what I can view next.
• 31:31
  OK, OK, I can do the ROM com that's on Netflix that stars Zoe
• 31:36
  Deutsch. I don't know how to say last
• 31:38
  name. Zoe Deutsch.
• 31:39
  Deutsch, that one, she's really cute.
• 31:43
  Sure, I'm not gonna try again. Great.
• 31:45
  The Zoe. ROM com Yeah, I can let Brandon
• 31:48
  pick a show for me or you can pick a show for me.
• 31:50
  What? OK, what option do you want me
• 31:52
  to follow for viewing? Watch the ROM com.
• 31:58
  OK. Yeah, I hear it's good.
• 32:01
  Great, now reading because I'm also getting ambitious in
• 32:04
  reading where I'm like, well I've had enough horny hockey
• 32:06
  players, I should probably branch out in that capacity as
• 32:09
  well. So I have a high fantasy book
• 32:11
  that my brother recommended. I have a non fiction book that I
• 32:15
  bought for myself. There's a biography of Anthony
• 32:19
  Bourdain that I got for a birthday present from my beloved
• 32:22
  cat. And then I have 47 books on this
• 32:27
  one corner of my To be read pile.
• 32:31
  So which of those four options? High fantasy nonfiction
• 32:34
  biography or TBR. What's the high fantasy?
• 32:38
  Lies of Loch Lamora. What's your heart telling you
• 32:46
  No? No, my heart's telling me that I
• 32:48
  can't be trusted because I picked terrifying mom murder
• 32:50
  baby murder documentaries and so I need somebody.
• 32:52
  I think you should watch the OR you should read the Anthony
• 32:55
  Bourdain. OK one.
• 32:56
  Yeah, that sounds good. Little ROM com, little tragic
• 33:03
  but interesting story. It's a tragic but interesting
• 33:06
  character book, so it's not like so.
• 33:08
  It's before he killed himself, yes?
• 33:10
  Or I'm sorry. Wait.
• 33:11
  Guess. Yeah.
• 33:13
  Side by suicide. Yeah, yeah, you said it
• 33:15
  correctly. Both ways are correct.
• 33:16
  Good job, Good job. Yeah, OK, cool.
• 33:19
  OK, see calling in works. OK, what?
• 33:26
  What do you mean when? You call.
• 33:27
  Yeah, a call, a call in works. It's going.
• 33:29
  To. Call out.
• 33:30
  Yeah, right. Thank you.
• 33:31
  I was like, we are not taking calls.
• 33:33
  What do you say? I took that too literally.
• 33:35
  OK. No, you cannot call.
• 33:39
  You can do a lot of things to contact us to your listener, but
• 33:42
  calling us is not one of. Them not an option, no, no at
• 33:45
  this point in time or probably ever.
• 33:49
  Yeah, probably. Ever really answer phone?
• 33:51
  Unless you have my number, then you can call me.
• 33:53
  Yeah, I will probably answer. That's a good maybe, Yeah.
• 33:58
  OK, All right, so I'm going to watch the cute ROM com and I'm
• 34:01
  going to read that book and and no more true crime documentaries
• 34:07
  at bedtime for me. I might watch the true crime
• 34:11
  documentary because because Matthew loves the true crime,
• 34:15
  it's an easy thing to watch. We haven't watched, you know,
• 34:19
  anything new lately, so. Yeah, I think I need to let you
• 34:21
  be the one who covers that genre for us.
• 34:23
  Sure. I don't like it.
• 34:25
  I don't want it and I guess I could handle it, but my my sweet
• 34:29
  husband was traumatized by it. Yeah.
• 34:30
  Well, the content sounds horrific.
• 34:33
  To be to be clear, the content sounds horrific.
• 34:36
  When they had crime scene photos it was real bad.
• 34:38
  Yeah, that sounds really horrible.
• 34:39
  Yeah, but I will watch it. OK, yeah, you do you.
• 34:44
  Yeah. And I'm sure that you would have
• 34:45
  pulled the lie the lie off better than she did.
• 34:50
  Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, here's the thing
• 34:53
  about me. Here's the thing about me.
• 34:55
  If we want to talk about me and lying, my ex-husband and I
• 34:58
  always had this like thing that we said to each other is I
• 35:04
  really don't lie. I have no interest in my.
• 35:07
  I don't really have any secrets. Yeah.
• 35:10
  Except for my secrets, and you will never know those.
• 35:15
  Like if I have a secret, it's never coming out like I'm not
• 35:19
  going to. If I'm telling a lie, it's
• 35:21
  because that lie is embedded in the fabric of reality and it's
• 35:27
  not going to be uncovered. So.
• 35:31
  And you don't really. Why would you lie?
• 35:34
  You're so good at telling the truth in a variety of ways.
• 35:37
  Yeah, I feel much more confident and comfortable.
• 35:40
  I'm actually really not comfortable lying.
• 35:42
  It's not something that I'm good at.
• 35:46
  I feel much more confident and comfortable with just telling
• 35:49
  the truth and cutting, cutting the bullshit, cutting through to
• 35:54
  the truth of it. And that feels more fun to me.
• 35:58
  Yeah, I'm the, I am similar. I believe very strongly in this
• 36:05
  phrase I heard a long time ago, but I live by it, which is live
• 36:08
  in a territory of light, which means like if your instinct is,
• 36:11
  oh, I want to hide this away, that's my internal flag.
• 36:14
  That's like, Nah, you got to bring it forward.
• 36:17
  And it just keeps things so much simpler, not easier, but like
• 36:22
  we're not here for easy, we're here for good.
• 36:25
  And so sometimes you got to prioritize health over harmony.
• 36:29
  And that means, like, lean into the discomfort and go for it,
• 36:33
  yeah. Do the truth Those uncomfortable
• 36:35
  situations are where the growth happens.
• 36:37
  Yeah, that was my that was kind of condescending, but I hear the
• 36:41
  truth behind it. It was a condescending tone, but
• 36:44
  an uplifting message. Oh, you bounce it so beautifully
• 36:48
  too. Sing song, The sing song and the
• 36:52
  delivery can be so like, yeah. Well, I am I, I'm not a liar,
• 36:59
  but I am a condescender. I, I do have that.
• 37:02
  I've actually heard that feedback all weekend.
• 37:05
  I, I had AI had a friend in town and they were like you do tone
• 37:10
  violations and my tone violation is that I can be condescending.
• 37:17
  Like I'll say something like, you know, even a phrase that I
• 37:21
  use a lot is like, good for you, you know, good for us, right?
• 37:25
  It sounds condescending. That's fine with me.
• 37:30
  That's cool or love that for you, you know, love that.
• 37:36
  It's another condescending phrase that I use and I'm very
• 37:40
  comfortable with that and cool with it.
• 37:44
  There you go. I love the truth tellers in your
• 37:46
  life though. That will let you know if it's a
• 37:48
  problem for them and let you like have the information that
• 37:51
  you need to make the decision you need to make for yourself
• 37:53
  and how you're gonna move forward.
• 37:55
  To be clear, I didn't hear it as a problem for them or for me.
• 37:59
  I heard it as an affirmation. It might have not been.
• 38:05
  They said don't violation and I heard don't affirmation.
• 38:09
  So I don't know what it really came down to, but for me, I felt
• 38:14
  validated, affirmed, and I will continue doing exactly what I've
• 38:18
  been doing. Well, there you go.
• 38:20
  And it's better than the alternative.
• 38:21
  Like what's snapping somebody's face off like, yeah, you know, I
• 38:25
  mean, we've established that is that is not a very productive
• 38:27
  strategy that I have found in my life, but doesn't stop me from
• 38:31
  doing it. Anyway.
• 38:32
  Let's move on. Yeah, Well, that's very cool.
• 38:36
  Good stuff. Good for us.
• 38:40
  OK, Well, yeah, I was. I was really eager to look into
• 38:43
  that because I wanted to be able to like, bring something new to
• 38:46
  our conversation. I was like, this was not a
• 38:47
  choice I should have made. So.
• 38:51
  But you know, sometimes like making the choice to do
• 38:54
  something new and exploratory is.
• 39:00
  It's not the word. Great.
• 39:02
  Yeah, is great. And you learn something about
• 39:07
  yourself, which is that scary things give you bad dreams.
• 39:11
  Yeah, it's true. That's true.
• 39:13
  I'm weak sauce when it comes to that kind of stuff, so.
• 39:17
  Yeah, yeah. Well, gorgeous.
• 39:20
  Cool, it's out of the on the recommendation chart.
• 39:24
  How how many stars out of five are you giving it?
• 39:28
  I would say it was. It was very interesting.
• 39:32
  I'd give it 4. I'd give it 4 out of five.
• 39:35
  OK, four out of five stars with a content warning.
• 39:38
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, with a content warning.
• 39:40
  Infanticide. Yeah, you don't need to.
• 39:44
  No, not obsessed. I'm not here for murdering moms.
• 39:50
  It's not good. And babies just real bad.
• 39:53
  But I guess it is one of those shows where you watch it and
• 39:55
  you're like, oh gosh, thank God I'm not that person, you know?
• 39:58
  Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
• 40:01
  And I will say it was really interesting because the people
• 40:03
  around her had many, many, many opportunities to call it and
• 40:09
  they didn't. And her partner in particular
• 40:12
  was the one that fascinated me the most because she tricked it
• 40:17
  like she was pregnant, quote UN quote, for 10 months and not at
• 40:21
  all. And clearly stuff was not OK.
• 40:27
  And, and, and he must have, for whatever reason, chose not to
• 40:36
  have the hard conversation to be like, what is actually going on?
• 40:39
  And he didn't investigate it. Like she had multiple cell
• 40:42
  phones and like all kinds of stuff.
• 40:43
  Like you would have been able to find a fake pregnancy, but like,
• 40:47
  fuck Will or whatever the teacher's name is on Glee found
• 40:50
  when his wife was faking a pregnancy and he was easy.
• 40:53
  Anybody could figure it out. Like I can't imagine if he'd put
• 40:56
  any effort into it, he wouldn't have uncovered the truth.
• 41:00
  And so it is like fascinating to think about how we will
• 41:05
  willfully stay in glaringly red flag situations because denial
• 41:12
  or discomfort or yeah. Status quo, It's more.
• 41:17
  Gosh, so many reasons people will stay like a frog in a pot.
• 41:21
  That's where the water's boiling.
• 41:23
  You know where you're like, this is bad.
• 41:25
  This is. Really.
• 41:25
  Cognitive dissonance? Is that what that's called, or
• 41:28
  is that something else? Cognitive dissonance is where
• 41:31
  there's like, you can feel the tension in the grind in your
• 41:34
  brain where you're just like, this does not match up.
• 41:37
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
• 41:39
  No, I don't know. I read it as like nobody had
• 41:42
  taught these men or this man in particular to like, trust or
• 41:46
  understand his feelings or to like, think through like we
• 41:49
  have. We have to teach people how to
• 41:51
  process, recognize feelings and say that recognize their
• 41:54
  instincts and to be able to respond appropriately.
• 41:56
  Yeah, say that. Yeah.
• 41:59
  And to have those tough, I mean, tough conversations are tough.
• 42:01
  They're uncomfortable and calling someone out that is
• 42:05
  making it very clear that they believe, you know, that they're
• 42:11
  live, even if it's very clear that it's not true.
• 42:15
  It's like, what do I do? I love this person or I'm
• 42:19
  attached to this person in some type of way.
• 42:21
  I mean, I'm not, I haven't watched it.
• 42:22
  I'm gonna watch it and I'll report what I think.
• 42:24
  But just based on what I'm hearing, I'm like, are drugs
• 42:27
  involved? Drugs feel like they must be
• 42:29
  involved in some way, but. Not have.
• 42:31
  Love as a drug, you know he. Didn't even love her.
• 42:34
  He admitted that too. He never even told her he loved
• 42:36
  her. Like it was weird.
• 42:38
  It's weird, but you know that classic abuser technique of
• 42:42
  isolation, like there was enough people, nobody came together in
• 42:46
  in community to sit him down and say this piece of information,
• 42:50
  this piece of information, this piece of information, it was all
• 42:53
  individual conversations. And abusers can counter and
• 42:55
  gaslight individual conversations like that.
• 42:58
  And so like isolation is such a tool for oppressors and users
• 43:03
  and manipulators and liars like. And I'm interested, I'll be I'll
• 43:07
  be scoping him out too. And when I watch, I'm like, what
• 43:11
  were you? What were you doing?
• 43:12
  You know how what's going on with you?
• 43:16
  OK, great. We'll, we'll come back to this.
• 43:18
  Listeners, I'm going to look into this this.
• 43:20
  Week, I can't wait to talk more about this horrible situation.
• 43:24
  Fantastic. I'm so looking forward to it.
• 43:26
  Let's go, let's go. All right, so we looked into
• 43:31
  that. We looked into those things.
• 43:34
  I feel like it's probably time to spin the wheel.
• 43:37
  Hey I'm I'm down to spin the wheel.
• 43:39
  Let's spin it. Let's spin the wheel.
• 43:41
  Cue the audio. Brandon, Spin the Wheel.
• 43:46
  For those of you who are not familiar with this segment
• 43:50
  because you're new, because you found us and we're so glad that
• 43:52
  you're here. Spin the Wheel is a segment of
• 43:54
  our show where we contribute different topics that have
• 43:58
  pinged on our radar throughout the week and we spin it.
• 44:01
  They come up randomly and whoever's topic it is gets one
• 44:04
  minute to voice their thoughts on that.
• 44:07
  Caleb has added some recurring topics to this wheel.
• 44:10
  So this is developing as we go along and I am going to need you
• 44:17
  to get a timer out because we really, really sucked at the one
• 44:23
  minute limit in the last couple times that we did this.
• 44:26
  I listen, I was like this is not a short segment.
• 44:28
  This is a situation. Listeners, when we say one
• 44:32
  minute. We means, you know, whatever we
• 44:35
  want. Whatever we feel, it's this is
• 44:37
  this is a vibes moment for us, OK?
• 44:42
  A lot of swaying dance movements happening for you right now.
• 44:46
  OK. Are you ready?
• 44:48
  I'm ready with a timer. With a timer, that's good.
• 44:52
  OK, the first thing that came up.
• 44:56
  New business. Scary scam mail.
• 45:02
  I think that's mine, but that's. Yours.
• 45:03
  That's got to be yours, OK. Start me.
• 45:07
  Let's go. OK, go.
• 45:10
  Starting a business is really intimidating and really hard if
• 45:14
  it's something that you've never done before.
• 45:16
  And as soon as you sign up for like a business bank account and
• 45:20
  file for like a tax ID number, all of these scammy businesses
• 45:23
  come out of nowhere and send you really official looking
• 45:26
  documentation that's like, hey, there's an urgent timeline on
• 45:30
  this and you have to take action.
• 45:31
  And you're like, well, I'm an idiot and I don't know what do I
• 45:33
  have to take action on this? And you open it and you're like,
• 45:36
  this is a fucking scam. But it's terrifying.
• 45:38
  I'm not a fan of scammers. Don't do that to me.
• 45:41
  I'm already struggling. No, not OK.
• 45:45
  That's. I agree with that.
• 45:46
  OK. Do you send scam emails or mails
• 45:48
  to people you? Would I certainly don't, no, I
• 45:51
  don't send scam. I don't even send.
• 45:53
  I, I, I have a MailChimp account and I don't even you.
• 45:58
  I spend $40 a month for a MailChimp account I don't use.
• 46:01
  So for that, you know, I'm supposed to send out like, you
• 46:05
  know, a monthly newsletter or something like that.
• 46:08
  Yeah. I just don't fucking do it.
• 46:09
  OK, Well, yeah, I I should. I should.
• 46:12
  If I want my business to actually, you know, be
• 46:15
  successful, I should. But.
• 46:16
  Your business is successful, but thank you for not scamming
• 46:18
  innocent people who are just trying to like be good grown-ups
• 46:21
  and start their thing. Yeah.
• 46:23
  It was under a minute. It was, yeah.
• 46:25
  Such a good job. You banked some extra time.
• 46:29
  This must be yours, tipping culture.
• 46:33
  Yeah, OK. I guess this is a little bit
• 46:38
  more conversational, but I'm just going to say what I feel
• 46:40
  and then we can talk about it. Let's go.
• 46:43
  OK, so tipping culture is out of control.
• 46:45
  And I say that as someone in the service industry and someone who
• 46:49
  relies on tips for my for my in in my job, I work as a bartender
• 46:54
  as well as everything else that I do.
• 46:58
  So like I do rely on tips, but it is so much that like at the
• 47:05
  not at like QFC, but like at the grocery store or at the market
• 47:08
  you go and you pay and there's like, do you want to add a tip
• 47:12
  at the, I get the coffee shop and, and all of that, but it's
• 47:16
  like everything is a tip. And now like I went to a
• 47:19
  restaurant yesterday and the lowest tip percentage was 25
• 47:23
  percent 253035. And I'm like, what am I?
• 47:28
  And the fajitas are $27.00. I'm like everything is so
• 47:33
  fucking expensive and tip culture is crazy.
• 47:38
  I don't know what the solution is necessarily or if there's a
• 47:43
  solution, but I do want to say that as someone who has tipped
• 47:49
  faithfully every server that I've ever had, I am pulling
• 47:56
  back. I'm pulling back and I'm going
• 47:59
  to have to. I'm not tipping at the bodega.
• 48:05
  I will continue to tip my servers when I go out to a
• 48:08
  restaurant and sit and eat, but I don't know that I'm going to
• 48:11
  tip on to go orders and things like that.
• 48:14
  I'm I'm just going to have to pray about that and take it
• 48:18
  situationally until we get this under control, that's all.
• 48:24
  OK. I need your help on this because
• 48:26
  I am not somebody who's in the service industry and I get
• 48:28
  really intimidated by all the tip requests.
• 48:31
  And like, if you're standing behind the counter and I'm
• 48:35
  ordering something and all the effort that it takes is you pull
• 48:38
  it out from the case and you hand it to me, am I supposed to
• 48:40
  tip a dollar on that, $2.00 on that?
• 48:43
  No, I don't think so. I think.
• 48:45
  It Caleb, I do every time. And I feel like I'm supposed to.
• 48:50
  I'm such a sucker. I'm the reason.
• 48:52
  Well. It's on there, right?
• 48:54
  And it's like, it's an expectation and I'm like, but
• 48:57
  you're doing the service that I paid you to do.
• 48:59
  But also I don't want you to be mad at me if I don't tip.
• 49:02
  And so tip because I don't want to be rude because I know there
• 49:05
  are so many industries where your income is dependent on
• 49:10
  tips. And I don't want to screw
• 49:11
  somebody out of their like income because I didn't want to
• 49:16
  pay an extra dollar. Like if that's the only dollar
• 49:18
  that they're going to make, they can take my money.
• 49:22
  I tip aggressively on like grocery delivery.
• 49:25
  Like if I have an Instacart driver, I'm gonna give a real
• 49:28
  good tip because like, that's you went to Costco for me.
• 49:31
  And yeah, that's worth a lot of money, right?
• 49:34
  Right, let the service reflect like let the tip amount reflect
• 49:38
  the service offered. Yeah, that's.
• 49:40
  Kind of how it can be the. Convenience.
• 49:43
  OK, Can I do that? I'm gonna try.
• 49:45
  I will. I will also try to step back
• 49:47
  because I I also don't think that makes me very
• 49:51
  uncomfortable, but I don't, I don't feel like I have the
• 49:54
  rules. I don't know the rules I'm
• 49:56
  supposed to follow. I think they're ever changing.
• 49:58
  I But I for me, your bartender. I'm a bartender.
• 50:03
  So of course your bartender should always be tipped.
• 50:06
  Yeah, but I want you to know that I made sure that our bar
• 50:14
  has a 20% autograph. There's no option.
• 50:17
  And it makes me a much nicer bartender because I know you're
• 50:20
  tipping me 20% because you don't have a choice, babe.
• 50:22
  And I'm taking it, but I am. It just makes me a much nicer
• 50:28
  person. But that's lovely.
• 50:31
  You took the question out of it. That's great.
• 50:34
  And a lot of people say that honestly, I get a lot of
• 50:37
  feedback at the club where I obviously we say it to everyone.
• 50:41
  There's a 20% automatic gratuity on our, on your, you know, tab
• 50:47
  and it's every transaction we say it.
• 50:49
  And I think people are happy that it's taken off and that
• 50:52
  they don't need to feel uncertain or anything like that.
• 50:55
  And it all goes to the bar staff, like it goes to whoever
• 50:59
  is received or it's a tip pool. So it goes to the whole bar
• 51:02
  staff. But yeah, places that I think
• 51:05
  should absolutely receive tips or your coffee shop in the
• 51:10
  morning, like if they're if you're ordering a coffee I'm
• 51:13
  taking or, or a beverage that they're they're they're multiple
• 51:17
  ingredients are going into the beverage.
• 51:20
  Beverage services, OK. Beverage services and food
• 51:24
  services, if you're sitting and they're deliver, you know,
• 51:29
  they're talking to you, they're delivering your food, they're
• 51:31
  putting in an order. All of those things, any it, all
• 51:34
  of it. I think if you're taking A to
• 51:36
  go, an appropriate tip amount is significantly lower.
• 51:42
  I would say 10% is the cap for me.
• 51:47
  I would leave a 10% tip because that just sounds very generous.
• 51:51
  But I'm not giving 20% on A to go order.
• 51:53
  That's insane to me. I'm taking that home.
• 51:57
  I'm going to plate it myself. I'm probably going to have to
• 52:00
  mix it myself. I'm probably going to have to
• 52:01
  reheat it and so there's that. Delivery, I think is different.
• 52:06
  You should always tip your delivery drivers.
• 52:10
  What about fast food? Absolutely not.
• 52:13
  OK. I mean, obviously if it's being
• 52:15
  delivered, but not like you go to Burgerville and they ring up
• 52:18
  your order and they're like give us an extra 15% for your French
• 52:21
  fries. I.
• 52:22
  Mean I tip it subway I tip I do tip it subway because they.
• 52:27
  Put it together with them. Sandwich, yeah.
• 52:29
  Yeah, it's a good question because I guess I say absolutely
• 52:32
  not because I've never really thought about fast food as like
• 52:36
  a as a tipped situation. But what makes them no, because
• 52:40
  it's to go. Yeah.
• 52:42
  It's to go. OK, well listeners, if you have
• 52:45
  opinions please send them to us. Please give us the opinions.
• 52:49
  If they're wrong, we're not going to take them, just to be
• 52:52
  clear. But we still want to hear them.
• 52:54
  But we want to hear them. Yeah.
• 52:55
  Tell us. We'd like your engagement if
• 52:57
  nothing else. We love engagement, Mama.
• 53:00
  You could tell us we're wrong. That's fine.
• 53:04
  OK, We went way over a minute there, but I think it was
• 53:06
  important. It was collaborative and we did
• 53:08
  need to learn things. Yeah, Type A or Type B
• 53:14
  personality traits. OK, this is gonna be another one
• 53:20
  that takes a little bit of time. Damn it.
• 53:22
  OK. Are you a type?
• 53:25
  What are you know, Do you know the types?
• 53:27
  And I guess it's kind of like Foggy.
• 53:29
  And the fact that you just told me that you were gonna violate
• 53:31
  our time limit and I got mad at you for it is pretty clear
• 53:34
  indication of which types we are in this conversation.
• 53:37
  Hi. I'm A Hi.
• 53:38
  You're B. Let's go.
• 53:41
  I think, yeah. I mean, I think so.
• 53:43
  I've always considered myself a bit of a Type B person and I
• 53:50
  wanted to I took a couple of notes on this.
• 53:54
  You did? Yeah.
• 53:57
  Oh my gosh. Look at your Type A showing.
• 53:59
  Let's bring her out. Bring her out.
• 54:02
  Because type. So I found out that type A and
• 54:04
  type B came first. They were the those were the
• 54:07
  first like personality types or whatever in the in the whatever.
• 54:11
  And later Type C was added, and then most recently type D was.
• 54:21
  Added Why are we complicating it?
• 54:22
  There's just two of us. I know, I know, I know, I know.
• 54:26
  Type D seems really depressing though, so.
• 54:30
  Leave her out of the conversation.
• 54:32
  But the the note Type A is driven, competitive, impatient,
• 54:38
  high achieving time, conscience conscious and can be intense or
• 54:44
  controlling. OK, I'm sorry, let's also manage
• 54:48
  this a little bit. Yeah, that's a very negative
• 54:51
  list. I would like to reframe some of
• 54:53
  these. So we will, we can, we can and
• 54:56
  we could, you know, we could look into this if we need more
• 54:58
  type as well, Type B. These are just the notes I took,
• 55:01
  well, you. Take B notes.
• 55:03
  Why don't you come at me so hard right now?
• 55:08
  I'm not intense, Caleb. Type B is more relaxed,
• 55:18
  flexible, you're. Such a bitch right now I cannot
• 55:21
  with you. Less competitive.
• 55:24
  Unreliable. Yeah, unreliable.
• 55:27
  I did put that. I did put that.
• 55:30
  Perhaps a little lazy and less urgency driven.
• 55:37
  Type C, detail oriented, careful, controlled, emotionally
• 55:43
  restrained, analytical, perfectionistic, conflict
• 55:48
  avoidant. I'll just handle it myself.
• 55:51
  Type Person. OK.
• 55:53
  And then Type D was like pessimistic emotional distress,
• 55:58
  social inhibition. They seem like kind of unwell.
• 56:01
  Not my not my style at all. However you identify if you're
• 56:05
  hearing us react negatively to those, it's not a statement on
• 56:08
  you. It's a statement in response to
• 56:10
  our own discomfort with types that are not our own.
• 56:12
  OK, That's what, yeah. Yeah.
• 56:14
  Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that great
• 56:16
  disclaimer. Yeah.
• 56:19
  And if you're dealing with that, that's, that's your thing you
• 56:21
  do. Yeah.
• 56:26
  I with that in mind, I kind of feel like I might be a little
• 56:31
  bit of like a Type C, but I guess maybe we just maybe I
• 56:35
  contain multitudes, OK. I'm gonna I'm gonna respond in
• 56:40
  in rapid fire, OK? Please please.
• 56:42
  Too simplistic for the complexity of human nature and
• 56:45
  personality. OK, yes, if you want to get into
• 56:48
  personality type assessments, we could look into those and we
• 56:50
  could get Myers Briggs. We could go strength finders, we
• 56:54
  could go Enneagram. We could talk about so many.
• 56:56
  There are so many different ways to try to understand and
• 56:59
  categorize humanity and how we show up consistently in this
• 57:02
  world outside of astrology symbols like you and I talk
• 57:05
  about all the time. Astrology symbols.
• 57:09
  I'm new to that woo woo world. So that's been I was raised.
• 57:13
  I think it was woo woo. OK, I'm going to Yeah, yeah,
• 57:15
  yeah. So to just say, put a dichotomy
• 57:17
  in there or even a trichotomy. New word, new word.
• 57:23
  Who does? Polychotomy.
• 57:26
  That's your style, babe. Straight monogamous Over here
• 57:32
  there was only two personality types and never.
• 57:34
  Heard yet? I said.
• 57:37
  Maybe. Let's expand.
• 57:40
  We were fearing into such strange territory.
• 57:44
  I don't even know where I was going with that other than it's
• 57:46
  oversimplified. It's two, yeah.
• 57:48
  I agree with you, I don't like it.
• 57:50
  And I would like to reframe from a strength perspective because I
• 57:54
  am a strength focused person, okay.
• 57:56
  I would like to say that type A tend to be more comfortable with
• 58:00
  organization and with structure. They like to typically plan
• 58:05
  things out and have things go in a predictable manner, so they're
• 58:10
  great in delivering that. If you need somebody to
• 58:14
  facilitate or somebody to organize or somebody to manage,
• 58:17
  like those are great skills that they'll bring to the table.
• 58:21
  Type B, don't make that face at me.
• 58:24
  Type B brings a lot of flexibility and a lot of
• 58:29
  presence and an ability to go with the flow and adjust when
• 58:33
  things get out of whack. And so like one of the things I
• 58:36
  love about Type B is their ability to just show up and make
• 58:39
  whatever's happening work. Can be difficult to collaborate
• 58:43
  with Type B if you are very strictly Type A because maybe
• 58:48
  you want to put a structure on things and the other person is
• 58:50
  just a chaos gremlin and they want to just like but also that
• 58:53
  can create lots of opportunities for fun and joy and those of us
• 58:56
  that are type A knee type easier life.
• 58:58
  So thank you to Caleb and Brandon for bringing that fun.
• 59:04
  I love that and we need type A's in our world.
• 59:08
  Yeah, you do. Laundry wouldn't get done and
• 59:10
  people wouldn't get fed. OK.
• 59:12
  And that's true, by the way. I don't do laundry.
• 59:14
  I will not. I will.
• 59:16
  I will feed. I will cook.
• 59:18
  I do cook. Yeah, and.
• 59:20
  Plan dinner. Matthew is all the laundry.
• 59:23
  Oh yeah, I will not touch. It I hope you tip him that oh,
• 59:25
  we're not getting into that conversation.
• 59:26
  I can't actually let me note for the audio, we are both covering
• 59:33
  our mouths and trying to laugh away from the microphones
• 59:35
  because of what I just almost LED us into.
• 59:37
  OK, we're gonna spin the wheel. Next topic.
• 59:42
  Maddie, we love you. Happy.
• 59:43
  My God, I think most of this episode is just us laughing,
• 59:47
  which is fine. You said what's on your playlist
• 59:50
  right now. Yeah, what's on your playlist
• 59:52
  right now? It's our random summer playlist.
• 59:56
  It's a lot of hype music and I tried to add a bunch of variety
• 59:59
  and I picked some songs from like the depths of the archives
• 1:00:02
  and I picked wrong songs. So, so yeah, Hanson came up.
• 1:00:07
  Got to introduce my children to Hanson a little.
• 1:00:10
  Fun bop that's. Great.
• 1:00:13
  How about you? Well, I literally I just pulled
• 1:00:18
  up my Spotify and you'll never imagine OC Elliot is right here
• 1:00:23
  playing. So there it is.
• 1:00:26
  There it is. That's your playlist.
• 1:00:28
  That's my new floor Cross. OK OK, Supergirl and Bigfoot.
• 1:00:36
  These are two separate projects, but they're both movies, so I
• 1:00:38
  put them on one slice. Supergirl is in theaters right
• 1:00:41
  now and is bombing at the box office, but all the reviews are
• 1:00:45
  super, super positive and so I am chalking that out.
• 1:00:49
  The world hates women. Yes, the press coverage that I'm
• 1:00:52
  seeing make me want to go out to the theater and take my entire
• 1:00:54
  family and buy tickets and watch Supergirl because it looks like
• 1:00:57
  she's badass. And that's the thing.
• 1:00:59
  OK, Bigfoot, this is no random, but I was like freaking out in
• 1:01:05
  an antique store in Joseph, Oregon 'cause I found these neon
• 1:01:09
  magenta like pants that were just absolutely an assault on my
• 1:01:13
  senses and they were incredible. And so I got into a conversation
• 1:01:16
  with a lady about it because obviously, like, we're going to
• 1:01:19
  chat about the pants. And she was an extra in a movie
• 1:01:23
  that's coming out called Bad News for Bigfoot.
• 1:01:26
  And he's so freaking random. It stars Chris Elliott, which as
• 1:01:30
  we know is rolling shit from Schitt's Creek and.
• 1:01:34
  Do we know that? That's great.
• 1:01:35
  Yeah, he's a famous character actor.
• 1:01:38
  You might know him as Woogie from Something About Mary or he
• 1:01:41
  was in Groundhog Day. It's all, all kinds of things.
• 1:01:44
  Anyway, this takes place in the 80s in small town Pacific
• 1:01:48
  Northwest and it's called Bad News for Bigfoot and it'll be
• 1:01:51
  out in a couple years. But I just thought it was so fun
• 1:01:53
  to meet an extra who showed me all these photos of her 80s
• 1:01:56
  costumes that she was in on set and that's all it just needed.
• 1:02:00
  That's awesome, I love it. I'm going to watch Supergirl and
• 1:02:04
  at some point that movie will come out and be like, Oh my
• 1:02:06
  gosh, I remember something about that.
• 1:02:10
  OK, that was one in a minute. I'm sorry.
• 1:02:11
  No, it was. It was just barely, but that's.
• 1:02:14
  Just barely. Wow, this some great, some great
• 1:02:21
  typing Mid year fire horse check in PE bib mid year fire horse
• 1:02:29
  check in. But then your thumbs went.
• 1:02:33
  I see that right now. Huh.
• 1:02:38
  Interesting. Yeah.
• 1:02:40
  Slay. Well, you know, as we have
• 1:02:43
  discussed, it is the year of the Fire Horse.
• 1:02:45
  Yeah. And we started out, I mean,
• 1:02:50
  we're about, we're a little over halfway through the year, right.
• 1:02:53
  So I was like, how is the Fire Horse going for you?
• 1:02:57
  You know, I was just thinking about that fire horse today and
• 1:03:00
  I was thinking that she promised lots of forward movement.
• 1:03:04
  And I think it's hard to have objectivity in this season
• 1:03:08
  because I feel like I don't feel like I'm sprinting, but there's
• 1:03:11
  been a lot of change and a lot of forward movement.
• 1:03:14
  I think objectively from the outside, you could be like,
• 1:03:16
  well, you started a podcast, shifted a career, started a new
• 1:03:20
  job and I don't feel like I'm on fire and sprinting down a beach
• 1:03:25
  like a majestic stallion. So that is what I want to feel
• 1:03:29
  like. So we'll have to see what the
• 1:03:31
  second-half of the year looks like cuz he's setting some stuff
• 1:03:33
  up. But now let's see if it takes
• 1:03:34
  off. You know, what's going to be the
• 1:03:35
  indicator is I wonder how long it's going to take me to build
• 1:03:37
  my caseload If it takes six weeks versus if it takes six
• 1:03:41
  months to get up to like full time.
• 1:03:44
  I'm, I'm really curious to see. That's why I was thinking about
• 1:03:46
  the Firehouse. I was like, come on bitch, come
• 1:03:48
  through for me, let's go. Let's get it.
• 1:03:50
  Promised. I was promised a year.
• 1:03:51
  How about you? How's the Fire Horse Year going
• 1:03:53
  for you? Well, it's funny because I don't
• 1:03:55
  think I've ever sat and and thought about the year of the
• 1:03:59
  Chinese Zodiac before. This is the way that I have this
• 1:04:03
  year and it has in everything I've done.
• 1:04:06
  I've I've keep coming back to this vision of this fire horse,
• 1:04:10
  this horse on fire and yeah, very that and I my year has been
• 1:04:21
  so much about just like trimming and releasing and just burning
• 1:04:32
  away shit that is not serving me.
• 1:04:35
  And I am identifying it so intensely and I have spent years
• 1:04:44
  being meticulous about never burning a bridge.
• 1:04:47
  I have. And and like the bridges that
• 1:04:49
  I've burned have been like this has to go right.
• 1:04:52
  Like baby, this year I'm burning them all.
• 1:04:58
  I'm like, if you if that bridge, it looks so much as a stone out
• 1:05:02
  of place, burn it. It's out of here.
• 1:05:07
  That is how I've been and I'm, it has allowed me to release a
• 1:05:12
  lot of energy that has been like being poured into relationships
• 1:05:20
  and, and like adventures, like business ventures, stuff like
• 1:05:24
  that, partnerships, anything that has not been reciprocating
• 1:05:28
  that energy back into me, that investment back into me.
• 1:05:32
  And it's allowed me to take that and start identifying new
• 1:05:35
  avenues in which I can, I can pour my energy into one of those
• 1:05:39
  big ones being myself. Yeah.
• 1:05:43
  So I think that right now, and maybe that's why I've been so
• 1:05:48
  focused on the fire horse because it's this like it feels
• 1:05:52
  really correct, like it just makes sense.
• 1:05:58
  So yeah, right now as we are in July, but I am definitely
• 1:06:05
  feeling like the the horse is on fire and we're we're burning
• 1:06:09
  anything that is in my way and I think it'll continue to be that
• 1:06:14
  so. That's so interesting because we
• 1:06:17
  just came out of the year of the snake.
• 1:06:19
  And so the end of this previous year in the Chinese Zodiac was
• 1:06:22
  about the shed of like releasing and letting go things that you
• 1:06:26
  have outgrown that no longer fit and serve you.
• 1:06:30
  And so and I was so I drove to my first.
• 1:06:33
  That resonates with me. I was driving to my new office
• 1:06:36
  for my first day was today and was thinking like, I really want
• 1:06:39
  to be intentional about setting my intention for how I'm going
• 1:06:42
  to move in to this next season. Because one of the the wisdom
• 1:06:47
  that was coming out and all the discussions are on the fire
• 1:06:49
  horse was about being like the shed is so important.
• 1:06:53
  That burning process that you're discussing is so important
• 1:06:55
  because with forward movement, like don't bring stuff with you
• 1:07:00
  that needs to be behind. And I'm curious, I'm curious to
• 1:07:05
  see what the second-half this year brings.
• 1:07:06
  Let's see how woo woo we can get with it.
• 1:07:08
  Like, let's get, let's go. Hello.
• 1:07:11
  Well, we've identified a lot of things in this this episode that
• 1:07:18
  we are gonna look into, so I hope someone's taking a list.
• 1:07:23
  Maybe, yeah, if a listener wants to do that for us, that's great.
• 1:07:27
  Otherwise, we'll see what we come up with next.
• 1:07:29
  Week. See what happens next week.
• 1:07:33
  Do we have any more wheel to spin?
• 1:07:34
  No, I think we're good for now, but thank you for that was such
• 1:07:38
  a beautiful wrap up. You just did.
• 1:07:39
  And I think we couldn't have wrapped up on a possible better
• 1:07:42
  note of like, dude, leave the stuff that no longer fits you
• 1:07:45
  behind and move forward with intention and confidence.
• 1:07:49
  Let's go. Yeah, I see Brandon play us out.
• 1:07:53
  Let's go. Another episode of Looking into.
• 1:07:54
  Thank you. Join us next week or whenever we
• 1:07:56
  record again because it's summer and it will be sporadic.
• 1:07:58
  Yay. Bye.
• 1:07:59
  Bye.