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Transcript

SOBER TALK SA Cathy · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Finally, I got a job up in Darwin.
• 0:03
  So we all went up there. My son was nine months old, and
• 0:07
  then I married this guy. And once we got to Darwin, that
• 0:11
  was it. That was sort of like an
• 0:13
  alcoholic paradise. And yeah, so you could actually
• 0:18
  go to the pub and you could get drunk and no one would think
• 0:22
  anything of it. And we'd take our son there and
• 0:26
  then my then husband, I don't believe he was an alcoholic, but
• 0:34
  he'd always say, look, I'm going to take our son home.
• 0:37
  And I'd say, well, I'm just going to have one more for the
• 0:39
  road, one more for the road. You know, look, I'll catch a bus
• 0:43
  home or I'll catch a cab home, don't worry.
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  Just one more drink. So I didn't want to go home at
• 0:49
  that time because it was party time and did I ever have one
• 0:52
  drink? No one drink's too many and
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  1000's not enough. So I you know, I would stay
• 1:01
  right to the end and then I'd bring a couple of people home
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  and want a party and wonder why my husband would say, well, you
• 1:11
  know, it's time to go to bed. It's you know, these people need
• 1:15
  to go home. But once I had wondering, I was
• 1:20
  forced to continue and it was party time.
• 1:23
  It was I didn't care. I became extremely selfish.
• 1:27
  I didn't care. So finally my husband and I, we
• 1:33
  broke up and he went to Sydney, I went to, I stayed in Darwin
• 1:39
  and I was still working and we made the decision that our son
• 1:44
  was going to be better off in Sydney because all the family
• 1:47
  were there. And so that's how that happened.
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  And then we and then so we parted way and I still kept in
• 1:56
  in touch with my son. My son was about 3 at the time.
• 1:59
  And so it was party time to meet up.
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  Party time. So all I did was go to work and
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  then I drink and so, but it didn't take long.
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  There was starting to be suicide attempts.
• 2:14
  So things weren't that flat. It looked on the outside that
• 2:17
  things were great and I was having a great time.
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  But inwardly I felt, I felt disgusting.
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  I felt I, I did some things so beneath me, particularly in this
• 2:29
  time when I was, I was single. Yeah, It it was just, I reached
• 2:38
  the level that I'd never reached before.
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  And anyway, school holidays had come up and I was due to fly
• 2:45
  down and see my son. And I've been a few months and
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  I, I was supposed to fly out on the Wednesday and I, I came out
• 2:58
  of this drunken stupor on a Tuesday morning and I thought, I
• 3:02
  don't think I can stop thinking. I don't think I can be down
• 3:07
  there and not drink. And I knew I'd gone beyond being
• 3:12
  able to drink safely. Like I, I just knew in my gut
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  that I could no longer drink. I, I almost like had an
• 3:22
  awakening of I can no longer drink like a normal person.
• 3:27
  I, I and I hadn't even been to IA, but at that point I thought,
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  now I can't have one or two drinks.
• 3:34
  If I have one or two drinks, I'll have to get totally wiped
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  out and black out. That's, that's it.
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  There's no choice or don't drink at all.
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  And I had this awakening of I don't think I can do it.
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  I don't think I can be down there to see my son and not
• 3:55
  drink. And, and I knew that felt
• 3:58
  really, you know, it just wasn't going to be too good.
• 4:01
  So anyway, I came out of the dupa and I woke up and, and
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  there was people around the house, you know, lying around
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  sort of like it was pretty bad, you know, like cans of a beer
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  where, you know, tipped over and it was just a mess.
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  And, and I looked around me and I thought, I can't do this
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  anymore. So I looked up a A in the phone
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  book and there was there, I rang a A and there was no answer.
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  So 'cause we told you about 1986, right?
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  I was 24 years old. There was no answer, so I rang
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  the one next one down in the phone book and it said Amity
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  half and I thought, oh, Amity, I think that means friend in
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  French. So they might be able to help
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  me. They might be able to help me.
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  I, I knew I'd have to go to a A to do something about my
• 5:01
  drinking and quick smart because I was supposed to fly out.
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  So I I rang Amity half and the guy that answered the phone just
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  happened to be the secretary of the a a meeting that night, and
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  it had nothing to do with a A. In fact, it was just when the
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  point O eight, I think, was coming in and people were trying
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  to learn how to drink faithfully and not fill it while they were
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  driving. I guess I don't know, but so
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  this this guy was actually working there and he was
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  actually due to he was due to leave that job kind of pretty
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  soon after that day, but he was there And so I went to the he
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  told me about the meeting and he couldn't get me there.
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  No one could pick me up. So he said you'll have to catch
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  a couple of buses. And I did have AI did actually
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  have a license, but I didn't have a car.
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  So I was having to catch a few buses.
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  So I had to catch 2 buses and walk of kilometers to get the
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  meeting, but I was obviously meant to be there, so that's
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  what I did. He he said.
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  That's where the meeting is. I'll be there, there'll be
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  others there. And I caught the bus, there's
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  two buses and walked and got to the meeting and members welcomed
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  me And there were people like typing Tony Blind Alan,
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  basically Glennis. There was a a mixture of all
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  sorts of like it was like licorice, all sorts.
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  For sure that that was just a raw medley of there was no, you
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  couldn't say that was definitely an alcoholic.
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  And then there was some guy who was so good looking.
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  This is Darwin Paul. He's been so the same time as me
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  and I thought you can't possibly be an alcoholic, you're too
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  young and you look too well. But anyway, so there I was and
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  it was a steps meeting and they handed me a book on step 7 and
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  asked me to read a paragraph. And I know Tyson and Tony said
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  look, we really need to have an ID meeting and ID means where
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  the person gets up and shares. It's not actually a specific
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  meeting about the steps or a big book.
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  Yeah, So it was a bit of both. It was a, it was a bit of an ID
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  meeting, process steps meeting. And but I remember looking up
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  the steps and reading step one where it said with Palace of
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  Rock. And I thought, well, that's a
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  bit much. That's a bit out of the top.
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  But then I saw the third step and I thought, God, I've
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  understood him. I thought that is the most
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  brilliant thing I've seen because I have struggled over
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  the years with this is before AAI was a Sunday school teacher
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  at one stage. But I really struggled with the
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  fact that, you know, with the the commandments and I had,
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  yeah, I got pregnant out of wedlock and stuff like that.
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  And I felt really guilty about that.
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  And it really, I really struggled for that sort of
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  stuff. But here I could read this guys
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  were in the stoodie muscle. I sort of thought I took that as
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  like some sort of high apparel of the universe.
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  And it it was it was more freeing when I read it.
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  But I really had it was just the beginning.
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  So that night, probably Tony and teacher Tom took me back to
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  their caravan park and we talked for till about 2:00 in the
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  morning. And I had so many questions
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  because I thought maybe this is it.
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  Maybe, maybe I have got the solution here.
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  So they took me home and then the next morning, because
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  remember, I was on holiday, so about 7:00 in the morning, keep
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  banging on my bedroom windows, get up, get up.
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  You know, you've gotta get up. And I was supposed to fly out.
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  I was supposed to fly out that day.
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  Now there was a plane strike or something and all the planes are
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  grounded. So I actually couldn't fly out
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  that day. I couldn't fly out.
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  So that was the Wednesday. I couldn't fly out till Sunday.
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  So I believe the hot my higher power gave me an opportunity to
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  spend some time with members, start getting well and not
• 9:49
  drinking and learning about a A so that when I got to Sydney, I
• 9:53
  could be Saber for my son. So, and that's exactly what
• 9:57
  happened. Like Tony put me around.
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  I met all the members, I went to the meeting.
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  He kind of helped me. He kind of fed me a bit because
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  I didn't have anything in the the fridge, got rid of all my
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  alcohol. It was suggested to me to get
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  rid of all the the bongs and the because I I, you know, I was
• 10:17
  smoking a little bit of dope. It wasn't my big, not a big part
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  of my story. There was, but he said you know
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  your best, you know, do this all sober, totally sober without,
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  without the the dose as well. So, and that's what I did.
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  I put it down. So my last drink and drug was
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  4:30 in the morning on the 8th of July 1986.
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  So that's 34 years and so 34 years of recovery in a, a now, I
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  didn't know at that beginning that that was going to be the
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  beginning of an amazing life. I had no idea.
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  It was also going to be the beginning of something really
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  hard. I was going to have to take off
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  the onion skin layers. I was going to have to be a mum
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  that I didn't know how to be. I, I, there was so much I had to
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  learn about myself. I had to learn how selfish I
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  was, but I also had to learn that there was some good things
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  about me too, and that I didn't need to put myself down.
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  I had to learn that I had, you know, an inferiority complex,
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  but I also had a big ego. So I'm kind of, you know, there
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  was so much I had to learn and I needed to go to a lot of
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  meetings. So when I, when I went down to
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  Sydney, I saw my son and we went round to a lot of meetings.
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  And he was only little and he, he was such a good little boy
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  And, and I had to make some pretty tough decisions because
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  the main thing was he needed a sober mum.
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  And coming into IA, you don't just put the drink down and
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  that's the end of the story. There was a lot I had to work
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  through. There was a lot I had to learn
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  about myself. There was a lot I had to learn
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  about relationships. I'm totally sensitive.
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  I had to learn not all about me. Still trying to work on that
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  one. I had to develop a relationship
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  with my higher power. Yeah.
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  And do the steps. And, you know, it's not for me.
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  It hasn't been yet. Let's just go through the steps
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  and they're done. Like 4:00 and 5:00, that's done.
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  I'm presented with new stuff all the time.
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  So it hasn't been just. Yep.
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  OK. I know these are all my
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  resentments. I have worked through all the
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  resentments I had in my drinking.
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  I've worked through those, but you know, there's some stuff,
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  there's some trauma that can rear its ugly head from time to
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  time, but I'm aware of that. And so if I am, if I am
• 13:01
  triggered by something and you know, that's just life, it's OK,
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  I can be gentle with myself and move away and, and take care of
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  that and just say, OK, well, you know, that's a bit
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  uncomfortable. I'll just deal with that as I
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  can. So, so much I've had to learn.
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  And yeah, my, my, my husband and I there, there was an agreement
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  there that he was actually the best person to bring my son up
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  and I saw him on a very regular basis.
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  So we basically did, we shared, we shared our, our time with our
• 13:40
  son. And but I was just sober mum and
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  I put my sobriety first, my recovery 1st and as a result I
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  am now nearly 60, at 34 years sober, having not drank since
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  I've came into IA and #1 priority has always been my
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  recovery without a shadow of a doubt.
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  Because if I don't look after myself and I don't take care of
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  my well-being and what's going on inside of me, I am no good to
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  anybody. And my son has blossomed and
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  grown and he's still in Sydney. He's married, he's not an
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  alcoholic, he's married. He's got a beautiful wife.
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  I've got 2 beautiful granddaughters and I see them on
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  a regular basis when the borders are open.
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  And and so yeah, like I have been given a second chance now I
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  have been given an ultra second chance.
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  I did meet someone in the fellowship and I married him and
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  I had a beautiful daughter. Now she's 27 now and I, as the
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  high-powered habit, I was able to bring my daughter up now from
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  birth and because I'm sober and because I'm relatively sane, she
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  has grown into an amazing person herself.
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  And you know, she, she didn't leave home till she was about
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  25. So, you know, I was able to
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  really bring her up. And so with my two children,
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  it's been an incredible journey and I still see my son on a very
• 15:39
  regular basis. So I just love it.
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  But my daughter, she just loves a A, she loves the fellowship
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  and she's not an alcoholic either, but she's a staunch
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  member of Al Anon and A and and a Alateen sponsor.
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  So when we were going to camp, she was going to Alateen, which
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  is for children of alcoholic. And so now she's the LSE, one of
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  the LSE sponsors for the state of SA, and she gets involved in
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  the camp. Yeah, just incredible.
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  She works the program and it's just beautiful because like we
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  can talk about the steps and our higher power and like she's got
• 16:29
  herself a sponsor just like I've got myself a sponsor.
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  But she's doing her thing. But it's just amazing.
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  So The thing is, you have to put the footwork in.
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  I had to, if going to one meeting a week would not have
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  cut it in those early days. And I had to work the steps.
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  I had to look at my past. I had to look at the what part I
• 16:53
  played in my past. And I still do.
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  When I've done something wrong, I need to face up.
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  I need to say, hey, that was wrong.
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  I need to, I need to take responsibility for me.
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  And that's something I didn't do on my drinking.
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  It was always everybody else's fault.
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  But I have a peace in my life now that I thought only some
• 17:19
  other people's death and I have got it.
• 17:23
  Like most days I'm OK, most days I feel good, you know, like my
• 17:32
  work sometimes gets a bit stressful and that's when I have
• 17:37
  to take time out and, and take time out and just breathe and do
• 17:42
  take time out to meditate and look after myself.
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  Make sure I, you know, drink plenty of water, eat, eat
• 17:50
  relatively well. I do lots of exercise.
• 17:53
  I go to the gym fairly often and I learned how to ride a bike
• 17:57
  this year. That would have to get a mention
• 18:00
  because I just love it. And look, I've still got a bit
• 18:04
  of an obsessive, addictive nature and I'm not going to
• 18:08
  apologise for that because as long as it's channelled into the
• 18:12
  right areas, it doesn't matter. And so, you know, I've learnt
• 18:16
  how to ride a mountain bike on the mountain.
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  I'm also learning how to ride some of the trails around
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  Adelaide. And, and I have fallen off a few
• 18:26
  times and got bruised up and banged up and, and that's all
• 18:30
  right, you know, that's just glasses.
• 18:31
  That's what I want to do. But I have got choices now and I
• 18:35
  don't live in my head anymore because I know that my head
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  isn't good for me. 90% of the stuff in my head is rubbish and
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  it's best not to listen to it because it's going to tell me
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  all sorts of negative stuff. So, and I find the antidote for
• 18:53
  that nine times out of 10 or even 99.9% is gratitude.
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  So I have a gratitude list. And even if my head's going like
• 19:04
  if I'm off on on my way to work and, and I'm feeling a bit
• 19:07
  negative and I'm, I'm having a hate session on it on somebody
• 19:11
  in my head, not not verbally in my head.
• 19:14
  It's always in my head. I will start up a gratitude list
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  in I will talk aloud. I will say I'm grateful for a
• 19:24
  beautiful house. I'm grateful for the wonderful
• 19:27
  job I've got. I'm grateful for my friends.
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  I'm grateful for my beautiful children.
• 19:31
  I'm grateful for my beautiful grandchildren.
• 19:36
  Since my my daughter's, my daughter's dad died.
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  He died many years ago and I've since remarried to a member that
• 19:48
  he's not a member of the fellowship.
• 19:50
  And he just, it's just incredible.
• 19:55
  And the relationship I've got with him is stuff that I used
• 20:00
  to. It was like relationship goals
• 20:04
  and like, incredible. Like I've thought like, we'll
• 20:07
  watch TV and we'll hold hands. Who would have thought?
• 20:12
  You know, I, I wasn't able to do that.
• 20:14
  I'd be too scared that he was going to run off with another
• 20:16
  girl. You know, like I, I don't have
• 20:18
  that stuff anymore. I also don't associate with
• 20:22
  people that would do that sort of stuff anyway.
• 20:25
  So I'm, I'm quite discerning about people in my life these
• 20:32
  days. It doesn't stop me from helping
• 20:34
  other Alcoholics because I will, you know, if I if I master
• 20:38
  share, I will if someone asks me to sponsor them, unless I've got
• 20:42
  too many sponsors, I will say yes within reason because I lead
• 20:49
  a think incredibly busy but full life.
• 20:52
  So I have to make sure that I can be a good sponsor to people
• 20:57
  if I don't run myself dry as well.
• 21:00
  So they're all things that I've had to look at at as well.
• 21:05
  I regularly pray in the morning every day.
• 21:08
  Every day I pray and I read something either from the
• 21:11
  Bigfork or the Daily Reflection. And what I try and do is when
• 21:20
  I'm reading that I actually ask myself, OK, what did I just
• 21:24
  read? Because in my busy life, if I
• 21:28
  read it and I don't think about it, I have no idea what I've
• 21:33
  read. So sometimes I can just gloss
• 21:35
  over. So it's really important for me
• 21:38
  to focus and concentrate on what I'm actually reading and, and
• 21:43
  listen listening. I haven't been able to do much
• 21:47
  of that because now I'm a little bit self-centered.
• 21:53
  So, you know, being able to listen to people and actually
• 21:56
  stop my mouth, stop and actually actively listen to the person
• 22:03
  that's talking to me rather than thinking what am I gonna say
• 22:09
  next? So I've got something a lot more
• 22:10
  important to say. So just hurry up and say what
• 22:13
  you got to say because I've got to say stuff.
• 22:16
  So just practicing that too. That's been, that's been a
• 22:19
  tricky 1, but I'm getting there. I'll probably get there by the
• 22:23
  time I'm about 100 years old. But it's OK.
• 22:26
  It's not about the distance, it's not about the end, it's
• 22:30
  about the journey. So I can highly recommend if
• 22:34
  anyone is thinking about it, get to a meeting and get to a lot
• 22:38
  the meeting because we need a brainwashing and I needed
• 22:43
  brainwashing. I needed my brainwash.
• 22:46
  And the only way I could do that was to regularly go to meetings
• 22:51
  and mix with members. OK, and that's me done.
• 22:55
  Thank you very much. We have local meetings for the
• 22:59
  full week in the local area. Monday's gala meeting at 8:00.
• 23:04
  Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Wednesday is Elizabeth E at
• 23:10
  8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at 8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at
• 23:16
  8:00. There's a meeting at Devon Park
• 23:19
  at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a maintenance Salisbury at 7:00
• 23:23
  and many of the meetings in the area.
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  For details of your local meetings, please phone 1300
• 23:31
  double 22222 and once again, if anyone you know is struggling
• 23:36
  with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on 13 under
• 23:41
  222222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.