Latest / Tea Time w/Amie & Bev / Episode #207: How to Deal With Head Stress

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Episode #207: How to Deal With Head Stress · Tea Time w/Amie & Bev

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Hey everyone, it is Wednesday, April seventeenth, and this is in lieu
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of tea time with Amy and Bev. Beverly is not feeling well, so
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we want to send her lots of loving energy. So we can just take
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a moment after this video or maybe now and just maybe send her some good
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energy, say a prayer for her for her well being, to send her
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some love, whatever you feel guided to do. She is on the mend,
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she's doing better, and we just want to love her through this and
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embrace her energy and send her some good jud jew Okay, So with that,
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I was asked not too long ago to talk about heads So how do
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you deal with head stress? And what I would I guess my question is
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because that was all that was, That was all the information that was given
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to me, was my question would be what exactly is your head stress?
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So I'll give a few examples of what I have and what I could relate
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it to and give you some insights. So and just know this isn't the
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be all, do all. It's it's what I am aware of. It's
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what I can offer up in this moment and take the information that will help
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you implement it and move forward and hopefully things will get better. So head
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stress. First, what comes to me is is that your negative self talk.
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Are you telling yourself you're worthless, You're not good enough, you're too
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tall, too fat, too short, too ugly, too thin, too
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not smart enough, too smart, unlovable? Like, what is the self
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talk that you have because that would definitely create stress, just saying so whatever
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say calling it head to stress, whereas I gonna say, it's stress the
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stress of those thoughts. And what I would look at is what are the
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beliefs wrapped around those thoughts? What beliefs do you have? And I will
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tell you for an example, my upbringing as a child was mental and emotional
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abuse, So you can imagine the beliefs that I created as a little girl
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and then grew up with that with the not good enough story. The not
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good enough story quates to I'm not loved, I'm not accepted. And so
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if the father figures in my life, which were stepdads not my biological dads
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stepdad were mentally and emotionally abusive, that means I had to learn how to
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appease them, so people pleasing and fixing so that I wouldn't get in trouble
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or yelled at or sent to my room or isolated or got a swat on
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the butt or whatever it was. And so then in my later years teenage,
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well from little girl on up, so whatever that was, whatever the
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age that was, So in my growing up and into my adulthood, always
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seeking the seeking the love of a male, and that would create the stories.
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So let's like when you start dating. Some kids start dating in elementary
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school right a week or two weeks, like eternity, and then when you
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get into junior high or middle school that you know a month. Who that's
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a lot. And then when you get into high school, if you make
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it like three months or six months, that's wild. So but every time
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the relationship ended, it was what's wrong with me, what's wrong with me?
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What's wrong with me? I'm not good enough, I'll never be good
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enough. I don't know why they don't like me, and just creating all
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those stories in my head about myself that there was something wrong with me,
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when really they were dealing with their own stuff at chat in their childhood,
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in their teenage years, their own stuff going on, and I had no
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idea what that was, but it always I always blamed myself. So that
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negative self talk can be very, very detrimental to yourself, to your spirit,
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to your soul, to your body. It's just flat depression, sadness.
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So be aware of your negative self talk. How do you change that?
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Well, tell yourself something different. The facts were, he broke up
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with me, end of story. That was it. It was nothing more
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than that. Until I brought more of me into the story, more of
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my beliefs, more of my struggles about myself, about my relationships with men
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or males, my wanting to be good enough. It was. It was
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the fact was they broke got nothing more than that. And again I didn't
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know their story and what they were dealing with and what they were trying to
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do and what they were trying to get out of the relationship. And maybe
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they had mommy issues and I wasn't fulfilling that avoid for them, But I
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didn't know that at the time, right, that would definitely not be in
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my wheelhouse. Negative self talk, Change what you're telling yourself. You've been
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through incredible things in this life. Situation, circumstances, unhealthy relationships, all
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the things that you've been through through have dealt with in your life you could
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start telling yourself how dynamic you are, how persistent you are, how diligent
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you are, how strong you are, how brave you are, how courageous
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you are. Right, if you start telling yourself and not looking in the
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mirror, you say you are, but look in the mirror and say,
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I am. I am brave, I am courageous, I am strong,
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I am diligent, I am persistent, I am consistent. I am showing
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up for myself. I have made it this far. I know I can
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get through any just about anything that life hands me. I know I could
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probably get through it. It might be a little bumpy, might get some
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bumps and bruises along the ways. It's okay, After what I've already experienced,
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I imagine I could probably get through almost anything. And so to tell
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myself that feels way better than the opposite. Okay, So really, just
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start talking to yourself differently. So think about that little girl inside who developed
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those beliefs that I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough. They
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don't love me. He don't love me, she don't love me. I
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can never get it right. I'm always getting things wrong right. What would
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you tell a child if they were actually standing in front of you saying these
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things. What would you tell that child? You wouldn't stand there and go,
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yeah, you're right, You're a dumb ass. I can't believe you
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got that wrong. You should have known better. You are not going to
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tell that little child standing there in front of you those types of words.
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You would say, what, No, you are smart, you can do
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anything. You have the ability to get through this, and I'm here to
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support you and write you would talk to it in such a loving and kind
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and compassionate way. Do that for yourself. Look in the mirror, talk
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to your little girl or little boy inside and talk to them in such a
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way as if that little person was standing outside of you, struggling, saying
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negative things about themselves. That's a fantastic way to start. I mean,
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probably a lot of you that are listening may have grandchildren. If your grandchild
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was standing there in front of you saying negative things about themselves, how would
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you talk to them? And if you know how, you would talk to
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them in such a kind, compassionate, loving way, Then look in the
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mirror and talk to yourself that way. That's what you need, That's what
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your spirit means. That's what that little person inside needs. Do that.
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Okay, Negative self talk another piece of head stress. Worry, What are
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you worried about? Worry is a waste of time, flat out, end
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of story, a waste of time. And you cannot in anything that I
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talk about negative self talk, worry, and the other siff you cannot get
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that back. Time is something we cannot get back. You cannot get it
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back in this life. It's time, as past time, as past time,
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as past it's done. So if you're gonna sit worry about something,
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you are wasting time, precious time that you don't have. And I know
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you've heard it that the older you get, the more you're like, who,
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I don't know how much time I have left on this planet? You
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know what? We didn't know that when we were born. We didn't know
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that when we were still in the womb. We don't know how much time
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we're going to be in the physical body. Our spirit might with some kind
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of soul contract and all that. That's a whole other topic, and some
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of you might that just might blow your mind, so I won't go there.
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But the idea is, we do not know how much time we have
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in this body. Or on this planet. And this is time is precious,
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right my time I'm spending to talk to you if you're choosing to listen,
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and I'm not going to get this time back, but I'm choosing to
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be here with you to talk about this. I could be sitting in my
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recliner and my pajamas, kicking up my feet. I could be having a
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conversation with a friend and laughing and enjoying my time. But I'm choosing to
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use my time to be here with you, knowing I can't get this time
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back. But you know what it feels good to me to be here,
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and that's what I want to spend more time doing. Is doing things that
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feel good. And you will have an indicator within yourself to know what feels
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good and what doesn't feel good. Worry does not feel good. Worry is
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a waste of time. I can't say that enough worry is a waste of
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time. Wayne Dyer loved the guy in his teachings. Loved listening to me.
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I had one of those very calm and soothing voices, and he was
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a He was a just an awesome teacher. And I say was because he
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has transitioned just so you know, and I'm sure he's still teaching us from
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spirit. He said, if you have control over something, there is no
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thing to worry about, and if you don't have control over something, there's
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nothing to worry about. So that leaves absolutely nothing nothing to worry about.
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Worry. I've also heard worry is praying for something that you don't want to
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happen. Well, that's again, you are praying for something that you don't
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want to happen. Makes no sentence, does it? And I get it.
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I used to do it. I would every negative thing I can think
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about about my future was in my head. And it's I call it the
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what if avenue. It's fear based. It is what if everything goes wrong?
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What if they do this and then that happens, and then what if
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that happened? And then, oh my god, what if that? And
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we just go through this whole entire scenario of everything that could go wrong.
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And if you've done this, if you've practiced this in your lifetime several times,
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you have probably figured out that ninety nine point nine affinity percent of the
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time anything that you thought about didn't happen. I had a girlfriend who she
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would what if something to debt like it was NonStop. It was NonStop.
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Every scenario she could think of she thought about, and every everything was wrong.
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Everything was wrong, everything about what could go wrong? So how about
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we switch it? How about we switch the worry from what if avenue that's
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fear based to what if avenue that feels good? What if everything goes right?
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What if I have the most incredible medical staff to help me with this
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energetic block and discomfort in my body. What if my finances turn around and
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money comes from so many different avenues and it's such a relief that my bills
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are getting paid I have to think about anymore than money's in the account.
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What if I go on this vacation and I meet people and and and it
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it catapults my business. Or I make some new friends and then I have
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new places to visit because they've invited me to come hang out with them wherever
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they live. And then what if through that I meet the love of my
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life And I would never have met him if I wouldn't have gone on this
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vacation or this trip. What if What if I what if I leave this
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job and the next the door is open for me, and the next job
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is available, and it's so incredible and so refreshing to work with people who
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get along and and enjoy their time together, and work together as a team,
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and are interested and focused on the development of a company, of a
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business that is a beneficial for humanity. What if I get to retire and
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then I get to travel more often, or I spend more time with my
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grandkids, or write what if something that feels good, which feels a lot
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better than the what if avenue of fear of crap. You just gotta tell
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different stories. You gotta to redirect your focus. You have to do that
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like nobody can. This is the deal. Nobody can do this, so
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for you, I nope. I did all the trainings, I did allification
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programs, I did all the things. I read over one hundred books,
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And what it came down to is, if I don't implement it, I'm
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not going to change. If I don't implement it, my life is not
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going to change. If I don't implement it. My relationships don't change if
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I don't implement it, my finances don't change. If I don't implement it,
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my health doesn't change. I had to do the work, and nobody
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can do it for me. Nobody can do it for you. You have
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to be the one that wants it. You have to be the one that's
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committed to yourself. You're the one that has to feel like, I want
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to feel good, I want to feel better. You you, you,
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You. The change starts with you. If you're expecting people outside of yourself,
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your husband, your kids, your your coworkers, your doctors, your
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friends, your relatives. If you are expecting anybody else to change so that
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you can be happy, you are wasting your time. You're wasting your time.
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It's not gonna happen because one person might be changed to changing and you're
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like, oh my god, I'm so glad they changed and who things are
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good? Well, you know what, somebody else is going to replace that
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personality because it's your issue. It's not about them, it's about you.
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So until you change, you change your perspective of life, you change your
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perspective of people, you start telling new stories, you start talking to yourself
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in a better way. Until you do something different, nothing is going to
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change, and you will remain unhappy. And nobody can make those changes except
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you, because those changes come from within, not without, meaning outside of
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yourself. Within from you. Okay, that was worry another head stressed topic
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over being overwhelmed. I know what this is. I know what it feels
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like, and I lived by it for a very very long time. Overwhelm
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will keep you stuck. Overwhelmed will keep you will shut you down. Overwhelm
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will send you into depression. But here's the deal. Overwhelm is created because
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you're not good with your time management. Overwhelm is created because you don't know
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how to set boundaries. Overwhelm is created because you don't know how to say
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no. Overwhelm is created because you want to feel loved and accepted, so
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your people pleas are and fixer, and so you commit to these different things
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for other people, strapping yourself with time and finances and your health and your
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relationships to appease other people. And that will create overwhelmed Because if you do
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not take control over your schedule, if you do not schedule your stuff,
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if you are not good with your time management, somebody else will. Somebody
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else will fill it in for you. Don't worry, you'll get plenty to
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do. You have plenty to do because you're not taking the time to set
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your schedule and sticking to that schedule and allowing people to take advantage of your
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time. So overwhelmed, we'll set in. Here's the other thing. Your
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over commitment is because you do want to feel loved and accepted, because you
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are living from that people pleasing ideology or behavior, because that's what you learned
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when you were a little girl. It's a little girl running the show.
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Still want to be loved and accepted. Somebody asks you to do something,
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you feel obligated, or you feel guilty if you don't do it, and
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all the things, and you keep saying, oh, yes, yes,
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I'll do that, Yes, I'll do that, Yes, yes, of
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course I would do that. Oh yes, yes, oh yes. And
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then once the door shut, conversation's over, you sit there and you're like,
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oh my god, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I
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don't know how am I gonna be able to fit this into my schedule?
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Why did I say yes to them? I really didn't want to do it?
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And you start beating yourself up right now, A negative self talk comes
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in, and then what happens with that worry? I don't know how I'm
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gonna get this done? I don't know I got all these other things,
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all these other commitments I have, and I told them I would do this
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and right, so they all kind of go hand and hand. It's a
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hamster wheel, so overwhelm. A lot of that has to do with time
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management and if you you again, you have to take control of that you
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do. So all of this is fear based. All of it is fear
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based. And to me, there's two paths. There's a path a love
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or path of fear, and those will be indicators in your body of what
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feels good and what doesn't feel good. And if it doesn't feel good,
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you have to make a change. Nobody else can do that for you.
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There are probably other things that I could talk about as far as head stress.
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Oh, here's what I could talk about. Here's what I wanted to
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add as well. Stress is the number one cause of most diseases, only
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ten percent of the let me see, only about ten percent of well,
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I don't want to say that because I don't think I'm getting right. So
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what I will say is, stress is the number one cause of most diseases.
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So you go to the doctor, they do all the tests, they
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run all the things, and then they're like, I don't know we don't
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know what's wrong with you. And then they say it's in your head and
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that makes you mad and you need to go get another opinion. So you
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go seek out another doctor, and you know, you just keep trying to
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figure out what is wrong with me, not taking into consideration what is your
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self talk? Are you overwhelmed? Are you are you in this space of
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worry? Are you in unhealthy relationships? Are you eating unhealthy? How are
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your finances? How is your job? How are the people that you hang
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around with? Are they negative people or do they lift you up? Right?
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There's a whole package to us. There's a whole environment to us.
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There's there's so much that contributes to our way of being within ourselves based on
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how we're perceiving life. If you're preceding life through the lens of negativity,
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overwhelm, worry, fear, then you're stressed, plain and simple. You
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got any of that going on? You're stressing your body out. Now,
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when you stress your body out, that puts your body on fight or flight.
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We're gonna run, We're gonna fight. What are we gonna do?
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Guess where you need to have all the energy then, so the blood flow
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gets restricted from the trunk, which means you're you're like your main organs that
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are super important, just saying. And the blood, the energy goes to
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your arms and legs because it's ready. It's on high alerts. Time to
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do something. We gotta run, we gotta fight, We're gonna do something.
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Is about survival, so your body is ready. Here's the thing.
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You are in this state. It's such a uh so much time of your
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day that it feels normal to you to be in for your body to feel
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tense, your body to to just you get in the headaches, you're getting,
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the tension, tightness, you're getting the discomforts and your muscles and your
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joints, and you're just you're just a ball of mess because subconsciously you're stressing
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your body out and your body is ready to fight or flight. And until
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you learn to take deep breaths, relax the body, let the blood flow,
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you are going to be in that hyper alert survival mode. And the
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things that start to the discord, the disease, the stuck energy, that
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the aches and pains come to the surface because your body's tired of your shit
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and needs to get your attention somehow, And and then what do you What
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do we do? Because I did it too, we go and put a
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band aid on it, meaning we go take the prescription, We take a
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little the counter. We do everything outside of ourselves that we give the power
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to instead of sitting and going within and learning to breathe deep, to learning
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to calm ourselves, to learn to be with ourselves, to learn to love
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ourselves, to learn to feel the peace within ourselves, we don't do that.
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And I'm prime example with my life because the abandonment from biological fathers,
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abusive stepfather, abusive stepfather, abusive stepfather, constantly not good enough, being
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molested, thinking about suicide from fourteen to about thirty five, consistently every single
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day and every single way I could do it. So that was twenty one
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years constant, consistent, It was very consistent about it, every single day
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thought about it. People would be better off with that. I mean I'd
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be better off if I wasn't around all the stories. Then alcohol had a
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baby like it was constant stress. Stress. Stress is all that was going
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on within my body, my mind in any given time that I had time
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to think about it. Every day I had a headache every single day I
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had a headache, and every single day I was taking over the counter pain
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relief so that I could continue on with my day. Every single day I
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was taking this, I carried a bottle in my purse. When I learned
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that negative or when I learned that headaches were about overthinking negative self talk,
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how I was perceiving life right through my eyes, through my lenses. How
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I was perceiving life, which was horrible, obviously, especially if I was
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thinking about suicide every freaking day. Horrible. All that internal stuff that was
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going on in my head created a headache, and then it would come down
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in my neck and my shoulders, and then my back what it was hurt
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would hurt on a regular because uh well, I will just add this that
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the back is the representation of your support. So I didn't feel supported by
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no means. The headaches, neck and shoulder tension. I had the weight
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of my of the world on my shoulders, so that was always stressed.
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So stress can do such damage to our bodies. And yeah, the over
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the counterpane relief worked until the next day, and until the next day,
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and until the next day. It was constant. It's like gonna take this
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today, where's my bottle right, well, when I started learning to shift
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from having negative self talk to talking to myself in a nice way, talking
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to my little girl inside who needed that love and compassion that she didn't get
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when she was little, and started thinking about all the incredible things that could
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happen instead of all the how everything could go wrong, and getting better at
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saying no, being better with my time and my schedule, my calendar,
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my time management. When I started taking a responsibility for all that and shifting
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it and changing it and having more relaxation in my body. Very seldom do
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I take an over the counter pill for a headache. I don't even carry
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the bottle anymore, and I haven't carried the bottle in my purse for years,
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for years and now, when I feel things coming on, if I
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feel a headache, if I feel attention tightness in my neck and shoulders,
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I'm on it. What am I thinking about? How am I perceiving my
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life? If my back starts hurting? How am I feeling unsupported? Right?
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And I do that internal resort internal I want to say healing, but
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it is like healing that within myself. Am I actually supported? Yes?
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I am? Am? I? Am I still good enough? Yes I
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am. Did I fail? No, because I learned from it. Still
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growth, I'm okay with that. Why do I feel like I have the
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weight over the world on my shoulders? Well, because I'm feeling a strain
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of time or a strain of my commitments, or I feel like I'm not
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going to meet this deadline. Okay, how can we switch that? Take
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a breath. I have this saying that I use that I have all the
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time, space and energy that I need to complete the task and need my
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attention today. When I lean into that, it's like magic. Everything just
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starts clearing. I've had clients cancel and I'm like, actually, be thankful,
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Oh my gosh, so thankful that they needed to reschedule because it get
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created space for me to take care of this thing that I've kind of been
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stressed out about. Right, But when I relax and breathe and I tell
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myself a new story, I believe in the fact that things are going to
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work out and I have all the time and space and energy I need to
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complete those tasks. Is like magic. And the thing is I believe it.
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And that's the best part. I believe it and it works. So
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keeping in mind that you have two options. Relax and embrace life and enjoy
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it suffer. And we don't have to suffer. We've been taught to suffer.
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We do not need to suffer. That was a learned behavior. It
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is handed down generations, generations, hundreds of years about suffering. And we
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don't have suffer. Nobody can make you feel guilty. You make you feel
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self, feel guilty when you say no. Nobody can make you feel guilty.
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And our spirit is here to embrace life, to enjoy life, to
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have fun, to play, to be creative, and you get to choose
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that. Or you can feel stuck. You can put yourself into sadness or
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depression. You can hate life. But here's what I realized. Because I
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was full of anger. I had high level of anger, and then added
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resentment and guilt and shame and all the things, all heavy emotions. And
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when you are feeling hopeless, that's like great. When people are thinking about
32:22
or do commit suicide, it's tough to come out of that. It's tough
32:28
to come out of that. But I had to sit with myself and I
32:31
had to recognize that I could not imagine a lot of people believe this we
32:39
get this one life. When it's over, that's it. We're done.
32:43
If that's your belief, Okay, it's not my belief. I believe we'd
32:46
come back time and time again into different bodies to have different lifetime experiences and
32:52
for spiritual growth and expansion. So I believe in that. However, if
32:57
you are somebody who believes that this is the only life you get, this
33:02
is it nothing more and you're done. Even with the belief I have that
33:09
we come over, we come back lifetime after lifetime, why this was my
33:15
This was my thoughts, like, why would we come in? Why would
33:21
we have this life too? In my case, be angry, full of
33:25
shame, guilt, criticism, judgment, hopelessness, despair, jealousy, mb
33:36
and to hang on to all of that and not know when I was going
33:40
to take my last breath so I could be well. I had those thoughts
33:46
right all the way up till my mid thirty So I say thirty five about
33:50
suicide, and I don't know how much longer might have to be on this
33:54
planet, but I did believe I was going to be here for a very
33:58
long time, So I meant at least another fifty sixty seventy years, So
34:04
that puts me like eighty nineties, one hundreds, and I could not imagine
34:10
living that much longer feeling those heavy emotions anger, shame, guilt, criticism,
34:17
all the things I did not want to live. That was the thing
34:22
I did not want to live the rest of my life. However long that
34:25
is feeling like that, that really upset. I was like this, No,
34:35
no, I'm not living the rest of my life feeling this way.
34:37
And guess what. Guess who had to change it? Me? I had
34:45
to change that. Nobody could do it for me. So you have to
34:50
decide. I chose to live. Obviously, I'm here. I chose to
34:57
live. I am a b of light, shining that light on the path,
35:04
giving people hope, showing them it's possible because it's not very often now
35:12
that I get sad or depressed. It's not very often that that I get
35:20
angry and hang on to it. That is like short lived, Like it's
35:23
a short lived, very short lived. It's not very often that I feel
35:28
discomforts in my body where I need to take something to relieve the discomfort.
35:34
It's like, my life's good and it keeps getting better, and I have
35:39
the expectation that is going to keep getting better and better and better. But
35:45
that's for me to do. Nobody can can do that for me. So
35:49
it's what I want you to hear the most is you have to make the
35:53
changes. You have to do it. You have to do it within yourself.
35:58
You have to change that self talk, be better at your time management,
36:06
change what you're thinking about. As far as the what ifs, it
36:14
has to come from you. So I hope this helps you. I hope
36:17
that you got something out of it. And what I would say is,
36:22
take one thing. If you took notes, if you have all these notes,
36:24
if you have all these things that I said that, you're like,
36:28
oh my god, I gotta do that. I gotta do that, I
36:29
gotta do that. Just reel it in, take a breath, and here's
36:35
what I would ask you to do. Just implement one thing for now.
36:38
Just implement one thing for now. Let that become a regular for you.
36:46
Let it, you know they saye. Let it become a habit where you
36:49
just after a while you just do it automatically and it's easy. Then implement
36:54
something else, okay, and just keep doing that. Be easy with yourself
37:01
through this process. Be easy with yourself through the changes. Be easy with
37:06
yourself in learning new things and practicing new things. Be easy with yourself and
37:12
give yourself some ease and grace and do what you can with the time and
37:16
energy that you have, and then implement the next and then implement the next.
37:23
Right, it's just going to be a constant of learn, implement,
37:30
grow, learn, implement, grow, learn, implement, grow Like it's
37:34
a continuous thing. So I'm not. I got to where I am.
37:38
It took me a while, but here I am, and it just keeps
37:43
getting better and better. And that's my expectation for me for my life,
37:47
and that sure feels a lot better than the way I used to be.
37:52
So again, I hope this helps you, and I'd love to hear in
37:58
the comments you could post something that you got out of this that may be
38:02
something you're going to implement. Maybe some aha moments that you got Just share
38:09
with us in the comments and I'll come back to those as soon as I
38:13
can. But and have the conversations, right, have the conversations about this
38:19
with your friends and family or the people that you resonate who with you,
38:23
who could have these conversations and have or share the video, share the video.
38:34
This This is going to be our tea time with Amy and Bev,
38:37
and it's going to be available. The recording will be available in this community,
38:45
in a couple of other Facebook pages, a couple other groups on YouTube.
38:51
It's available on Sprinker, iHeartRadio, Google Podcasts, podcast addicts. So
38:58
there's several different avenues to access this video and share it with somebody who you
39:05
feel the would benefit from it. Because there's a lot of stress on this
39:08
planet that that would be great to shift, right to help people feel better
39:19
within themselves. So have the conversations, share the video, share the content,
39:23
and just start changing something for you so you can move onto that journey
39:30
of feeling better. All right, my friends, with that again, send
39:37
send Bev some Hopefully by the time you see this, she's doing a lot
39:42
better by the time you see the recording, so send her some good vibes.
39:46
But you know what, even so, if you're watching this, it's
39:50
always great to send some good vibes or good some prayers or love to the
39:55
people or all the time, all the time, so you're watching this video.
40:00
Whenever you're watching this video, you send it to Bed. You send
40:04
it to me, Send it, your friend's family, whatever, just a
40:07
reminder to keep sending out some love to all those you care about and even
40:13
those that you struggle with because they need it to. Okay, my friends,
40:16
thank you so much for hanging out with me because I know you're gonna
40:20
spend your time doing anything else and you chose to listen to this. So
40:24
thank you so much. We appreciate you, and we'll see you next time.
40:29
Take care,