Latest / 4-Freedom Podcast / 86. Freedom In Parenting Part 1

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86. Freedom In Parenting Part 1 · 4-Freedom Podcast

0:04
Welcome to the for Freedom podcast.
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This podcast exist to bring the freedom of the gospel for
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everyday Christians with everyday issue.
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You now, here are your hosts, John hollifield and James safer.
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Welcome back to the for Freedom podcast.
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This is your host James Seifert and John Hawley Fields back with
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us. John.
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I will say that last week it was very different, very unique just
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me talking into a microphone, no one else, not an interview, not
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a co-host, no one there to bounce ideas off of, I know you
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had some questions for me about Israel, that you were going to
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sort of tag along as we talk through it and that never even
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happened. I just sort of talk through all
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of our events that we did and it was Great trip.
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And me and Brett Martin are locked in confirmed.
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Going back to Israel in March of next year.
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So one year from now we're getting our trip planned,
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getting it promoted letting people know about how they can
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go and so you'll be seeing some of that as well.
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John we're trying to talk him into going with us.
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We hope he can go probably not. He's busy time senior pastor
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lead Pastor, he doesn't have time for the hyperbola little
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guys that are around here boy and so we pull up Boy.
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But John how you been the last couple days, man?
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Good, just staying busy, our family went through the stomach
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bug so that's never fun. That's like misery on Earth and
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so that that that that's done. But yeah, I hate missing that
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but I listened to it was good now.
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You know what it was like for me for the first several episodes.
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When I started this thing before you you got on air first 20
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episodes but it It was it was it was it was very, very cool, very
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good. So you are you're going back and
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next march. Yeah me and bread oven talk back
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and forth about it and we locked in met with, with the lady that
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is putting up the trip. And so we are.
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We're ready to go, man. He's promoting his church.
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I think he's having informational meeting the 19th
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at his church, and I'm going to be promoting it on my end at my
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church and any friends and family want to go.
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It's not just for our church. They had some other friends
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outside of the church ago with as well.
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So looking forward to it, looking forward to a great time
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spending time with Brett, me and him, we're going to be the
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leaders of it. So we're going to be doing the
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teach Gene in the the different sites.
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That's going to be an amazing time and I can't wait to go back
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to experience that again. And we're going different.
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We're not doing all this same sites.
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We're adding a couple of new sites every day so some places I
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didn't get to go. So we a great great time.
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Well, that's awesome. That's awesome.
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Well, we'll see. We'll see.
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We'll see what happens next year.
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I don't know. I just wanted to cut back out.
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Traveled a lot went to a lot of places last year and I wanted to
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cut back on that so just trying to trying to stay home and and
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I'm more of a homebody anyway. So I like that.
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Well, we are in Before we get started with just finished our
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marriage series. Okay?
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We're jumping our next stuff. So what what was your big
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Takeaway on marriage? Going through that process,
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talking with Jim Tom and I don't put me on the spot here, but it
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just came to mind how, you know, what was your thoughts?
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Did you get have you gotten any feedback?
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I love me and my wife were going on marriage Retreat here.
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This next week we're going to be teaching through some stuff that
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we'd studied in marriage and so we're trying to implement some
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things that our marriage trying to strengthen our marriage.
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Even at this point been married, Mark May will be 12 years.
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So what is what's your thought leaving marriage going?
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Into this next topic of study here for the next couple of
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weeks. What's your thoughts?
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Well, we also went to a marriage Retreat, and okay, talking about
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that and then and then doing that.
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So Mary and I are going, we want one night a week, we go through.
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She's got a book about wives. I got a book about husband's, we
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go through it together, it chapter by chapter and discuss
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what we learned and And this is discuss what we learned.
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Sorry, I was checking my microphone, I don't know, just
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noticed something, send a different, but it seems like
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everything's okay there. But we were just discussing you,
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we discuss some things, but I think that one of the things
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that's been just just the gospel impact in your relationship
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with, with, with your spouse. Are you able to to see the
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gospel implications? In relating to one another.
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You look at the things that if you summed up the gospel and ask
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somebody, what's up some of the gospel and in a word and they
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some, you know, what are some things.
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Some one word aspects that come from the crucifixion of Christ
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on the cross and they were like, humility Mercy.
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Grace sacrifice. I said, okay.
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All right, so, where are you? Instituting that in your
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marriage? Hmm, it's like it would practice
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gospel-centered aspects of your marriage Christ died.
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On the cross, Galatians 2:20, I am crucified with Christ.
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Nevertheless, I live yet, not I, but Christ in me.
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So where are you sacrificing? Where are you practicing?
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Humble submission. Boat.
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And I'm speaking of both, I mean, Philippians 2.
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You know he humbled himself to the point of death, the death of
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the Cross. So we're you humbling yourself.
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What are you? Experiencing are exhibiting
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Mercy or Grace to your spouse and so those things have been
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ever on my mind. So just a gospel-centered aspect
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of marriage. Well, Lo and we're going out.
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The same thing. I think for me, I've just been
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trying to be more vulnerable. Let my wife correct me in a way
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of, you know, hey, what are ways that that, I've, you know, not
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done, right? What are some ways that I can be
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a better husband? What are some ways that you can
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see that I needed to improve on and just trying to be vulnerable
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in that relationship giving her that that ability to, you know,
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not this you haven't before but just making the intentional time
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to ask those questions. No, yeah.
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I know I know what you mean. You're not saying the two.
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Like I now allow my wife to do this but there is a there is an
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aspect in a relationship. Whether somebody's willing to
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listen. Yeah and that's what you mean.
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It's not what you're saying is like okay she should be doing
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this but you know if the person's not willing to hear you
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or they're just going to be argumentative.
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Every time you do you're not going to tell them you're not
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going to do that part. But if you're willing to listen,
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if that person is willing to hear you and take that in then
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it gives the other person. A relationship, the freedom to
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to do Express and approach you and that kind of thing.
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So yeah, that's good. So John were James.
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I've often heard that one of the best things you can do in your
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marriage is as love each other in front of your children.
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In fact, I've heard somebody say that one of the best parenting
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advice is they can give is loving each other in front of
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your children. So as we transition From
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Marriage to Parenting. So we're in March.
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These episodes are going to come out marching around this way.
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You think we've done this for a couple years now if you can just
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say, well if you listen to other episodes you think they just
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started but we want to, we want to use this month in disgust and
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have our discussion be centered around working with children.
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And parenting and and so that's what we're going to.
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We're going to talk about for the next couple of weeks and we
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have an interview lined up top working with with children that
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have been hurt. And so we want to talk about
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this subject of working with children.
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You know, whenever you become a parent, I'm talking about
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Believers here. I think what a Believer becomes
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realizes they're going to become apparent.
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There should be this this sense inside of them that they want to
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do things right. That you know you are now being
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trusted with this life or with many And you want to know what
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you can do to help, raise this child the best way possible.
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And there is no shortage James of books and how to guides and
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formulas out there to tell you how to be the parent and turn
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out great kids. Absolutely.
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And, you know, I think that every parent and every situation
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and Jonna, I wouldn't I would go as far as to say not even as
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parenting, but in marriage when it comes to being a good
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husband, we are if we want to be good at it, we're going to
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study, we're going to try to find, okay?
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A what men have been successful, what?
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Men have been a husband for 60 years and their wives lovable
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and they love each other. They've had these.
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Let's study after them. Let's see what we can emulate
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from them and that's a natural part of our human nature were
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mimetic by Nature. God created us to mimic people
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and you can see this in every area of our life, the way we
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talk the way we act the way we walk and so what happens is we
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begin to get in this mindset when it comes to Parenting,
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okay, what did John do as a parent?
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What did Spurgeon. Whoever what do they do as a
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parent? And so how can we mimic that?
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So that our kids can turn out the same way.
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Yeah, and we get to this, this formula mindset where we want to
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say, okay, if I can do x, y and z, My kids are going to turn out
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as a kids. This is the problem sometimes
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that it comes to Parenting because we're being a husband is
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a little bit different than raising a kid and and training
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up a kid. The way, the Bible says that we
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should do it and and I'm a math guy.
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I love math, math. Make sense in my mind a squared
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plus b squared is going to equal c squared and triangle okay so
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when it comes to parenting, We have this same mind.
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Set of formulas. Okay.
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What can I do? What formulas can I interject
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into my parenting into my marriage?
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That is going to help my kids be the perfect kids to they can
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turn out to be, you know, one of our friends and guests, previous
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guests, Jim dr. Jim new Heiser wrote a little
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book that I think is an absolutely excellent resources.
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Title that parenting is more than a formula and he really At
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the heart of this thing. I mean you've probably if you're
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listening you maybe you've seen books like growing kids God's
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way or other James Dobson's parenting material or or those
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books out there like some really bad ones like Mike and Debbie
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pearls to train up a child and they give these ways that you do
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this, and your kids will turn out right.
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But there's there's a little bit of Um, with that because even
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experience tells us that sometimes you do those things
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and kids don't actually turn out.
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Like they like they say that they should.
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Yeah, a lot of these formulas they made base it on a passage
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of scripture but then there's so much Nuance to it.
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It's like, okay, they've totally left scripture behind now.
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They're just throwing out practical advice and and some of
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that advice might work for one kid, but it doesn't necessarily
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mean it's going to work for another kid.
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Some of Of the advice is just downright terrible.
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It's downright awful, but I think that starting off.
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We have parents have got to exercise discernment when it
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comes to examining a lot of these child training formulas.
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Jim Neuhauser, gives a couple of things here and I'm going to
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he's got another thing on nine points of legalistic parenting,
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parenting that. I want to go through in just a
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second. But he says anecdotal stories,
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do not prove that a formula Works.
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How many times have you heard? Somebody say well we did this
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with our child. You know we whenever we were
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potty training, we used Eminem's, we did me and my wife
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did it, it worked great with our kids.
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Okay? And then I heard people say,
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don't you? He's Eminem's, you're teaching
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them. Some kind of, you know.
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Well you know what? Yeah, witchcraft you can use
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Skittles you can use no candy whatsoever.
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Okay. There is no Bible that says that
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you should or should not use that as a formula to to teach
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your child potty training. You know, some people say you
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shouldn't potty train your child until they're two years old or
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some say that you you better potty trained. them at 2 years
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old if you're waiting to, after two-year-olds, you know, what
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some kids aren't ready at 2:00 And some kids are ready before.
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They're too. Yeah.
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And so we get locked in and I think there's this pressure.
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And if I let me say it this way, if I can be real specific, I
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think there's a lot of pressure on Mom's, I think, Mom's carry
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around this pressure, this guilt that, they must do this
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parenting this way, and if they'd only do it this way, then
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it then it will please God, you know, another aspect of Realm of
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that. I I think James is in the realm
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of Education. How you're supposed to educate
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your kids. You know, if you want to please
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God you will not send them to public school.
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If you please God you won't send them to a Christian School,
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bless God you'll homeschool them, okay.
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Show me a verse in the Bible where it says that you're
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supposed to do Christian schooling overall public
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schooling homeschooling over Christian schooling and public
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schooling. You know, you've just stepped up
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now is their wisdom and some of those areas and and choosing
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what's right? Yeah, but I mean I think we can
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get some of the skills. Some people just don't have
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those types of options for them. I mean James, what did you go?
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Where did you graduate from? I graduate from public school
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with public school. All 12 years of my education
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left from there went to Bible College and Arkansas will to a
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Christian College there and just got my level 1 certification to
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a CBC, a I'll be CD. So yeah, I'm gonna what I'm
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saying is, is you graduated from a public school?
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Did you turn up? Yeah.
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Terrible. Are you a terrible human being?
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In fact, I am wicked beyond all imagination.
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I know, I know, I know What you're saying.
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I mean, but I know we, you know, there were choices that I made
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that were bad, there were choices that I made were good
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but again, that falls on me as making those choices in those
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situations. I graduated from a Christian
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school and I was tempted in ways that you would never been
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tempted in a Christian School versus a public school setting.
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But I can also take you to the guys that graduated from the
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same Christian School that I did around the same time that I did.
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Went completely the opposite direction.
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That's what I can point you to kids that went there.
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We're home school now. Now, look at us in our
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parenting. All right.
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You graduated from public school.
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I graduated from a Christian School.
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You're sending your kids to a Christian School.
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I'm sitting, I'm homeschooling my kids, right?
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And there's nothing in the Bible that says I'm more right than
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you, or your more the right than me, you're probably just more
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insane than me, but that's fine. Well, a lot of it falls, most of
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it, all of it falls on my wife, really, she's really doing the
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job there. But I mean, she's and she does a
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fantastic job, but I think a lot of these legalistic like,
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requirements fall on these things of people saying I must
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do this, I must do this. If I'm going to please God or
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I'm going to do this you know and when it comes down to And I
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think a lot of it is is really an individual's Choice.
16:56
Yeah, absolutely. It is you know and as we think
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through these things we can I want to go back to one thing.
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You said the guilt thing that happens on Mom specifically
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sometimes dad's depending on the relationship there, but this
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guilt can be so overwhelming that we begin to compare
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especially in the world social media.
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We begin to compare every single little Iota that we do as
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parenting and Someone will stay, you know, if you're not canning
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your vegetables, this way, if you're not doing this throughout
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all of a sudden, we begin to get caught up in this comparison
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moment where well, so is, his family was doing this, and it
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can be a huge, huge guilt Factor when it comes to going through
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parenting. One thing that I liked how Jim
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Neuhauser said, is he encourages us to be good bereans when
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listening to him or anyone else who tries to tell you how to
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Parent your kids. We need to go to scripture.
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We need to say, okay, am I doing?
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Am I training up my kids in a way that is pleasing and
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honoring to God from that point? Just as being John just said we
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are going to make her own decisions as John.
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Illustrated people from his class, people from my class went
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crazy. Even in public school, we Moon
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Christian School, even homeschool.
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They went off the deep end off to the left, they followed the
18:17
world, they followed, even though they were raised in good
18:20
solid Christian homes. I'm not saying everyone, but
18:23
some did that some follow the lord and are still fall more
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today and are still in church, and still active in raising
18:29
their kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
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And so we've got to ask ourself. Okay, the advice that I'm giving
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am I saying I am parenting my kids the way that God has asked
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me to parent my kids John go ahead listen to some of these
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quotes by some people that write some of these formulaic
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parenting must follow books. I once said, proper training,
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always works with every child. Very, very dogmatic.
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Statements are one expert. Rights children are like bowls
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of warm, molten chocolate melted chocolate hardens into whatever
19:13
shape it is dispensed into. If I tipped a bowl of melted
19:17
chocolate onto the floor without a mold, I would have a waste
19:21
wasteful purposeless mess. If I pour the chocolate
19:25
purposefully into a god-shaped mold, I will have helped make
19:29
something worth raving about. There is so much wrong with that
19:34
statement right there, so much wrong number one.
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Okay, the fact that your child is this is some kind of BF
19:42
Skinner, Behavior, istic, psychology, mumbo jumbo.
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This is if we just do this and we put them in this mold and
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they'll turn out this way. That is not biblical whatsoever.
19:54
Okay? That is not the case.
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The other thing is like, okay, our children are supposed to be
20:01
Some type of point of shame or pride.
20:05
No, no, no, we are stewards, we are stewards.
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That God has given us this time to use for him.
20:14
They belong to God. One expert claims the training
20:18
base. We have described provides the
20:21
certainty of a thriving Garden of children, the provides the
20:26
certainty. How can you make these types of
20:29
claims the same expert? Also, admits not all
20:33
homeschoolers become success stories.
20:36
A few fail to measure up fully while a small percentage fail
20:39
miserably, not on all homeschool families create themselves.
20:43
Equally, homeschooled children are the product of their Parents
20:47
and the culture they provide will whoa I thought you said
20:51
that it provides a certainty of a thriving Garden of children.
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Those parents weren't holy enough.
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That's why I've drawn and you know what?
21:00
It is screams to me. James is screams to me the same
21:03
type of health, wealth name. It claim it, Prosperity, Gospel
21:06
type of thing. If you have faith, God will heal
21:08
you from that cancer. And if you die from that cancer,
21:11
where who's the, who's the problem with?
21:14
You didn't got what I said. It's the problems with you.
21:17
You didn't do it, right? It's like the people to take up
21:19
the snake handling like I can handle this snake.
21:22
If I give bid, I will be fine, but if I have seen in my life
21:25
then I'll die. Yeah.
21:26
Now you got you die because you got bit by a rattlesnake you
21:30
dumbo. All right.
21:32
Maybe talk a little bit, maybe John.
21:35
You said that one story about health and wealth and those are
21:38
true story here in the county when my good friends was telling
21:41
about it and he said that the lady had gotten In cancer and
21:44
she was watching some TV evangelist and he said if you
21:49
give such amount of money to me than I'll heal all of your your
21:52
problems over over then over TV. And so, they were very poor,
21:56
they have a lot of money and she began to spend all of their
21:58
money to make these don't donations to his ministry and
22:05
she died before she, I think is like a $5000.
22:08
She had to give in order to be healed.
22:10
She didn't give all that 5,000 and she died or husband.
22:14
Hold this guy said, hey, my wife died.
22:17
She gave all his money and he said, well, the reason she died
22:20
is because she didn't give all the money if she would have
22:23
given all 5,000. She would have lived but because
22:26
she didn't, she, this is the type of formulas that they say
22:29
here in these books is you have to do these things or, you know,
22:34
so then he did, the guy didn't have the money for Grace, five,
22:37
a great plot and so it was it was such a horrible situation
22:41
but that is where some of these books and, and They begin to
22:44
make these super dogmatic statements of saying do these
22:47
seven things in your kids, turn out perfect.
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And you, and me both know that we've been around the people who
22:54
have done these seven things in their kids, still turn out bad
22:57
because they make their choices, man.
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So and then sometimes on what kids you got kids rate, being
23:03
raised in some of the awful situations and God, really just
23:07
pulls them out of there and creates a life that is pleasing
23:11
to him. You know, it they're they're
23:14
they're one of the things the things that a lot of these
23:17
formulas are just absolutely forgetting.
23:20
Is the grace of God. Yeah, and really got all
23:25
together. So we want to transition.
23:27
Now to just going over these Jim new iser writes about these nine
23:33
points of legalism when it comes to the of parenting formulas.
23:37
So the first one he explains legalism involves going beyond
23:41
the scriptures. I think we've established that a
23:43
lot in this podcast. So let's go to.
23:44
Number two, very important to distinguish between what
23:48
scripture commands. Versus one of the many possible
23:52
ways to fulfill our responsibilities to God.
23:55
Absolutely. That's that's, it's excellent.
23:59
Yeah, scripture commands us to love our kids and to show them.
24:03
Jesus, as John mentioned earlier, love your wife in front
24:06
of your kids show, Jesus in front of them show.
24:09
What? Grace looks like be a really
24:12
over the last couple of years began.
24:14
This, this process in my mind of Jesus how he discipled his His
24:20
disciples he walked with them, he lived with them, he did
24:25
everything with them. He modeled to them how they
24:28
should live their life, for three and a half years and then
24:31
said, go turn the world upside down and I've really began this
24:34
this process in my mind as a pastor of saying am I modeling
24:38
to my kids how they should live their life for Jesus?
24:43
Am I modeling? What Jesus did in front of them
24:47
and I really believe that the more we model Jesus to our kids,
24:50
the more they see his love in our wives of more.
24:52
They see us loving scripture, loving the word of God, loving
24:56
the prey praying with their kids.
24:58
The more they will begin to have this relationship with Jesus,
25:01
that they're going to love and honor him as well.
25:03
But when we don't model that, they're not going to see that
25:07
they're not going to know what true Christianity is because
25:10
they're, we're not modeling. It's just a small A way of just
25:13
living life with Jesus on purpose in front of them, but
25:16
even modeling that is not a guarantee.
25:18
It's not, it is not even what I'm getting at, is not a
25:22
guarantee and for the 12 decided to betray Jesus and he spent
25:27
three actually exactly Jesus, Jesus Bob and Karen.
25:30
Yeah, so I mean you're not going to have a guarantee but he had a
25:36
11 or 12 there. And so in my mind I'm just gonna
25:41
do everything I can. The point, my kids to Jesus show
25:45
them Jesus and love Jesus in front of them, love their wife
25:47
in front of my wife and for him as well.
25:50
So it's a small model. Well, I'm not saying everybody's
25:52
got that's going to work right for everybody but they my my mom
25:55
life in my where I'm at right now.
25:57
The command versus possible ways.
26:00
That's one of the possible ways in my mind.
26:03
Exactly. You know, giving me so just
26:06
Ephesians 6 says to train it to bring your children in the
26:10
nourishment and added admonition of the Lord.
26:12
Lord, okay, but some may say, well, I'm going to nourish and
26:17
admonish my kids by doing family devotions with them at breakfast
26:21
time, every single day, okay? But does that mean that
26:26
everybody? The only way to nourish it
26:28
Amana? Sure.
26:28
Kids is Devotion to family breakfast time every single day.
26:32
No, no, I mean you can nourish in a monster kids in many
26:37
different ways but the thing is that you need to be nourishing
26:40
and admonishing your kids in the Lord, okay?
26:45
And the thing is, a lot of these things tell us, you must be
26:48
doing this every single day at breakfast time with your kids
26:51
and that kind of thing. Number three, the biblical
26:54
commands concern Child training a quite basic.
26:57
We as parents are then called to work out the specifics on our
27:00
own situation. That's sort of what you were
27:02
just getting at. You know, some may do it this
27:07
way, but you're modeling in front of yours is of your kids
27:10
is one of your ways that you're carrying that out.
27:14
Number four, Some make their particular methodology law while
27:20
failing to acknowledge that others approach or equally valid
27:23
ways to fulfill basic biblical commands.
27:26
Yeah. All right.
27:28
So you know this is what you're going to have family worship
27:30
with your kids, okay? And you say family worship is
27:33
going to be this time. And we are going to read a
27:39
chapter of scripture. We're going to sing three,
27:42
hymns. We're going to take prayer
27:44
requests and we're going to pray, and each kid must write
27:48
down their own application from the scripture reading.
27:51
Man. I mean, there's other ways to do
27:55
family worship, and if that works for your family, by all
27:59
means do it. But yeah, and I would go, as far
28:02
as to say John, this is where, I mean, my wife, had many
28:06
conversations about this, you know, growing up in the
28:10
background, we grew up in a pastor would come in.
28:13
We had Chapel every single day in college and he would come in,
28:16
and he would say, you know, every morning and you got to
28:18
wake up. And first thing you do, when you
28:20
wake up Hit your knees and began to pray and read of five
28:25
chapters of scripture. That's how you're going to be
28:27
right with God. Next day, a guy would come in
28:29
and, and I'm not joking about this, he would preach, you know,
28:31
every day at noon, I would, as soon as I'm eating an open, my
28:34
bible, and I read three trap, three verses of three chapters
28:37
of scripture. The next day I got come in, you
28:39
know, you want to be right with God every night before you go to
28:42
bed, you're going to need four chapters of scripture and my
28:45
wife as you know, the person who's going to follow, what the
28:48
pastor says, would begin to implement all these.
28:51
Things and it's nothing wrong with him in all of them.
28:53
But what it was is they were all saying this is dogmatic ways for
28:57
your life to be perfect in the morning and then at night and
29:02
what it was is it was good for them.
29:04
It was a good method but they begin to preach it as law as
29:07
law. Yeah.
29:08
And this is where legalism comes in and even our parenting where
29:12
legalism comes in and we begin to get out of this trap, under
29:15
the Yoke of bondage that God has set us free from.
29:18
So the number five on Some Believers impose, their extra
29:23
biblical rules and preferences on others.
29:27
All right? You must feed your kids.
29:29
This you must not. Let your kids have this.
29:32
You can't let your kids play with these types of kids, you
29:35
know, and they take these pressures of these are things
29:38
that you've worked out for your own, your family.
29:40
You think is going to be the best way to do it and then you
29:42
try to get other people to follow exactly what you're
29:45
doing. Maybe because you read it in a
29:47
formulate book, but maybe not, but it becomes a A law unto
29:51
itself to other people must follow.
29:54
This is a way that legalism is in parenting.
29:57
Yeah, which leads us, right? The next one, some of the extra
30:00
biblical rules are Traditions. That become more important than
30:04
what scripture actually, teaches.
30:06
Mmm. Yeah.
30:09
That yeah. Can't allow your children to
30:12
partake in this, but yet, you're probably neglecting the body of
30:15
Christ in doing so, Right, right, we're not teaching your
30:20
children Grace with other people, or even showing Grace to
30:24
other people because they can't do this this or, you know, be
30:29
around this person. Number 7, some people actually
30:32
claim divine revelation for their child training methods.
30:36
And I've said this before, and I'll say it again.
30:37
Anytime somebody says, God told me run for the Hills.
30:44
The I don't listen to it. God told me that said that, that
30:49
right there is recipe for cultish behavior.
30:51
That is God never told you anything.
30:55
All right? Well, he's told you is in
30:57
scripture, right? Yeah.
31:01
Number 8. What is not biblically?
31:03
Mandated is a family choice and this out of this junk.
31:08
This practice here, I believe it needs to be preached from the
31:13
hilltops for every single family of every single marriage
31:18
husband-wife, father-son grandparent.
31:22
If it's not mandated in scripture to your family's
31:24
Choice, what works? Well in your family, God has
31:27
given us that freedom to say, okay?
31:28
What is going to work best? John in John we we talked
31:31
through our how we were raised. We came from the same church.
31:35
We grew up together in the same Nursery.
31:37
We have the same teachers we have the same use people.
31:40
Okay. And yet John parents different
31:42
than my parents. That means you Don's better more
31:44
holy than me. No, it works different, his
31:46
family. Maybe sometimes it works
31:49
different in his family and his context because he's got four
31:52
kids and his wife home schools. And I've got three kids and my
31:55
wife is a Christian School teacher and we're he's a senior
31:58
pastor. I mean, you think There's
32:00
different Dynamics in what we do and how we manage our family and
32:05
it's not mandated in scripture and so it's our family's choice
32:08
of how we do it, right? You may think that certain
32:12
program is not good for your children or you don't want your
32:16
children to watch it while other parents may say that program is
32:21
completely fine. We don't we don't mind it.
32:23
You know, where you draw. Those lines is the areas of
32:28
Liberty, they God has given In you to exercise made this.
32:33
Go ahead. You made this, you made us not
32:35
to teach your kids. Some erroneous thought of
32:37
Calvinism and you know if that's your if that's your Forte to
32:41
teach your kids that and that's on your yes, your Folly not
32:44
mine. Wow.
32:49
Wow. And if and then you can teach
32:53
your children to pray for people that just espouse blasphemy in
32:56
the middle new podcast and pray that they'll come to, you know,
33:00
a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ by understanding the you
33:04
know the st. John Calvin.
33:05
Now, I'm sure. Okay, I just choked last one.
33:09
Number nine, extra-biblical formulas often fail to take into
33:15
account. It differences between kids and
33:18
between family. And I think that's one of the
33:21
things really gets to sort of the heart of all of this.
33:24
And that's the thing, James, your kids, or even, even your
33:28
son is different than my children.
33:31
He has a different heart, different personality, different
33:35
bent. But even in that, your son has a
33:38
different personality than your daughter and they're going to
33:42
have different personalities, in Hudson and I think that's one of
33:45
the cool things that I've found. In parenting, is that?
33:47
My oldest is different than my middle child.
33:50
And my middle child is different than my younger child and to sit
33:53
there and say, even within our own family to say, this is the
33:57
formula were doing and it's going to work for every single
34:00
one know. There's certain things that I
34:03
parent this child a little bit different than I'm parent this
34:07
child, because this worked with them, this connects with them,
34:11
this speaks to them. This right here, doesn't does it
34:14
really get to the heart of the matter?
34:16
Or with this child over here, because they're different.
34:19
They're different. It's exactly right.
34:22
So we're going to we're going to summarize and conclude this
34:25
portion and we're going to finish this up in another
34:28
episode. So just couple summarizing
34:31
statements for this parents, biblically are responsible to
34:36
raise their children. Properly fathers or parents, do
34:39
not provoke your children anger, but bring them up in the
34:42
discipline and instruction of the Lord.
34:45
That's what we're given. That is our Command at
34:48
commandment. That's our mandate from
34:50
scripture. A lot of things can fall into
34:52
their next children are responsible for the choices they
34:57
make. I think James hit that a little
34:59
earlier that in summary. Children are responsible for the
35:03
choices they make guys. It's real easy for us to fall
35:07
into a guilt and end of especially parents of adult
35:11
children. What did I do wrong?
35:13
I've really messed up. Parent children are responsible.
35:18
Just like, we are responsible for our choices are responsible
35:22
for the choices that they make. Yeah, God's government Grace is
35:27
needed to save our kids. We must have God's grace.
35:35
Yep, that's right. And John two more statements I'm
35:37
going to give John does the bible offer a Surefire formula
35:41
for success in parenting? No unequivocally, no, no.
35:48
And I think everybody is like, that's almost a shocking
35:50
statement to some people because they think that it does.
35:54
And where did that a lot of that comes from what?
35:58
Proverbs, trying up a child in the way to go.
36:00
And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
36:02
There's a lot of misunderstanding with that
36:03
verse. And a lot of it has to do with
36:06
some of the English translation of that verse.
36:09
Maybe we can, hey, maybe next week, we'll start off.
36:13
We'll start off with a quick explanation of Proverbs 22:6 so
36:17
you understand that? That's not a guarantee promise
36:19
that your kid is going to turn out the way it should.
36:23
Yeah, that just had a conversation two weeks ago with
36:25
lady in our church whose son just got sent to jail for the
36:29
third time for drug abuse. And she told me, she said,
36:33
Pastor James she said I've I've trained my child up in the way
36:36
he should go. I'm just don't understand why
36:38
he's he's made these choices. Then I said, dear lady saint.
36:43
I said it is a recommendation is not a guarantee.
36:47
Well, it's over the morning. Morning recommend is probably
36:52
the wrong word. But yeah.
36:53
Morning into that next. Yeah.
36:55
Okay. All right.
36:56
And then there is no guarantee of success.
36:59
We are dependent upon God's grace in every way shape and
37:03
form of our life. Absolutely absolutely men.
37:09
Where's thanks guys and see you next next next week also we're
37:12
going to give you some some some resources for this.
37:16
Well we're going to link this book.
37:18
This little mini book about Jim Neuhauser, parenting is more
37:22
than a formula in the show notes and next week we're out.
37:26
Talk on this and give you some other decent resources for this
37:30
men. Till next time to God, be the
37:32
glory. Tears fell down my face.
37:41
When I find my beginning. Thanks for listening to the for
38:05
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