Latest / Reformed Thinking / What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate, for Marriage Mirrors God's Covenant with Us | John Piper

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What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate, for Marriage Mirrors God's Covenant with Us | John Piper · Reformed Thinking

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You are listening to reformed thinking.
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Welcome to the Deep Dive. We're here today for a focused
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look at a topic that, well, it really touches everyone in some
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way, marriage. We're going to dig into some
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really insightful source material that challenges common
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attitudes and sheds light on what marriage is actually meant
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to be. That's right.
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Our mission today is to uncover the foundational essence of
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marriage. It's divine blueprint, you could
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say, and what it reflects about something while much bigger.
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Get ready for perspectives that might just give you a fresh view
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on this ancient institution. Indeed, and we'll be drawing
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from specific excerpts that speak to the biblical
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understanding of marriage. Our aim is to really distill the
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core knowledge and insights from these texts, helping you grasp
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not just what is stated, but why it carries such weight.
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What stands out in these sources is a conviction about marriage
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that maybe many don't fully consider.
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Today we'll look at its creation, its purpose, and the
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pretty challenging teachings around it.
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Today we're diving into material from a source titled All That
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Jesus Commanded by John Piper. Specifically the section What
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God Has Joined Together, Let No Man Separate for Marriage
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Mirrors God's Covenant with Us. Plus some additional notes for
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clarity. We'll be trying to grasp
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marriage through a particular lens, one that sees it as God's
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own creational, a picture of God's covenant with his people,
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and ultimately a display of his glory.
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So let's unpack this. Let's do it.
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OK, let's begin at the very start.
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Our sources place the foundation of marriage not in, you know,
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human convention or social ideas, but squarely in God's
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creative act. How do these texts present
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marriage as fundamentally God's doing his own work?
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Well, what's really compelling here is how Jesus when he's
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asked about marriage, she points straight back to creation.
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He quotes Genesis 2.24 stating that the Creator made the male
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and female and then said therefore a man shall leave his
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father and his mother and hold fast to his wallet, and they
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shall become one flesh. Right back to the beginning.
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Exactly. And this significant, the
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sources highlight that this isn't just Moses writing down
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history or law. Jesus makes it very clear that
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God himself spoke these words. That direct attribution to God
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really underscores his direct authorship, his involvement in
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marriage right from the start. It means marriage isn't just a
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human agreement that, you know, societies cook up over time.
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Or something that just evolves culturally.
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Precisely. It's presented as a divine
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establishment designed and set in place by God at the dawn of
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human history. So we talk about marriage.
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We're talking about something God started and continues to
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oversee. That one flesh idea always
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stands out to me. It sounds like so much more than
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just two people deciding to live together, doesn't it?
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What does our material tell us about this?
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This unique reality God creates? It feels like it's hinting at
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something beyond just a legal thing.
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That's right. And this concept, one flesh, it
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describes a new reality that, well, it goes beyond ordinary
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human understanding. It speaks of a spiritual and
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physical unity that isn't solely based on human choice or just an
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agreement. The source is really stressed
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that these two become one flesh by God's work, not just by their
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choice. Think about what that suggests
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when man and woman marry. It's not just a declaration they
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make to each other or, you know, to the community.
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Something else happens. Yes, something divine occurs.
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God actively participates in creating this singular reality.
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It's a union initiated and established by God Himself,
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leading to a deep, inseparable bond that goes way beyond just
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companionship or mutual consent. So it's like they become a
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single entity in God's eyes. In a way, yes.
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This unity is a creation of God's own hands, establishing a
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state that humans are told not to dissolve because he did it.
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It's a spiritual joining first, which makes the fiscal union a
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natural expression. And it's a spiritual unity
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initiated by God that holds the physical bond together, making
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it a sacred relationship. So OK, if God created the first
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marriage in Eden, does that mean God is personally involved in
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like every marriage that happens now?
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How does the material support that idea?
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It seems like a big claim. It is a big claim, but yes,
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that's precisely the point Jesus makes.
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He's clear that marriage is God's creation, and he doesn't
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limit this creative act just to Adam and Eve.
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He speaks to the marriages of his day, and by extension to
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every marriage, when he states What Therefore God is joined
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together, let not man separate. What God has joined Present
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tense, almost. Right.
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It indicates that God is the decisive creator of each
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specific marriage union. It isn't just a general concept
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for humanity to follow. The phrase let not man separate
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speaks directly to the particular marriage a person is
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in. It means God has actively joined
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that specific husband and wife. Yeah, and this perspective lifts
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marriage way beyond what most people think of it as.
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It's presented not just as a human agreement or a social
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contract or legal status. Instead, it's a great work of
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God, a sacred covenant established and held together by
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his own will and action. So every marriage really has
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God's fingerprints on it in a sense.
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That's what the source suggests, and for a couple, understanding
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they could reshape their whole view of their relationship.
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It's not just us too, but us too, joined by God.
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It places a divine significance on the vows.
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This leads us into a really grand idea in these sources that
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marriage isn't just for us, you know, for personal happiness or
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having kids, but it's meant to reflect something about God
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himself. How does marriage mirror God's
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covenant with his people? Right.
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And if we connect this to the bigger biblical picture, Jesus,
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knowing the Jewish scriptures inside out, understood that God
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himself portrayed his relationship with his chosen
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people, Israel, as a marriage. Not just a metaphor, then.
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It seems to be presented as more than just a simple metaphor to
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illustrate a point. It's treated as a foundational
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understanding woven throughout the ancient texts that shape
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their worldview, and ours too, if we take this seriously.
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Think about these examples from the Old Testament would really
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set the stage for how marriage is understood here.
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Isaiah 54.5 says your maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts,
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His name. That's pretty direct.
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Yeah, very direct. Then in Hosea chapter 2, God
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explicitly says you will call me my husband and I will betroth
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you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in
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righteousness and injustice, in steadfast love and in mercy.
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I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.
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It describes this permanent initiated by God bond.
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Like a marriage vow from God. Exactly, And Ezekiel 16.8 adds
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more detail, Speaking of God making a vow and entering into a
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covenant with Israel, saying You became mine.
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And then to show how serious this bond is, Jeremiah 3.20
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likens Israel's unfaithfulness to a treacherous wife leaving
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her husband. So these ancient pictures, God
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is the husband, Israel is his wife.
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They form the essential backdrop for understanding marriage's
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purpose in the divine plan. They root human marriage in the
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very character of God. That's a really strong
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connection. So our human marriages are meant
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to be analogies designed to reflect God's own union with his
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chosen people. That definitely raises the
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stakes for how we view marriage. It absolutely does.
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The one flesh union, which is so key to human marriage is
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described in the material as a covenant analogous with God's
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covenant with Israel. Now this doesn't mean it's just
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a loose similarity. It suggests the deep unity, both
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physical and spiritual, in human marriage is designed to reflect
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the spiritual union and the faithful relationship between
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God and His people. So it's meant to show something
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about God. Yes, this divine design is
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intended to display God's invincible and gracious
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faithfulness to his covenant people, His wife.
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The sources repeatedly make this point, saying God never divorced
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his wife and married another and always took her back even after
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separations and, you know, great pain.
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Like the story of Hosea and Gomer you mention?
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Precisely. Hosea's life wasn't just a
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personal tragedy. It was a living parable, a
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visible lesson of God's radical pursuing love for his wayward
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spouse. Israel, God has shown, is never
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truly abandoning his wife, always seeking her restoration,
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even when He had to discipline her for spiritual adultery.
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So our marriages are meant to be a living picture of that kind of
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divine steadfastness. That's the idea.
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They're not just about personal fulfillment, but about bearing
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witness to God's character. They are intended to be visible
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signs of His loyalty. And ultimately, this all ties
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back to God's glory, right? How does marriage become a way
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God is made known and honored? Yes, ultimately the source
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frames marriage as the work of God's creation, the portrayal of
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His covenant love, and the display of His glory.
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Just like God chose Israel to be a people, a name, a praise and a
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glory, quoting Jeremiah 13.11, human marriage is meant to
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glorify God by reflecting His faithfulness.
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How did that work practically? Well, through the very existence
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and hopefully the stable endurance of marriages, God
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fills the earth with mostly unwitting witnesses to the
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relationship between him and his covenant people.
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So when a husband and wife facing difficulties show
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patience, forgiveness, perseverance, they are in a way
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echoing God's own dealings with us.
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When they stay united, seeking reconciliation instead of just
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escaping, they demonstrate A loyalty that points beyond
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themselves. The harmony, the sacrificial
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love, the covenant keeping within a marriage, when lived
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out according to this divine blueprint, serve as a tangible,
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living illustration of God's own character.
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So it points to his steadfastness, his loyal love.
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His restorative grace for His covenant people, Yes.
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Marriage, therefore, isn't just a private arrangement.
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It's intended as a cosmic picture put on display for
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everyone to see, showing a facet of God's character to the world,
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a visible sermon almost without needing words.
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Given this really high view of marriage, it makes Jesus's
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teaching on divorce seem all the more well striking.
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Our sources describe the Pharisees coming to him about
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divorce in Matthew 19. What was their question and how
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did Jesus respond initially, given this understanding of
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marriage's origins? Right.
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The Pharisees came to Jesus with a very direct question, maybe
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even a loaded one it seems. Trying to test him, they asked
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is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause.
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For any 'cause that sounds broad.
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It was, and it wasn't just an academic question.
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It was likely aimed at trapping Jesus in the legal debate
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because there were different interpretations of the Mosaic
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Law and divorce at the time, some more lenient, some
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stricter. They wanted to see which side
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he'd take. OK, but Jesus didn't immediately
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jump into the legal debate or refer to Moses.
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Instead, he bypassed their framing entirely and took them
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straight back to creation. To the very beginning.
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He reasserted God's original design, saying what?
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Therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
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So he changed the terms of the debate.
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He did. His response clearly set a
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different standard than they were expecting.
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Rooting marriage firmly in its original divine design, a
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standard that existed before any concessions were made because of
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human sin, He shifted the conversation from human custom
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and legal points to God's foundational intent.
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But the Pharisees pushed back, didn't they?
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They brought up Moses that they asked.
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Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce
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and to send her away? How did Jesus handle that
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apparent contradiction? God's design versus Moses's
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provision? Yeah, that's a natural question
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they posed directly challenging his appeal to creation.
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They saw attention, maybe even a conflict with the Mosaic Law
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that did permit divorce. Jesus clarified that Moses
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didn't command divorce, rather, he allowed divorce because of
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your hardness of heart. But from the beginning it was
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not so. Ah.
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Aloud, not commanded. That's a key difference.
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It's crucial Jesus highlights this distinction.
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Moses's provision for a certificate of divorce wasn't a
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command from God reflecting his ideal for marriage.
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It was a concession, A practical allowance made because of human
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sinfulness, specifically their hardness of heart.
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What does hardness of heart mean?
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They're just stubbornness. It generally describes a
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stubborn refusal to live by God's higher standard, a
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resistance to divine will. The Mosaic allowance was, in a
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sense, a way to manage marriage in light of the fallen human
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condition, maybe to mitigate some worse outcomes.
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Like a husband just abandoning his wife without anything formal
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wasn't a statement of God's original, unbreakable design.
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So Jesus put Moses rule in context.
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Yes, he basically said it was a response to human failure and
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brokenness, not God's perfect will.
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From the start, he revealed that what they thought of as a
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command was actually God managing sin, showing
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forbearance. So Jesus was essentially saying,
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look, that's how it was handled then because of human failing.
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But now with me and the Kingdom I'm bringing, things are
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different. What did that mean for his
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followers? What was this higher standard he
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was setting? Exactly.
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He implied that he had come to do something about that hardness
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of heart. His presence, the establishment
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of God's Kingdom, meant the standard for his followers would
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be higher than what Moses merely allowed.
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He was reasserting the original design for marriage in this new
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era, a standard made possible, perhaps, by the redemptive work
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he was starting. And what was that standard
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specifically he. Declared in Matthew 19.9.
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Whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and
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marries another, commits adultery.
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Now, it's important to note, as the source material
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acknowledges, there's no consensus on the full
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interpretation of that exception clause, the except for sexual
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immorality part among Christ's followers today.
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Right, that's a point of much discussion.
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It is. Some interpret sexual
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immorality, the Greek word pornea, quite broadly, to
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include various serious sexual sins.
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Others see it more narrowly, maybe referring to something
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like premarital unfaithfulness discovered only after marriage,
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or specifically adultery itself, arguing it breaks the one flesh
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bond in a unique way. And others might say it allows
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separation but not remarriage. That's another view, yes, that
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while the sin might necessitate separation, the marriage bond
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itself isn't dissolved in God's eyes while both spouses live,
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thus precluding remarriage. The author of our source, John
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Piper, holds this latter view, believing Jesus considered the
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marriage covenant breakable only by death and therefore forbade
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remarriage while a spice is living.
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So for Piper, Jesus is calling people back to the original till
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death do us part standard. That's his interpretation
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presented in the source. He sees porneia as something
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that grievously wounds the marriage but doesn't nullify the
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covenant in a way that permits remarriage.
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For Piper, this reassertion means the original design of
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marriage, breakable only by death, is to be rediscovered and
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upheld in the Kingdom Jesus brings.
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It's a very high bar, a difficult teaching, but
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presented as part of the radical call of discipleship.
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This firm stance on divorce really makes us consider its
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actual consequences. Our sources talk a lot about the
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serious reasons why divorce is viewed so gravely, what's
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presented as one of the main theological reasons for its
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seriousness. One of the primary theological
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reasons given is that divorce and remarriage tell a lie about
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God's relationship to his people.
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As we've discussed, marriage is designed, according to this
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view, to portray God's invincible and gracious
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faithfulness to his covenant people.
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The mirror analogy again. Right.
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The idea is that God never divorced his wife and married
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another and always took her back, even after terrible
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unfaithfulness and periods of separation, as seen throughout
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the Old Testament story with Israel.
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This pattern shows God's loyal, persistent love.
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So when a human marriage breaks. When a human marriage breaks,
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especially through divorce and then remarriage while the first
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spouse is alive, it's seen as misrepresenting this core aspect
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of God's character and His faithfulness and covenant.
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It sends a message that contradicts God's own actions in
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nature. Like actors messing up the plays
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message. That's a good way to put it.
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When a marriage intended as this living parable of God's covenant
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dissolves, it distorts the message.
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It's viewed as a direct contradiction to the very
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purpose for which marriage was created, to be a visible witness
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to God's unbreakable covenant love.
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It's seen as tearing the fabric of a divine illustration.
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Beyond the theological side, the sources also describe the the
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practical and emotional devastation divorce often
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brings. Can you paint a picture of that
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impact, the suffering involved? Yes, the sources paint a very
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stark picture of the pain. Divorce is portrayed as deeply
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wrenching, sometimes described as often more emotionally
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wrenching than the death of a spouse.
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More than death, Why? Well, death, though final and
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terribly sad, often brings a sense of closure, and there's
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usually a community outpouring of grief and support.
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Divorce, however, can feel like a deep betrayal, a shattering of
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trust, and a violent uprooting of 1's identity and future.
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It isn't usually a quick event either, the sources mentioned.
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It involves long years in coming and long years in the settlement
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and in the adjustment, leading to immeasurable upheaval of
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life. For individuals, there could be
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this crushing sense of failure, guilt and a fear that can really
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torture the soul. Tears night after night like the
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psalmist described. Intense loneliness too, I
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imagine. Overwhelming loneliness, yes.
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A sudden void where a partner used to be and this pervasive
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sense of a future just devastated.
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Dreams gone, plans ruined, daily life gets hit, hard to work
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performance can suffer because of the mental distress.
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Social interactions become awkward or painful as friends
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might take sides or just not know what to say.
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And the legal side often adds to it.
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Definitely. The misery is often compounded
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by courtroom battles, legal wrangling that can drag on,
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drain finances and deplete emotional reserves, turning
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private sorrow into a kind of public conflict.
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It's a dismantling of a shared life, often piece by painful
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piece. And the impact isn't just on the
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couple, is it? The sources really highlight the
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agonizing place of children and all this.
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Absolutely. The impact on children is
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described as agonizing and it's often the most heartbreaking
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part. Children get caught in the
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middle of their parents broken covenant.
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They often feel torn loyalties, maybe abandonment, sometimes
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even a misplaced guilt thinking they caused it.
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That's tragic. It is parents hope the scars
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won't cripple their children or damage their own future ability
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to form healthy marriages. But the psychological and
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relational wounds can be very deep.
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Tensions over custody finances, these often deep in the wounds,
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turning care into conflict. And visitations can stretch it
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out for years. Yes, the sources mention
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awkward. Sometimes artificial visitation
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setups can lengthen the tragedy over decades, extending the
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effects far into the future, potentially impacting multiple
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generations. A child growing up with that
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fallout might carry it into their own relationships, maybe
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viewing marriage with cynicism or fear, struggling with trust.
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It shows the wide ripple effect. So it's clearly not just
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personal pain, but it ripples out into a broader societal
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issue as well. How do the sources connect the
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individual experience of divorce to the health of the community
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or the church? That's a vital connection the
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sources make. They issue a strong warning that
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compassionate compromises on the sanctity of marriage that weaken
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the solidity, the covenant of marriage look loving in the
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short run but wreak havoc over decades.
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This applies to individuals, the church and society.
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So lowering the standards even with good intentions.
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Even with the best intentions, perhaps to ease immediate pain
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or accommodate hard situations, the long term consequences are
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seen as profoundly harmful. Think of it like a foundation
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pillar in a building. If you chip away at it to make
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things seem easier right now, you might feel helpful
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initially, but overtime the whole structure is compromised.
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Hmm. The sources argue that this firm
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teaching, though it might be tough to hear, is actually
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presented as a form of genuine caring.
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The reasoning is that a sinful decision, even if made under
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duress, is considered just as damaging to a person's soul and
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long term flourishing as the emotional pain they feel.
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So upholding the standard is the loving thing in this view.
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Yes, upholding a higher standard for marriage is seen as an act
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of love, not rigid rule following for its own sake, but
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a protective measure designed to safeguard individuals, families
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and communities from the devastating fallout of broken
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covenants. It aims to promote long term
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well-being and reflect God's own steadfastness.
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It's about building for stability across generations.
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OK, so in light of both the immense pain involved in divorce
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and Jesus's firm commands, the material presents a real
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challenge for Christ followers how to love biblically in these
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situations. How do the sources suggest we
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approach this? It sounds incredibly difficult.
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It is difficult. The challenge presented is
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exactly that, to mingle the tears of compassion with a tough
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love of obedience. That phrase captures the tension
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well. Jesus himself was
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extraordinarily caring, showing great tenderness to hurting
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people. Yet his teaching on divorce was
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undeniably firm. What God is joined together, let
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not man separate. So compassion and firmness
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together. Yes, It suggests that a firm and
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loving confrontation with Christ's commands, even when
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they're difficult or unpopular, is presented as a form of real
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caring. It's not about being cold or
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judgmental. The reasoning is that a sinful
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choice, even made in distress, can be just as harmful to a
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person's soul and future as the emotional they're already in.
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So true care might involve calling someone to a harder
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path. That's the idea presented,
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holding to divine truth while still having deep empathy for
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the suffering involved. Seeing the true care sometimes
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means guiding someone toward a higher, perhaps more difficult
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standard for their ultimate good and flourishing and for
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faithfulness to God. It's trying to reflect God's own
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character. He is both righteous and
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merciful. It sounds like there's a clear
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distinction being made between genuine care and a kind of
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compromise that looks loving, but according to this view isn't
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helpful long term. People often think being loving
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just means being lenient. Exactly, And people sometimes
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confuse loving care with compromise.
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They might think the tenderness of Jesus and the toughness of
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his commands can't both be expressions of love in the same
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difficult situation, but the sources argue strongly against
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that view. How so?
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They state plainly that compassionate compromises on the
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sanctity of marriage that weaken the solidity of the covenant of
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marriage look loving in the short run but wreak havoc over
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decades. This suggests that softening the
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standards while appearing kind and understanding right now,
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maybe to ease someone's immediate pain or social
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difficulty, actually has severe negative consequences down the
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road. What kind of consequences?
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Consider the ripple effect again.
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If society or the church consistently lowers the bar for
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what makes a marriage binding, then future generations inherit
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a weakened institution. Kids grow up seeing promises as
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less binding, unions as more easily dissolved.
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This can contribute to family instability, emotional
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insecurity and an erosion of trust in communities.
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So what seems kind now might cause more harm later.
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That's the argument. What looks like kindness in one
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instance can over time help create a societal environment
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that's far less stable and nurturing for everyone.
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So it's a call to discern between true long sighted care
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which aims for ultimate well-being and faithfulness, and
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short sighted accommodation, which might ease immediate
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discomfort but potentially invites greater distress later
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on. So what's the flip side then?
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What's the ultimate benefit of upholding these high standards
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for marriage, even when it feels really tough or maybe goes
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against the grain culturally? What's the long term payoff?
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The ultimate benefit described is quite significant.
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Preserving the solid framework of the marriage covenant with
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these high standards, even though it feels hard or
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unpopular in the moment, ultimately produces 10 1000
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blessings the future generations take for granted. 10,000
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blessings. That's quite a claim.
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It is. It highlights a perspective that
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stretches far beyond the immediate pain or difficulty of
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one generation. It suggests that sticking to
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God's original blueprint for marriage creates a stable,
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healthy environment that benefits generations to come,
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maybe in ways we don't even fully see right now.
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What might those blessings look like?
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Well, they could manifest as more stable families, providing
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secure environments for children to grow up in.
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It might lead to greater social cohesion, more mutual support in
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communities. When marriages are viewed as
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serious, lasting covenants, it tends to foster a culture of
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perseverance, forgiveness, self sacrifice, virtues that
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strengthen not just families but society as a whole.
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It shapes the whole culture around relationships.
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It does. It can create a clearer moral
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compass for people navigating relationships.
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The sources suggest that this adherence honors Christ, fosters
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the spiritual health of marriage itself, and strengthens the
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church Jesus established. It's about building a solid
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foundation for a lasting good, contributing to human
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flourishing, and, perhaps most importantly in this view, giving
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a clear, living witness to the loyal character of God Himself.
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Wow, what a thought provoking deep dive into the essence of
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marriage. It's really something to
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consider how closely our human relationships are tied to God's
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character and his purposes. It truly does shine a light on
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how marriage, in this perspective, is seen as much
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more than just a social contract or personal choice.
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It's viewed as a divine act, a sacred covenant designed to
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picture God's faithfulness and display his glory to the world.
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Indeed. So for you, our listener, here's
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maybe a final thought to carry with you.
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If marriage is meant to illustrate God's steadfast and
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gracious faithfulness to his people, how might your
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understanding of marriage, whether you happen to be married
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or single, influence the way you view all of God's covenant
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dealings with humanity, particularly his covenant of
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grace in the gospel? That's a good question to
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ponder. We trust this deep dive has
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given you much to think about. Thank you for joining us on the
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Deep Dive. Until next time, keep seeking to
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understand.