Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Rebuilding Life After Divorce with Dana Williams Part 2

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Rebuilding Life After Divorce with Dana Williams Part 2 · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 48.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here as we dive into part two of my conversation with Dana Williams.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: She's doing a fantastic job with her ministry, helping women overcome shame, doubt and the feelings of being unqualified after walking through divorce.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: If you missed part one, I would love for you to take a listen in it's episode 47.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: So we're going to just dive right back into part two.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: It kind of gives people the realistic view that this is not a sprint.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: This is a more like a marathon and even though it's ongoing because it's ongoing for all of us, as long as we're breathing right, we're learning and growing every single day.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: But the fact that you said eight to 10 years, like I, relate to that.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: That's about how long it took me to like really step in and believe that God could and would honor what he'd given me to do.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, because you know it takes us a long time to deconstruct the junk.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: We have to deconstruct the junk and we have to heal.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: We should never step out into a destiny or a call until we're healed.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: And I don't mean, maybe your healing isn't finalized, because I would say that I'm still walking through healing.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: We all are Sure.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just the fact that you know, I, the Lord, talked to me, started talking to me about a year or two, about starting a podcast, because you know, if you write books books you need to have a platform to sell your books.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't want to do it because I was going to be vulnerable and I would have to speak truth and I would have to come out from behind the wall.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: But that's where our anointing lies.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Our anointing lies outside the wall, not inside the wall and you have like so many great one-liners today that all I can say is you have a good like 10 book series waiting oh, bless you so so get after it, okay.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: So I want to jump back just a minute, because I know I felt this in my church when I walked through divorce, and I'm going to preface the question with this statement and just says that sometimes I feel like that the alcoholics and the or whatever are treated better and given more grace than people who are in divorce or divorce, because I feel like the church puts the divorce way back in a corner, right In a room, so that they can meet and do all the whatever they do right, so that no one can see them out front and center.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Because the church is supposed to be full of happy marriages and they promote happy marriages and they promote marriage seminars and they promote I have yet, in 10 years, gone to a church service that has been on marriage and your spouse.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I've not gone because I'm like, no, I'm not.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: When are you going to talk about the reality of divorce?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Does God want it?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: So my question is the judgment that you get or that you received from that like what?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: what are some ways that you and I, or any other divorced person, can help change the church's view on how divorced people are treated or ministered to in the church?
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: That's a big question.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: You're welcome.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that is huge.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: I feel the weight of responsibility right now, but that's okay, it's big.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: That's big because because this is we're talking the church, the whole body of christ, I mean.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: And there are churches out there that are life-giving to those who've walked divorce, and man, I applaud them, but they're not a lot of them.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: There are not a lot of them.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: The big one is educate yourself, become a student of the word of God.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Like we said, there's a lot of messed up theology about divorce in general and the divorced person.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: We are not leprous, we are not unclean no, okay, we're not after everybody's husbands or wives.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Honestly, that's the thing we're looking for.
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I know, I know, I mean, yeah, just what we need is is more brokenness.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: No, thank you, and we've been broken and we need healing.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: We desperately need healing and it starts with us.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: It starts with us, the divorced Christian, and we need to walk in humility, yet in confidence in who we are.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm divorced.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Yes, I've gone through a divorce.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's painful, no-transcript.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, it was bigger than that, but it was a challenge from the get-go because of dysfunctions that both of us brought into the marriage and we all, we all do that.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: But some of the stuff that we navigated were very big and very painful and I and so I would go to I was not allowed to go to the pastors of the church because it would.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: It could alter my former husband's job, but I was allowed.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: There was a few family members I was allowed to go to, and those family members, you know, gave the whole mantra this is not adultery, that's the only thing you can get a divorce for, and so you need to be submitted and obedient to your husband.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: This is what I was told for 25 years, despite some of the very um, painful situations that we're going through, our marriage.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: You have to be submitted and obedient and and don't talk, don't talk, keep your secrets, don't talk, um, because it could hurt their job.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: And so I wanted to be a good wife, I wanted to be submitted and obedient, so I did what I was told, and all that did was damage me further.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: It just damaged me further.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: So, um, so number one is is you know, we need to be honest with the people around us.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: We need to be honest.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: If you're, if you're being abused, you need to be honest, you need to tell somebody.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: And that's not just being physical abused.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: What if you're being emotionally abused?
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: What if you're being financially abused?
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: I've talked with people who've gone through something called financial infidelity.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: Um, that's abuse, um, and I don't want to get into the term of what all these things are, but, but there's many different forms of abuse and abandonment.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: There's different ways you can abandon your spouse, and so all of those things.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: You know you have to walk those and if that church doesn't accept you or allow you to heal the way you need to heal, you need to find another church that will bring you in and cover you while you heal, have an accountability partner to help you heal.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: All those things, all those things, but the big one is educate.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: I mean, I really believed what these family members said to me about divorce because their paradigm was the old school paradigm and I wanted to be an obedient Christian.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Who doesn't?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I mean honestly living your life for Jesus.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: You want that and I mean that was a.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: It was a decision I struggled with.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I did not make that decision lightly at all to divorce, and so church is like it's.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: It's like we need you to come alongside, Like we really do need you to reach out because, like, if you're an alcoholic and you go to the front of the church and say I've not been drinking in six months, man, you get applause and and how good that is.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: But if you say I've been divorced for six months, it's like well, you know something's wrong with you.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: You failed.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: You just failed, right and and.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I I just not not that divorce should be applauded not at all yeah, but.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: But.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: But it should not be treated like you are unclean thank you.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I'm saying, and and yeah it's just there's got to be some changes there to help those that have walked through and are walking through, like you know, the most serious time of their lives.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: So that's why churches that have divorce care, that's a church, you know, that extends grace.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and that you know, is they have someone in that seat that knows what they're talking about, because they most likely have done that and been through it right.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well, so I guess really my the last thing I really want to incur ask you to share with the listeners are so if someone showed up at your door today and just said, hey, I'm thinking about you know, divorcing, what is your message of hope for those that are listening today, like, what would you tell them to do to give them, you know, the hope that God gave both you and I at different points in our, in our walk as far as divorce is concerned?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: What would you say to the listeners today on giving them an ounce of hope to cling to?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Well, just that our destiny or what I would say is your destiny and call does not end with the stamp on that certificate saying divorced.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: It doesn't stop, that is not it.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: That doesn't end Our destiny and our call was written in the fabric of our DNA, in our mother's womb.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: That doesn't change because you've been through a divorce.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: It doesn't.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It might push off your stepping out into whatever your call is, just because you have to heal, but it doesn't change it.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Nowhere in the word does it say the divorced people do not have a call or a future or a hope.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, jeremiah 29, 11.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: It doesn't say you have a future and a hope only if you're not divorced.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: It doesn't say that.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: It says you have a future and a hope period.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: End of story.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: The Lord has hope stored up for us in heaven.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I talked about this in episode three of my podcast.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: It's funny, it's one of the most listened to podcasts because hope is a big deal when you're walking through.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: And so there's two of them.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: There's one on hope and then there's one on a deep dive.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: What Thessalonians first Thessalonians talks about hope that we literally have a storage locker of hope stored up in heaven for us Now.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: It doesn't say you're only access to it if you're not divorced.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: It doesn't say that.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: So that is there for us.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: That's there for us.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I wrote an article about two very anointed, powerful women ministers who were divorced.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: One is Amy Semple McPherson and the other is Catherine Coleman, and whether or not you believe in their methodology, these women were used by God.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I mean people.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: When they walked in the room, people were like under the power of the Holy Spirit and people were healed and miraculously changed under these women's ministries.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: These women each had been divorced Amy Semple McPherson twice.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: She was divorced twice and Catherine Coleman once and it wasn't for an adultery, it wasn't for an adulterous affair.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: So both were highly favored and anointed by God.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: This alone shows us how the Lord feels about divorced Christians Christians, in my opinion, this is this, and I would tell certain family members about this, and they wouldn't talk about it, because this is how obviously God was fine with their divorce.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Because, boy, these women were powerhouses.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: They did not sit in their ashes, they did not lament their divorces, they dusted off their feet and they moved forward in their call.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: That's so good.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Someone needed to hear that today honestly, because what the enemy and what you tell yourself after your divorce and the people around you who don't know, who didn't live in your marriage, they tell you, yes, I mean, it puts so much shame and guilt and like you've done something wrong.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I mean trust me we know, like we feel that already right, right, but I just appreciate that that word, so much of encouragement um to those listening today, because that is a powerful word.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Well, Well, you know, and I have sensed this, and the Lord gave me a dream about this.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: He said the time is short, I need my divorced Christians sitting in the pews, or sometimes people have walked away from the church because of how they felt.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: He said I need them healed up and I need them to dust off their dreams, put their big and girl or boy panties on and go out for it and step out.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: It's time to remember who you are and it's time to remember whose you are.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: I'd like to give you a standing ovation on that.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I just applaud you because we all desperately and there are going to be countless others who need to hear this message Thank you so much.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you for letting me talk today, and just really quick.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I know that we've shared.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: You've talked about a couple of things and I want to put in the show notes.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: But you had that book and maybe your article, and then there was something else that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Just make sure I get that so I can.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: All of that will be.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I'll put all of that in the show notes for her her episodes that she talked about.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Hope we'll put those in there as well.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Dana, thank you for sharing.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Thank you, I'm so grateful.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: So, so grateful.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful you had sharing.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Thank you, I'm so grateful.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So, so grateful.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful you had me.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: This is, you know, changing people's mindsets and pouring into people.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: It's made easier when you've got people to partner with.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Absolutely I agree with that.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful to know you and I'm grateful to walk alongside you, so thank you for being here.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I walk alongside you, so thank you.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I feel the same.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: You are welcome, hey.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Thanks for listening.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Thank you.