Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Withholds Information
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to start with a number. A study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior last year found that 38 percent of knowledge workers say their manager intentionally withholds information from them. Luna: Thirty-eight percent. That's more than a third. And 'intentionally' is the key word there — it's not just being forgetful. Lucas: Exactly. The researchers frame it through resource control theory — information is a resource, and some managers hoard it to maintain power or leverage. It's not about protecting confidential data; it's about keeping you in the dark so you stay dependent on them. Luna: I've lived that. I had a boss who would never share the full budget behind a project decision. He'd say 'we can't afford that' but never show the numbers. I felt like I was negotiating blind. Lucas: That's the classic play. When you don't know the constraints, you can't argue for alternatives. The boss retains all the cards. So today I want to talk about three specific moves you can make when your boss treats information as a bargaining chip. Luna: Alright, lay them out. Because honestly, this one feels harder to address than a boss who just yells at you. Lucas: Move one: create a paper trail of specific, documented requests. Send an email after every conversation that says, 'Just to confirm, you mentioned we don't have budget for X. Could you share the current project budget summary so I can better align my proposals?' Luna: That's smart — you're not accusing, you're just asking for alignment. But what if they never respond? Lucas: Then you escalate politely. Forward the email a week later with a note: 'Following up on this. I want to make sure I'm not missing any context.' You're building a record that you asked. If it ever becomes a performance issue, you have evidence that you were operating with incomplete information. Luna: That's defensive, but I like it. What's move two? Lucas: Move two: build lateral information networks. If your boss is a bottleneck, find other people in the org who have the data you need. Peers in other departments, people who worked on similar projects before. You're not going behind their back — you're just supplementing. Luna: I did that once. I chatted with a product manager who had access to the budget run rates. He didn't even realize it was hidden from me. He just shared the spreadsheet. Lucas: Exactly. Most information hoarding is local. The data exists somewhere — you just have to find the right person. The key is to frame it as 'I'm trying to be more informed so I can help the team,' not 'my boss won't tell me.' Luna: Yeah, that's a subtle but important reframe. Move three? Lucas: Move three: strategic reciprocity. Share something valuable with your boss first — a market insight, a competitor move, a process improvement — and then ask for information in return. It's the norm of reciprocity. You give, they feel obligated to give back. Luna: That works if your boss has some sense of fairness. But what if they just take and never give? Lucas: Then you've learned something. You know this boss operates on pure self-interest. At that point, you have to decide whether the cost of staying — always operating with partial information — outweighs the benefit. Luna: Let me ask you something. How do you distinguish between a boss who withholds information for control and a boss who just communicates poorly? Lucas: Great question. The study actually measured intent. The tell is consistency. If the boss selectively shares with certain team members but not others, that's control. If they're equally bad at communicating with everyone, it's probably a skill deficit. Luna: So the gossip network matters. If you notice that one colleague always knows about changes before you do, that's a red flag. Lucas: Exactly. And the second tell is defensiveness. If you ask for more context and the boss gets hostile — 'why do you need that?' or 'that's above your pay grade' — that's a power move, not a communication gap. Luna: Okay, so let's say I've tried all three moves. The boss still withholds information. What's the next step? Lucas: You escalate — but carefully. Frame it around project risk, not personal grievance. Say something like, 'I'm concerned that without full visibility into X, we might miss our deadline. Can we bring in a stakeholder who has that context?' Luna: That's elegant. You're not accusing the boss of hoarding; you're flagging a business risk. And you're proposing a solution that doesn't require the boss to change their behavior. Lucas: Right. And if the boss still blocks you, you have a clearer picture. This is someone who would rather see the project fail than share control. That's a signal to start looking for a new role, either internally or externally. Luna: Before we go there, I want to come back to something you said earlier about the coffee thing. You know, if this episode helps someone navigate a boss like that, maybe it's worth the price of a cup. Lucas: Honestly, if today was worth a coffee to you, we have a link — it's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, just a way to keep the show ad-free and focused on real advice. Luna: Yeah, and we mean it — a single coffee is huge. It lets us keep doing deep dives like this without selling your data to some mattress company. Lucas: Alright, back to the tactics. One more thing I want to add: if you're in a role where information hoarding is systemic — not just one boss but the whole culture — you might consider building a reputation as a 'translator.' Luna: A translator? What do you mean? Lucas: Someone who can distill complex, hidden information into something useful for others. If you're the person who can figure out the real budget picture or the real timeline, you become indispensable. That gives you leverage. Luna: So you're saying, instead of fighting the hoarding directly, you become the person who works around it? Lucas: Exactly. The boss controls the official channel. You build the unofficial one. And over time, people come to you for the truth. That's real power, and it's harder for the boss to block. Luna: I like that. It's proactive. Let me throw out a scenario: what if the information your boss withholds is about your own performance? Like, they have feedback they won't share? Lucas: That's a different beast, but the same principle applies. Request regular one-on-ones with an agenda. Ask specifically: 'What's one thing I could do better?' If they deflect, say, 'I want to make sure I'm meeting your expectations. Could you give me a specific example?' Luna: Document it, again. You're building a case. Lucas: Right. And if six months go by and you still have no clear feedback, and then you get a bad review, you have documentation that you asked. It's not a silver bullet, but it's protection. Luna: Let's circle back to the study. Thirty-eight percent is huge. Do you think that number is higher now with remote work? It's easier to withhold information when you're not in the same room. Lucas: I think it probably is. The researchers noted that information hoarding increases when communication channels are lean — email and Slack versus face to face. So yeah, hybrid and remote environments likely amplify it. Luna: That makes sense. It's harder to casually overhear something in a hallway when there's no hallway. Lucas: Exactly. So the lateral network becomes even more critical. You have to intentionally reach out to people across the org because the serendipity is gone. Luna: Okay, final thought. If someone is listening right now and they're in that 38 percent, what's the one thing you want them to do tomorrow? Lucas: Send one email. A documented request for a specific piece of information you've been denied. Not accusatory, just professional. Then watch how they respond. That response will tell you everything you need to know about whether this is fixable. Luna: I think that's solid. One email, one test. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. Talk to everyone next time.