Latest / Therapy Thursday with Ellen K / The Romance Died After He Proposed & I'm Not Your Boy Toy

Transcript

The Romance Died After He Proposed & I'm Not Your Boy Toy · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to Therapy Thursday. I'm Ellen k I'm Ryan Mano,
0:03
Speaker 1: and I'm Sarah Dash and this is the podcast you
0:06
Speaker 1: asked for. We were doing a radio show, me and
0:09
Speaker 1: Ryan every morning, and then we noticed, didn't we that
0:13
Speaker 1: all these people are calling with problems and issues and.
0:17
Speaker 2: We'd love to be here for you, but we're not experts.
0:20
Speaker 3: And a lot of people don't really know where to
0:23
Speaker 3: start when it comes to kind of putting the pieces
0:25
Speaker 3: together on their problems.
0:26
Speaker 2: That's right now.
0:27
Speaker 1: At the same time that we're doing the radio show
0:28
Speaker 1: and getting a lot of people calling, we're also noticing
0:31
Speaker 1: that there's a big push for mental help and people
0:35
Speaker 1: weren't ashamed anymore to say they go to therapy. Well,
0:38
Speaker 1: we have a friend who's a therapist, so Ryan, now
0:40
Speaker 1: we're talking. We just said we should, we should do
0:43
Speaker 1: this on the radio. Let's have Therapy Thursday, just because
0:46
Speaker 1: it sounds good. And we invited you, Sarah, to come
0:50
Speaker 1: in every Thursday and you would take calls and help people.
0:54
Speaker 1: And then that turned into a research project, which turned
0:57
Speaker 1: into hey, make that into a podcast, and here we are.
0:59
Speaker 2: It's Therapy Thursday.
1:00
Speaker 1: Sarah is a licensed therapist, so it's an LMFT licensed
1:04
Speaker 1: marriage and family therapist.
1:06
Speaker 2: And Ryan, you and I.
1:07
Speaker 1: We do this radio show for ten years together.
1:09
Speaker 4: Now the only thing we're licensed in is fun.
1:15
Speaker 2: I like that license.
1:17
Speaker 1: Well, let's go to Sonia. Sonia, thank you so much
1:19
Speaker 1: for reaching out.
1:21
Speaker 2: Sarah is here for you. We're here for you. What
1:23
Speaker 2: is going on?
1:25
Speaker 5: Thank you? Guys. I'm engaged and really proposed after this
1:31
Speaker 5: magical year of romance and dating. And I mean, it's
1:34
Speaker 5: the kind of love where he noticed everything and made
1:38
Speaker 5: me feel undeniable, and so obviously I said yes without hesitation,
1:43
Speaker 5: But almost immediately something changed. The affection and attention faded fast.
1:52
Speaker 5: It's like the man who couldn't get enough of me
1:56
Speaker 5: now feels distant and distracted. And I can't stop asking myself,
2:03
Speaker 5: is this the real Willy? I mean? Was he simply
2:06
Speaker 5: trying to win me? And now that he has me,
2:10
Speaker 5: I don't feel chosen anymore. So I'm wondering is this
2:16
Speaker 5: normal after you get engaged or is this the moment
2:20
Speaker 5: I should be paying attention to.
2:25
Speaker 6: I think that a little bit of pursuit energy, like
2:28
Speaker 6: when that softens, that can happen because somebody's in hy pursuit.
2:33
Speaker 6: They attain something that they've been desiring. Ideally, what that
2:37
Speaker 6: softens into is commitment energy, and then there's this you know,
2:41
Speaker 6: aderation phase that begins. So that's what you what you
2:46
Speaker 6: want to see. But a rapid decline and attention and
2:50
Speaker 6: into an attainment I think is concerning.
2:53
Speaker 2: How rapid has the decline been, Sonia.
2:57
Speaker 5: I'm talking immediately it's like within like to dates.
3:00
Speaker 1: Oh my god, So he put the ring on it
3:03
Speaker 1: and then he like basically left you emotionally.
3:06
Speaker 7: Yeah.
3:07
Speaker 3: Can I'm going to ask you a very a personal question.
3:10
Speaker 3: Are you guys has the intimacy stop? Are you guys
3:13
Speaker 3: sexually active?
3:15
Speaker 5: No?
3:16
Speaker 4: No, you're not? It stopped?
3:18
Speaker 5: No? Yeah?
3:19
Speaker 2: Oh everything everything?
3:21
Speaker 6: How was the intimacy prior to the engagement wonderful?
3:26
Speaker 5: Are you kidding me? That's another reason why I said yes,
3:29
Speaker 5: So like.
3:30
Speaker 3: He would he would make you feel it, like he
3:32
Speaker 3: would take his time with you and really you know,
3:33
Speaker 3: give you that moment.
3:35
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, everything, it's like it was perfect.
3:39
Speaker 2: I think he sounds like a psychopath.
3:43
Speaker 1: Well this is a I'm so sorry, Sonya, but I
3:47
Speaker 1: to just to jeckle and hide it like that is
3:50
Speaker 1: very scary.
3:51
Speaker 6: It's it's unusual I know that for some people, if
3:54
Speaker 6: they're insecurely attached, specifically avoidance there, desire really thrives with distance,
4:04
Speaker 6: so closeness can, believe it or not, disregulate them. They
4:10
Speaker 6: don't have a sense of security and safety once they
4:13
Speaker 6: like formally attach, they actually feel disregulated.
4:17
Speaker 3: But why, Sarah, would someone who has a fear of
4:21
Speaker 3: closeness seek closeness as the goal.
4:25
Speaker 6: I think that a lot of times our behavior isn't
4:30
Speaker 6: logical on the outside, where if you're looking internally, it
4:33
Speaker 6: makes a lot of sense. Like if we think of
4:36
Speaker 6: intimacy as actually increasing the risk of being hurt, that
4:42
Speaker 6: could result in somebody withdrawing once they've attained this thing
4:46
Speaker 6: that they've been pursuing. I mean, there's also this you know,
4:51
Speaker 6: belief system. And it's not like a formal diagnosis, but
4:55
Speaker 6: it's a phrase. I'm gonna maybe butcher this, but it's
4:59
Speaker 6: I wouldn't want to be a member of a club
5:02
Speaker 6: that would accept me as a member.
5:04
Speaker 4: Uh huh, yeah.
5:06
Speaker 6: And I think that can you know, I don't know,
5:08
Speaker 6: it's it's very confusing for her. And I hear that,
5:11
Speaker 6: and I hear that it's very painful.
5:15
Speaker 2: How much do you love Willie.
5:16
Speaker 1: Is it like, are I know that he gave you
5:20
Speaker 1: everything physically and emotionally?
5:22
Speaker 2: But how long, like.
5:24
Speaker 1: Have you guys been together? How deep does this go?
5:28
Speaker 5: We've been together for about three years?
5:31
Speaker 3: Okay, do you love him as much as you I
5:35
Speaker 3: guess did in the beginning?
5:37
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, yes absolutely. That's why I'm so shocked about everything.
5:42
Speaker 1: This is how I knew I loved my fiance now husband,
5:46
Speaker 1: is that I just didn't want to live life without him.
5:50
Speaker 1: I thought, I can't picture my life without him in it.
5:53
Speaker 1: And he felt like home to me. Does Willy feel
5:55
Speaker 1: like home to you?
5:58
Speaker 2: He did the old day?
6:00
Speaker 4: He did that.
6:01
Speaker 1: So, Sarah, you, I'm sure run into something similar before,
6:05
Speaker 1: maybe many times. I have Ken therapy. Close the gap here?
6:09
Speaker 1: Or do you think it's a hopeless situation.
6:12
Speaker 6: I don't think it's hopeless. I think it's really important
6:15
Speaker 6: to determine whether this is a type of defensive withdrawal
6:21
Speaker 6: because of the closeness, or whether he's actually someone who
6:25
Speaker 6: devalues something once he's chosen by that thing. Oh and
6:31
Speaker 6: then that's more. That's what you see with love bombing,
6:35
Speaker 6: is something loses value after it's attained. Now, I think
6:41
Speaker 6: a lot is going to depend on how he responds
6:44
Speaker 6: to Sonya when you bring this up to him. His
6:48
Speaker 6: response is going to give you a lot of information.
6:50
Speaker 4: What do you mean by that? So what is she
6:52
Speaker 4: looking out for?
6:53
Speaker 6: She's looking for attunement, She's looking for curiosity about what's happening,
6:58
Speaker 6: why it's happening, a real consideration for how his withdrawal
7:05
Speaker 6: is affecting her.
7:06
Speaker 4: And repair.
7:08
Speaker 6: I think the capacity for repair is really capacity for
7:11
Speaker 6: partnership in a situation.
7:13
Speaker 5: I guess.
7:14
Speaker 4: Yeah. Now, let me ask you one more question. This
7:17
Speaker 4: is fascinating to me.
7:18
Speaker 3: Do you think this pertains more to men than women
7:21
Speaker 3: in this sort of the thrill of the hunt type thing.
7:24
Speaker 6: I think it does in terms of that, if you're
7:28
Speaker 6: talking about attachment, men tend to be more avoidant and
7:32
Speaker 6: women tend to be more insecure or like anxiously attached
7:36
Speaker 6: right within that, So you can certainly see it more
7:39
Speaker 6: in men in that way. And then I mean, I
7:41
Speaker 6: don't know, what do you think.
7:42
Speaker 3: Well, as a man and as someone who you know, Look,
7:45
Speaker 3: I lived I felt like, you know, ten lifetimes by
7:48
Speaker 3: the time I was twenty five. I mean, I'm serious,
7:51
Speaker 3: And there were there was a period and I'm just
7:53
Speaker 3: being honest.
7:54
Speaker 4: There was a period of that life where it was
7:56
Speaker 4: like leave them. That's it.
7:59
Speaker 3: Not to sound cold or awful, but like there was
8:01
Speaker 3: there's a something that hadn't yet formed in my brain
8:04
Speaker 3: that was like, hey, don't do that.
8:05
Speaker 1: Okay, so you would break hearts. Yeah, it just goes
8:09
Speaker 1: to them night by night. Okay, let's see. You know
8:11
Speaker 1: you're changing your socks every day.
8:13
Speaker 4: Yeah, so what is that?
8:14
Speaker 3: Because I don't feel like women to have that same
8:17
Speaker 3: that same drive.
8:18
Speaker 2: Dua Lipa wrote the song Houdini for a reason.
8:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm just saying listen, I'm not saying women don't.
8:24
Speaker 3: I just think it's more of a man problem.
8:26
Speaker 6: Do you feel like you were getting like a dopamine
8:28
Speaker 6: high from the pursuit. Yeah, and so then once you
8:32
Speaker 6: attained it, dopamine drops lack of interest.
8:36
Speaker 1: Next, so it's just another way to get high. Sonya,
8:40
Speaker 1: do you think that Willie it was all dopamine for him?
8:42
Speaker 1: I mean three years is a pretty long time to
8:44
Speaker 1: be in love.
8:45
Speaker 6: A long time?
8:45
Speaker 5: Yeah, well it sounds like it. I mean we were
8:49
Speaker 5: together for well, like the first years we were friends.
8:53
Speaker 5: Then so the second year is when it got like
8:55
Speaker 5: really magical. And and but I mean it has now,
9:03
Speaker 5: don't means gone now for sure, Sonia.
9:05
Speaker 6: Is it possible that there's something else going on for
9:08
Speaker 6: Willy outside of the relationship. I mean, could he have
9:12
Speaker 6: proposed The next day he goes into work and finds
9:15
Speaker 6: out his job maybe on the line, and he's just
9:17
Speaker 6: very distracted. I just don't want to start pathologizing him
9:21
Speaker 6: or making it about you or him when it could
9:22
Speaker 6: be something completely outside of.
9:25
Speaker 1: That, you know.
9:27
Speaker 5: So maybe I should ask about that, you know, when
9:29
Speaker 5: we talk. Maybe I should ask him about his work.
9:32
Speaker 5: I never do, but maybe that I think that's a
9:34
Speaker 5: good idea.
9:36
Speaker 1: Could have had a medical diagnosis of psychopath Hellen. No,
9:43
Speaker 1: I don't want to.
9:43
Speaker 2: I don't want to.
9:44
Speaker 1: I don't want to vilify WILLI but and I know
9:46
Speaker 1: you love him, Sonya, so excuse me for that. But
9:49
Speaker 1: I just feel like I feel like this is temporary,
9:52
Speaker 1: just my gut feeling, just as a person not knowing anything.
9:55
Speaker 1: What's temporary that this Willy is he's in a phase
9:58
Speaker 1: right now, stick or buyer's remorse that he'll get over
10:02
Speaker 1: once he moves into the beautiful house and be like
10:04
Speaker 1: I'm so happy we live here now.
10:06
Speaker 4: So you think he's popping out of this I think.
10:08
Speaker 2: He's popping out. I don't know, Sarah, what do you think.
10:10
Speaker 6: I think he could easily be popping out? I think
10:12
Speaker 6: that you know what you're talking about with buyer's remorse.
10:16
Speaker 6: That's about that's a rival fantasy. When something happens, we
10:20
Speaker 6: think we're going to feel a certain way. Yes, like
10:22
Speaker 6: we get this car, we think we're going to feel
10:24
Speaker 6: whatever way we're expecting to feel. We get it. There's
10:27
Speaker 6: nothing wrong with the car. The car hasn't changed. It's
10:30
Speaker 6: that how we feel isn't matching our expectations.
10:34
Speaker 1: Ryan, do you think Willy's going to pop out?
10:36
Speaker 3: I don't, and I hope Sonya pops out before WILLI
10:39
Speaker 3: does get out of there.
10:40
Speaker 1: Okay, Sonny, what do you think?
10:44
Speaker 5: Well, I can let you know what happens.
10:47
Speaker 1: I want you to give him a chance. I really
10:48
Speaker 1: want you to give him a chance. I really think
10:50
Speaker 1: that after three years of investing your love, I think
10:53
Speaker 1: that it's worth giving it a chance. You can't just
10:55
Speaker 1: walk away like Ryan does from a situation. She from
11:01
Speaker 1: a situation where you've had so much love. I just
11:05
Speaker 1: I would hate to see that evaporate.
11:06
Speaker 6: Right, it's certainly worth a conversation.
11:10
Speaker 5: Thank you.
11:10
Speaker 1: Let us know, Yeah, because Sarah said, it's all about
11:12
Speaker 1: how he reacts.
11:15
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely tell you guys. I'm so thankful
11:18
Speaker 5: you guys have helped me today.
11:21
Speaker 1: Thanks Sonya, keep us posted, I will. Okay, all right,
11:27
Speaker 1: that's Sonya coming up. We are going to be talking
11:31
Speaker 1: about a boy toy, not a toy.
11:35
Speaker 2: Nick.
11:35
Speaker 1: There's a guy Nick who has been promoted at work
11:39
Speaker 1: and he feels like he's a toy and doesn't want
11:41
Speaker 1: to be Stay with us, there be Thursday.
11:55
Speaker 2: Not a toy.
11:55
Speaker 1: Nick has written us a letter and Sarah, I want
11:59
Speaker 1: to read this to you. Okay, not a toy, Nick, Okay,
12:03
Speaker 1: Dear Ellen, I finally made it. After years of grinding
12:06
Speaker 1: and restaurants late night and a double shifts living off tips,
12:09
Speaker 1: I landed my first six figure management job, real money,
12:14
Speaker 1: real future. He feels great, Right, so six figures he's promoted.
12:20
Speaker 1: He owes a lot to his female boss, Jezebel. She
12:22
Speaker 1: runs a restaurant group her father founded like she was
12:25
Speaker 1: born for it. Everyone respects her, but some are intimidated,
12:28
Speaker 1: and a lot of people are looking at him because
12:32
Speaker 1: he was promoted so fast. Okay, now her management style
12:36
Speaker 1: has turned into late night kind of flirty text. Let's
12:38
Speaker 1: go for a cocktail just to you know, see some
12:41
Speaker 1: of the other restaurants. And he's feeling like he's being
12:45
Speaker 1: pulled into something more than just.
12:48
Speaker 2: A working relationship. Okay, all right, he goes on.
12:52
Speaker 1: Nothing I could point to and say this is completely
12:54
Speaker 1: out of line. I love this job and I love
12:56
Speaker 1: the money, but I'm starting to feel like there's an
12:58
Speaker 1: unspoken expectation. Got it, all right, I've worked too hard
13:02
Speaker 1: to give up this life for this. How do you
13:07
Speaker 1: handle a boss who's opening a door you never asked
13:10
Speaker 1: to walk through?
13:11
Speaker 2: Not a toy nick.
13:14
Speaker 6: Okay, so nothing is technically wrong, but everything is feeling
13:21
Speaker 6: off to him, which tells me that it's a little
13:24
Speaker 6: bit of a boundary erosion. Not a full on like
13:28
Speaker 6: crossing of somebody's boundaries, not a flagrant an eros. Yeah,
13:33
Speaker 6: so it's a little bit of a boundary erotion.
13:35
Speaker 1: Okay, So all boundaries have collide, they've they've collapsed.
13:41
Speaker 6: Yeah, and he's fearing he's I hear that he fears
13:46
Speaker 6: the imminent collapse. He's fearing something that's going to happen.
13:50
Speaker 1: So he wasn't ready for this promotion. Basically, I don't know.
13:55
Speaker 6: I don't know. I mean, whether he was ready for
13:58
Speaker 6: the promotion is different from where the or he was
14:00
Speaker 6: ready for how their personal relationship would escalate. I don't
14:04
Speaker 6: think he sounds like he was prepared and you know,
14:07
Speaker 6: for how to deal with this. And he you know,
14:09
Speaker 6: not that he should have needed to be on his
14:12
Speaker 6: guard with this woman, but you know, something feels really
14:17
Speaker 6: off to him, and he's caught between not wanting to
14:21
Speaker 6: lose his job but also not wanting to lose his autonomy,
14:24
Speaker 6: being pulled into a situation he's not comfortable with.
14:26
Speaker 3: But as you pointed out, Sarah, nothing's happened. She hasn't
14:30
Speaker 3: crossed the line. He's acknowledged she hasn't crossed the line.
14:33
Speaker 3: The worst thing is like these invites are, hey, do
14:35
Speaker 3: you want to go see one of our restaurant groups?
14:37
Speaker 5: Right?
14:38
Speaker 3: Sit there, feel the pulse. That's an a normal thing
14:40
Speaker 3: that a boss would do with an employee. It is
14:43
Speaker 3: with a protege, a a second in command. You go, hey,
14:45
Speaker 3: part of the gig is that we've got to spend
14:47
Speaker 3: time at these places.
14:48
Speaker 6: Yeah, right, And so That's why I don't think he
14:52
Speaker 6: needs to make any rash decisions. He doesn't need to
14:55
Speaker 6: confront her. He just wants to maybe gently recalibrate the
15:00
Speaker 6: professional structure.
15:02
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, And he can take control of that, right,
15:06
Speaker 1: I mean, he's if he feels like something's inappropriate, you
15:09
Speaker 1: can remove.
15:10
Speaker 2: Yourself from the situation.
15:12
Speaker 1: I had a boss once, years and years ago who
15:15
Speaker 1: called me into his office and shut the door, the
15:17
Speaker 1: big desk, the whole thing, right, And this was in
15:19
Speaker 1: a radio station, not in this town, and he said
15:23
Speaker 1: have a seat, and I was like new at the place.
15:26
Speaker 1: And I sat down and he was complimenting me, and
15:29
Speaker 1: you really fit.
15:29
Speaker 2: In well here, blah blah blah blah blah.
15:31
Speaker 1: And then he said, do you mind if I kiss you?
15:35
Speaker 4: Whoa whoa, whoa whoa?
15:36
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, I do mind.
15:38
Speaker 5: Yeah.
15:39
Speaker 1: I was so shocked and it came out of nowhere.
15:43
Speaker 1: I didn't feel any flirty vibes at all out, you know,
15:46
Speaker 1: other than when I sat down in that chair with
15:49
Speaker 1: the door closed. And at first I thought he was
15:51
Speaker 1: just going to say congrats, you know, on this job
15:54
Speaker 1: and you're here and you're fitting in well and good job.
15:57
Speaker 1: But it was all of that and then can I
16:00
Speaker 1: kiss you? And so things after that were never the same.
16:04
Speaker 1: I avoided him everywhere I went, and we still worked
16:07
Speaker 1: together for another, I don't know, almost a year, okay,
16:10
Speaker 1: and it was super awkward. I didn't there was no retribution, okay,
16:14
Speaker 1: but I felt like, oh my god, this I'm caring
16:19
Speaker 1: around the secret. I didn't tell anyone else I work with.
16:22
Speaker 1: I just I just, you know, I did.
16:24
Speaker 5: I did.
16:24
Speaker 1: My mom always said rise above. I just rose above
16:26
Speaker 1: and pretended like that didn't happen.
16:28
Speaker 2: That was gross.
16:29
Speaker 6: Well, there's an inherent power imbalance with a boss and
16:33
Speaker 6: an employee. That's why human resources exist, is to protect
16:38
Speaker 6: people from exactly what happened to you.
16:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know what.
16:42
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about HR at the moment. I
16:45
Speaker 1: just kind of like I got out of there after
16:48
Speaker 1: I said no thank I think I said thank you
16:51
Speaker 1: for the conference offer. Yeah, not the offer, and then
16:56
Speaker 1: I left. And I'm wondering if Nick is just so
16:59
Speaker 1: overwhelmed with all the work he's doing that maybe, you know,
17:03
Speaker 1: he just doesn't know how to navigate. I know, I
17:05
Speaker 1: know that you know have a son who's now out
17:08
Speaker 1: in the working world, and there are lots of situations
17:10
Speaker 1: that come up where he'll call and say, I don't
17:12
Speaker 1: know what to do. What do I say? My boss
17:13
Speaker 1: said this, I need to do that. So maybe it's
17:16
Speaker 1: just the navigation of the new world.
17:18
Speaker 6: I think it's the navigation of a completely new situation
17:21
Speaker 6: for him. I also think he's in a bit of
17:25
Speaker 6: a complicated situation because on one hand, he's being chosen
17:31
Speaker 6: elevated by this person in power, and to feel seen
17:36
Speaker 6: by somebody who is in power is very intoxicating. That
17:41
Speaker 6: in and of itself is very seductive. So it's very
17:45
Speaker 6: easy to get kind of pulled into this without realizing
17:50
Speaker 6: exactly what's happening, because they're positives to what's happening in
17:55
Speaker 6: this s.
17:56
Speaker 3: But why I'm so frustrated with this? Why can't you
18:00
Speaker 3: just leave it be? Nothing bad has happened. Everything he
18:04
Speaker 3: said is I feel like it's good man. You got
18:08
Speaker 3: your dream job. You literally laid out all these great things,
18:11
Speaker 3: your first six figure management job, a real title, real money,
18:14
Speaker 3: real future, no more grinding, and you owe a lot
18:17
Speaker 3: of it to your boss.
18:17
Speaker 4: Cool, she's taking you under her wing. Stay under the wing.
18:21
Speaker 6: I don't think he necessarily needs to do anything other
18:24
Speaker 6: than have an awareness and just be mindful, maybe limit
18:28
Speaker 6: personal disclosures of that type of thing. I don't think
18:31
Speaker 6: anything really does need to be done at this time.
18:34
Speaker 1: Okay, well let's go to Milinda. Melinda, thank you so
18:36
Speaker 1: much for calling way in.
18:38
Speaker 8: I mean, if he feels like she's crossing the line,
18:41
Speaker 8: then I would say something.
18:42
Speaker 5: But if he's kind of like on the borderline, I
18:45
Speaker 5: guess wait until maybe something else happened, and then.
18:48
Speaker 1: If it does cross the line, definitely say something. Okay,
18:50
Speaker 1: so wait for her to cross the line, should hem
18:53
Speaker 1: her into crossing the line and gotcha?
18:55
Speaker 2: No, no, no no.
18:57
Speaker 1: I would try to steer clear of crossing the line,
18:59
Speaker 1: but then if she continues.
19:00
Speaker 5: Then have to say something.
19:02
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, thank you, no problem, Bye.
19:06
Speaker 2: Bye, all right, we got to talk back.
19:08
Speaker 8: Hey, guys, So I was listening to this not a
19:12
Speaker 8: toy Nick, and I just wanted to say if it
19:15
Speaker 8: were me, what I would do how I would handle it,
19:18
Speaker 8: Because he's got himself in a position that he wants
19:20
Speaker 8: to be in professionally, I would say nothing. I would
19:25
Speaker 8: what Allen just said, not respond to late night texts,
19:28
Speaker 8: and I would just not give the fire any fuel
19:30
Speaker 8: and just move on about my life.
19:34
Speaker 2: So you have some some experience with this. What are
19:39
Speaker 2: you feeling?
19:41
Speaker 7: That's crazy? I can't believe he's he's such a whiner.
19:46
Speaker 3: Yeah that's how I feel.
19:50
Speaker 7: Oh my god. Yeah, this girl whose dad owns fifty
19:55
Speaker 7: restaurants is hitting on me. Yeah, what are you crazy?
20:00
Speaker 2: You say?
20:00
Speaker 1: Go for it?
20:04
Speaker 7: Yes, they both are, they're both single. He's a nutcase.
20:08
Speaker 7: He needs to get his head chacked. Go for it.
20:10
Speaker 7: You're set for life.
20:14
Speaker 1: He's literally serving herself on a plate.
20:17
Speaker 4: That's what I said. Hits your wagon to this and
20:19
Speaker 4: right it till the wheels fall.
20:20
Speaker 7: Off, exactly, Thank you. Joke, all right, I'll see you.
20:27
Speaker 6: Well, we don't want to minimize this, yeah, just because
20:30
Speaker 6: he's a guy, and I think that culturally we have
20:32
Speaker 6: a tendency to minimize this type of thing for a man.
20:35
Speaker 6: And that's not okay either.
20:37
Speaker 4: So what are you saying?
20:38
Speaker 3: We so we're negating that he feels this way because
20:42
Speaker 3: he's a man and men aren't supposed to feel this way?
20:44
Speaker 5: Is that what you mean?
20:44
Speaker 4: I heard the last caller kind of oh, kind of
20:47
Speaker 4: making but.
20:48
Speaker 6: And I don't know if he would have said the
20:49
Speaker 6: same thing if that were his sister's.
20:52
Speaker 1: Okay, what else don't I don't know about that either.
20:55
Speaker 5: Right.
20:56
Speaker 1: I have a friend who her husband was a fitness
20:59
Speaker 1: trainer and he's training this really wealthy woman and she
21:02
Speaker 1: was hitting on him, and my friend said, get the Rolex,
21:06
Speaker 1: I don't care, just don't tell me what you need
21:08
Speaker 1: to do for it, Like, do whatever you want, okay.
21:11
Speaker 2: So she was very like, go for it.
21:13
Speaker 1: You know, if she wants you, she can have you,
21:16
Speaker 1: but get something for it. And I always thought.
21:19
Speaker 2: That was so callous. Yeah, it's pretty gross.
21:22
Speaker 6: Yeah, you're minimizing somebody else's discomfort. And it's not for
21:27
Speaker 6: us to say whether he should feel uncomfortable. It's to
21:29
Speaker 6: attend to the fact that he's saying he is uncomfortable.
21:31
Speaker 3: Okay, that's fair, But I mean, does this guy has
21:38
Speaker 3: everything he wants, like, unless he's just painfully unattracted to her? Right,
21:44
Speaker 3: calm down, lower the temperature.
21:47
Speaker 2: You know, easier said than Donni.
21:51
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, if you are facing an issue and you
21:56
Speaker 1: don't how to handle it, we are here for you.
21:58
Speaker 1: It is therapy Thursday.
21:59
Speaker 2: We will be right back. Welcome back to therapy Thursday.
22:08
Speaker 1: If you have a circumstance that you don't know how
22:10
Speaker 1: to handle, We are here for you.
22:12
Speaker 2: You can email us.
22:13
Speaker 1: You can use the talk back feature in the iHeart
22:15
Speaker 1: app leave us a voice note. We also occasionally read
22:17
Speaker 1: our favorite comments on air, so you can leave those
22:20
Speaker 1: as well. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or
22:24
Speaker 1: a comment on YouTube and let us know what you think.
22:26
Speaker 2: But we are here for you. It's therapy Thursday.
22:28
Speaker 3: Can I just say one thing before we wrap this episode? Well,
22:31
Speaker 3: go ahead, okay, I'm going to so the two that
22:34
Speaker 3: we tackled today, you know what I hear from the
22:36
Speaker 3: This is two men who asked or thought they wanted something,
22:40
Speaker 3: and when they got it, it was too much for them. Oh,
22:43
Speaker 3: from a fiance to a job. I just don't think
22:46
Speaker 3: these guys were cut out for handling what life gave them.
22:49
Speaker 6: Yeah. No, I like the parallel, Right you like the parallel?
22:53
Speaker 5: Thank you?
22:53
Speaker 1: Good joff Ry, Hi great, Jeff, Sarah