Latest / Two Point Perspective / When the Ride Changes—with Anne Moss
Transcript
- 0:00When I have a bad ride, I know there are a lot of things I could think about, like what happened, what could I have done differently?
- 0:08What do I need to work on?
- 0:10But my first thought is almost always, well, I suck.
- 0:15Which is quite a lot to get out of one missed distance.
- 0:20This is two point perspective.
- 0:22Two riders with different viewpoints from different generations talking about the same sport.
- 0:30Ann Moss, well, I knew her as Ann Brown of When the Ride Changes is with us today.
- 0:37Ann is a licensed professional counselor with national board certification and nearly 20 years of experience.
- 0:45She's also a horsewoman and I've known her since I rode a pinetop with George.
- 0:50So our connection goes back, I guess you could say a little while.
- 0:57And I totally relate to what she's doing with when the Ride Changes.
- 1:01She's bringing expertise that she's built over her career to the horse world that she's always been passionate about.
- 1:09And I think that that's something a lot of us would want to do.
- 1:13I also think it is incredibly cool that Jeffrey Wells, Melanie Smith, Taylor, Jack Towell and Don Stewart have all endorsed Ann's work.
- 1:24These are people who have known her for years through the horse world, and they speak to the combination of her experience as a therapist and her understanding of riders.
- 1:35We've talked about mental skills before on this podcast with Samantha Shank's husband.
- 1:41I opened with I suck because that's where my mind always goes after a disappointing ride.
- 1:50And I've had some experience doing some mental skills work with Sam.
- 1:56But today we wanted to explore what happens when the difficulties we're having when we ride connect to something else in our lives.
- 2:06So, Ann, could you start by explaining your work and kind of how it relates to mental skills coaching or not?
- 2:15I think they complement each other is where I would start with that.
- 2:19I think there's a.
- 2:19There's a place for both of them.
- 2:22Like you said, I'm a licensed professional counselor.
- 2:25It's my second career.
- 2:27I'm a mental health therapist and I started my career by accident doing substance abuse work.
- 2:35And so I got involved with that involves a lot of trauma and dealing with people that have had traumas.
- 2:43And so I became trained in what's called EMDR.
- 2:47And so I've been practicing EMDR for probably 15 years.
- 2:53And that is where I got so excited about putting my riding, my knowledge of riding with the trauma work.
- 3:03Because I would sit on the side of the ring and watch these athletes come in horse and rider, and they'd go around and there'd be an Oops.
- 3:12And you know, or there'd be a fall or something like that.
- 3:17And I started thinking, why would EMDR not work in the sports world and specifically in the writing world?
- 3:25But they do complement each other.
- 3:27So I began testing my theory and I've had a lot of success with it.
- 3:33So I'm thrilled to death to be here to talk about and how it works.
- 3:38I recently read something in the Plaid Horse where somebody was looking for a person to talk to who understood horses.
- 3:46I know as a client, I'm sure you wouldn't necessarily want to spend the first few conversations explaining why riding matters so much to you.
- 3:58So what difference do you think that that shared understanding makes in the work that you're doing?
- 4:04I think it makes a huge difference because I speak horse.
- 4:08You know, it doesn't take 15 minutes for them to explain.
- 4:11That means, you know, I was going down a line and I missed the spot, or I chipped over the jump, or, you know, I got in there and I picked up the wrong lead or all those things that,
- 4:25you know, someone that is not familiar with the sport is going, what do you mean by that?
- 4:30The horse, Chip, did he chip his lips?
- 4:32That, you know, you know, you know, or when you're talking about, you know, I'm riding down to this oxer and I hate oxers.
- 4:40And someone who's not familiar is like, what is an ox?
- 4:43Or, you know, or that four foot vertical looks like a wall in front of me, you know, and I'm scared I'm going to miss the spot.
- 4:50And they're going, what's the spot?
- 4:52And what's the four foot vertical?
- 4:54So, you know, when you walk, when you get in session with me where we.
- 5:01I can ask a direct question of what brings you here.
- 5:05And they can say, I miss.
- 5:08I have a miss in every class I go in and I don't know why, you know, or I walk in the ring and my heart is pounding and I forget everything I've thought about.
- 5:19So that's the difference.
- 5:20Okay, so somebody might come to you because they're anxious when they ride or something that scared them and they want help getting past it.
- 5:30Like you said, they wonder why they miss all the time.
- 5:33But as you talk then you might find out that there's more going on than even they had initially realized.
- 5:41How do you start to sort that out?
- 5:43And that happens probably 10 times out of 10 when, when people come to me and they say, I go in the ring and I'm having a great round and then I have a miss and then I'm out.
- 6:00When I sit down with them and we start talking about the riding, then the therapy part of me comes in because I can go below the surface of what they're saying and what starts bubbling up and the expression
- 6:20I've started using is it's never about the horse.
- 6:23You know, it's about they just filed for divorce or they just, you know, their child is sick or, you know, they've got a lot going on at work and they don't know how they can get it all done.
- 6:38My one of the first clients I tested my theory on could not get her horse literally in the end gate.
- 6:46And once she got the horse in the end gate, she couldn't get the horse to the first fence.
- 6:51And so I walked over to the trainer and said, hey, do you mind if I talk to your client and see if I can see what happens?
- 6:59And we went in the tack room and did an hour and a half session in the tack room.
- 7:05Never met her before in my life.
- 7:07And the whole thing that she had going on was she was a high level executive in marketing and she was a perfectionist.
- 7:17And she was more concerned about being perfect than riding the horse.
- 7:22And we cleared it and the next day she jumped a clear round.
- 7:25When a rider is thinking something like, okay, I can't, I can't get past this sort of like the scenario that you just explained.
- 7:32And I'm doing everything that I'm being told to do.
- 7:34And in a scenario like that or even in that particular session, how did you help them understand what else might need attention?
- 7:43So like, you worked out that, you know, that she was a perfectionist.
- 7:46How did, how, what was your advice to her?
- 7:48To kind of calm that down, you know, is not the proper term.
- 7:54But yeah.
- 7:55So as a therapist, I don't give advice.
- 7:57And when you're doing an EMDR session, it's, it's what's coming up in.
- 8:05So emdr.
- 8:06Can I back up and kind of explain emdr?
- 8:08Yeah, I think that would be great.
- 8:10Okay, so it stands for eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing, which is a big word.
- 8:17So basically what that means is a bilateral movement that you, that most.
- 8:22It was mostly starts with your eyes.
- 8:25And if people can't do the eye movement, there are different ways you can do it.
- 8:28You want a bilateral movement.
- 8:31So what you do is you go in and target a memory so you can, you still remember the event, but what it, what it stops is the fight, flight or freeze.
- 8:45Does that make sense?
- 8:47Very much so.
- 8:48Okay, so when you're in an EMDR session, what starts coming up, like, with this woman was, you know, I'm really afraid that I'm.
- 9:00That I'm not going to do this well, because I didn't do XYZ well, you know, so that.
- 9:06That's where her fight or flight is coming from.
- 9:09So her body goes into the freeze motion.
- 9:12So she's not even thinking about riding.
- 9:14She's not thinking about anything other than I have to be perfect.
- 9:17Right.
- 9:18So when we cleared that, she was able to go and do what she had been taught to do by her trainer, which.
- 9:25Which was ride your horse and enjoy it.
- 9:28And she came out with this huge grin on her face, like, you know, that's so incredible.
- 9:33Well, the first thing that I thought about when you were talking was about trot jumps.
- 9:39So my horse had.
- 9:40And I were.
- 9:41Were good.
- 9:41We.
- 9:42We were solid at the trot jumps.
- 9:43Had it in the bag where other people would be stressed, and that was not a problem.
- 9:47And then we went to Pennsylvania national, and we were in indoors, and the handy.
- 9:54We went to the handy, and the last jump was a trot jump.
- 9:56And I was like, okay, I'm like, I'm solid.
- 9:59My.
- 9:59I felt like my nerves had calmed down.
- 10:01And that was my.
- 10:01It's my favorite class.
- 10:03And we come over around the corner to the trot jump, and somehow we had this just very weird miscommunication with one another, and I went ass over tea kettle.
- 10:14Very funny, I might add, because it was at the opposite end of the ring, so I had to.
- 10:19I had to walk all.
- 10:20Anyways, it was a whole thing.
- 10:22Yes.
- 10:24Like, and my whole, like, office where I work is watching me on the live stream.
- 10:29I was like, oh, my God.
- 10:31So moving on from that, I, like, had this block because every time I saw a trot jump, I was like, oh, my God, we're not gonna.
- 10:39He's gonna stutter, and I'm gonna stutter.
- 10:41And now we're not in sync anymore.
- 10:42Now I have the trot jump problem.
- 10:44And that was the first thing I thought about.
- 10:46I was like, oh, she could.
- 10:47She could help me with this.
- 10:48That's.
- 10:49That's exactly what I'm talking about.
- 10:50Because your brain remembers every second, like, blip, blip, blip.
- 10:55Of that, I think it was interesting, like, when you said it doesn't have to do, like, it doesn't have to do with your horse.
- 11:01You know, it's.
- 11:02There's something because he.
- 11:04He doesn't seem stressed about it, but I think that he is stressed about it, because I'm stressed about it.
- 11:09So I.
- 11:09I know for a fact that I'm inadvertently doing something while, like, you know, I'm starting to stutter stuff.
- 11:16And he's just listening to.
- 11:18To the cues that I'm giving him, and he's like, okay, lady, what are you doing?
- 11:23So let's go back for a second now and incorporate that into just regular, like, how counseling versus mental skills kind of helps people.
- 11:35Like, if somebody is going through a difficult time and they feel like horses are the one thing that's keeping them going, how does writing fit into to the work when it's one of the most important things that's helping
- 11:50them, but they're obviously anxious about it?
- 11:54If you were working with me, we would probably just have a normal counseling session of tell me about what's going on in your life, what brings you here, and you get answers from A to Z.
- 12:09You know, I missed.
- 12:10I missed.
- 12:11I missed, and I suck.
- 12:13Yes.
- 12:14Yes.
- 12:15And you're, you know, you're a great example.
- 12:17I suck.
- 12:18So we would probably have a session before we ever even did EMDR on, why do you think you suck?
- 12:25Tell me about, Tell me about other areas in your life that, you know, you feel like you suck at.
- 12:33Right?
- 12:34I don't.
- 12:35I just missed.
- 12:37Oh, my God.
- 12:38You know, so we kind of explore that, because what I'm doing as a therapist is I'm listening.
- 12:45So I call myself a professional listener.
- 12:49And not.
- 12:49I'm only.
- 12:50Am I a professional listener?
- 12:52I'm also a professional secret keeper.
- 12:55Because people say, can I tell you something?
- 12:57And you promise you won't tell anybody?
- 12:59And I was like, that's what I do for a living.
- 13:01I'm a professional secret keeper.
- 13:03You know, that's my job.
- 13:05That's my job, you know, But I'm also a professional listener.
- 13:09So while we're talking, I'm listening, and it's in my mind.
- 13:13It's like putting a puzzle together.
- 13:14I go, there's a piece and there's a piece, and there's a piece, and it starts coming out.
- 13:20And then I could take that and say, so what I'm hearing from you is you don't feel comfortable at the barn you're at, or there's a certain person at the barn who's driving you crazy, and they make you
- 13:37feel bad about yourself.
- 13:39So when you leave the barn, you're.
- 13:42You're.
- 13:42You're not feeling good about yourself.
- 13:44So your words are, I suck.
- 13:47And that's what you repeat.
- 13:48So you begin to believe It, I mean, that's kind of a general, you know, or you learn what's going on at home.
- 13:56You know, there could be trouble at home, but if we're talking horses, the barn can be a stressful place, you know, if it's not a good fit for a lot of riders.
- 14:10So, Ann, once you have a better understanding of what's going on or, you know, you've had your initial appointment and you get to know your client a little bit better, what does working together look like?
- 14:23I mean, and I'm sure that there's a variety of, you know, ways that you do that.
- 14:28But is, does it look like multiple sessions?
- 14:30Does it look like long term?
- 14:33Is it a little bit of both?
- 14:35Somebody's working through a specific issue and.
- 14:36Then that's that it can be all of the above.
- 14:40So it can be, you know, it may take a couple of sessions to get to know each other or like.
- 14:46Or it can be like the girl that I pulled out of the ring and said, hey, let's try this.
- 14:50And it worked.
- 14:51But sometimes it takes two or three sessions, maybe one once a week, or if we're at a horse show, you know, one a day or something like that, and then, then we do it.
- 15:05And it's client driven.
- 15:07Sure.
- 15:08They have to be comfortable, you know, they have to get comfortable with me.
- 15:12They have to understand the process.
- 15:14You know, are we a good fit?
- 15:16So is every bit of it is client driven?
- 15:19And so once, you know, we reach an agreement of, yes, I think we're a good fit, and they think I'm a good fit.
- 15:26And, you know, I'll explain what the EMDR is, how it works.
- 15:32The first question people ask me is, are you hypnotizing me?
- 15:37It is not hypnosis.
- 15:39It is not.
- 15:40You're, you know, it is a evidence based intervention.
- 15:44That's a clinical term.
- 15:46And I'm very careful to explain to them because we're going into that part of your brain and nervous.
- 15:53It is going to affect your nervous system.
- 15:56So you're going to feel what you feel in that moment.
- 16:00So I call it that oh, shit moment, you know, where you either come out of the corner and.
- 16:06And you know, you're dead wrong.
- 16:08And it's just, oh, shit, this is not going to end well.
- 16:11Or you're flying through the air and you're thinking, oh, this is going to hurt.
- 16:16You know, I have freaking, oh, moments.
- 16:19Out of the corner.
- 16:19I go, oh, that's not working.
- 16:23You know, so your body, your brain is recording all of that.
- 16:29So that's what we're, we're trying to pick up on.
- 16:32So there has to be a of lot level of belief in me that they're safe with me and that they understand that, you know, that nothing's going to hurt them.
- 16:43They can stop anytime they want to.
- 16:45They're in complete control of the session.
- 16:48You know, they can get halfway into it and be like, whoa, I need out.
- 16:52And then we de escalate because you will feel the emotions because that's what your brain has recorded and, and that's what we're clearing.
- 17:01So that's kind of how the session works.
- 17:05I find that fascinating.
- 17:06Did that answer your question?
- 17:08It did.
- 17:08I'm just, this is so up my alley of things that I love learning about.
- 17:13And anyways, I'm just very fascinated.
- 17:17You can be on the million dollar horse and if you tend.
- 17:22The trick is when you get, when you go into trauma mode, your horse is the first person that feels it.
- 17:31Because if you get on with your heart racing, if you're sitting at the end gate with your heart racing, the horse already knows it, right?
- 17:39Right.
- 17:40Oh, yeah, for sure.
- 17:41So the EMDR takes the racing heart out of it.
- 17:46So you're still calm.
- 17:48You may be thinking about it, but there's no traumatic reaction to it.
- 17:52So your horse isn't picking up on it.
- 17:54So you're both quiet and calm.
- 17:59It is.
- 18:00I just saw an article about that too, where they were saying that horses are so sensitive that they even understand barn drama.
- 18:08Like when you're upset about something happening in your barn, they know it.
- 18:15That's crazy.
- 18:16So imagine getting on top of it to go in and they're going, mama's not happy, right?
- 18:24So something's wrong.
- 18:26There's something to be scared of because she's scared.
- 18:29So I'm going to be scared.
- 18:31So if you were collaborating or working with a rider's like team of people, let's say, and, and a trainer came to you and said one of those, you know, gave that scenario.
- 18:41I, I have tried and tried this and I can't seem to, to, to make that happen or change the way that he or she is riding.
- 18:50How does that work with you?
- 18:52But also keeping, you know, the privacy of the client, I mean, I know you're not going to go and share what you speak about, but is, is how does, how would a collaboration like that work?
- 19:05So it is client driven.
- 19:07She can, she, he can reach out to me privately.
- 19:12We can do a session.
- 19:14And I can't speak to anybody about anything unless she, the Writer gives me permission and they have to sign a release of information to do it.
- 19:26So like Elizabeth, if I met with you, no one would know and let.
- 19:30You can tell anybody you want to, but, you know, and you and I are friends, so it'd be weird if I didn't speak to you.
- 19:38If I saw you at horse shows, it would be weird.
- 19:41Oh my God.
- 19:41Elizabeth would be in like super flight mode at that point.
- 19:44She'd be like, oh my God, Anne's not talking to me.
- 19:46What did I do?
- 19:47But if it's somebody that I don't know, well, I can't approach them unless they approach me first.
- 19:55But, but I explained that at the beginning of the session of.
- 19:59This is confidential, so I can't come up to you like normal clients I have.
- 20:03If I see them in the grocery store, I have to walk right by them.
- 20:06If they speak to me.
- 20:08That's right.
- 20:09I can speak back.
- 20:10Okay, well, this seems appropriate, but you know, we've got finals and indoors coming up and so it seemed like a particularly good time to talk about expectations.
- 20:22You've worked to qualify, you've arranged everything, you've spent a ton of money, it's something you wanted, but now you feel like everything has to go very well.
- 20:34So how do you help somebody sort out what they want from that experience and what they feel that they owe everybody else?
- 20:44That's a great question.
- 20:45That's, I mean that's, that's so multi leveled.
- 20:49Right, right.
- 20:50You know, so where do we start?
- 20:52Do we start with the juniors and the equitation, you know, where their parents have paid a gazillion dollars for a horse and mom and dad are going, what do you mean?
- 21:01You didn't get a ribbon in that class.
- 21:02Right?
- 21:03Or here we are at finals and you know, so the pressure, they're in a pressure cooker.
- 21:09You've got the adult amateurs that are high level professionals that are, you know, they can run a corporation and they're used to high stress and you know, they're getting ready to go when, you know, to the finals and
- 21:21they can't figure out why they're freaking out when they go.
- 21:25I run a corp and you know, I'm, you know, but that's, that's where we have to get down to what's really going on here.
- 21:34So speaking of parents, they obviously have a lot invested in their children and they want them to do well, but they also want them to enjoy it.
- 21:45So how can a parent tell when their encouragement is starting to feel like.
- 21:50Pressure if they get quiet.
- 21:52Or if they're mood changes or they quit eating or, you know, they get.
- 21:58They back off, away, you know, because they're, they're athletes and parents jobs.
- 22:04My daughter was a Division 1 soccer player and from the morning of the soccer game to the game was over, I was dead quiet.
- 22:13I didn't say good luck.
- 22:14I didn't.
- 22:15You know, my job was to be the parent, right?
- 22:18So if I, if I was a trainer in a barn, there'd be no parents allowed in the barn.
- 22:23No parents allow, you know, show day anywhere around them, you know, because all it takes is one comment.
- 22:30But that, that would be my style.
- 22:32Oh, I come.
- 22:33I'd come to that barn.
- 22:34Or, you know, they can send them a text.
- 22:36Good luck, we love you.
- 22:37Have fun.
- 22:38Right?
- 22:39That's, you know, they need, you know, they don't need.
- 22:42And if they screw up, the last thing they need is the look on the trainer's face when they come out of the ring and the parents going, finish the dialogue, right?
- 22:51It's just.
- 22:52And then that's when they're going to call me and God, I'll never want to do this again.
- 22:55I hate it.
- 22:55I don't enjoy it.
- 22:56I just want to trail ride, you know, because it creates burnout, right?
- 23:00It's the fun.
- 23:01The fun is going in there and doing.
- 23:03Jumping around.
- 23:04So what, what do you say when.
- 23:07When I come out and I say I suck, or what do you say when a kid has a bad round and they come out and they're really upset and they're crying and all that stuff?
- 23:15I mean, it's hard to know what to say to people.
- 23:19Where do you even start with that?
- 23:21It's hard.
- 23:21I mean, it's hard, right?
- 23:23So, you know, I think you need to get.
- 23:25So when you come out and, you know, you and Celine have botched a line, right?
- 23:31And you come out and, you know, do you want anybody to talk to you in that moment or do you just kind of need to walk back to the barn and, you know, have the conversation with yourself and
- 23:41then are you ready to talk to somebody?
- 23:43Everybody's different.
- 23:44Yeah.
- 23:44Sad.
- 23:45Sadly for me, since I already knew that I did it, I usually come out and go, sorry, sorry.
- 23:53Like, oops, sorry.
- 23:55But there's a lot of people that just come out in tears and they're inc.
- 24:00Unconsolable.
- 24:01Well, I think, I think what's interesting and about some of the things that you've said is like, you know, you're like, I'm not giving advice, but you probably in your expertise can read so much from just watching how
- 24:15things unfold as someone comes out of the ring and how they're reacting.
- 24:18That probably could, if they came to you, could guide so much of.
- 24:22Of.
- 24:22Yes, the conversation.
- 24:24I feel like.
- 24:25Yes, yes.
- 24:26And that's.
- 24:27Yeah, you've got to know what's going on in the person's head.
- 24:29You know.
- 24:30You know, it's.
- 24:31You've got to know your students.
- 24:32Right.
- 24:33You've got to know your client.
- 24:35Someone to be left alone and walk it off.
- 24:38You know, some of them want to hug and encouragement of, you know.
- 24:42Yep.
- 24:43Let's talk.
- 24:43Are you ready to talk about what happened or you want to watch the video?
- 24:47We can talk about it and work.
- 24:49So I don't know if.
- 24:50I don't think we.
- 24:51Elizabeth might know.
- 24:52I don't.
- 24:52So I'm going to just ask.
- 24:53So you were saying people can call you, make appointments, go to your website, that kind of thing.
- 24:58So are you frequently at horse shows to assist clients at events and things like that, or is it mostly on the phone or, you know, FaceTime?
- 25:07It's both.
- 25:08I'm right here in Tryon, you know, very cool.
- 25:10I'm right.
- 25:11I'm on the grounds, you know, I'm asking for, for a spot there.
- 25:16Very.
- 25:16I told her she needs to have a peanuts booth and Lucy and put the 5 cent side up and say.
- 25:23Ann is in today and I'm going to ask him for one of those.
- 25:26Not.
- 25:27But I mean, it's got to be.
- 25:28It's got to be a way private.
- 25:30It's got to be private.
- 25:31But I am going to ask him.
- 25:32If I.
- 25:32I think that is so cool.
- 25:34Yeah.
- 25:34But, you know, we'll find a spot, a quiet spot where they feel comfortable.
- 25:40I think that, that it's, it's, it's very exciting that, that you're doing this and I think that it's so cool that you're in Tryon.
- 25:48You're right there in the middle of a lot of horse shows, a lot of different disciplines and a lot of things that are going on all at the same time.
- 25:56And just because your background is hunter jumper doesn't mean that you don't know a lot about every other discipline.
- 26:03So I really appreciate you joining us and I know that obviously people can find you@whentheridechanges.com but would you say that's the best place to start?
- 26:17Yes.
- 26:17Yeah.
- 26:18Yes, I would start there.
- 26:19And I usually respond within the same day or at the latest the next day, depending on how busy I am.
- 26:27So thank you.
- 26:28Thank you for everything you've done.
- 26:30You're welcome.
- 26:32So until next week.
- 26:33Let's ride.