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Are You Having Too Much Sex? · Secrets They'll Only Tell a Matchmaker with Gina Hendrix

0:05
Welcome to Secrets from a Billionaire's Matchmaker with
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matchmaker Gina Hendricks. Well, hello there.
0:14
Welcome to another show. Oh, boy.
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We're going to have some fun today.
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I'm Gina Hendricks. I'm a matchmaker.
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I've been a personal, private matchmaker to some of the most
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eligible men in the world since 2008.
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Holy moly. Time just flies.
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And out of that Intel, instead of gatekeeping, I decided to
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share it with all of you. So I've learned so much.
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I have a pH D in men and dating just from being a family on the
0:42
wall all these years. So you get the benefit of all
0:45
that, right? So out of it has also come
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another part of my business beyond matchmaking because I
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only do matchmaking for men, as you know, at a very high level.
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And I only work for 7 to 8 guys ever at one time.
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Because in my opinion, I think matchmaking should be very small
1:03
and boutique because otherwise you're not going to really know
1:05
the people you're working with. You're not going to know who
1:07
you're setting up. And, and it becomes this runaway
1:09
train. So I have a very small boutique
1:12
business working with men all around the world.
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And it's, it's pretty fabulous. But out of that has come this
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other side where I get to help you ladies through the various,
1:21
you know, programs I've offered over the years.
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And now I just launched my one in a million woman Advantage.
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So that's there. I don't call it a program.
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I don't call it coaching because it's so much more.
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It's like a 360° immersive experience where I'm just
1:36
resetting everything you need for dating.
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So anyway, it's all of that. But I do do these weekly power
1:42
hours and from that is this show.
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So we slice and dice, we edit, we protect people's names when
1:48
necessary and any personal details.
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So when you hear things that sound like, hang on, that was a
1:53
little editing flub or skit, that's intentional.
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We're always here to give you the good advice, but also giving
2:01
you the freedom to just lay it all out.
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OK, So let's not wait another minute.
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This is going to be a good spicy show.
2:09
Are you ready? I am.
2:10
Let's do this. I just wanted to say thank you
2:14
for everything. And like last time around, at
2:18
our last session last week, I had asked a question via the
2:22
chat about somebody who wasn't coming through with actual plans
2:26
even though they'd mentioned the date, but that person did.
2:29
It was great. I'm not sure we're going to like
2:32
we're exactly on the same level like life wise, but the date was
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fantastic. So basically you had really
2:39
coached about kind of how to initiate the conversation so
2:43
that I didn't discount somebody who ultimately there was a great
2:47
date. And your advice for everything
2:49
is spot on. Like you need to have your jobs
2:51
on the profile when you like look at them.
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If it's not there, that person usually is not legit.
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Everything is awesome. So thank you.
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Wow, that means a lot to me. Thank you so much.
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And weren't you thinking, I think if memory serves me
3:03
correct, weren't you thinking of like pulling the plug on the
3:07
date all together? Yes, I was.
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See, you know what's funny? It's like, these are things like
3:13
I would have done the same thing you guys are want to do back in
3:16
the day before I had my matchmaking.
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But you know, having my matchmaking, then seeing what
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men do, like actually seeing it from behind the scene gives me
3:25
just a whole different perspective.
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So great. I'm glad.
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I'm glad it worked. And yeah, I've learned a lot.
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I wish I knew this stuff back in my 20s and 30s, but oh, well, I
3:34
know it now. And now I can share it with you
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guys. Well, thank you so much for the
3:38
compliment. Keep them coming, ladies.
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Never gets old. I love it.
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Thank you so much. That means that really, truly
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means a lot to me. I appreciate it.
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So, sex. Let's talk about sex.
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Can you can you have too much sex?
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And what? What happens if he's a horny
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horn dog? I love this.
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All right, let's dive in. This is a question about sex.
3:59
OK. Can I ask that?
4:01
Yes. Spicy A couple times ago I was,
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you know, on this call and I was at somebody else's house and I,
4:11
I think I told you, I've got a, a friend who I've known for a
4:15
while in Park City who's kind of stepped up and wanted to be more
4:18
than a friend. And.
4:21
He does check a lot of boxes. He's a quiet, quality man.
4:24
He's always treated me nicely but it hasn't been more romantic
4:28
until recently. But and and I've gone on trips
4:33
with him now and I he wants to have sex all the freaking time
4:37
like 3 * a day. Well.
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All the time. Like I'm there with him for five
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days, wants it all the time. I'm 64.
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Like OK, great, it's nice that you find me attractive.
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He says the nicest things about how great my body is, blah blah,
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all that, but it's just too freaking much like.
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Right. Is that he's like, well, you
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know, if you're going away with someone for, you know, a long
5:04
weekend or whatever, that's kind of normal.
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Like, I don't feel like that's that's.
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How I'm not How old? How old is he?
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60. So he's younger, yeah.
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Is he on anything? No.
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You know, have you asked him? Yeah, we've talked about that.
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Interesting. So I mean, it's totally
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flattering. I mean, I, so when it comes to
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that stuff, I, I'm curious what the other ladies will say about
5:33
this because I don't know, I, I, I that part.
5:38
Like I like spending time with him, but if our needs are that
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far different and like. And I felt like I like sex as
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much as the next person. But just like, enough already.
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Let's go for a hike. I mean.
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And, and we do do that, but I, I just feel like he may be a
5:57
little over sex, over my taste. And, you know, I was 37 before I
6:03
got married. I had plenty of sex with plenty
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of different guys before I got married.
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And but it was never like that even in the my youngest years
6:12
with the, you know, most sexually charged men.
6:17
Right. I mean, yeah, you're right.
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I mean, in a way it could be considered a quality problem.
6:22
But yeah, maybe he's just over. Does he, does he watch porn or
6:26
anything like that? Do you know?
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He does. I don't know that he does it
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like all the time when I'm not there, but he's just.
6:36
Like hyper sexualized maybe. Yeah.
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I mean, you know, listen, here's what I say to you guys.
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You know, there's different phases and stages that you hit
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in the in this whole dating process where you're
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discovering. Are we compatible?
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You know, and just because everything looks right, you
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know, in the first couple of months, you're going to get to a
6:55
place where you go do is is our fighting is our is our fighting
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or disagreements are compatible in that way.
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Are we compatible sexually? Da da, da.
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And this sadly might be one of those things where you're not,
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you're not compatible because part of me wonders, and again, I
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don't know for sure, right? So we're just just debating it.
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But part of me wonders if you're with a man who's just so hyper
7:20
sexualized and and you're not on that same page, is he going to
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eventually want to get more elsewhere to get those needs
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met? You know, and, and also who
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wants to, you know, constantly be turning somebody down when
7:36
they want it and just be, I don't know, I'm annoyed with it.
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So you know that that would be a lot.
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That would be a lot. And does he seem to like when
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you say like, oh, have you? And so of course you've had
7:49
these conversations. I can tell by what you've said
7:51
here. So saying like, Hey, you know,
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this is a lot for me or whatever I'm sure you said.
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Does how does he react? Does he does he say, Oh, you're
7:58
right, let's go do something else?
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Or does he try to like, talk you into it?
8:04
I mean, we do a lot of let's go do something.
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We do a lot of other stuff as well.
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It's not like, you know, for five hours.
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But yeah, it's like, you know, I just got to, I'm all dressed.
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I've just got showered and ready to go.
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You want to do something before we go?
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Like can't we do it after we go? I don't know.
8:27
I mean, we've, we've had. But by little, when you when you
8:29
say that, then what would he say?
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Yeah. Trying to convince me, you know,
8:36
playfully and you know, sometimes he does and sometimes
8:43
he doesn't. But to me it feels like all that
8:48
is really like it's all feels recreational.
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It doesn't feel tender and loving like I don't feel like we
8:56
make. Love I see it.
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Was like at this point in the, you know, and I felt like, well,
9:02
OK, so it was friends, friends plus benefits.
9:05
Now we're seeing if it's more than just friends and plus
9:08
benefits. But it just feels like he
9:12
doesn't understand what intimacy really is.
9:16
Although he will tell me that he craves intimacy and that's what
9:20
he was lacking in his marriage. They had sex but not intimacy.
9:23
But I don't think he knows what that is.
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I would have a conversation with him about that.
9:27
So his nickname because we always like to give these guys
9:30
nicknames because I'll never remember John, Bob, Fred or
9:34
Larry. So, but I will remember the
9:37
circus clown, the Dennis, the gynecologist, the coach, the
9:44
lab, the detective, or in this case, the horn dog.
9:47
All right, so this guy will be forever named the horn dog.
9:51
So keep me posted on what happens as I know you will.
9:54
All right, next question, I'm going to read a question here.
9:58
And it's it's all about talking about not getting the details on
10:03
a date. And also I'm going to dive into
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getting back like when somebody doesn't get back to you soon
10:08
enough because these are scenarios that I hear quite a
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bit, right? So let's start with this
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question and I'm going to read it to you.
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I was supposed to go on a date. The date was clearly decided on.
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Guy said he would pick restaurant and now it's two days
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prior. How do I get out of this
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politely? Normally all guys clearly say
10:26
date, time and location. OK, so I don't know why you're
10:29
trying to get out of it. So why are you trying to get out
10:32
of it? Because he hasn't given you the
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info. I wouldn't, I wouldn't get that
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dramatic about it to be honest with you.
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I'd literally, I'd literally just shoot him a text and say,
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hey, John, Steve, Fred, Ted. Hey, just checking in.
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Do you have details for our date Thursday night or Friday night
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or whatever it is and just leave it at that.
10:53
Because some guys, and I've had this happen in my matchmaking
10:56
business where my guys are bringing their A game, but some
11:00
guys get busy. Like, I had a scenario once
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where it doesn't happen often, but it happens.
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So you got to give people wiggle room and it's OK.
11:08
I wouldn't be offended. I wouldn't be upset in the
11:09
slightest. In fact, I know women who, you
11:12
know, it's the day before and they, so they're like, Gina, I
11:15
haven't heard any. I said, yeah, just send him a
11:16
text. Hey, do you have the details?
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He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had it happen in my
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matchmaking business a couple of years ago where my client,
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because he was going to San Francisco from LA to meet her.
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So he coordinated all the details on his own.
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Typically I do for a first date, but he did.
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And, and he was already in contact with the girl.
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They were also talking and stuff, which normally doesn't
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happen when I'm coordinating it. They're here.
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But if there's distance, you know, anyway, so they were kind
11:43
of doing their own thing. So it was the day before the
11:46
date, I think it was the day before the date and she texted
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me and she was furious. And she's like, I haven't heard
11:53
from him. This is ridiculous.
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I thought he was going to make a plan, blah, blah, blah, blah,
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blah. And then I was all wound up too,
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you know, So I reach out to him and I'm like, hey, it's like
12:02
what happened? Like like you were supposed to
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make a plan to so go. Oh my gosh, you know, I already
12:07
made a plan. I have all the details.
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I have the restaurant booked. He said, I, I, he said, I'm
12:12
sorry, I just got busy. I was, my plan was to reach out
12:15
to her and give her the info, you know, I guess, I guess soon.
12:19
But I was like, yeah. And so anyway, so I tried to
12:22
talk her down from the ledge. I was able to talk her down from
12:25
the ledge and they went out, but she kind of still had like her
12:28
bristles up. So it just didn't, didn't go
12:31
well because she couldn't get over it.
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But I think you guys get upset about stuff way too soon.
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Honestly. I do.
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And I would tell you cuz I'm one of the most hardcore people
12:39
you've ever got it made about stuff like that.
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But I've just learned so much about men from having this
12:43
business. It's not an insult to you.
12:46
It doesn't not exciting, excited to meet you.
12:48
It's not it honestly, it doesn't.
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I think one of the biggest mistakes both people, men and
12:52
women make in the early stages of dating, especially when
12:55
you've not even met them yet, that that people have things
12:58
going on in their lives and it has nothing to do with you.
13:02
It's not an insult to you at all.
13:04
And so I just think we go off the deep end, but way too soon.
13:08
I think even when you know, you guys haven't heard from them,
13:11
when you're in the early chatting phases in the app and
13:13
you didn't hear back in 24 hours, you just want to unmatch
13:17
them. I, it's, that's, that's a little
13:19
going off the deep end in my opinion.
13:21
I think again, like there's extenuating circumstances.
13:24
I've had to talk some of my male clients, especially when they're
13:27
super rich and have plenty of time on their hands.
13:30
If somebody doesn't get back to them.
13:32
And this doesn't happen often, but I've had a couple spoiled
13:34
ones where you know, they just like, and then see those guys
13:38
didn't know that I knew what was personally going on in the
13:41
woman's life and there was a reason why she didn't get back
13:44
and had nothing to do with them. So that's one of the biggest
13:47
things I've actually learned. In fact, I should do a TikTok
13:49
video about that soon. But that's one of the biggest
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things I've learned from a matchmaking business is that we,
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you, you guys take things, both men and women personalize it too
13:59
soon and stuff a lot of times has nothing to do with you.
14:02
People have so many things going on in their lives.
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OK, ladies, I'm going to now step down from my soapbox.
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Got a little carried away, but I hope that you found that
14:13
information helpful because boom, I gave it all to you.
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OK, so next we're going to move on and, and my and my buddy here
14:22
is going to read to me or tell me about a situation where I
14:25
guess somebody posted something that's happening she was telling
14:30
you about in the community or something.
14:32
Can you tell us more? I do want to get this this
14:36
situation all sorted out. There's a, there was a situation
14:40
in the community where one of the ladies had met a really nice
14:44
guy on a plane and she shares that it's he's successful,
14:50
smart, he has a, he had his 10 year old daughter with him and
14:55
was very sweet to her and caring.
14:57
And they started chatting and he asked for her number and they
15:02
have since been on two dates. And she also shared that he's
15:07
legally separated in the process of an early divorce.
15:11
My understanding is is that your suggestion is if they're if
15:17
they're not legally divorced. Right.
15:19
You don't go out, you don't start anything until.
15:22
I agree. Yeah.
15:23
No, I no. That's that's what I that's what
15:26
I. Shared.
15:27
They were both coming back from a ski trip, not, you know, they
15:30
didn't meet on the ski trip, but from the same place and that he
15:33
likes to ski, she likes to snowboard and, and he has he
15:39
asked her to go away next, you know, for a weekend and to do
15:47
some skiing. And you know, my, my feedback to
15:52
her was it seemed like a little soon and that it's really
15:55
important, you know that about what you said about really, if
16:00
he's not, if he's not divorced yet, you might want to just back
16:04
off a little. They haven't filed for divorce
16:06
yet. They're in discussions to.
16:08
Finalize stuff, you know, again, everything I talk about is
16:12
literally pulled from most 90 percent, 99%, I don't know,
16:16
somewhere between 90 and 99% up for my matchmaking business and
16:20
what I've encountered with men and what I know.
16:22
So I mean, I know that sometimes divorces and a lot of you ladies
16:27
can know know this too, probably from your own divorces.
16:29
Divorces can take a very, very, very long time and you know, and
16:34
at the end of it, sometimes rarely, but sometimes they go
16:38
back together. They people get back together.
16:40
I've had it happen even in my matchmaking business with
16:42
someone very, very well known. And and so I think, you know,
16:47
it's, it's a gamble. That's the only thing.
16:50
So to date somebody who's not legally divorced is a gamble on
16:53
your part. Although, you know, anything
16:55
about dating is kind of always a gamble.
16:56
But if he doesn't have that clarity that complete severed,
17:02
he's footloose and fancy free, it's just you could be
17:06
potentially wasting your time. And I'd rather my advice is just
17:10
to take the safer bet, the safer route, because why not?
17:14
If we have two routes, we could take the gamble or we could take
17:16
a safer route. Why not?
17:18
Why wouldn't I encourage you to take a safer route?
17:20
So I always say make sure that they are absolutely legally
17:23
divorced. And if you like them and they
17:25
like you, you could say, hey, I like you a lot.
17:27
But you know, I just in my experience, and, and it's a
17:31
policy that I made for myself, I really don't date anybody until
17:34
they're legally divorced. So when that happens, if you
17:36
want to circle back to me, you know, if I'm still single and
17:39
and you're now single, I would love to see you again, you know,
17:41
and leave it at that. And then I think if a man's
17:44
going to ask you to go away on a trip and it's early on and
17:48
you're not sleeping together yet, a lot of times these guys
17:50
are doing that to kind of advance it sexually because
17:54
they're men. They're down in dirty dirt dogs,
17:56
as I like to say. But.
17:58
And then, yeah, you absolutely say, hey, I'd love to go away
18:01
with you if you want to go away with them, right?
18:03
If you do, then just say. But I would just, you know, I
18:06
hope you don't mind. I would like for you to get me
18:08
my own room. And hopefully he respects that.
18:11
He gets you your own room. You know what I mean?
18:13
No matter what he says, like, oh, well, I'm not planning on
18:16
sleeping, trying to sleep with you.
18:17
Yeah, fine. Because here's the thing.
18:18
When you get your own room, you can poop in your own room.
18:22
OK. You can get ready in your own
18:25
room. He doesn't have to see behind
18:27
the curtain of things. So when you shack up with him
18:29
too soon and you're in in the room, it while it may not be
18:32
about sex, it also is is about still maintaining a little bit
18:37
of veil of privacy that you need.
18:39
OK, so let's just close the loop on all of this, right?
18:43
Number one, always make sure that they're legally divorced.
18:47
And you can always say, you know, how long have you been
18:50
legally divorced? You got to use those words, OK.
18:53
And it's really important because you don't want to waste
18:56
time on somebody that's not because I can drag out for
18:58
years. All right #2 take away #2 going
19:01
away with him too soon. You don't want to do this.
19:05
This could put you in a very awkward position.
19:07
And if it comes to a point where you have been dating him and
19:10
it's the first time you're going away, I would still recommend
19:13
and it's perfectly fine to ask to get your own room.
19:18
OK, so moving on. This next bit is about long
19:23
distance dating, and this is I'm going to share with you in a
19:27
minute how I feel about some boundaries here.
19:31
I have a contender, he's a chiropractor down in Dallas and
19:36
that I've been talking to. We really hit it off.
19:39
I like him a lot. We've we've just spoken over the
19:42
phone a couple of times and it's kind of getting to that point
19:45
where we decide when and how we're going to kind of meet.
19:48
And he has mentioned coming up. So I'm kind of hoping that might
19:51
be the, the default, but we've also talked about me coming down
19:54
there. So I, my question is, I know in
19:58
the past we've talked about having the men like pay for our
20:01
plane tickets and our hotels and stuff like that.
20:06
I, I was wondering, does that still apply for him paying
20:11
everything for me to Kyle? Because it's a little different
20:14
for me flying from Kyle, Alaska than say flying from like
20:16
Dallas. We're talking like a potentially
20:19
4 to $800. Plane ticket and hotel and it's
20:23
almost like flying me in like from Europe for somebody who's
20:26
not like super rich, you know, he does well for himself.
20:29
But do I still expect him to pay for everything if I do end up
20:33
going down to Dallas? Or would it be reasonable for me
20:36
to pay for part and him to pay for part?
20:38
I do want him to have skin in the game though for sure of.
20:40
Course that that's tricky. It's a good question and it's
20:44
tricky. I'm I'm trying to think right
20:46
now as well. So normally what I do is I think
20:49
as as my clients and my clients of course are very wealthy.
20:53
So they spring for everything. But like me as a person, you
20:57
know, I don't ever I don't, I don't really date those private
21:00
plane guy. I mean I don't really date.
21:02
I've got all these animals. 9:00 AM No am I kidding?
21:05
But anyway, but if it were me and I am kind of the type of
21:09
person, you know, it's interesting, 'cause you know, my
21:12
whole audience has been built on the, the men I work with for
21:16
matchmaking, which doesn't reflect me as an actual person
21:19
like me. I've never.
21:21
And now, Now if I went back in time, maybe I'd change things,
21:24
but. You know.
21:25
Back in the day, I've never been somebody.
21:27
I wouldn't be somebody who let's let's them pay for things.
21:29
I would feel bad. But know what I know now about
21:33
men? I, I, I would not, I absolutely
21:38
would not pay half. I wouldn't ask.
21:40
I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
21:42
I just wouldn't. Be kind of sit back and just
21:44
kind of wait and see what he comes up with.
21:46
I think he would probably I think he does want to meet so he
21:49
may end up defaulting the coming but that.
21:51
Would be ideal because also I really recommend the ladies
21:55
going out of their comfort zone for pro state anyway you know?
21:59
Says he'd he'd like to come and stuff like that.
22:01
So I think tonight we might talk and I'll start kind of
22:04
encouraging that and see kind of the direction the conversation
22:07
takes too. Yeah, that would that I would do
22:09
that. I mean, I do know being an
22:11
Alaskan is challenging, I think. Did we say this before that when
22:14
I was a flight attendant, we used to say, you know, the odds
22:17
are good, but the goods are odd, kind of.
22:18
Thing Oh my God, it's so true up here.
22:22
But anyway, so, so yeah, I, I get, I get the temptation to
22:26
want to like, you know, meet him halfway because he's a good guy
22:30
and it's so rare when they come along.
22:32
But, but I, I, you know, I think even if you want to do that, I
22:38
don't want you to bring it up. Let's, let's see how he handles
22:41
it. Put it on him.
22:43
He'll ask, he'll say, he'll initiate a conversation, you
22:47
know? I think he's a type that will,
22:49
he is kind of a, you know, he's kind of a, I think he's a kind
22:54
of a masculine guy who will, who will kind of start leading, you
22:58
know, things a little bit. So I'm going to sit back and
23:00
kind of see where he takes things, I think.
23:03
Love it and have you guys you've done face or FaceTime or Zoom
23:06
and all that I. Was thinking of maybe we've done
23:09
2 calls and I think the next step would be like a FaceTime
23:12
type thing. OK, OK, I'll have him do that
23:15
like tonight then we'll we'll video the other.
23:18
My only other question too is I know normally like say on 1st
23:21
dates you don't want to talk about like religion or politics,
23:24
but I'm I'm thinking this is might be something we need to
23:26
bring up before we do a whole big cross country trip.
23:31
Is there any exception to that rule?
23:33
I mean, here's what I say. And somebody was asking me and
23:36
she was like, you know, what should I ask him?
23:38
And you know, while, yes, I have lists out there about, you know,
23:42
fun questions to ask or whatever.
23:44
But before you get to those, what you really need to focus on
23:48
is say to yourself what is most important to you.
23:52
And, and therefore, when you get on these calls, you've got to
23:56
ask these questions so that you get clarification on important
24:00
views. So if him, his political views
24:03
are important, you need to ask and get that out of the way.
24:06
It'll never hurts even if they put they're looking for a real
24:09
relationship, but maybe you guys haven't had an actual
24:12
conversation. I think that's an important
24:16
thing. I think, I think when it's long
24:18
distance, you want to say, hey, so have you ever dated anybody
24:21
long distance and, and how did it work for you?
24:24
And you know, and, and kind of just feel these important things
24:28
out before you get into, you know, what's a fun fact about
24:32
you? Most people wouldn't, you know,
24:34
like that is important, that like takes you beyond the
24:37
basics, but you got to cover your basics.
24:39
And I think it's an individual. That's kind of an individual
24:43
thing. You got to figure out what's,
24:44
what's so important to you and a partner, and that's what you
24:47
want to ask. So I hope that we're clear.
24:51
Really, I want these guys to make true effort and I, I think
24:56
at least definitely in my world, and I think in your world too,
25:01
these guys should be coming to you.
25:02
I don't like, I'm never comfortable taking a woman out
25:05
of her surroundings and and flying her to meet a guy that
25:09
she doesn't know yet. So it's always a safe bet and my
25:13
preference that they would fly in to see you.
25:17
OK, great. So now I got a next question.
25:20
We're going to move it along here.
25:22
I'm going to read you this question that somebody wrote to
25:24
me and we're going to cover the bases about, you know, just how
25:29
how much communication should be happening between dates.
25:33
And here we go. I'm going to write this
25:34
question. What are your thoughts about
25:36
communication for men in between dates?
25:39
I'm not a big texter and one of the men I went on a date with is
25:43
also not. How often do you think I should
25:45
hear from him? He had such a good question.
25:47
I think honestly, it's kind of it kind of is a person to person
25:51
kind of thing. And I think that's also kind of
25:53
where you guys start to figure out whether your your styles are
25:58
compatible, you know, is, are you dating a guy that has to
26:01
have that like good morning, good night, and there's women
26:04
that need to have that too. Me hell, I don't want to hear
26:06
from anybody unless they're just asking me out again until
26:10
there's really something cooking and the and and when I feel like
26:14
there's really something cooking.
26:15
I mean, we can always feel like on the first or second date,
26:19
like a false sense of that. But but real would be
26:22
consistency. So I would say maybe after 1/4
26:26
date or something you start talking more.
26:28
I think, you know, it's perfectly reasonable also to say
26:32
that maybe a little more progress should be made each
26:35
time after a date. So maybe before the first date,
26:38
you had a great call, coordinated the date.
26:40
There was nothing before the you know, he confirmed the date and
26:43
that was it. But then between the first date
26:46
and the second date, there has to be, there has to be
26:49
something. There can't be nothing.
26:51
Because what I find, I dated a guy once and we went on like 3
26:54
or 4 dates and I actually kind of liked him.
26:56
But the problem was I never heard from him in between and it
27:01
felt like a first date all over again every time, you know what
27:03
I mean? It was very hard to get the vibe
27:05
going. So there has to be a little
27:07
something. And I think if a guy's not at
27:09
all after several dates, then to me what it tells me and and I
27:16
think this was true of the guy that I went that went out with
27:18
like that he's not fully emotionally available.
27:21
There's something there's a block somewhere he's hung up on
27:24
somebody from the past. He's seeing somebody.
27:27
There's something because typically, you know, men and
27:32
women, I think we start to start investing in each other a little
27:36
more, a little more. If this day, if the second date
27:39
now went great, now I'm going to invest a couple more times and
27:42
talking to a little more that week before the 3rd date.
27:45
You see what I mean? And I think it should be like
27:47
slow progressions like that. And so that is my opinion on
27:51
that. I certainly hope it helps.
27:53
All right, moving on. This is going to be kind of a
27:55
sensitive topic and you're coming back to me here, my
27:59
little buddy, like a little bird on my shoulder.
28:02
You're going to share with me a scenario, another scenario that
28:04
you saw a woman who posted our community about a very sensitive
28:08
subject that she's dealing with. So yeah, lay it on us.
28:11
So one of the women shared that she had seen a man, I don't know
28:17
if they matched or not or maybe I don't remember, but she saw
28:20
something. I think it was just that they
28:21
she saw something on his profile and he mentions that he has HSV
28:26
2. And was just wanting to know if
28:32
you have any suggestions because there's a way I've heard that
28:35
there's ways to get around that and but you have to know what
28:39
you're doing And, and also that because I mean 1,000,000
28:44
billions of people carry the virus.
28:47
But they don't even know. Yeah, you don't know.
28:50
You really don't know. I I mean.
28:52
You could be getting it. You could be getting the virus
28:55
from anybody that you that you kiss that had you know that that
29:01
carries the virus. Do you know what I mean?
29:03
I mean, this is such a philosophical in a, in a way
29:07
it's a philosophical question because it becomes like, you
29:09
know, should that man even be revealing that at that stage
29:13
because you know, it's going to turn off a lot of ladies.
29:16
Whereas if they got to know him then they might go be more open
29:22
minded to working with whatever's going on.
29:25
Right. And at the same time I can kind
29:28
of understand, I mean. Apparently they have a lot of
29:30
integrity because he. Doesn't want to.
29:33
You. Know deceive anybody.
29:36
And I also understand what you're saying because I think it
29:39
would be better maybe to talk about it.
29:44
Would you have a T-shirt printed up and just wear it around like
29:46
when you go into the world, just letting you know, I've got 8,
29:50
you know, whatever I've got, you know, just or today you got to
29:54
wear your COVID T-shirt because you got COVID right now.
29:57
You know what I mean? Like I just think there's some
29:59
things that you don't need to talk about with people until it
30:03
really it's coming out to being their actual business.
30:06
Same time, I respect the honesty.
30:08
It's just I the poor guy I'm sure doesn't get much traction.
30:10
Well, when do you, when do you bring that up in discussion,
30:16
right that I haven't. When do you ask or do you ask?
30:19
Do you wait for you know? I mean, I, you know, so I think,
30:25
I mean, I think although nobody seems to be talking about this
30:29
much anymore, I think before you sleep together, you should say,
30:32
hey, let's both go and get tested for everything.
30:35
Yeah, because that's all. If he's willing to go get tested
30:39
now you know he's not just tricking you to sleep with him.
30:42
Right, right, right. Hey, you know, you guys have
30:44
both gone and gotten tested. Maybe we can even go together.
30:47
You know what I mean? Like I mean and and because I
30:50
did that back years ago, I. Did too I've.
30:53
Done this several months and people aren't talking about that
30:56
much anymore, but it's like you're worried about sleeping
30:59
with somebody and you want especially if you're sort of
31:02
worried like how invested are they?
31:03
Are they just telling me what I want to hear?
31:05
Like sure, we're in a relationship.
31:07
Well, believe me when you tell them, hey, let's both go into
31:09
get tested. That is really going to be the
31:11
come to Jesus for this moment, whether to know if he's truly
31:14
invested. So remember, ladies, I want you
31:19
to hear this in your head when it gets to the point and you
31:21
guys are about to sleep together.
31:23
If he's invested, he'll get tested and even better if you
31:26
guys go together. Boom.
31:28
OK, moving on to the next question.
31:31
All right, so this guy seems like he's a slob and you've got
31:34
a great question, so lay it on me.
31:36
Let's do this. What do you do?
31:46
When you show up to a date and you're way overdressed and the
31:50
man, the man is wearing like shorts.
31:53
Feel great about yourself. OK, So and let him sit in the
31:58
embarrassment that he is a slub. OK, Yeah, that just came up.
32:05
Yeah. That I would.
32:07
I mean, listen for your for whoever's dressing up and
32:11
looking their best. I think you should continue to
32:14
do that every time because again, you might be leaving the
32:17
restaurant, you might be going, stopping at the grocery store on
32:20
the way home and you look great. So you're not going to miss an
32:23
opportunity. But you're also gathering
32:25
information on on this guy showing up who's not putting in
32:30
effort. And you know, here's the thing.
32:32
A married friend of mine told me this years and years and years
32:35
ago, back in the early 2000s. And I never forgot it was before
32:38
as a matchmaker, she said. And she was a rules girl anyway.
32:43
And so she said, you know, Gina, just keep in mind how they treat
32:48
you and how they show up in the very beginning is about as good
32:51
as it's ever going to be. She said, because once you get
32:54
comfortable in a relationship and once you get married, he's
32:57
never going to be any better than he was in the very
32:59
beginning. So if a guy's going to show up
33:02
to a first date and not go to the make the effort to try to
33:05
impress you, that's telling you everything you need to know.
33:08
So, and I think some women think, Oh my gosh, I'm
33:11
embarrassed. I shouldn't have dressed up this
33:12
much. I should have kind of been more
33:14
casual like him. No, Why go down to his level?
33:16
That's the opposite of what we're doing.
33:18
We're leveling up. So the guys need to either meet
33:21
us at our own level, at that level, or we just kick him to
33:25
the curb. Transition.
33:27
Gina answers the question about can you look for a provider in
33:31
today's environment? I'm 36, living in New York.
33:34
I just began this program on Friday, already learned so much.
33:38
Once we get my profile going, how do I put into words to make
33:41
it clear that I would like a partner who is a provider?
33:45
Ideally, I hit it off with my partner.
33:47
We get married and a family and have the option to not work for
33:51
a few years until our child is in school.
33:54
In this economic climate and the men I've met are more used to
33:59
5050 splitting the bills, I don't know if my standards are
34:04
antiquated and I need to be more realistic in finding a partner.
34:09
Also, I feel it's way too soon to bring this up or too bold to
34:13
add to my profile, but I'm also at the age where I don't want to
34:17
waste time. Apologies for the long message.
34:19
I mean, it's a great you brought something really really great
34:22
up. I, you know, it's interesting.
34:24
I, I think people are starting to have more of those
34:29
conversations sooner than than they used to.
34:32
I, I had a guy that came as a prospective client that I'm
34:37
talking to. And actually I have a couple of
34:38
those clients recently where, and they're younger guys where
34:43
they do very, very well. And while on the one hand, they
34:47
want a woman who's smart and accomplished, they want her to
34:51
just sort of switch gears once they start having kids and just
34:55
more be, you know, be more of the the mom, the stay at home
34:58
mom and raising the kids and having more kids and all that
35:01
stuff. So I do think these
35:03
conversations are happening more.
35:05
I think that maybe for that kind of conversation, you, we can
35:10
skew your bio in a way that's like, you know, I'm looking for
35:13
a man who, you know, who is accomplished and, and is looking
35:17
for, I would say more of like traditional male female roles.
35:21
I think that kind of falls into that category.
35:23
But then I think where you really prequalify is going to be
35:26
when you get on a phone call with him.
35:28
So on the call, that's where you're just going to have to
35:30
have an open conversation and not be afraid to have, have the
35:34
conversation of, you know, something like, So what in, in
35:37
the scheme of things, in your ideal relationship, what would
35:41
that, what would an ideal relationship look like to you?
35:43
Is it you know, and, and don't, and sometimes I'd like to give
35:46
them options. So it gives them the freedom
35:49
because if you don't give somebody options, then they're
35:51
trying to think, well, what does she want me to say?
35:54
But if you give them a few like mixed answers, then they don't
35:59
know what you're you're wanting to say.
36:00
You could say you know what does, what does an ideal
36:03
relationship look like to you? Is it, is it a traditional male,
36:07
female roles where the man you know is the provider and the
36:10
woman stays home and raises kids?
36:13
Is it a 5050? I would throw in like 3 or 4
36:16
scenarios and then see what they say.
36:19
That's the way I would handle it.
36:20
But we'll get there. And I'm so glad you're here and
36:22
I'm so glad you're already learning stuff.
36:24
OK, so Anne and all you ladies need to know, always keep those
36:28
standards high, ladies, and never feel like you have to
36:32
stoop to their level. You do you.
36:35
But always bring your A game because you're never going to go
36:37
wrong when you look fantastic. Trust me on that.
36:41
All right, so I'm going to read. This will be the last question.
36:43
It'll take us out. I'm going to read a question.
36:45
And you know, I find that this comes up a lot, especially with
36:48
the subject of the trad wife stuff.
36:50
And yeah, I'm going to. I'm going to help this young
36:53
lady get herself sorted out here, and this can apply to all
36:57
of you. OK, here we go.
37:00
I'm going to say to you guys, you know, continue to keep your
37:02
standards high, but also manage your expectations.
37:05
You know, for some it happens sooner, some it takes longer,
37:09
but you just got to keep at it. But don't ever lower your
37:12
standards or start mixing in haphazard photos.
37:15
Just if you follow the process, it'll work.
37:17
It's just, you just got to manage your expectations.
37:20
If you think, oh, it's going to happen soon or I'm going to see
37:23
all these great guys, that's not the world.
37:25
That's not how the world works. There's not that many
37:27
exceptional people in the world. And what we're trying to do is
37:30
create this. What I'm doing for you is
37:32
creating this formula and strategy so that you're able to
37:35
pre qualify these guys very quickly and then kick them to
37:38
the curb if they're not up to the our standards and then keep
37:41
moving forward, you know, and again, boom, boom, boom, then
37:43
rinse and repeat. And everything will be better,
37:47
but we're going to be clearing the decks so that all these guys
37:49
that used to just like you and match with you and you thought,
37:52
Oh my God, this is so great. I don't want those guys around.
37:55
We don't want the looky loos. We want the ones who are hot
37:58
leads and are are viable actual candidates.
38:02
And those are the only ones, you know, I want you guys focusing
38:05
on or spending your time on. OK, well, I feel more informed.
38:12
Oh, it's always good to just hear your great questions and,
38:15
and, and know what I've got stored in the vault that
38:18
sometimes I forget about until you click unlock it and the
38:22
secret starts spilling out. So I hope you've enjoyed it.
38:25
This is going to take us out for today and I hope you are
38:28
subscribing, telling your friends, sharing my shows
38:31
because I love doing it and I love it when I'm able to help
38:34
you. All right, ladies, so be
38:36
fabulous. I know you are and keep those
38:38
standards high. And I will see you again next
38:42
week. Want to keep up?
38:46
With more of Gino's advice, follow her on TikTok and
38:50
Instagram at matchmaker Gina Hendricks, or visit her
38:53
matchmaking website, ginahendricks.com.