Latest / Speaking of Meaning / The Hidden Psychology of Toxic Workplaces | 8 Types of Workplace Bullies

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The Hidden Psychology of Toxic Workplaces | 8 Types of Workplace Bullies · Speaking of Meaning

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Most toxic workplaces don't look toxic at first.
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  People smile in meetings,
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  the office looks professional,
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  everyone says the right things.
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  SPEAKER_00: But underneath, underneath the surface, something unhealthy is happening.
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  It can be that a colleague withholds information and later
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  blames someone else for
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  failure People gossip instead of communicating honestly
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  Employees walk on eggshells
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  SPEAKER_00: And over time,
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  SPEAKER_00: communication itself becomes unsafe
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  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Speaking of Meaning,
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  SPEAKER_00: the podcast that helps you become a stronger communicator,
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  SPEAKER_00: build deeper relationships and create impact that matters.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Ibrahim and I am a professional speaker, soccer referee
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  SPEAKER_00: and Leader.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love helping other people and I also love to learn new things.
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  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is about better communication,
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  SPEAKER_00: greater impact at work,
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  SPEAKER_00: in your home and in the world out there.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dive in.
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  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy the show.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Speaking of Meaning.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about workplace bullying,
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  SPEAKER_00: toxic workplaces,
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  SPEAKER_00: and the psychology behind unhealthy organizational cultures.
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  SPEAKER_00: In Sweden alone,
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  SPEAKER_00: a tiny country with 9-10 million people,
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  SPEAKER_00: more than 400,000 people experience workplace bullying every year.
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  Research from Norway and the United States also showed that
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  workplace bullying
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  SPEAKER_00: exists across industries,
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  SPEAKER_00: professions,
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  SPEAKER_00: and organizational levels.
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  SPEAKER_00: Yet, many people struggle to describe what is happening to them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Partly because a toxic workplace,
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  SPEAKER_00: workplace bullying,
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  SPEAKER_00: in adulthood looks a little bit different.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now what is the definition of workplace bullying?
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  SPEAKER_00: For behavior to be considered bullying,
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  SPEAKER_00: it generally needs to be deliberate,
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  SPEAKER_00: persistent,
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  SPEAKER_00: and disrespectful.
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  SPEAKER_00: Gary and Ruth Namy define workplace bullying as repeated health-harming
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  SPEAKER_00: mistreatment,
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  SPEAKER_00: intimidation,
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  SPEAKER_00: humiliation,
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  SPEAKER_00: sabotage that interferes with work.
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  SPEAKER_00: This definition is important because not every disagreement is bullying.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not every difficult conversation is abuse.
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  You know,
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  healthy workplaces require accountability,
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  disagreement,
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  and constructive criticism.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is important.
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  SPEAKER_00: So everything is not toxic and bullying.
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  SPEAKER_00: It has to be deliberate, persistent, and disrespectful.
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  SPEAKER_00: There is a difference,
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  SPEAKER_00: of course,
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  SPEAKER_00: between correction and humiliation,
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  SPEAKER_00: between leadership and domination.
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  And so one of the most damaging aspects of workplace bullying
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  is that it changes
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  SPEAKER_00: communication itself.
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  SPEAKER_00: You don't feel safe,
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  you start to overthink emails and you become hyper-vigilant
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  during meetings and
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  perhaps you avoid expressing disagreement and eventually
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  silence becomes part of
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  SPEAKER_00: the workplace culture.
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  SPEAKER_00: Craig B.
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  Clayton from Equitable Workplace Institute describes several
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  common workplace
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  SPEAKER_00: bullying archetypes.
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  SPEAKER_00: You will probably recognize some of these immediately.
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  SPEAKER_00: The first type of bully is the gatekeeper.
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  The gatekeeper assumes people cannot be trusted and becomes
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  obsessed with control,
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  SPEAKER_00: schedules,
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  SPEAKER_00: and time management
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  Let's say you work overtime for weeks without recognition and
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  arrive five minutes late once.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now subtly your commitment becomes questioned.
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  SPEAKER_00: The communication here is suspicious.
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  SPEAKER_00: Over time that destroys morale and psychological safety.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do you have that in your organization?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are you a gatekeeper?
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  SPEAKER_00: The second type of bully is the constant critic.
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  SPEAKER_00: The constant critic slowly shifts criticism from behavior to identity.
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  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it will start with your behavior.
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  SPEAKER_00: They will give you feedback, they will criticize you for your behavior.
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  But then over time it shifts and starts to be about who you are
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  as a person.
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  And so,
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  this one is tricky because at first,
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  the criticism sounds constructive.
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  SPEAKER_00: But eventually, nothing becomes good enough.
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  SPEAKER_00: Your work is criticized,
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  SPEAKER_00: your competence is criticized,
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  SPEAKER_00: and eventually your personality becomes criticized.
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  I remember a friend who told me once that her manager
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  criticized her for the way
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  SPEAKER_00: she walked into meetings.
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  SPEAKER_00: She was told, someone said you walked too fast and you frowned.
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  Notice,
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  the criticism is no longer about performance,
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  it becomes psychological.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this is what makes the constant critic so damaging,
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  because you start eventually to internalize the negativity and
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  begin doubting
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  SPEAKER_00: yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: This one is very dangerous, my friend.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not just in the workplace, but also in our personal relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: The constant critic is someone who's gonna break you down.
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  And over time,
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  you're gonna lose self-confidence and your self-esteem is gonna
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  take a hit.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is so damaging for any organization.
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  SPEAKER_00: The third is more obvious.
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  SPEAKER_00: It is called the screamer.
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  SPEAKER_00: The screamer is more obvious.
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  SPEAKER_00: This person uses intimidation openly.
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  SPEAKER_00: Anger, emotional outbursts, public humiliation, fear.
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  SPEAKER_00: Interestingly though,
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  SPEAKER_00: screamers are often tolerated because they are considered talented or
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  SPEAKER_00: indispensable.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this reveals something uncomfortable about many organizations.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some organizations protect performance more than they protect people.
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  SPEAKER_00: What about your organization?
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  If you're stuck in an organization where you're bullied,
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  especially by a screamer,
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  SPEAKER_00: And if there's nothing you can do,
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  SPEAKER_00: if HR is protecting this person,
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  SPEAKER_00: get out of there as soon as possible.
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  This is my advice because these kind of people are going to
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  break you down.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's a toxic environment.
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  SPEAKER_00: Your health matters more than your work.
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  Because if you don't have your health,
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  you can't work,
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  you can't develop,
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  you can't perform.
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  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to change the person.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can of course see what you can do to change your circumstances.
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  SPEAKER_00: Trying to change the person is difficult,
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  SPEAKER_00: especially if HR is backing this person and is protecting this person.
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  SPEAKER_00: So look out for yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: See what you can do.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing you can do and you're stuck.
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  SPEAKER_00: Find a way out.
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  SPEAKER_00: Number four.
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  The two-headed snake is one of the most complicated and
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  difficult workplace bullies
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  SPEAKER_00: to identify.
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  SPEAKER_00: Why?
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  SPEAKER_00: It's simple.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because they often appear warm, supportive, and trustworthy.
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  SPEAKER_00: They smile in your face while quietly undermining you behind the scenes.
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  SPEAKER_00: A few years ago,
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  SPEAKER_00: before I went on vacation,
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  SPEAKER_00: I prepared a detailed handover document for a colleague.
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  SPEAKER_00: And this colleague would temporarily replace me as a section manager.
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  The document included projects,
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  deadlines and meetings in order of priority.
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  SPEAKER_00: When I returned from my vacation four weeks later,
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  my manager criticized me publicly for supposedly failing to
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  provide the necessary
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  SPEAKER_00: information to my colleague.
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  SPEAKER_00: And during that meeting, my colleague remained silent.
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  And later I discovered that he had applied for the same
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  position I occupied.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that experience taught me something very important.
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  SPEAKER_00: Charm is not the same as integrity.
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  SPEAKER_00: The two-headed snake.
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  SPEAKER_00: This guy was a two-headed snake.
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  SPEAKER_00: And they often rely on possible deniability.
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  Because I tried I told him I told my manager I gave this guy
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  the document He never
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  SPEAKER_00: said anything He didn't even remember
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  And he enjoyed to see me publicly humiliated Charm is not the
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  same as integrity
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  SPEAKER_00: They'll be nice to your face,
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  SPEAKER_00: but they're gonna stab you in the back And when you confront them,
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  SPEAKER_00: which I did,
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  they're just gonna deny it Do you have a two-headed snake in
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  your organization?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are you a two-headed snake?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because the two-headed snake
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  SPEAKER_00: Ibrahim Mo
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  SPEAKER_00: So if you're going to share things with them that are important,
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  you need to have it documented as well The interesting thing
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  about the two-headed
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  snake is that manipulation becomes so difficult to prove
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  precisely because it
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  SPEAKER_00: happens indirectly Once you confront a two-headed snake,
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  SPEAKER_00: they're just going to deny it
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  SPEAKER_00: You can try, but don't waste your time.
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  SPEAKER_00: If somebody stabbed you in the back once, they're gonna do it again.
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  SPEAKER_00: If they are gossiping about another colleague,
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  SPEAKER_00: they're gonna gossip about you when you're not there.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is how it works.
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  SPEAKER_00: So people leave clues.
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  SPEAKER_00: Look out for those clues.
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  And don't fall for their trap because the two-headed snake will
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  sabotage behind the scenes.
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  SPEAKER_00: So just be careful.
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  And my question to you,
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  do you have any two-headed snakes in your organization?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are you a two-headed snake?
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  SPEAKER_00: The next type, number five, is the snoop.
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  SPEAKER_00: The Snoop constantly watches, questions, and monitors others.
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  SPEAKER_00: They might ask you questions like, why were you late?
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  SPEAKER_00: Why did you take a break?
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  SPEAKER_00: Are you really working full time now?
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  SPEAKER_00: And over time,
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  SPEAKER_00: Employees begin feeling psychologically observed rather than trusted.
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  You know that feeling when you feel watched,
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  observed,
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  controlled rather than trusted?
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  SPEAKER_00: It diminishes trust.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that's going to affect your psychological well-being as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: This type of behavior...
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  SPEAKER_00: Overlaps with micromanagement and creates chronic stress inside teams.
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  SPEAKER_00: Teams are not going to perform well if they don't feel trusted.
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  SPEAKER_00: They're not going to perform because we need trust.
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  SPEAKER_00: Brian Avery, a great speaker, says trust is a must.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so you need trust in any team to really function and work.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a manager who
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  Or somebody in senior position who is micromanaging and not
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  really trusting you,
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  SPEAKER_00: that's going to create a culture of distrust.
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  SPEAKER_00: And what does distrust lead to?
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  SPEAKER_00: More stress, more fear, and less performance.
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  SPEAKER_00: So we have to be aware of the snoop.
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  SPEAKER_00: Number six, the ringmaster.
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  SPEAKER_00: The ringmaster constantly forces people to prove themselves.
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  The expectations never stop moving Success becomes minimized
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  Failures become
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  magnified By the ringmaster you will be given excessive
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  challenges unrealistic
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  deadlines and impossible standards I know that a lot of
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  workplaces confuse burnout
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  SPEAKER_00: with excellence This is a big mistake
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  SPEAKER_00: Yes,
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  SPEAKER_00: you might be a people pleaser,
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  SPEAKER_00: you might work hard because you want to earn that recognition.
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  SPEAKER_00: But what if you're burning out?
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  SPEAKER_00: Burnout instead of excellence.
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  Because we confuse burnout with excellence What happens is that
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  the ringmaster,
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  SPEAKER_00: they thrive in those environments If you fail once,
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  they're going to let you know that you failed And they're going
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  to remind you of
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  SPEAKER_00: that over and over and over again And if you succeed,
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  SPEAKER_00: they're probably going to be quiet
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  They're not going to tell you Because success with the
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  ringmaster becomes minimized
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  And failure becomes magnified And I guess somewhere deep down
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  They'd rather see you
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  fail And if you are in an unhealthy environment You will not
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  take risks If you need
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  SPEAKER_00: help,
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  SPEAKER_00: you're not going to ask for help
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  SPEAKER_00: If you make a mistake,
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  you're not going to admit it because you know that failures
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  become magnified.
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  SPEAKER_00: Next bully is the manipulator.
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  SPEAKER_00: The manipulator creates situations where success becomes very difficult.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can be that information is withheld, expectations change suddenly.
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  They'll tell you they want one thing and then the next day
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  these expectations change.
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  SPEAKER_00: With the manipulator, confusion is created intentionally.
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  They have an intention to confuse you and to change
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  expectations with short notice.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when problems emerge, they will blame you.
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  SPEAKER_00: The manipulator weaponizes uncertainty.
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  And over time,
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  you will begin to believe you are the problem rather than
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  recognizing
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  SPEAKER_00: Ibrahim Mo speakingofmeaning
• 16:17
  And finally,
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  Bully number 8 is what Craig B.
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  Clayton refers to as a Queen Syndrome.
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  The Queen Syndrome refers to individuals in position of
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  authority who undermine or
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  SPEAKER_00: sabotage others because of insignificance.
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  SPEAKER_00: Insecurity, competition, or status anxiety.
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  SPEAKER_00: Bullying is not exclusive to men or women.
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  SPEAKER_00: But we know that men can bully other men and men can bully other women.
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  And we also know that a lot of women can bully other women as
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  well and try to
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  SPEAKER_00: sabotage and undermine other women.
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  SPEAKER_00: It always goes back to insecurity, competition,
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  Or Status Anxiety Somebody's Challenging You Maybe Somebody's
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  More Talented Or You
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  Feel A Competition But Remember This These Dynamics We've
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  Talked About Today Are
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  More About Fear Power And Insecurity Rather Than Gender Itself
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  Here Is The
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  SPEAKER_00: Uncomfortable Question
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  SPEAKER_00: Why do toxic workplaces continue to exist?
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  I've worked with many organizations as a consultant and trainer
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  and keynote speaker.
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  I believe one of the answers is that people remain silent
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  because as a witness you
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  SPEAKER_00: might feel retaliation.
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  SPEAKER_00: As a manager, you might avoid conflict.
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  SPEAKER_00: Human resources sometimes,
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  SPEAKER_00: as I said before,
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  prioritize protecting the organization rather than protecting
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  the employees.
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  SPEAKER_00: And high performers, unfortunately, are sometimes
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  Given Exceptions What That Leads To Is Eventually Silence
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  Becomes Part Of The
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  Culture Itself Instead Of Direct Communication People Engage In
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  Rumors And What
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  SPEAKER_00: Does That Lead To
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  In a toxic workplace employees begin to protect themselves
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  psychologically instead
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  SPEAKER_00: of collaborating authentically with others.
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  We have to keep in mind that healthy workplaces are not
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  workplaces without disagreement.
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  SPEAKER_00: Conflict is normal.
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  SPEAKER_00: Constructive criticism matters.
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  SPEAKER_00: Accountability matters.
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  SPEAKER_00: Trust matters.
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  SPEAKER_00: But there is a profound difference between challenge
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  SPEAKER_00: and Humiliation between leadership and psychological domination.
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  The deeper problem with workplace bullying is not merely that
• 19:02
  certain individuals
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  SPEAKER_00: behave badly,
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  but it is that bullying changes the emotional and psychological
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  atmosphere of an
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  SPEAKER_00: organization.
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  SPEAKER_00: Let me say it again.
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  The deeper problem with workplace bullying is not that certain
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  individuals behave
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  badly but it is that toxic work environments change the
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  emotional and psychological
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  SPEAKER_00: atmosphere of an organization.
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  And here's where communication becomes cautious,
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  perhaps political,
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  fear-driven.
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  People stop expressing themselves honestly because honesty no
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  longer feels safe.
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  SPEAKER_00: Honesty no longer feels safe.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now let's summarize the eight types of bullies Number one,
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  the gatekeeper The gatekeeper controls and monitors people
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  because they assume
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  SPEAKER_00: others cannot be trusted Number two,
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  the constant critic The constant critic slowly turns feedback
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  into personal attacks
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  SPEAKER_00: and makes people doubt themselves Number three,
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  SPEAKER_00: the screamer
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  SPEAKER_00: The screamer uses fear, anger, and humiliation to dominate others.
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  SPEAKER_00: 4.
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  The Two-Headed Snake The Two-Headed Snake pretends to support
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  you while quietly
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  SPEAKER_00: sabotaging you behind the scenes.
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  SPEAKER_00: 5.
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  SPEAKER_00: The Snoop
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  They constantly watch,
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  question and micromanage people until they no longer feel
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  trusted.
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  SPEAKER_00: 6.
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  The Ringmaster They create impossible expectations and force
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  people to constantly
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  SPEAKER_00: prove themselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: 7.
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  SPEAKER_00: The Manipulator They create confusion and then blame others for failing.
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  Number Eight The Queen Syndrome They undermine others Because
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  of insecurity
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  Competition Or fear of losing status All these eight Different
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  personalities
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  Different strategies But the same outcome People stop feeling
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  psychologically safe
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  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps That is the real danger of workplaces Not the bullying itself
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  But what happens when communication becomes shaped by fear
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  instead of honesty?
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  SPEAKER_00: Which of these have you encountered in your working life?
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  SPEAKER_00: And perhaps the most uncomfortable question,
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  SPEAKER_00: have you ever recognized parts of yourself in any of them?
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  Now let's talk about what you can actually do if you work in a
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  toxic workplace.
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  SPEAKER_00: First, stop blaming yourself for everything.
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  SPEAKER_00: Toxic workplaces slowly make people doubt themselves,
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  SPEAKER_00: and after a while you start to question your competence,
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  SPEAKER_00: your personality,
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  SPEAKER_00: and even your perception of what is happening around you.
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  So just stop blaming yourself for everything Everything is not
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  your fault Sometimes
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  SPEAKER_00: it's just a toxic environment Second,
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  document everything Especially if you're dealing with
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  manipulators Or people who
• 22:24
  constantly change expectations Save that email Write down
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  meetings And keep track
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  SPEAKER_00: of important questions and conversations
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  SPEAKER_00: Third, pay attention to patterns.
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  Everyone can have a bad day,
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  but bullying is usually deliberate,
• 22:44
  persistent,
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  and disrespectful.
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  SPEAKER_00: Patterns matter more than isolated incidents.
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  SPEAKER_00: So look for patterns that are deliberate, persistent, and disrespectful.
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  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, don't isolate yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: In toxic workplaces, what people often do is they would draw emotionally.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Try to find a healthy colleague you can trust and speak honestly with.
• 23:15
  And finally,
• 23:16
  you need to recognize when an environment is unhealthy beyond
• 23:21
  repair.
• 23:22
  Some people stay too long because they believe working harder
• 23:27
  will eventually
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: change the culture around them.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it will not.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: If toxic workplace cultures continue to survive,
• 23:36
  what does that reveal about the kinds of organizational
• 23:39
  environments we are
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: collectively willing to tolerate?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Speaking of Meaning
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Speaking of Meaning.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode helped you see communication in a new way,
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: share it with someone you care about,
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: a friend,
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: a partner or a colleague who wants to grow.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Ibrahim.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, better communication, greater impact.