Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run One-on-Ones That Actually Work
Transcript
- Lucas: One-on-one meetings are probably the most recommended piece of advice for new managers. And also the most likely to turn into a pointless status update that nobody wants to be at. Luna: Right. I've been there. You book thirty minutes with a direct report, and by minute five you're both staring at a shared screen, running through a task list. Lucas: Exactly. And the problem is, when you're a new manager, you think you're being diligent. You're checking in. But really, you're just replicating the same meeting you'd have as a peer, except now you have a title. Luna: So what's the alternative? I mean, you can't just cancel them. Lucas: No. You need a structure. And I think a lot of us forget that one-on-ones are not for you. They're for the direct report. The agenda belongs to them. Luna: Yeah. I remember reading Kim Scott's 'Radical Candor' — she has a whole chapter on this. Lucas: She does. And she gives a really simple framework. You start with a 'state of the union' from the team member. How's work? How's life? The first five minutes are pure listening. No solving. Luna: That's harder than it sounds. Especially when you see a problem and you want to jump in. Lucas: Right. But if you jump, you own the conversation. And suddenly it's your meeting again. The rule I try to follow: for the first five minutes, I just ask questions and nod. Luna: I like that. Then what? Lucas: Then you move to what Kim Scott calls the 'big rocks' — the top two or three priorities the person is wrestling with. Not the status of every ticket, but the stuff that's keeping them up at night. Luna: And you as a manager — you're supposed to coach on those. Not take them over. Lucas: Exactly. You ask: 'What do you think would work?' Or 'What's the hardest part about this for you?' You're drawing out their thinking, not giving them your answer. Luna: There's a Harvard Business Review study from 2023 that looked at this. They found that managers who used a simple shared agenda template — where the direct report fills in their topics ahead of time — saw team engagement scores go up by 40 percent within three months. Lucas: I believe it. Because the signal to the team member is: your priorities matter. And it also forces them to reflect before the meeting. Luna: So you're basically outsourcing the prep to them. But that's a good thing. Lucas: It is. And you can model it too. I'll often put my own item on the shared doc — like 'I need your input on X' — so it's collaborative. Luna: And what about timing? I've seen people do thirty minutes, some do an hour. What's the sweet spot for a new manager? Lucas: I think twenty-five minutes is the ideal. It's long enough to go deep on two or three items, but short enough that you both stay focused. And it leaves a buffer if you're back to back. Luna: Twenty-five minutes feels specific. Why not thirty? Lucas: Because thirty minutes invites filling the time. Twenty-five creates a gentle constraint. You have to prioritize. And if you end early, everyone wins. Luna: That makes sense. And this applies to remote teams too, right? Lucas: Absolutely. In fact, remote one-on-ones might be even more important because you don't have the hallway chatter. But the structure is the same. Camera on, shared doc open, first five minutes listening. Luna: I think one thing that trips up new managers is knowing when to escalate. Like if a direct report brings up a conflict with another team member — do you coach them through it or step in? Lucas: That's a great question. And the general rule is: if it's interpersonal and the person can handle it themselves, you coach. If it's structural — like a process blocking them — you advocate. But you always clarify which hat you're wearing. Luna: And you don't solve it in the one-on-one and then leave them hanging. You follow up. Lucas: Right. You say 'I'll talk to the product lead about that timeline and report back by Thursday.' And then you do it. Luna: That builds trust faster than anything. Lucas: Yeah. And speaking of trust — if we've helped you think through a career move or a management challenge, there's a small way you can help keep these conversations ad-free and independent. A couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps them going — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, if you've gotten something out of them. Luna: It really does make a difference. And it's a great way to support the show without any of the usual sponsor noise. Lucas: Exactly. Okay, back to one-on-ones. Let's talk about frequency. Weekly is standard, but is it always right? Luna: I think for new managers, weekly is good for the first ninety days. You're building the relationship. After that, you can stretch to every other week if the person is independent. Lucas: I'd agree. But I'd also say: never go longer than two weeks. If you skip a week, you lose momentum, and the next one-on-one becomes a catch-up marathon. Luna: And what about the first one-on-one with a new hire? Is it different? Lucas: Completely. The first one-on-one is about expectations, not work. You talk about communication style, how they like feedback, what their career goals are. You're setting the tone for the relationship. Luna: I've heard managers use a 'user manual' exercise for that. You write a one-page document about how you work best, and they do the same. Lucas: That's a great practice. I've done it. It avoids so many misunderstandings down the road. Like, 'I prefer Slack for quick questions but calendar blocks for deep work.' Simple stuff. Luna: So if I'm a new manager listening to this, what's the one thing I should change about my one-on-ones starting next week? Lucas: Give the agenda to your direct report. Send a shared doc with two prompts: 'What's on your mind?' and 'What do you need from me?' Let them fill it in before the meeting. Then spend the first five minutes just listening. Luna: And if they don't fill it in? Lucas: Then you use the first five minutes of the meeting to have them fill it in together. That's a signal too. After a couple of times, they'll get the hint. Luna: Yeah, you're teaching them that it's their meeting. Lucas: Exactly. And that shift — from manager-led to employee-led — is really the whole point of a one-on-one.