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Transcript

Ashley Holt - Baking Outside the Lines · She’s Smart

0:02
Hey, everybody. Welcome to She's Smart. I'm your host, Maria Robotham.
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Today's guest is someone my entire family was excited about,
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including my 11-year-old who loves to bake and is a huge fan of Netflix's Bake Squad.
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I'm thrilled to welcome the insanely talented Ashley Holt to She's Smart.
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Ashley is a cake artist, entrepreneur, food stylist, and TV personality who
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somehow manages to do it all with creativity, humor, and a lot of heart.
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She started her career in a completely different world, modeling.
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Before finding her true passion in the kitchen.
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She launched Sugar Monster Sweets, won Next Great Baker, joined the cast of
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Bake Squad, styled for the Today Show, and still finds time to co-parent her
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daughter and show up for her community, sometimes with a power drill in hand.
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In this episode, Ashley shares her winding journey from Georgia to New York
0:58
to Netflix, the beauty and impermanence of edible art, and the way motherhood
1:04
has shaped her view of success.
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We talk about burnout, baking tips, butter sculptures, yes, really,
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and her dream of designing a Saks holiday window.
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You'll hear how she's carving out a new chapter, one that's more intentional,
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creative, and deeply connected to her values.
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If you've ever felt like you're juggling a million things, chasing creative
1:26
sparks, or just trying to show up fully for your life, this one's for you.
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So get cozy as we connect, learn, and laugh together on She Smart.
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Music.
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Thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited that you're here.
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I need to calm myself down.
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You've been on my list for the very beginning when I started my list of all
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these women I want to talk to.
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The reason for that is my 11-year-old enjoys being in the kitchen.
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Like, he'll try to, he'll chop stuff. He'll try to do stuff for me. We bake together.
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And we watch the Bake Squad. This morning when he was eating his bagel,
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I was like, guess what, Grayson?
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Guess who I have on today? He's like, oh, I'm like Ashley from the Bake Squad. He's like, what?
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I'm like, I know. So I get to ask you all the questions and all of that.
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So when did you move to Georgetown?
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Five years ago. From where? From Westport. Did you grow up here or did you grow
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up somewhere? So I'm from Georgia.
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I was in New York City for almost a decade and lived a few places here and there. Okay.
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After I had my daughter, Chloe, who is turning seven in a couple of weeks,
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we moved my ex and I, her dad, to Westport. I was there for under a year,
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and then life changed, and I moved out to Georgetown.
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It's great over there. Yeah. I love it. I just met the other night,
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Ambar. She just opened the Wild Blueberry Boutique.
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Oh, kids' clothes, right? She's super sweet and creative. She lives in Weston. Nice.
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She's in the same space as Stems and Co., right? I still have yet to go over
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there. I saw you working on the new compo playground.
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Oh, my God. I was obsessed. So what was that experience like?
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I originally committed two days, Monday, Tuesday.
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I didn't want to overextend myself, but I went the two days and fell in love.
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It was so much fun. I ended up doing all five days.
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I know. I was on a proper job site. I'm a buddying general contractor.
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I love building, creating, and being a part of community and service.
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It was so much fun. Amazing weather, getting to be a part of this incredible
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project. My daughter's grown up playing at this playground. Yeah.
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How is it bigger? Is the footprint the same? Huge.
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Okay, so the footprint as far as like the fence that it's in is the same,
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but they've expanded out and done a lot of new upgrades on some of the existing equipment.
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Oh, so cool. It was so much fun. I can't wait to take the boys there.
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They're bigger, but they still love running around on that thing.
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It was so great. Like I got partnered with this one guy, Peter,
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that's been a part of the last two builds. They do this build every 20 years.
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Oh, wow. We get to be a part of that. This is his third restoration project,
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and I'm just the age of his daughter.
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We spent all day building together and getting to know about strangers and neighbors.
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It made me feel very connected to the community. It was amazing. Love that.
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I thought it was really cool that you were out there. That so many moms were
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out, and then dads were out there. Yeah. Like people in the community were out.
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It was amazing. And it was like really a proper work site.
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Like guys were in full gear, had to know the rules and everything else.
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Yeah. I signed up as a skilled worker.
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I was a little intimidated to do that. I was like, am I a legit skilled worker?
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But I showed up and put my skills to the test. It was pretty great seeing a
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lot of the older men. But they were very impressed.
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The young lady knows how to work a power tool. That's right.
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I'm the one who uses the power tools in the house. Amazing.
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God bless my husband. But I grew up with my dad taught us all that stuff.
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Like you need to know how to check your oil. You need to know how to nail something.
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I had an old RAV4 that I drove back and forth from California to Colorado where I went to college.
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But in college, I was working. I was in school. Like no money.
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And my light stopped working on the car, like the front light.
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When I took it to Toyota, they're like, this will be $700.
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And I went, I'm not paying for that. That's not happening. So I called my dad.
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And we had cell phones, but there was no FaceTime. This was back in 19...
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99. When the phone flipped. It was a flip phone and I had to rest it on the
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side of the car so I could hear.
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He's hard of hearing anyway. And I'm like an animal, a creature got into the
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car and ate the wire, which is, I guess, pretty standard fare.
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I'm like, I can fix this. He goes, yes, you can. You have to get these little
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pieces at the hardware store and then call me and we'll put it together.
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So on the phone, I've got crimpers and
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these like little tube that you stick wires into and it
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connects the connectivity it lasted until we sold
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the car 10 years later that is incredible i'm proud
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of you i can do anything if i can cramp those
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things like yeah it's not easy but that type of work and those projects are
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so filling for me i love having a problem to solve i love having something to
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fix and i love it so much because i'm able to show that to my daughter too and
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now when something of hers breaks her response is it's okay we can fix it i'm
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like yes That's brilliant.
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I'm doing it. So you grew up in Georgia. Grew up in Georgia.
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And then you went into modeling? Yeah.
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Tell me a little bit about that. How did you get into modeling?
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Was it random or was it? Super random. Okay. Tell me the story.
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So I'm in high school. My hair is like seven different colors.
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I gauged my ears out. How big was the gauge? I could stick my thumb through it. No. I know. So weird.
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I know. So gross to me now. But I ended up like I was very much like not a model.
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I mean, I was like punk rock shows all the time, like skateboarding.
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I could care less about fashion or anything. And I did a random photo shoot
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with my little sister in a cemetery.
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Okay. You're so gothic.
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And someone saw that picture and thought that,
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they were like, let's clean you up a little bit and see if we can get you signed
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to an agency in New York. So that's what happened.
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Yeah, that was a crazy chapter of my life. How long did you model for?
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About two years professionally.
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Were you back and forth from high school going up to New York and modeling?
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No. So right after I graduated high school, I moved to New York City.
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Yeah. I was in Manhattan and then spent a summer in Tokyo modeling.
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Oh, how cool. It was really cool. Have you gone back since? No,
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I need to though. Is it on your list? Yes.
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That's on our list as a family to go there. I remember it being amazing.
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I was working almost every single day. I didn't have a ton of time off.
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I just need to go back. I was like 19. I want to go back as an adult. With your daughter.
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With your food. I remember this giant toy store.
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Oh, gosh, I forget the name. There's also like a Don Quixote,
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which was an amazing store.
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There was this other like four-story Tori store. And one floor was dedicated
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to Hello Kitty. And at that point, I was obsessed with Hello Kitty.
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I just remember it being really wonderful. Oh, that's a really cool experience.
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Yeah, it was super great. There's a lot about the modeling that was very destructive.
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I could have cared less about my weight and my appearance in high school.
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But then all of a sudden, I need to change all these things.
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If I change all these things, I'll be accepted and I'm getting praise once I'm
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losing weight and changing my appearance.
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It's like, oh, now people are noticing me. So there's this weird disconnect
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between your own internal dialogue, confidence,
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and then how that gets morphed with all these other voices that are coming in,
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trying to rewrite your story for you in a sense. Absolutely.
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Yeah. And then when you left, did you find the transition away from it a little
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difficult, searching for that praise? Or had you not been conditioned enough,
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you weren't in it long enough to be like, no, I'm good.
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I can step away from this and still be me. Well, no, I still needed that.
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I was still looking for that praise, I think. And then where I found more praise
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coming in of like, oh, this is good.
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What you're doing is good is when I started baking and I would bring cupcakes,
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cookies, whatever to set.
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And then I would get recognition for what I was making.
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And that to me was more rewarding than any sort of physical attribute that I have no control over.
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Yeah like yes people are blessed they're be
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born attractive but all of like beauty is bleeding all of this is nothing what
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i found most rewarding is people commenting on what i was making when i decided
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to leave the industry that's what i wanted to follow it's like what makes me
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feel good let's make stuff let's create stuff and that's what i decided to then
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dedicate the rest of my 20s to and.
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So you started baking. You're baking on set. At what point was there one dish
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or one baked good that everyone would always ask for, something that you really
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loved making? I was just making everything.
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I remember joining culinary school. I was kind of at an impasse.
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Do I want to do hair or do I want to go to culinary school?
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Okay. So I went to tour culinary school and I saw someone flat ice a cake,
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which is where you just put the frosting on. You make it really smooth and beautiful.
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Without putting a layer on it for the crumble? Yeah.
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The crumb coat. The crumb coat? She just plopped a bunch of frosting on, made it so smooth.
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And I was like, oh, my gosh, that is so therapeutic and so peaceful and so impressive. I look so cool.
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So then I decided to get into culinary school. At that point,
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I'm in school working three different jobs. I remember I would wake up crying
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because I was so exhausted.
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I would have like 20 minutes in between school and my next job to close my eyes for a second.
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But I knew all this is going to pay off. This is going to pay.
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All this hard work is going to pay off. during a time I'm at school working
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at a comedy club waiting tables.
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I was working at a pizza restaurant, bartending. I was working at a mom and
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pop bakery that specializes in decorated cakes that I was learning.
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I was bringing in cupcakes to the comedy club and my manager there,
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she's like, I have a friend in casting.
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They're casting this baking competition. I totally think you should do it.
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So I'm like, well, let's try it.
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I've never thought about being on TV at that point, But I put myself out there
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and was a semifinalist for the show, The Next Great Baker on TLC.
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Season one, they had my chef coat size. It was a Friday. I was supposed to be
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leaving on Monday to go compete.
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And they told me they ended up going a different direction. I was absolutely crushed.
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I was going to the show. You picked me. That crushed me for a second.
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But it gave me a couple more years because they call back the second season.
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I didn't get that far. Call back the third season. And during that time,
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it gave me a couple more years to really refine my skill set and learn what I was actually doing.
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By the time the third season came around, it was very much like,
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all right, either pick me or lose my number because you guys are messing with
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me. We can't keep going through this.
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So then I was casted for the show and I went in there with a super fierce attitude,
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like nothing is getting in my way.
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I ended up winning the whole show, including most of the challenges.
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Amazing. Which is pretty awesome.
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Yeah, and then that opened my eyes to TV and production. From winning that show,
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I went on to Cake Boss for a couple seasons.
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And from being on Cake Boss, Buddy asked, he was doing another spinoff show.
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He liked how I worked and wanted me to produce one of his other shows.
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So that was a big twist of a new industry I never knew existed.
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Yeah, yeah. And then before I know it, the season four of Next Great Baker is
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coming around, and I'm the culinary producer of that show, creating challenges
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for the contestants, designing their kitchen and workspace, getting everything
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stocked with all their equipment and ingredients.
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What I just did, like.
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A year before. Isn't that crazy? It was so crazy.
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Such like a full circle. Yeah. Since then, I've been in front of the camera
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half my career and behind the camera half my career.
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I've produced many food shows and been working a lot in food styling.
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And you did the food styling for Lachette.
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Yeah. For the recent show. Yeah. So Anita's a good friend of mine.
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Oh, she's so great. So kick-ass. That was another venture.
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It's like this food industry, there are so many possibilities in it.
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And, you know, it's not just like, oh, you're a baker.
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Like people now when they ask, what do you do? I'm like, I don't know which
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answer to go. I do so many things.
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And so there's so many different opportunities in this world and this industry.
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And if you are open and willing to try something new, like the culinary director
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of that play. I've never worked with actors before.
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But it wasn't very different than working with talent that I've worked with
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at the Today Show or other shows I've produced. It was a brand new experience. Yeah.
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You make these beautiful creations. And we'll get to the bake squad in a second.
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But you post them online. You can see on Instagram what you're doing.
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And then people eat them. Yeah. So I'm always curious.
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I personally as a baker, I'm like the sheet pan or like the couple layers with a little frosting.
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Like I'm never I'm not the creative type that will make a Dalmatian out of something.
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Right. But then someone cuts into it. And I have to know how that feels,
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because when I make regular cakes, you're waiting for people to eat them.
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And I know you're waiting for people to eat your creations, but you don't just create cakes.
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You create experiences with those cakes and like a moment with those cakes.
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How does that feel letting that go and then have someone enjoy it,
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but cut into that? Yeah, that's a funny question.
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It's kind of like many different feelings. I'm at a point, I guess,
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in my career now of just like I want something more tangible,
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something that lasts longer than that experience in a way.
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My cakes are getting bigger. The designs are getting better.
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But it's just gone so quickly.
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I'll spend two weeks working on something I'm so proud of and then it's just gone.
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So it's like this juggling act well is there a beauty in that too you create
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something and let it go it's like the zen gardens the monks make these beautiful
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gardens and then it's just.
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Gone wipe it clean yeah over there is a
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beauty in that as well but i also i
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don't know i'm looking for more permanence with
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my art yeah which is i think why the playground build was so incredibly rewarding
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it's actually just talking to my therapist about this i want something more
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tangible because we put so much work into it and then it's for it to be just
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a memory with a small group of people or a picture or a video.
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I'm at a weird little period, I guess, in life right now. But I love that you're seeing that.
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You're like, there's more to this. As we get older, these new little chapters pop up, right?
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I didn't know I was going to do a freaking podcast, but two years ago, I'm like, I need more.
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I'm ready for more. I walked into a client's house and in my head,
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I was like, I don't care what you wear today.
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This is a problem. I think I'm done. And then you go a little bit further than
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when you're probably supposed to.
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And that's what I was trying to stop because I find that all the things we do,
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you give it 100% while you're in it.
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And I do not feel good about going into something and not giving it 100%. Same.
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So I'm fortunate enough to be able to say no to things because I know I can't give it that 100%.
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So in that moment, I'm like, this is not going to be 100% of me anymore. So it's time.
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Yeah. It's time to like move on to something more fulfilling.
16:12
Sure. Like with the styling thing, I can see a correlation where it's like it
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is very singular. It's just for you and that client.
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A lot of people cannot afford to have a personal stylist. So a lot of people miss out on that.
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And a lot of people can't afford these crazy cakes that are so expensive because
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so much effort goes into it. Yes, I get it. It's just cake.
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Yes, it is disposable. But there
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are plenty of people that will pay for that and will pay for the art.
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I value my time and experience and it's priced that way. But that just feels so limited.
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Yes. Like limiting. and being able to branch out, do something more tangible
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with people, more community-based,
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whether that's doing more classes with kids and have them be able to take a
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permanent cake sculpture home.
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And that to me is like having...
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A gift that is more accessible to people is important to me,
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and I'm trying to figure all that out. You're going to figure it. I love this.
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I'm so excited for you. I love these new chapters.
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They're so fun. It's a new chapter for sure. So can we talk about Bake Squad for a second?
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I'm so curious how there are four very dynamic bakers on that show, and it's so fun to watch.
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I have to understand, how does it actually work? How much time are you actually given?
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Can you tell us if the cake literally goes to the event afterwards?
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Or is there like do you have to make a second one let's start
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from the beginning how did you start bake squad was
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an absolute experience of a lifetime and to do it twice just like pinch me this
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i feel so lucky so it came up out of in my memories like oh it came up out of
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nowhere but really it didn't because i've been planting these seeds for over
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a decade creating my body of work networking and putting myself out there.
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So it was like in the middle of COVID, I get a call.
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And at this point, I'm dealing with this other internal monologue,
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like, I don't have my bakery anymore.
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I'm not making as many cakes anymore. Am I even relevant?
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What am I doing with all of this spiral?
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And when the show called me up, it felt like just a gift from the universe.
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Like, no, Ashley, you were doing what you're supposed to be doing.
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And we're about to level you up right now.
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So I took the call. It's really random that like I got this.
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I have this pull to like go to a Reiki class to take Reiki, like get certified to do Reiki.
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I listened to it. I went. And then right after I completed that,
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literally ended the course that was in my car and I get a phone call.
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We're calling from a production company. We're doing a show from Netflix.
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I listened to my gut, trusted this feeling to follow this.
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And because of that, I am rewarded with another opportunity.
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I believe I'm all like hokey like that. I believe in all that stuff.
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Oh, wait, let me sidebar so you hear this.
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So yesterday we're getting a PO box because we might be in between houses if
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we're going to do stuff, build and all that stuff.
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So I went into Weston post office and I got a PO box and I'm filling everything out.
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At the beginning of the year, I always set intentions for the year.
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And I pulled my 12 cards for each month. Like I do all this stuff. Yeah, it's very fun.
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And my sister taught me all this. She's in California and she's got all the
19:22
woo-woo you can imagine.
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So I take some of her woo-woo and we kind of place it in what's safe for me.
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So I do the cards and I set an intention like, okay, universe.
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Like series of twos, that will be the sign that I'm doing when I'm supposed
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to and that things are moving in the right direction.
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So randomly, I will get a series of two constantly.
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Like two, two, two, two, two, two. Like the weirdest times and the weirdest ways.
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And the lady at the post office was like, okay, I've got your number.
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She's like, this is the last one. And it's one, two, two, two.
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Oh, my gosh. And I was like, holy shit. You just feel it inside.
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It did it again. It did it again. I called my husband. And I'm like,
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Benjamin, you won't believe this. My husband is a full wasp.
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He doesn't believe in this. He's like, you're crazy.
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He just accepts me for who I am. That's good. The universe gave me another sign.
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So I am a full believer in manifesting and signs.
20:15
Yes, yes. The more you create space, the more the good. You just totally changed my life, that mindset.
20:19
It's amazing, right? Okay, so that was my little sign. I love that.
20:22
I love it. Thank you for sharing. It was so great.
20:24
Yeah, so they called me and there wasn't much of a casting process.
20:29
I had to get on a Zoom call with some executives. It was Netflix.
20:32
We had a little conversation and then they picked me. There was no cattle call.
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They just called me and picked me for the show, which was a pinch me moment
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because all this is just still so crazy.
20:44
You're on freaking Netflix. Yeah, crazy. It's like, what?
20:47
Right, right. You pop up when it's like baking shows. It was insane. Oh, amazing.
20:52
And I get there and they're like, I have like my own trailer with flowers inside
20:56
and like a note for me, welcoming me. It was so sweet.
21:00
It was amazing. Where'd you film? We filmed in Burbank.
21:03
Oh, okay. So you flew to California. Mm-hmm. And then how long does each episode
21:07
take? Is it actually one day that you're baking everything?
21:10
We have seven hours to put everything together.
21:12
Yeah. It's a lot. And are you given... Okay, so I don't want to give away the part.
21:16
Yeah, there's some that we can't talk about. I can't talk about the magic.
21:19
The magic is the magic. Yes. So...
21:22
The other bakers, did you get to know the other bakers that were in there with
21:25
you because you're spending time together?
21:27
Or are you guys, hey, hello, we're, you know, we're all good,
21:30
but you're separated because you're working so hard in those hours that you're
21:33
actually making cake and creating?
21:36
Well, we didn't meet until we were actually there. And because it was COVID, we got there.
21:40
We all had a quarantine. We were not supposed to interact because if anyone
21:43
gets sick, there goes the production.
21:45
So we decided to be a little sneaky, meet up outside and go for a hike together.
21:49
Yeah, and just get to know each other. We're all in the same industry.
21:51
It was easy for us to click. We had the greatest time together.
21:56
And naturally, there's really wonderful chemistry.
21:58
So then we would film. And during filming, we're just head down in our own little projects.
22:03
But then afterwards, we get to see each other at the hotel at night and chit
22:07
chat throughout or before filming.
22:09
But those filming days were super intense.
22:11
And you'd film the whole season like in one fell swoop, right?
22:15
You'd be in there for however many days. When you're given this task,
22:19
the person comes in. If you haven't seen the bake squad yet,
22:21
I'll explain a little bit.
22:23
They're having a special event. And I'll go with the one that you just won,
22:26
which was the fire department, the LA fire department.
22:28
The chief was retiring. No, he won fireman of the years, man.
22:31
They come in. They say, this is what we're doing. This is what he likes.
22:35
And then the four of you are just off to create.
22:38
How long does it take you from hearing that to coming up with an idea?
22:43
Because you only have seven hours. Then you're sketching it.
22:45
How did that process work for you?
22:47
So the consultation that comes in, you're just listening to the person talk
22:51
and ideas start pinging.
22:53
I mean, there's some that's a little harder to pull inspiration from.
22:56
But the people are casted for the show with an interesting event, dynamic story to tell.
23:02
So whatever information they're giving us, it's already been vetted through the producers.
23:07
So they know that we're going to have a lot to kind of pull from. Yeah.
23:11
Yeah. But some are more inspiring than others. And what I loved about it is
23:17
having the ability to create these crazy cakes.
23:21
I mean, you literally made a Dalmatian. That was incredible.
23:25
Oh, thanks. Do you have a picture of it? Can you pull up a picture of it?
23:28
Yeah. So you have access to resources. Yes, yes. Christina is the host.
23:31
Christina is like, what do you guys need? And like Gonzo's like,
23:35
I need poles or something like that. She's like, I'm getting them.
23:38
And then runs out and buys whatever tools, pieces you need.
23:42
There's an art department. Yes. So the art department's on it. And creating molds.
23:45
That's incredible. It's amazing to be so supported by production.
23:49
And a lot of these big shows, there's so much, more than anyone would even think,
23:53
that goes on behind the scenes to get that to your TV screens.
23:56
This one was, I mean, just the massive pantry, like the culinary department,
24:01
for example, the massive pantry of...
24:03
Things that we need to pull from. There's so much that goes into it before the
24:07
cakes or whatever we're creating gets put on the screen.
24:10
And when the person goes or whoever's creation is chosen, they try and cut it
24:15
in a way where it can be a little patched up later to bring to the event,
24:20
because that was our first thing.
24:22
But it's like, wait, we're not making these again if it gets chosen.
24:25
We would joke sometimes hoping that one of ours would not get chosen,
24:29
like Gonzo's giant chocolate egg because then you're like, shit, I got to make that again.
24:33
You can't piece that back together, Gonzo. Such to be you. Like,
24:36
we're going to go to sleep and you have fun doing this.
24:40
Oh, wow. And he did all the chocolate. That's incredible.
24:43
And then they build a set for your creation in some of them.
24:48
I remember there was a racetrack one where they built a whole race.
24:52
It was like a board. Oh, yeah. Maya Camille.
24:55
Yeah, so cool. I mean, it's incredible. So the art department's doing all that.
24:58
On the side, you guys are baking, making the actual creations.
25:01
Yeah, able to share our vision for what we're wanting to create and having someone
25:05
to help us bring it to life.
25:06
What was your favorite one you made on the show? Do you have a favorite one?
25:10
Yes, I have some favorites, but I still look back.
25:14
There's some that really get to me because they look so crappy,
25:18
in my opinion. Like the Volkswagen bus.
25:20
It's like, oh, why did it have to be so big? So much detail is left off.
25:24
It looks unfinished. As an artist on TV, it's hard to deal with that internal
25:29
monologue, standing beside a piece of work that you're not super proud of.
25:34
I understand. Yeah. And you're like...
25:36
I hope you love it. But inside, you're
25:38
like, oh, my God, this is so crappy looking. But the show comes out.
25:44
Everyone, like, the amount of people are like, I love the bus. It's so awesome.
25:48
Then it's like, okay, maybe someone is like. Yes. No one's looking at it like
25:51
I'm. You're going to see all the details that are wrong.
25:53
And you would have changed a color scheme. You would have done differently.
25:56
You see that. Everyone sees something.
25:57
Full creation. What your mind and ability was able to do. Yeah.
26:02
Not many people can do that. Not many people can frost a cake. Let's be real.
26:06
It is a lot harder than it looks. We don't all add a frosted cake properly.
26:10
Or make the right colors. I think the color theory is very hard.
26:13
I did a cake for one of my sons one year.
26:16
As I attempted to be like that mom who's like, I'm going to make the cake. I can bake.
26:20
Okay. I'm going to leave the baking to the professionals. And now I have this
26:24
wonderful woman in town who makes the cakes.
26:26
And they're fantastic. She does everything we ask.
26:29
But I was like, I'm going to make a sea cake and it's going to be blue.
26:32
It ended up being the grossest colored teal I've ever made. and then half of
26:36
it was falling off was a disaster.
26:39
Oh, I'm sure they loved it. They loved it. They made everyone blue.
26:42
It was fine. This is why people are very skilled and I hire them to do the things
26:46
because I'll make the cookies and the cupcakes, but like big things.
26:50
I'm going to stick with our strength. I'm going to stick with my strength.
26:52
I do not have that kind of creative bone in my body. You shine in many other
26:56
areas. I'm just going to lean into the good things.
26:58
So when did you open up Sugar Monsters? I had Sugar Monster from 2017 to 2020.
27:09
October of 2017 is when I moved into the shop. It was a magical coincidence
27:15
in life. Well, tell us the story.
27:17
I was living in a garden apartment in Brooklyn, which is where I started Sugar Monster.
27:22
At this point, I was pretty much solely producing TV.
27:26
I went through a major life change, big breakup. I was so depressed.
27:30
I was like, I need to start doing something for myself again.
27:32
So I started baking and making cakes.
27:35
I was at this high point of massive inspiration. I didn't have my child then.
27:40
I had zero responsibility. If I was inspired by something, I could quickly make
27:44
it or stay up all night decorating everything I was making.
27:47
I was in such a high level of inspiration at this point and action that I would.
27:53
Be inspired, make it, put it online. And it was this really quick turnaround.
27:57
I was posting all the time.
27:58
It was very rewarding. It's like, oh my gosh, look at all this stuff.
28:01
I'm making new designs. People are loving it.
28:03
And then I started getting more and more order requests. And I decided,
28:07
well, I could use some help here.
28:08
People started reaching out. Can I work for you? Can I intern with you?
28:11
I was like, yeah, I guess so. But I'm in my garden apartment.
28:14
So I ended up having two people that worked for me.
28:18
We were doing it in the apartment for like a year.
28:21
At this point, I moved in with a boyfriend, got rid of my bed,
28:24
turned my apartment into more of a proper workspace. But we're still just working
28:27
out of one tiny sink, one residential fridge.
28:31
And we're making really big orders at this point. So we're outgrowing the space.
28:35
And my landlord, too, is like, all right, Ash, I think we got to take the business to a proper kitchen.
28:42
I found a rental commissary kitchen in Long Island City that was good for a
28:48
period. I was a week out of being homeless with my business. I don't have a kitchen.
28:52
My landlords, I have to go. My commissary kitchen is not happening anymore. What am I going to do?
28:59
Then I get a call saying that there's this bakery. She's getting rid of everything.
29:03
Do you want to take over the space? I was like, oh my gosh. I knew deep down
29:07
something's going to come up.
29:08
I trust it. Sure enough, it came up. And we found this bakery.
29:12
And she was selling everything down to the paperclip. It was a hot mess because
29:16
it was full of so much stuff.
29:17
Okay. So I agreed to buy it.
29:21
The key money was like $100,000. And I'm like, what am I doing?
29:24
That's so much money, but I'm going to do it.
29:27
The week I decide to move in, I feel a little off. I decide to take a pregnancy test. Oh my gosh.
29:35
Literally like three days after committing to buy this place and move into it,
29:39
I find out that I'm pregnant in the bathroom of the shop.
29:41
I'm like, you got to be freaking kidding me. It was crazy. So then I ended up
29:46
having to back out of the deal.
29:49
We were at a handshake deal at that point. But I told her, I was like,
29:52
listen, I'm pregnant. I can't commit to this. So we ended up going month to month.
29:57
Next thing I know, she's trying to sell it while we're renting.
30:00
My best friend is coming into the kitchen with me.
30:03
We make the previous owner this lowball offer of what we could afford.
30:07
She agreed that offer gets split in
30:10
half because marisol and i are sharing the space so now
30:13
we offered her 50 grand which ended
30:16
up being 25 for the both of us get out i know i know that was just like a lot
30:21
of information right there this is incredible but it's like whoa i almost committed
30:25
to this space for 100 grand i had to back out because i got pregnant and now
30:31
we're able to get the same space for $75,000 less.
30:37
Unreal. And anyways, we ended up, so now I'm doing it with my best friend.
30:40
She has her cookie business. I have my cake business. We're in a legitimate
30:44
kitchen with actual equipment and the orders keep rolling in.
30:49
I'm doing a lot of production work, a lot of styling work, like Food Network
30:53
will come over all the time and I make content for them.
30:55
And then we started doing classes, which is
30:59
where we finally started making money because that's
31:02
the thing with custom cakes it is such a hard business
31:05
it's hard to train people it is not scalable like
31:09
you really got to get creative with it and where we
31:12
started to finally see that we were making money is when we started hosting
31:15
classes and the first few classes sold out instantly it was amazing having all
31:19
these people in our shop and then COVID hit closed everything down and this
31:25
is also mind you at the same time I'm working a full-time job at the Today Show
31:29
as their senior food stylist.
31:31
So because I'm pregnant, it's like, well, I'm not paying myself,
31:34
so I have to take this other job.
31:36
I would still work as a culinary producer and food stylist. And then I got offered
31:40
the job with the Today Show.
31:41
I have full benefits, consistent pay. Then I'll get a paycheck.
31:45
Then I can keep my team employed over here.
31:47
It was a really messy, crazy period of my life.
31:51
And so I would commute, like take the 509 train from Connecticut, go to the Today Show,
31:57
have to get over to Crown Heights to my shop and get back home all the meanwhile,
32:03
missing out on like 300 emails from live television that I have to sit through.
32:07
It was a whole lot. So then when COVID happened, everything shut down.
32:11
The shop stopped. We couldn't do our classes. They laid off the entire food department at the show.
32:16
And then I end up like staying at my mom's in Virginia for like two months and
32:20
was able to like, with my daughter, totally recalibrate life.
32:24
So I just. Thank God for your mom. I know. There are angels that get in there
32:28
and help you out when you need it. Yeah.
32:30
I just skimmed over a lot, but still crammed in a whole lot.
32:33
So I don't know if anyone is even keeping up to that.
32:36
Thank you for me. Every person listening to this is like, holy shit.
32:40
She did a lot in that time.
32:41
It was a lot. But because of that, especially my time at the Today Show,
32:45
it opened up so many amazing opportunities, created so many wonderful relationships
32:49
with other chefs and authors.
32:51
And it's just an amazing thing to have on my resume. It's like another wonderful experience.
32:56
And so coming out of COVID, you know, the shop was due for our lease renewal.
33:02
And I was like, I can't do it. I'm living in Connecticut now.
33:05
I'm not having to commute to the city. I don't.
33:08
Want this anymore. It was too much. Constant stress.
33:12
I lost my passion for cakes. I felt like I was just a counselor for my team.
33:18
I hated the managerial side of the business, the accounting.
33:22
How do you do both? I'm not good at it. I'm not good at it. I can be good at
33:26
it, but I have no interest. This is what designers have someone else who run the books.
33:30
Valentino. He had to split it up. One ran the books, the other one ran the design.
33:34
Because your mind can't, I don't think it's possible to be in two places. It's not.
33:37
I definitely learned a huge life lesson. I was spread way too thin in that moment
33:42
to even give myself space to hire someone else to take over that side for me.
33:46
I was just running on fumes, trying to keep my head above her.
33:50
How old is your daughter at this point? She was born in May of 2018.
33:54
And so she was just a couple of years old. I wanted to be home for her.
33:59
I see my daughter grow up the way that life was, it was not heading in that
34:03
direction. I was just overworked, overstressed, spread way too thin.
34:07
But I'm still, it was just very hard because I'm still getting all these massive opportunities.
34:12
I have to say now. COVID was a huge reset. That's where I was able to really
34:18
find myself and have time to ask, what do I even want?
34:22
That was a part of this snowball going down a hill, getting huge and huge.
34:27
But I'm like, wait, who was in the middle of that? Do I even want this?
34:30
And so I needed to step back and re-acclimate and really understand the path that I wanted to go on.
34:36
During that period of self-discovery and healing, after spending a year in that
34:41
space, then the bake squad call came up. And it's like, all right,
34:44
girl, you're ready to get back out there.
34:46
Space was there. Space is here. So that's what I'm doing now.
34:49
I don't have my shop. I'm totally fine with that.
34:52
I'm working freelance, which has its advantages for sure and also disadvantages.
34:57
I mean, a little more structure would be nice or security in a sense.
35:02
I'm trying to create that for myself in this next chapter.
35:05
I'm able to have an insane amount of time with my daughter.
35:09
I co-parent with her dad. And the times that I have her, I want to be fully available and present.
35:14
And this line of work has offered me that.
35:18
If I'm on a cookbook, for example, I'm grinding for a month.
35:22
But then I can take a month off if I wanted to. I am not a person that needs
35:28
much or even wants much as far as material things go.
35:34
Yes, of course, I want to be financially secure and set, but I'm not out there chasing that paycheck.
35:39
I'm not trying to keep up with the Joneses. I mean, we live in Fairfield, Connecticut.
35:44
It's an extremely wealthy town. Yes. And there is that pressure there.
35:49
But I also am very content with what I do have. So then to me,
35:54
my wealth comes from my available time to have with my daughter.
35:58
And if I have to exchange a few paychecks or a couple more zeros.
36:04
On my bank account, I'm fine. I don't need all that money. I have what I need.
36:07
I have a beautiful home, a beautiful life, amazing relationship with my daughter,
36:13
and freedom to explore with her. That's an incredible mindset to have.
36:19
Really incredible. Because you're amongst people who that's hard to see sometimes.
36:24
Hard to see people who are really satisfied and happy. Not in a fake happy way,
36:28
but just really satisfied with their life and doing what they love to do and
36:31
enjoying it and the process of it.
36:33
When I was styling like crazy when we moved out here because I was trying to
36:37
get new clients, because all my clients were in New York at this point.
36:39
Then we moved to Jefferson County and I'm like, okay, we got to start doing this again.
36:43
I basically missed all of Easton's kindergarten year. Couldn't remember any
36:46
of it. I was just grinding.
36:49
And at the end of that year, I was like, this is not happening again.
36:52
I will get him on the bus or drop him off at school. I will work when he's at
36:55
school and I will be home and I will be available when he walks in that door.
36:59
Because that was the balance that I could figure out.
37:02
I couldn't do it again. Yeah, but it's still like in that same breath.
37:05
It's like, where is that balance?
37:08
The entrepreneurial side is always in there. I'm always wanting to create or
37:12
build something, but also wanting to be a present mother.
37:17
So it's hard having that balance. Sometimes I do feel like the work stuff just has to wait until later.
37:23
Yeah. And it's hard to, I guess, sit with that at times. There's no balance.
37:29
I think it's ridiculous that people think there's a balance. Something gives.
37:32
And then show up and be a great partner to your spouse. Yeah, breathe in.
37:36
For yourself. And take your creatine and your vitamins and all this other stuff.
37:39
I've just found that you just do the best you can in the moment that you're
37:43
doing it. When you are with your daughter, you're with your daughter.
37:46
When you're working, you're working.
37:47
Sometimes it's like you're sitting at dinner. I really try not to do anything
37:51
at dinner. Like, the phone's away. Like, everyone's together.
37:53
I grew up in an Italian, Irish, and Spanish house. Like dinner,
37:57
food was where everything happened.
37:59
Meals were really important. That's what's really important for our family.
38:02
So meals are big. I love that. The kids are doing homework because they're older now.
38:05
Okay, well, you're doing your homework. I'm doing my homework.
38:08
My homework happens to be PTO emails or client emails.
38:11
That's the quote unquote balance that I have found. Yeah. Which at that point,
38:15
I can't help them with their homework. Also, they're getting old enough that
38:18
I don't know what the hell they're doing.
38:19
Like forget seventh grade math.
38:22
Thank God my husband is a numbers guy because my kids would be screwed.
38:26
They would be doing something else. Oh. It's not my forte. And they need you
38:29
more. Now they're getting older.
38:31
When they were little, they needed you in a different way. The emotional need now is so much higher.
38:37
The hormones are crazy with a third-year-old boy.
38:39
Oh, things I didn't even expect. I grew up with a sister.
38:42
So, like, I was meant to have boys. Like, it's very funny. I would not be a good girl mom.
38:47
The way I talk to my boys, girls would be terrified.
38:51
There's just no bullshit in my house. So the boys, but it's like a very different experience.
38:56
I learned as I go. I'm learning as I go. Yeah. There's no magic book.
39:02
Everyone's experiences are different. Everyone's life is different.
39:05
And it's constantly changing.
39:07
Oh, God, this is a whole other podcast with social media and these kids and
39:10
what's happening. Okay, so baking tips.
39:14
What are some tidbits of knowledge that we can give our listeners for baking?
39:19
Is there a tool that's been really helpful or something you do in the kitchen
39:23
that could help them when they're trying to make a cake or something like that?
39:27
Okay, so like bare bones tips. There's something called mise en place where
39:31
you read through your recipe. You get everything measured and set out for you.
39:36
You're setting yourself up for success.
39:38
Another thing is a digital scale I highly recommend.
39:41
And just watch videos like YouTube, TikTok for whatever you don't know and try new stuff.
39:47
Baking really is not that scary. Once you understand some of the fundamentals,
39:51
then it is, you can be very versatile.
39:53
You can be in the moment with it. People are like, oh, yeah,
39:56
I love cooking a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
39:58
You can have that freedom in
39:59
baking, too, as long as you're within certain boundaries, you know. Yeah.
40:04
If you're making a cake and wanting to throw in a bunch of chopped up peaches,
40:08
you got to think, okay, I'm introducing moisture.
40:11
So maybe I need to scale out moisture somewhere else. You got to really think
40:14
about everything you're incorporating, but you do have that freedom.
40:17
Yeah. Another thing with cakes, I like to keep my cakes really moist.
40:20
I'll take them out of the oven, let them sit in the pan for 10 minutes,
40:24
and then wrap them up in plastic outside of the pan while it's still warm and
40:27
put it right into the freezer.
40:28
Oh, wow. Get out. And then it stays all that moisture. Locks in.
40:33
And then, again, you can do a simple syrup as you're going, like,
40:36
macerating the layers. Yeah.
40:37
One thing I'm trying to do now in my baking, because I'm realizing how much
40:40
sugar is in everything, now that I'm a mom.
40:42
I'm trying to pull back on some of the refined sugar, using more honey, maple syrup.
40:48
My tastes have just changed. Yeah. I think getting older, too.
40:50
Like, I'll make some of my old cake recipes, and while they're so delicious,
40:53
I'm like, jeez. Do you have one that you like more than the other as a replacement for sugar?
40:59
Because I always find it difficult with the flavor profile of like honey and maple syrup. Yeah.
41:05
Certain things are good, but it can be overpowering. I've used olive oil when
41:08
I'm making waffles and pancakes. Nice.
41:11
Because, one, I don't have any other oil other than, no, that's not true.
41:15
I've been starting to get avocado because it's high heat. And I have some coconut oil in there.
41:19
But those are the only oils I have just because of all the oil issues we're
41:22
having, right? with which oils you can use and can't use.
41:25
And I'm like, well, I know those three are safe. So I'm just going to stick with that.
41:28
All of those are really powerful, strong flavor. Really put that in a full cake.
41:33
Can't change it. And just like with the honey and maple, it can be overpowering.
41:35
Or like a coconut sugar can be very strong in flavor.
41:38
But it's just about finding that balance and seeing what works.
41:41
You know, maybe it's diluting it a little bit with something else.
41:44
Or even just using a turbinado sugar.
41:48
I know it's like a larger grid. But there's things that can replace refined
41:54
sugar. It changes the flavor a little bit.
41:56
It can change the texture a little bit. But I don't need all that sweetness.
42:00
Now cane sugar now for everything. Nice. Like you just buy the bag of it and
42:03
place it in my coffee. It feels a little bit better than like a bleached processed.
42:07
White sugar. Yeah. I've been working. One of my other jobs is as a recipe developer.
42:13
I have clients that are huge on the internet. I don't disclose their identity
42:17
because I'm their magician behind scenes.
42:21
These are filler jobs in between other jobs. I have a client who...
42:25
Is very health-focused and I create recipes for them that are refined sugar-free,
42:31
gluten-free, vegan, dairy-free.
42:33
So I'm opening up a whole new way of cooking for myself, which is as a byproduct,
42:39
I'm baking a little healthier too.
42:41
I love it. I know. But I do feel the pressure to narrow it down a little more
42:46
because I'm doing all these things that give me freedom, but still I'm looking
42:50
for more of a, I don't know. Like the one thing that brings it all together.
42:53
Brings it all together. They're community-focused, service-driven, accessible.
42:58
I've been doing a lot of savory cooking, and especially now with food styling, cookbooks.
43:02
I did an entire cookbook last year on Mexican cuisine.
43:06
Oh, get out. I'm like, what am I doing? I can hardly pronounce half of this stuff.
43:12
But I did it, and I'm like, this is so great. It opened up a whole new way of
43:15
cooking for me, and all these new ingredients that are just so incredible to work with.
43:20
Then it went to another cookbook that was more savory-focused.
43:23
So, yeah, it's nice having these other opportunities to show myself that I'm not pigeonholed.
43:29
I like doing things that make me uncomfortable and where I feel like I'm out of my debt.
43:33
Doesn't that pressure lead you to be like your best? Yes. Yes.
43:37
Yes. Love it. I love that little like just one step further.
43:40
I can do this. I can do this. And it's that, you know, that edge. I think that's great.
43:45
I can't wait to see what you do. Yeah. I'm really excited for it.
43:48
At the end, I always ask three questions.
43:50
So the first question is, is there something on your bucket list?
43:53
Something fun that you want to do.
43:55
Wait, that's so funny. Yes, I have a very random bucket list item.
43:59
I want to sculpt a butter cow at a state fair.
44:04
Wait, like Jennifer Garner in the movie Butter where she like sculpts?
44:08
That is going to happen at some point in my life.
44:10
Yeah. Where are these? They're butter sculptures. Texas. Oklahoma.
44:15
Oh my God, it's going to happen. For anyone who runs the butter competitions.
44:19
Call me. Lucerne, whoever you want. Yes.
44:21
Kerrygold. Let's go. Apparently it's very competitive. I read this one article
44:25
about the Buttercow Sculptor, and she did it for like 45 years.
44:29
One has to say cold. Yeah, you're doing it. And you're also sculpting with very
44:33
old, rancid butter that's compacted over the years. It has to dry.
44:37
Yeah. So you can't use the super high fat butter from like the Irish butter that's tasty.
44:42
And then you have to do it and it smells. Apparently it stinks really bad.
44:45
It's a whole new realm. I know, but it seems so fun. Oh, I love it.
44:49
Oh, that's going to happen. The other random bucket list is Saks windows at Christmas.
44:55
Do some sort of set design, some sort of artsy, edible, frosting installation.
45:01
I used to pass their windows. Every morning I would walk from Grand Central to the Today Show.
45:06
And it was in the morning, quiet, so I just felt like it was just me in the
45:09
windows. And I would dream up.
45:11
I put an Instagram story out. I was putting it out in the universe.
45:13
That'd be so cool to do. And someone saw it that had connections.
45:17
They got back to me and they're like, oh, what would you actually do? So,
45:20
And so while nothing came of that, just the magic of putting things out there. Out there.
45:27
Yeah. That would be incredible. That would be so incredible.
45:29
Seeing it with like a Mackenzie Childs. Oh. You know her Mackenzie Childs in China?
45:33
Yeah, the checkered. Yeah, it's so colorful. There's this artist,
45:36
Scott Hove. He does a lot of work with piping, like buttercream or spackle.
45:41
He'll do cake rooms. And he's looking for his next project.
45:45
I reached out to him on Instagram, commented, and he actually responded.
45:50
To me, this is someone that has been so cool to me for so long.
45:53
Like, oh my gosh, what if we did a collaboration?
45:56
I want more collaborations in life. It's one of the words of 2025 for me.
46:00
Collaboration. It's such a good word.
46:01
Collaborating on ideas, on projects, on anything.
46:06
Because while you're thinking one way, it's so great to get someone else's perspective.
46:10
And then that combination.
46:12
Better together. Oh, it's magic. Yeah. Another question. Is there something
46:15
you've changed your mind about recently?
46:18
That's a good question. I was in this perpetual cycle of saying yes to everything
46:24
and recognizing that I was actually doing a disservice to myself and sometimes
46:29
to the projects that I would say yes to if I was spread too thin,
46:33
regretted committing because it didn't align.
46:35
So maybe just changing my mind about the work's going to be there.
46:40
I can take time off, and that's okay. I can create my own world and reality.
46:47
Saying no is even more powerful, I think. Yeah.
46:51
It's so good. It wasn't like a direct answer to that question.
46:55
But that's true, though. And I also think I've been thinking too much.
46:58
We always think too much. That's like that. Mel Robbins is like,
47:01
just get out of bed. Five, four, three, two, one. Yes. Stop thinking.
47:04
Yeah. Just get up and do it. It was in this period of reflection and healing
47:07
and therapy. Really trying to unpack a bunch of things in life.
47:12
I feel like we've done a lot of good work on the healing for the past five years.
47:16
Let's do a little less thinking about everything. Stop overanalyzing everything.
47:20
Because a lot of that thinking then
47:21
turns into fear, which then turns into inaction or analysis paralysis.
47:27
So, yeah, I want to change my mind about not thinking as much.
47:32
And then is there one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?
47:35
Oh, Ashley. Ashley.
47:38
You are enough. Yeah, that's it. You are enough. Yeah.
47:42
God, wouldn't that have been great to be told that? God, the healing.
47:46
Wouldn't have led to a lot less shit. Me having a daughter, like,
47:49
especially at her age right now, like, so many repressed memories come up.
47:53
I'll catch my own dialogue sometimes. And I'm like, imagine Chloe speaking to herself like that.
47:59
What would you say to her in this moment of self-doubt or she's being self-critical?
48:03
Like I have to be my own mother at points to
48:06
say like stop that cycle of
48:09
talking bad to yourself or feeling like that comparison
48:13
or whatnot but yeah you are enough I am enough and I
48:16
have nothing to prove nothing this was so fun great it's already I know I come
48:20
by so fast we have so much more to talk about I feel like we've just touched
48:23
the surface yeah you gotta come back once you're in your next step even not
48:28
even if you figure your life out just come back and hang It's been so fun.
48:31
So fun. It's so great to meet you.
48:34
Thank you so much for joining me today on She's Smart. New episodes drop every Thursday.
48:39
Don't forget to subscribe and share. Stay cozy.