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52 | Boudoir Feet Pics · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Aaron Ross Powell Eric, I think I have to ask you a question about a private matter, if that's okay.
• 0:06
  Eric: Aaron Ross Powell Okay.
• 0:07
  Eric: Go on.
• 0:08
  Matt: Aaron Ross Powell I feel that hopefully this is a this is a good space to have this kind of conversation, if that's okay.
• 0:15
  Eric: No, yeah, man, like always, man.
• 0:17
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:27
  Eric: Jump and I will catch you.
• 0:29
  Matt: Yeah, okay.
• 0:33
  Eric: Baby, baby, no.
• 0:34
  Eric: Baby boy.
• 0:35
  Matt: Sweet angel.
• 0:37
  Matt: I got a real underwear problem.
• 0:39
  Matt: Oh.
• 0:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:41
  Matt: Yeah.
• 0:41
  Matt: You see, Eric, I am I am many things.
• 0:46
  Matt: But I think one thing the people who know me know about me is I am a very, very loyal person.
• 0:55
  Matt: Yes.
• 0:56
  Matt: Uh once you have I and I I take great pride in the fact that I think and consider my loyalty to be uh um difficult to earn and almost impossible to lose once you've gained it.
• 1:12
  Matt: 100%.
• 1:14
  Matt: And someone has gained it and lost it.
• 1:18
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:19
  Matt: And that person is Haynes.
• 1:22
  Matt: Haynes.
• 1:23
  Matt: The corporation of Armies.
• 1:26
  Matt: Haynes.
• 1:27
  Matt: No, I'm not sure.
• 1:28
  Matt: Because my loyalty is not just to people, it extends to brands.
• 1:31
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:31
  Matt: Oh.
• 1:31
  Matt: I am a marketer's dream.
• 1:33
  Matt: You truly are.
• 1:35
  Matt: And I have been wearing Haynes boxer briefs for as long as I've since I made the switch.
• 1:43
  Eric: And you look damn good in them.
• 1:46
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:47
  Matt: Since probably like 2008, I've been wearing boxer briefs.
• 1:53
  Matt: Once I had the teenage awakening that boxers are terrible, boxers are trash.
• 1:59
  Matt: I may I made the change and never looked back.
• 2:03
  Matt: And I've been relying on Haynes.
• 2:05
  Matt: And Haynes has been making their underwear the same way for decades.
• 2:12
  Matt: And then with no warning, narrow no memorandum sent around.
• 2:20
  Matt: They've just changed the fucking formula.
• 2:22
  Matt: And now they're tight.
• 2:24
  Matt: They don't fit right.
• 2:25
  Matt: The long-legged, not as long.
• 2:28
  Matt: Not as long, let me tell you.
• 2:32
  Matt: Elastic band, piece of shit.
• 2:34
  Matt: Oh, and what am I left with?
• 2:36
  Matt: I'm left with a drawer full of dying underwear.
• 2:40
  Matt: Let me tell you about my last month and a half, two months, three months.
• 2:44
  Matt: I don't even know how long I've been on this journey, Eric.
• 2:46
  Matt: Okay.
• 2:47
  Matt: I have just been on Reddit.
• 2:50
  Eric: You are safe.
• 2:51
  Eric: You are safe, Matt.
• 2:52
  Matt: I've been on Reddit asking strangers what underwear they wear.
• 2:57
  Matt: What can be trusted?
• 2:59
  Matt: You know how many brands of boxer briefs I have purchased in the last, let's say, like 10 weeks.
• 3:07
  Eric: I want to just say, just uh no, I don't also.
• 3:10
  Eric: This feels like an ad.
• 3:13
  Eric: Seven.
• 3:14
  Matt: Okay.
• 3:14
  Matt: I have bought seven packs of boxer briefs from different companies, and each and every one of them are a piece of shit.
• 3:23
  Matt: You went to seven different brands.
• 3:27
  Matt: I've ordered them.
• 3:28
  Matt: Eric, I have crap.
• 3:29
  Matt: I'm serious.
• 3:30
  Matt: I went on Reddit and was like, what are the best boxer briefs?
• 3:33
  Matt: People told me.
• 3:34
  Matt: Let me tell you, people have been talking about like Thief in the Night or some shit that's an Amazon brand.
• 3:39
  Matt: Got them.
• 3:40
  Matt: They're a piece of shit.
• 3:41
  Matt: Okay.
• 3:41
  Matt: Don't buy Bezos' boxer briefs.
• 3:44
  Matt: That's what I have to say about that.
• 3:45
  Matt: I don't know what to do, Eric.
• 3:47
  Matt: I don't know what to do.
• 3:49
  Eric: I don't know.
• 3:49
  Eric: I don't know what I could possibly suggest to do.
• 3:52
  Eric: What underwear do you wear?
• 3:53
  Eric: That could fill.
• 3:54
  Matt: What underwear do you wear, Eric?
• 3:56
  Matt: Hanes.
• 3:57
  Matt: You wear Hanes?
• 3:58
  Matt: Yes.
• 3:58
  Matt: Boxer briefs?
• 3:59
  Matt: Yes.
• 4:00
  Eric: And you don't you don't have a problem with the fact that they changed the formula?
• 4:03
  Eric: I I honestly got when did this change take place?
• 4:07
  Eric: I'm not quite sure.
• 4:08
  Eric: Because like the last pair of Hanes I bought was like two or three months ago.
• 4:12
  Eric: So I don't know if this is No, no, no.
• 4:14
  Matt: Then it changed.
• 4:14
  Matt: I tried to the first time I tried to buy Hanes and uh again to re-up my subscription, if you will, was in like uh March or April or something.
• 4:25
  Matt: Got you.
• 4:25
  Matt: And that's when I noticed it was bad.
• 4:27
  Matt: And then I tried ordering them on Amazon and tried doing back orders, and they're all gone.
• 4:33
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
• 4:34
  Eric: Actually, sorry.
• 4:34
  Matt: Are you telling me you have something so personal that you put around the family, jewels as as as it's called, and you haven't noticed intimately a change?
• 4:47
  Eric: So let me be let me be let me be brief.
• 4:52
  Eric: So they're actually I I I don't I'm I'm not you.
• 4:56
  Eric: Don't I know it?
• 4:57
  Eric: I am like I'm just falling through this life, catapulting through this existence like like a man drowning in the wave pool with six flags.
• 5:06
  Eric: I'm just grabbing on the ankles and praying.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 5:10
  Eric: I have a couple of briefs that I got from this company online.
• 5:15
  Eric: They're very, very comfy.
• 5:16
  Eric: I I, for the life of me, can't remember the name of the brand right now.
• 5:19
  Eric: Is it me undies?
• 5:20
  Eric: It's not me undies.
• 5:22
  Eric: Um oh god, I wish we were pulling those numbers.
• 5:25
  Eric: I wish we could we could I wish we had a promo code, right?
• 5:28
  Eric: I wish we had a fucking promo code.
• 5:30
  Eric: I also don't even look at brands.
• 5:32
  Eric: Like if I'm in the store and I see a pack of underwear, I'm like, oh, those look cute.
• 5:36
  Eric: I'm like, I'll I'll feel I'll like I'll I'm I'm a terrible person.
• 5:39
  Eric: I like if I can like wedge my finger into the packaging and like just feel the material.
• 5:43
  Eric: I'm like, ah, yeah, it feels okay.
• 5:44
  Matt: I think we can all admit that we have taken a a pair, a buck, a pack of underwear into the dressing room to give it a try and then left it there.
• 5:53
  Matt: I think we can all admit it.
• 5:54
  Eric: We can all admit it.
• 5:55
  Eric: We've all taken the proverbial grape from the uh from the fruit of the loom, yes.
• 6:00
  Eric: Yes.
• 6:00
  Eric: Which, by the way, enjoy this mandala effect.
• 6:03
  Eric: Apparently, do Matt, let me let me ask you something.
• 6:05
  Eric: So sorry.
• 6:06
  Matt: Describe Fruit of the Loom, by the way.
• 6:08
  Eric: Sucks.
• 6:08
  Eric: Hey Matt, describe to me the fruit of the loom logo.
• 6:11
  Eric: Describe to me the objects that are within it.
• 6:14
  Eric: Uh it's like a cornucopia.
• 6:16
  Eric: It is not.
• 6:17
  Eric: It is not a cornucopia.
• 6:19
  Eric: Everyone thinks that Fruit of the Loom shows a cornucopia.
• 6:23
  Eric: It never has.
• 6:24
  Eric: They have never had that as their logo.
• 6:26
  Eric: Google it right now.
• 6:28
  Eric: It is it is the new Barenstein Bernstein fucking thing.
• 6:31
  Eric: Because up until recently, I I I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that there was a cornucopia in the Fruit of the Loom logo.
• 6:39
  Eric: There is not and has never been.
• 6:42
  Matt: I do see that the first result of it actually comes up under the Mandela Effect Wiki fandom page.
• 6:50
  Matt: Welcome to hell.
• 6:51
  Matt: Yeah.
• 6:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 6:52
  Matt: So that's your corner, that's your contribution to my conundrum?
• 6:55
  Eric: No, my contribution is.
• 6:56
  Matt: First of all, you told me you wore I'm I'm still reeling.
• 6:59
  Matt: I'm still waiting for the justification because you told me you wear Hanes.
• 7:02
  Matt: I think you told me you wear a bunch of brands.
• 7:04
  Eric: The most recent brand I bought was a bag of Hanes.
• 7:08
  Matt: Okay, and you didn't the the most re the most recent bag you bought, you just out here buying whatever your fucking hand grubby little hands can get.
• 7:18
  Eric: I was in a Walmart.
• 7:18
  Eric: I needed I needed breeze.
• 7:20
  Eric: Walmart.
• 7:21
  Eric: Matthew?
• 7:22
  Eric: You buy underwear from Walmart?
• 7:25
  Eric: Matthew.
• 7:25
  Eric: Needs must, my friend.
• 7:27
  Eric: Needs must.
• 7:28
  Matt: And uh You you're well I you're well aware that the brand the hold on.
• 7:33
  Matt: Yeah.
• 7:33
  Matt: The brands that are being sold, like the Haynes, the version of Hanes that are being sold in in Walmart are not the same Hanes that are sold other places, like Coles or or or JC Benny.
• 7:43
  Matt: Wait, fucking what?
• 7:45
  Matt: It's it's definitely not.
• 7:46
  Matt: It's like a weird version.
• 7:48
  Matt: Once I got this version of Haynes, back when Haynes was Haynes, they had like this boxer briefs that I got from like a Walmart or some such place that had like an exterior tag.
• 8:00
  Matt: That's not Hanes.
• 8:01
  Matt: Haynes doesn't have that.
• 8:02
  Matt: It was still a Haynes thing.
• 8:04
  Matt: But Haynes doesn't, it has been tagless for like years.
• 8:07
  Matt: Are you fucking with me?
• 8:08
  Matt: I am not fucking with you.
• 8:10
  Matt: I just went so okay, so you just bought your Walmart undies.
• 8:14
  Eric: And but I and I did not enjoy them.
• 8:17
  Eric: Yeah, no fucking shit, you didn't enjoy them.
• 8:19
  Eric: So I I say that so just to offer uh like like hold aloft the torch of solidarity with you, Matthew.
• 8:27
  Eric: Um but I do have some good news.
• 8:30
  Eric: What?
• 8:32
  Eric: There is a beacon.
• 8:33
  Eric: Okay.
• 8:34
  Eric: Guide me, guide me ashore.
• 8:36
  Eric: So I bought I bought the Hanes, but before I bought the Hanes, a couple weeks prior to that, I bought a small pack of Kirkland signature brand boxer briefs from Costco.
• 8:50
  Eric: At this point, I'll try anything.
• 8:51
  Eric: Matthew, I am like look like look me in the eyes, my son, and know me to speak you true.
• 8:58
  Eric: The Kirkland brand briefs fucking slap.
• 9:02
  Matt: All right, and this uh I know for our listeners, maybe this is too much, but I I don't care.
• 9:06
  Matt: This is where we're at.
• 9:08
  Matt: It's not it's not part of that new that new fad with the with the pocket.
• 9:13
  Eric: The pocket?
• 9:14
  Eric: No, there ain't no fucking pocket on my pocket.
• 9:16
  Matt: Like the section.
• 9:19
  Matt: You know what I'm talking about?
• 9:20
  Eric: No, no, describe it to me.
• 9:23
  Matt: There are these underwear out here that have sections.
• 9:27
  Matt: You're not picking up what I'm putting down?
• 9:28
  Eric: So like we're not talking about the fold.
• 9:31
  Eric: We're not talking about the slot.
• 9:32
  Eric: Not the folds.
• 9:33
  Matt: Not the folds, not the slot.
• 9:34
  Eric: Okay.
• 9:35
  Matt: Okay.
• 9:35
  Matt: No, not the peekaboo slot.
• 9:37
  Eric: Oh, yeah, not the peekaboo slot.
• 9:39
  Matt: No.
• 9:39
  Eric: There is a there is now there are like cargo briefs?
• 9:43
  Matt: No, there's un- I'm saying there's underwear.
• 9:45
  Matt: I was trying to not go right out at it, Eric, but I guess you want me to go at it right to it.
• 9:49
  Matt: There are there's underwear being produced now that has a separate little fold that you put your balls in and you put your dick elsewhere.
• 9:55
  Matt: Oh, that is wild.
• 9:57
  Matt: Yeah, it's crazy to me.
• 9:59
  Matt: It's absolutely insane.
• 10:00
  Matt: And you know who's probably about to do it?
• 10:02
  Eric: No, absolutely.
• 10:02
  Eric: Give it a spin.
• 10:03
  Eric: No, absolutely not.
• 10:05
  Eric: I'll throw myself on that.
• 10:07
  Matt: I'm an adventurous man, but not that adventurous.
• 10:10
  Matt: No way.
• 10:10
  Eric: Okay.
• 10:11
  Matt: No way.
• 10:12
  Eric: But Eric, I I'll I'll stow Malcolm and and Malcolm and Donald Bain and Dunsonane.
• 10:18
  Matt: I mean I I am I am thankful for the Kirkland suggestion because I'll try anything.
• 10:23
  Matt: Because Eric, I'm telling you, after seven brands, this is really starting to become an issue because I my my my remaining hanes are breaking down.
• 10:35
  Matt: Eric, I'm running out of onto.
• 11:05
  Matt: I'm Eric Poach.
• 11:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:09
  Matt: We gotta we gotta shift the energy.
• 11:11
  Matt: We started talking out about some private matters.
• 11:14
  Matt: Now we're just coming as we are.
• 11:16
  Matt: Get it private matters.
• 11:17
  Eric: Ah, private matters.
• 11:19
  Matt: Crotch region.
• 11:20
  Matt: Fall sling.
• 11:21
  Matt: I should inform you, this is the 52nd episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 11:27
  Matt: Eric, you got a you got a number pun for us or something?
• 11:31
  Eric: Fuck God damn.
• 11:32
  Eric: Now I'm now I'm self-conscious about it.
• 11:34
  Matt: I know.
• 11:34
  Matt: I you I've never prompted you for them.
• 11:36
  Matt: You they usually just come out.
• 11:38
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 11:38
  Eric: Fity two.
• 11:39
  Eric: That's how we do.
• 11:40
  Eric: Nice, nice.
• 11:41
  Eric: Got them.
• 11:42
  Eric: Nice.
• 11:42
  Eric: Um I've almost guarantee I've used that rhyming pun before, but now it's fresh.
• 11:47
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 11:48
  Matt: But it came authentically.
• 11:50
  Matt: So even if it is uh duplicated, it came as it was.
• 11:53
  Matt: It came as it was.
• 11:54
  Matt: Yes.
• 11:55
  Matt: All right.
• 11:55
  Matt: All right.
• 11:56
  Matt: So should we come as we are and jump right into some questions, Eric?
• 12:00
  Matt: Oh god.
• 12:00
  Matt: Now that we've been fucking around with all these underwear-based questions.
• 12:04
  Matt: Put me in.
• 12:05
  Matt: Not a single one of them was a question.
• 12:07
  Matt: It was just it was just from my growing up.
• 12:10
  Matt: Anyway, our first question, Eric, comes from at Zach Deuce.
• 12:16
  Matt: Zachy D, that's the boy for me.
• 12:19
  Matt: Indeed he is.
• 12:20
  Matt: And today, uh frequent question submitter, Zachy D, asks, what is the appropriate punishment for coworkers that eat your lunch?
• 12:34
  Matt: How delicious.
• 12:36
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:36
  Matt: And Eric, I have to say, I think we're gonna have to rely on you a little bit for this question.
• 12:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 12:42
  Matt: Uh I work at home and have for a very long time.
• 12:47
  Matt: Now I've worked in an office.
• 12:48
  Matt: I can't say I've ever had the issue with someone eating my lunch.
• 12:52
  Matt: Have you had the issue personally?
• 12:55
  Eric: I I have not had that issue because we live in a society.
• 13:01
  Eric: I have not been on the receiving end of this, but I have been adjacent to people who have.
• 13:08
  Eric: I see.
• 13:09
  Eric: It's never pretty.
• 13:12
  Eric: It could be a declaration of war.
• 13:14
  Eric: And and I want to be clear, we're discussing, right, a scenario, not in which someone goofed, not in which, like, you know, maybe we all had like you know, maybe the company put out for catering.
• 13:31
  Eric: We all had our little little boxes or bags, like our identical bag, someone accidentally grabbed the wrong bag, made it halfway into the sandwich, where they're like, oh no, this is not my, you know.
• 13:42
  Matt: Personally, I'd say I don't even see how a goof scenario could realistically happen.
• 13:49
  Eric: I I know, and this is me being generous with the human race.
• 13:52
  Eric: I I I just give them so much rope.
• 13:56
  Eric: Um And they just continue to hang themselves with it.
• 13:59
  Eric: It it is true.
• 14:01
  Eric: Uh, but we are discussing a scenario in which a coworker knowingly knowingly, purposefully, maliciously, maliciously, thank you.
• 14:13
  Eric: Premeditated eats your goddamn.
• 14:16
  Matt: Maybe not premeditated.
• 14:17
  Matt: It could it could be third degree eating, but but but they you know they it could have been a spontaneous act and and decision, but it is a decision.
• 14:28
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, it it is a choice.
• 14:30
  Matt: There is no one who brings, I don't know, a tuna sandwich and finds themselves biting into a turkey sandwich and go, whoops, no one does that.
• 14:44
  Eric: No one does that.
• 14:45
  Eric: The second I pick a sandwich up, I can like tell by the weight of it.
• 14:48
  Eric: It's it's like that scene in like Taken where we're we're like Liam Neeson's like visiting his French buddy and his and you know, if I can his French buddy pulls a gun on him the whole time, and then Liam Neeson's like, ah Jean-Claude, you've been you've been out of the game for too long.
• 15:01
  Eric: You can't, you don't know the weight of an unloaded gun anymore.
• 15:03
  Eric: And then he's like, I got your bullets.
• 15:05
  Eric: Like the turkey is the bullets in this situation.
• 15:08
  Eric: If I pick up my turkey sandwich, I um there's a weight that I expect, and then I know I've crafted this sandwich myself.
• 15:14
  Eric: A tuna sandwich, though, that's dense.
• 15:17
  Eric: That is heavy.
• 15:18
  Eric: I picked those like that is not turkey.
• 15:19
  Eric: I have fucked up.
• 15:20
  Eric: No, and I'll tell you what I would do in this situation because I've I have been on the like I have gotten the the brown bag out and I have started taking shit out.
• 15:30
  Eric: And like, as soon as I reach out, I'm like, oh no.
• 15:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 15:34
  Eric: Oh no.
• 15:35
  Eric: And then I immediately put it back.
• 15:37
  Eric: I try to arrange everything exactly the way I found it, fold that shit back up.
• 15:41
  Eric: And if I know, and if I can find out, like suss out whose lunch it is, I will immediately approach them and be like, hey dog, sorry.
• 15:48
  Eric: I was like elbow deep in your bag before I realized what happened.
• 15:52
  Eric: Because they will know, they they will know, they will know, they will know.
• 15:57
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 15:58
  Matt: That there is no world where this is a goof.
• 16:00
  Matt: This like you have to know, even if you accidentally picked it up, you continue to eat it.
• 16:08
  Matt: Because what are you gonna do?
• 16:09
  Matt: Put back a one uh one bite mark turkey sandwich?
• 16:13
  Matt: No, you're not.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_04: Like there are so many factors.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_04: There's and we're only talking about sandwiches.
• 16:19
  Matt: If yeah if you brought a salad and instead eat someone's hoagie.
• 16:24
  Matt: Like Jesus, you know what you did.
• 16:26
  Matt: You didn't you didn't go, oh, whoops.
• 16:29
  Matt: I just forgot I brought a totally different meal.
• 16:33
  Matt: Pobuddies nerfe.
• 16:35
  Matt: Like, no, not here.
• 16:37
  Matt: Not not like this.
• 16:39
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 16:40
  Matt: This is and like I said, this is I believe this is one of the crimes that SVU describes as being especially heinous.
• 16:47
  Eric: Yes, and this is also this is what I like to call a perfect crime, but not in the usual sense.
• 16:55
  Eric: It's perfect in that, oh, I am fully justified in however I choose to react to this, finding out you ate my lunch.
• 17:03
  Eric: I'm like, I could, I, I could do anything to you.
• 17:08
  Eric: I don't think anything you would deserve.
• 17:09
  Eric: Not anything, but like I don't think anything.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: But God, you deserve it.
• 17:13
  Eric: Like I am, I am, I have the full righteous authority to take to take vengeance.
• 17:19
  Matt: Yeah, but you don't have the you don't yeah, I I don't think You can't kill them.
• 17:24
  Matt: I don't think you're justified in killing them.
• 17:26
  Matt: I don't think you're justifying in, say, ripping out their toenails.
• 17:30
  Matt: I don't think that's a justification either.
• 17:34
  Eric: This isn't gitmo.
• 17:36
  Matt: No.
• 17:36
  Matt: I I but what can you do is what we've been taught tasked with.
• 17:41
  Matt: Because I think, you know, uh a stern talking to isn't enough.
• 17:47
  Matt: Because where are you gonna get with that?
• 17:49
  Eric: Honestly, honestly, if they're the kind of person who would knowingly eat another person's lunch, there is nothing that a stern talking to, you might as well be screaming into the void.
• 18:00
  Eric: And that that is not there, there is only one thing they will understand.
• 18:03
  Matt: And to that same point, there's no point in talking to HR.
• 18:08
  Matt: What are they gonna do?
• 18:10
  Eric: The fuck are they gonna do?
• 18:11
  Matt: They don't care.
• 18:11
  Matt: You want to know why?
• 18:12
  Matt: Because nothing in this scenario is threatening to the company.
• 18:15
  Matt: And a reminder to everyone that HR is there to protect the company and not to protect you.
• 18:21
  Matt: HR is not your friend.
• 18:23
  Matt: HR is not your friend.
• 18:24
  Matt: So the so we can't rely on HR.
• 18:27
  Matt: We can't rely on a third party.
• 18:30
  Eric: We're in fact, we're going to have to approach this in a vein similar to Liam Neeson and Taken.
• 18:37
  Matt: I do think this calls for some self-executed justice.
• 18:42
  Matt: A particular set of skills.
• 18:44
  Matt: A particular set of skills must be called upon.
• 18:46
  Matt: And I think those particular set of skills should be prank skills.
• 18:51
  Eric: Oh, oh, yes, 100%.
• 18:53
  Eric: I I am I'm on board with pranks.
• 18:55
  Matt: I I don't think you should even respond by like eating their lunch because for two reasons.
• 19:01
  Matt: One, that's just going that's the low road.
• 19:05
  Matt: That's not what Michelle Obama wanted.
• 19:07
  Matt: No.
• 19:08
  Matt: No, you we go high.
• 19:10
  Matt: And in this case, high is something more devious.
• 19:12
  Matt: And the second reason is if they're stealing your lunch, that means their lunch sucks.
• 19:20
  Matt: Sucks ass.
• 19:21
  Matt: So why would you want to steal it?
• 19:24
  Matt: Meanwhile, you got you've got a a a lunch that's being lusted over.
• 19:29
  Eric: Oh, salivated over.
• 19:30
  Eric: Coveted.
• 19:32
  Eric: Coveted, Matthew.
• 19:33
  Eric: To the point that people are committing what I would call a workplace sin.
• 19:38
  Eric: This is 100% a workplace sin.
• 19:42
  Eric: It's a workplace sin.
• 19:44
  Eric: You have broken the covenant.
• 19:46
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 19:47
  Matt: So how would you respond, Eric?
• 19:50
  Matt: So And let's say it's me.
• 19:52
  Matt: Let's say you say it's reason to believe that I ate your lunch.
• 19:59
  Eric: Oh, okay.
• 20:00
  Eric: For simplicity's sake, can we just go ahead and like I've caught you in the act or I've looked at it?
• 20:05
  Eric: Okay, yeah, you're right.
• 20:06
  Eric: No, you're fair.
• 20:07
  Matt: You have you have evidence that I've done.
• 20:10
  Eric: I have you dead to rights.
• 20:11
  Matt: You have me dead to rights.
• 20:12
  Eric: Oh, that just makes this so much better.
• 20:14
  Eric: Let's make it simple.
• 20:15
  Matt: I agree.
• 20:15
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:16
  Eric: Uh I am so I have to think about this in terms of what kind of human being I'm dealing with.
• 20:24
  Eric: I agree.
• 20:24
  Eric: Because it's at that point, Matthew, like, or like he ate my lunch.
• 20:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 20:28
  Eric: And let's assume for the say no, like Matthew ate my lunch.
• 20:32
  Eric: I'm like, all right, I am, you know, safety's off.
• 20:34
  Eric: I am now dealing with a with a goddamn sociopath.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 20:39
  Matt: I think the only thing And if it is me, uh as you could probably tell from the opening segment in which I I cited my loyalty, if I have knowingly eaten your lunch, I'm unhinged, baby.
• 20:53
  Matt: You have lost it.
• 20:55
  Matt: Something's off in my brain.
• 20:57
  Eric: I was and like to further back that up, the thought I was having kind of coming from the other direction of like if Matt knowingly ate food that someone who isn't him or Lindsay or a trained food professional prepared.
• 21:12
  Eric: Like it is a cold day in hell before Matt Shea is like, oh yeah, I'm gonna put this stranger's food in my mouth.
• 21:19
  Matt: I'm just me, the guy who at a party looks at any sort of dip and has the immediate thought of how long's this been out for?
• 21:27
  Matt: How long has this been out?
• 21:28
  Matt: You feel on the side of the bowl.
• 21:29
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 21:30
  Matt: I've felt some bowls.
• 21:31
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 21:32
  Eric: I've felt some bowls in my day.
• 21:34
  Eric: Uh whereas me over here, I'm like, I'm sure that's still good.
• 21:40
  Eric: Um Yeah, God, isn't that the fucking truth?
• 21:43
  Eric: But it i if if if I'm dealing with that kind of if I'm dealing with the kind of person who would knowingly eat someone else, yeah.
• 21:48
  Eric: Maybe I'm a bad example because it does it does imply.
• 21:51
  Matt: I know.
• 21:52
  Eric: The implication is you've just lost your fucking mind.
• 21:54
  Matt: I'm calling the implication is I have gone postal.
• 21:58
  Eric: So so let's let's uh It's not you.
• 22:01
  Eric: It's a coworker.
• 22:02
  Eric: It's someone I know.
• 22:02
  Eric: You know, it's someone and it's the scut farcus of the scut farcus, yes.
• 22:08
  Eric: Honestly, at that point, my sincere belief is that no amount of talk we're done talking.
• 22:15
  Eric: There's no talk to be had.
• 22:16
  Eric: No talk to be had.
• 22:22
  Eric: Because I my my ultimate goal here is I do not ever want this to happen again.
• 22:28
  Eric: Of course.
• 22:28
  Eric: To me or to anyone else.
• 22:30
  Eric: And I think as a society, we often forget how good of a tool shame is.
• 22:38
  Eric: Oh, interesting.
• 22:39
  Eric: Like, I think we've we've we've kind of like, oh, right.
• 22:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 22:43
  Eric: Shame.
• 22:44
  Eric: I think shame is the only for someone who has the audacity to eat someone else's lunch, I think shame is the appropriate tool.
• 22:51
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:52
  Eric: Uh and how would you wield it?
• 22:55
  Eric: Um the appropriate punishment for me, this would both please me in my sense of justice and appropriately shame them as a deterrent for them ever doing this again.
• 23:08
  Eric: I would I would require them to wear a very stupid fucking hat, like a big old dunce cap that says, I'm a big baby who eats other people's lunches.
• 23:17
  Eric: They have to eat that every time they eat their lunch.
• 23:20
  Eric: How how are you not they don't have to eat that, they have to wear that every time they eat their lunch.
• 23:24
  Matt: How are you going to to enforce that?
• 23:27
  Matt: How's that gonna be possible?
• 23:29
  Matt: They're just gonna take it off.
• 23:30
  Eric: Oh, I'm gonna sit next to them everyone.
• 23:33
  Eric: I'm gonna say, oh, oh, that's the other way I'm gonna be punishing them.
• 23:36
  Eric: I'm now their lunch buddy forever.
• 23:38
  Eric: Like, cause like I don't I don't give a fuck.
• 23:42
  Eric: I will be sitting next to you the entire time.
• 23:44
  Eric: I'm like, put that on.
• 23:46
  Eric: And they're like, I don't wanna.
• 23:47
  Eric: I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna show this video to HR and literally every single person we work with.
• 23:51
  Eric: Oh like I like I and like I won't I I'll I'll throw HR out there, but I'm like, oh no, I'll show this to our manager.
• 23:58
  Eric: I'll show this, I'll show this.
• 23:59
  Eric: Like you might tell everyone.
• 24:01
  Matt: You just tell everybody.
• 24:02
  Matt: Hey, Craig eats lunches.
• 24:04
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 24:05
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh, oh, oh yeah.
• 24:07
  Matt: You should you could pull it off in in meetings, in business meetings.
• 24:12
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 24:13
  Matt: The second he says something out of line, you can just be like, that's what I expect out of somebody who eats another person's lunch.
• 24:20
  Eric: Yeah, like 100, and I will make this clear.
• 24:22
  Eric: I will sit down, like, yeah, let's be clear, I am blackmailing you.
• 24:25
  Eric: I am extorting.
• 24:26
  Matt: Oh, you so you're not gonna put it out there.
• 24:28
  Eric: Oh no, that's that's gonna be how I enforce my my ridiculous punishments.
• 24:32
  Eric: That is uh like I'm like, this is what you will this is what will happen if you disobey me.
• 24:38
  Eric: That I will I will out you.
• 24:40
  Eric: Oh yeah, you will wear the stupid hat while you eat your lunch.
• 24:43
  Matt: But Eric, a wrinkle.
• 24:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:45
  Matt: What if they don't give a shit?
• 24:46
  Eric: Oh, if they don't give a shit, what if they don't care?
• 24:49
  Matt: Go ahead and tell people I ate your lunch, you big bozo.
• 24:53
  Eric: Oh, at that point, I just I just stick very hard to becoming their permanent lunch buddy.
• 24:58
  Eric: Like, where where where the fuck can they go to eat their lunch that I cannot follow?
• 25:02
  Eric: Aside from their car.
• 25:03
  Eric: And in which case, I also win because now they're eating lunch in their car while I sit on the hood the the hood of their car eating mine, staring them down.
• 25:11
  Matt: You could do that.
• 25:12
  Matt: You could do that.
• 25:13
  Matt: I think if you have the skills, you could get in there on that computer of theirs and cause some havoc.
• 25:20
  Matt: I mean, I mean, do some classic pranks.
• 25:22
  Matt: Hook up an additional mouse that you're just that you're just out here moving around at your desk.
• 25:29
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 25:29
  Eric: No, that's good.
• 25:30
  Eric: There's also the classic uh Windows has that shortcuts uh key for flipping someone's screen upside down.
• 25:36
  Matt: And the Yeah, or or getting into their dictionary and replacing word auto auto-replace words.
• 25:42
  Eric: Classic.
• 25:43
  Eric: Oh, renaming and changing around all their icons on their desktop.
• 25:47
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 25:48
  Matt: But you gotta do it religiously.
• 25:49
  Matt: I mean, you gotta do it every single time.
• 25:52
  Matt: No, you must be dedicated to it.
• 25:54
  Matt: Because, you know, I brought up pranks to begin with, but pranks generally are very lighthearted.
• 25:59
  Eric: Mine is all about vengeance.
• 26:00
  Matt: Well, pranks generally are lighthearted, or at least are done in the spirit of friendship to a certain extent.
• 26:07
  Matt: 100% to a certain extent.
• 26:09
  Matt: You know, so if you're gonna come out here and wrap their whole desk in tinfoil or something like that, generally that's done to someone who you know can take joke.
• 26:19
  Matt: It's not necessarily the punishment.
• 26:23
  Matt: No.
• 26:23
  Matt: Yeah, you you have come up with very personal, like dedicating yourself to fixing it.
• 26:31
  Eric: Because I'm already like not doing anything for myself when I'm at work.
• 26:36
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 26:37
  Eric: Like, I'm at work.
• 26:38
  Eric: I have already accepted the fact that I'm like, none of this is my choice.
• 26:42
  Eric: None of this is what I would be doing if I had any option.
• 26:45
  Eric: So I might as well.
• 26:46
  Eric: I'm like, I I left my soul at the door.
• 26:49
  Eric: Oh.
• 26:50
  Eric: I left, oh yeah, that's waiting in the car.
• 26:53
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 26:54
  Eric: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
• 26:55
  Eric: My spirit is out in the Jeep Wrangler right now.
• 26:59
  Eric: Oh God, why would you do it?
• 27:02
  Matt: We gotta talk about how you're punishing your soul.
• 27:05
  Eric: What you have right now is the revenant.
• 27:07
  Matt: Oh god.
• 27:09
  Matt: What you see before meet you is an empty husk.
• 27:13
  Eric: Yes.
• 27:14
  Eric: And you just ate this husk's lunch.
• 27:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 27:17
  Eric: You just, you just, uh, you just slammed my fingers in the little slot that my that my my goodwill feeds me, you know, numb stuff.
• 27:26
  Eric: I kind of like the lunch every day.
• 27:28
  Matt: I kind of like the lunch buddy technique because what you could do is, as I don't know if the listeners fully know, but I know you know, I'm a very dedicated Survivor fan.
• 27:38
  Matt: And I have watched ev literally every moment of Survivor.
• 27:43
  Matt: And a number of seasons ago, there was a contestant by the name of Christian who did not have, who was very smart, but didn't necessarily have the physical attributes to win individual immunity challenges the way other people did.
• 27:57
  Matt: But what he did have is a mouth.
• 28:00
  Matt: And there was a classic stamina challenge, you know, standing on a pole, uh, holding up a bucket of water kind of thing.
• 28:10
  Matt: Love it.
• 28:10
  Matt: For as long as, you know, be the last one standing.
• 28:13
  Matt: And it was him and this fucking bro, this like muscle-bound bro.
• 28:19
  Matt: And I forget the bro's name, but we all remember Christian because Christian somehow it got down to the two of them.
• 28:27
  Matt: And he said, no, nope.
• 28:30
  Matt: Sorry, Chris, sorry, little Christian, kind of very demean demeaning.
• 28:34
  Matt: Oh, and so Christian, oh, God bless him.
• 28:37
  Matt: I'll never forget it.
• 28:39
  Matt: Christian just started talking and talking and talking.
• 28:45
  Matt: And Survivor did the fade out and fade in one hour, two hours, four hours, five hours, and he's just going on, he's reciting screenplays.
• 28:58
  Matt: He's he's doing a full-on filibuster.
• 29:01
  Matt: And the other guy is like, shut the fuck up.
• 29:04
  Matt: And Christian does not care.
• 29:05
  Matt: Christian's just going on and on about whatever, about fracking, about whatever comes into his fucking mind until this guy finally just is like, fuck it, and falls off.
• 29:20
  Eric: Amazing.
• 29:21
  Eric: And you could do that at the lunch table.
• 29:23
  Eric: Exactly.
• 29:24
  Eric: Like, that's that's the main thing I want to leverage here.
• 29:28
  Eric: I'm like, oh, we are both under contract here, my friend.
• 29:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 29:33
  Matt: I'm like, you have abused the social contract, and now I'm going to wherever they go to eat their lunch, you find them.
• 29:41
  Matt: They go outside into their car to eat their lunch.
• 29:45
  Matt: You pull your Wrangler up a long side of them and blast an audiobook about string theory.
• 29:54
  Eric: Yes.
• 29:54
  Eric: Like I you will know no piece.
• 29:57
  Matt: You get out, you get, I'd say roll down your window, but you got a Jeep Wrangler.
• 30:01
  Matt: So you just reach that long arm of yours over there and go boom, boom, boom.
• 30:05
  Matt: Hey, you like Malcolm Gladwell?
• 30:11
  Matt: What are your thoughts on the tipping point?
• 30:14
  Matt: Oh.
• 30:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:17
  Eric: Yes.
• 30:18
  Eric: This is this is Until what?
• 30:20
  Matt: But until what?
• 30:21
  Matt: Until he apologizes?
• 30:23
  Matt: Oh.
• 30:23
  Matt: Until he bakes you a pie.
• 30:25
  Matt: What has to happen?
• 30:27
  Eric: Until he comes to me, until he kneels and presents me with his own fucking lunch.
• 30:33
  Eric: I'm not even gonna until he bends the I just I just want it.
• 30:38
  Eric: I just want to like give me that, and I'm gonna throw it in the trash.
• 30:41
  Eric: That's exactly what I would have done.
• 30:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 30:43
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 30:44
  Eric: Yeah, your lunch goes in the trap.
• 30:45
  Matt: Yeah, he comes to you on bended knee, presents you with a lunch.
• 30:48
  Matt: I made you the sandwich that I ate, your sandwich.
• 30:53
  Matt: I'm so sorry.
• 30:54
  Matt: Please stop annoying me.
• 30:56
  Matt: And you take it, you look him dead in the eye, and you just let it tumble to the pavement.
• 31:02
  Eric: Oh, bro.
• 31:03
  Eric: I'll even, I'll even help him.
• 31:05
  Eric: Like, like, in terms of like, and when he finally crags like, I'll do whatever.
• 31:09
  Eric: Like, okay, I want you to make me the lunch that you ate.
• 31:12
  Eric: And I'll like I'll describe to it, I'll describe the exact problem.
• 31:15
  Eric: And I want it to be a thing.
• 31:16
  Eric: Like he brings me the first one, like, nope.
• 31:18
  Eric: And like, not good enough.
• 31:19
  Eric: Not good enough.
• 31:20
  Eric: And like, like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna eat it.
• 31:22
  Eric: You just sniff and then when he sniff it, not good enough.
• 31:24
  Eric: Toss it over the five.
• 31:25
  Eric: And then once he's finally done it, like he has absolutely nailed it.
• 31:30
  Eric: That is when we're like, well, well done.
• 31:33
  Eric: And that's and yeah, and then I'll throw the last one in the trash.
• 31:35
  Matt: I got I'll do do I thought of one better.
• 31:37
  Matt: One better than that you could do than throw it away.
• 31:40
  Matt: You say, you look at it, you examine it, you smell it, you sniff it, and you say, smelling and sniffing, very different.
• 31:47
  Matt: And you smell it, you sniff it, and you say, This.
• 31:52
  Matt: This is my lunch.
• 31:54
  Matt: Hey Janice, you want a turkey sandwich?
• 31:56
  Matt: No, oh my god, give it to someone else.
• 31:58
  Matt: Just give it to somebody else.
• 31:59
  Matt: Fuck it, give it to somebody else.
• 32:01
  Matt: And then while he's staring at you, slack jawed, you lean in and say, Don't you ever fuck with my food again, you piece of shit.
• 32:11
  Matt: And then you leave him alone.
• 32:13
  Matt: Then the war is over.
• 32:14
  Matt: The war is over.
• 32:15
  Matt: The debt is paid.
• 32:17
  Matt: The debt is paid.
• 32:19
  Matt: The the articles of surrender have been signed.
• 32:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 32:23
  Matt: Oh man, I think we got it.
• 32:24
  Matt: I think we got it.
• 32:25
  Eric: Yeah, I think I think we nailed it.
• 32:26
  Eric: I think we that was good.
• 32:28
  Matt: I think we I think we got around to it.
• 32:30
  Matt: Don't you think?
• 32:31
  Eric: God, we are vicious.
• 32:32
  Matt: Yes, absolutely.
• 32:33
  Eric: Yes.
• 32:34
  Matt: Now, actually, it's funny because we do kind of have a transition question here, because uh back in the thought line here, Eric, we we've got some voicemails that and we talked about this on a previous episode that are from two sides of the same argument.
• 32:51
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 32:53
  Matt: And this is also asking about a certain culinary procedure.
• 32:56
  Matt: Ooh, omnom nom nom nom nom nom.
• 32:58
  Matt: Feed me, Matthew.
• 33:00
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 33:00
  Matt: So uh Eric, um, should should we cue these up?
• 33:05
  Matt: Yes.
• 33:06
  Matt: Tee it up, my friend.
• 33:07
  Eric: Okay.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_01: Matt, Eric, this is Updog TM, uh, first time long time.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I just wanted to see if you guys can help me out.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't know if you know this, but a lot of the questions that either I submit or um my wife anything coffee based submit stem from arguments that we often have at home.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um one of which is who has to clean up dinner?
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: So our deal is whenever I cook dinner, he cleans up, and whenever she cleans up, I'm sorry, whenever she cooks dinner, I clean up.
• 33:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this is a great deal for her because when I cook, I normally use one or two pans and a spatula.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: But when she cooks, she'll use four or five pans, twelve spatulas, the whole work for her entire kitchen is in disarray by the end of the meal.
• 33:59
  Matt: Ooh, shots fired.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I need to find out if there's some happy medium, or if you can please help us with this predicament.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, any answers are appreciated.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great day.
• 34:12
  Matt: Well, updog P.M.
• 34:14
  Matt: Um thank you.
• 34:15
  Matt: But then, Eric, this this case took a little bit of a turn.
• 34:19
  Eric: Yeah, because initially we just had this.
• 34:22
  Matt: Initially we just had this, but then a few days later, we received this voicemail.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Matt and Eric.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Amy Santa Coffee Face here, wife of Updog PM.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: So he just informed me that he submitted a question about who does the dishes and brought up some points that I feel are invalid.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: I clean for you.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: You clean for me.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just needed to put that little tidbit in there.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um and perhaps my cooking is more complicated and needs more things.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: And a move on class, if you will.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas he's just you know, I'm just joking.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: He's a really good cook, and I am miserable in the kitchen.
• 35:12
  Eric: But backpedaling, backpedaling.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's the rule, and it doesn't matter how big a mess I make.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 35:21
  Matt: Well, both Updog PM and Amy Senka Coffee Face, thank you for the question.
• 35:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 35:28
  Matt: Um, Eric, this this is dare I say, this is a bit personal.
• 35:32
  Eric: This is very personal.
• 35:34
  Eric: We are, I can feel so many couples listening to this right now.
• 35:40
  Eric: I just feel them all leaning in and looking sideways at each other.
• 35:44
  Matt: I I can feel I can feel my my own wife like leaning into this wall, like busting through it.
• 35:53
  Matt: So I have thoughts.
• 35:55
  Matt: Yeah, well, okay, go ahead and share them.
• 35:57
  Eric: I have thoughts.
• 35:58
  Eric: This is a safe space.
• 35:59
  Eric: Thank you.
• 36:00
  Eric: And and both Updog and Amy Senka Coffee Face, uh one you're both such lovely human beings.
• 36:09
  Eric: Look at you.
• 36:10
  Eric: Cleaning and cleaning and cooking for each other.
• 36:12
  Matt: And instead of fighting about this, you you turn to us.
• 36:17
  Matt: You turn to two podcasters.
• 36:19
  Matt: Oh, and I guess couple counselors.
• 36:22
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 36:23
  Eric: Put it on the card.
• 36:24
  Eric: Put it on the card.
• 36:25
  Eric: What I'm not gonna do is sit here and be like, one person is right and one person is wrong.
• 36:31
  Eric: I what I think what most people would do.
• 36:36
  Eric: What most people would do.
• 36:37
  Eric: The first thing I want to think, I think we have some missed opportunity here.
• 36:41
  Matt: Right?
• 36:41
  Matt: All right, I'm intrigued.
• 36:42
  Eric: What I'm getting at is uh updog, I deeply appreciate your laconic cooking.
• 36:49
  Eric: Straightforward, to the point, one or two pots, much the same way.
• 36:54
  Eric: But if you have this from every indication, a delightful human being who is who is willing to to clean, this is your time to stretch.
• 37:07
  Eric: This is your time to experiment.
• 37:09
  Eric: Oh my dude, give it a try.
• 37:11
  Eric: If you know what I mean, like you know, if you if you find yourself, you know, holding back, fucking spread your wings and soar.
• 37:17
  Eric: Because it sounds like Amy would gladly do more dishes if you dirtied them.
• 37:23
  Matt: Yeah, it well, it sounds like she'd be gladly do more dishes if you made a more a more complicated meal.
• 37:30
  Eric: And I am treat the lady.
• 37:32
  Matt: Is that what you're saying?
• 37:33
  Eric: Oh no, no, no, no, no.
• 37:35
  Eric: I'm sure his cooking fucking rules.
• 37:36
  Eric: She said it then.
• 37:38
  Eric: She said it then.
• 37:38
  Matt: It was a bit of a backpedal, but she still said it.
• 37:40
  Eric: And what I'm not getting at is I'm not saying arbitrarily or artificially dirty more dishes, but like you know, this is a partnership, right?
• 37:51
  Eric: You have got to be willing to jump off that ledge, spread your wings, and soar.
• 37:56
  Eric: Because if you fall, if you fall, yeah, she's there to catch you, baby bird.
• 38:01
  Eric: She's gonna catch you.
• 38:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 38:02
  Eric: Meaning she's gonna clean the clean the dishes.
• 38:04
  Eric: She's gonna clean the sink out, she has to.
• 38:06
  Eric: Because like what I don't want to do, I don't want to tell another person, like, hey, use less.
• 38:13
  Eric: Do less.
• 38:14
  Eric: I'm like, no, no, no, no.
• 38:15
  Eric: Because we each have our own what I would much rather tell someone is like, fucking go harder, dog.
• 38:21
  Eric: Go like fucking go Eric.
• 38:23
  Matt: Go for it.
• 38:23
  Matt: Send it.
• 38:24
  Matt: You're bringing up some good points.
• 38:26
  Matt: Thank you, Matt.
• 38:26
  Matt: I think I need to point out that none of them are addressing the question.
• 38:31
  Eric: What I'm getting at is I that's what I mean when I say I don't think anyone's wrong here.
• 38:35
  Eric: What I think needs to happen.
• 38:36
  Eric: What I think needs to happen is in the words of The Lion King, we gotta step blinking into the sun.
• 38:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 38:44
  Eric: Sure.
• 38:45
  Matt: But but but Eric, there is a there is a reality here, right?
• 38:49
  Matt: Like somebody has cooked dinner.
• 38:52
  Matt: The question is, who is responsible for what?
• 38:56
  Matt: I think is the question.
• 38:58
  Matt: Now, what I would say, all right, first of all, I can because again, I can feel I can feel my wife leaning so hard against the wall, she's gonna bust through the drywall any second.
• 39:08
  Eric: I can actually see a Lindsay-shaped face pressing in the pressing season one like Freddie Kruger.
• 39:14
  Eric: Uh I like that we both went different directions.
• 39:17
  Matt: Yes.
• 39:18
  Matt: Yes, it's busting through.
• 39:21
  Matt: We have sort of fallen into a pattern where for the last several years, like pandemic era on, I'd say, where Lindsay has done most of the cooking.
• 39:32
  Matt: Historically, we'd switch back and forth, and we had the same rule that if uh if if whoever cooks, the other person's supposed to clean.
• 39:42
  Matt: That's that is generally my approach to life as well.
• 39:44
  Eric: That is that for me, I'm doing those dishes.
• 39:47
  Matt: Right.
• 39:48
  Matt: Now, as such, I find myself in a hard position because Lindsay has done mo uh is doing most of the the cooking.
• 39:56
  Matt: She does a wonderful job.
• 39:58
  Matt: She she's getting a, you know, she f we used to do these meal kits all the time.
• 40:03
  Matt: We went through all of them home chef, uh, blue apron.
• 40:06
  Matt: You know, we we did we did them all.
• 40:09
  Matt: And then we, you know, now Lindsay's making uh delicious meals, recipes that have become like a uh staples, you know, of this household.
• 40:20
  Eric: You have a staples in your household because you'll never run out of printer paper.
• 40:23
  Matt: Staples in our household.
• 40:24
  Matt: And so that does leave me in the position per the agreement of doing the dishes all all all the all the time.
• 40:34
  Matt: All the time.
• 40:35
  Matt: And I also feel like to a certain extent, that's not fair.
• 40:39
  Matt: And I will say why.
• 40:40
  Matt: I have a good reason.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 40:42
  Matt: I Matt, can you feel them all leaning in?
• 40:45
  Matt: I can feel everyone.
• 40:47
  Matt: History has its eyes on me.
• 40:51
  Matt: But it's okay because I have a very good reason.
• 40:54
  Matt: Okay.
• 40:55
  Matt: I really don't like doing dishes.
• 40:57
  Matt: I mean, I hate it.
• 40:58
  Matt: I mean, I I really dislike that.
• 41:01
  unknown: Oh.
• 41:02
  Matt: Have you done have you done them?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody tar and feather this monster freak.
• 41:07
  Matt: No, no, listen.
• 41:08
  Matt: Do you believe it?
• 41:08
  Eric: This man doesn't like doing dishes.
• 41:10
  Matt: Hold on, listen, listen.
• 41:11
  Matt: Have you tried it?
• 41:12
  Matt: It sucks.
• 41:13
  Matt: I mean, it's not fun, you know?
• 41:15
  Matt: That's why restaurants hire people just to do it.
• 41:21
  Matt: All right.
• 41:22
  Matt: So uh I'm doing a public Mia culpa because sometimes, and I like to think that I've gotten better about it, but there have been periods of time where I just have slacked off on my end of the bargain, okay?
• 41:40
  Eric: There is no human being in this planet that does not have negative traits.
• 41:44
  Eric: Everyone has their price of admission.
• 41:46
  Matt: I I I don't I truthfully, I don't have a good justification here.
• 41:50
  Matt: I'm just saying that sometimes I'll let them sit.
• 41:53
  Matt: Because sometimes after the meal, after work, after the existential dread, I just can't be bothered to do it.
• 42:01
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 42:02
  Matt: And she's always doing the dinners.
• 42:05
  Matt: And uh, you know, we it's the pattern we've fallen into.
• 42:07
  Matt: And I'm not saying I never cook dinner anymore, but these days it's few and far between.
• 42:12
  Matt: And so that leaves an endless stream of the dishes.
• 42:16
  Matt: And I think we can all agree it's more fun to dirty them than clean them.
• 42:20
  Matt: That's true.
• 42:21
  Matt: I'm not saying it's not work, of course.
• 42:22
  Eric: I don't think anyone would argue with that.
• 42:24
  Matt: I'm just saying.
• 42:26
  Eric: Go on.
• 42:28
  Eric: It's hard.
• 42:29
  Eric: Dig deeper.
• 42:29
  Eric: It's hard.
• 42:30
  Eric: It's hard.
• 42:30
  Eric: And and let's let's acknowledge that.
• 42:32
  Eric: In fact, Matt, I I I hear what you're saying is let us just acknowledge that nobody fucking likes doing the dishes.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody it's the short end of the stick.
• 42:42
  Eric: It is the short end.
• 42:44
  Eric: It sucks.
• 42:45
  Eric: It's not fun.
• 42:45
  Matt: And no one nobody has done it all.
• 42:48
  Matt: There's uh so if you don't make dinner, you don't eat.
• 42:53
  Matt: Right?
• 42:54
  Matt: Somebody's gotta make dinner.
• 42:56
  Eric: Somebody have oh, okay.
• 42:57
  Eric: If someone doesn't make dinner, we don't eat.
• 42:59
  Matt: There's an immediate consequence.
• 43:01
  Matt: If you don't do the dishes, they can always wait till the morning, right?
• 43:06
  Matt: Like, I'll get them in the morning.
• 43:07
  Matt: Oh, get them in the morning and then you don't.
• 43:09
  Matt: And then you just don't, and then they're just still there.
• 43:11
  Matt: And so the the well, I guess what I'm saying is it's it is hard because there is an out with the dishes.
• 43:18
  Eric: With the dishes, you have an out.
• 43:20
  Eric: You just have the option to not do them.
• 43:23
  Eric: They don't ha they don't have to be done immediately.
• 43:26
  Eric: Yeah, you uh it's oh social contract.
• 43:29
  Eric: Yeah, it does.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_02: Once you've had the first taste to procrastinate.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_02: Once you've just let them soak overnight once.
• 43:42
  Matt: Well, see, that's I'll say this in the comfort of this, I because I can feel her leaning against the wall since I shamed myself.
• 43:47
  Matt: You know, she's she's eased off the gas.
• 43:50
  Matt: Lindsay's a big fan of the soak overnight thing, and like I think can we all admit together, we all know that's bullshit, right?
• 43:58
  Matt: Like nothing needs to really.
• 44:00
  Matt: Soak that long.
• 44:01
  Eric: It's bullshit in the sense that it any given thing needs about five minutes to soak in a hot coat.
• 44:06
  Matt: Yeah, an hour at most.
• 44:07
  Eric: You know?
• 44:08
  Eric: And then and because I've also had people do that to me, like, oh, I'm just letting him soak.
• 44:11
  Eric: And then they let the country.
• 44:24
  Matt: So I I'm not I know I'm and I know all I'm doing is adding complications.
• 44:30
  Matt: Yeah, you are.
• 44:31
  Matt: I admit that that is And we all hate you for it.
• 44:35
  Matt: I know it.
• 44:36
  Matt: I can feel the letters coming in.
• 44:38
  Matt: But they have asked us what they have said, I think what they have stated is what should happen.
• 44:47
  Matt: So here's my should.
• 44:48
  Matt: What should and I admit it.
• 44:49
  Matt: Here's my should.
• 44:50
  Matt: I can say that I'm breaking the social law, but by saying if somebody cooks, the other person should clean, I think that's fair.
• 44:59
  Eric: Here's my should.
• 45:00
  Eric: Give us a should.
• 45:01
  Eric: Should asterisks.
• 45:03
  Eric: I'll come back to the asterisk.
• 45:04
  Eric: All right.
• 45:05
  Eric: What it should be is a fairly equal distribution of physical and emotional labor.
• 45:12
  Eric: Okay, yeah.
• 45:12
  Eric: Follow me here.
• 45:14
  Eric: If it took me all of 20 minutes to dirty 10 pots and pans somehow, I can't reasonably expect someone to spend the next like hour or two having to clean all that shit because I was just like, all right, brrh.
• 45:31
  Eric: So certainly not all at once.
• 45:33
  Eric: We've got to try to get our effort ratios about pert near equal, right?
• 45:39
  Eric: Right.
• 45:39
  Eric: Like if it, you know, if I spent an hour and a half cooking, but I only dirtied two dishes, you're really only going to going to be doing like 20 minutes of labor there cleaning them.
• 45:55
  Eric: We've got to find ways to plug these gaps.
• 45:58
  Matt: What I'd say, if we're gonna and if we're gonna be a couple counselor, we have to address the couple directly, I think.
• 46:04
  Matt: And so what I'd say, it sounds like Amy, updog, you've got you've got the bones of the agreement, right?
• 46:15
  Matt: You've got the bones.
• 46:16
  Matt: The somebody cooks, the other person cleans, you're already switching off.
• 46:19
  Matt: And I think that's beautiful.
• 46:21
  Matt: That's beautiful.
• 46:22
  Matt: That's beautiful.
• 46:23
  Matt: That's that's poetry in motion.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:25
  Matt: But what you what you need to perfect here a little bit is perhaps an inner compromise.
• 46:32
  Matt: Perhaps uh Amy, perhaps you.
• 46:36
  Matt: Maybe you can examine how many dishes are being used.
• 46:39
  Matt: Maybe there's ways to condense.
• 46:42
  Matt: Maybe there's maybe there's streamlining that can be done.
• 46:45
  Matt: Maybe there's some streamlining that can be done.
• 46:48
  Matt: Maybe if something is, you know, boil you're waiting for something to boil, perhaps a prep pan can be washed while you do that.
• 46:57
  Matt: That's one less you're taking off the docket.
• 47:00
  Eric: Oh, and that's something I will address that in the room.
• 47:02
  Eric: Yeah, that is something when I'm cooking, I do make every effort to kind of clean as I go.
• 47:06
  Matt: I try to do it as well.
• 47:08
  Matt: But I also get stressed out cooking a lot of times.
• 47:10
  Matt: And that's why I think Lindsay took over, because I'd get a little I get a little stressed by trying to do stuff.
• 47:17
  Matt: But other than bacon, I mean bacon can be stressful too, but I'm a much better baker than I am in general cook, I think.
• 47:23
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:24
  Eric: Um, I also want to say, you know what, Matt, this is this is not just for for Amy Senko Coffee Face and Up Dog.
• 47:31
  Eric: It's the it's it for me too.
• 47:33
  Eric: Beautiful couple.
• 47:34
  Eric: It's for humanity.
• 47:35
  Eric: Oh this is this is the big asterisk I was talking about.
• 47:38
  Eric: The word so when I said here's my should asterisk.
• 47:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 47:41
  Eric: The asterisk is this homies, life ain't ever gonna be equal.
• 47:46
  Eric: Like, you know what I mean?
• 47:48
  Eric: Life ain't it at the end of the day, yeah, in any relationship you ever have forever, swallow this pill now.
• 47:56
  Eric: There's no such thing as, well, we've done everything completely equally.
• 48:01
  Eric: That just doesn't exist.
• 48:03
  Eric: There will always be situations where it's unbalanced.
• 48:07
  Eric: There will always be that imbalance there.
• 48:10
  Eric: I think.
• 48:11
  Eric: But here's here's the fucking cool thing.
• 48:13
  Eric: We we tend to get a little way too hung up on making sure everything's distributed evenly when really what we should be focusing on is making sure that for both people, this is the key, both of us have to to to get this.
• 48:28
  Eric: We both have to feel as if the other person is contributing equally.
• 48:34
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 48:34
  Eric: It's the difference between like we we don't need to bust out a ledger and tally everything up or try to get each other on technicalities.
• 48:43
  Eric: We just need to make sure that both of us feel that the other person is in our fucking corner and fighting for us.
• 48:50
  Eric: Like the a phrase that a coworker shared with me once, and this always stuck in my brain.
• 48:56
  Eric: This, like, this, this was like my point.
• 48:58
  Eric: He's like, he's like, there's no such thing as a 50-50 relationship, doesn't exist.
• 49:03
  Eric: He's like, but what people should do is each partner, it should be a 60-40 relationship where each person is giving the 60.
• 49:13
  Eric: Oh, wow.
• 49:14
  Eric: Yeah, just let marinate on that one.
• 49:16
  Eric: That was my that was my good friend Eric, who lives out in Seattle now.
• 49:19
  Eric: He's a wonderful human.
• 49:21
  Matt: Thank you, Eric's friend Eric.
• 49:22
  Matt: Yeah, the uh where I thought you were gonna go with that is that it's sort of it's always 60-40, but the person giving 60 and the person given 40 flip.
• 49:34
  Matt: Some days you're only some days you're only 40.
• 49:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:37
  Matt: And you're gonna need the other person to be picking up the 60.
• 49:40
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 49:40
  Eric: And that's the key, and and that's part of it too.
• 49:43
  Matt: Some days you're gonna have to be picking up the 60.
• 49:45
  Eric: It doesn't mean go as hard as you can all the time.
• 49:48
  Eric: It means just always be striving to be the 60 in that in that in that ratio.
• 49:53
  Eric: And like and give yourself permission to be the 40.
• 49:55
  Matt: And like to I'll put it back on myself.
• 49:58
  Matt: Do I sometimes let the dishes slide from time to time when I should just get them done?
• 50:04
  Matt: Yes, I do.
• 50:05
  Matt: Yes, I do, and that's a bad trait of mine.
• 50:07
  Matt: But but I also think I have an inner uh an inner alert system that tells me, no, no, Matt.
• 50:17
  Matt: It is important that you make a spotless kitchen right now.
• 50:22
  Eric: Yeah, not just the dishes.
• 50:23
  Matt: Not just the dishes, but you better clean the stuff.
• 50:26
  Matt: Like you j you gotta feel your partner out.
• 50:30
  Matt: You gotta feel them out.
• 50:31
  Matt: If they're having a rough day, maybe you do the both.
• 50:35
  Matt: Or maybe you do the ace in the hole that we certainly take advantage of, probably too much in this house, which is hey, you want to order something?
• 50:46
  Eric: Oh it's beautiful.
• 50:48
  Eric: Or, or it's just that very real thing of like, if you can feel if you're coming in the kitchen, you're like, all right, I this is how many spoons I have for cleaning dishes today.
• 50:57
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 50:59
  Eric: Give them the heads up.
• 51:00
  Eric: Be like, hey, homie, I will clean any dishes you throw at me, but good God, if you could just throw a few at me and not.
• 51:07
  Matt: We're gonna have to have a future discussion.
• 51:09
  Matt: I hate to get us off rails.
• 51:11
  Matt: Lindsay recently has also been using this phrase of I don't have the spoons for this.
• 51:16
  Matt: And I'm like, where are you people getting this spoon metaphor all of a sudden?
• 51:21
  Matt: Oh, all the spoon.
• 51:22
  Matt: Are you familiar with spoon theory?
• 51:23
  Matt: All the people, yeah, that's what she said.
• 51:25
  Matt: You don't know spoon theory?
• 51:26
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 51:27
  Matt: I mean, we're not we don't have time to go down this rabbit hole.
• 51:30
  Matt: Maybe it's a future question.
• 51:32
  Matt: I'm just saying, huh?
• 51:34
  Eric: Oh, man leaving it there.
• 51:36
  Eric: I'll I'll I'll leave this with you.
• 51:37
  Eric: Just marinate on this.
• 51:38
  Eric: Uh spoon doesn't matter.
• 51:41
  Eric: The word spoon doesn't matter.
• 51:42
  Eric: It can be anything for you.
• 51:43
  Eric: I would imagine to be uh pitchers in the bullpen.
• 51:45
  Matt: We'll come back to it.
• 51:46
  Eric: We'll come back to it.
• 51:47
  Eric: We'll come back to it.
• 51:48
  Eric: We got it.
• 51:48
  Eric: We got it.
• 51:48
  Eric: We got it.
• 51:49
  Eric: We got it.
• 51:49
  Eric: I'll I'll don't worry.
• 51:51
  Eric: I'm a trained counselor, Matt.
• 51:52
  Eric: I can get you.
• 51:53
  Matt: Maybe a future question.
• 51:54
  Matt: Maybe a future question.
• 51:55
  Matt: Future question.
• 51:56
  Eric: Oh my God, that's gonna be an amazing day.
• 51:58
  Eric: I cannot wait to explain spoons to you.
• 52:00
  Matt: If some if somebody is out there got can put the right words on the spoon theory question, by all means, you know how to give it get it to us.
• 52:08
  Eric: But but needless to say, if you can feel you're out of gas, if you can see that needle treading so closely to E, and you know you can't face like a wall of dishes, just tell your partner that.
• 52:19
  Eric: Just be like, hey, homie.
• 52:21
  Eric: Or conversely, if you're if your spouse was like, yo, I've been busting so much ass on this dinner, and like you can see them busting ass on this dinner, and you're like, man, there's not gonna be like any dishes left.
• 52:32
  Eric: There's gonna be like a pot, a pan.
• 52:35
  Eric: That's when you gotta feel it out, and you'll be like, you know what?
• 52:37
  Eric: What else can I do?
• 52:38
  Eric: Maybe I can sous chef for them.
• 52:39
  Eric: Maybe I can be in there fucking chopping garlic or something.
• 52:41
  Eric: Maybe, maybe, maybe like Matt, like you said, you're like, oh, maybe go the distance, maybe instead of just dishes, maybe I'll go that little extra, maybe wipe down the counters while I'm at it.
• 52:49
  Eric: You can feel it.
• 52:50
  Eric: You can feel it.
• 52:51
  Eric: You're like, all right, I've done it.
• 52:53
  Eric: That's where the the the 60-40 always trying to begin the 60.
• 52:57
  Eric: Like, just always try to go, just try to take that little extra step for each other.
• 53:01
  Eric: Because if you do that, you're both gonna feel so supported.
• 53:04
  Eric: You're both gonna be the wind beneath each other's wings.
• 53:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 53:08
  Matt: And listen, if all else fails, you can always make up for it with sexual favors.
• 53:15
  Matt: You know that.
• 53:15
  Matt: Okay, there we go.
• 53:16
  Matt: I mean, just you can always make up for it, is what I'm saying.
• 53:19
  Matt: There's always a way.
• 53:20
  Matt: There's always a way.
• 53:22
  Eric: Up dog, you can send Amy feet picks.
• 53:28
  Eric: I think that's what they're into.
• 53:32
  Eric: Am I gonna check?
• 53:33
  Matt: I was I was trying to do a nice exit on a joke.
• 53:37
  Matt: Oh, some boudoir feet picks.
• 53:39
  Matt: And here you come with boudoir feet picks.
• 53:43
  Matt: Oh, man.
• 53:45
  Matt: Man.
• 53:46
  Matt: Here with your wiki feet nonsense.
• 53:48
  Matt: Yep.
• 53:49
  Matt: Uh so we say cagli.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: That is your answer.
• 53:55
  Eric: Enough talk, PM.
• 53:56
  Eric: That's the solution.
• 53:57
  Eric: Boudoir feet picks.
• 53:59
  Eric: Thank you for the question.
• 54:06
  Matt: I hope we have I hope we provided some guidance.
• 54:10
  Matt: Oh skipped it.
• 54:14
  Matt: Okay.
• 54:15
  Matt: Um, all right.
• 54:16
  Matt: So I think we've done a great job redefining doing the dishes.
• 54:21
  Matt: Putting the woezy in them tozies.
• 54:25
  Matt: All right, scrub daddy.
• 54:27
  Matt: Uh so that that that's that question there, Eric.
• 54:34
  Matt: There we go.
• 54:35
  Matt: Um now we uh I we're already clocking in a lot of time here.
• 54:39
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 54:40
  Matt: But uh we do have one other qu segment, other question I've been excited for.
• 54:45
  Matt: So let's get to it.
• 54:46
  Eric: This one, oh yeah, this one comes from Matt, from my co-host.
• 54:50
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 54:50
  Matt: That's it's from this old noodle up here.
• 54:52
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:53
  Eric: Uh known feet pick advocate Matthew Shea.
• 54:56
  Matt: Actually, you were the feet pick advocate.
• 54:58
  Matt: I just want to make that clear.
• 54:59
  Eric: Uh well, this one goes out to all the feet pick advocates out there.
• 55:02
  Eric: It kind of does, anyway.
• 55:05
  Eric: I'm gonna, and God, we're all gonna feel so gross once I read it.
• 55:09
  Eric: Uh how did Pig Pen get so dirty and why can't he get clean?
• 55:15
  Eric: This is, of course, Pig Pen from the Peanuts, kid walking around with all the little dirt cloud.
• 55:21
  Eric: So, how did he get so dirty and why can't he get clean?
• 55:25
  Eric: Honestly, this is a two for boudoir fee pics.
• 55:28
  Matt: Let me tell you something, Eric.
• 55:30
  Matt: This what uh the question alone didn't get me to list it in RQ.
• 55:37
  Matt: But what got me to look what got me to list it is when I tried to see if there was a canonical answer to this question.
• 55:45
  Eric: Is there?
• 55:46
  Matt: I'll tell you what I found, Eric.
• 55:48
  Matt: I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I found.
• 55:52
  Eric: Now, we are upsetting.
• 55:54
  Eric: Is it upsetting?
• 55:55
  Matt: Eric, no.
• 55:56
  Matt: Okay.
• 55:56
  Matt: Eric, no.
• 55:57
  Matt: It only will give you more questions.
• 56:00
  Matt: Okay.
• 56:01
  Matt: So, as Eric said, Pig Pen is a fictional character from the comic script peanuts by Charles Schultz.
• 56:08
  Matt: He is a young boy who, except on rare occasions, is extremely dirty and has attract uh attracts a permanent cloud of dust.
• 56:16
  Matt: But listen to this.
• 56:17
  Matt: This is from the Wikipedia.
• 56:19
  Matt: Pig Pen is known for his perpetually filthy overalls and the cloud of dirt and dust that follows him wherever he goes.
• 56:27
  Matt: When he takes a deep breath to sing, for example, the dust rises briefly around him.
• 56:33
  Matt: And we I think we can all remember that from the various films and and whatnot.
• 56:38
  Matt: And and also it should be noted, I've never met a person.
• 56:43
  Matt: And I granted I don't pull everyone I meet on the peanuts, but I think I don't think I've ever met a person who doesn't like pig pen.
• 56:50
  Eric: No, yeah, everyone seems pretty pro-Pig Pen.
• 56:53
  Matt: He's a b he is one of the beloved peanuts.
• 56:56
  unknown: Yeah.
• 56:56
  Matt: Not that I don't think anyone has a particular peanut they're anti.
• 57:01
  Eric: Lucy's kind of a dick.
• 57:03
  Matt: Well, maybe she's misunderstood.
• 57:04
  Matt: Well, we'll come back to Lucy another day.
• 57:06
  Matt: Here's the next sentence, and this is what got me.
• 57:09
  Matt: He sometimes refers to the cloud that surrounds him with pride as, quote, the dust of ancient civilizations.
• 57:19
  Matt: Oh, God.
• 57:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 57:21
  Matt: Yep.
• 57:21
  Matt: Now he cannot seem to rid himself of the dust for more than the briefest of periods.
• 57:25
  Matt: In fact, it seems he is incapable of staying clean.
• 57:29
  Matt: Uh, he is referred to in an early early comic script as the only person who can get dirty while walking in a snowstorm.
• 57:37
  Matt: Now, he has gotten uh this is pretty great.
• 57:40
  Matt: He has gotten clean on a couple of uh occasions and was rendered unrecognizable.
• 57:46
  Matt: Once, this was in order to impress Violet, who he was fond of.
• 57:50
  Matt: On another occasion, he managed to keep one side of his body clean and presented this to Patty, causing her to believe that he was completely clean.
• 57:59
  Matt: Okay.
• 58:00
  Matt: But listen to this.
• 58:02
  Matt: Though Pig Pen is proud of his uncleanliness, Charlie Brown is the only other peanuts character to unconditionally accept Pig Pen for who he is, even defending Pig Pen's uncleanliness in one strip.
• 58:15
  Matt: And here's the quote: Are you ready?
• 58:17
  Matt: Ready for it.
• 58:18
  Matt: Don't think of it as just dust, just think of it as the dirt and dust of far-off lands blowing over here and settling on Pig Pen.
• 58:29
  Matt: It staggers the imagination.
• 58:31
  Matt: He may be carrying the soil that was trod upon by Solomon or Nebuchadnezzar or Genghis Khan.
• 58:40
  Matt: That's from Charlie Brown himself.
• 58:43
  Matt: Guy.
• 58:44
  Matt: Our main man.
• 58:46
  Matt: And I've went further into the lineage of Pig Pen to discover that we don't know what Pig Pen's name is.
• 58:54
  Matt: Oh, that's fucked.
• 58:56
  Matt: We only know this sorry kid as Pig Pen.
• 59:00
  Eric: God damn.
• 59:01
  Matt: Now, Eric, that's what got me.
• 59:04
  Matt: Yeah, that's fucked.
• 59:05
  Matt: Pig Pen believes he has the quote dust of ancient civilizations.
• 59:10
  Matt: Pig Pen, my friend.
• 59:11
  Matt: What the fuck does that mean?
• 59:13
  Eric: I I'm just gonna say it, uh kid's cursed.
• 59:18
  Matt: You think he's cursed?
• 59:19
  Eric: I think he's cursed.
• 59:20
  Eric: Like by every okay, by every indication, the dirt cloud is sentient.
• 59:24
  Eric: Like it has a will.
• 59:26
  Matt: It rises and falls around him.
• 59:29
  Eric: Yeah, it it is animated.
• 59:31
  Eric: Like dirt clouds don't do that.
• 59:34
  Matt: It almost it almost feels like uh his dirt cloud is is Dr.
• 59:40
  Matt: Otto Octavius's arms.
• 59:42
  Eric: Yeah, but like Pig Pen can't really like he can exert a very minute amount.
• 59:49
  Eric: I never really see him exerting control over the dirt cloud.
• 59:52
  Eric: It it reacts to him, it it does things when he does things, right?
• 59:58
  Eric: But it it has a will of its own.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: And the dirt of ancient civilizations, like Sumerian dirt, I don't know, man.
• 1:00:06
  Eric: That that shit is that is riddled with curses.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: That is some curse.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: I mean, but but but Charlie Brown's point, he is he is pontificating that this could be the soil of people who lived centuries ago that is somehow connected to him, that somehow finds its way across the oceans to Pig Pen.
• 1:00:29
  Matt: That's what I mean.
• 1:00:30
  Eric: Curse, bro.
• 1:00:31
  Eric: Like, I'm sure Baldy Charlie Brown would say that shit.
• 1:00:34
  Eric: He's not the one who's got the dirt curse.
• 1:00:37
  Eric: You know who else lived centuries ago?
• 1:00:39
  Eric: Immotep.
• 1:00:45
  Eric: Like, fuck like bruh.
• 1:00:47
  Eric: Like, I you know, I'm sure Pig Pen's happy he seems happy and well adjusted.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: He loves the dirt.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: He's proud of it.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: The kid doesn't have a name?
• 1:00:57
  Eric: The nameless one?
• 1:00:58
  Eric: Fuck, dude.
• 1:01:00
  Eric: You know who else?
• 1:01:01
  Eric: You know all you know the other kinds of kids don't get names?
• 1:01:04
  Eric: Fucking cursed ones.
• 1:01:05
  Matt: So you're you're saying that the only reason that Pig Pen can he has all this dirt all the time is he's cursed with the dirt.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: And are you extending that to the second question of why can't he get clean?
• 1:01:20
  Matt: Yes, because he's fucking cursed.
• 1:01:22
  Matt: He has to be dirty.
• 1:01:24
  Eric: He had like only kid that can get dirty walking through a snowstorm.
• 1:01:28
  Eric: That is a curse.
• 1:01:30
  Eric: That is like it's not like he is he has like there is like a magnetic attraction about his body that pulls this dirt to it, and a dirt that exhibits a will of its own, like shit.
• 1:01:42
  Matt: Some sort of some sort of witchcraft.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: Uh uh.
• 1:01:44
  Matt: Some some sort of he has been witched.
• 1:01:46
  Matt: A plague has been placed about his house.
• 1:01:48
  Matt: Perhaps uh perhaps against his father or mother's house, because he's just child after all.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: Oh, he I guarantee inherited this curse.
• 1:01:56
  Matt: Oh, you think Pig Pen's father or mother is also a dirt cloud person?
• 1:02:01
  Eric: Might well, they were until their child was born.
• 1:02:04
  Eric: Now he bears it.
• 1:02:05
  Eric: Oh, the dirt try the dirt is hereditary.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: Oh, bro, that this is so easy now.
• 1:02:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:09
  Eric: Oh my god, this is what makes the curse so vile, right?
• 1:02:12
  Eric: You got this dirt cloud following you.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: Like, you know, it's it's cute and endearing now when you're in elementary school.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: We expect kids to be dirty.
• 1:02:19
  Eric: Like they're they're kids.
• 1:02:20
  Eric: And and like, I think we've all known that one kid at school who like all depressing socioeconomic factors aside, we've all known that kid who just there is something about them.
• 1:02:32
  Eric: There's like there's something like ground in about them.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Like this kid was just always dirty, and like nothing to do with like their status or there's like there's just doesn't matter.
• 1:02:43
  Eric: This kid is like always fucking filthy.
• 1:02:45
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:02:46
  Eric: Because they just fucking rolled around on the ground or whatever.
• 1:02:49
  Eric: And that shit, you know, when you're in elementary school, it's endearing, it's cute.
• 1:02:52
  Eric: Sure.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: We're all pro pig pen.
• 1:02:54
  Eric: But like when you're in high school, if you're in high school and you still got that dark cloud following you, you are not Sadie Hawkins, not gonna be a fun dance for you.
• 1:03:03
  Eric: You ain't gonna get asked.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: I see, I see.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: So now oh fuck.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: The way this curse works in my head is you've got the dust cloud following.
• 1:03:12
  Eric: You have something that objectively makes you less desirable in the eyes of potential partners.
• 1:03:19
  Eric: Right.
• 1:03:20
  Eric: Which means that Pigpen's father, assuming he had the curse, or his mom had the curse, they had to become such a kind, caring, and charismatic human being.
• 1:03:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:03:33
  Eric: That they were able, like beauty and the beast, this shit.
• 1:03:35
  Eric: They were able to get someone to see past that cloud of dust beyond the curse and love the human being underneath.
• 1:03:42
  Matt: Now that is inspirational.
• 1:03:44
  Matt: And that is uplifting.
• 1:03:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:46
  Matt: But here's what I can't get over the curse part of it.
• 1:03:49
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:50
  Matt: And if if Pig P Pig Pen has some sort of feeling that the dust is of ancient origin.
• 1:03:58
  Matt: And if we're talking in a sense that the curse has been passed down from father to son or mother to son, you know, parent to parent to child, yeah.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: If we take that back and we take that back and we take that back, you know, I I really do hesitate to bring something like this, what I'm about to say, oh, hit me into this show.
• 1:04:20
  Eric: Truth bombers.
• 1:04:21
  Matt: Because it is, dare I say, religious.
• 1:04:25
  Matt: Oh goodness.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: But could this be?
• 1:04:28
  Matt: We're talking about ancient civilizations and we're talking about a curse.
• 1:04:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: The first thing that jumped to mind here, Eric, is could the dust be the mark of Kane?
• 1:04:40
  Eric: Holy shit.
• 1:04:42
  Eric: So I'm sorry.
• 1:04:43
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 1:04:43
  Eric: Is this a descendant of Kane?
• 1:04:46
  Eric: The sound you just heard was my thumb fucking snapping in half as I mashed that like and subscribe button, dog.
• 1:04:56
  Matt: I am 100% uh I and again, I don't want to bring the other religious aspects necessarily of the biblical story of Cain and Abel into this conversation.
• 1:05:12
  Matt: But there's great, there's always been great debate over what the mark of Cain is.
• 1:05:18
  Eric: Yeah, because all we know is he is marked.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: They never explicitly say what that mark is.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: They never even explicitly, and this this is a true religious debate, but in many different sects of religion.
• 1:05:31
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:05:32
  Matt: Not just Christianity, but sex and religion, when.
• 1:05:39
  Matt: But listen, what I'm saying is it's always been a debate of what the mark of Cain is.
• 1:05:45
  Matt: And I think it's always been a misconception that it has been and it's been, I shouldn't say a misconception, it's been an assumption by many different religious uh schools of thought that the mark of Cain is a visible one.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: And people take that to then mean a physical one.
• 1:06:04
  Matt: And people have done all kinds of terrible interpretations from there on out.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: But what if it's visible but not physical on the body?
• 1:06:14
  Matt: What if it's a cloud of dust?
• 1:06:17
  Eric: Oh it's so good.
• 1:06:20
  Eric: It's so good, Matt.
• 1:06:21
  Eric: And like, God, like you could even dig deep deep into the imagery of it.
• 1:06:26
  Eric: Like it could be, you know, because Kane, the first murderer.
• 1:06:29
  Matt: Yeah, I remember him.
• 1:06:30
  Eric: Would also mean he dug the first grave, and that dust that follows him around could be the grave dirt.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: Wow, the dust of ancients.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: And it just keeps coming to this family.
• 1:06:42
  Matt: Shit, right.
• 1:06:44
  Matt: Through the ages, Eric, you religious scholar, you well I well I dabble.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: Listen, thank you for coming to our theology podcast.
• 1:06:59
  Matt: And yeah, listen, I think we are onto something here.
• 1:07:03
  Matt: Because by the time it gets to Pig Pen, by the time it gets to Pig Pen, that dust has all religious obligations removed from it.
• 1:07:11
  Matt: It's just pig pen's dust.
• 1:07:13
  Matt: I'm not saying I am not even saying there's anything particularly religious about the dust at this point or pig pen.
• 1:07:22
  Matt: I am just saying the origin.
• 1:07:25
  Matt: The origin is a is a is a is a biblical curse.
• 1:07:29
  Matt: And that's why it suck.
• 1:07:30
  Matt: And as to why he can't get clean, God's committed to a bit.
• 1:07:36
  Eric: God's committed to it.
• 1:07:37
  Eric: He's committed to a bit.
• 1:07:38
  Eric: God's committed to a bit.
• 1:07:47
  Eric: Drop it.
• 1:07:48
  Eric: Truth.
• 1:07:49
  Eric: Big pen doesn't have any siblings.
• 1:07:50
  Eric: And look, I'm also just saying it is it's Charles Schultz we're talking about.
• 1:07:55
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:07:56
  Eric: A man not entirely unknown for having uh Christian overtones in his.
• 1:08:03
  Matt: I was gonna say, I haven't done any research on Charles Schultz to see whether or not that is a thing.
• 1:08:08
  Matt: I've just enjoyed the peanuts.
• 1:08:10
  Eric: Oh, well, I mean, like in passing.
• 1:08:12
  Eric: I mean, Charlie Brown literally quotes the Bible in their Christmas episodes.
• 1:08:17
  Matt: On another occasion, Pig Pen decided it was important to have clean hands, but after failing to wash them, he realized that he had, quote, reached the point of no return.
• 1:08:28
  Eric: Holy shit, he can't wash his hands.
• 1:08:31
  Eric: That is like, how much harder can Charles Schultz spell it out for us?
• 1:08:36
  Eric: These hands will never be clean.
• 1:08:38
  Eric: He's past the point of never.
• 1:08:40
  Eric: Listen to this.
• 1:08:40
  Eric: Bro, take me fucking deeper.
• 1:08:41
  Eric: Take me deeper.
• 1:08:43
  Matt: One notable exception is an earlier strip where he gets caught in a brief but heavy rainfall, and while trying to seek shelter, the storm ends, revealing him to be clean.
• 1:08:55
  Matt: Pigpen responds with disdain, stating that in quote, in one minute, the rain has washed away what took me all day to accomplish.
• 1:09:10
  Matt: What the fuck?
• 1:09:11
  Matt: I'm he's again he's proud of the he's proud of it.
• 1:09:15
  Matt: My dude, you nailed it.
• 1:09:17
  Matt: So if if he has taken if this is indeed the mark of Cain, it is in some ways, for as far as Pig Pen's concerned, no longer a curse.
• 1:09:27
  Eric: No, yeah.
• 1:09:28
  Eric: He's reclaimed it.
• 1:09:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:09:31
  Matt: He's reclaimed it.
• 1:09:33
  Matt: And he wears it as a point of pride.
• 1:09:35
  Matt: God bless you, Pink Pen.
• 1:09:37
  Matt: God bless you, Pig Pen, and and the whole Pig Pen lineage.
• 1:09:41
  Matt: Whatever happened to Pig Pen.
• 1:09:43
  Matt: I don't know what spawn of Pig Pen there is.
• 1:09:45
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:09:46
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:09:47
  Matt: Marriage counselors, biblical scholars.
• 1:09:50
  Matt: You certainly didn't ask for it, but fucking you got it.
• 1:09:53
  Eric: I like I am I am I at a loss for words.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: I have nothing to add other than not to mention one of the most famous characters in uh the the the canon, I think, and the greater lore of uh of the peanuts is the great pumpkin who um, as I recall, never seems to arrive.
• 1:10:21
  Matt: Is he like Jesus in this equation?
• 1:10:23
  Matt: I was gonna leave it up for interpretation, Eric.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: Oh no.
• 1:10:27
  Eric: I mean, uh well, it could be anyone.
• 1:10:29
  Eric: It could be anyone.
• 1:10:30
  Eric: Question mark.
• 1:10:31
  Matt: Question.
• 1:10:33
  Matt: Anyway, Eric, should we uh move on now?
• 1:10:36
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:10:37
  Matt: To a to a a brand new segment.
• 1:10:41
  Matt: New segment.
• 1:10:43
  Matt: And what are we calling this, Eric?
• 1:10:45
  Matt: F fun facts?
• 1:10:46
  Matt: Fun facts.
• 1:10:47
  Matt: Fun facts.
• 1:10:48
  Matt: Fun fact.
• 1:10:49
  Matt: And these we thought we'd embrace the true sentence that is our title and give you some things that quite frankly, you didn't ask for.
• 1:11:01
  Matt: Fun fact.
• 1:11:02
  Matt: Fun fact.
• 1:11:03
  Matt: So, Eric, would you like to usher in this new this new found segment of ours?
• 1:11:07
  Eric: Oh, I'll do it.
• 1:11:08
  Eric: Uh, fun fact, Matt, did you know a guy once won a duel by stripping naked?
• 1:11:14
  Matt: I sure do.
• 1:11:16
  Matt: Go on.
• 1:11:17
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:11:18
  Eric: So this was like in late July of 1806.
• 1:11:22
  Eric: The parties in question were Humphrey Howarth.
• 1:11:26
  Eric: Oh boy.
• 1:11:27
  Eric: Humphrey Howarth.
• 1:11:31
  Eric: Yep.
• 1:11:31
  Eric: Sounds like a dude who duels.
• 1:11:32
  Eric: This guy duels.
• 1:11:33
  Eric: Oh, he duels, baby.
• 1:11:35
  Eric: And Henry Barry, who is the eighth Earl of Barrymore.
• 1:11:39
  Eric: So I like how he sounds completely like just not significant at all until you hear where he's from.
• 1:11:46
  Matt: It's Henry Barry.
• 1:11:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:48
  Matt: Of the berries.
• 1:11:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:11:51
  Matt: Body.
• 1:11:52
  Eric: Those baddies.
• 1:11:53
  Eric: Baddies.
• 1:11:54
  Eric: Those bodies.
• 1:11:55
  Eric: It's me baddies.
• 1:11:57
  Eric: These dudes, the the long and short of it is these dudes got shit faced and were playing cards into like the late hours.
• 1:12:05
  Eric: Like it was it was late at night.
• 1:12:07
  Eric: They got so drunk and played so many cards that at one point uh the Earl of Barrymore accused Mr.
• 1:12:14
  Eric: Howarth of cheating.
• 1:12:16
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:12:17
  Eric: Enraged at the suggestion, Howarth punched Barrymore in the eye.
• 1:12:22
  Eric: Oh god.
• 1:12:24
  Eric: He did not hit him back.
• 1:12:25
  Eric: Instead, he challenged them to a duel to resolve their differences.
• 1:12:30
  Eric: Uh and they, you know, it it was like an immediate accepted.
• 1:12:33
  Eric: They agreed to meet at dawn.
• 1:12:35
  Eric: Uh they they chose to meet somewhere nearby.
• 1:12:38
  Eric: Uh, and they literally like it it happened so fast that like they were trying to get the duel in before the the like the night was out.
• 1:12:48
  Eric: Like they wanted to to duel at dawn that day.
• 1:12:52
  Matt: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:12:53
  Eric: They were both still shitfaced.
• 1:12:55
  Eric: They had been up all night.
• 1:12:57
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:12:57
  Eric: Uh they very quickly uh managed to find like a pair uh uh they found seconds to stand with them.
• 1:13:05
  Eric: They managed to like like scrounge up a pair of dueling pistols.
• 1:13:08
  Matt: They grabbed the bartender and yeah.
• 1:13:10
  Eric: And like very quickly, you know, in that in this about four-hour interval between the duel being issued and the duel taking place, like uh word got around a lot of people who had also been out drinking and shit face like were were gathering around to see this, like, oh shit, we're getting a duel.
• 1:13:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:29
  Eric: So here's where it gets wild.
• 1:13:31
  Eric: They show up and uh the Earl of Barrymore arrived first.
• 1:13:35
  Eric: Okay, you know, made small talk with his second Henry Barry, you know, he took off his jacket and his westcoat in preparation for this engagement.
• 1:13:43
  Eric: As one does.
• 1:13:44
  Eric: And then shortly thereafter, Mr.
• 1:13:45
  Eric: Howarth arrived on the field of honor, and he too, you know, made some small talk and began to strip off his garments, but then he didn't stop.
• 1:13:54
  Eric: He took off his like vest and westcoat and uh his westcoat and just kept going, stripping down.
• 1:14:02
  Eric: Like he basically he removed everything until he was butt ass naked.
• 1:14:09
  Eric: Um he second understandably asked him some variation of hey, yo, uh, dog, what the fuck are you doing?
• 1:14:18
  Eric: Why's your dick out, Barry?
• 1:14:20
  Eric: So this is where it gets fascinating.
• 1:14:21
  Eric: This is where it gets really interesting for me.
• 1:14:23
  Eric: Uh Howarth explained that, like, when he was younger, he was like an army physician.
• 1:14:30
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 1:14:31
  Eric: And he knew, as a as a matter of experience, that very often, like, when people died from gunshot wounds, they did not usually die from the bullet hitting them.
• 1:14:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:14:45
  Eric: Most deaths from gunshot wounds were caused by the bullet going through their clothing and carrying their dirty, sweaty, like, nasty ass clothing into the wound, which caused the wound to become infected.
• 1:14:59
  Eric: And like, that was like the number one cause of like wounds getting infected, and like wounds getting infected was usually how people died from gunshots.
• 1:15:07
  Eric: Therefore, he removed all of his clothing, thus increasing his chances of survival should his ass get shot.
• 1:15:16
  Eric: I see.
• 1:15:17
  Eric: The Earl of Barrymore was now f he was now surrounded by people, most of them drunk.
• 1:15:24
  Eric: He is drunk, uh, Hoharth is drunk.
• 1:15:27
  Eric: He's nude.
• 1:15:28
  Eric: And drunk, butt ass naked at the crack of dawn, and with this development having developed, just couldn't bring himself to shoot a naked man.
• 1:15:40
  Eric: Like it just became too embarrassed.
• 1:15:43
  Eric: He's like, I I I can't do this.
• 1:15:46
  Eric: I cannot shoot this fat old naked man.
• 1:15:49
  Matt: I like to imagine that Barrymore, bear Henry Barry's there, actually.
• 1:15:53
  Matt: He doesn't even have a gun.
• 1:15:54
  Matt: He's just holding his gun and pointing it and going, hey, come on, stick him up.
• 1:16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:16:04
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, I just love the fact he's like, come on, put your pants on so I can shoot you.
• 1:16:08
  Eric: No, no, I refuse.
• 1:16:11
  Matt: If you're going to shoot me, you're gonna have to do it through my penis.
• 1:16:16
  Eric: I have come as I am, and I shall go no differently.
• 1:16:20
  Matt: I'm I'm coming as God sent me.
• 1:16:23
  Eric: And yeah, that's that's your fun fact of the day.
• 1:16:26
  Eric: Dude won a duel because his opponent was felt too weird about shooting a naked one.
• 1:16:32
  Matt: You know what?
• 1:16:32
  Matt: Hats off to you, Henry Barry, because you know what?
• 1:16:36
  Matt: Body positive, you know, embrace loving one's own form.
• 1:16:41
  Matt: You gotta love it.
• 1:16:42
  Eric: Toxic masculinity was the cause of and solution to this problem.
• 1:16:52
  Matt: Oh man.
• 1:16:53
  Matt: So you're saying it you're saying it cancels itself out.
• 1:16:57
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:16:58
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:16:59
  Matt: Ouroboros snake eats its own tail, Matthew.
• 1:17:01
  Matt: I don't think we suggest.
• 1:17:03
  Matt: I don't think we officially take that.
• 1:17:05
  Eric: Oh, I'm not endorsing toxic masculinity.
• 1:17:07
  Eric: I'm just saying in this case, uh, it both caused, you know, almost took and then saved a life.
• 1:17:16
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:17:16
  Matt: Yes, indeed it did, Eric.
• 1:17:18
  Matt: Uh well, Eric, no, I had no idea about this tale.
• 1:17:21
  Matt: And I certainly didn't ask to know it, and I'm glad that I do.
• 1:17:25
  Eric: Anytime.
• 1:17:26
  Matt: Now, Eric, I don't have a historical story for you.
• 1:17:30
  Matt: I have a uh I have a modern day story, if you will.
• 1:17:35
  Matt: Now, Eric, I I know that you are not so big on TikTok.
• 1:17:40
  Matt: I uh not a tick narry a talk, my friend.
• 1:17:43
  Matt: Well, you know, you don't have the app.
• 1:17:45
  Matt: You just watch what's sent to you.
• 1:17:47
  Matt: Like a voyage.
• 1:17:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:17:49
  Matt: Well, I I don't make TikToks.
• 1:17:50
  Matt: I also just am a lurker, a TikTok lurker.
• 1:17:54
  Matt: But I want to know, Eric, have you ever encountered, through TikTok or otherwise, the Savannah Bananas?
• 1:18:01
  Matt: No.
• 1:18:02
  Matt: Let me tell you something, Eric.
• 1:18:03
  Matt: Now, when I start talking, you might be like, why would he think I'm interested in this?
• 1:18:08
  Matt: But you're gonna come around.
• 1:18:09
  Matt: The Savannah Bananas are a baseball team.
• 1:18:13
  Eric: I'm leaning in.
• 1:18:14
  Matt: They are, in fact, an exhibition team, which means they're not in the minor leagues, they're not in the major leagues, they're just a team that plays some other teams in they do they are part of a league, the uh the Coastal Plain League.
• 1:18:28
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:18:29
  Matt: They play in the uh the West Division with uh some other uh some other fine teams, the Macon Bacons, uh the the Ashboro Zookeepers.
• 1:18:40
  Matt: I fucking love the fuck.
• 1:18:42
  Matt: I fucking love minor league and and and uh external league baseball teams, the the fucking best.
• 1:18:48
  Matt: But that's a whole different story.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: But the Savannah Bananas have a mission statement.
• 1:18:53
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: Their mission statement I take a little bit of on bridge with as a diehard baseball fan.
• 1:18:58
  Matt: They're out here to try to make baseball fun and put the fans first.
• 1:19:04
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:19:05
  Matt: I can respect that.
• 1:19:06
  Matt: Now, personally, I think baseball is fun.
• 1:19:09
  Matt: I think it's quite fun.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_04: I think it's great.
• 1:19:11
  Matt: I think it's fun.
• 1:19:12
  Matt: But they don't quite play baseball, Eric.
• 1:19:14
  Matt: They play banana ball.
• 1:19:17
  Matt: They but Matthew keep talking immediately.
• 1:19:20
  Matt: Now they have, they play baseball, but they play baseball with some extra rules.
• 1:19:26
  Matt: And Eric, I bring this to you because I think you're gonna like the Savannah Bananas.
• 1:19:31
  Matt: Now, this is just how they play baseball.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: I met the the Savannah Bananas through TikTok because what they are also famous for are their choreographed dances they perform during games.
• 1:19:44
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:19:45
  Matt: Uh the Yes.
• 1:19:47
  Matt: So let me see if I don't know if I'll be able to get it, but I'm gonna give you an idea, Eric, of what the Savannah Bananas do.
• 1:19:56
  Matt: Talk me, Daddy.
• 1:19:58
  Eric: Oh my fucking lord, I love them.
• 1:20:02
  Eric: How can I find them?
• 1:20:03
  Matt: How can I sit into the pitch?
• 1:20:05
  Matt: And then they throw the pitch.
• 1:20:07
  Matt: It's absolutely incredible.
• 1:20:09
  Eric: It is I'm sorry, I'm just gonna say it.
• 1:20:13
  Eric: Absolutely fucking bananas.
• 1:20:14
  Matt: And we are gonna send some things.
• 1:20:16
  Matt: Their uniforms are all bright yellow.
• 1:20:18
  Matt: I fucking love them.
• 1:20:20
  Matt: But listen to the breakdown of what banana ball is.
• 1:20:23
  Matt: So here's how they play banana ball.
• 1:20:26
  Matt: Rule number one, every inning counts.
• 1:20:28
  Matt: Now that you might be like, well, every inning always counts.
• 1:20:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:20:32
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 1:20:32
  Matt: They say if you win an inning, you get a run in the inning, the other team doesn't.
• 1:20:37
  Matt: You get a point.
• 1:20:38
  Matt: Not to be confused with a run, a point.
• 1:20:41
  Matt: In the final inning, every round, every run scored in the ninth counts as a point.
• 1:20:49
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:20:50
  Matt: So at the so that so we've got like an overarching point system over the traditional baseball run system.
• 1:20:57
  Matt: And I said the ninth, but it's really the final inning.
• 1:21:01
  Matt: Why?
• 1:21:02
  Matt: Because they have a two-hour time limit.
• 1:21:05
  Matt: What?
• 1:21:06
  Matt: Games cannot exceed two hours.
• 1:21:10
  Matt: Rule number three, the batter, once the batter steps into the batter's box, they are not allowed to leave.
• 1:21:17
  Matt: If they if they step out of the batter's box, it's a strike.
• 1:21:25
  Matt: Rule number four, no bunting.
• 1:21:27
  Matt: Their explanation here, bunting sucks.
• 1:21:33
  Matt: You're not allowed to bunt.
• 1:21:35
  Matt: Five, batters can steal first.
• 1:21:39
  Matt: Yes! So if there's a if there's a wild pitch, a passed ball, you can just take off to first.
• 1:21:45
  Matt: And that kind of plays along with there are no walks in banana ball.
• 1:21:51
  Matt: Instead, there are only sprints.
• 1:21:54
  Matt: Now, I thought this to mean a pace of play type thing.
• 1:21:58
  Matt: You throw ball four, you run down to the first base.
• 1:22:00
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 1:22:02
  Matt: What a sprint is, is a batter, as soon as ball four is thrown, the batter is a it takes off in a sprint, and they can get to as many bases as they can reach.
• 1:22:13
  Matt: They can go all the way home.
• 1:22:14
  Matt: And you might be saying, Well, why how could they possibly get home?
• 1:22:18
  Matt: All the all they have to do is throw it a first.
• 1:22:21
  Matt: No, no.
• 1:22:22
  Matt: When the fourth ball is thrown, the pitcher has to throw the ball to every position player before the ball is live again.
• 1:22:31
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 1:22:34
  Matt: I fucking love it.
• 1:22:35
  Matt: Matt! If if it is a two-hour, if we reach the two-hour time limit and the game is tied, yeah.
• 1:22:43
  Matt: They go into a one-on-one showdown.
• 1:22:46
  Matt: Now you might be asking, what's a one-on-one showdown, Eric?
• 1:22:49
  Matt: There's a batter, there's a pitcher, and there is one fielder.
• 1:22:55
  Matt: The batter either gets struck out, gets out some other way, or puts the ball in play and tries to score.
• 1:23:03
  Matt: That's it.
• 1:23:06
  Matt: I love this.
• 1:23:08
  Matt: Coaches are not allowed to visit the mound.
• 1:23:10
  Matt: There are no mound visits.
• 1:23:12
  Matt: And the final rule, my absolute favorite rule, because they put fans first.
• 1:23:17
  Matt: They want the fans to be part of the game.
• 1:23:19
  Matt: Rule number nine a banana ball.
• 1:23:21
  Matt: If a fan catches a foul ball, it's an out.
• 1:23:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yes! Yes! Oh my god.
• 1:23:31
  SPEAKER_02: Fucking sick.
• 1:23:33
  Matt: So you can go to the savannabananas.com to learn all this.
• 1:23:37
  Matt: They do have some great merch.
• 1:23:39
  Matt: I very well may be buying some.
• 1:23:41
  Matt: Are they based?
• 1:23:41
  Matt: Are they based up?
• 1:23:42
  Matt: Savannah, Georgia is where they are based out of.
• 1:23:45
  Matt: But in 2023, they are going on a world tour.
• 1:23:48
  Matt: So Matt, please tell me they're coming to Baltimore.
• 1:23:51
  Matt: They're not that there.
• 1:23:52
  Matt: I've already looked.
• 1:23:53
  Matt: The closest they're coming to us, Eric, is Trenton, New Jersey.
• 1:23:57
  Matt: I'll stoop to go to New Jersey.
• 1:23:59
  Matt: I might very well be going to Savannah.
• 1:24:01
  Matt: So listen to this.
• 1:24:02
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:24:03
  Matt: Listen to this.
• 1:24:04
  Matt: If when you come to Banana Land, this is from there about us.
• 1:24:07
  Matt: When you come to Banana Land, your experience is all inclusive.
• 1:24:11
  Matt: Our concessions in Savannah are all you can eat hot dogs.
• 1:24:16
  Matt: Hamburgers, chicken sandwiches, water, soda, popcorn, and cookies.
• 1:24:20
  Matt: I I love them.
• 1:24:22
  Matt: We gave the stadium back to the fans.
• 1:24:24
  Matt: The historic Grayson Stadium is the first ever ad-free ballpark.
• 1:24:30
  unknown: What the fuck?
• 1:24:31
  unknown: They're amazing!
• 1:24:32
  Matt: They serve their own Savannah Banana beer, banana split ice cream soda, and a specialty alcoholic drink, the slippery banana.
• 1:24:43
  Matt: When you are visiting, be a part of Banana Land Forever by signing the fan wall in left field to leave your very own mark.
• 1:24:53
  Matt: But what I wanted to share with you, Eric, is some some other like fast facts about them.
• 1:25:00
  Matt: For one thing, they are the only baseball team that plays in kilts.
• 1:25:03
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:25:03
  Matt: They do indeed.
• 1:25:04
  Matt: It seems to be an alternate uniform, but they do play in kilts.
• 1:25:08
  unknown: Oh my God.
• 1:25:09
  Matt: As I already mentioned, they perform choreograph dances during the games, every game.
• 1:25:15
  Matt: The hitters' walk-ups are legendary.
• 1:25:19
  Matt: Bananas may be escorted to the may be escorted to the plate by the banana pep band, walk down the yellow carpet wearing the finest Dulcean banana.
• 1:25:32
  Matt: Or they may even introduce themselves on mic.
• 1:25:36
  Matt: We are known for our epic scoring celebrations, from running through the crowd to performing choreographed country line dances.
• 1:25:44
  Matt: When we score, you never know what will happen next.
• 1:25:47
  Matt: Our owner, Jesse Cole, not only is at every game, but he wears a yellow tuxedo.
• 1:25:54
  Matt: Not sometimes, all the time.
• 1:25:58
  Matt: We have the world's tallest hitter and pitcher, Dakota Stilts Albreton, who stands at 10 feet tall.
• 1:26:06
  Matt: And indeed, this is a man who comes to the plate on Stilts.
• 1:26:10
  Eric: What a fucking unit.
• 1:26:13
  Matt: We do not host our your typical post-game interviews.
• 1:26:16
  Matt: Players may be interviewed in the shower, in a bathroom stall, or in an ice bath, perhaps even in their own bed.
• 1:26:23
  Matt: But don't worry, Eric, the bananas just keep on fucking going.
• 1:26:29
  Matt: We have our banana nanas, a senior citizen dance team.
• 1:26:35
  Matt: And the and the man nanas, our dad bod cheerleading squad.
• 1:26:42
  Matt: Oh my God.
• 1:26:44
  Matt: Okay, but get ready, Eric.
• 1:26:46
  Matt: And I'm gonna I'm gonna share my screen so you can see a picture of this.
• 1:26:49
  Matt: Every game, we honor the banana baby.
• 1:26:54
  Matt: Q the Lion King opening music, and players kneeling around the baby being lifted in a banana costume.
• 1:27:01
  Matt: Eric, are you ready?
• 1:27:03
  Matt: I am I am ready.
• 1:27:04
  Matt: I am ready.
• 1:27:05
  Matt: There's the banana baby.
• 1:27:07
  Matt: Oh, it's so cute.
• 1:27:09
  Matt: Okay, here they are in their kilts.
• 1:27:11
  Matt: Yo! Look at their bright yellow uniform.
• 1:27:15
  Matt: There's the yellow, red carpet yellow carpet.
• 1:27:18
  Matt: Bruh.
• 1:27:19
  Matt: Here's a post-game interview.
• 1:27:20
  Matt: They're having wine afterwards.
• 1:27:23
  Matt: They're just riding around shopping carts.
• 1:27:26
  Matt: I fucking love the Savannah bananas.
• 1:27:30
  Eric: I love, I have a new favorite baseball fan.
• 1:27:33
  Matt: I for real am about to buy one of their one of their hats or merchandise.
• 1:27:38
  Eric: If you buy one or something, yeah, I will like I will join you in this.
• 1:27:41
  Matt: They are so fucking fun.
• 1:27:44
  Matt: Look at that.
• 1:27:45
  Matt: Their mascots a giant banana, of course.
• 1:27:47
  Eric: Their mascot is a giant, like ripped fucking banana wearing sunglasses.
• 1:27:52
  Eric: Does not give a fuck.
• 1:27:53
  Matt: So very clearly doesn't give a fuck.
• 1:27:56
  Matt: Uh you can follow them on all kinds of social media, but particularly TikTok.
• 1:28:00
  Matt: Where they kind of rose to fame.
• 1:28:02
  Eric: To our listeners in Georgia or the or the bananas themselves, if you can hear my voice, I would like to interview your entire team.
• 1:28:09
  Matt: Like if any of the Savannah Bananas hear our voices, by all means, I'm I I am happy to put a spotlight on the Savannah Bananas.
• 1:28:20
  Matt: Can by all means, if you want to be on the show.
• 1:28:23
  Matt: And honestly, to be perfectly honest with you, I would love nothing more than to come down to Savannah to do a post-game interview in your bathroom.
• 1:28:33
  Eric: We could also make podcasting history by interviewing an entire baseball team.
• 1:28:39
  Matt: Like we just get them all in a room.
• 1:28:42
  Matt: And this is great because I love baseball and you are at best indifferent to it.
• 1:28:47
  Eric: But the Savannah bananas have Matt, you know what they say?
• 1:28:51
  Eric: You know, don't you know meet someone where they are.
• 1:28:54
  Eric: The Savannah Bananas have met you where you are man.
• 1:28:58
  Matt: Well, so those that's my fun fact for you, Eric, is introducing to you the Savannah Bananas.
• 1:29:04
  Eric: That fucking slacks.
• 1:29:05
  Matt: I love them.
• 1:29:06
  Matt: I love them so much.
• 1:29:08
  Eric: I love everything up to the battery.
• 1:29:09
  Matt: I love them so much.
• 1:29:11
  Matt: Check them out on TikTok, people.
• 1:29:13
  Matt: We'll be posting some images and things from the on the Instagram.
• 1:29:17
  Matt: Check them out there.
• 1:29:19
  Matt: Uh go follow them.
• 1:29:20
  Matt: Uh get tickets for their world tour.
• 1:29:23
  Matt: I love the Savannah Bananas so very much.
• 1:29:26
  Matt: And on that note, Eric, I think that will about do it.
• 1:29:29
  Matt: Oh, I think that'll do.
• 1:29:30
  Matt: For this episode, if you didn't ask for this, if you've got your questions, if you got voicemails you want to leave us, leave us.
• 1:29:36
  Matt: If you've got neighborhood group drama, we haven't had a neighborhood watch in a while.
• 1:29:42
  Matt: By all means, send us the shit that's going on in your fucking neighborhood Facebook group, your next door app.
• 1:29:49
  Matt: Send us some screenshots.
• 1:29:50
  Matt: We'll protect your identity.
• 1:29:52
  Matt: I love some tea from the neighborhood.
• 1:29:55
  Eric: Blow our shit up.
• 1:29:57
  Eric: Pour the tea.
• 1:29:58
  Eric: The kettle is on, babies.
• 1:30:00
  Matt: So submit those questions to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 1:30:05
  Matt: That's all spelled out.
• 1:30:07
  Matt: Or on social media at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:30:11
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:30:13
  Matt: On mainly Instagram, Twitter, and sort of Facebook.
• 1:30:16
  Matt: We're like kind of not really on Facebook these days, but we we got the page.
• 1:30:21
  Matt: We're on YouTube as well.
• 1:30:22
  Matt: And uh of course, just like Amy Senka Coffee Face and Up Dog PM, you can call the thought line.
• 1:30:30
  Matt: The thought line.
• 1:30:31
  Matt: You can call the thought line.
• 1:30:32
  Matt: And that number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:30:39
  Matt: Give us a call.
• 1:30:39
  Matt: And listen, we had a question come in to us, a protocol question.
• 1:30:45
  Matt: Oh saying, listen, let's address this.
• 1:30:48
  Matt: I I I sometimes want to call the thought line, but I don't have a question.
• 1:30:52
  Matt: I just want to uh give give feedback or pushback on an answer.
• 1:30:57
  Matt: Rebuttals.
• 1:30:58
  Matt: A rebuttal?
• 1:30:59
  Matt: Listen, if you think you can come for the king, by all means, take a shot.
• 1:31:06
  Eric: Like we you you all have our explicit permission and enthusiastic consent to call the line just to tell us we're fucking wrong.
• 1:31:18
  Matt: Sure.
• 1:31:18
  Matt: But as I as I already sort of hinted at, as the great Omar Little once said, if you're gonna come for the king, you best not miss baby.
• 1:31:28
  Matt: You better not miss.
• 1:31:28
  Matt: You best not miss.
• 1:31:30
  Matt: You best not miss.
• 1:31:31
  Matt: So we're ready.
• 1:31:31
  Matt: We're waiting.
• 1:31:32
  Matt: If you think we've made a if you think we've made a mistake, I couldn't even get through it.
• 1:31:42
  Matt: Listen to Eric, he's gaffawing.
• 1:31:45
  Eric: Oh God, I'm sorry.
• 1:31:46
  Eric: Do you You mean slapping that knee?
• 1:31:50
  Matt: Eric, you're gonna dislocate it.
• 1:31:52
  Eric: I know.
• 1:31:52
  Eric: God damn.
• 1:31:53
  Matt: Uh by all means, give us a voicemail.
• 1:31:56
  Matt: But also give us some love.
• 1:31:58
  Matt: Drop us some stars.
• 1:31:59
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:31:59
  Matt: Drop us a reason.
• 1:32:00
  Eric: Compliment sandwich.
• 1:32:01
  Eric: Compliment sandwich your shit.
• 1:32:03
  Matt: And almost more importantly, grab your friend's phone and force them to listen to the podcast.
• 1:32:08
  Matt: Oh, please.
• 1:32:09
  Matt: You know please.
• 1:32:10
  Matt: Do what you gotta do to get the podcast.
• 1:32:11
  Eric: Aggressive.
• 1:32:12
  Matt: Be aggressive.
• 1:32:13
  Matt: Anyway, thank you for joining us for what somehow ended up being a longer episode.
• 1:32:18
  Matt: Uh, but um, that'll about do it for all of us here.
• 1:32:22
  Matt: And you didn't ask for this.
• 1:32:24
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 1:32:25
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:32:27
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:32:28
  Eric: But we are the official podcast of the Savannah Bananas.
• 1:32:32
  Eric: I can say that.
• 1:32:33
  Eric: There may be clarity.
• 1:32:35
  Matt: There may be a banana podcast already.
• 1:32:37
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, damn it.
• 1:32:38
  Matt: But uh we maybe with the official fan podcasts.
• 1:32:42
  Eric: We're the official fan podcast of the Savannah Bananas.
• 1:32:46
  Matt: Until we get a cease and desist from cease and desist, absolutely.
• 1:32:51
  Matt: You know, I'm sure we're gonna get one.
• 1:32:53
  Matt: Uh oh, that doesn't seem very banana.
• 1:32:55
  Matt: Like, that might not be the banana.
• 1:32:57
  Matt: Oh, that wasn't very banana.