Latest / The Blow Your Mind Podcast / The Cost of Believing the Wrong Story About Yourself

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The Cost of Believing the Wrong Story About Yourself · The Blow Your Mind Podcast

• 0:01
  Welcome to the Blow Your mind podcast.
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  If you're trying to figure out who you are, where headed, or
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  how to trust yourself in the middle of it all, this show is
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  for you. I'm Erica Sinner.
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  I grew up in a trailer park on food stamps and I went on to
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  build a multi 8 figure award-winning company without a
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  safety net and without pretending it was easy.
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  I'm now a CEOA best selling author and a philanthropist and
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  what I've learned is this real confidence isn't a feeling, it's
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  self trust built through evidence.
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  This is a place for real conversations.
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  You'll hear from me and occasionally my husband Chris as
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  we talk honestly about real life and the standards and decisions
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  that separate talk from results. Let's blow your mind.
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  Have you ever told somebody something and then you weren't
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  believed and you think about how that made you feel?
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  Can you imagine telling somebody something when you were 12 years
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  old and they actually do believe you, but then nobody does
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  anything about it? That's what happened to me.
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  I am a sexual abuse survivor within my own family.
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  I was 12 years old and I had the courage to tell my mom.
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  So I wasn't right. Something wasn't right and she
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  believed me and at the time she actually shared that it happened
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  to her too and that she was going to tell the family and we
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  we were going to do something about this.
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  This wasn't going to happen to anyone else.
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  And interesting things happened after that moment.
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  I think a lot of discussions happened with my family.
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  We're also a Mexican American family.
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  We were in a small little racist town at the time.
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  And so at the time, it was very much a, hey, we're, we're a
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  family unit and blood is thicker than water.
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  And we promise it's never going to happen to you again.
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  But like, can we just be quiet about it?
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  And can we just like stick together as a family and just
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  move forward? And the thing about that is the,
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  the way you can start to feel about yourself.
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  And am I worth protecting? And what does this mean?
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  And would it have been better if they didn't believe me?
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  If I had for my whole life felt like, gosh, maybe I, I could
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  have said it differently. Maybe they, they would have done
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  something if they would have believed that it was true, but
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  it was just a completely different experience when they
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  actually absolutely do believe that it is true.
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  And then you find out it happened to other members in
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  your family, your cousins, and nothing happened.
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  I want to welcome you to the Blow Your Mind podcast episode.
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  This one's a heavy one and it's heavy for a lot of reasons
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  because today we're going to talk about the first part of my
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  framework, the Blow Your Mind framework.
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  And it's all around identity and who you are in the world and who
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  do you want to be in the world? But before you can do that,
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  right, I, I, you see from other people who say you just got to
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  decide who you are and then just fake it till you make it.
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  And that's really tough. Like, how do you just fake it
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  till you make it? But also how do you just get to
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  decide who you are when inside you might be feeling all of the
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  stories that you believe are true about yourself based on
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  things that have happened to you.
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  The story I shared to me signaled that I wasn't worth
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  protecting, that maybe survival was the best that I could hope
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  for in life, and I just needed to be a good girl and stick with
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  the family and continue to move forward.
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  And don't worry, it's never going to happen again.
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  That led to years of unworthiness and a lack of
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  confidence and low self esteem that are just beyond.
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  You know, my dad also left when I was really young.
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  He actually fell in love with my mom's best friend and had a
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  whole other family and I was a daddy's girl.
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  And I just still remember that day he brought us home and he
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  was unzipping my jacket and he didn't unzip his.
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  And I was like, what's happening?
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  And he told us that day that I have a new family now.
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  And you're just going to have to understand that another really
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  hard moment in my life of just not being chosen, not being
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  picked right? Like in my life, if I was ever
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  not picked to be on a team, if I was ever not chosen by my
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  friends, like, I don't think anything was going to hurt as
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  bad as my own dad not choosing me.
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  And again, what are the stories that you tell yourself about
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  that moment that my my own father didn't pick me?
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  So what does that say about me? My own family didn't want to do
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  anything beyond us just staying quiet and just creating, you
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  know, distance. What does that say about me?
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  I if you've been listening and following along, I shared the
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  story of the time that I got fired, where now it wasn't just
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  my dad that didn't take me as my boss, who said I don't want you
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  on the team. You start to really realize how
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  much of your identity is shaped by the experiences that you've
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  had in your life, but also what you believe is true about
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  yourself based on experiences that have happened and shaped
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  you. And that's the cost of not
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  choosing yourself is when you start to believe the stories
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  about yourself. Like every single one of us is
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  living inside a story. We didn't consciously choose
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  stories like I'm not enough, or I have to prove myself, or I
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  can't trust people or I'm the one who has to hold it all
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  together. But you guys like, these aren't
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  facts. These aren't truths about our
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  lives. If I talked to any of my family
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  or friends today and said, do you believe I'm not worthy?
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  They would say no, of course not.
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  We're so proud of you. Look at all of the things you've
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  accomplished that these are deep seated things that I've had to
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  live with, that you've had to live with.
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  When you think about what are the stories that you believe
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  about yourself that aren't true? And that's a beautiful thing
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  about the framework, is you get to decide who you want to be.
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  And I believe we all must decide who we're going to be next.
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  Like it is an honor, it is a privilege of our lives that we
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  get to just decide today in this moment, because identities there
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  are formed in these moments that we live.
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  And the hardest part is that we do start to build our lives
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  based on the identities that we have.
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  And yes, you can achieve success from your survival identity.
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  You can build companies from it. You can look like you have it
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  all together on the outside. I think if most people met me
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  today, they would be like, Oh my God, she's been confident the
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  whole time. Look at all of the things that
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  she's doing. She wrote a book, she goes on
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  the news, she can be on TV. She built this company.
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  She's got it all figured out. And I can't tell you the amount
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  of times my husband has found me crying in my closet, which is
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  like my sanctuary, my safe space where I'm like, why is it so
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  hard? And I know we all have these
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  moments because we are human. But it's also fighting with the
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  the story of yourself every time you want to take the risk, every
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  time you want to do something different.
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  For me, when I decided I was going to start showing up on
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  social media in a different way, I started to think like, what
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  will people think? What like why?
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  Why do we care so much about what we, what people will think,
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  right? They're actually probably
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  cheering you on even if they're not commenting and if even if
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  they're not liking you can be an inspiration.
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  You can be an example of what is possible.
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  And so as you think about identity in my framework, I talk
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  a lot about not only first deciding what is the identity
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  that you want for yourself. For me, I always knew I wanted
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  to be a leader. I wanted to be a builder, I
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  wanted to be a problem solver. I wanted to be somebody who
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  trusts myself. I wanted to be somebody who who
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  does it, does the things that she says that she's going to do
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  and like blow people's mind. And I finally got to look back
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  and be like, Oh my God, I think I've blown my own mind.
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  But it's not just really deciding who you're going to be.
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  It's writing that down for sure. It's OK.
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  Here's here is who I want to be. But what identity shifts
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  actually need to change in your own mind to make that identity
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  become a reality? And what I mean by identity
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  shifts is, for example, my identity shifts are I speak up
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  for myself in every situation because I want to be a leader.
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  I want to be a builder, I want to be a problem solver.
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  But to know in my mind, the identity shift as I speak up for
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  myself in every situation makes me proud.
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  Or I do the things I say I'm going to do the days that I
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  don't want to work out. And let me tell you, I hate
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  working out. I hate it, I hate it.
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  But it's been really amazing to be in children's hospitals when
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  I do work out and a child gets so excited and they run into my
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  arms and they fall into them and they're connected to all of the
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  machines and I can hold them because my legs are steady.
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  Because all of those squats I didn't want to do actually paid
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  off. All of those things really
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  matter because the identity I said was I work out when I say
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  I'm going to. I'm going to show up when I say
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  I'm going to. And what all of that leads to
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  when you really sit down and say, here is who I want to be,
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  here is the identity shifts that I want to make.
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  It leads to somebody who follows through, somebody who other
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  people can trust. But most importantly, it leads
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  to you realizing you can trust yourself.
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  Every time I do a workout that I didn't want to do after that,
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  I'm like, man, I really am a person who does what she says
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  she's going to do. And it doesn't always have to be
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  working out. My identity shifts have been
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  like I take care of my body, which was also something that
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  was not taught to me early on in my life.
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  And now if you follow me on Instagram, you see, I do my
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  morning face immersion where I literally put my face in a cold
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  bowl of ice and water and it wakes me up.
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  It resets my nervous system. It does a lot for me for even
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  just like my mindset, but also as it's like a ritual.
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  These are like my morning rituals that ground me and set
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  me up for the rest of my day. And when I do those kinds of
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  things again, it's this, like this is who I said I was going
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  to be. This is the life I want to lead
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  and this is the identity of who I am.
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  And I can just decide that one day I just decided I was going
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  to do this super well. My friend Lauren Pronger, shout
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  out to you because you taught it to me. 3 seconds or 3 * 10
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  seconds. And that's all you need to start
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  your day in any bowl that you have.
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  I even do it when I travel. But when I decided I'm going to
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  start doing this face immersion and then I decided I'm going to
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  start sharing it online, the amount of people who have
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  practiced it for themselves sent me like I did my morning face
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  immersion today. You start to see the ripple
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  effect of what is possible when you put yourself out there, when
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  you do something different. And it really today, my mind
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  blown moment is that you can just decide.
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  And I, I think it's deciding with intention and it's deciding
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  with a, with a commitment. You know, when I was in my 20s,
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  I went to therapy. I've been through a lot of
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  therapy for a lot of things that I've been through in my life.
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  I've been working on myself for a really long time.
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  But my therapist at the time had said, just put a sticky note on
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  your bathroom that says I am worthy and just look at it every
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  single day. And you guys, I did every every
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  day I'm like brushing my teeth. And I think sometimes I like
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  brush really hard 'cause I would read this note and just be like,
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  I am worthy. I'm worthy.
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  But as you probably imagine, like nothing happened because it
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  was just an affirmation on a sticky note.
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  You cannot rewrite your identity with a sentence with an
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  affirmation that's on a mirror of, of a window.
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  I truly believe you cannot build the life that you want out of
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  the life that you survived or the identity that you survived.
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  I want to say that again, you cannot build the life that you
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  want out of the identity of the life that you survived.
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  If I kept believing all of those stories about me that weren't
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  true, I would never have said yes.
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  To be on TV, to write a book, to take on tiny superheroes.
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  And now I've built a company. I have employees.
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  We have impacted over 100 million patients.
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  We are transforming pediatric care across America.
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  Because I decided who my identity was.
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  That I'm not that girl from the trailer park on food stamps.
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  I'm not that girl that doesn't get chosen.
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  I'm not the girl that's not worthy of being protected.
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  And I'm not going to look at a sticky note that says I am
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  worthy and try to make myself feel differently.
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  No, I'm going to decide who I am.
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  And so that's what I want for you today.
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  I want you to take time thinking about what are the stories that
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  you believe about yourself that just aren't true, that you have
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  believed are facts for so long and they're not.
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  And then I want you to start dreaming of who you want to be
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  and write it down. Hold it for yourself and make
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  the commitment to yourself that you're going to start making
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  some identity shifts to get you to who you're becoming.
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  Thank you so much for being here with me.
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  I don't take it for granted and I I feel really connected to all
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  of you. I'm imagining all of you in your
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  lives in different States and different places and hoping that
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  something and some part of today's show really touched a
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  nerve with you or that some there's some moment that you had
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  where you're like, Oh my God, maybe those things aren't true
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  about myself. I think about you guys a lot.
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  And I also have been thinking about the courage that it's
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  taken to come out and to share my story and to be here with all
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  of you. And I want to hear about some of
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  the things that you might not have that you've believed are
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  true about your whole life and realize that they're they're not
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  facts and they're not true. And DM me, message me.
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  Take the moment and be brave and put yourself out there and
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  decide who you want to be because it is such a privilege
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  that we do get to do for ourselves.
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  And that's pretty awesome. So thank you for being on the
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  show and I can't wait till next time.
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  We'll see you then. Thanks for listening to the Blow
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  Your Mind podcast. If something you heard today
• 13:48
  stayed with you, that's your cue.
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  Apply one idea, keep one promise to yourself this week because
• 13:54
  that's how you blow your mind. If this helped you build proof,
• 13:57
  shift your identity, or have an aha moment, share your receipts
• 14:01
  on Instagram and tag me at Erica under score Center.
• 14:05
  Leave a review wherever you're listening so more people can
• 14:08
  find this work and blow their minds too.
• 14:10
  I'll see you next time.