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5 Ways To Start Building Your Family Team (with Examples) · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  We're going to dive into a few practices, tools, tips that are working for the Salis. We're going to talk about communication, family devotions, how do you integrate a family team and work, how this has worked for their family in terms of entertainment and their use of hospitality or the way that their team has been developed.
• 0:17
  Hi, welcome to the Family Teams Podcast. Our goal here is to help your family become a multi-generational team on mission by providing you with biblically rooted concepts, tools, and rhythms. Your hosts are Jeremy Pryor and Jefferson Bethke, and we can't wait to chat about all things family.
• 0:34
  Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. So I'm very excited about this. This is going to be a regular occurrence, a monthly occurrence on the Family Teams podcast. You guys hear a lot from me and April and different people in the community. We talk motherhood, we talk fatherhood. But at the end of every month, we want to release a podcast that is a conversation with a couple, a family that's been practicing this. Often these are going to be younger than me and April, so they'll...
• 0:59
  Probably be very relatable to you guys. And we want to just give you guys as many examples as possible. So this couple is going to both tell their story, help us really dive into a topic. But they're also going to jump on to a call in the Family Teams Accelerator and do a coaching call, a community coaching call as a part of that program. So if you guys are interested, head over to familyteams.com and check out the Accelerator. And so that's going to be launching the first topic, which is just this big picture topic of how do you become a team?
• 1:29
  And so that's going to be happening in the month of February. So if you want to join us and be a part of that, the first week we give you guys a playbook. The second week we have a community coach. In this case, the Salis, who I'm going to introduce you to in a second. We give you guys a special kind of exclusive tutorial video.
• 1:47
  And then we're, we do a town hall with me, April, and maybe some of our other family members and just kind of hit Q&A, whatever you guys need. So we just want to help you guys accelerate this process of becoming a part of a family team, this transformation from like individual to team. And so we want to start right here, like with what, what is it that really causes that to happen? So I'm super excited to be joined today by Nate and Caitlin Salih. Thank you guys so much for jumping on here today. Absolutely. I'm just, I'm just excited that we're young. Like you just said. That's right.
• 2:16
  Nate does look a little gray. I have plenty of gray, but I'm young at the heart still. That's right. Younger than us, at least. And it's awesome. I mean, Nate and Caitlin, you guys have been hanging around family teams ideas for about how long? Really, yeah, going all the way back to the beginning of our marriage. We went to...
• 2:32
  one of the OG or the original family teams retreats in Cincinnati. And that was very impactful for us. We were just newlyweds at that point, no kids and leaving that we just really caught a renewed vision for our family being a team. We've been part of sports teams our whole life and really, really,
• 2:52
  That was kind of beginning of our having kids journey kind of began. We've been married 13 years. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. So 13 and a half years ago was right in there, right around a dozen years ago. And we've had the privilege of being around a lot of other families who do this well. And so kind of learning from people around us too. So it's been a real blessing.
• 3:14
  Man, so cool. Yeah, so you guys are going to meet a lot of folks from Cincinnati. We'll also get people from elsewhere, but the Cincinnati and other Kentucky area, and both Nate and Caitlin, they are part of Fellowship of Christian Athletes, right, FCA? Yeah. And so this is a...
• 3:29
  What I really am excited about, like one of the reasons why I asked them to do this particular theme with us is team is like such a critical part of just everything they do in their lives. They both coach, they both get really involved in team sports. And so I wanted them to first just tell their story a little bit. And then they have kind of a series of really of tools or tips that have been really impactful for them. So stick around and
• 3:55
  Definitely want you guys to hear those. Those are going to be really, really helpful as you think about this transformation from just thinking, okay, we're just, you know, a family, just a group of individuals that just kind of hangs out, you know, a few times a week to like, no, we're trying to actually construct a team that can do things together. And so, yeah, first of all, Nate, Caitlin, you know.
• 4:13
  If you guys would describe a little bit about kind of the journey. So 13 years ago, you started hearing these ideas. Yeah, kind of take us from there. What happened and how did maybe introduce your family to just let people know who's on your team and then tell us how you became more of a team.
• 4:29
  Yeah. So it, it kind of goes all the way back to, uh, we separately grew up in faithful families that also love sports and we'd be both found our ways to more hits the university as athletes. Caitlin was one year ahead of me and, um,
• 4:44
  Her second year of college, she started this thing called FCA, Fellowship of Christian Athletes. And when I was a freshman, I showed up, and that's how we initially met. So there was always this connection around faith and sport, and it was very, very meaningful to us. And then we finished through college. I ended up going to graduate school here in Cincinnati. She's from Northern Kentucky originally, so we kind of got married, played in roots down here.
• 5:07
  I was a youth pastor at a church and was simultaneously getting exposed to some family teams, events and different things, and also went to a conference called the D6 Conference, which is based around Deuteronomy 6, that the law is to be impressed on your hearts and then you impress them on your children. So I was just from different angles. I was like, man, one of the best teams you're ever going to have is your marriage and your family.
• 5:29
  And then we began the journey of having kids. And then after about three and a half years of youth ministry, we came on staff with Fellowship of Christian Athletes, just are in the middle of our 10th year there and have still been trying to figure that out. How do we continue to work?
• 5:48
  you know, really prioritize our family team as we interact with all these other teams in our world. Yeah, without doing a deep dive into our entire testimony, because that's another podcast. I would just say, you know, in college, we both experienced a significant season of drought spiritually. We were removed completely from faith communities where we had been enveloped in that in our young lives.
• 6:11
  in our younger life. And so when we got to school, struggled by the grace of God, kind of got called back in to living on purpose and living on mission. That was really through the team, the vehicle of FCA. And so I think even just from that point, like we recognized we need to be on a good team. You know, I was on a volleyball team. He was on a baseball team. They served their purposes. But in terms of shaping my life, that wasn't the team I needed to be on. And so finding like-minded people, being on a community team,
• 6:39
  that was going to be striving after God's just holiness. And after kind of being kingdom minded, that was important for us and really the root of our marriage. And so we didn't start an FCA right away in our career, but it's just really sweet how God brought that back because that was where we both kind of came into relationship together. And then I would just add just a little bit more about kind of me as a mom. So I had a degree in education, so I was a high school math teacher.
• 7:06
  and taught at a few different schools in the area early in marriage, really only three years. And when we had our first son, really had to wrestle with that and decided to ultimately stay home, but started coaching. So kind of a weird, most people stop coaching when they have babies and I started doing it. And so that was a wild ride, but really good for my heart to have a ton of influence in my home. I was with my kids all day long, but at night for a
• 7:32
  operate in giftings that brought a lot of life and a lot of fruit around us. And so really from the time our kids were little bitty, they were in a gym and they were in, and we always have considered coaching ministry. So I wasn't actually on staff with FCA with him fully. I was his wife, which is always a partnership, but five years ago I joined staff and it's been really sweet to continue seeing our kids kind of hop into that.
• 7:55
  Yeah. And even back in the youth ministry days, we would, I would always not want to overwhelm her, but want to invite her into as many environments as possible. Hey, even bring the pumpkin seat, the car seat with the baby. And then if the things go sideways, you can, you know, dip out if you need to. But from the very beginning, we're like, as much as we can do together, we want to, we want to be together. Yeah. So good. Yeah. One of the things I love about your guys' story is this, this,
• 8:20
  You know, a lot of times when you have really young kids, people like babies, a lot of people ask us, what can we do to really prepare to be great leaders of our team? And I can think of almost nothing better than coaching a sports team like what you guys have been doing. And I think that just really prepares you well for for like this, this lifelong team you get to coach. So let everybody know what kids ages right now.
• 8:43
  Oh, all right. So we have a Truett, Evelyn and Sonny. So we have boy, girl, boy, and we're now at 11, nine and seven. So we said we were in the two year subscription there for a little while. Really sweet season right now with them. Awesome. Oh man, I love that. Those are great ages for doing all the team stuff. So this is perfect.
• 9:02
  Sweet. Well, we're going to dive into a few kind of practices, tools, tips that are working for the Salis. So we're going to talk about communication, family devotions, like how do you integrate like a family team and work, how this has worked for their family in terms of entertainment and their use of hospitality.
• 9:20
  Yeah.
• 9:45
  I think it's February 13th, but yes, 13th. The day before Valentine's Day, I remember now. So yeah, you guys are that evening on February 13th. So if you're in the accelerator, or you want to jump in there and drill into any of these topics, then you can you can find out more from the Siles on that call. So I'm really excited for them to be able to share more with you guys. So we're gonna start with communication, which is so important in a team. So tell us a little bit about how that has worked for your team.
• 10:12
  Yeah. Well, first I just love, I love that these tools are here. We talk a lot about I'm the wow and he's the how in our marriage and we need both. And if you're like giving handles, giving some context for like, man, I have this vision. I'm more, I'm deeply believing it, but now what communication, I think we wanted to talk about first because it really covers a lot of this. Like if we aren't believing, it starts with the belief. If I don't believe that I'm on your team, if I don't believe that,
• 10:39
  that when you win, I win. And when you lose, I lose, then we, you begin to attack, you begin to combat, you begin to in conversation and in communication, use tools that are just weaponized. And I think that is one of the things that God has so generously taught us being in the sport community is that as a coach, I can so quickly see who is the person on the team that's being selfish and how does that affect the,
• 11:06
  the greater good and the outcome. And so we address those things really quickly. And so in a marriage, it's no different. I remember it was probably three or four years in when I tend to be quicker on my feet and a little bit more aggressive. And he is kind and gentle and thoughtful and needs some time and space to think. And so when we would get into more heated conversations, I could win. Mm-hmm.
• 11:29
  And I could be abusive in that because I could, I could just kind of pin him in a corner. And there was a moment that, well, to the Lord really showed me and that I needed to repent. And I really just saw that I had hurt him. I was hurting him. And this man that I love, that I had vowed to be quick to forgive, I was finding ways to win. And God in his grace showed me that I'm losing. When I went to,
• 11:57
  And he loses, we lose. And so I think for us, communication, that's the beginning. I would just like to start there. Yeah, for sure. And just like language matters. It's one of the things that just happens on a daily basis. You don't have to schedule it. It's like as we change on how we talk about it. And then just seeing, you know, you have...
• 12:15
  When you have a problem to rise, you can see the other person as the problem to solve. Or I guess the picture we got is like, if we can both recognize that as a team, we need to deal with this issue. And we could almost come alongside and then look at the issue out in front of us and like attack that together instead of attacking each other. That was a huge shift. And like, hey...
• 12:36
  I'm for you. I'm on your team. I'm not trying to agitate this thing. Let's get on the same side and let's attack whatever you do. And that just changes the tone of everything. It changes the heart behind what we're going. Yeah. We have a, we have a common enemy, you know, like as believers, it's like the enemy wants us to think it's each other and it's just not, it's not in anything. And so I think that's really important that we believe we're on the same team. We see our common enemy. And then I would say for me, I've learned to, um,
• 13:04
  not equate your readiness to communicate with your love for me. So I would want it to happen now, always now,
• 13:16
  And when he wasn't quite ready or hadn't processed, in his wisdom, he's like, we can do it now, but it's going to go poorly. I don't feel equipped. And so I understand you need some time. Even last night, we were having a conversation about weighing some things in our lives. And it's like, hey, I understand this is a big conversation. I just want you to know I'm going to talk about it soon. So go ahead and start processing that. I've just learned to kind of give you a little bit of a, hey, this is coming. And I'm going to expect it to be great.
• 13:47
  But it's him kind of a head start to prepare. And I'm not trying to catch him on his heels. And the final piece of that would just be using the language Team Salih. We went to a family camp recently. And we even made shirts with Team Salih. And we all had kind of nicknames on the back. And just having that idea, as our kids know, like, oh, when I play a sport, I have a role. And I have a position. And I'm a valued member of this team. I want them to feel that...
• 14:13
  as much if not more on our team that each kid knows like, hey, you're all individuals, you don't have different roles, different positions, but you're a valued part of this team. And that can apply to a lot of different things.
• 14:25
  Yeah. We also said, speaking to kids, we want our kids to watch us work through hard things. They don't get to see everything. They're not always behind the curtain. But they are, you know, there are many times we're in the van and we're going to talk through things and they're going to see what it looks like to set the problem in front of us, talk about it. Because if I'm going to expect them to also create a healthy team, they have to know how to do the hard things. And it would be really selfish to not show them that.
• 14:55
  Very cool. Awesome. One of the things I love about what you guys have done, and I don't think I've heard this theme anywhere else. This whole idea of like, we need to be okay losing together. What you said, Caitlin, about like, look, there's no such thing in a family team as one person winning and the other person losing either. We all win or we all lose. That is such an incredible insight. I think it's so helpful. You can see that on a team when you're coaching a team and you've got an individual player who's just like, well, I crushed it, even though we lost the games.
• 15:23
  It's like you just, you realize, no, no, no, that's not how this works, right? But a lot of people don't apply that to the family. So, man, that's so helpful. I think just getting into that mentality, talking that way. So thank you guys so much for sharing that. So super helpful. All right, family diva. People ask us all the time, like, how do we get the Bible, the scripture more into our family team? How does that work? So tell us a little bit about how you guys do that.
• 15:45
  Yeah, it started with our first kid, Truett, and we were given the Jesus Storybook Bible, which is an incredible resource. We would highly recommend that. We even had given that to college athletes who were just trying to get their brain around the big story of God. Went through a story from life, and it was kind of a great kid version of that. Like, how do you get the big picture going?
• 16:03
  That started out, I mean, it was sloppy. I mean, he was three or four at that time. He was wiggly. Just getting three or four minutes reading through the story sometimes was difficult. So really, you get to set the expectations low, especially if you have littles. But it was honestly more for us building that habit than it was for him at that point, I think, the really early days. And then we just tried to find resources that can be quick but meaningful. So we've gone through multiple devos that are like by Luli Giglio that can be...
• 16:31
  They'll have these like fun facts about science or whatever, but they're always tied into a verse of scripture. There's always a prayer at the end. And just try to, you know, regardless of our own individual studies or reading plans, we always want to have a moment where it's like, hey, we're all in this together. We're all on day 37 of this thing together. We're still a journey together through it. And then we can celebrate when we're done with it. Try to have some time like that. And we bless them at the end of each night before the day.
• 16:56
  before bedtime, which can be a little crazy. So it's just a good centering for all of us. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we've, we're not at the place and I think we have to, we've grown more in giving ourselves grace. I think earlier on when we were watching families way ahead of us,
• 17:13
  both probably in spiritual maturity and in age, that we were trying to mimic the exact thing they were doing. And it was like, this is terrible. This is not fruitful. I'm going to, you know. And so what we had to learn is being adaptable, being flexible, and kind of leaning in, like, what is something that's going to speak to them? Like this book we found, there's a series, it's our third one. It's all about God and science. And so my kids lean a little nerdy,
• 17:43
  It plays into the world. And there's always a scripture. There's always a takeaway. There's always a prayer. Our kids are all now reading. They're at the age where they're all reading. And so they get really excited to take ownership of each night. And it's like, hey, who's reading tonight? And they kind of have a plan. Sometimes they fight over that, which is always great. We're like, going into Bible study, fighting over who gets to read. But still, they're engaged and they want to do it. And then we do have just some memory verse things. We've actually kind of like,
• 18:11
  bought into like a plan that sends us tattoos that our whole family is wearing the same scripture tattoo for a couple of weeks. That's awesome. Is that, do you know the name of the, who does that? It's called Dwell Differently. And so you get a package subscription. So we get like, I don't know, it's like 12 to 15 tattoos for that month. And so you can probably...
• 18:30
  Yeah. If you don't scrub it off, you can, I think it'd be on for two weeks. And so even our seven year old wears a tattoo every day at school and he can tell you the verse. So that's, we've been hit or miss. There've been months that we've been like, that's been kind of off to the side and we're focusing on something else. But now we're back. We've got to do a little catch up, but then we'll just like throw it on our forearm and it's the first letter of each word of the verse. So it kind of helps you. It's like just enough to, you need to memorize it, but it also kind of helps you along the way. And you get a lot of good questions and conversations out of that too.
• 18:59
  Well, yeah. So we haven't talked a lot about the deep dive of like what we do in ministry, but we're both really engaged in KU. So weekly we're with a bunch of college athletes. And so when we have our big huddle thing, we're teaching and we got our tat, we're all tatted up. I've had people come up to me like, Oh, whoa, did you get a tattoo? I'm like,
• 19:16
  Kind of, you know, but they, they, then they see my kids and they have them and it's just really cool. Like our, our college kids, and I'll talk more about this later, but our college kids are seeing, well, your whole family is doing this and then they'll come up to our kids checking in. Hey, do you know your Bible verse for the week? Like, you know, it's just been really sweet to kind of share that.
• 19:33
  When a seven-year-old's able to say, be patient in affliction and be thankful and pray. It's just like the thing and they love it. It's awesome. Yes. Oh, man, that's so good. Because you can see how the youngest could reinforce things that God's trying to speak to.
• 19:49
  you know, their parents about just through memorizing and awesome. Those are great resources. I think, I think what you're saying, Caitlin too, about just look, you got to do what works for your family. You know, you might see some other family, they might do some crazy thing, whatever. Um, so, so these are great resources. Jesus storybook Bible. Um, I think Luke, Luke geek Leo's things called, is it indescribable? Is that the name of the, the one we're doing is explore the wonder. Yeah.
• 20:14
  How great is our God or something like that? The other title? So multiple titles. Okay. And then the tattoo thing was, you say dwell differently? Is that what it is?
• 20:23
  Yes. Then one more thought, this is a little bit fresh and new for us. And it wasn't even something that we planned. This is more of those, your kids are going to, things are more caught than taught. Like sometimes we have to be really, we want to be intentional and those are really cool things. But then sometimes just as we're operating, as we feel God has called us as individuals to operate, our kids are catching things. Right. And so my mom growing up every day, I saw her reading her Bible in the morning. My mom still to this day reads her Bible through the year, every year.
• 20:51
  It's always been so impressive and so encouraging to me. And so intimidating. And intimidating. I wasn't there for a long time. I know my way sort of around the Bible, but I hadn't read through the Bible fully until like three years ago. And so anyway, I started doing a plan called the Bible Recap, which is an incredible tool for you as individuals. But I think as a family, it's been interesting for us because Truett, my oldest, loves to read. He's always been a super self-starter. Yeah.
• 21:21
  read The Purpose Driven Life and journaled on it. Like, he's just different. Like, we didn't make him like that. Like, God, you know, and I'm just like, oh, I need to be in my Bible because Truett's keeping, you know, and so he started doing the Bible recap and he just got through the whole Old Testament. So that's not as much of a family thing, but just to show, like, do some things together. But just as you are walking with the Lord, as you are being disciplined in things, like, don't be afraid to invite your kids into that.
• 21:47
  Don't, I mean, you don't know when things change until they change. Right. And so he got to the place where he was like, seeing, he was listening to the podcasts with me. Like there's a commentary podcast every day. He was listening to them in the morning, asking good questions. And then one day he was just like, can I do this? And I was like, yes.
• 22:06
  You can't. Let's do it. So that's just another one. It's another good tool. I love that insight. You don't know, like your kids are leveling up constantly, cognitively, in terms of curiosity. And so, yeah, they might suddenly start asking questions or wanting to get more advanced. And that's why being a step ahead and inviting them into that.
• 22:27
  That's so cool. Okay. That was super helpful, guys. Thank you for just those tools. And I think that's great. So family at work. So how does this work for you guys? So this is something people constantly are struggling with. And that is like there's this giant block of time that just in most people's calendars just say, you know, family off limits. You know, this is where I buckle down and just get our work done. So I know this every time we bring this up, people come from very different places.
• 22:52
  work situations some that are flexible some that are not so we just want to expose everybody to as many ideas as possible for for how this could work and so yeah i'd love to hear how this is working for you guys
• 23:04
  Yeah. And I, yeah, you don't want to be sensitive because we have a, we have a job that is very appointment based. It is flexible. There's pros and cons of that. So in some ways it's kind of entrepreneurial. So we're fellowship of Christian athletes. We have staff and volunteers and groups all over Northern Kentucky area across different regions. And we post up a lot here at campus at Northern Kentucky university, but yeah,
• 23:26
  just looking for the opportunities that you might just like default to be like, Oh, the kids couldn't come to that, but it's actually give yourself a moment to like filter that, like under what conditions could that happen or what does that look like? So we have during the school year, every Monday night is a meeting here at NKU. A lot of the nights our kids don't come with us, but there are certain like,
• 23:48
  Outreach events or larger events where we know, hey, there's going to be testimonies or baptism or worship nights or different things where it kind of where it wouldn't make sense. And I just want to say the only reason they're not at every single one of them is just because it would be it's late.
• 24:04
  And it would be particularly hard on them. But every time they're here, there's value. And so we've actually had to play with that. There have been some seasons where our kids are at everything. And then there's some seasons where it's like, okay, this needs to be, we need to be more thoughtful of when specifically we're inviting them in. And now we're at the age where, you know, back when they were younger, we would just be like,
• 24:25
  We would have to be more flexible to one of us would have to leave the room if a kid needed to leave the room. Now it's like the expectation is that if you're cuddling, you're a part of this. And so we get to give them we try to give them as much clarity on their role and the expectations we have for them as possible. And so we just had a really cool I know there's this isn't on the notes, but this had a really cool worship night here. It was kind of a.
• 24:46
  spontaneous thing that happened. We had like 30, 35 athletes down here one night and we had been gone all weekend. We had had a college retreat backed up to a marriage retreat and our kids were with granny all weekend. They weren't with us. And then we felt the deficit of that. So we get home and there was this worship night that was so sweet and spontaneous. We wanted to be a
• 25:09
  our kid Truett shared a word at the end. And, you know, he was like, I'm getting kind of hot. It's a little sweaty. He was feeling like the Lord, like, I want you to say this. And each in front of a room of 30 D1 athletes, Truett delivers this word on the cost of discipleship. And it was, it blessed the room and just reminding our kids that you are no less part of the body because you're 11, nine and seven. And if you have a word from God, let's go, you know? And so
• 25:34
  They're not in everything. That would be crazy. It would be hard on them. And we found ways to balance that. So the other kind of venue too is like, what was that coaching volleyball? In the early days, I would sometimes show up to the gym with a stroller and be like, we might be here for 20 minutes before things go really south and I need to go. But we still would just go and try.
• 25:56
  Now that we've gotten older, our daughter Evie is now on the bench during the game. She has a little junior manager shirt. She's part of the huddles and just getting a front row seat to what's going on. I think it's a check for everybody on the bench, honestly. Just attitudes and everything as well. But then the boys are behind. We sit behind her bench on purpose in support and cheering her on. But trying to find ways to, hey, if we're going to do this, then we're going to do it. And so I've been invited to speak to her team.
• 26:26
  to share with that. And they, you know, we have them over to our house a couple of times a year, at least. So they get to see a marriage and a family that, that picture, which again, the whole cop more than top thing. So just, just having, I think having that lens, like the value of somebody that that's looking to you for a picture of maybe somebody, something they, they didn't have or something they would, they would want to have.
• 26:49
  I think those volumes. So just maximizing those opportunities. And I know a lot of jobs don't, aren't conducive to that, but just finding those pockets, whether it's lunchtime or, you know, the drive, you know, the drive time, like that, and going back to the D6 thing, instead of walking along the road, like time in the car could be so precious for those, those organic conversations and, and see those as, as opportunities.
• 27:11
  Yeah. Yeah. I think a couple of things I wanted to touch on just for clarity, because I think I want to be honest when Evie's on the bench with me, there are still boundaries. So I'm in business mode. I flip a switch. I'm pretty intense and she's there to observe and serve.
• 27:31
  She's not there to ask me a lot of questions. If she needs a snack, she goes to dad. I'm not mom at that moment, you know, outside of a, a. High five girl. Yeah. Encouragement or medical emergency, I'll switch the flip, you know, but so I think that's important to say that we can have boundaries with our kids. And I think that's really healthy because they're going to watch like, oh, I get to see my mom do this thing.
• 27:54
  And I get to partner with her in this, but I'm not going to be needy here. I can't be needy. I'm going to be a part of this. I have to be, you know, able to be old enough to handle that moment. And there's, I think we're going to talk about hospitality later, but just having, having, there's been times where we've even had one-on-one meetings that I don't anticipate being a super deep spiritual, like, like it's not like a big crisis type appointment, but I've taken through it with me. Hey, we're going to go have a smoothie with this guy who just graduated and, you know,
• 28:23
  He's just kind of figuring out some life stuff and he just gets to sit in and to see how that interaction goes. And then we'll debrief it on the back end. And I'll even tell him, hey, I'm going to try to see if the conversation goes this way. Here's what we're praying for. Here's probably his next step and think through some of that. And that was like, you know, just kind of the one-on-one stuff. So it's not always appropriate to do that, but just trying to be discernment on, again, if you're looking for those opportunities, I think they'll pop up. It might not be in the ways that we've seen, but for you, you just got to keep looking for them. Yeah, totally. Yeah, man, I love it.
• 28:51
  Yeah, we're going to do a whole month just on this theme, like integrating kids into work. And it is so critical to the team shift that we're describing this month. And so I love that you guys are highlighting that. And it does require training. It requires some experimentation. There are age appropriate times where you just can't do it that in that season, but a couple years later. Okay.
• 29:11
  I think I can train them now so they can be in an environment like this and really understand, okay, mom's wearing this hat. Like you got to, you know, you got to understand what that means when you're in this environment so that we can spend more time together so that we can experience more together. So I think that's so helpful. Okay. Thank you guys for sharing that. I had two more things to keep my mind on this.
• 29:29
  Um, one we, so we have homeschooled in the past. Our kids are in public school now and I'm now full-time. So my whole journey of motherhood has been very diverse. I've worked just none. I've worked in, actually, that's not true. I've always worked a little, um, in different pockets part-time, but now it's the first time for the last year that I've been, or two years I've been full-time. And so when our kids are in school and I'm working full-time, this is really important to us. Yes. I capture this time. Yeah.
• 29:55
  Yeah, I actually, so I taught, I coached at Highlands for eight years and felt very clearly in my spirit in 2022 that that chapter was done for no other reason than God said it was done. It was a great season of my life. And we left and we ended up homeschooling for a year. And then we ended up putting our kids in Walton Verona schools. And I wasn't planning to coach. God called me back into that kind of unexpectedly, but we wouldn't have done it if as a family team, it wasn't going to work. Yeah.
• 30:23
  So we sat our kids down. Hey, what does it look like with mom back in the gym? How do you feel about that? They were all pumped. Okay. What does it look like after school? When, when's the best time for practice to lose the least amount with our family? What days do we need to just not play? I'm not playing on this day. It's sacred. Okay. Okay. We're not going to do like just creating things that were like.
• 30:44
  If my kids are in public school, this has to happen. So this became really important to us. And then the second part is not just bringing kids into the work. You know, and again, our work is ministry. So I want to speak to that too. Like, maybe it's ministry. Like, how do you get your kids involved in the things that you're passionate about in the kingdom? What are their giftings? What is, as a family, what is your DNA? Like, what can you uniquely touch on together? So like, I am better with Nate.
• 31:12
  I am better with me. So why would I not want him in my gym with me? Why would I not want him in a group discipling other athletes with me? He's not an assistant coach by time rule, but he's like my assistant coach in many ways. So he walks into the gym. The girls know him. They trust him. When we're about to play a big game, he comes in and he motivates and he encourages. He just ran into one of the players out.
• 31:34
  randomly at the dentist the other day and she loves him. Hey, Nate, like there is relationship there. So not just bringing your kids into that, but as a, as a couple, I think that is my greatest superpower is that I don't have to do it alone. Is that God blessed me with a partner that's like, I am your compliment and I'm with you. So I would just encourage you to find creative ways to do that too.
• 31:55
  Yeah, I hope you guys are hearing. One of the reasons why I really was so excited to have Nate and Caitlin on is because you guys have really thought through, okay, we're going to maximize a lot of things. We're going to maximize. Mom's going to go, and she's going to work, and she's going to coach, and there's going to be a lot of activity there. Dad's going to.
• 32:14
  you know being so you guys like puzzle pieces have figured this out in ways that are really creative and it's just working for your family um and i think that we want to like really emphasize like um and i love the way you kind of walk that through caitlin like if it was if it was going to hurt the team you know in some major way like we're going to shift gears but if we can figure this out and really get this win-win-win we're going to do we're going to try that we're going to make that happen and you guys have figured it out and and um i think that's super helpful
• 32:41
  Um, all right. So yeah, I want to talk about entertainment. So this is something people today, they tend to think about this as an individual thing. It's getting increasingly individualized. This is a real issue. So we want to hit this, this, this month. Um, how does this work for you guys? Have you guys brought the family together around this, this area? Yeah. Yeah. We're, we're pre, uh, kids having phones, which I know is super helpful for this particular stage. So I know we might not be, might be the exponential difficulty might be hitting us, uh, pretty soon. Um, yeah,
• 33:09
  But, but if I won't take your center on this, but if our kids, we have, you know, screens are in our house. Right. If our kids had unlimited access to screens, they would sit on them. Yeah. That is true of our family. Right. If they had unlimited access, they would sit on them at all times because we have them. No, no. Yeah. With the switch and different things like that.
• 33:24
  Uh, so entertainment, a couple of big, big things we've discovered. We somehow, uh, by God's grace have found a YouTube channel that has tons of content and they also have an app now. It's, it's dude. Perfect. They're one of the top YouTube people. Um, but they have that their videos plus an app that has other like vetted content. And for whatever reason, from seven up to 37, we can all sit around and we're all good. There's no fighting.
• 33:50
  If we're throwing Dude Perfect Dawn, everybody's in and we can enjoy that together. And they've now even done a tour that we've been to one of their tours before in person. It was in Columbus, Ohio. And at the very, it's a bunch of goofy stuff, trick shots. It's just a lot of like good, clean fun. It's not like constantly like faith programming. They're openly Christians, but yeah.
• 34:10
  But at the very end, they said, hey, you know, if you need to go, go ahead. We want to stick around. We'll share our stories. And the main Dude Perfect guy sits there, shares his testimony, and lays out the gospel. And, like, this is incredible because...
• 34:25
  they've watched hours and hours of these guys and, and it had an affinity for these guys and see them as, as role models. And here they are the guys that I know that they love and adore are telling them about Jesus. And it was just, it was like really cool. It was a mixture of fun. We're doing it together, but it also points them to the Lord at different points. So that's just been a huge blessing to,
• 34:45
  You know, if Dude Perfect is listening, like, you know, give us some tickets or sponsors or something. So that's one. And then just we put sporting events down in our notes. And that's mainly like the Bengals just recently had just a really awesome run going to the Super Bowl. And they've just been like very relevant. There's kind of a buzz and just kind of leaning into that, like watching games as a team, like getting jerseys. And, you know, so there's some of the local teams, Reds, Bengals, things like that.
• 35:12
  And then supporting our athletes here at NKU has been a really cool thing that we can do together. It's not always one of us just going out and doing something or that's just vegging out, watching football all day, just like whatever is on. It's like, no, if there's a Bengals game as a team, we're going to support the Bengals and we're going to do that together and have snacks and make it fun. Yeah.
• 35:31
  Yeah, I would just add to that too. Specifically, when I think about like Dutrophic and other channels like that, who are we letting our kids have as heroes? You know, like, are we thinking that through people that they're watching and studying? Like, who are their heroes? And do we want them to see more of their life?
• 35:48
  And actually, Dooper now has their own app that has other content. So there's been other channels that we found that if we're going to do this, if we're going to give screen time as a family, let's watch that and celebrate these cool guys together. And it's spurring on good conversations. It's things that we are teaching, but they're seeing heroes say.
• 36:09
  It's different. It just hits a kid different when they're hearing it from different places in their life. And then the sporting events, those things are inherently godly. They're not like we're going to every Bengals game and God is being on display. But there is something really precious about shared experiences and caring about linked together and being like, yeah, this is exciting.
• 36:32
  And we'll also break down, like, we know who the strong believers are on the team. We'll root for them. We'll say, hey, that's probably not a great way to respond if somebody does something really stupid. We'll even talk through, most of the time we're just meeting the commercials. But if a dumb commercial comes on, we'll, like, even process it. It's like, oh, what are they trying to sell you there? What lie is that? You know? And so we still try to even take Bengals games and make the most of the opportunity. Right on. Very good. Very good.
• 36:59
  Yeah, I think the real problem that we're all struggling with culturally is with kids, it's screens alone in rooms. It's just not good. And that just takes over their lives. What's that? What they're watching is discipling them. We're always getting discipled by something. And I think we forget the same impact of intentional discipleship also happens with unintentional discipleship of just the random, you know, I've heard somebody call it the, what's the...
• 37:29
  It's almost like the roulette. Like you're just scrolling. You're just doom scrolling. You have no idea what's coming on that next swipe up. That's right. So dangerous. The portals just like come into your house and you have no idea what's going on and how it's shaping your kids. And so, yeah, to really counter that, there are people who just like, you know, say zero media.
• 37:47
  Um, but I think that oftentimes if you can find something as a family to really enjoy, get behind and it could actually build this sort of team culture. Uh, we've certainly found that with certain, you know, certain media, uh, has been really, has actually really blessed our family. So, um, yeah, I love that you guys have done that. And I think that's, that's a really powerful tool to figure out. Excellent. Cool. We got one more hospitality. Tell us how this works for you guys.
• 38:12
  Yeah, so we feel like we've seen it modeled. We've experienced it over the years through family and friends that have really done it well and tried to walk this journey years ahead of us. But the power of inviting somebody into your home.
• 38:26
  it's your space. So you get to own the boundaries and what's going on, but to be able to be a kingdom outpost for other people and inviting them in, they get to see just, you know, an imperfect, but peaceful home. One that's, that's working together. One of the ways we involve the kids is they're going to be our welcoming committee when people come over at the door. Sometimes they'll even have made effort of like a Shabbat dinner or something. They'll make name cards and we'll,
• 38:55
  We'll like preset the names at the plates and they'll know that we're coming. And hey, like, hey, this is a way, this is in the same way we go out and do a Bible study somewhere. Having people at our home is ministry. And we have, you know, Bibles on our mantle that all mean something. I have one from a distant relative that's this huge Bible that used to be in this church opened up. And then there's one that my dad gave me, another one above that. And just trying to create...
• 39:20
  you know, an experience more than just like, hey, come over and have dinner. And we feel this pressure to entertain you the whole time. It's like, hey, we're living our life and we're going to invite you into our life in an intentional way. And we love meaningful conversation. So going after that, asking the kids to share, and we're constantly asking the kids to see if they would be willing to pray. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Usually it depends on the number of people we have over. But to say, hey, you have a job in this, and this is a way that we can bless other people. We want our home to be, again, just like that kingdom outpost.
• 39:49
  Yeah. I would just add, you know, I wouldn't necessarily prescribe that you should care if your house is clean or not when people come over. I do care. I'm just going to admit it. I want my house to be tidy. And but what we have learned is if I'm doing that alone, I get rampagey.
• 40:07
  I like get like in tornado clean mode of like, get out of the way. That's not the hard I want when I'm about to enter into hospitality. And so to counter that, because again, I just want to make sure this is heard really loud and clear that like anything good we've come to, it's probably come through failure and through doing it wrong.
• 40:25
  And so 35 times doing it. Yeah. So like, I don't know. So like, even just that, like having our kids go, Hey, and you've had to help me with this too, so that I'm not demanding help, but then you're like, Hey, we're not helping mom.
• 40:40
  That's the wrong language. Yes. We are cleaning our home to bring people into it. We get to do that. So giving them ownership of the task and not just being like, all right, guys, stop whatever you're doing and help your needy mom. Like that's so damaging to the relationship. It's so damaging to their perspective of, do I even want to bring people over here? And so I think that's been something we've recently...
• 41:05
  And we can almost use that. We haven't used this language before, but just kind of hit me like in the same way that we would get ready for a game. It's like this is the game. Like people are coming over and we need to have a pregame. We got to get together. We have to get ready and prepare for the game that's about to happen tonight. It just happens to be people coming over.
• 41:20
  And we let our kids, you know, again, this is age appropriate. Like we would have done this when they were in diapers, but like we let our kids into the why of a night a little bit more now than we used to. So like if we have, like we had our core team for NKU. So we had what? Well, it was like half the core team. Like six or seven kids came over for dinner the other night.
• 41:39
  What is the why? We lay it out. Hey guys, just so you know, like we're going to spend before anyone gets here, like we're sitting down with our kids saying, Hey, we're just going to be talking with them for about the first 30 minutes, just to kind of catch them up on life. Then we're going to jump into some teaching time. And we would love for you guys to be a part of that. If you're feeling up for that, if you're feeling like you have the energy to be a part of that, great. If not, we're going to find something else for you to do in another part of the house, but we're not going to be disruptive. Like this is our goal. And so yeah.
• 42:04
  I think that's been helpful so that they're not like, what can I do now? What can I do now? They're not, there's just clarity on it. Right. And I think just different seasons of life have been different too. You have to fight for ways. It might be life-giving for you to pick, cook this, you know, two, three course meal for people when they come over. Or we've also just gone to Costco and gotten a rotisserie chicken and some Caesar salad and called it good for that night.
• 42:28
  different parts of life. Like just find what, it doesn't have to be this grand experience. I just, I just want to like, like lower the bar for what you think it has to be for it to be a big deal because people are going to feel loved and cared for because of the relationship, less about like the tangible things you're, you're giving them. And final thought for me, and you can, you can wrap it up on this, but.
• 42:47
  I was told years ago by a guy I had discipled for two or three years and he's in the line. I'll never forget. He's like, Nate, I've heard you share probably a hundred messages in my time, you know, as a part of this ministry, but I got to tell you, the times you've allowed me into your home, uh,
• 43:02
  has been the most impactful because I've seen a picture of your marriage. I've seen a picture of how you parent and I know you're not perfect, but you've given me just, you know, a visual aid of what it, what it could be when I get married. And I've just never, never forgotten that. And just want to invite people, give them access, match your plan of evangelism, one of the best books ever. It kind of lays that out.
• 43:25
  Yeah. Yeah. I just, we, I, we have a couple, even, I'm not going to say their names, but we wrote their names on here. People who have spoken that directly to us, like we're in college ministry a lot. So we're in this really sweet, like,
• 43:38
  It's like so important to me to look at young people who aren't married yet and give them a picture of what it should be. When they're coming from broken homes, maybe they're new to Christ. Like they don't even know how to walk out their own faith, much less build a family around that. And so, you know, we need to be living on mission out loud. I would encourage you to have your peers over, have friends, have your community over 100%. But like invite people that are outside of that box.
• 44:04
  Invite people that are different than you. Invite younger people into your home. Like they need to see, they can get a great meal somewhere else, but what are they gonna learn from your family? What are they gonna feel? I mean, I have a woman who just recently, like I was going through some stuff and I needed to process with a friend and a mentor and she just brought me in and just made me feel loved in her space. Like it didn't take a lot, it just took time. And so just find ways to do that as a family. Yeah.
• 44:31
  So good. I love it. Yeah. Like you said, I think at the beginning, Nate, the house is a forward operating outpost of the kingdom of God. And if you want to experience the kind of total integrated sort of team ministry, then do it in your home with your kids. But you have to do this kind of coaching. I love you guys describing kind of that process.
• 44:54
  pre-game, you know, locker room rally talk. Hey guys, this is what we're doing. This is the vision. This is how it works. And Caitlin calling out that there's probably one of my greatest pet peeves is, is that phrase like we're everything that the family does is helping mom. Oh man, that kills me.
• 45:09
  It's like, and I think, I think because it just, I think there is a sense of that because it's like, oh yeah, in our culture, it's just, you know, the only person who cares about the family as a whole is mom. And so anything that we do as a family is helping mom, man, that's just so toxic. So yeah, no, this is, this is about us. This is our team, you know, and getting in there and casting that larger vision and saying, getting that buy-in from your kids. So that isn't about just one member of the family or another individual activity. No, that's what this, this whole month is about.
• 45:37
  is really making sure that we're all understanding that God designed this family to be a team and our language and our actions have got to reflect that transition. And this is tough. And this is why we want to give you guys all these handles. And this is super helpful. So it is to reiterate you guys who are listening to this, if you want to jump in the accelerator, the actual cart is going to close at the end of January. So if you're hearing this, I think you probably have about, you know, maybe 24 hours left. If you missed the accelerator this month, jump on next month.
• 46:04
  an incredible month on their romantic partnership, which is really how to craft like date nights, how to have team meetings as a couple. So jump into that. We're going to keep driving this theme deeper and deeper through that accelerator. So jump over there if you're interested. And those of you guys who are in the accelerator, I can't wait for you guys to actually get to hang out on February 13th with Nate and Caitlin and just talk about whatever's on your heart. And if you
• 46:28
  If things that kind of like stirred up these themes or other themes that you guys are really, we want you guys to share that with the community. That's why we call it a community coaching. And Nate and Caitlin will be there to kind of help facilitate that conversation and, you know, share and answer questions. But we also want you guys just come, you know, what's working for your family? Come and share those wins with us, with the whole community. We want to hear it. And so thank you guys so much for jumping in here today and sharing with us. Yeah. Thanks for having us. I have one thing that's pressing in my heart. Yeah, do it.
• 46:56
  I feel like we shared a lot of good things. And I just want to remind people that we have gotten this wrong. We have been off balance. There have been seasons where we were trying to be thoughtful and it didn't work right. Or like we invited our kids into work too much. Or we have, I mean, probably the worst one is when we have, we're trying to be so hospitable that we end up not having any alone time as a family. And so just recognizing that,
• 47:25
  You're going to have to constantly weigh this. You're going to have to constantly, I'd rather be aggressive and then figure that out on the back end, but not apprehensive or, um, or slow to move. So take a step in that direction. And then you can always course correct. God is gracious in that. Yeah. Trial and error guys. There's no other way to do it. You got to, when you're recovering something you haven't seen before, it's going to take a lot of trial and error. So thank you. Thanks for sharing that Caitlin. Thank you guys so much for jumping on here and excited for everybody to get to get to hang with you guys.
• 47:53
  Yeah, it's been awesome. Thanks for asking. Thanks for hearing me. Thank you for listening to the Family Teams podcast. If you're enjoying this content or have learned something new, please make sure to leave a rating and review and share with a friend. To stay up to date with our events, new content and products, you can follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Family Teams.