Latest / Reformed Thinking / The Home as the First Pastoral Field: Managing His Household Well as a Qualification for Eldership (1 Timothy 3:4–5; Titus 1:6)

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The Home as the First Pastoral Field: Managing His Household Well as a Qualification for Eldership (1 Timothy 3:4–5; Titus 1:6) · Reformed Thinking

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  Welcome to Reformed thinking. So I was browsing a job board
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  the other day. I do this sometimes, you know,
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  just out of curiosity to see what's happening in the
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  landscape. And I was looking at postings
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  for senior pastors positions at some fairly large evangelical
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  churches. And honestly, if you stripped
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  away the church name and maybe one or two specific references
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  to Sunday services, you would swear you were looking at a
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  listing for a a regional manager for a mid sized tech firm.
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  It is startling when you see it in black and white like that,
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  isn't it? You see those bullet points.
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  Must be a visionary leader. Oh, absolutely.
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  Proven track record of scaling organization.
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  Dynamic communicator. I actually saw this one
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  strategic stakeholder management, I mean for a church
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  job description. And it just, it made me stop and
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  realize we are in the middle of a kind of a silent crisis.
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  We're undergoing this massive tectonic shift, how we view
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  leadership, and I don't think we really realize how far we've
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  drifted. We're elevating the the
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  professional over the proven. That distinction right there is
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  the heart of the matter. It really is the professional is
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  a set of credentials. The proven is a character.
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  And what you're describing this, this lust for the CEO pastor,
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  it's a very subtle shift. It's not like we're explicitly
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  saying, oh, we don't care about holiness anymore.
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  No, of course not. It's that in our zeal for
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  efficiency, for growth, for, you know, cultural relevance, we've
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  swapped the biblical mandate for shepherds, for a corporate idol.
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  But let me play devil's advocate for just a second.
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  I mean, churches are organizations.
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  They have budgets, They have buildings, they have staff.
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  Don't we need a guy who has some administrative acumen?
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  I mean, a holy man who bankrupts the church isn't exactly helpful
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  to the Kingdom. You know, and that is the common
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  pushback. It always is.
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  And let's be crystal clear, administrative skills, not a
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  sin. Competence is not an enemy of
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  the gospel. If a man can read a sreadsheet,
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  that's a good thing. The problem arises when we
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  prioritize those functional skills above the domestic piety
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  that's required by Scripture. We are seeing search committees
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  routinely bypass the evidence of the private home because they
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  are just so enamored by the public figure.
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  They want the guy who can hold the room.
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  Do you want the guy who can hold the room even if he cannot hold
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  his own children's hearts? And it's this idea that a man
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  can be a disaster in private, but a success in public.
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  And as long as the sermons are fire, to use the, you know, the
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  modern vernacular, we just look the other way.
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  Precisely. And that right there brings us
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  to the mission of this discussion.
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  We are going to dismantle that whole pragmatic approach.
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  We need to look at what the Apostle Paul, writing under
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  divine inspiration to Timothy, actually established.
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  He creates A checkpoint that you just cannot bypass.
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  A non negotiable. A non negotiable, he says the
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  household is the seminary of the pastorate.
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  And we're looking specifically at First Timothy 3 verses four
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  and five. This is the text that confronts
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  this modern error just head on. It's unavoidable.
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  The central idea of this text is this.
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  A man is disqualified from stewardship in God's house if he
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  has failed to steward his own house.
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  That's a strong statement. It is, and we need to be clear
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  right from the start. This is not a suggestion for
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  work life balance. This isn't Paul saying hey, make
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  sure the pastor takes a day off so he doesn't burn out.
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  This is a theological axiom. It puts the stakes incredibly
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  high. It does because the family is
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  the microcosm of the church. It's the laboratory where a
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  man's ability to lead is tested and proven.
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  If a man cannot shepherd the souls of his wife and children,
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  you know, protecting them from air, leading them in worship,
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  maintaining order, he possesses no capacity to take care of the
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  Church of God. So that's the image we need to
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  keep in our minds then. If the bricks, the family are
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  crumbling, the cathedral, the church, it just cannot stand.
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  That is exactly the right way to see it, so let's get into the
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  text itself. OK, let's unpack this.
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  We're looking at what you've called the grammar of
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  leadership. We need to do some some
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  exegetical analysis here. The text says a Bishop or
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  overseer must be one that ruleth, well, his own house.
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  Now rule is a loaded word in 2026.
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  Very. It sounds authoritarian.
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  It sounds like a dictator. It does to our modern ears,
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  right? Which is precisely why we have
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  to get back to the Greek to see what Paul's actually saying.
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  The word he uses here is prostomy.
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  Prostomy OK, break that down for.
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  It, well it's a compound word. You have pro which means before,
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  and histomy which means to stand.
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  OK, so the literal lexical force of the term is to stand before
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  or to be at the head. Of to stand before.
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  That's interesting because when I think of ruling, I think of a
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  king sitting on a throne, looking down on everyone.
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  But standing before suggests something spatial.
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  It's a different image. It changes the image entirely,
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  and it immediately corrects 2 very common errors we see in men
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  today. First, it rejects the passive
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  manager, the absentee landlord father, who sits in the
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  recliner, signs the checks and lets Mom do all the heavy
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  lifting. Right.
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  He's not standing before anything, he's hiding behind
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  something. He's leading from the rear.
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  He's the guy who says go ask your mother.
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  Exactly. But secondly, it also rejects
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  the tyrant who drives his family like cattle from behind.
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  The biblical picture of Prostomi is much closer to a military
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  captain or maybe a shepherd in a hostile field.
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  He stands in front of his charges.
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  He's the shield. He is the shield, he creates the
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  perimeter. So if there's a threat, whether
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  that's a spiritual threat or a cultural lie or just the chaos
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  of life, it has to go through him first.
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  He cuts the path. He's the first one into the
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  breach. That is what ruling a home
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  actually looks like. It's exposure.
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  It is taking the hit for your family.
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  Wow, that is a much heavier burden than just being the boss.
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  It sounds sacrificial. It is inherently sacrificial.
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  And then look at the grammar Paul uses.
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  This isn't just a suggestion. He uses what's called the
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  present active participle. OK, for those of us who maybe
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  skipped Greek class in seminary or never went, why does the
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  participle matter so much? It matters because in Greek
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  syntax, the present participle denotes continuous durative
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  action. It's a motion picture, not a
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  snapshot. So you can't just point to that
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  one time you did a family devotional 3 years ago and say
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  see I ruled. No, that doesn't cut it.
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  It's not about a guy who occasionally leads family
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  devotions when he feels guilty about it.
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  It describes a man who settled character and habitual lifestyle
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  are defined by this standing before.
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  So it's a characteristic. He is characterized by a
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  constant active presidency over his home.
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  If you took a video recording of his life for six months, the
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  overwhelming data set would show a man who is engaged, present
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  and leading. It's a lifestyle requirement.
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  I'm thinking about going to the gym.
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  You can't say I'm a weightlifter because you went one time in
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  January. You're a weightlifter if you are
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  essentially always in a cycle of lifting.
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  That's a very fair analogy. It's a state of being, and the
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  object of this rule, this leadership, is his own house, or
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  idiyuoku in the Greek. That phrase seems to emphasize
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  the sphere of personal responsibility.
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  Idios means one's own right. Yes.
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  And the Oikos, the household in the 1st century was a very
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  comprehensive unit. It could include servants,
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  financial affairs, maybe even extended family living there.
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  But the context here, as we'll see it clearly focuses on the
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  children. This leads us right to the
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  logical core of the passage. You call this the a fortiori
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  argument. This is the engine that drives
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  the whole text, and a fortiori argument is an argument from the
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  lesser to the greater. OK, so walk us through the logic
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  there. Which part is the lesser and
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  which is the greater? The own house is the lesser
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  sphere, and I don't mean lesser in importance, not at all, but
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  lesser in difficulty. Think about all the natural
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  advantages a father has in his own home.
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  Well, First off, you pay the bills.
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  That gives you some serious leverage right there.
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  Huge leverage. You control the resources, you
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  control the schedule. You decide if the Wi-Fi stays on
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  or not, but it's more than that. You have blood ties.
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  There is a natural affection, A biological bond between a father
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  and child that predisposes them to love you even when you're
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  imperfect. You're the dad.
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  You're the dad. The deck is stacked in your
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  favor. So Paul is saying, look, you
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  have the home field advantage here.
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  This is your training ground. Exactly.
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  Now compare that to the Church of God, which is the greater
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  sphere. The Church is composed of all
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  these diverse families who do not share your DNA.
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  You're dealing with supernatural bonds, not just blood ties.
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  You're dealing with intense spiritual warfare.
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  The resistance is often much, much greater.
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  And you can't just ground a church member or take away their
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  car keys if they act up. Right.
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  The tools of authority are completely different, so the
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  logic is inescapable. If a man cannot exert moral
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  influence where he has all these natural advantages, it is
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  exegetically impossible for him to exert spiritual authority
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  where the difficulty level is significantly higher.
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  That makes complete sense. It's like saying if you can't
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  even ride a bicycle with training wheels, you certainly
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  can't ride a motorcycle on the highway.
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  That's a very good analogy. If you cannot lift the 50 LB
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  weight of the home, do not attempt to lift the £500 weight
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  of the bride of Christ. You will get crushed and you
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  will crush the people under you. And Paul gets even more specific
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  about what this rule looks like. He says having his children in
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  subjection with all gravity. Now, subjection, that is another
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  one of those words that makes modern people really
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  uncomfortable. It sounds like we're crushing
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  their spirits or something. It does, but again, we need to
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  understand it. Biblically, the word is
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  hypatogo. It has military undertones.
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  It means to arrange under or to subordinate oneself to a chain
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  of command. It implies that the home is not
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  a democracy. It's an ordered structure.
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  It is an ordered regime under the Lordship of Christ.
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  But then comes that crucial modifier with all gravity.
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  This is the crucial nuance. The Greek word is semno toes.
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  It refers to dignity, stateliness, a kind of moral
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  seriousness. So this modifies how the father
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  rules it. Likely applies to the father's
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  manner of ruling, though it certainly reflects on the
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  children's response as well. It effectively prohibits a
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  domineering or harsh style of leadership.
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  A father who secures subjection through terror, through
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  screaming, through physical intimidation.
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  He has not fulfilled the text. He has violated the gravity of
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  the office. That is a huge distinction.
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  You can have obedient kids who are just terrified of you.
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  They're quiet because they're scared.
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  According to this text, that man is disqualified.
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  Correct, because the goal is respect, not just compliance.
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  The elder must rule in a way that commands Simnet, whose
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  dignity it's an honorable rule. The children obey not because
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  they've been battered into submission, but because there's
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  a sense of rightful order that the father upholds.
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  And this connects perfectly to the next segment we need to talk
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  about because we have to look at the parallel passage in Titus.
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  This is where I mean, this is where the rubber meets the road
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  for a lot of guys. Yes, Titus 1.6 a critical text.
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  Paul is writing to Titus, who is in Crete, and the context there
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  is pretty chaotic, isn't it? Oh, it is.
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  Titus was left in Crete to set things in order.
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  The Cretan culture was notorious.
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  You had rebellious talkers and deceivers who were, quote,
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  upsetting whole households. So these domestic qualifications
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  aren't incidental here. They are the frontline defense
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  against cultural chaos. Now here is where it gets really
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  interesting. And frankly, this is the debate
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  that can break apart elder boards.
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  The text in Titus says an elder must have children who are
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  pista. Right, and here we enter the
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  battlefield of translation and interpretation.
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  Because pista can mean believing, as in saved,
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  regenerate Christian children, or it can mean faithful as in
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  trustworthy or obedient. And depending on which Bible
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  translation you have sitting on your lap, it might say either
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  one. That is right, you'll see both.
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  Now I know good men, I mean faithful, godly men who have
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  stepped down from ministry because their 16 year old wasn't
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  a Christian yet they felt this text demanded that they produce
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  a convert. I've seen it too.
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  And you can see the logic, right?
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  If the pastor's the professional Christians, shouldn't his
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  product be Christians? That is the argument.
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  It's pragmatic argument, but if we stick to our reformed
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  theological framework, that interpretation just collapses.
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  We believe that salvation is of the Lord.
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  As Jonah 2.9 says, a father cannot regenerate his child's
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  heart. He cannot force the Holy Spirit
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  to act. So if we interpret believing as
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  saved, we are requiring a man to do something only God can do.
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  Precisely. And that would create a
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  qualification that depends on God's secret election rather
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  than the man's faithful stewardship.
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  We would be asking a man to perform a miracle as a
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  prerequisite for the office. It's an impossible standard.
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  But surely there's a correlation.
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  A good dad is more likely to have saved kids, right?
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  Of course, a faithful father is the ordinary means God uses to
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  save children. No question.
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  But we cannot make regeneration the hard requirement.
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  And look at the context. Paul clarifies what he means
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  immediately. He has a negative.
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  Qualifier right after Pista. Right after he says the children
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  must be not open to the charge of debauchery or
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  insubordination. OK, let's define those terms
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  because they give us the guard reels debauchery.
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  What does that mean? The Greek word is isotia.
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  It refers to a wasteful, riotous life.
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  The best picture is the prodigal son in the far country spending
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  his inheritance on wild living. It's a life of excess and waste.
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  Got it. And insubordination.
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  That's in a patakta. It means a stubborn refusal of
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  authority. Anarchy, a refusal to be subject
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  to anyone. So if you put it all together,
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  Paul isn't asking, has this father secured an invisible
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  spiritual transaction in the child's soul?
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  No, he's asking, is this child a wild, riotous rebel who brings
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  shame on the family name and the name of Christ?
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  Exactly. The standard is judicial and
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  pastoral, not speculative. The cordon is not.
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  Can this man guarantee conversions?
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  The question is, does his household display and ordered
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  credible obedience that fits with godliness?
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  So it's really about reputation, isn't it, Public witness?
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  It is. The text uses the phrase above
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  reproach or not open to the charge.
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  This implies a public reputation.
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  We aren't talking about private rumors or the fact that a
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  toddler threw a tantrum in the supermarket.
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  We've all been there. We've all been there.
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  We're talking about a credible, repeated pattern that is known
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  to the community. If a man's home supplies the
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  community with evidence of chaos, his witness is
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  compromised. And that is the key.
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  If the town police know the pastor's kids are the
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  ringleaders of the local riot, how can he stand in the pulpit
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  and call the church to holiness? He has no moral leverage.
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  His life contradicts his message.
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  And this isn't just a New Testament idea, is it?
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  This concept of the household seems woven into the entire
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  Bible. It isn't like Paul just invented
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  this for Timothy out of thin air.
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  No, it is absolutely foundational to the whole
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  biblical story. We need to trace this pattern
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  through redemptive history. We can go all the way back to
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  creation. Adam.
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  Adam was the covenant head. He was given a garden to work
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  and to keep. He was the first manager and it
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  was the immediate fruit of the fall.
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  Disorder in the home. Disorder in the home, Blame
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  shifting the woman you gave me. The breakdown of domestic order
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  was the very first result of sin entering the world.
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  Because the very first crisis in human history was a failure of
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  Price Domi, a failure to stand before Adam, stood by while the
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  serpent spoke. There's.
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  A chilling way to put it, but yes, absolutely He abdicated his
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  post and then we see the recovery of this pattern with
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  the patriarchs. Look at Abraham in Genesis 18
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  verse 19. God explains why He chose
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  Abraham. What does he say?
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  He says, For I have known him to the end, that he may command his
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  children and his household after him, that they may keep the way
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  of the Lord. Wow, so he was chosen
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  specifically to command his household, not just to believe
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  for himself, but to order his house.
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  To catechize them, to lead them. And then you move to the Mosaic
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  covenant, Deuteronomy 6. Where is the primary place of
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  instruction in Israel? It's the home.
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  It isn't the Tabernacle, it's the home.
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  You shall teach them diligently to your children.
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  The Passover itself was a domestic right.
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  It was a father explaining redemption to his son at the
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  dinner table. It's intimate, it's local, it's
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  family base. And then the New Testament picks
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  up this exact language and explicitly calls the Church the
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  household of God, the Oikos, the eco.
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  So that is the theological synthesis.
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  The office of Elder is not ACEO, it's not a manager, it is a
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  spiritual. And this has huge implications
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  for how we view gender roles as well.
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  It stands as a bulwark for complementarianism.
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  The text just presupposes male headship.
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  One cannot uphold male leadership in the church while
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  denying it or being passive about it in the home.
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  It's inconsistent. It's completely inconsistent.
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  If a man abdicates his headship at home, whether through
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  passivity or by, you know, yielding to the egalitarian
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  spirit of the age, he disqualifies himself from
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  leading the Church. And it also cuts against our
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  modern pragmatism. Absolutely.
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  Business acumen is just irrelevant to the care of souls
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  if the domestic foundation is rotten.
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  A man might be able to balance a multi $1,000,000 budget, but if
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  he cannot govern his children, he lacks the specific spiritual
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  gift required to care for the Church of God.
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  So let's get practical then I can hear the guys listening to
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  this saying, OK, I get the theology, I see the argument,
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  but what do I do? What is managing well actually
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  look like on a Tuesday night when the kids are fighting and
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  the homework isn't done? Right.
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  We need to apply what theologians call the third use
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  of the law, how this command guides our obedience, not for
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  salvation, but out of gratitude. So for the guy listening who
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  wants to be a pastor someday, what's the advice?
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  What's the first step? The advice is this, stop looking
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  for a pulpit and start pastoring your family.
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  The home is your primary diocese.
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  If you were too busy with your seminary papers to read the
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  Bible to your toddler, you are failing the test.
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  You are trying to get the credential while ignoring the
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  qualification. That's a powerful thought.
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  So we've identified 4 sort of observable criteria of a well
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  managed home. Let's run through them #1
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  ordinary spiritual leadership. This isn't a performance.
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  That's the key. It's not about putting on a
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  show. When guests come over, it means
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  he prays, he speaks of God in the natural rhythms of life and,
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  crucially, he does not outsource religion to the youth pastor or
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  the Christian School. That is a big one, the drop off
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  mentality. I pay the Christian School
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  tuition so they handle the Bible stuff.
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  That is a complete abdication of prosthomy.
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  He must take responsibility for the spiritual temperature of his
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  house. He needs to know what his kids
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  are learning. He needs to be the one answering
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  their hard questions about God. #2 on the list Husbandry.
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  This is how he loves his wife. She is not an accessory to his
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  ministry. She's not a prop on the stage
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  with him. Is she cherished or is she
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  crushed? What does a crushed wife look
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  like in a ministry home? What are the signs?
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  She looks tired. She looks silenced.
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  She looks like a woman who is carrying the weight of his
• 19:09
  public image rather than resting in his love.
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  Does he listen to her? Does he bear her burdens?
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  A man who leaves well at home has a wife who flourishes under
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  his care, not one who witters away.
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  That's a good diagnostic #3 discipline and.
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  This is where the rubber really weeds the road for a lot of
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  dads. Discipline must be clear, it
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  must be firm and it must be gentle.
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  Clear, firm, gentle, unpacked, gentle.
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  Because we talked about that idea of gravity earlier.
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  No must mean no. If a father says stop and the
• 19:38
  child ignores him five times before he finally explodes in
• 19:41
  anger, that is not managing well.
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  That's chaos followed by tyranny.
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  But gentle means he controls his own spirit.
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  He must avoid provoking his children, which Ephesians 6
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  warns us about. How does a dad provoke his kids?
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  Sarcasm, instability, impossible standards, those things provoke.
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  Sarcasm is a big one. Dads think they're being funny,
• 20:03
  but they are cutting the kid down at the knees.
• 20:05
  And it creates A wound it. Creates A wound and it creates
• 20:08
  distance. A ruler who mocks his subjects
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  will eventually face a rebellion.
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  Just a matter of time. And #4 atmosphere.
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  We go back to that word semnotos, dignity.
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  There should be a sense of gravity in the home.
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  Now, this isn't a Funeral Home atmosphere.
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  Christian home should be full of joy, laughter and loud singing.
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  But there is a moral gravity where sin is taken seriously.
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  It's not the artificial quiet of fear.
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  No, it's the piece of order. I love the distinction you make
• 20:34
  about law and gospel in the home because we're not just talking
• 20:37
  about behavior modification here.
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  We aren't trying to raise little Pharisees.
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  No, that is moralism that creates whitewashed tombs.
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  The shepherd theologian in the home uses the law to expose the
• 20:49
  need for a savior When a child sins.
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  The Father doesn't just say stop that because I said so.
• 20:55
  What does he say? He says this behavior shows that
• 20:58
  you have a sinful heart just like daddy, and we both need
• 21:02
  Jesus. So the discipline itself points
• 21:04
  to the cross. Exactly.
• 21:06
  The home should be a workshop of grace, not a showroom of
• 21:09
  perfection. It needs to be a place where
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  forgiveness is practiced constantly and the father should
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  be the first one to repent when he sins against his family.
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  Now, whenever we talk about this, people get nervous.
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  They have specific scenarios in mind, you know, what about this?
• 21:22
  What about that? We need to handle some of these
• 21:24
  difficult cases because life is messy.
• 21:27
  It is, and nuance is required here.
• 21:29
  We must apply the standard without lowering it, but also
• 21:32
  without making it cruel or illegalistic.
• 21:34
  OK, scenario A the adult child, you have a pastor.
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  He was faithful, he did his best.
• 21:39
  But now his 25 year old son has walked away from the faith.
• 21:42
  He's deconstructing online. Is that dad disqualified?
• 21:45
  This is the nightmare scenario for so many faithful parents.
• 21:50
  We have to make a crucial distinction between authority
• 21:53
  and influence. A father has authority over
• 21:56
  children who are in the home under his roof.
• 21:58
  He has influence over his adult children.
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  A grown child's rebellion does not automatically disqualify the
• 22:04
  father unless unless it is traceable to a long pattern of
• 22:08
  earlier abdication or hypocrisy. If the Son says I left the faith
• 22:13
  because my dad was a tyrant who preached grace on Sunday and
• 22:16
  beat us on Monday, then yes, he is disqualified.
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  The fruit reveals the root. But if the Father was faithful
• 22:23
  and the mystery of sin takes the child away, we must remember
• 22:26
  that parents are not the Holy Spirit.
• 22:28
  So we looked at the dad's track record.
• 22:30
  Was he faithful when the boy was 10/12/14?
• 22:33
  Exactly. We judge his stewardship, not
• 22:35
  just the final outcome, which is in God's hands, OK.
• 22:38
  Scenario B. The rebellious teenager.
• 22:41
  The kid who was 16, living in the house and is just testing
• 22:43
  every boundary. Maybe he got caught drinking or
• 22:45
  he's refusing to go to church with the family.
• 22:47
  Here we have to distinguish between a season of turbulence
• 22:50
  and a settled culture of defiance.
• 22:53
  Every teenager test boundaries. That's part of growing up,
• 22:57
  separating and becoming an adult.
• 22:59
  The question is this. Is the father actively
• 23:02
  shepherding through the rebellion?
• 23:03
  He's engaged. Is he engaged?
• 23:06
  Is he pursuing the child's heart?
• 23:08
  Is he praying for them? Versus the dad who just gives
• 23:11
  up. Right.
• 23:12
  Is he resigned? Is he saying, well, kids will be
• 23:14
  kids and just letting it slide? Or is he so angry and
• 23:17
  controlling that he's lost the relationship completely?
• 23:21
  A father who is actively, biblically wrestling for his
• 23:24
  child's soul during a hard season is actually demonstrating
• 23:28
  leadership. He is in the fight.
• 23:30
  That's the qualification. That's a great point.
• 23:32
  OK, Scenario C disability or special needs?
• 23:35
  This is a very important one. Providential limitations are not
• 23:38
  moral disqualifications. A child with autism, for
• 23:41
  example, might struggle with what looks like submission in a
• 23:44
  neurotypical sense. They might have meltdowns.
• 23:46
  They might not be able to sit still in church.
• 23:48
  And a judgmental congregation might look at that and say he
• 23:50
  can't control his kid. And that would be a cruel and
• 23:53
  unbiblical application of the text.
• 23:56
  The test is always is there faithful oversight appropriate
• 23:59
  to the situation? Is the Father caring for that
• 24:02
  child with patience and dignity and love?
• 24:05
  We cannot penalize a man for the Providence of God.
• 24:08
  In fact, a father who loves a special needs child with that
• 24:11
  kind of patience is demonstrating the very heart of
• 24:13
  Christ. That is really helpful.
• 24:16
  Let's hit the three big misapplications you see.
• 24:19
  The first one is perfectionism. Right, the error here is
• 24:22
  demanding sinless children. It's the if your kid misbehaves
• 24:26
  in church, you're fired mentality.
• 24:28
  I have seen that happen. It's tragic.
• 24:30
  It is tragic. The correction is in the text
• 24:32
  itself. It asks for managing.
• 24:34
  Managing implies dealing with problems.
• 24:36
  If there were no problems, you wouldn't need a manager.
• 24:39
  The qualifications about how you handle the sin, not the absence
• 24:42
  of sin. Misapplication #2
• 24:44
  authoritarianism. We touched on this.
• 24:46
  The error is equating submission with silence or fear.
• 24:49
  My house is quiet, therefore I manage well.
• 24:51
  But silence can be the silence of a prison, not a home.
• 24:54
  Correct. And the correction is that
• 24:56
  requirement of dignity, of cemetos tyranny destroys the
• 24:59
  church. If you rule your home with an
• 25:01
  iron fist, you will batter the sheep of God.
• 25:04
  You will create a culture of fear in the congregation because
• 25:07
  that's the only tool you know how to use.
• 25:09
  Then the third one, misapplication #3 abdication.
• 25:13
  This is the boys will be boys mentality.
• 25:15
  The error is saying I can't control them so it doesn't
• 25:18
  matter what they do. The passive dad, the buddy dad,
• 25:21
  the dad who wants to be liked more than he wants to lead.
• 25:24
  Exactly. And the correction is that
• 25:26
  phrase. His own household.
• 25:28
  He is responsible. He cannot shrug his shoulders
• 25:30
  and outsource it. He is responsible for the
• 25:32
  environment and the response to sin.
• 25:34
  He has to step up. This has been heavy, but really
• 25:38
  good. But we can't leave it just on
• 25:39
  the man's shoulders. If we end here, every father
• 25:42
  listening is just going to feel crushed and defeated.
• 25:45
  We have to look at the archetype.
• 25:46
  We must end with Christ. We absolutely have to.
• 25:48
  We must point to Hebrews 3 verse 6.
• 25:51
  Christ is the true householder, Christ as a son over his own
• 25:54
  house. Whose house are we?
• 25:56
  And Jesus perfectly synthesizes all the things you've been
• 25:59
  talking about, doesn't he? He does.
• 26:00
  He synthesizes authority and care.
• 26:03
  He rules with absolute gravity. He upholds God's perfect
• 26:06
  holiness. He doesn't sweep sin under the
• 26:09
  rug. But he also rules with infinite
• 26:11
  care. He lays down his life for the
• 26:14
  sheep. He faces the danger first.
• 26:16
  He prosto made the wrath of God for us.
• 26:18
  That's it. He stood before the wrath of God
• 26:21
  to protect his bride. He took the blow that was meant
• 26:23
  for the family. Human elders are just under
• 26:26
  shepherds. They are pale, imperfect
• 26:28
  reflections of the Great Shepherd.
• 26:30
  So for the man listening right now who feels the weight of
• 26:33
  this, how does he do it? Because if he tries to do this
• 26:37
  in his own strength, he will just become a legalist or a
• 26:40
  failure. There's no middle ground.
• 26:41
  You can only do it through union with Christ.
• 26:43
  The gravity required is not a personality trait he can muster
• 26:46
  up. It is the fruit of the Spirit.
• 26:48
  Jesus said it plainly. Apart from me you can do
• 26:50
  nothing. A man can only love his wife
• 26:52
  sacrificially if he is drawing from the sacrificial love of
• 26:55
  Christ for the Church. He can only be patient with a
• 26:58
  rebellious teen if he remembers how patient Christ is with him
• 27:02
  every single day. And we have to rest in the
• 27:04
  gospel indicative. That's key.
• 27:07
  This is vital. We do not rule our homes to be
• 27:10
  justified, we rule them because we have been justified.
• 27:13
  That takes all the pressure off. It changes everything.
• 27:16
  It changes the motivation entirely.
• 27:18
  When a father fails and he will fail, when he loses his temper,
• 27:22
  when he neglects family worship, he does not despair.
• 27:25
  He doesn't say, well, I'm lost, it's over.
• 27:28
  He repents. He flees to the cross.
• 27:30
  He apologizes to his kids. He shows them what repentance
• 27:33
  actually looks like in practice. The home becomes a place of
• 27:36
  constant grace. Gospel driven home is where sin
• 27:40
  is constantly being washed in the blood of the Lamb.
• 27:42
  That is a beautiful place to land.
• 27:44
  It turns the home into a place of redemption, not just a place
• 27:47
  of rules. It is the only place to stand.
• 27:49
  So as we wrap up, we have a final charge to the men of the
• 27:52
  church. The days of passive fatherhood
• 27:54
  must end. The enemy plunders the house by
• 27:56
  binding the strongman. That is what Jesus said.
• 27:59
  We need fathers who will stand before their families as Christ
• 28:02
  stands before the Church. We need men who are present.
• 28:05
  We need men who are not afraid to be the bad guy sometimes for
• 28:08
  the sake of the good of their families.
• 28:10
  We need men who will take up the mantle, who will protect their
• 28:13
  little churches from the idols of the age, from the chaos of
• 28:17
  the world. And here is a final, provocative
• 28:20
  thought for you to chew on this week.
• 28:21
  Reflect on this. If your family life was the only
• 28:24
  sermon your church ever heard, what gospel would they believe
• 28:27
  you preach? Would they believe in a gospel
• 28:30
  of grace and order, or a gospel of chaos?
• 28:34
  Or maybe a gospel of fear and performance.
• 28:37
  It is a sobering question, but a necessary one.
• 28:40
  Thanks for joining us on this deep dive.
• 28:42
  It has been a. Privilege.
• 28:43
  We will see you next time.