Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 114 Lauren Chandler on Brave Prayers, People Pleasing, and the Chandler Roast

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Episode 114 Lauren Chandler on Brave Prayers, People Pleasing, and the Chandler Roast · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is Cynthia Gannoff and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey friends, welcome podcast, so glad you're here.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And do you know what?
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's officially fall.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it doesn't feel like fall and definitely not in Dallas, although it's been a little cooler, but September one, like I'm in for it.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've already made pumpkin donuts.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I have, and I've made pumpkin bread.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like something, I mean, I'm not like someone that loves to cook and spends a lot of time in the kitchen, but something outfall, man, it brings out the very best of me.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Been to Hobby Lobby, looked at all the things, yes, so.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Happy fall you guys so far to put about it and football my gosh yeah all the things I love my favorite time of year I'm wondering if it's yours too all right but listen speaking of amazing things that I love it's Lauren Chandler and you guys if you don't know Lauren Chandler you need to
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: She married a mat, Chandler, the village church here in the Metroplex area of Dallas, Fort Worth, and she's a worship leader, and she is a speaker, and she's just incredible.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: It does all kinds of things, a mom.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, wife, and today, she is talking to us about navigating this parenting of adult children and navigating people pleasing and perfectionism and some hard places in marriage.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that through it all, we talk about the bravest prayers that we're praying for our family, for ourselves.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so she's just such a jewel.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I don't get to talk to her enough that she's always so willing to come on and share where she is in life and be honest and vulnerable.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And yes, at the very beginning, it's a little weird because I specifically say, I'm not going to ask you about
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: something that's going on or that was going on in their life.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I proceed to ask about it and then she talks about it and is a total Cynthia moment.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there you go.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, something's never changed and that's me and somehow putting my foot on my mouth.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I love it.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: This she was here for all of it.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you guys, here we go with Lauren.
• 2:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lauren, welcome back to the podcast.
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: How are you?
• 2:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm good.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: How are you doing, Cynthia?
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm good.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I always love talking to you guys.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's so much fun.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we actually, I say this every time, but we live within thirty minutes of each other, never met in person.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know, one day.
• 2:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's going to happen.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to make this happen someday.
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was thinking out something with you guys.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was watching social media and I follow you guys, obviously.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And before anybody panics, it gets sweaty.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not getting ready to ask the question.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I'm going to ask.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you and Matt both had kind of a health scare in the last year, right?
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was in the December for me, in the December like over Christmas and the New Year, and then into January for Matt.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so I remember, I mean, literally I remember praying over y'all.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember it started with you and then it was Matt and I was like, oh my gosh, and then it wasn't that much longer.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you posted something that I thought, and I can't remember, I should look it up.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was so fabulous.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're basically like, thanks for praying guys.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're better.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're not actually going to disclose all of our medical stuff.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought that must be a hard way to live.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: That like you feel like, you have to tell people like,
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey, I'm probably not going to tell you every detail of our illness.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's got to be tough.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was weird.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think the part of the reason we didn't want to tell people is because we didn't want them to be freaked out and weirded out, especially like in our community.
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because everybody was like, oh my gosh, what if this is your like patient zero and all this stuff?
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: And they were just not very many answers to what we have.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: I have
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: The only, I mean, I'll tell you, because it's past.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think in the midst of it, it was one of those things where I was like, hey, if this was something that we felt like, general public was at risk, we would say something.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: But right now, we're still trying to figure out, we're trying to, and honestly, it was almost just a boundary where I'm like,
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't have to tell you.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: If I don't want to, so please don't do that to me.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: But now that I'm kind of in a place where I'm like, OK, I'm willing to talk about it, which I don't really don't mind.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of funny.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you don't have to.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: You made the point of that there is such an expectation.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And even me, I was like, well, gosh, how are we ever going to know?
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, wait.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my business.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thought that was it's interesting.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: We think we all have the insider trying to everyone's life and we deserve an answer.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, no.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: No.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: No.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I will kind of tell you because it's kind of a funny story because there's been no confirmed diagnosis for me.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I think Matt and I have the same thing.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: He just probably had two separate things.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: What I had in like a common goal virus.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: So they didn't test me for a common cold virus because I did not present as someone who had a common cold virus.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it was not COVID.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was like adenovirus.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I guess there can be some cases where if it's in close like living spaces or like colleges, military bases, it can kind of get out of hand.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: and can be pretty serious, but they didn't test me, so I didn't test positive.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Matt did test positive, but he'd also kind of been sick before he got really sick with what I had.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I have a theory.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: I love a good theory.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love a good theory.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's go.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it came to me while I was watching an episode of the PBS show, All Creators, Great and Small.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Are you familiar with that?
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm familiar.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't watch it, but that's okay, Lauren.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that you do.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, good.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want to like crawl through the screen and go live in that era.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: But there is an episode where the vet gets brucellosis.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: And his symptoms were really similar to mine and to mats.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I started thinking back through when I got sick, the timeline of beginning sick, the timeline of mat, getting sick, it was so far apart for an incubation period would have been crazy.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was around so many more people because it was the holidays.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'd gone, I'd prepared food for a family gathering.
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'd prepared food for a friend gathering.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, while I started feeling sick.
• 6:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't know sick.
• 6:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just didn't.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was kind of like, I don't feel great.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think I'm okay.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: And, but one thing I had done was I had put corn in our deer feeder.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: And Bruce Lewis is kind of like a bacteria that are fungus or something that can be airborne.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So you can breathe it in, add some deer, the dinlet grate around my feeder, and then, you know, I get home from the doctor or from the hospital.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Even the infectious disease doctor was like, I think it was something this looks like more if you were around animals or something like that.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I didn't think of the deer feeder and then it had been cold and we'd had low visitors but hadn't been there.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the corn wasn't in the feeder.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I asked Matt to fill it for me while I was still recovering at home.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: He filled it and he got sick not not long enough after he filled it.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's, I'm like, I think it was the deer.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think there was something that we breathed in when, you know, when you throw that corn in, stuff gets kind of kicked up and sound like, I think it was something that was at the deer.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, it was the deer.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't even worry people because this is a high, high, operating high investigative podcast.
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, G, P, T, B, T, brisclosis are how recent.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's bacteria from the brussella.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you say Guinness?
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I say Guin.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: G-E-N-U-S.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's embarrassing now because I don't know how to say the word.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Clearly, I'm so medically challenged.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, symptoms, everyone.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: fever, sweats, fatigue, joint pain, headache, sometimes called endulant fever.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know if I said that right.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because symptoms can come and go.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Common and livestock's cattle go cheap pigs and can pass their humans direct contact or by contaminated animal products.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: For a girl who just said I was going to ask anything about it, we really have got to depth about it more and it's fine.
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: But that's just my theory, but it was something that felt like out of nowhere and no one else around us got sick like that at all that we need.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank goodness.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I've always wanted to have and
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to come off really shallow everybody.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've always wanted to have the exact same thing that my husband had because I wanted to prove that I'm so much tougher.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I can't really speak of it anymore because my husband nearly died of encephalitis and meningitis like twenty years ago in no joke, Lauren.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right before he went in the hospital, I didn't know what he had.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, take a Benadryl and let's move on.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And ever since then, everyone's like, oh, take a Benadryl, but I have wanted to secretly have the same thing I has been had to see because I mean, you know, the show must go on.
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're not testing you for a common cold because of course you didn't present with that.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm fine.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm fine.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And here's what's weird.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny.
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: you know here I am in the hospital for eight days and I come home it was like I was hoping to come home and like bounce back and be ready you know but I was like a toddler I'd wake up I'd eat then I'd get tired I'd take a nap then I'd wake up and eat and then I'd get tired and take another nap it was crazy
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I like the first day I started feeling almost normal.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Was the day I started seeing Matt kind of tank and I was like, man, no, I'm not dying.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like let me recover.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Please let me recover before you get sick.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm still sick.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You cannot have this moment.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, can I just tell it?
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you had brain cancer.
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: Can I at least just have this?
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, let me just have the dear feed disease without you trying to steal the thunder.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, we're so glad you guys are healthy and doing well and all the things.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell us how all your kiddos are now.
• 10:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Our oldest Audrey's twenty-two, our son Reed as a nineteen, he'll be twenty in a couple months and then our youngest just turned sixteen.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: So all my kiddos are driving our Norris started school to see other day and first time she's driven herself to school.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's like a whole new world for me.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm trying to figure out what what I'm doing here.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what's my role?
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's what I was hoping we could talk out today.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: It just praying brave prayers over different areas of our life.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know why hit me when I was praying about what we could chat about because I know you can talk about anything.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, you know what, I want to know which what she bravely praying over her, self her kids her marriage.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so that's how this all kind of started.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so let's just start with parenting adult children.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And by adults, like you still have one in high school.
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's adult to me because I do have older wins, but I also have a third grader.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you know, but let's just talk out these older kiddos.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's kind of taking you off guard as your kids have gotten older that you weren't expecting.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe you just said it like what's my role, but what is that?
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think there's what's my role's huge like what's my role is their parent what's my role in life you know as being a stay at home mom mainly I mean I do projects but I feel it my main job is taking care of the kiddos and taking care of our home and the running of it but I would say what has really caught me off guard
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: is, you know, when your kids are little, they consume a lot of your time because you're taking care of them.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you've got to get them from here to there.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: You got to make sure they have food.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: You're thinking all the time about, you know, them.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I thought, well, when they're more self-sufficient, I'll stop thinking about them so much.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I'll just, you know, I'll have more time to think of other things.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know the man.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: Nope.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, if anything, I probably think about them more because I don't know what's going on.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I can't be there where they are and how's work going for Audrey?
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: How's
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: school and weren't going for read.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can ask him, but I'm not present there in even Nora with school and she plays sports.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I was surprised by how much I still like they still take up a lot of my time.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I would say not in a bad way, but just like
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, if there's any encouragement for my kids, I don't stop thinking about you guys.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it's either praying for you, giving you, dedicating you to the Lord, wondering what you're doing, you know, even when I'm on vacation, I'm thinking, what's going on with them?
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know so yeah yeah it just yeah nobody prepares you for that and as my second is going to college and a boy so i've said a girl and you got to love the first point girl like uh i was so i mean i just distressed over the whole college thing and then like four days and i realized oh she's calling me every two and a half hours to give me an update which was lovely but i know how it's going to go with my son and like
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, gosh, if he, there's just no way to, for him to process like you're saying how much we just want to know how you're doing the details.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, and of course, I want him to be self-sufficient.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want him calling his mommy every five minutes.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm also like, when he went on a trip with some friends and I said, well, you do me a favor while you're gone.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Text us once a day on the family chat and just tell us how you're doing send a picture and if something going on.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: No lie, Lauren, he sent us a picture of the map of the island.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what a picture of a map.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can look at it.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like to see Google.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm with you on that.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm also reminded as I'm getting ready to send another one to college and how much I love this child.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm reminded how much the father wants community with us.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's just the god relationship with us and how
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are, I mean, he thinks of us.
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: He loves us.
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: He cries with us and how he wants that communication with us.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just reminded like, when my kids, let me down on that.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I just want to do better.
• 14:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just want to spend time with the Lord and honor that.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's a good word.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Of all these years of raising kids and the little ones, and we've done all the things, and we've tried all the stuff, and we've followed all the books, and then we gave up on the books.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, what can you say at this point in your parenting or the things you've seen that have been redemptive that you're like, okay, it's paying off.
• 14:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's worked.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: But the most redemptive part of parenting from me.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think that's paid off the most has been this kind of unrelenting desire to want to be connected with them in some way.
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: But just connected enough to let them have some experiences on their own, to not micro-manage them, but to let them know that I'm here for them, that I love them, that no matter what's going on, I want to hear about it.
• 15:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think to be a place where they can come and I don't know how good I am at this, but try to not be judgmental in it.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then anything that does come up, you know, that I'm like, okay, I want to address this, like, prayerfully bringing that to the Lord, like, okay.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is this how do I bring this up?
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: How do I confront this?
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And they're definitely times where it's obvious, okay, I've got to be up front about this and share just wisdom.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: But explain my heart behind it, not be like, I just want you to do it because I want you to look this way and I care about my reputation and you reflect on me, not that.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: But more like, can I just communicate my heart behind this?
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so just trying to make the decisions that protect the relationship, the best that I can.
• 16:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I do feel like that is what I am experiencing the fruit of right now where
• 16:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: They are willing to talk to me.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: They're willing to hear me when I have concerns or, you know, and just also
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: reminding them how much I love them and then what I see in them and what I feel like has been over their life.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So for each one of my kids.
• 16:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: For my two older ones, I had like a verse that was kind of their verse.
• 16:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Poor baby.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: I ran out of verses.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just, you know, we're sorry, but you know, I was like, oh, yeah, I had like this little journal for my first born.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: But just reminding them what I felt like the Lord had over their life.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: So for Audrey, her name means a noble strength.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so from Psalm sixteen, there's a part where it says, they are the noble ones and whom is all my delight.
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then for Reed, a bruised Reed, he will not break.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: So just kind of this tenderness, but also strengthen that.
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then for Nora, when she was born,
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I literally laughed her out.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: She just came so easy that I giggled and she came into the world.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I've always told her, you have just been marked by joy.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: You bring joy wherever you are.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so kind of reminding them of who they are, who I felt like the Lord had had, you know, made them
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so being that place where they can come, they can connect.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not gonna try my heart as not to judge, but also will share my concerns or wisdom when they open the door now that they're adults.
• 18:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then the why behind it, and then reminding them of who
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: who I feel like God's made them to be.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think so I think they're willing to, to just be around.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that's, that's what I want.
• 18:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want them to feel like they can come around, they can bring their friends around, they can bring their, you know, my son can bring his girlfriend around.
• 18:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: We, I really love her too.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, nor can bring her friends around.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: So, that's some of the fruit.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like we're, the redemptive fruit, we're experiencing.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's a word right there.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You guys like I literally just wrote it on a sticky because I'm writing a note to my kid going to college a little I'm writing him just to know to leave it his desk door, but to to take a moment and tell your kids what you see in them and how you see that God created them and remind them of those.
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's what what a powerful thing to do for our kids.
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell us what's the bravest prayer that you've been praying over your adult kids?
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is this brave for me?
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wrote it down.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Father, I give them to you.
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let me not get in your way.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's the bravest and probably the scariest because I want to control and I want to make sure they're doing it right so that I can protect them from all manner of pain, you know, but I know the Lord uses pain in some of the, some of the best stories of people that I know had to go through some hard things that gosh,
• 19:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: The Lord is redeeming all of that.
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: All of those hard parts of their stories.
• 19:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, it's the, I mean, I want, I want my kids to have more of my story where I, I love the Lord.
• 19:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was a pretty good kid.
• 19:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't do anything.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: too crazy, you know, I wasn't super rebellious.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: I've really, I got saved when I was eight.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: I kind of had, you know, that rededicate my life.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I came from Southern Baptist Church.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, me too.
• 20:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I did it every summer.
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I needed it or not.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just could hurt.
• 20:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like a real re-date occasion, I feel like when I was seventeen.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think that is a beautiful story, but there's also a beautiful story of the woman, who loved match because she was forgiven match.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Jesus talks about.
• 20:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Dedicating them to the Lord, like, Father, I give them to you.
• 20:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: I trust you with them.
• 20:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: Do not let me get in the way.
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let me be prayerful and how and discerning in how I love them and encourage them.
• 20:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then when they open the door, the older two in particular, giving them wisdom or, you know, what I see, but just really asking the Lord
• 21:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: to just let me not get in the way.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, what, what an incredible, yeah, an incredible and incredibly difficult for us as moms, yeah.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm gonna flip to another topic.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm taking a hard turn and I had the benefit of seeing it.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Probably on social media or I'm Matt's podcast that you, do you do as podcasts with them all the time?
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I forget.
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I think we're next season.
• 21:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: I am going to.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I think they're releasing a few more of the episodes that he recorded this past summer and spring, but I think we're going to start doing together.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh, I think that's brilliant.
• 21:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So glad.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I saw somewhere that you were gonna talk on his podcast.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And by the time this is out, it may already be out about people pleasing and perfectionism.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, oh, isn't that the plight of most of us?
• 22:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as I was thinking through this, I am not, I don't have perfectionistic tendencies, but I have people pleasing tendencies to a flaw.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think all of us have little bits and pieces of that.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I love that you.
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: You threw it out there that you were going to talk about that with him.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so just tell us a little bit about maybe what that's looked like, how it's impacted you.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe it was there a point in time where you realize this is not just who I am.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is becoming a little problem.
• 22:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I was always the kid that, like my parents did not have to bribe me for good grades.
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanted the good grade.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanted to have the straight days.
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanted to be the best.
• 22:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wanted first term flu.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I wanted to be the best of everything.
• 22:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was very competitive.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it just there was a good part of that where I wanted excellence.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I wanted to, you know, use my gifts to their greatest ability, but also tied a lot of my worth.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: into it and so even in probably being a good girl like so I could be the poster child of the youth group so you know I could live up to this expectation that I thought others had of me or maybe they did have but I for sure had it for myself.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Um, but then, you know, there's this disconnect because no one is perfect.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: No one, I'm not, you know, I wasn't perfect.
• 23:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I wasn't the perfect good girl all the time.
• 23:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't get all the good grades.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: Um, I couldn't please everyone.
• 23:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so like, what do you, what do you do with that?
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so, um, I would say, uh, and you know, I got married pretty young.
• 23:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was nineteen.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so then I was like, okay, now I want to be a
• 23:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: a good wife, a good mom, I wanna be a good worship leader.
• 23:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I want to do this thing the right way and to please everyone in my life and to please myself in some ways, to live up to the standard that I had in my own head that probably wasn't what God had in mind for me.
• 24:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: And when I say that, like not,
• 24:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: righteous living.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think he wants us to live be holy as he is holy and be dedicated to him and be obedient.
• 24:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: No one's going to get it right.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was the biggest group in church came, like I said, became a Christian.
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was eight.
• 24:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Had a major breakthrough when I was seventeen.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: But then I think another breakthrough in my relationship with him was realizing Jesus didn't just die for our sins.
• 24:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: He lived the life
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: that we could never live.
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so he is our perfection because I could just sense that I wouldn't measuring up and I couldn't do it.
• 24:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: How does that even work?
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't, you know, I can't be perfect.
• 24:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is impossible.
• 24:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was just this revelation, even though I'd been.
• 25:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, probably saturated in this truth, but it didn't really become reality to me.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I was probably in my early early to mid-twenties and I'll share a little bit more about that.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: When I realize, oh, Jesus, you are my perfection.
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: The weight is off my shoulders.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: I do not have to be perfect.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can be flawed.
• 25:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can disappoint others.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I am okay as a person because I am a beloved child.
• 25:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: I am adopted.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: by good and loving father.
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I have my big brother, Jesus, who can vouch for me, who was perfect for me.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so that breaking point happened, I had, I was the
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: pastors wife of a church that Matt had just become the pastor of probably um three or four years before so we're three or four years.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: The same church is a village church.
• 25:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Uh huh.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the whole time y'all then.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we've been with the village for uh twenty to almost twenty three years.
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: So our, yeah, our youngest was probably at the time.
• 26:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was pregnant with our youngest, well, our oldest when we got to the village.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we can tell how long we, how long we've been there, but how old she has been when she was probably like through your four and then our son was probably, so she was probably through your two.
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: He was a baby.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: I hit this wall where I was like, I can't do it.
• 26:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't be a good enough wife.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't be a good enough mom.
• 26:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: These musical pursuits, because I also lead worship.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had these, okay, I'll know I'm good enough when, you know, fill in the blanket.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I had this moment, this like measuring moment, where I was like, I will know I'm good enough if I get to do this.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I got to do that.
• 26:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: and it still was not satisfying.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got up there and I was like, this is not all that it promise to be.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now I'm still questioning, am I good enough?
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is this what the Lord has for me?
• 27:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I was in like a sweet Bible study with some other young mama's and this woman who still a good friend of mine was leading it.
• 27:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it was a Bethmore Bible study, I think, believing God.
• 27:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it was just this invitation to
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Basically, just move on from the wilderness and what Egypt held for us, like that rebellion, and move into the promised land, like making that move, like move on.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I should remember thinking, I don't know what that means right now, but I want to move on from this.
• 27:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: This people pleasing perfectionism.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And later that week, I ended up going to our churches celebrate recovery meeting.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: And the Lord met me there in a huge way.
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: Here was the pastor's wife getting up to pick up this poker chip of surrender where you kind of have to go in front of everyone say there's an area of my life that's becoming manageable.
• 27:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: And for me, it went alcohol, it went drugs, it wasn't, you know, anything like that.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was trying to please people, trying to even just to please myself and try to be perfect.
• 28:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I just was so tired.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: I couldn't do it anymore.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was the beginning of just that relearning how to be
• 28:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, learning for the first time, how to be a free child of God to have my identity primarily that and not as a good girl or a pastor's wife or, you know, a worship leader, but to be okay with disappointing others and myself.
• 28:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so that was that was huge.
• 28:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hmm, and I don't know if you felt this, but I felt before that the narrative in my head, I attribute to maybe that's God's narrative too.
• 28:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not that I've heard it from him, but that, well, if I'm disappointed myself, then I don't know how he's not disappointed in me and wouldn't have wanted me to do this or that or the other or
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, and getting past that and I keep I kept going back to especially is now that we've adopted a little one.
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, and I think I wrote about this in my new book that comes on next year, but I talked about how, you know, when we adopted JB, they gave us a new verse certificate, right?
• 29:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so
• 29:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: The old one was no longer valid and and how we are adopted into God's family, right?
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And and he has chosen us and even when I get it wrong or I disappoint people or disappoint myself or whenever the things are a perfectionism or people placing whatever like
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't go back to the safe when JB messes up our nine year old like when he when he talks back or he isn't a good enough pitcher or whatever the things are we at home for him.
• 29:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't go back to the safe and pull out the old birth certificate.
• 29:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're like, sorry, I mean, you know, if you didn't live up like no, like he is getting off through and through and
• 29:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I have to remember that with God like in these moments that I'm just, I can't attribute that to him.
• 29:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's not going back to me like, well, the options off because you didn't do X, Y, or Z. And for like you said for some reason, that seems like it's not novel, but as a girl who grew up in church for some reason, that was a big hurdle for me too.
• 30:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so yeah, that's a good word you have for us.
• 30:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I also appreciate that you were went to celebrate recovery and you authentically said like, this is not manageable anymore.
• 30:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: So is the authenticity and living authentically like that when your end or a microscope, from people like me who ask we're sick from, but I didn't even ask.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But people that are watching everything, is that been a process to learn to do that authentically?
• 30:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even know you sometimes as a pastor's wife and a worship leader and people that are very well known well outside of Dallas.
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is that been a process to walk through?
• 30:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, it has been.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think sometimes I'm like, did I share too much?
• 30:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm usually the overshare.
• 30:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, I usually do.
• 30:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I'm like, you know, some of the things that I think I struggled with a lot before recovery and even in recovery was probably more before recovery where I was like, I might just the only one out here doing this.
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, is this, is it just me because it didn't feel like people that I looked up to were struggling the way I was?
• 31:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so part of how I operate is, man, I'm just gonna be me because I guarantee there are other people that are like, where I was and thinking, I don't know, only one out here, you know, and so, and it does feel a little risky sometimes because
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: people can use that against you, you know, but I feel very well known by the people around me and they know me and I think I feel okay if other people misunderstand, I think I do.
• 31:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: I probably need to tell me.
• 31:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just don't tell me if you miss it.
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, don't tell me.
• 32:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: But so it can be, it can be a little precarious, but I think for the most part, Matt and I are both authenticity is a very high value for us.
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so we're going to be as authentic as we can as it relates to our stories.
• 32:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now if it relates to other people in our lives that we want to just protect because they're not ready.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, then that's fine.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I think we're just like, I'm so okay with the Lord and he, if he needs to rebuke me on something, he can.
• 32:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: But the people that are alive that really know us, if there's something that they see that we need to, you know, kind of pull back on, then we will.
• 32:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: But otherwise, just, I'm just going to be me.
• 32:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that.
• 32:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
• 32:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tell us your bravest prayer that you pray over this fighting the people pleasing a perfectionism.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 33:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it would always be this father may have fear you more than I fear what others think of me.
• 33:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you know, when I talk about the fear of the Lord, it's not like, oh, I'm so scared of them.
• 33:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I want to please an obey and trust you more than I please trust an obey others.
• 33:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: and even in that, fearing the Lord like, even being open to correction when I need it.
• 33:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so then even if, even if I do something or I overshare, there's something that kind of hurt others unintentionally or was confusing, I want to be in a posture of Lord, because I know you're not going to take my birth certificate away.
• 33:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can receive from you what I need to learn from that.
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a good word.
• 33:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, last topic I want to hit is navigating marriage and and you amat what I love about your authenticity and I think that's why everyone's like we're all team Chandler because I think you guys are just so honest about the things that that we've all walked but we just want to hear someone else say it to you that's yeah and so you talked about some brutal gears in marriage and
• 34:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not to mention, like you said earlier that Matt had brain cancer.
• 34:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Was it brain cancer or brain cancer?
• 34:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was cancer.
• 34:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it was cancer, yeah.
• 34:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was okay.
• 34:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, y'all have walked like in sickness and health a lot of that.
• 34:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just talked to us a little bit about those really hard years, whether it's in sickness and health, or just those brutal years of marriage and walk that.
• 34:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: The first, I would say, six to seven years of marriage is really tough.
• 34:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think because we were just really immature bound up kids.
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we, you know, I think we white washed our baggage.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think there's a real thing called spiritual bypass where instead of actually dealing with some ways
• 34:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: that you operate in ways that you learned, probably in your family of origin, that they learned from their family of origin, that kind of just passed down these patterns that were not healthy.
• 35:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: You can kind of just take a broad stroke, just want to say white wash, like,
• 35:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you got this dirty nasty wall.
• 35:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, instead of cleaning it first and then putting, you know, the paint up, you just paint right over it and then it can start showing through.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: And, um, and I think ways that we can whitewash our baggage is just
• 35:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I have so much grace and compassion for people like this because I was there where you just think if I could just pray enough, if I could just go to church enough, if we found the right home group, if we, you know, I take, you know, prayer seriously, I read my Bible from, you know, cover to cover
• 36:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: All those practices are so good, but just like that paint is so good to bring something refreshing.
• 36:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you don't deal with either habitual sin in your life or just things that marked you growing up, it's going to start bleeding through.
• 36:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so I think that's what happened with Matt and me.
• 36:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: We had we joke that I had like a cute little carry on of baggage and he had like a freight train of baggage behind him.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: But both needed to be addressed and so for me it was
• 36:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: going to recovery.
• 36:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: So that was probably six years into marriage and then had two kids.
• 36:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we were well down the road and I praise God that my parents, that was one of their things, were like, we don't, my mom's parents had been divorced.
• 37:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: My dad's parents stayed together but like it was a little it wasn't a happy marriage and so my parents fought and passed down to us like whatever you can do to keep your marriage you know and and I don't think it's like
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: I definitely don't want anyone who's had to go through a divorce to feel guilty about this or or shamed for this, but just really put a high value on it's going to be hard.
• 37:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Try your best to like make it work, like seek the Lord, make it work.
• 37:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then that was a ministry, and so that kind of helped to like, okay, we're working on half to make this work.
• 37:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: We want to make this work.
• 37:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we started dealing with our baggage, and that was me going to recovery.
• 37:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Matt was seeing a therapist.
• 37:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's been a journey in and of itself because you're not going to get through it all at once, you know.
• 37:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so the first seven years were hard that way because we just would get in the cycle of, of, of, and, you know, everything, it felt like, okay, in a good moment, just like no one moves because we're doing fine.
• 38:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: then what you know life starts happening and I would unintentionally hurt Matt you know and then he would get cold and then I would wonder what's wrong and he'd be on fine and then all of a sudden something else would happen and he'd blow up and he'd share this so I don't feel
• 38:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: bad sharing this right now.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then I would feel bad because I'd be like, gosh, if I could just get it together, we'd be okay.
• 38:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm not realizing we both had parts to play in it.
• 38:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: And he would say he had a bigger part, but I don't know.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think we both had equal parts in that dynamic.
• 38:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then, um, yeah, I praise God that we were in a healthier place when he had brain cancer.
• 38:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, we have been in, I'd gone to recovery.
• 38:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I was still serving in recovery, loved it.
• 39:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's probably one of my favorite places to serve.
• 39:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: done some therapy, add done some therapy, we had had our youngest child and then brain cancer hit.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that was, that was tough, but I, I mean, I would say that the first seven years of marriage was tougher than brain cancer.
• 39:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because at least I knew Matt and I, we were together.
• 39:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're before I felt like we were opposed to one another.
• 39:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: We were just like, we didn't, we weren't for each other.
• 39:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: We were for
• 39:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: ourselves and trying to make this work.
• 39:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then working through stuff, we started to be compassionate with one another.
• 39:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: We started to be like one in all the ways.
• 39:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then when brain cancer happened, it was super scary.
• 39:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: But we were getting through it together.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I think it was really good for me.
• 39:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was a further
• 40:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: The Lord taking me further into no one and nothing can be your security outside of me.
• 40:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, went from me being my own security to being perfect and controlling things that way, people pleasing, then
• 40:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Then Matt, you know, he was my rock.
• 40:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: He was who I wanted to share everything with and who I looked to for wisdom like what do you think and and during that season, he just was incapacitated and so I had to step out in some things.
• 40:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And the Lord had to be my foundation.
• 40:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: There is an IZ at thirty three five through six.
• 40:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: It says like, and he will be the Lord will be the stability of your times, a wealth of knowledge and salvation.
• 40:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I might have butchered that, but it's something like that.
• 40:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's all right.
• 40:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: All good.
• 40:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everybody.
• 40:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're all good.
• 40:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Look it up.
• 40:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say I'd say
• 41:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: So those were some big takeaways in what was a really tumultuous time in our marriage into very different ways.
• 41:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: And like I said, I would take the sounds crazy.
• 41:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: And maybe because I know he's still healthy and fine.
• 41:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: But it was easier to navigate cancer than it was to navigate early marriage complex.
• 41:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, and whether that's early marriage or anywhere in our marriage when we're just we're not on the same page and we're fighting against each other and sometimes that fighting against each other isn't even fighting per se like it's not words it's just how we go about our lives and yeah, that's that's and that's a strong strong word.
• 42:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's your bravest prayer for your marriage?
• 42:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: that that I ask the Lord to help me continue to pursue intimacy intentionally.
• 42:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think as we get older and we're the married longer we can just get used to each other and get in our rhythms.
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I want to intentionally pursue intimacy with him because I know that that pleases the Lord.
• 42:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so that's that's my prayer.
• 42:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, Lord help me help me to remain vulnerable.
• 42:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think that's what's really scary, especially in as there's just lots of transitions in our lives right now.
• 42:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: And in my life as a woman.
• 42:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: So like with kids and then even just like biologically
• 42:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: You know, things just start changing and hormones are all over the place and and like being vulnerable with Matt in that and sharing it with them in a place that's not, you know, give me a lot of grace.
• 43:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm God there's stuff, but
• 43:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like really opening up to him and saying, this is hard.
• 43:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I please forgive me for the times I am really difficult to be around.
• 43:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: But yeah, just to not close up, because I think what I can do is kind of go back in my shell and just protect myself that I want to instead remain intentionally intimate with Matt in all the ways.
• 43:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
• 43:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 43:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: What an incredible pair.
• 43:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, Lauren Chandler.
• 43:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Last time you were on, I'm going to wrap us with this.
• 43:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: You gave us your chicken enchilada recipe and it was really something.
• 43:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, everyone's, I have no idea why we were talking about chicken enchiladas.
• 44:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I also don't know why we were talking about cattle and I couldn't say whatever word it was.
• 44:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't even remember anymore.
• 44:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I did learn from it clearly.
• 44:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's the current recipe of choice?
• 44:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: You got anyone's right now that it really, that it really hit you hard.
• 44:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you just going with old faithfuls?
• 44:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because over here listen, I'm just going to be honest.
• 44:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're still hitting the tacos and spaghetti.
• 44:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's really sad.
• 44:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I threw on a shrimp something or other.
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I really feel fancy one night, but I got nothing good.
• 44:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got nothing good.
• 44:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: What you got so fancy?
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't have I forgot to I'm like, I know there's something I've been making lately that I've loved.
• 44:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: I can't think of it right now.
• 44:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's what I went back to my mom's old school roast.
• 44:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: Everybody loves it and it's so easy.
• 44:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like usually a rump roast or if I can find a check roast, it's big and not a lot of marbling because it does.
• 44:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: You, you put it in your crock pot.
• 44:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, actually I put like some.
• 44:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I do like a big can of
• 44:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: cream and mushroom soup and some water.
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: But the roast in there, then I put Worcestershire or Dales, you know, Dales, then some old school, the kitchen bouquet, browning sauce.
• 45:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what.
• 45:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
• 45:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: That one, but that's fabulous.
• 45:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's like this like little weird.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: kind of like it's got like a long spout and then a triangle bottom.
• 45:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 45:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then like just some garlic salt pepper, uh, and then beefy onion soup on top.
• 45:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you just throw that in for the day.
• 45:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that for the day overnight.
• 45:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: First smells good.
• 45:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, it smells sometimes overnight's tough because I'll wake up smelling it because it smells so good.
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: But you could do it at the beginning, like in the morning, and it's ready by dinner time.
• 45:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And apps like everybody, if I say, hey, make them roast for dinner, everybody comes over.
• 45:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: They all come home for that.
• 45:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 45:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 45:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 45:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, there you go.
• 45:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't ask any other guests on the show ever about recipes.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know that's just a Lauren Chandler Cynthia, again, I'll say.
• 45:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Where I'm like, what you got?
• 45:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: What you got?
• 45:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: What you're cooking over there, so.
• 46:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Thanks for having me since he's always so fine.
• 46:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, listen everyone before we go the over-comers is the podcast name.
• 46:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, Matt's podcast that now is Matt's podcast.
• 46:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's Lawrence podcast now everybody.
• 46:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a channel of podcasts anything else you want to point us to that is going on over there that we need to be paying attention to
• 46:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, he's got this devotional coming out awake in a live.
• 46:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: I believe I haven't sitting over here behind me.
• 46:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm working on something right now.
• 46:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's not a book.
• 46:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not anything that I would write.
• 46:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's more like physical than that.
• 46:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm super excited about it.
• 46:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: It will be something experiential.
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: And hopefully coming early next year.
• 46:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I just watch my socials for it.
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'll probably start posting about it.
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Little teasers and stuff in the next month.
• 46:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 46:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, then, you know, I'm going to be, I'm going to be wrapping up the door saying, let's talk about it.
• 46:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, well, whenever you're ready, let's do it again.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, friend.
• 47:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, Cynthia.
• 47:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, you guys, I hope you enjoyed Lauren.
• 47:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's amazing.
• 47:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you live in the Dallas Fort Worth area and you don't have a church, the village church is amazing.
• 47:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And don't miss the Overcomeers podcast that now we know Lauren is going to be a part of.
• 47:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, I'll be sure and link that in podcast notes.
• 47:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it would mean so much to me if you take a second and leave a review for the podcast, help other people find us.
• 47:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, you guys, you're the very best.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for being part of the mesmerized family.
• 47:34
  [UNKNOWN]: Thank you.