Latest / Pulpit to Pavement / Episode #5: Recovery is for EVERYONE
Transcript
- Kayla: Welcome to the Pulpit to Pavement Podcast, where we explore how the faith we proclaim on Sunday becomes the faith we live every day. As we begin, may God open our hearts, shape our thoughts, and help us hear what we need for the road ahead. May these conversations draw us closer to Christ and help us carry his love from the pulpit to the pavement. Hey friends, welcome back to Pulpit to Pavement. And for those of you who don't know me, let me just tell you, I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with, gosh, where do I begin? I struggle with grief, anxiety, codependency. So I want to start by asking when you hear the word recovery, what comes to mind? I think a lot of us immediately think of addiction, especially chemical. And I say that because numerous times I have invited people to a celebrate recovery meeting, and their knee-jerk reaction is to say, I'm not an addict. To which I respond, Well, neither am I. But also, what if recovery is actually a much bigger word? Because we all carry within us. Something that is broken. Yes. A hurt we haven't healed from, a habit we can't seem to break, or a hang up that keeps getting in the way of the life God wants for us. And we all need something we call sanctification, which is the process of making something holy, purified, mending what is broken. Meaning we are opening ourselves up to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, and we are taking real steps to becoming more like Christ. Sanctification is finding freedom from hurts, habits, and hangups. And guess what? Another word for sanctification is ta-da, recovery. We all need it. And with that, I want to introduce a special guest on our podcast today. She's a United Methodist pastor from Greenville, Missouri. She's a state representative for Celebrate Recovery and a very good friend of mine. Please welcome to the podcast, Kathy Hanklin. Kathy, it is such a joy to have you with us today. Thank you for being here. Well, thank you, Kayla. I'm really glad to be here. thank you for inviting me to talk about celibate recovery because celibate recovery is something that's very close to my heart, both personally and in my ministry. And I love that we're talking about recovery as something much bigger than addiction, because I think that's one of the biggest misunderstandings people have about celibate recovery. Mm-hmm. We all have places in our lives where we need healing and growth and God's grace. So I'm really excited to be here to talk about CR today. Yeah, me too. I asked Kathy to come and tell us about recovery ministry, particularly celebrate recovery. So before we get into how it works, Kathy, help us understand what it actually is. So for someone who has never stepped foot in a celebrate recovery meeting, what would your elevator speech be to them? Well, Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered recovery ministry for anyone dealing with what we call hurts, habits, and hangups. A lot of people hear the word of re recovery and immediately they think about addiction. But it's much broader than that. People come because of grief and anger, codependency, fear, anxiety, broken relationships, resentment, trauma, addiction are just patterns in their lives they know are keeping them stuck. What I love about Silver Recovery is that it just doesn't ask what's wrong with you. It helps us to look honestly at what's happening to us, the choices that we've made and the things we're carrying. And that then invites Christ into the healing process. It's not about fixing yourself before you come, it's about coming as you are and allowing God to begin working in you. And one of the biggest things I've learned in that recovery really is for everybody. Because if we're honest, all of us have something in our lives where we need grace from healing and growth. Yes. So I you had already touched on the fact that Celebrate Recovery is a Christ centered recovery program. So that is one thing that sets it apart from others. But what makes it different from say AA or Al-Anon or NA? Well you when you hit it on the head, what's it's the biggest difference is that celebrate recovery is centered around Jesus Christ. It isn't just about stopping a behavior, it's about healing of the heart and looking at what is underneath that behavior, what has caused that behavior. We use the twelve steps, but they're connected to biblical pr principles. And everything points us back to Jesus Christ as our higher power. And CR is broader than what many people just imagine when they hear the word recovery, because like we just said, it isn't all about addiction. It's about becoming honest about the places in our lives where we're hurting, stuck, or needing to change. For me, that makes the big difference. It's just not about behavior modification. It's allowing God to work in the deeper places of our lives. So recovery becomes less about What addictions do you have? And more about where do you need healing and freedom? Mm-hmm. Transformation. Amen. Yeah. Kathy, without sharing anything you're uncomfortable sharing, what has recovery looked like in your life? Would you share with us an abbreviated version of your testimony and how you became involved in celebrate recovery? And thank you for asking that question. You see, 'cause recovery's been a big journey for me of learning that I don't have to carry everything myself. I came out of a world of addiction. I'm 37 years clean, dysfunction, depression, and chaos. There was a lot of hurt in my life, and for many years I'd learned how to survive. I learned just to keep going, to function and take care of everybody else, and to look like I was okay when I really wasn't. But despite all that, God was working in my life in ways that I didn't always recognize at the time. I carried a lot of guilt and shame. And for a long time I thought the answer was just try harder, just to pray harder, just to do better and somehow get myself all together. Celebrate recovery gave me a place where I could finally start being honest. It helped me understand that recovery wasn't just about addiction. It was about the wounds that I carried, the patterns that I had developed, and the things I needed to forgive and the things I needed to surrender. God, one of the biggest changes for me. Was learning the difference between living out of guilt and shame and living in God's grace. Awesome. I love you so much. Well, I love you too. One of the things that strikes me about recovery is how much courage it takes simply to admit I'm not okay or I'm struggling. Why do you think that is, Kathy? Why are we so reluctant to admit? when we are struggling? I think we we're we won't admit it because we don't want to look at ourselves and we don't want to burden anybody else. because we we've learned to survive and surviving is not about being whole. At some point we have to realize I can't manage everything by myself and expect to truly heal. Mm-hmm. We need God and we need people. Yeah. Yeah. So As someone who fills the role of a pastor and a CR leader. Do you think the church sometimes unintentionally makes it harder for people to admit they're not okay? yes, Kayla, I really think they do. Sometimes I don't think they actually mean to do this, but they do. we can create an atmosphere where people feel like we're supposed to come in smiling and being okay, dressed up and saying, I'm blessed, even when we're hurting. And we put those masks on. Sometimes we talk about victory in church and we talk about faith and overcoming, but we don't talk about the struggles. And if somebody is already afraid of disappointing people or being judged, church can be one more place where they feel that way and they put that mask on and they keep it on. They may think it's really if I really had enough faith, I wouldn't be struggling. Or what will people think if they know that something's going on in me? Mm-hmm. As a pastor, I want the church to be just the opposite. I want people to know you can come and love Jesus and still be hurting. You can have faith and still need hurt. The church should not be a place where we learn to hide our wounds. It should be the place where we discover we no longer have to hide them. Amen. Thank you. So I know one of the two components of recovery, celebrate recovery, even is that anonymity. And confidentiality are basic requirements. So why are those so important in recovery? Because, when people come to Sellbite Recovery or or any recovery, actually, they're often going to share things that they've never, never said out loud. They've never really admitted to. And it may have taken years for someone to finally admit what they're carrying. So they need to have a safe place. Where they can be honest without worrying that their story is gonna get out there and somebody's gonna be part of somebody else's conversation. They n the trust gives people more room to be vulnerable and vulnerability is where healing begins. If confidentiality is broken, people may shut down and they may pull away or decide they never are going to open up again about that hurt. That is why creating a safe space matter so much in recovery. People need to know that they can tell the truth and they need to be heard and and be treated with dignity. sometimes someone's immediate safety may require additional help. But outside those situations, protecting people's stories is part of loving them well. Absolutely. Yeah. And I I hope our listeners are hearing that because I I think there's probably a large fraction of people out there that are afraid to tell their story because they fear that it won't be kept confidential or anonymous. And, it's already high pressure enough coming into a church because I think for many people they think they're gonna be put under a microscope and they're gonna be scrutinized and, you know, exposed. Right. And so I think that's important. that people know, it is a safe space for them to come in And Christ will meet them right where they are, along with a community that will walk with them and, you know, know the struggles that they are experiencing. So I thought that was important to highlight that. Thank you. if I've never attended Celebrate Recovery and I walk through the doors for the first time. I know that not all CR groups operate the same exact way, but what are the basic things that I can expect when I come to a meeting? Well, Kayla, every celebrate recovery group may look a little different, but you can expect a few of the same basics, like you just said. Some meetings begin with some kind of fellowship like a meal or snacks beforehand. And I think that matters more than people realize because the first thing a person needs is simply to walk into a room and realize I'm not the only one. then there we after we do that we go to what's called large group where everyone comes together and we worship and then we read the principles or the twelve steps and we make announcements and then we either have a lesson or a testimony. The lesson comes out of the twelve steps. and those alternate from week to week. So one week you're gonna have a twelve step lesson and the next week you're gonna have a testimony. And after that, people will break into what's called open share groups. We move in women with women, men with men. That is where the setting becomes smaller and people have the opportunity to share what is going on in their lives and in their recovery. No one's there to fix one another or to preach at you or to judge you. The goal is to listen and to encourage and to provide that safe place we were talking about where we can be honest with one another. So if someone is nervous about walking in for the first time, I would tell them this. You're not walking into a room full of people who have everything figured out. You're walking into a room full of people just like you. Yes. who need to learn and need healing and then just need to take the next step together. Yeah. So am I expected to tell everyone my story? no, absolutely not. You can come in and sit down, listen, and take all the time you need. when you get into an open share group, you have the opportunity to say pass. You can just listen. You do not have to tell your story on the first night, the second night, or six weeks in. You don't have to share that at all. Trust takes time and so does feeling safe enough to open up. Subart re recovery gives us room to move at your own pace for a healthy you. Mm-hmm. what if I'm not sure my problem is serious enough to need recovery? And I only ask this question because I've been in a celebrate recovery ministry where, you know, we we had people come but they they didn't get involved because they they would say, Well, I don't know that my problems are big enough for recovery. Like my life has been pretty blessed and carefree and not problematic, which I mean, if that describes you, like I am super duper happy for you. Yeah. Yeah. But So how how would you address that question? if somebody says, What if I'm not sure my problem is serious enough? I would say this. Don't wait until it gets worse before you decide it matters. You know, get there. Sometimes we compare our pain to somebody else's and think, well, what I'm dealing with isn't that bad. But if something is affecting your peace or your relationships or your choices or your ability to move forward, then it's worth paying attention to. You don't have to hit rock bottom. To ask for help. Yeah. Recovery is not only for people whose lives have completely fallen apart. Sometimes it's just for people who are simply tired of carrying the same thing over and over again and they're ready for a change. If you're wondering whether Celebrate Recovery might help you, that is reason enough to come and check it out. Yeah. And don't we also say in Celebrate Recovery that If you say, I don't have a problem, that is your problem. We call that what? Denial. Yes. And also I think it's important to to note that, you know, even if say your life isn't buried in trauma or stress or brokenness, maybe you've come out the other side of a crisis. And life is good for you now, but now you get to be that support system for somebody who's in the thick of it. Right. So that is also reason enough to be in recovery. Yeah. Because how else do you build support systems? Right. Yeah. we have what's called a step study, which goes a little deeper than the small group. Yeah. And in a step study, how long would you say That takes. It takes anywhere from nine months to a year, depending on how big your group how big your group is. And that's where we work through the principles and 12 steps of cell bite recovery over time. And we begin looking at our honestly at ourselves and at our story and our part, our patterns of behavior and our relationships, our resentments, our fears, and the areas where God may be asking us to grow. Yeah. so I would say large group introduces us and encourages us. Open share gives us a safe place to talk. And step study is where you really begin to dig in and do the work. Yeah. Start ripping the band-aids off. That's where you start getting into your your inventory. And it sounds daunting and I know sometimes we avoid that, like the black plague, but if you manage to work the program, what what's that saying? It works if you work it. And it won't if you don't. You're right. Yeah. And I I've been through a step study. And actually I started a step study, just to help me heal from some previous narcissistic abuse that I had endured. But in the midst of that step study, my father passed away. So then I was in there for another reason. I I probably needed to go through the step study again and I and I will one day. but that made a world of difference for me. To have that tribe of people walk through that valley with me. The 12th step was a life changer for me. I'd been a Christian for 30 years almost before I came to Celebrate Recovery. I had been clean and sober for a long time, but I didn't realize how much hurt and resentment and hate I had in my heart until I started digging through the questions of Celebrat Recovery 12th step, and that in that step study. And you realize, wow. I didn't realize I thought I healed from all that when actually I just buried it and was able to bring it to the surface and actually heal from it. Mm-hmm. do you believe every church should have a celebrate recovery ministry? I believe every church should have a place where hurting people can be honest, find support, and begin healing. Now, celebrate recovery is not the only recovery ministry out there. But I believe it's one of the best because it is Christ-centered, structured, and it gives people a path to do the deeper work of recovery. But I also think a church needs to be prepared before starting a celibate recovery or any program for that matter. It takes a committed leadership, it takes training, confidentiality, and people who are willing to protect the integrity of the ministry. So, no, I do not think every church has to have a celebrat recovery specifically. But I do think every church should be asking where can people come here and safely say, I'm not okay? If the answer is nowhere, we need contact me and let's talk about starting a sub by recovery. Thank you for that. So what would you tell to someone who's maybe sitting in the car outside a CR meeting, just trying to muster up the courage to walk inside? Well, I can actually remember doing that myself. I can understand that. Cause the first time I came to Suburbate Recovery, I sat in the car for about fifteen minutes before I would go inside. my re reasons may be a little different than anybody else's. I was struggling with some religious things and wasn't sure what I was walking into. And, you know, people just that's what happens. We're we're sitting out there going, I don't know what I'm getting into. But I still had to work up the courage to open that door and go through. So I would tell a person, you do not have to have everything figured out. You don't have to know exactly what you're gonna say. You don't have to know exactly why you're there. You're not gonna have to tell your story. Sometimes the hardest part is just simply getting out of that car and taking that step through that door. I'm really glad that I did that, Kayla, because it changed the trajectory of my life. I believe it. Absolutely. Well Christianity makes this remarkable claim that transformation is possible. And not because we are strong enough to fix ourselves much like we like to believe, but because God's grace can meet us exactly where we are and begin changing us. And that's what you experience at Celebrate Recovery. I can attest to that firsthand. Kathy, what has Celebrate Recovery taught you about grace? Celebrate recovery taught me that grace meets us exactly where we are, but it does not leave us there. For a long time, I think I understood my faith, mostly in terms of what I needed to do better. I needed, like I said earlier, it's all based on I tried harder, if I prayed harder, if I was better. And when I failed, the guilt and the shame would usually follow me. Celebrate recovery helped me to begin to understand grace differently. Grace meant I did not have to clean myself up before coming to God. I did not have to pretend anymore. I did not have to have everything figured out. But grace also meant God loved me enough to keep working in places that needed healing in my life. He met me in the middle of my mess. But then he begins changing, right? He begins changing us and sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, but always faithfully. Recovery taught me that grace is not permission to stay stuck. Grace is what gives us the courage to be honest, to surrender, to make amends, which is hard, to change old patterns and to take and keep taking that next right step. And for me, that changed everything. Mm-hmm. What what does hope look like for someone who has maybe relapsed or fallen back into an old pattern? For me, trying harder was about depending on my own strength. So when you relapse, sometimes you're p depending on yourself. And we just say, Okay, if I could did better if I did that, or somehow get myself closer to God, then maybe I could fix what was wrong. And we can't fix what's wrong with us. The problem was when I felt short, I usually ended up right back in that old guilt and shame. Surrendering to Christ is different because it begins with admitting that I cannot do this by myself. It does not mean I stop taking respon responsibility or stop doing the work. I still have the choices to make. I still have amends to make. I still have to show up and be honest and take the next right step. But I'm no longer pretending that the strength is in myself. There have been times in my recovery when I wanted to control that outcome. I wanted to fix the situation or make something somebody else respond the way that I thought they should. Surrenderment finally saying, God, I cannot control this person or the situation anymore. I am only responsible for my part and I have to trust that you have the rest. That's the difference. Yeah. Kathy, there might be someone listening to this episode right now that is really struggling, whether it's with grief or codependency or anxiety, relational brokenness, or even chemical dependency. So I know you kind of already touched on this, but you know, for that person that might be listening, is there is there anything else you would want to add? What would you say to that person who is thinking, this sounds like something I need, but I'm I'm embarrassed for anyone to know. what's one thing you could do to to encourage them today? Well, I would tell them you don't have to tell everybody. Yeah. you don't have to tell anybody. You might need to tell somebody though, right? Find one safe person and be honest. That may that could be your pastor, it could be a counselor or a sponsor, a trusted friend or someone at CR. You don't have to have all the right words and you don't have to explain your whole story. Sometimes the first step is simply saying, I'm struggling and I think I need some help. And if celebrate recovery has been on your mind, find a meeting and go. You can sit and in the back, you can listen. I sat in the back with my arms crossed and just listened. I thought I what am I doing here? And and I never left. I feel like a lot of stories start that way. I've heard a lot of testimonies start with I don't know what I was doing here the first night. I came to listen to my son play the guitar for no other reason. And I wasn't I thought, I don't need this program. You know, I I've been clean and sober for a long, long time. So I sat back there and but I liked what I heard and I kept coming back. And that's what I tell people all the time. Give us a couple of times. Come but if you might not like it the first time, come give us three or four times and you're gonna fall in love with Sell by Recovery and the people. Amen. I I agree with that wholeheartedly. I think perhaps the biggest misconception about recovery is that it's for those people, people who have royally messed up their lives. But Christianity starts with a very different approach, and that is all of us need grace, right? We have all fallen short of the glory of God. And We may not all struggle the same way. We may not all struggle with the same things. Our stories are certainly not identical. But every one of us has places we'd rather hide, things we'd love to change, wounds that haven't completely healed, or patterns that keep sucking us back in, pulling us backward. And maybe freedom begins, like you said, when we finally stop. Pretending when we stop living in denial. Jesus didn't come for people who had it all together. He came for people who knew they needed healing, they needed grace, they needed a savior. So if something in today's conversation sounded a little too familiar to you, don't let shame convince you to hide. Like Kathy said, talk to somebody about it. You don't have to go to a meeting right out the gate, but at least be courageous enough to talk to somebody you trust, ask for help, and just take one step toward healing. It is my hope to one day begin a celebrate recovery ministry here at Hillsborough United Methodist, hopefully in the near future. If that is something that you would love to be a part of, please reach out to me. You can email me at humcmo at gmail dot com. Or if you'd like to find a meeting, we would be happy to help you with that. You could you can also go to the celebrate recovery website and you I think you can click on find a meeting and you can refine your search by zip code. Is that correct, Kathy? Okay. Yeah. So look for that. And if you're having trouble finding it, again, reach out to me at HUMC Mo at Gmail dot com. And Kathy, thank you so, so much for being here today, for sharing your story and explaining why recovery ministry is essential for all of us. Do you have anything else you would like to add? Just thank you for having me, Kayla. I appreciate it. there's so much more to celebrate recovery than what we covered, but Yeah, I just appreciate the opportunity to share with your audience about celebrate recovery. It's such a ministry that's dear and nearer to my heart. And I love you and I love what you do and keep doing what you're doing, girl. Thank you, Siv. And at every celebrate recovery meeting, we always close with the serenity prayer. So I think it's only fitting that we do that. Can we do that? We can. All right. God. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a accepting accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life. And supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen. Thank you, Kathy, and thank you to our listeners. God bless. Thank you for joining us today on Pulpit to Pavement. As you go, remember, faith isn't just something we hear about, it's something we live out. So take what God has placed on your heart today, carry it into your week, and put your faith into motion. Until next time, may God bless you, guide you, and use you wherever the road takes you. Keep the faith and take it to the pavement.