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The surprising thing you do to self sabotage · Beauty In Positivity

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Alyssa Skinner, and in today's episode, we're gonna talk about the number one thing that keeps you self-sabotaging your dreams and goals.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's always a million reasons not to do something, right?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's always things that need to fall into place and work out before you can take that step.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: waiting attracts more waiting.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: When you are waiting for everything to be perfect, you are attracting more waiting because that's the signal or vibration you are giving off.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not time yet.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so your reality matches to you and says, You're right, it's not time yet, and it never will be, as long as you're in that vibration.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you're telling people, I can't start yet because I don't have enough money, or I don't know how to work this website, or I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to edit, I don't know what app to use, I don't have the equipment, I can't afford to buy the products and this and that.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're self-sabotaging your dreams.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the tough love episode we all need, okay?
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: When I decided to start my podcast, I was using my phone, just a little voice recorder app that's already built into the iPhone.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be real, my podcast has not been the best quality, but I didn't care.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I had an idea, I felt good about it, and I just went in my bedroom, got on my phone, and started talking.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: I Googled for help because you can you have help at your fingertips, literally at all times.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So many resources.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just started.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't go all gung-ho and start buying a bunch of podcast equipment and telling everyone I have this new dream, right?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's not truly embodying the identity.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually just changing your environment to convince yourself and others you've changed your identity.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I actually changed my identity by hopping on my phone and immediately writing out podcast episodes.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I took action while I was in that excitement.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I just started talking to my phone and I learned how to record and post them.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: The only reason I was successful on social media was because I decided, okay, I have to show people I exist.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I got on Instagram, created a brand new account, started at zero, which is wild to look at where we are now.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let this be your inspiration.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I just decided I'm gonna post the hair that I do do, the very little clients I had at the time, and I didn't have a following.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how to record and edit.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I just hopped on my camera app and hit the record button.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's simple.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't just go learn a bunch of you know social media apps and start researching and hire a marketing person and do all these action steps before actually just doing it.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: That is changing your environment to convince yourself and others that you are changing your identity or going after a dream.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's not actually changing your identity, you're just doing all these little things and actions to distract yourself from actually doing the thing.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I downloaded Instagram, I hit record on my camera, I hit post.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is literally that simple.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I just started.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: When I decided I wanted to start building courses and teaching people everything that I do, I had no idea how to build a course.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding me?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: That was so incredibly intimidating.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: The first thing I did was Google, how do I build a course?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Help assist out.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I stepped into the identity the moment I decided I had that dream or idea.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't go rush and buy a bunch of equipment and things, okay?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't change my environment.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I changed who I am and I took action.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I did this in a brand new state where I knew no one.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just a reminder.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you could definitely succeed.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: The only reason I succeeded in a new state where I didn't know anyone, I didn't have a salon ready to take clients, okay, when I made this decision.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was sitting on my couch, I was working three jobs.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: One at a med spa doing lasers, two, I was at the waxing center full-time doing waxing at night, and three, I was at a hair salon doing hair part-time.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: All three of those jobs, the work I had a passion for.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I loved the work.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: However, working three jobs for three different managers and trying to build my clientele to like work for myself one day, build my dream life, I was burnt out.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I would come home crying and exhausted.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even being dramatic.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: My husband took a picture of me one day where I just came home, I took off my scrubs and I laid on the floor and cried.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember when my husband looked at me and he was like, You are never going to finally work for yourself and like build this dream life, build your own clients if you don't go after this full-time.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I hated how right he was because I was not ready.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing was in place.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: I I did not feel like I had enough savings to quit my job, to be able to support myself while I went after this dream.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was a full-time student, okay, so don't misconcept, you know, him taking care of me and encouraging me to go after my dreams.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, we were broke, we were in a new state.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have kids, but we still had bills, we had an apartment, we had brand new cars, we had two dogs, and I didn't know anyone to help me make this dream successful, right?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I had the support of my partner, luckily.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm already having problems at work.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everything's going wrong at work.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm butting heads with all of my managers.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I'm a Capricorn and I do like to lead.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: However, I've always respected authority as long as the authority respects me and is respectable, right?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's fair.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: I had a manager who was not reading emails for weeks on end.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I remember going up to her being like, Did you read my email from weeks ago?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I requested a vacation time.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm trying to be responsible and put it in months and months and months ahead.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And she was a little bit younger than me, and she was like, Nah, I didn't read my email, sorry, like I'm not good at that.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Okay.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, anyways, another manager promised a promotion, literally asked me on day five to be her assistant manager.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Six months almost go by, and I'm I had been doing manager work, you guys.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just a little backstory, so stick with me.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'm she's nowhere to be found for you know most of these days.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I am managing the girls, I'm solving all the problems when our lasers are breaking and this is happening and that's happening, and I'm alone.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I wasn't upset.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I actually saw this as an opportunity, and in my mind, I'm like, this is my time to shine, to prove myself.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I am great at handling problems, managing a team, being a great leader, and so I better be getting paid manager pay if I'm gonna do all that, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not just gonna do your work for free.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: So they gave me the runaround.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, I had this conversation with my husband, and I knew deep down he was right.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was never going to build if I didn't just start.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I kept making all these excuses.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, you know, it's not a good time.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: What if I fail?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I just knew all of those feelings were fear, right?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And fear is just bullshit.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I knew if I started, I would figure it out.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what you do.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what successful people do.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how you leap and the net appears.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: You take the jump and you figure it out.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: The mindset of let me figure it all out and then I'll take the jump.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let me have everything fall into place and it just be the perfect, safe time for me to take the jump.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Completely backwards.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds crazy when you say it out loud like that.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why no one is living their dream life, and that's all the advice they have to offer you.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I quit my jobs.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you how terrifying that was.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: The company was begging me to stay, literally throwing everything I ever wanted at me.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Higher pay, this and that bonuses.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you better believe I was like, oh, cool, I just got everything I wanted.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I'm gonna stay.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, now I can actually save up money quicker and then go after my dream life.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I went right back into that loop of why it's not time yet and why I should stay at this job.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is on a silver platter for me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: That was a test, and I didn't know that at the time.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, oh, everything's working in my favor.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, no, deep down I was like, Alyssa, you already made your decision.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have to start.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I said no, and I started, and it was so far from perfect.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was working in my apartment kitchen, unemployed, no clients, sitting around, hoping, praying, no idea what is gonna happen, what my future looks like.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I purchased this hundred dollar portable sink off of Amazon, and it connected to my kitchen sink, and I already had a salon chair.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, mind you, my apartment kitchen is like three, four feet wide.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was so small, you guys.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so I hooked that up and I'm in my apartment kitchen in Tennessee, and I still have videos of this.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I post this on Instagram once a year or so, maybe twice a year, because I love to share this journey, and I definitely felt like I was at rock bottom.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: This was my rock bottom.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was so scared, I was alone across the country from my comfort zone, my friends, my family.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I had read enough personal development books at this point to know that hitting rock bottom is a great sign, okay?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people will say this is delusional, but I made it out on the other end, and so I can prove this is a good sign if this happens.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was sad, I was unemployed, I was lonely, I wasn't making any money, and I knew being in this moment, I remember the moment I felt it, I was like, I'm gonna tell this story one day.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking at my apartment kitchen and like my situation, and I was like, I'm gonna tell this story one day.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is so horrible, everything that I'm going through, that I just know I'm gonna tell the story one day.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to be where I started, and I'm gonna be proud of it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that was my affirmation that got me through that.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, months and months of just fear and unknown and uncertainty.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I kept saying, I'm gonna tell this story one day.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell this story one day.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: I started here, and I'm gonna help everyone understand that starting here is okay, and it's a great sign.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, starting from nothing is actually what can make you even more successful.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's another story though.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just an energy thing.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, no family, no friends, no help, just me alone in a brand new state.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my husband's full-time student, and so I'm just doing my best.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you find yourself sabotaging this way because you things are not things aren't perfect for you, you don't have enough money yet, you can't do this yet because of this, and you have the mindset of win this, then that self-sabotage.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're creating more and more distance between you and your dreams.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is your message to just start.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Stop trying to make things perfect.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to start and you're gonna you're going to make it perfect as you go.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: You need to start in your living room or your basement or your car, I don't care, an office, at your work on your lunch break, just start.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: That creates momentum.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast episode, that dream you keep thinking about, and you're like, shit, I just need to start.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do it on your lunch break.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Do it when you get home.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to start.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And don't take this as you can't change your environment or buy things that will help you.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I bought the portable sink, you know, I paid for an app to help me edit.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I bought a course to teach me, you know, mindset stuff and business stuff.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can invest in yourself and in your future.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying, the difference is I was taking the action.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had already quit my jobs.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: I already decided I was going for it, and then I was using that momentum to build.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to make that clear.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't go going home and buy a bunch of stuff and just pretend that you're changing your life because that can be a distraction.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have just enough podcast equipment to get me through, and that was my phone, and I paid for an app.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: But when the podcast business grows, then I will invest in the awesome, great quality stuff.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you want to be a photographer and you can buy you can't buy your dream camera, but you can buy a camera and maybe a nice editing app.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: The point is just start and work with what you have and try not to distract yourself by changing so much of your environment, right?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of doing the work, because sometimes that's just a facade, and so it can be a form of procrastination.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that example helps and you will figure it out as you go.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone does.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: My salon looks so incredibly different than it does now when I had first started.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was literally a living room.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm here to teach this mindset, the mindset that I have.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have so much more to share with you.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I try to do one podcast episode a week, and you know, with the holidays and everything, I took a little break.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was much needed and much much deserved.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: But you you know how I grew my mindset through all my personal development, and it can take years and years.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: It did take me years.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: I started technically in 2016, and then I dove deep in 2018.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's now 2026.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how long it has taken me and how much information I had to absorb to become the person I am, to know the things I know, and to be able to sit here and teach you things that I had to learn myself.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to hand over everything I've learned so you can literally have what is in my brain, and you can know it for yourself and build your dream life or help your friends, help your family.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can be the inspirational one in your group.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm releasing a course this year.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited in just a few months.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, I will keep you updated on the release date because I want to make sure everything in my brain is going to be in this course so that you can learn exactly how who you need to be and the mindset you need to have.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of chasing your dream life is mindset, and that is why I created this podcast to share inspirational perspectives to have in the world and of yourself and of your dreams, because it is 1000% necessary.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm sending you so much love and success.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait to release this course for you to completely rewire your limiting beliefs and replace the beliefs with beliefs that actually serve you and bring in your dream life.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, all that coming soon.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a lovely day.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.