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Transcript

BLAME GAME BUFFOONERY Everybody's Got an Excuse. Who's Got a Plan? · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

0:28
SPEAKER_00: Hello there.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: I am Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the black sheep come to turn pain into power so that they could build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, what's going on, fam?
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for trusting me once again with your time.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: I promise you, I don't take that lightly.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, waiting on somebody to come save you, or you're allergic to accountability, get your up out of here because this ain't your safe space.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: Because by the end, you're gonna walk away with something that you can execute immediately.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Black Sheep family.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever met somebody who always has a problem with everybody else?
1:28
SPEAKER_00: Every boss they ever had was terrible or was always a problem.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Every relationship ended because the other person was crazy or the other person was a liar.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Every opportunity they missed was somebody else's fault.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: And every time you ask them, well, what happened?
1:42
SPEAKER_00: They always got a brand new episode of everybody did me wrong.
1:47
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
1:48
SPEAKER_00: But don't get me wrong now, Black Sheet Family, because you know some of us we have really been surrounded by some terrible people.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: People that's jealous of you and they got more than you, people that's just horrible to you because they see your inner light and it irritates their demons.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: So I absolutely get it.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: But when every single story has a villain in it and you always an innocent bystander, at some point you need to ask the question Am I the problem?
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Am I possibly contributing to the problem that I keep having?
2:20
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
2:21
SPEAKER_00: Seriously, though, if you if it's always a scenario where you end up being the innocent bystander, I'm talking about every single time you gotta ask yourself, hey, what is going on here?
2:33
SPEAKER_00: What maybe I what am I doing wrong?
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Let's just break it down the way we will say as a black sheep.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: What am I doing wrong here?
2:40
SPEAKER_00: Right?
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm talking about this family because we have an epidemic of people who can explain everything that's wrong with their lives, but they can't tell you what they're doing to change it.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: And today we're gonna address it.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: That's why today we're talking about the blame game buffoonery.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Everybody got an excuse.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: Who's got a plan?
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Now let's unpack it, okay?
3:04
SPEAKER_00: Truth one number one, family.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: Blame and responsibility are not the same thing.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say it again.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: Blame and responsibility are not the same thing.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: First of all, we need to get something straight.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: Not everything that happens to you or your family or your people is not your fault.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Listen, y'all, it is not your fault.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: People lie, they betray trust, companies make unfair decisions.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, a lot of people from different areas, generations upon generation, has been done horrible by other humans, right?
3:38
SPEAKER_00: And let's just be honest here, let's just call a spade a spade.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: A lot of different things that happen to us, sometimes it didn't even happen directly to us, but it affects us, right?
3:50
SPEAKER_00: This is sometimes known as PTSD trauma or some type of trauma.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: Now, a lot of people might say, Well, wait a minute, if that didn't happen to you, how can it affect you?
4:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna answer that in one question.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna answer in a question that you all you should know the answer to.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: When you go to the doctor of any kind, when you go to a doctor of any kind, even a dentist, for the most part, when you are filling out your intake paper, what is the question that they ask almost every single time that's on that questionnaire form?
4:28
SPEAKER_00: When you get done putting in your name, date of birth, your gender, and all of that, and they start getting into your uh background, right?
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Your medical and all of these things, right?
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Start asking you different things.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: What is one of the questions they ask you is going to under is going to put it in context of how something could affect you and it didn't even directly happen to you?
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: The question that I'm referring to that every doctor and or dentist asks you, they are on the intake form, and I believe this is in any country you go to on the intake form.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: You know what they ask you, family?
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Does anybody in your family have a history of?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Not about you.
5:10
SPEAKER_00: They're not asking about you.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: They're asking about does anyone in your family, and then they say, have a history of.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Now, what does that have to do with you?
5:23
SPEAKER_00: You weren't born back in 1898, you weren't born in 1905, 25, 35, 45, right?
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Nine times out of 10, you were Gen X, possibly a boomer, a millennial, right?
5:36
SPEAKER_00: So you weren't born back then when Susan B.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Anthony and all them folks was running around doing their thing?
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so why are they asking?
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Does anybody in my family have a history of well?
5:48
SPEAKER_00: Let me explain it to you, family, because some things, some things are passed down through your bloodline, through your your uh gene, and through your family lineage, and it goes far beyond your historical or your medical records.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: So to be specific, they ask you does anybody in your family have a history of heart disease, all of these different things.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: Do you know why, family?
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Because they have come to find out, I believe it's a scientific finding because it wouldn't be on every darn medical intake form if it wasn't, if they didn't have science to back it up.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: But family, there are certain things that we are prone to, but not just in the medical, there's certain things that were passed down, certain mindsets that were passed down.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: And guess what, family?
6:46
SPEAKER_00: Some of us we pick up those traumas.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: We pick up those traumas.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever seen a family that had uh alcoholism in it?
6:55
SPEAKER_00: Which is multiple generations had a problem with alcoholism.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: You know my family?
7:01
SPEAKER_00: Trauma.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever have you ever experienced a family where nobody ever tried to run off or not even run off?
7:09
SPEAKER_00: They never tried to explore out past their hometown.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: Right?
7:14
SPEAKER_00: You're like, what you you meet up, you're like, yo, man, you're so smart.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Girl, you so smart.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: Why don't you go to college in LA or in Dubai?
7:20
SPEAKER_00: Or man, you got all these scholarships?
7:22
SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden they're like, No, you know, that's not for me.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, the world is this and that, and people are this and that.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Do you know why they respond that way?
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever met people where you knew they were so smart, but they're not doing anything productive with their life?
7:40
SPEAKER_00: They're like, uh no, people like me don't, we don't do that.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: People like me, we can't do that.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: Do you understand why?
7:48
SPEAKER_00: If you don't, let me tell you.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: Over generations, and this is specifically for today, this really will hit home with many black sheep, my me as well, okay.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Many black sheep, we come from very troubling, impoverished, very humble beginnings.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so and I and I'll just take myself.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of you may or may not know, I'm come from an environment where there was a lot of gang activity, Italian gangs, Mexican gangs, as well as black gangs.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and now you fast forward to the day, you hear people talking about oh, all of these different gangs in this area, because it's mainly now, it's mainly all African-American or black gangs, okay?
8:28
SPEAKER_00: You and then you got your Mexican gangs or your Latino gangs, okay?
8:30
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
8:32
SPEAKER_00: The city started off with the Italian games, okay?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: This was the hometown of Al Capone.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: So when you look at this particular city, you might ask yourself, dang, you might say, Oh, it's so much gang activity, but guess what?
8:46
SPEAKER_00: It was a culture, it was passed down.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: But let's take it, even make it even more personal.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you get families, and different things have happened to them, and they might meet a group of people, whether they be yellow, purple, blue, whatever ethnic background they are, and they instantly will tell you, We can't trust them people.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, they will steal, they will do this, they will do that.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: They will always write that's how they came up.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: So, generation after generation, you get people from this same bloodline.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: Here it is, 2037, you will get people from this same bloodline that have the same mentality of somebody because people pass down these things to you.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what you must understand, family.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Let's be clear there was a lot of horrific things done to a lot of people throughout history.
9:38
SPEAKER_00: Let's be clear, y'all.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: To be honest with you, family, a lot of our families that we probably will never meet, no, on planet Earth, nobody makes it out without experiencing trauma of some kind within their family lineage.
9:52
SPEAKER_00: Let's be clear.
9:53
SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, family.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Some people have faced more than others.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: They have, they really have faced way more than others.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: But here's where the conversation changes.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: You can be absolutely right about who caused the damage, who did what.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't care if we're going back a thousand years, you can be so you can be right about all of it.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
10:18
SPEAKER_00: You still need a plan for what happens next.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: You still need a plan for your recovery, for your next level, for your next chapter, for the next generation.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: Think about it.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: If somebody crashes into your car, you didn't cause the accident, you have every right to be upset.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: You may need to file a claim, document what happened, seek compensation, and get legal help.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: But imagine leaving your damaged car sitting in front, sitting on the road for six months because you're still arguing about whose fault it was.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: At some point, you're gonna need transportation, you need a solution, and that's the distinction.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: See, assigning blame, it can help us understand what happened and hold the right people accountable.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: But you know what, family?
10:59
SPEAKER_00: But the blame alone does not repair the damage.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: See, knowing who's responsible for the problem is not the same as knowing how you're going to solve it.
11:09
SPEAKER_00: See, family, there's been a lot of grievances that you have.
11:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm not, let me tell you something, family.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to tell you and to minimize nothing that you and your family have gone through.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: When I look through my own history, family, I love history, okay?
11:22
SPEAKER_00: I love all of it.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: I've read history about every continent, every continent.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: I used to be in love with the Tower of London, just reading about how these queens ran, got broke loose, and still got executed.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: And I know it's kind of morbid, but it, you know, I was really into history.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: And even my own history is so bloody and horrible.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: Where people died and could not even read because of their color, their skin is so crazy.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: People got hung and burned alive, just all kinds of stuff.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure you have some too.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about um some of the Irish people, how they went through the potato famine, and the Indian people, how they went through that moment of starvation, and they were talking about how the king of England or how the England uh kingdom uh how they were the cause of some of these things.
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Then we already know Africa has suffered, suffered so so much.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: Then we look at China, their people.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Even today, a lot of Chinese people say they don't even hardly have human rights there, right?
12:17
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
12:18
SPEAKER_00: The thing about it is, family, it is jacked up, it is fucked up.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: We can just call it for what it is, it's messed up, it's messed up, and you get a lot of people, they never want to fess up, they want to brush it on the road.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: You know what they tell you, family?
12:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, get over it.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you just need to get over it.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: But what people don't realize is when something has been a generational thing and it becomes trauma, you can't just get over it.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: This is why we have things called PTSD.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: A soldier can go to war.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: The war could have been 10 years ago.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: We you can look it up on YouTube right now, and they'll hear a loud boom and they'll think they're right back on the battleground.
12:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it's not a fact of just, oh, just get over it.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: Get over it.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: No, because if that was the case, the doctor would never ask you about your history.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: Your history would be irrelevant, okay?
13:09
SPEAKER_00: But like we're saying, family, knowing who's responsible is not the same as knowing how to solve it.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: And when you get to a place in your life where you're about to level up no matter what, you don't care what happened in the future, you don't care what they call you, they can call you everything except the child of God.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: You don't care.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: You know why you don't care?
13:25
SPEAKER_00: Because you have now accepted responsibility to level up, number one.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Number two, you understand that somebody's opinions of you, it doesn't matter.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, words may hurt, things that people do, we're not gonna sit here and make it seem like we're not human.
13:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes, certain times you hear about different things that's going on, and it's sad, family.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: You it's so much that you could be depressed about, especially when you're reading about the human uh uh species, how we do each other all over the planet, and we try to create different social classes.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: And here, don't get me wrong, family.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: I get it.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: If you contribute more, you know, obviously you're gonna get different uh treatment and things like this, but it is sad how families or excuse me, how human beings has decided to put other human beings in different classes just because of the color of their skin.
14:07
SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, family, nobody makes it out alive.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: Nobody, do you hear me?
14:13
SPEAKER_00: Nobody makes it out alive, family.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: This is why I don't from this day forward, I don't ever want you to get into any conversations about any type of races, anything.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: You know why?
14:23
SPEAKER_00: Because anytime you hear somebody trying to make some racist joke or whatever, family, they are stupid.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: They are, I'm talking about subterrain level ignorance.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: Do you know why, family?
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Because we all nobody makes it out alive.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Everybody got a date.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: We're all here on rent at time, and people can argue about oh, this, these people do this, these people do that.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: They can argue about it until they face turn blue.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
14:47
SPEAKER_00: We still all have a checkout date.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: Case closed.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: Nobody's better than nobody else.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: Sure, we got some people that do a lot of stupid stuff.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Nobody record is clean.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: You can pick out any person on earth, any group of people on earth.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't care where they at.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't care if they read the Bible, the Quran, I don't care if they read the tablets of thought, I don't care what they read all day long.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Nobody makes it out alive.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: It's plenty of dirt to shovel around if we want to just play the blame game.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: But see what you must understand though, family, is just because people want to try to play the blame game, you can let them do that, family, but that don't mean they're gonna resolve it.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: Some people spend their whole life playing the blame game, and family, I'm not saying that some people should not be held accountable for the crap they did.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm saying.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: But are you gonna stop your life from elevating, waiting on somebody to say, I'm sorry, or to say, I was wrong, or we owe you?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: No, hell to the no.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: So, because I know number one, I understand who's responsible for it, but I know I'm the only person that can solve it.
15:57
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the solution includes getting help, whether it be physical help or mental help.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it is including confronting somebody, sometimes you need to have you need to squash it out and see what's going on.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means you need to leave a situation, and sometimes it includes changing your own behavior.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, family, something has to move.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: You have to decide, you know what, this wasn't my fault, but my recovery is my fault.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: My recovery is my responsibility because if not, I'm putting all the power in the hands of another human being for my well-being.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: I don't think so, family.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: Truth number two, excuses can become a comfort zone.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Now, let's talk about the part that gets uncomfortable.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people use blame to protect themselves from accountability because as long as the problem is always somebody else, they never have to examine their own decisions, they don't have to admit that they were unprepared, that they ignored warning signs, they don't have to admit that they made a promise and didn't follow through.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: And listen, self-examination, family, it can steam.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: It can steam.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Nobody enjoys realizing that they have played a part in their own disappointment, their own decline.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: But you know what's worse, family?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Making the same mistake for another 10 years because your ego won't let you learn from it.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: Your ego won't let you learn from it, family.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: That's expensive.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: Here's an example: imagine somebody who keeps missing deadlines at work, their manager brings it up.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Instead of looking at their workload, asking for support, or improving their time management, they immediately decide the manager is picking on them and get an attitude.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: Now it's possible that the manager is unfair.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: But here's the question: were the deadlines missed?
17:33
SPEAKER_00: Were the deadlines missed?
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Because if they were missed, we still have something to address.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: And two things can be true.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: Your manager can communicate poorly and you still need to improve on your performance.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: That's maturity, family.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: That's where some people lose the plot.
17:46
SPEAKER_00: They think admitting they made a mistake means the other person wins.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: No, accountability is not surrender, it's how you get your power back.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: Because once you admit that there's something that you can change, you have something you can work on now.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: See, you shut it down.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: So many people they want to play the damn blame game buffoonery.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: And when you if you're one of the people say, you know what, that's my bad, let me go ahead, they look at you like, what?
18:09
SPEAKER_00: You know why, family?
18:10
SPEAKER_00: Because you shut down all arguments.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing, family.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: People do not like accountability.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: They don't like accountability.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: And when you're one of those people that confess up and just say, you know what, that that was on me.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: That was on me.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: I definitely need to work on this.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: That that absolutely was on me.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: This is why, family, a lot of people nowadays they have a problem when you change your mind.
18:36
SPEAKER_00: I can, we can go, we're gonna we matter of fact, we already out here.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Let's go in deep.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: Think about in politics.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: You could have a person that could have been on team A for 10 years, and then on that 11th year, they're like, you know what?
18:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't like what team A is talking about no more.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm about to check out what team B is doing now.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm about to switch sides, and people will be mad.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about violently mad because you changed your mind.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: Family, it's really sad that people get so I'm talking about, I'm I sometimes I observe the elections, family.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: And if you've read my book, The No BS Guide to Politics, you know it's not about taking a side, it's about really doing your own research.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: But here's another thing, family.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: I look at politics, number one, I truly believe that you need to get involved in your community level, on your state level, and make changes from the inside, and then you can go to the federal level because the federal level of politics will always be big, it will always be blown out of proportion and all these different things.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: So I absolutely get it.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Okay, however, family, what you must understand is that in politics, people have changed parties their whole life.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: Because people change their minds, their priorities change, their level of accountability change, and people tend to get pissed off when a person says, you know what, that was my fault.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: I was wrong.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: Let me go ahead and we need to do something different, you know.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: Or I changed my mind about that.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't feel the same way.
20:10
SPEAKER_00: People act like you owe them money when you tell them you change your mind.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Family, what I want you to understand is accountability isn't surrender, it's how you get your power back.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you something too, family, when you show massive accountability, but not only that, you want to take responsibility for your level up and you want to do better.
20:32
SPEAKER_00: Listen, it shines the light on people that really just want to play the blame game or ride somebody else's coattail.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: You can really tell about true leadership when it comes to things like that.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and here's the deal, family.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: Some people they will never take accountability for the things they have done.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: But one thing I will say, family, you will see the actions in them.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: You will see their actions have changed.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Some people, this is just how some folks are.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: They may never admit, some people do, some people don't.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: But one thing about a family, regardless if they admit it or not, look at their actions.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Look at their actions.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Because once you admit there's something you can change, listen, and you you're willing to work on it, there's nothing that they can do with you then.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: Here's truth number three: your explanation cannot become your entire identity.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: Here's something else I've noticed.
21:18
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people attach, they become so attached to explaining what happened to them and their family that the story starts defining everything they believe is possible.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about people who need time, support, or professional help to recover from serious experiences, family, because some things that happened to you, Lord have mercy.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: Listen, healing isn't something that you can rush.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: And depending on how you came up, your family could have gone through something that literally happened back in the 1940s.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: But because it was so traumatic, generation after generation, you had that story pass down and beat into your bloodline, into your DNA.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: Here it is 2026.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: You can't forget what happened to your family back then, right?
22:00
SPEAKER_00: And here's the deal, family.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: You have to be the one that says, you know what, that did happen, but that's not the end.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: You have to be the one that takes initiative to say, you know what?
22:08
SPEAKER_00: I need to get some type of healing.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about the moment when a person begins treating their history as proof that their future cannot be different.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: See, that is the difference.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Here's an example.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: I can't start a business because my last one failed.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I can't trust anybody because everybody betrayed me.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: I can't become a leader because nobody ever gave me a chance.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong, family.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Those experiences may explain why you're cautious.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: They may explain why certain decisions are harder, but they don't automatically determine every possibility ahead of you.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: See, one thing about the past, family, it is the past.
22:40
SPEAKER_00: It's just to teach you, it's not to stop you from reaching, it's to teach.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: See, your past deserves to be acknowledged.
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Don't ever let anybody erase your history.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: That was one thing I didn't agree with.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: Y'all know I'm in the U.S.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: I didn't agree with um the erasing of different histories.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: And I know a lot of uh African-American people, they were talking about, you know, how they were trying to take the history away.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't agree with that.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: But I also did not agree with them trying to tear down the Confederate soldier, the statues, and all of that.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, that is what makes us unique as a country.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: We had people doing that, we had people that went through so many different things.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: But here we are today.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Why are we trying, why are we so focused on the past that we're ready to tear down the past?
23:24
SPEAKER_00: We're not even building the future up.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make sense.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Your past deserved to be acknowledged, it doesn't deserve unlimited authority over the future, though.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to deny what happened, you don't have to pretend it didn't hurt, even when you hear about it.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: But you can ask up, you can begin asking a different question.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking, instead of only asking why did this happen, also ask, what can I do with what I know now?
23:47
SPEAKER_00: See, sometimes, family, when you look back at a lot of things that your people went through, your family went through, you and your you even as your childhood, the question doesn't erase the past, it gives you somewhere to go.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it motivates you to level up, it motivates you to put the pedal to the metal and live way larger than people ever told you you could, or anybody that looked like you could.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: This is why I always tell you guys, ladies and gentlemen, to use your pain as fuel.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: Use it as few.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: If they told you because you was too skinny or you was from a certain place that you can't do it and you really want to do it, do it and make them a liar.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Do it in front of them, they face and let them know they got to stay in their place.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
24:29
SPEAKER_00: So let's do the blame game buffoonery test.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Here's this test thinking about something you've been complaining about.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: Think about something you've really been complaining about lately.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's your career, relationships, finances, or maybe it's an opportunity that you believe you deserve.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself three questions.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: First, what actually happened?
24:43
SPEAKER_00: Not the dramatic version, not the version you tell friends when you need them to agree with you.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: What are the facts?
24:48
SPEAKER_00: What actually happened?
24:49
SPEAKER_00: Number two, what part?
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself what part was really within your control.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: Maybe none of the original event was, maybe none of it was your control, and that's possible, family.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: I remember I had an interview a while back, and that thing went so good.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: It went so good, and they told me that I would be talking to the second person in command, and after that, it will be a decision made, and she was just so delighted at speaking to me.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: Family, I never heard from those people again.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: I never heard from those people again, and I was so upset and hurt about it.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
25:22
SPEAKER_00: I had to decide.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, guess what?
25:24
SPEAKER_00: What was in my control?
25:26
SPEAKER_00: Nothing was what was in my control?
25:28
SPEAKER_00: Sorry, something was, and that was the way I performed on the interview.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: After I searched and thought about how I interviewed the interview, went great.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
25:36
SPEAKER_00: That was all I could do.
25:37
SPEAKER_00: I can't force them to call me back.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: See, maybe none of the original event was in your control.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: That's possible, right?
25:45
SPEAKER_00: But like I was thinking about it, I said, but hey, at the end of the day, I can't control them calling me back.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: So at the end of the day, number three, what am I gonna do about it?
25:54
SPEAKER_00: Because here's where we separate the players from the spectators.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: You can explain the problem beautifully, you can have evidence and a witness.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: You can you, I'm talking about you might have it on point where you're completely right about it.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: But if the thing you, but if the only thing you ever do is rehearse the problem, you may stuck in it longer than you may be stuck longer than necessary.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: And I know that sounds harsh, but I'm talking to you like somebody who actually wants to see you win.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: A real friend, fam, they're not gonna let you walk around and walk out the house looking crazy and tell you that the outfit is giving everything.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: No, baby.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: A real friend is gonna tell you, girl, no, go back in there and change.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: You deserve better than that.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
26:26
SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna let you do something crazy.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: That's one thing about it.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: When you know you got good friends, they're not.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: They're not, they're not, they're not.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: They don't want to see you humiliate to humiliate yourself, right?
26:36
SPEAKER_00: They want to help you do better.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: So, this is what I'm saying to you, fam.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting for an apology to start your life.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Here's another trap.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're waiting on the person that hurt us to admit what they did.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: We want an apology, the acknowledgement, the moment when they finally say, You were right, I'm sorry, and I understand that.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, accountability matters, but fuck them.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the people they will never apologize and they will, they will, they will flung around about that that they never apologize.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the company never admits that it was wrong.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person who betrayed you they will never tell the truth, they will continue on lying to the end of time.
27:07
SPEAKER_00: So, what happens then?
27:08
SPEAKER_00: Do you put your entire future on hold until somebody else develops a conscience?
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: You can pursue justice if you want to, you can establish boundaries, cut their ass off.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: You can protect yourself, you can keep building your life while those things are happening.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Let them do what they do, but don't make somebody else's confession the permission slip you need for your comeback, the permission slip that you need to go to the next level and win.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: That's giving people too much control.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: I always love the saying the best the best type of revenge is success.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: When them people told you, you know, hey, you look like this and you're ugly, and your people don't do nothing but smoke cigarettes and whatever they whatever stupid stuff people say.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Be the exception.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: And every time they see you, make them eat them words up, make them eat them up every time they see somebody like you.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: Every single time, make them eat them words up.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: And listen, family, because you a black sheep.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Another thing I want you to do, keep your head up too.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: When you get your stuff, whatever your stuff is.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: I don't care if it's a BMW e-bike, I don't care what it is.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: When you get your stuff, family, you get it and you live good in it.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: And you walk around with your head up because you didn't play the blame game.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: You know some jacked up stuff happened to you.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: You a black sheep.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: All kinds of crap happened to us.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: You didn't let it stop you, though.
28:19
SPEAKER_00: You didn't let it stop you.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: So when you get it, on every level, you're gonna celebrate them smalls, them small wins, you're gonna still walk in it proudly with your head up.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't care what's going on out in the world because when we take our losses, we take our losses.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: But black sheep family, when you say I'm not gonna let the blame game get me, and I'm gonna continue to press forward when it's your time to win, you better eat.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Now let's get into these three black at uh black sheep action moves.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: Number one, separate the facts from the story.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: See, choose one situation that's been bothering you.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: Write down what happened, and then write down what you've been telling yourself that it means.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: Those aren't the same thing, family.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: See, sometimes, like I tell you, you gotta learn how to use alchemy.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: I talk about it all the time.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: Alchemy, simply, in my opinion, without all that mystical stuff being involved, is learn how to take shit and turn it to sugar.
29:05
SPEAKER_00: That simply means learning how to take boo-boo, like how they have the fertilizer composite.
29:11
SPEAKER_00: When they have that composite pile, guess what?
29:14
SPEAKER_00: They take waste, garbage.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: That's the garbage that people talk, the waste that they say, the bullshit they have coming your way, you use it as fuel, motivation, and energy to level up no matter what.
29:26
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's what you do.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: Number two, find your next move.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, you know what, this is what happened, but what can I do now?
29:33
SPEAKER_00: What can I do about it?
29:34
SPEAKER_00: It might be getting help, changing your approach, learning a new skill, setting a boundary, or taking a formal action.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Choose one step that's within your reach.
29:41
SPEAKER_00: Family, when I talk about in the 33 degrees to misfit mastery, family, learning.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: I know AI is taking a lot of jobs.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, I have lost contracts due to AI, so I am experiencing everything that you are.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: But you know what I say, family?
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna just sit around and keep blaming AI.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm a human.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: We got HI, that's human intelligence.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Humans will always be smarter.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: You will always hear me say that because we created AI.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: Maybe some people created AI and it's gonna end up being really dumb for us.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
30:07
SPEAKER_00: For the people that want to apply and expand their knowledge, we always are gonna be the superior.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and so what I'm saying is when things happen, decide what you're gonna do about it.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: Don't sit around and oh man, AI taking the jobs.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: Well, what can I do about it?
30:22
SPEAKER_00: So, for an example, family, you might say, you know what, let me discover all of the skills and courses that I could take with AI.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: That way, while things are changing, I got the skills that I can ride right along with the change.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling behind the back when things are when I'm forced to change.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: No, I'm jumping in to change.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: See, though, that is how you really, that is how you really take charge in your life and avoid that bland game buffoonery.
30:46
SPEAKER_00: And the people that want to keep playing a bland game, sitting back, waiting, guess what, family?
30:50
SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be way up on a whole nother level and they're gonna be still in the bag talking about what happened, what's going on.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: Move number three, retire one excuse.
30:57
SPEAKER_00: Listen, family, identify one excuse that you repeated long enough.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Be fair with yourself.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: A genuine limitation isn't automatically an excuse.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: But if there's something that you know you could start doing and you've been putting it off, choose a small action and do it this week.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: Here's an intelligent family.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Blaine can explain what happened, but accountability helps determine what happens next.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to take responsibility for somebody else's wrongdoing, but don't give away your ability and your power to make decisions about your future.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: And please don't stop confusing and please stop confusing being right with making progress.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Some people always want to be right and ain't making no damn progress, family.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: You can be right all day long and still need strategy and still need help.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: Now, check this out, family.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: If part of your frustration is your career, maybe you've been tired of being overlooked and you're ready to do a career pivot because of all of the AI changes.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: I created something called a 2027 career pivot report, and you can check it out.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: It helps you examine your career opportunities, salary potential, AI exposure, skills, credentials, and long-term career value.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: It really helps you pivot and position yourself.
31:55
SPEAKER_00: So before you quit, retrain, relocate, or reinvent your career, get the intelligence first.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: All right.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Now that particular link is in the show notes, but black sheep, you don't have to pretend that life has been fair.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to excuse the people who did your people wrong or did you wrong.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: But don't spend a whole lifetime explaining why you didn't do nothing with yourself just because of what somebody else did.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: Everybody got an excuse.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: Who's got an action plan?
32:19
SPEAKER_00: All right, family?
32:20
SPEAKER_00: Everybody got some blame.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: We can blame, listen, family, we'll be blaming the world forever.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: We can start in England, the Dutch, you know, the Indian people can talk about how they came over there and stole the crown jewels, and the the Chinese folks and the Japanese people can talk about everybody got something they can blame.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: But who got the execution plan?
32:41
SPEAKER_00: Who got that plan?
32:43
SPEAKER_00: That's who I want to talk to.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Who gonna make moves anyway?
32:46
SPEAKER_00: From that's all that's why I always tell you, family, get you a couple heroes from the 1800s.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: Them people right there, you'll be on your way to sleep at night and you'll read about one of them folks back then, it'll get you back out your bed.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: I promise you, it'll pump you up because those people had grit.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: They didn't give a crap what nobody said.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: Some of them folks, they said you're not gonna stop me, and I mean it.
33:04
SPEAKER_00: They didn't care.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: They said until the end of time, I'm gonna try to get this thing on my dime.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
33:09
SPEAKER_00: So listen, family.
33:10
SPEAKER_00: Don't just hear today's lesson.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Run the play because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next intel briefing.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Peace.