Latest / The BEYOND Podcast / Ian Stringer: Turning Trauma into Strength

Transcript

Ian Stringer: Turning Trauma into Strength · The BEYOND Podcast

0:00
Unknown: Ian Stringer.
0:01
Okay.
0:02
This interview started off a little bit fiery.
0:06
Okay.
0:06
Ian wasn't giving me what I wanted deliberately.
0:09
He was one wording me, one word answering me.
0:12
Uh, so it was a bit tough.
0:13
We had a bit of a scrape.
0:15
However he delivers.
0:17
Okay.
0:17
He delivers, he tells me a lot of interesting stuff.
0:21
He gets down about, apprentice down, about addiction.
0:25
Down about abuse.
0:27
We get into it all.
0:29
This one is a fiery bomb.
0:38
Hello, Ian.
0:40
Hello. Welcome.
0:40
Welcome to Be on the Boardroom.
0:42
How are you today?
0:43
I'm
0:44
Unknown: okay.
0:45
Yeah, I'm all right.
0:46
Unknown: What was the overall apprentice experience like for you?
0:50
Unknown: The overall apprentice experience was I. A bit of fun.
0:57
It was in many ways life changing because of what came after.
1:00
It was something I reflect on and I don't visit a great deal or talk about.
1:06
It was a moment in time in my life that is, has been and gone, and
1:12
I've learned from, to be honest.
1:13
Has
1:13
Unknown: your apprentice experience generally do you think
1:16
helped or hindered your overall reputation or had no impact?
1:21
Unknown: My overall reputation.
1:23
In what context?
1:25
Unknown: Your professional reputation.
1:28
Unknown: Uh, I think initially it helped the kind of sweep of
1:34
8 million people are watching.
1:35
The television show that you're involved in is
1:39
seen as a positive and kinda have a positive influence for your.
1:44
Profile.
1:45
I hate that word.
1:45
Yes.
1:46
But then what comes with it is can be a challenge.
1:49
But again, I was pretty ready for that and was aware of that.
1:52
So
1:54
Unknown: when you say what comes after that, what are you, what is that?
1:58
Unknown: Media scrutiny?
1:59
Mm-hmm.
2:01
Unknown: In what way?
2:07
Unknown: In the salacious red top newspapers.
2:13
Trying to find information on individuals that that can be a challenge.
2:19
And was a challenge, but again, it wasn't unexpected.
2:22
Unknown: And on the more positive side, what's the most valuable
2:27
lesson that you learned from your experience on The Apprentice that
2:32
you then took into broadcasting?
2:34
'cause you've had a, have a pretty good career in broadcasting.
2:38
Unknown: Thank you.
2:39
I would say probably resilience building actually, I think would
2:43
probably be to have been able to build up resilience of failure, building up
2:50
resilience of not achieving, building up resilience of dealing with the
2:56
media spotlight, building up resilience of kind of what comes with it.
3:00
I think that was probably the biggest positive that came from it for me,
3:04
but also actually it put me at a, a career crossroads really, whether I
3:09
wanted to carry on with my business career and use what the apprentice
3:13
had generated in terms of a. Profile.
3:17
Again, I hate the word, but I've used it twice or whether I
3:21
wanted to go into broadcasting more, which I was already doing.
3:25
Unknown: Had you considered that media field
3:28
before going into The Apprentice?
3:29
Unknown: I was already a football reporter when I applied,
3:34
so I was working Monday to Friday, nine to five in software sales.
3:38
Unknown: Mm-hmm.
3:39
Unknown: And then at the weekend, on a Saturday, I was football reporting,
3:42
so I was reporting on relatively low.
3:46
Level League teams with the utmost respect to MK Dons and Wickham Wanderers.
3:51
I was reporting on those on a Saturday, and I had been for a while.
3:54
I'd, it is a, it is an industry I'd always taken huge interest in and
3:59
really enjoyed, and so I was already doing that and when the apprentice
4:04
finished, I had an opportunity to maybe double down on that, which I did.
4:09
And as you kindly say, I've done okay more
4:12
Unknown: than, okay.
4:13
You've won the highly commended.
4:15
The commentator of the year award.
4:18
That's pretty cool.
4:19
Mm. You've been doing it a while.
4:21
You Google, you can, you've got a very good presence on Google.
4:24
Would you say?
4:25
I do it.
4:25
You've been quite successful or you?
4:27
Unknown: I've done.
4:28
You've been?
4:29
I've done.
4:29
Okay.
4:30
I, humility is the most attractive trait that I've seen in anybody
4:33
winning A an SJAA Sports Journalist Association Award is our equivalent
4:37
of the Oscars, and I was lucky to.
4:41
Look talent, let's say fortune.
4:45
Fortune favors a braver, right?
4:47
I was fortunate enough to be rewarded for some good work at
4:50
the SGAs and amongst my peers.
4:52
That was great, but it's not for me.
4:53
It's not necessarily about that.
4:55
It's about getting experience and commentating on a thousand professional
5:00
games of football in my career and commentating on football in la and.
5:05
And in Hong Kong and in Thailand and around Europe.
5:08
And that's, I got very lucky with the Lester City story in 2016
5:15
when they won the Premier League.
5:16
Unknown: So what drove you to pursue a tribunal case against the BBC?
5:21
Unknown: Because I believed I was wrongfully dismissed.
5:25
Unknown: And why were you wrongfully dismissed?
5:28
Unknown: Why an interesting question.
5:29
My lawyer in the first week of dealing with him advised that I never try and.
5:34
Understand the why because you'll never get to it.
5:37
He said, if there's one thing you can do, never try and focus on the why.
5:40
You'll never understand the why.
5:41
Nobody will ever know the why.
5:42
Nobody will ever admit to the why.
5:44
So get that outta your head now and let's try and prove that you are wrongfully
5:49
dismissed, which we failed in doing.
5:52
And so we draw a line and we move on.
5:56
Unknown: So you open up this case against the BB.
5:59
C. Your lawyer, you wanna know why this has happened to you?
6:04
Your lawyer's saying we can't talk about the why.
6:08
Unknown: No. You'll never understand the why.
6:09
You'll never get the why.
6:11
The why will, you'll never get the why.
6:13
So don't focus on the why.
6:16
Unknown: Yeah.
6:17
And you're still gonna, not gonna talk about the why or you,
6:19
Unknown: you can't.
6:20
I dunno. Talk about
6:20
Unknown: the why.
6:21
Unknown: don't know.
6:21
I don't know why.
6:22
That's the thing.
6:22
You'll never understand.
6:23
Why you just try and prove one way or the other.
6:26
And so that's what, ultimately, that's what.
6:30
We attempted to do.
6:33
Unknown: Are there any regrets about the BBC's tribunal outcome
6:37
and how it played out publicly?
6:39
Unknown: No.
6:41
Unknown: No regrets whatsoever on that?
6:43
None.
6:45
So from the research that I was doing online, some said that it
6:50
wasn't about whistle blowing, but about freebies and misconduct.
6:54
I don't know.
6:55
If you wanna comment on that or not, but if you do wanna give your
6:59
side of story, that'll be great.
7:04
Unknown: So what's the question?
7:05
Unknown: Some have said it's about freebies and not about misconduct.
7:12
So the COVID-19 breaches, what are your thoughts on that?
7:18
Unknown: My thoughts are I've drawn a line under what's happened
7:22
and I moved on with my life.
7:25
Freelance football reporter and commentator.
7:28
Now I'm working for Sky Sports.
7:29
I'm working for Talk Sport.
7:30
I'm working for ITV.
7:31
I'm working for international companies and I'm overjoyed.
7:34
I thoroughly enjoyed the 20 years I had with the BBC and had some
7:37
of the best moments of my career.
7:42
Unknown: This will probably be a difficult question for you, but do you
7:44
think the BBC handled your case fairly?
7:53
Unknown: No.
7:58
Unknown: It's quite tough when you're coming up
8:00
against a big organization.
8:03
Yeah. Like that.
8:04
And you feel this way.
8:06
Unknown: Yeah, I agree.
8:11
Unknown: How does it make you feel?
8:15
Unknown: Which bit?
8:17
Unknown: The bit that you feel you've been treated unfairly.
8:21
Unknown: How's it made me feel?
8:22
It makes me,
8:28
it's difficult because
8:32
I don't feel I was treated particularly fairly,
8:38
but also again, it, again, it's built resilience in me and my career.
8:42
It's allowed me to experience lows and suffering and to.
8:48
Price a bit of that into my future.
8:49
What's in the past is in the past, isn't it?
8:51
You can't change that.
8:52
You can't alter that.
8:53
You can reflect on it.
8:55
You can try and learn on it and from it, and ultimately that's what I've tried
8:58
to do and with a degree of success.
9:04
Unknown: Yeah. So that is all you can do really.
9:06
Yeah.
9:06
Is learn from it and, and grow and move on.
9:09
You can't, yeah, you can't sit in that, but it must be tough.
9:13
Unknown: Yeah.
9:14
Yeah.
9:14
It is tough and it was challenging and it remains challenging, but
9:19
nobody's gonna change anything.
9:21
The court case isn't all of a sudden gonna change when I wake up one morning,
9:24
things that have happened in my life, whatever they are, good, bad, or
9:28
indifferent, they're not gonna be gone.
9:30
Nobody can take away the fact that I called some of the biggest moments in
9:34
the Premier League history in my career.
9:35
So they happened.
9:37
Yeah, the good and the bad, the in-between the average stuff, it's all been and gone.
9:42
So as long as in that moment, at that time, I gave my all, I tried my best.
9:48
I left no stone unturned
9:53
in a personal capacity, a professional capacity, then I don't see the
9:57
value in wallowing in my own misery.
10:01
I think you've gotta, you've gotta pick yourself back up and try and learn.
10:07
Unknown: I think anyone listening to that, to this, to what you're saying,
10:11
and obviously you've had huge things happen to you, and it's a big deal
10:14
when you're going up against the B, B, C, and it's also a big deal when you
10:18
respond to it in the way that you have and you just, you soldier your own.
10:22
Unknown: Yeah, I don't, yeah, and you, but context is king though, isn't it?
10:28
Because
10:31
I say this to my kids all the time.
10:32
There's a doctor somewhere, 20 miles from my home that's
10:35
operating on a child with cancer.
10:37
There are parents in a waiting room not knowing if that operation's gonna go.
10:40
Okay.
10:41
Yeah.
10:42
And they, if they are of a religious persuasion, they are, they're asking,
10:47
they're almighty to help if they're not, and they wanna put all their faith in the
10:50
medical people and professionals, and we all hope that everything's gonna be okay.
10:55
And they're in a waiting room, wondering about the health of their child.
10:58
Uh, went up against a Goliath in court and a lost Okay.
11:04
Those kids are contextually that significant.
11:10
That's important what we are talking about with the utmost respect.
11:13
It's, yeah,
11:14
Unknown: it's not a matter of life and death.
11:16
It's
11:16
Unknown: not, and actually a lot's happened in my life that has.
11:22
Really narrowed my focus and allowed me to have a level of context with that in mind.
11:27
And I know that doesn't fit into the apprentice lifestyle, the apprentice
11:31
view, and maybe what initially you wanted to talk to me about with that
11:35
polar opposite, you Lord, sugar was X, Y, Z, or he wasn't, and you're
11:39
at one end of that extreme spectrum.
11:43
I'm not.
11:44
I'm one of these people in the middle.
11:45
That 2024 doesn't allow for.
11:50
Context, I think and nuance.
11:52
I think the fear of missing out generation and the can we skip to the good part
11:57
generation are everything that's wrong.
11:59
I think actually if you're somewhere in the middle and you can reflect, and you
12:02
can have context with things in your life, then I think that allows you to
12:06
keep a level head on when things are going well and when things aren't going well.
12:10
I didn't use that when I tried to get through the auditions to get on the show,
12:13
of course, but I knew what I was doing.
12:16
Unknown: Yeah, just to give you context to what I'm doing here, this is
12:20
not an opportunity to catch you out, and it's not an opportunity to sensationalize.
12:26
It's an opportunity to
12:31
allow others to learn something from what you've been through
12:36
to add value in that way.
12:40
Sometimes when people have gone through something and you hear about
12:45
it, you can relate to it and you can learn from it, and you can also
12:50
try and avoid making that mistake.
12:51
You know how these things work.
12:53
Of course, it's a, it's entertainment.
12:55
Someone will put it on a goal.
12:56
Let's hear about the apprentice candidates, whatever.
12:57
But it's also showing a deeper level than the shallow sort of cannon fodder.
13:04
Being displayed and ridiculed.
13:05
It's humanizing.
13:07
Let's get to know the person a little bit.
13:08
Let's get to understand the story.
13:10
Some might like it, some might relate, some might not.
13:12
I actually don't know.
13:14
This is the first time I'm doing this, so I'll just be frank, but
13:17
I feel like it's interesting.
13:20
It's a human story, and just because it's not a matter of life and death doesn't
13:23
mean it's less of an important story.
13:25
It's your story.
13:26
Unknown: Everyone's got a story to tell.
13:28
That's my view as a. As a journalist, that's my view as a human being and
13:33
everybody has a story to tell and that story can be of interest and I get that.
13:37
I understand that I do.
13:39
But I also think context is key and context is important, and context
13:42
can get lost in the edit room,
13:49
Unknown: like I say to everyone, and which is why I like to
13:52
have the questions reviewed is because I feel that if there's something
13:57
you don't wanna talk about or say.
14:00
Don't say or talk about it in the first place because once you do
14:05
and it's out there, it's out there.
14:08
So everyone has to take responsibility for their own brands, and I feel
14:12
you're extremely aware of that.
14:14
And I think that in answering these questions, you're very
14:18
much controlling the narrative.
14:20
I would say your narrative, which is fair.
14:25
You agree with that?
14:27
Unknown: Yeah.
14:27
I can control what I say and I can only give you my truth.
14:33
That's honestly how I feel.
14:34
I've, I have no vested interest in portraying myself in one
14:39
way or the other because I.
14:42
I don't understand the value in that.
14:44
I don't understand.
14:44
Unknown: no value.
14:45
There is no value in that.
14:46
There ly
14:47
Unknown: isn't.
14:48
So I have answered your questions in an honest manner, and again, with the
14:52
utmost respect I've been spoken to about every incident that you and I have
14:57
discussed by a lot of different people.
15:00
And that can be, you know, a cold call reporter knocking on your door.
15:05
It can be, it can be emails into your inbox that.
15:11
You know, you need to reply to, and they're difficult.
15:12
So I'm more than happy to talk about what I'm happy to talk about, but if
15:18
I don't want to discuss something in detail that is my, yeah, that is my
15:21
prerogative, and if I choose to do that for me, for my mental health, for my
15:27
ability to test my resilience and move on, then again that that's up to me.
15:33
I have my views on every question that you've had.
15:36
I've given my views, honestly, and.
15:40
But it may not make interesting sound bites, but that's how I feel.
15:44
That's the place I'm in and I'm good.
15:46
I'm good with that.
15:47
Unknown: That's all we could ever ask of anyone.
15:50
What's the hardest part of balancing your media life with
15:54
your family responsibilities?
15:58
Unknown: Media life?
15:59
You mean in terms of my job, my profession?
16:01
Unknown: Yeah.
16:01
Being public.
16:02
What's the hardest?
16:05
Unknown: Probably Google.
16:08
Unknown: Why?
16:09
Unknown: Just because in 2024 things are, there used
16:16
to be a saying, didn't there?
16:17
That newspaper is tomorrow's chip paper.
16:19
Today's newspaper is tomorrow's chip paper.
16:21
And that was fine.
16:22
That was okay in the eighties and nineties, but now it's not.
16:25
'cause it stays there forever.
16:27
And that's probably the most difficult part.
16:30
And managing publicly what you say and how you say it.
16:34
I think social media is a juggernaut, isn't it?
16:37
And you need to be acutely aware of
16:42
what you say and how you say it, because you need to make sure
16:46
that your kids, when go to school,
16:50
may.
16:52
Be asked about it may find out about it.
16:54
So you just gotta furnish them with a bit of detail in between.
16:57
It's something that may resonate with you and anybody else that's been
16:59
through the process that we have.
17:01
So that's probably, that's probably, yeah, I think that's probably
17:05
the biggest challenge, actually.
17:06
Obviously working weekends, but I've worked weekends for 20 plus years.
17:09
My days of work are Saturday and Sunday, so balancing that with family life is.
17:14
Is a challenge,
17:15
Unknown: something you have spoken about publicly online, and it is.
17:19
Then there's several articles about it, is your mom struggles with alcoholism.
17:27
Do you wanna comment on that at all today and how that experience was, what
17:31
you went through, what your mom went through, and how that impacted you?
17:38
Unknown: Yes.
17:40
I'm happy to do that.
17:41
I'm happy to talk about it.
17:42
What would you like to know?
17:44
Just one clarification on the question.
17:47
Unknown: What was it like for you?
17:48
What was it like for your mom?
17:50
How did it impact you?
17:51
Unknown: Which bit?
17:52
The alcohol, the death, the disease, the alcohol, the alcoholism.
17:56
Unknown: Yes,
17:56
Unknown: it was.
18:05
Initially, when you're a child, you don't know when.
18:08
I often, I'm a big fan of Oasis and Noel Gallagher's kind of a hero of mine, and
18:12
you hear Noel talk about, people say to him, oh, you were brought up on a
18:16
counselor state, rough life and all that.
18:18
And Noel will always say, or will often say, yeah, but.
18:22
The guys next door were having the same, and the rest of the estate
18:24
was suffering the same things.
18:26
Nobody had any money.
18:27
There was alcohol, there was sometimes violence, there was sometimes crime
18:31
in different, we all had the same around us, and I very much feel
18:35
similar to that in that at the time as a child, you don't know different.
18:39
How alcoholism affected me was I had a warped sense of what was normal.
18:47
Had a warped sense of how a drug changes a personality.
18:52
At the time when you're 6, 7, 8 and you're making toys out of log cans,
18:58
you're making pyramids outta log cans, and you and your baby brother
19:01
and sister are knocking them down.
19:02
And I, I remember speaking to my counselor about that and I spoke
19:06
about it with a smile on my face and she looked at me and said, do you
19:09
understand the significance of that, that you see that as a happy memory?
19:12
And building pyramids with empty lager cans isn't great parenting.
19:17
That that speaks to the fact there's kind of problems in there.
19:22
To me, I was making pyramids and me and my little brother and
19:24
sister were whacking them down.
19:25
It was great, but it clearly wasn't great, was it?
19:28
And
19:28
Unknown: yeah,
19:29
Unknown: it's a disease and it's took me a while and counseling
19:33
helped to understand it was a disease.
19:35
I was very angry when I lost my mom and I wear her engagement ring around my neck
19:41
every day to remind me of a happy person.
19:46
Unknown: How old were you when you lost your mum?
19:49
Unknown: I lost my mom two days after.
19:52
That's the city won the Premier League, so the biggest day of
19:54
my career was on the 2nd of May, and I lost my mom on the, sorry.
20:00
Yeah. So
20:01
Unknown: how old were you?
20:02
Sorry.
20:02
Unknown: I was in 2016.
20:06
I was 35.
20:10
My birthday was on the 1st of May.
20:12
Lester with the Premier League on the second.
20:13
She died on the fourth, but she wasn't discovered until the 27th of June.
20:18
Unknown: Why?
20:18
Why was that?
20:20
Unknown: Because nobody discovered her body.
20:23
Oh my God.
20:25
I had stopped speaking with my late mother about two years before
20:30
Alcoholics Anonymous advised.
20:32
Children of alcoholics to, when you get to the point and anybody watching this, and
20:37
I'm sorry if you are, and this resonates, you get to a point and everyone knows
20:41
that point where you just go, I'm done.
20:44
And I've described that point as it's like a hundred meter track and me and all her
20:48
siblings, grandchildren are at the finish.
20:50
She's at the start and the blocks and all we're asking, I say all is for to
20:54
get out the blocks and run a meter.
20:56
We'll run the 99, we'll sprint, the 99, but if you don't want to get out of the
21:01
meter and accept it's a disease and want help, there's only so much we can do.
21:05
So we stopped speaking to her.
21:06
I stopped speaking to her because I was just, I found it impossible.
21:12
I didn't wanna speak to my kids about why their nana had died
21:14
'cause I could see the inevitable.
21:16
And I check in with my uncle and text him 'cause he lived relatively close and just
21:21
make sure she was frankly still alive.
21:25
And we got a call from the coroner that in the sheltered home that she
21:30
had lived in, there'd been concerns raised that nobody had seen her for
21:35
a while, and the police forced entry and found her on the bathroom floor.
21:40
She, she had to be identified by her dental records.
21:43
Unknown: Oh my word.
21:44
That's awful.
21:45
I'm, it's.
21:47
I'm so sorry.
21:49
That's context like to just to say that, just to hear you saying,
21:53
repeating that I'm so sorry that's, it's incomprehendible like your mom
21:58
is just, it just is so odd, isn't it?
22:05
To understand why when something's so bad for someone that they can't just stop it.
22:11
Just.
22:12
Stop that thing.
22:13
It's really bad for you.
22:15
Can you just not stop it?
22:16
What is it in alcohol, in addiction that grips someone's soul?
22:20
To that extent,
22:22
Unknown: it's a disease, isn't it?
22:23
And I've come to learn that, and counseling's really helped me with that
22:26
to understand that it is a disease.
22:28
And just again, to put into context what we've spoken about earlier, when you've
22:31
had to call the dentist to get your mom's dental records to identify her
22:35
gold tooth that will identify it's her.
22:38
I. Again, I hate to point out the obvious, but there wasn't enough of
22:42
her flesh to identify who she was.
22:44
When you understand it is a disease when you understand ultimately, and
22:48
this is how I can be at peace in it with it, and this is how I can realize
22:51
that I have and still and had love for my mom, is that she didn't intend.
22:57
To be hooked.
22:59
An addict doesn't intend
23:00
Unknown: right to
23:01
Unknown: be hooked.
23:02
It's a disease.
23:03
It is no longer a choice.
23:05
They don't say, I'm gonna take that drink that due, that it's involuntary.
23:10
They can't control it anymore.
23:11
They lose control.
23:13
And when you identify that as a child of an alcoholic, which I am.
23:18
You can then start to accept that the blame isn't necessarily with the person.
23:22
And that's the hard bit because she raised me when she was sober.
23:25
She was a dotting mum.
23:26
She'd do anything.
23:27
She once came home.
23:29
We were living in a cancer house in Leicester.
23:31
I don't want a badge.
23:32
We lived in a cancer house.
23:33
I loved it the best years of my childhood.
23:35
She came home with a black eye and she'd been in a fight in the
23:39
morning and she had some milk.
23:41
And I said, what happened?
23:43
And she said, I stole the milk from the next door neighbor.
23:45
And she heard me.
23:47
Why did you steal milk?
23:48
She said, 'cause you've not got any breakfast.
23:50
She couldn't afford any milk.
23:51
She couldn't afford breakfast.
23:53
And she walked in and she'd gotten a fight with a neighbor.
23:56
Unknown: Oh. But
23:57
Unknown: she had the milk and so her son ate, and that goes back
24:02
to the fundamentals, who without the disease, she was, and that's not great.
24:06
Stealing is bad.
24:07
Kids don't steal.
24:08
But she was in a position whereby it was her or the food.
24:13
She tried to feed her son, and ultimately she did.
24:16
And if I could find my neighbor ever again, I would, I'd pay
24:18
her back for, for the lost milk.
24:20
But when she wasn't gripped by the disease, she was a good person.
24:24
And when you understand it's a disease, you can understand that.
24:27
And when you understand that you can forgive.
24:28
I have forgiven my mother.
24:30
I have not forgiven the drug, which is legal, but it's highly addictive.
24:34
Highly addictive.
24:35
It's legal and it gets taxed for the government and all of that.
24:38
But it's addictive.
24:39
Alcohol kills more people than every class A drug put together.
24:43
But it's okay 'cause it's legal tobacco is okay 'cause it's legal.
24:46
And once you've realized that it's a disease, you can
24:49
start to forgive the person.
24:50
And that's been the important thing for me.
24:52
Unknown: There'll be a lot of people watching that,
24:54
that have that drink, I think probably more than they should.
24:58
And, and,
24:59
Unknown: but that's okay.
25:00
But there is then an addiction and there is a gap between drinking and being.
25:04
Okay.
25:05
Can you stop, can you have four and stop.
25:08
Can you have five?
25:09
And stop.
25:10
Can you have seven And stop.
25:11
If you could stop then okay.
25:13
But there is then an area you venture into where you can't.
25:16
And if you can't, then you might have a problem.
25:18
And I would implore anybody that's watching or anybody that knows
25:21
somebody that has a problem, just to try enough for help.
25:24
If you can use services like Alcoholics Anonymous, do the test services.
25:28
Yeah.
25:29
Unknown: Can you stop? Can you stop?
25:30
Full stop.
25:31
Do the test.
25:32
I think that's the question.
25:33
'cause probably a lot of people watching will think I can definitely stop,
25:36
but can they for two days, for three days, for one week, for one month.
25:40
How long can you stop for?
25:41
It's a huge thing.
25:42
It's a huge problem in this country.
25:44
Unknown: Yep, I agree.
25:45
And it's actually helped me deal with trauma in a different way.
25:50
'cause I don't drink at all.
25:51
Unknown: Something else that you've spoken openly
25:53
about is domestic violence.
25:56
What did that look like?
25:59
Unknown: Domestic violence within my life looked like
26:03
my late mother being beaten.
26:10
In front of me.
26:12
Unknown: In front of you.
26:13
Unknown: I remember dialing 9, 9, 9 from my neighbor's house.
26:18
There was, alcohol was always involved.
26:20
My brother and sister were very young and there was an altercation downstairs
26:24
and I heard it and my brother was asleep, but my sister was on the sofa.
26:28
It was early hours in the morning and it was shouting, throwing things, violence.
26:32
I could hear it and I went downstairs and grabbed my sister and ran out the front
26:36
door and my mom was at the front door.
26:39
And I saw my mum be headbutted.
26:40
Unknown: By whom?
26:43
Unknown: By her partner at the time.
26:47
So not your dad.
26:48
Not my dad, no.
26:49
Categorically not my dad, no.
26:51
To place on the record.
26:52
My mom and dad never had any violent problems or issues at all.
26:56
It was her partner at the time.
26:57
Unknown: So this partner's doing that to her.
26:59
And how was he living with you?
27:02
Unknown: Yeah, he was a father of my brother and sister.
27:04
And I ran next door and I mis dialed 9, 9, 9 'cause I was shaking so much.
27:07
I picked up the phone of my neighbor.
27:09
My neighbor was out, half the street was out, and I picked up the receiver.
27:14
And I went to, done 9, 9, 9.
27:16
And I hit the first two nines.
27:17
Okay? I was only 10.
27:21
I hit the first two nines and I missed the nine.
27:24
Unknown: Oh, Ian Stringer: the last one.
27:24
'cause I was shaking so bad and oh, oh my God.
27:26
Eventually I hit it and the police turned up and they arrested
27:29
him and he was charged and he plead guilty to common assaults.
27:32
That's not, it's not great.
27:34
It's not much fun and domestic violence.
27:39
Domestic violence is horrible to witness, and particularly when it's
27:42
somebody that you love, thank love.
27:45
Unknown: impossible.
27:46
That's impossible to even, especially as a child.
27:48
As a kid.
27:48
Yeah.
27:49
To see your mom being headbutted by her partner, that's gonna
27:53
rip through every emotion.
27:56
I don't even, the scars, the trying to come back from that, you'll never
28:02
forget something like that, I think.
28:03
Unknown: No. And I can see it now.
28:05
Yeah.
28:06
Now, right now.
28:07
I can see the second of impact and counseling helps.
28:13
Honestly, I've seen a counselor for five, six years and we've
28:19
gone through a lot of trauma.
28:20
We've gone through dealing with trauma.
28:23
We've gone through dealing with other people as their addictions and
28:30
they, it leaves scars, it leaves pretty big scars, and they're not very nice and.
28:36
There's different wounds on my body that are opened at
28:39
different times of the year, and
28:43
domestic violence is horrible.
28:45
I remember one night when there was so much drink involved, the night,
28:49
ultimately I left my mom's care.
28:51
'cause I took the decision when I was 13 to leave living with my mom.
28:55
I went and lived with my dad and.
28:58
What breaks my heart is I couldn't take my brother and
29:00
sister with me, so that was hard.
29:02
But there was a night in particular where
29:07
there was violence, there was alcohol, always alcohol.
29:10
It's meant to be really cool, but I never saw a good side to it.
29:13
Would you believe when I moved in with my dad was a Republican, so I lived in
29:16
pubs for the next four years of my life.
29:19
So I'm certainly not an advocate for, uh, for drink.
29:22
I've gotta say that.
29:23
But that night was horrible and it was around Halloween.
29:26
So around this time of year it comes back to me a little bit.
29:28
But ultimately as a 13-year-old boy, I dealt with it as best I could.
29:32
I got my brother and sister out of the car when a heavily intoxicated
29:35
person that had just been violent towards my mom was gonna drive us home.
29:39
And had he done so, that'd have been an accident, undoubtedly.
29:42
'cause he was so drunk.
29:43
And I did my best to protect my brother and sister.
29:45
And then in some ways, if she can.
29:48
Hear me or see me now.
29:49
I hope that she looks down and thinks
29:54
that he's learn from some of the traumatic things that he was put through
30:02
when he was a boy, and that's made him a better person and a better parent.
30:07
I, when I get to life T Junctions, I often run away or in the opposite direction too.
30:15
To where I've seen other people make mistakes as parents who want our
30:19
kids to learn from our mistakes.
30:20
Right.
30:21
I think God lover, I think I've learned from some of hers and hopefully made
30:25
better decisions for it because one thing's for sure, I'm a bloody good dad.
30:32
Unknown: It's good to be able to say that
30:34
Unknown: I am a, I'm an incredible father and I would
30:38
do anything for my children.
30:39
Mm. And I have an incredible relationship with them.
30:44
And actually that sometimes can be scary because as a parent, when you've lost
30:48
a parent, you know that ultimately one day that will happen to them as well.
30:52
And the stronger your bond, the harder it might be for them.
30:55
But, but yeah, I've got a great relationship with my kids.
30:58
Unknown: Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
31:02
Unknown: Amen, sister.
31:03
Unknown: That's what I would say to that.
31:05
Speaking to you and meeting you initially, you can feel that.
31:10
Guard up, backup, protective sort of air that you have.
31:16
I would say, if I may, that you have around you, you definitely have that.
31:20
You can understand why you've got that.
31:23
You can understand that it's there to protect you because of
31:25
the things that have happened.
31:28
You've lived through these things and it's made you more careful,
31:32
obviously, your childhood.
31:34
What happened with your mom, the way her partner treated her?
31:38
The media.
31:39
All these sorts of things, and it does come across.
31:42
I can feel that some things, that there is something more, let's say, if I may say it
31:50
at all, something more heavy and a little bit difficult that's happened there.
31:54
I think that I can certainly feel that coming from you.
31:59
It's nice to hear you open up and it's nice to understand
32:05
why really from you directly.
32:08
And I think it's quite something to be vulnerable and open about it.
32:12
It really is.
32:13
It's, I know that you say the counseling has helped you.
32:17
Unknown: I find it helpful, actually.
32:18
I will speak about my late mother on a semi-regular basis.
32:22
I'm ironically, I'm actually in Canary Wharf next week doing a, a keynote
32:26
speech about dealing with mental health and dealing with kind of adversity
32:31
that we've discussed today, and some of the coping mechanisms that I have.
32:36
Found and dealt with.
32:38
And I find it's helpful actually because I really hope, and I know this
32:41
is true, 'cause people, individuals can and do contact me, I just really
32:45
hope that it can have helped if you've helped somebody, if you've helped
32:49
one person, if one person reaches out and says, do you know I'm not okay?
32:53
And what we discussed today, I'm gonna do this, or What do you think I could do?
32:58
I'm not an oracle.
32:59
I can just tell what's helped me.
33:02
And if I may say.
33:05
What we've discussed today honestly does just offer context into my life, and it
33:12
would be easy to sit here and throw mud at the apprentice and what happened and to
33:16
throw mud about anything that's happened with my employment in between times.
33:19
And I understand why people are interested because salacious newspapers can and
33:24
have reported things and that's okay.
33:26
Just be careful what you read would be my advice to a lot of people, and
33:29
certainly be careful what you believe.
33:31
But the context in my life of some of the things that I've experienced mean that.
33:36
More potatoes, really.
33:37
Unknown: Let's go to another addiction that a lot of people have
33:41
that isn't so sinister, but is it sugar?
33:46
Not Lord.
33:46
Sugar.
33:47
Sugar itself.
33:50
Yeah.
33:50
So you and I were speaking about this earlier because I think let's just
33:53
speak, we've got a few minutes left.
33:54
So it's like recovery positive.
33:56
You're into exercise, you've run five marathons, you know
33:59
you're doing well in your career, you're into all the health stuff.
34:02
You're into not eating sugar.
34:04
So talk to me about, and you talk about controlling your chimp, let's
34:08
talk about controlling your chimp.
34:10
Let's talk about the right track sports.
34:13
No sugar, all that stuff.
34:15
Unknown: Yeah.
34:15
I, I believe I have my late mother's trait of addiction, but I think
34:18
that mine manifests itself in sugar.
34:20
I, I am really good at binging.
34:24
I, I can go, I'm good at abstinence, as you said earlier on.
34:31
Can you go without, the challenge is to go with, but monitor what you do
34:35
and that's what I can't do with sugar.
34:37
Mm-hmm.
34:38
So I have, I've been.
34:42
Three weeks now, I think, without consuming any sugar, which I'll go
34:46
in, in waves and that's not good.
34:48
It's not good for me.
34:49
I think I'm, I've accepted that.
34:50
I've, I'm an all or nothing.
34:52
Okay. Where do I get that from?
34:53
I wonder
34:54
Unknown: for those that dunno, you and I had a bit of a deal when
34:57
we were on our pre podcast call.
34:58
Can you give up sugar?
34:59
From the time we had this call, which is about that time until now, I'm a really
35:03
bad liar, so I'm just gonna tell you now.
35:06
I have been good except for birthdays, which we've had.
35:10
So on birthdays I've had cake.
35:12
I've had the biscuits for the birthday and possibly some chocolate for
35:16
the only related to the birthdays.
35:19
Okay. But there've been a few birthdays.
35:20
Yeah.
35:21
And when the cake was left over for the next day, because it was
35:24
connected to the birthday and it's my child, I can't be like, oh, I'm not.
35:28
I'm such a. Sugar, anti-sugar person.
35:31
I can't have cake, so that's rude.
35:32
So I might have had some of that cake.
35:37
What about you?
35:37
Go on.
35:38
What about you?
35:39
Unknown: Yeah, I find it hard.
35:40
I find it a challenge and I've come to the conclusion that actually my body really
35:44
enjoys not having refined sugar in it.
35:48
Unknown: Enjoys it.
35:50
Unknown: How is that enjoyable?
35:51
It enjoys, enjoys not having it.
35:53
Unknown: Right? So my
35:53
Unknown: body is healthier and tells me, gives me cues that
35:57
when you don't put this into me,
35:59
Unknown: yeah,
35:59
Unknown: I feel better.
36:01
Unknown: You do?
36:02
Unknown: Yeah.
36:02
Replace sugar with anything, by the way, replace what I've just said
36:05
with alcohol, with tobacco, with.
36:09
Cocaine, I don't know, whatever.
36:10
But my, for me it's sugar re Pure White and Deadly by John Jukin.
36:13
And you'll see the power and the extent of pure
36:16
Unknown: white and deadly,
36:17
Unknown: pure white and deadly, re pure white and deadly.
36:20
It's not talking about cocaine, it's talking about sugar.
36:23
And what I also try to do is try and keep fit and keep healthy if I can.
36:26
I've run 20 marathons in my life.
36:29
I ran five in five days for a charity.
36:31
That means a lot to me.
36:33
Unknown: Mad and
36:34
Unknown: yeah.
36:34
Yeah.
36:35
But it was interesting running in Bangkok.
36:39
On Tuesday, Hawaii, Wednesday, Alaska, Thursday, New York, Friday, Leicester
36:44
on Saturday, and doing a marathon in every one of those destinations.
36:48
Every day, sleeping on economy flights and just doing it again with
36:52
a good friend and managing to do it.
36:54
So I, I thoroughly enjoy running.
36:55
Running is my release, running is my drug.
36:58
Yeah.
36:58
And yeah, I love it.
37:00
I love it.
37:00
It's.
37:01
Unknown: I'm with you.
37:02
I think that's incredible, by the way, to do that.
37:04
What an, what A life experience.
37:06
Who can say that?
37:07
Not many people.
37:08
Thank you.
37:08
Um, I've, I feel like marathons probably aren't that healthy, so
37:12
I wouldn't push my body like that.
37:14
I love running.
37:15
I'll, I'll run eight and a half k comfortably on trails every day.
37:19
No problem.
37:21
But if you're talking about 42 kilometers mm-hmm.
37:23
It's 42 and a bit or something.
37:25
Is it? Ian Stringer: Yeah.
37:26
42.1, I think.
37:27
Yeah.
37:27
I just, how is that healthy?
37:29
Unknown: I just think it's a real test.
37:30
'cause it's only you.
37:32
But it's also you against your head.
37:33
You can read a little bit into that as well.
37:35
Unknown: Yeah.
37:36
On that, I, I had a bit of a health scare and, and it turned out, and that exercise,
37:42
'cause I, I am quite obsessive with things, so I became obsessive with the
37:47
whole exercise thing and I will do, I'll.
37:51
Push myself is like what you're saying.
37:52
'cause I'm like, come on, don't be a wimp and keep going.
37:55
Keep going.
37:55
Even though your body is saying maybe don't do that.
37:58
So I'm now through this health thing a bit more cautious.
38:03
What I do with exercise, I obviously, I'm still obsessed.
38:06
That will never change, but I'm a bit more mindful of.
38:11
The signals my body's sending me and be like, just watch that.
38:14
The whole David Goggins thing, I love that stuff.
38:16
Come on man.
38:17
I love that.
38:18
I love that whole control your mind thing, but at the same time, watch
38:21
out because your body could be sending you some little red flags there and
38:24
maybe you just need to also be a. Little bit, kind of maybe look into it.
38:29
Maybe don't completely go nuts with exercise.
38:31
That's just a personal lesson.
38:32
Unknown: No, I agree.
38:33
I think listening to your body's really important, and I think that's
38:35
an important message to ensure anybody that's exercising or is the other
38:40
end of the scale and isn't, and is needs to exercise and should or is
38:44
consuming too much of something.
38:46
Again, it goes back to fundamentally what I wish my mom would've done,
38:50
which is listen to her body.
38:51
Her body was saying, stop.
38:53
She didn't.
38:53
Yeah.
38:53
Your body when you're exercising might be saying, stop, and you
38:56
might need medical attention 'cause there might be an issue somewhere.
38:59
Exactly. I would always say, listen to your body.
39:00
You we're all blessed with this incredible biological feat of engineering.
39:05
It will. That's awesome.
39:06
Give you cue.
39:07
It will give you messages.
39:09
Listen to them, don't let them go unnoticed.
39:12
Unknown: Oh, Ian, it's been fantastic having you on.
39:15
Thank you so much for your honesty.
39:16
Thank you for being open with us.
39:18
Thank you for sharing your stories.
39:19
Thank you for.
39:20
Swerving around the stories that were crazy, didn't wanna approach.
39:24
I thank you for coming on and I'm sure that people will find meaning
39:28
in what we've discussed today.
39:30
Thank you.
39:31
Unknown: I hope so.