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595-The Drama We Create: Holding Ourselves Accountable · Spiritual Homegirl

• 0:00
  Hey, y'all.
• 0:00
  You're listening to another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast where we better self in spirit and make peace with the day through wisdom, education and practical, easy to follow tips.
• 0:08
  I am your host, Maria, your spiritual homegirl, who's also a mental health professional.
• 0:12
  And I wanted to.
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  I was initially going to share a vault episode that I did about a week ago and the audio was so distorted and I said that's a sign that that does not need to go out.
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  So what I do remember were my topics and I do want to talk about those things.
• 0:26
  So we're going to talk about a few things.
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  We're going to talk about the muscle of faith, being careful with who you engage in warf.
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  How sometimes we create our own drama.
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  Yes.
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  We're not going to spiritual bypass here.
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  We're not going to do that because, you know, as spiritual Homegirl, we never have been into spiritually bypassing, acting like we don't acknowledge the reality of the situation.
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  But we also don't make excuses and hide behind weird spiritual logic either, or weird logic disguised as spiritual logic.
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  So the first topic is the muscle of faith.
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  Right.
• 0:57
  So I said in the last episode that, that I released yesterday about how I've been in a mustard seed mindset and I'll talk about that a little more.
• 1:06
  But what I do want to say is that faith I've learned in my own journey.
• 1:09
  And again, this is all from a homegirl just like you perspective, somebody that's going through the journey day by day just like you, that has some education, some training, things like that.
• 1:18
  But for me, the muscle of faith has been a game changer for how I looked at my faith over the years and I look at faith as a muscle.
• 1:29
  And again, I'm only speaking to my own experience because that's the experience I know best.
• 1:33
  I can't speak for anybody else but me, but I've noticed that when I don't exercise or when I haven't exercised my faith, it gets weaker.
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  And I noticed that when I stay faithful, when I stay in the faith plus works mindset, when I actually do small steps and work towards the goal that I have, my faith actually increases because I know that I've
• 1:55
  doing what I can do as best I can within my control, and I'm letting God handle the rest.
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  Now, I know sometimes with spirituality, sometimes, you know, we kind of get a God complex and I say weeks.
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  I'm never above what I'm saying now.
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  Have I ever had a gun complex?
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  No.
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  But what I can Say is that some people will think that they can handle every single thing and that they can control the will of others and that anything they want, they can quote, unquote, manifest.
• 2:21
  And I hate to be that person, but when it comes to other people, you cannot manifest that.
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  You cannot make people do what you want them to do.
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  You cannot control the free will of other people.
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  No matter how many times you see people with accounts that selling products and services tell you otherwise.
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  You might be able to help your situation by maybe doing something with removing your blockages and things like that.
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  But once you start thinking that you can control the will, you get into dangerous territory.
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  Because at that point, if you truly believe and you truly think, and even for some, if you actually go out of your way to try to control the will of others and it comes out, there are some consequences
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  that you might not be able to handle.
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  So again, sometimes we.
• 2:56
  We will weaponize the spirituality against other people as if, oh, I can control your whole life, and I can do this and other.
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  And the problem with that is that we don't know who has those folks protected and covered.
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  Right.
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  And you have to be careful with who you decide to engage with warfare with, Whether it is for, quote, unquote, good reasons, whether it's a love spell, whether it's something.
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  Whatever it is.
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  Once you start going into that territory, you.
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  You know, you're.
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  You're going down a path that you can't really take back.
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  There's.
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  There's already things that are in motion that's going to have a consequence, whether good or bad.
• 3:30
  And whatever that is, you just have to be prepared for it.
• 3:32
  So going to the next topic that I had, the reason why I brought up the warfare thing was because I saw the super bowl performance from Kendrick, and I've been looking at all this stuff from the whole Kendrick
• 3:44
  Drake beef, and do I think that anybody's career is going to suffer forever for it?
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  No, I don't.
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  But do I see a great example to talk to y'all about how it's.
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  It's.
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  It's very important to be careful with who you decide to war with.
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  Absolutely.
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  And as somebody who used to have a bad temper, myself, I used to be of the mind where when I was younger, if somebody played with me or played in my face or disrespected me, I would go to
• 4:09
  the extreme just to make the point known that, you know, don't do that.
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  And if other people were around, I did very well with the audience.
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  So it was like, shoot, if there's an audience that'll see it, then maybe they'll think twice about not playing with me.
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  And for a lot of times, you know, it might be a situation where somebody might have tried me and they might have been over it, but I was not over it.
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  I was like, nope, I'm on your.
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  I'm on you.
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  I'm on you until I'm done.
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  You know, and what I'm seeing with this old Kendrick thing is it's the same thing.
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  And I'm not trying to.
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  You know, again, it's.
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  I'm not really into the details of it for the.
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  For the sake of this episode, but it's just more of an example of when you get involved into some kind of warfare and even spiritual warfare with somebody.
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  You have to be careful with who you decide to make your adversary, because you cannot control going back to that God complex.
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  You can't control how they respond, and you can't control when they're going to stop and you won't.
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  You can't control the ways in which they do it.
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  So that's why I'm saying, as the homegirl who loves you and wants to see you win, be very careful about who you engage with and how you engage with during this season of your life.
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  Or just in general, be very careful, because some.
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  The warfare can tire people out, and it could really hurt people.
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  And if you're not prepared for that, if you're not prepared for things around you to get shaken up or people around you to be shaken up, I would be very careful with how you.
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  How you deal with folks.
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  I would.
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  Now, this is not where I tell you what song to read.
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  This is not where I tell you what candles to burn.
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  This is not where I tell you that.
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  Because at the end of the day, you got to do what's best for you.
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  But before you even get involved with it, I would just say, be careful.
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  Now, what I will also say is that we have to also hold accountable, hold ourselves accountable with how we create our own drama.
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  A lot of times, we don't like to hold ourselves accountable.
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  I've noticed that.
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  I just look online and I just look at all the complaining, and I look at a lot of things.
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  I'm just like, we.
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  We just don't realize how we create our own problems sometimes.
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  And the thing about it is, there's nothing wrong with creating your own problems, because that's a part of life.
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  That's nothing that we're going to judge for.
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  But what it gets.
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  It gets weird when People just act like they don't know how you made a choice in that towel, you made a bad choice at that time, or you don't hold yourself accountable for previous things.
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  And you do a pattern of.
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  You have a pattern of things that you just keep doing.
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  And you don't really want to hold yourself accountable for the part you play.
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  You want to blame everybody else, or you throw the rock first and you hide behind religion and spirituality.
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  And you want people to have sympathy or empathy for you because you don't want to tell people that you actually are the cause of why you're going through what you're going through.
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  You just don't want to admit that.
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  Now, of course, we're not talking about trauma and abuse and things like that.
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  We're talking about drama, but not trauma.
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  And I've never been of the spiritual bypass mindset where people try to say, oh, you're going through abuse and trauma in your current life because of past life.
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  Like, I, I, I.
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  Who are you to even dictate that?
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  Every time I see that, I'm always like, where do y'all?
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  Where y'all sources at?
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  And it's usually like, it always trades back to some online blog page or some book written by one person who doesn't have any real evidence other than anecdotes to really support what they're saying about other people's life.
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  And people within the collective will seriously believe this and say, oh, because 5 million accounts or 5,000 or 50 accounts say the same thing.
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  It must be true.
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  That's my problem.
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  That's one big problem I have with social media spirituality is that that's how it'll go.
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  It's like a real nasty game of telephone.
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  And if it's repeated enough, and if it's repeated with enough conviction, then it's made to be true.
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  And this is like, child, please.
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  But we're not talking about trauma and abuse being something that you earned due to some kind of past life.
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  Whatever.
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  Now I can hear somebody saying, oh, well, there's some lessons you had to learn due to some past life things.
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  I can see that.
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  But just automatically saying that people earn abuse and trauma because of past life is like, y'all.
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  Y'all need to be for real.
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  Like, no, no, ma'am, no, sir.
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  No, no, no, no.
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  That's not going to work.
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  So, yeah, but when it comes to some of the drama, things that don't necessarily cut that deep, like a trauma or abuse, sometimes we do cause our own issues.
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  Sometimes we will ignore what our Intuition tells us, and we'll entertain somebody because of our flesh.
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  And then when they switch up, we're like, why?
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  Because that intuition was trying to tell you.
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  Or we'll get a sign from God and we'll.
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  You know, I've always looked at it at.
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  When you have multiple obstacles in the way they show up, it's all about how they show up.
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  Every time you try to make it work with this person, something always happening.
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  Every time you try to do this job or something, it's.
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  Something's always happening.
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  Every time you try to initiate a friendship with somebody, there's always some obstacle happening.
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  I always take it as at a certain point.
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  And again, this is also.
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  This is all subjected based on your experience and what you know to happen in your life.
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  For me, if there's too many obstacles in a certain way, because sometimes people will throw stuff at you too.
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  So you got to be careful with that.
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  And you gotta keep your protection up.
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  But sometimes, you know, sometimes it might not be meant.
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  And sometimes you have to fatfo.
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  And when you fatfo, you're like, oh, man.
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  That's what those obstacles are for.
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  They was trying to tell me, don't do it.
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  Don't do it.
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  Okay, I know.
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  Sometimes.
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  I know.
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  We talk, you know, about Valentine's Day and everything.
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  That could also apply relationships.
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  Now, for some people, there's a small percentage of folks where they have multiple obstacles and that person's running and that's.
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  They're always chasing, and they're like, you know what?
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  I finally got you.
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  I'm here.
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  We're here.
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  Sometimes it works out that way.
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  And then other times, it's somebody telling you literally to your face, hey, I'm not ready or I'm not built for this, or, you deserve better.
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  And you know what I've said in the past?
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  If somebody ever tells you deserve better, they're right.
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  Run.
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  Run for the heels.
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  Don't ever look back.
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  But sometimes we will force it because our flesh needs that.
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  Our desires, we want that.
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  They're attractive, they make a lot of money or they're stable or, you know, they're.
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  Or y'all already have gotten involved sexually, and now, you know, that's where you want to be.
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  And then we find out we invest time, energy, money, you know, a lot of.
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  A lot.
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  We invest a lot.
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  And then we're somehow left with the bag when they decide to leave.
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  And we're like, dang, like, why you do me like that?
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  And it's like, they did you that way because you probably weren't supposed to be with them.
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  And again, we're not talking about trauma and abuse, but when we force things and when we don't flow with the energy of what we're looking for, or we go against something that we know that is not necessarily what
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  we're looking for, but we don't want to be alone or we don't want to.
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  I'll talk about it in a job context in a minute, but, you know, or we'll make a friend with somebody where we know that there's a red flag.
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  Three, four red flags.
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  But, you know, we're trying to be graceful.
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  We're trying to be, quote unquote, spiritually enlightened.
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  We're trying to be non judgmental.
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  All this other foolishness.
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  And then when people do us exactly how we thought they didn't, it's like, oh, like, okay, I, I see where I may have played a part in this.
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  So sometimes we, we ignore things and sometimes we try to fake and perform spirituality only to, you know, kind of put ourselves in situations that could have been avoided.
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  Now, am I saying that you go around judging people now?
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  No, but discernment is a good spirit to have.
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  And we go against things that God literally gives us because again, our flesh wants what it wants.
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  Maybe we want to be friends with that person because they can connect us with opportunities.
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  Maybe we want to entertain this person because, like I said, don't want to be alone.
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  You're tired of being single.
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  Maybe we decide to force things on someone or give, you know, and I'm, and I'm gonna.
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  Again, when I say force things again, this is not in trauma and abuse, but sometimes we'll try to force the wheel and hope that they'll come around or hope that they, they choose us.
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  And then when they don't, then whose fault is it?
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  We'll blame everybody else but ourselves.
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  And that's the problem that we have in our society.
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  It's okay to admit that you made a mistake.
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  You messed up, you're in a situation because of your poor decision making.
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  It is what it is.
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  But you gotta, you gotta own that.
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  You gotta own it.
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  We all have to own it.
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  And the sooner we own things, I think the sooner that we can learn the lesson and we can move on with our life to apply the lesson, to do better the next time, but because we can't be wrong.
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  And I'm not sure if it's this, social media has a part in that, because we always like to look our best.
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  Like recently, my man, my man posted what he did for Valentine's Day, and I looked a hot mess, okay?
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  Had my scarf on.
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  I was out running errands.
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  It was cold.
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  I did not feel like taking my hair down.
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  I had on my glasses and a scarf looking busted, okay?
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  And as much as I wanted to be salty and be like.
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  And again, I don't like to share a lot about my relationship, but I will share for the sake of illustrating the point, because I think it's very much relevant.
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  But could I have been salty and been like, why did you present me this way in front of all these people?
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  No one.
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  I mean, shoot, I don't know who watching it.
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  You know what I'm saying?
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  His story like that, you know, it could have been anybody.
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  But do I get salty because he has presented me in what I might think is a aesthetically.
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  Aesthetically negative light?
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  Or do I show appreciation that, you know, there's somebody who I can trust that will share those things because that's what he wants to do in terms of, you know, just saying, hey, this is what I wanted to
• 13:17
  do.
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  This is a part of my life.
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  I don't share much, but this is what I wanted to share.
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  It's not about me.
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  It's not about my feelings about that.
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  It's not about those type of things.
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  But if I just probably took my hair down, I probably would have been tripping, you know what I'm saying?
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  Like, did nobody tell you to go out looking busted?
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  Girl, you ain't know if he had something planned for you when you got back.
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  You got to be prepared sometimes.
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  So, you know, it's just little things like that where sometimes even at the most, the smallest thing, sometimes it's just we don't consider all circumstances.
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  We just consider our own.
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  And it's not always like that in the human experience.
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  So that's another thing I wanted to bring up.
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  And is there anything else?
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  I can't think of anything else.
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  Oh, I hope.
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  And I'll add this on, because this wasn't in the topic list last week because Valentine's Day hadn't happened yet.
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  I know everybody has their own meaning of these days, right?
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  But what I will say is because the.
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  The first holiday season passed with Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's and things like that, Valentine's Day is now passed.
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  At this point, any type of potential family events will probably be, what, Easter, Memorial Day?
• 14:29
  If you're seeing somebody and you know that there's something big that you need to tell them or, you know, that you don't see a future with that person, but they see a future with you.
• 14:42
  Either you need to tell them whatever it is that you have not had the conversation with previously or you need to set them free now.
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  I would have said this a week ago if it had been on my mind, but it wasn't on my mind and I haven't seen so many come coming as a woman post on the Instagram in terms of people
• 15:01
  having bad Valentine's Day or mess or things like that.
• 15:04
  But what I can say is that to avoid further drama if you have spent the holidays with them folks and you know deep down in your heart that you don't want to be with them.
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  I I probably should have said this last episode on the Monday before, but if you know you don't see a future with them, set them free.
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  Stop wasting on people time.
• 15:25
  Stop wasting their time.
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  Again, stop wasting their time.
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  Because again, going back to our flesh and our desires and what we want.
• 15:33
  Stop messing with these people because you're bored and you need comfort, or you need a desire to be fulfilled in your pants or you need to feel like somebody wants you.
• 15:44
  Stop wasting people's time.
• 15:48
  And if you're hiding something from somebody, or you're hiding that you're dating other people, or you're hiding something that you need to tell your person, even if y'all locked in, you might be casually dating, you might be locked
• 15:58
  in if you're hiding something from them.
• 16:00
  Please understand the longer you wait to have the conversation, the worse it's going to be.
• 16:05
  So as your hunger who loves you and wants to see you win?
• 16:07
  I usually do communication content around the holidays.
• 16:10
  My apologies for the lateness.
• 16:12
  It still applies.
• 16:13
  Please have the conversation sooner then later.
• 16:18
  Take your selfish desires out of it.
• 16:20
  Stop worrying about what you're gonna lose at the end of the day if you choose.
• 16:24
  Again, we choose our own drama.
• 16:26
  When you choose to hide things from people that need to know it, you put yourself in a situation to where you are going to be a person that is unsafe and can't be trusted.
• 16:36
  I've been there.
• 16:38
  I'm selling.
• 16:38
  That's why I speak a lot about communication.
• 16:41
  You can't build something with someone or you can't entertain something even if you don't want to build with them.
• 16:47
  If you're hiding things, you cannot sit here and expect to be a quote unquote good person or a person that moves in quote unquote good intentions.
• 16:55
  If you can't even tell the person that you're dealing with that you don't want to be with them like that.
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  You don't see a future.
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  You don't want to marry them.
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  You don't want to get engaged.
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  You're not dating to get married.
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  You're dating because you want to have fun and you're vibing around.
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  Please stop spending holidays and building and spending more time and investing more time and energy with these folks and allowing them to invest in you, knowing that you don't want the long term with them.
• 17:19
  Don't be that person.
• 17:21
  My boo friends don't do that.
• 17:22
  My boo friends will have conversations even if it's hard.
• 17:24
  My boo friends will understand at the end of the day that they owe it to themselves from a character standpoint, and they owe it to the people that they're dealing with to be honest with them.
• 17:36
  Please be honest.
• 17:37
  I know it's hard, but be honest.
• 17:39
  I know all the social medias want to tell you to be toxic and everything like that.
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  It's not cute.
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  It's not.
• 17:47
  It's not cute.
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  It's not fun.
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  It's not.
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  It's not approval.
• 17:50
  It's not.
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  It's not whatever you think it is.
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  Just because a bunch of people do it, don't make it right.
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  Find a way, whatever you got going on where you're like, dang, I act like this because I need to actually heal something within myself.
• 18:00
  Go get that healing first.
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  Don't drag nobody else into your mess.
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  It's not fair.
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  It's not.
• 18:05
  Am I saying you got to be perfect before you date or entertain other people?
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  Absolutely not.
• 18:10
  I'm not saying that we all gonna come with a little something.
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  That's just the way we are as humans.
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  Just.
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  It just is what it is.
• 18:15
  Nobody's going to be 100 healed.
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  Healing is a journey, not a destination.
• 18:20
  But am I saying that you should avoid bringing people into a mess where you know that they could get hurt because you have not handled it?
• 18:28
  Absolutely.
• 18:29
  Absolutely.
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  I think you owe it to other people to save them from yourself.
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  If you are a person that needs to be saved from.
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  From your own self, okay, don't get other people involved in that.
• 18:40
  That ain't cool.
• 18:41
  But yeah, as a homegirl loves you and wants to see you win, that is my usual conversation talk.
• 18:45
  I apologize for the lateness.
• 18:47
  But you know, again, better late than never.
• 18:50
  So with that being said, don't forget to tap in with your girl.
• 18:53
  The first link in my show notes.
• 18:55
  That's my podcast listener survey.
• 18:57
  You get a free gift for completing that.
• 18:59
  Also, don't forget you get a free gift for joining my email list with the second link in my show notes, please follow me everywhere on social media and YouTube and other platforms.
• 19:07
  I'm spiritual Homegirl everywhere and if there is a spiritual hunger, let me know so I could shut that account down.
• 19:11
  Because ip.
• 19:13
  So with that being said, y'all know I can't do any podcast episode without thanking you all for listening.
• 19:18
  So thank you for listening, Boo friend.
• 19:19
  Out of the tens and thousands of podcasts out there in podcast land since 2016.
• 19:24
  Oh, that's eight and a half years.
• 19:26
  That is crazy.
• 19:27
  Y'all been rocking for this long.
• 19:28
  But thank y'all.
• 19:29
  Y'all.
• 19:30
  Y'all need to be your ears for the last almost 600 episodes and I really appreciate that.
• 19:35
  So with that being said, I will catch you on the next episode.
• 19:38
  So this has been another episode of the Spiritual Homegirl podcast.
• 19:41
  My name is Maria, your spiritual homegirl.
• 19:43
  And remember, boo friends, trust the journey, trust yourself, and whatever you do, do it with love.
• 19:47
  Okay?
• 19:48
  Love y'all.
• 19:48
  Peace.