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Your Voice Doesn't Disappear | It Gets Silenced · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I genuinely feel like social media is... Thought leaders or influencers will tell you, just be yourself. And you then blend it perfectly with humor. I don't plan the reactions. I don't write any jokes. And I think that's why it is so captivating and fun to watch. There's that spontaneity there. You can be authentic without being offensive.
• 0:19
  You know, I do think that women are kind of at the forefront of cancel culture. It doesn't matter what I do or how nice I am. It might not matter in the end, because if the hate campaign decides to come for you, you're kind of out of luck. You don't wrestle with a pig because you'll just get muddy and the pig will love it. I created a community that I wish I had growing up. And I genuinely do love my audience so, so, so much. I feel like we're all the weirdos that have just found each other. It's why I've been doing this for so long, because they really do make me happy.
• 0:48
  With over 1.5 billion, with a B, views, Charlotte has built one of the most loyal and laughter-filled communities on the internet, using humor to tackle love, lies, and life's hardest moments. Let's get into it. Charlotte, before the 1.5 billion views and the savage comebacks, who were you?
• 1:14
  Who was I? I was a struggling actor that would take pretty much any job someone threw at her, as long as it was in entertainment. Where'd you grow up? I'm from Calgary, Alberta. So you're Canadian, eh? I'm Canadian, eh?
• 1:33
  I'm from Detroit and I love Canadians. We used to run over there for Thanksgiving before everything was open and we would drink when we were 19. So I love Canada. I love that. Right, because the drinking age is only 19 here. Correct. That just doesn't make sense to me. You just go over the border and then – yeah.
• 1:54
  It's a lot like COVID, though, if you remember. It's like, how does COVID not go across borders? Here in Michigan, we just go to Ohio, and it was wide open. I flew down the floor. It's how I ended up in the house in Florida.
• 2:06
  Tell us a little bit more about you and your background. You're massive. You have a massive following. Oh, thank you. How did this all start? Okay. So, yeah, like I said, I'm a trained actor. I have a university degree in theater. I went to New York Film Academy for acting. And then I kind of came to Toronto because there was no industry in Calgary where I'm from. They film a few things like Fargo, The Last of Us, Heartland. There's only like three shows that film out there.
• 2:36
  Um, so it was my decision to just sort of move to Toronto on a whim. Um, and then, yeah, I, when I said that, like, I was literally taking like any job I could that was in entertainment, like I really was like trying everything. Um, I was submitting myself to like Craigslist ads, like putting myself in like really awkward situations.
• 2:57
  kind of uncomfortable and like unsafe situations because it was like modeling. If you catch my drift and like, you know, it was, it was all fine, but like, realistically, like I could have gotten in like trouble, like quite easily because I had never met these people before. There was nothing, no background checks or anything. And I was doing, you know, little short films here and there, like whatever commercials I could get, um, yeah.
• 3:22
  And then slowly started to build up a repertoire as an actor. I finally got an agent and I was doing, you know, lots of commercials. I did quite a few commercials on the come up. And then I really needed like a full-time job because the commercials, you know, just like weren't paying enough. So I got a job as a host for a YouTube channel and it was the one job that I could get that would like allow me to go to auditions. Like I would go...
• 3:47
  In the morning before work, I'd have an audition or two, and then I'd go to work for four hours, film like three videos for this YouTube channel, go to an audition on my lunch break, go back to work. And then after work, I would have more auditions. So it was the one job that kind of like allowed me to do what I still wanted to do.
• 4:07
  And then, yeah, that was kind of like going in the direction that it was going in. Obviously, I was starting to burn out. And then COVID hit. And I had tried to start my YouTube channel a few times before that. And, you know, it's like you're starting a new venture. It's like there's always something else you'd rather be doing. And, like, you'll do the first video and it does okay. And you do another one and it's not so good. And then, you know, after a while, you're like, I don't really want to put time into this. Yeah.
• 4:34
  But with COVID, you just you didn't really have an excuse not to anymore. And I definitely built up. I think I had been working at this YouTube channel for five years at the time. So people kind of like knew who I was based on that. So I did kind of have like a bit of a foot in the door. And so when I started to post on my own, it was like, OK, people knew me from this other channel. Like, let's go see what she's about.
• 4:58
  And like on her own. And yeah, I ended up posting like, you know, one video a week, three videos a week. And then within six months, I was able to quit that YouTube hosting job. And then just I'm doing that ever since. So you have two point, almost 2.4 million subscribers on YouTube. Where was the point that at hockey stick?
• 5:19
  Um, so the first six months were obviously, um, exponential. Like I was not expecting it to take off. I think I gained a hundred thousand subscribers within the first four months. And then, um, I was out earning on my YouTube channel, like, what?
• 5:36
  exponentially like out earning what I was making at my full time job. And so I kind of had to take a bit of a leap of faith and just sort of take the risk with that. And then there was another really big spike and it was when I started to do like bride Zillas and wedding content.
• 5:53
  Um, the first bridezilla video was like, I think I gained, I was gaining like 10,000 subscribers a day after that. And I just kept doing wedding videos. Um, and I still do wedding videos like at least once a week now. So the, the wedding thing was pretty, pretty crazy for me. Was that the first viral hit that you got when you were doing a bridezilla? Yeah.
• 6:15
  I think so, yeah. Yeah, either that or like entitled people or – Yeah, I was doing the reaction stuff. Like I tried a bunch of different things and reactions just ended up being what worked, what people wanted to see from me. So yeah, I feel like that was like the first really, really big like I got on the trending page type of success, yeah. So the average listener – we have a lot of –
• 6:43
  entrepreneurs and why would they need to be on YouTube and how would it help their business? Just an average Joe who owns maybe a car wash. Why would it be important? And how do you then adapt your point of view to help them grow their internet reach, so to speak?
• 7:02
  Well, I just, I genuinely feel like social media is like, if you're not on it, you're missing out. It's free advertising at the end of the day. And, um, not only that, but you get to know the person behind the business and not just, you know, this like faceless business. Um, and I do feel like people are putting a lot of trust in like people as opposed to like corporations now. Um, yeah.
• 7:27
  So number one, it's really fun and it allows for like a creative outlet. And, um, yeah, it's just, it's just a really fun thing to do. I, I've been doing it for 10 years and I still find it fun. Um, very fun actually. And, um,
• 7:44
  Yeah, I just I just genuinely feel like it's free advertising. It's a way for you to be creative. If it works out, then awesome. It could be like this other separate income. And maybe, you know, you could if it starts out earning, you know, the way it did with me, your full time job, maybe that could be your full time job or it could supplement your income either or. But I think if you aren't on social media and you have a business, I think genuinely you're you're missing out.
• 8:11
  You're missing out on potential customers, potential reach, free advertising, and just like joy, creativity and joy and having fun.
• 8:22
  I went down the rabbit hole of your social media earlier and I'm looking at, no, no, no. It's beautiful. And you're authentic. You're tremendously authentic. And that's what I, and everybody, anybody that you talk to that are thought leaders or influencers will tell you just be yourself. And you then blend it perfectly with humor and it just feels so natural and,
• 8:46
  How do you balance that? And then how does the listeners of the heart of the light podcast do this? I just said, before we hit record, I was talking to Steven, our producer. And I said, there's something that just holds me back from ripping what I really want to say. What would your advice be to the, to the listener? And to me that just says, I'm about this most authentic person you can be. But some of my authenticity is like Goggins where it's like, dude, there's something wrong with you.
• 9:15
  Hey, me too. Like, literally me too. Like, there's certain things that I have to be like, okay, maybe I shouldn't – let's dial it back and not say that. You know what I mean? But, yeah, like, I would just say, like, I don't plan anything. I plan the stories, like, the titles, and, like, I craft the videos so that, like, it's interesting to watch. But, like, I don't plan the commentary. I don't plan the reactions. I don't write any jokes. Yeah.
• 9:42
  And I think that's why it is so captivating and fun to watch. There's that like spontaneity there. And I just genuinely feel like if you've been on the internet for as long as I have, you just start to know like, okay, maybe this is not the best thing to say. Maybe there's a way of kind of saying this that's like not as mean. Or, you know, maybe there's a way of, you know, crafting this so that it's like,
• 10:08
  this sort of response so that it's like more thoughtful. And there's always like a positive side because like what you put out there, you get back. Right. So I think it's very important, like your delivery and how you choose to craft your responses and craft the content that you're making. I do think it's important to kind of like,
• 10:28
  You know, have a filter, but like also try to find the bright side in things. You don't have to go on a tangent and say something that's totally offensive. That's not necessarily being like authentic. I wouldn't I wouldn't regard that as being authentic. I would just say.
• 10:45
  you can be authentic without being offensive. You know, is that what you're asking me? Yeah. Which topic, which topic do you, resonates with you the most truthfully? Like not the ones that, that, that go viral, like the bridezilla, maybe it is the bridezilla. So what is it that, that lights you up when you talk about, like, I love dating and relationships because I think the world needs lots of love. Yeah. And all of our dating. And even though that's, that's what started the brand.
• 11:11
  But they go viral every time when I talk about it. What do you like talking about? Honestly, the same. Right before you said dating and relationships, I also was thinking that. Just because I had such a hard time with it. And I feel like everyone has a hard time with it. Why? Yeah.
• 11:28
  It's just – it's tough out there, man. Like there's – I think it has to do with the infinite choices and there's always – The appearance of infinite choices. Infinite choices, but it creates – it's called the paradox of choice where if there's too many choices, you won't make a choice. And then that results in you kind of thinking that there's always something better out there and with so many options at our fingertips –
• 11:54
  Yeah, it's just like you always wonder if there's something better out there. And I really struggled, like really, really struggled. Like there's videos of me complaining about guys like thinking I'm going to be alone forever. And, and then obviously I met my husband, Mike, like four or five years ago, and everything changed after that.
• 12:12
  But I like talking about it because I think that I can add something to the conversation where it's like, I'm not like a man hater, you know, like there are good guys out there. And like, I want people to feel like it's not totally horrible. And if I can help them kind of continue on this path of like standing up for themselves and not accepting less and like really believing in like love, then I will, I will do that. Tell us how you met Mike. And I'm sure it's on your social media, but I didn't go way down. Tell us how you met him and where you met him and why him.
• 12:42
  So we met through a person who is now my sister-in-law, actually, because she was dating his brother. She was a friend of mine. We'd known each other for 10 years. And I met her boyfriend at the time, now husband. And I was like, you're like, you're really cool. Like...
• 12:59
  you're like a nice guy. Like you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Like you treat women well. Like, do you have any brothers? Just offhand, like, you know, something that you would say when you meet someone cool. And he's like, actually, I do have a brother. I have three. And one of them is single. And he showed me a picture of Mike and I thought he was really cute. He was wearing this like
• 13:19
  Christmas sweater. And like, Mike is very big about Christmas. He loves Christmas so much. And he just looked like a really like, nice dude. Anyway, so throw that away. You know, I was like, okay, maybe maybe in the future. Went to Mexico for a month did like all manner of like horrible things dated literally everybody. And then I was just like, you know what, I'm never gonna, I'm never gonna
• 13:42
  set myself down on a path for just to be discarded again. Like I just genuinely felt like after that experience, I was like, I'm never going to allow someone to send me like a you up text, never to like, kind of, you know,
• 14:00
  Disrespect me in a way that's like, okay, I'm not interested in dating you. I'm just interested in like the physical aspect. So after I started having that mindset, I just stopped entertaining anyone who would behave that way to more me toward me. And then Mike pretty much walked into my life like right afterward. And even with him, I was like, yeah, like he's nice.
• 14:22
  Um, we went on a double date. I was like, yeah, he's nice. He's cute. But like, either he takes me out on a date and like pays for it and courts me or I'm not interested. Um, and I had never done that before. Like I was always the like 50, 50, like, no, like, it's okay. Like, I'll just, you know, I'll just like, I don't know. I don't want him to think like, blah, blah, blah. You know, I was dating to marry at that point. And it's like, to me, if you want to invest in a relationship, like the guy at the beginning, I do think that he needs to like step up and like.
• 14:51
  pay for a date, court, you know, do all of those things so that you kind of set the tone for the relationship. And then, yeah, I mean, I think it definitely did set the tone because I married him.
• 15:02
  It looked like a beautiful wedding in Italy. What were the top three icks? And I don't know how we're turning this. We're going to get into your swipe life and all of the amazing things about you. But I just, again, I love dating and relationship. What were your top three icks when you were dating? And since you, I'm assuming this was in Toronto, California.
• 15:23
  Yeah. Okay. It was, yeah. I mean, it was, you know, like Victoria. I went to school in Victoria. I went to New York. I was around. I've been around. I've dated a lot. So what are my top three? Ix? Like dating Ix? Yeah, what were the – I don't want to say red flags. Ix. Like if you've dated a lot around – I want to say this because we're about 65%, 70% male right now. We're working on bringing some more females into this. And so fellas, she's going to tell you from a beautiful woman's perspective. Yeah, she's taken. Yeah.
• 15:51
  But she's going to tell you the things that I've told you in all my Thursday podcast episodes. You want better, become better. You'll attract better. And you want somebody that has boundaries and standards that says no more often because she loves herself. So tell us about some of the terrible Toronto dating.
• 16:13
  So I would say, like, number one, and I think that this is more of a miscommunication because I think that, like, I think it came from a place of, like, they really wanted to impress me. But being on a date and not being asked a single question, like, feeling like I was...
• 16:31
  interviewing someone or they were auditioning for me, like it was so common to like literally just feel like I barely spoke on a date and like they genuinely were not in. And I'm a pretty like interesting, funny person. Like if you let me talk, like I feel like I could be like pretty entertaining and fun and like,
• 16:51
  To me, it's like if you're not asking me any questions, it's just like you're on a date with yourself. So it was more often than not, honestly, that I would be on a date and I would not be asked any questions. The guy would just go on and on about himself. And then the date would be over. He'd be like, oh, my God, that was like really great. Like, we should do this again. Of course. Like, what do you mean? I literally didn't speak.
• 17:11
  That's the science of people love talking about themselves. So when you talk about yourself all the time, you think it's the best thing in the world. Guys, seek to be interested instead of interesting. For sure. And a balance, right? Like it's definitely a balance. I obviously do want to hear about you too.
• 17:26
  too, but there needs to be like a balance in the conversation. Like I asked you a question, what about you? Like, you know, you asked me the same question back, or then you follow up the next question with like, you know, a different question. Like it's just, I feel like people don't know how to have conversations anymore. Um, so that was like one major ick that quite frankly, just sort of felt like to me, like you weren't that interested in me in general, if you'd
• 17:49
  didn't really care to ask me any questions. You weren't interested in my life, um, or who I was or my values or what I was interested in. Like that to me just meant that you just weren't interested in me in general. So, um, that was it number one. Oh God, I got to think about it. It can number two, I would say like, um,
• 18:09
  hygiene. I knew you were going to say that. I don't want to correct you. I didn't want to say, is it hygiene? Like, Oh, tell me like, what was the worst experience? I'm sorry. I just, I like geek it out about this. That was funny.
• 18:24
  Yeah, honestly, like Mike has a better hygiene routine than I do. Like he uses better products than me. And it made me want to like care more too. Like I take a shower like every single night. Yeah, like teeth brushing for sure. Not brushing the teeth. And then, yeah, just like in general, not showering, I feel like is something that's
• 18:55
  then we give it credit for like not showering at least, you know, once a day and then going out on a date and like not smelling nice. And then like, inevitably you hook up with that person and it's like, okay, this is, this is gross. Oh my gosh. So yeah. Don't be smelly down there fellows. No, just like take care of yourself. You know what I mean? Like, especially if you're going on a date that's, you know, consider it for the other person.
• 19:20
  I've seen pictures of Mike. He's very handsome. Were you – be authentic and be real. Were you a little intimidated or nervous? No, he was actually so shy when we met. He's a very shy man. Once you get him talking, he doesn't shut up. But even his mom says that. But no, he's like – he's very shy until he feels like he's safe. I felt like I talked a lot.
• 19:44
  We actually talked so long that we closed the restaurant on our first date. Like we were there until like midnight. We're the last table. But yeah, no, I wasn't intimidated. I actually felt like I could genuinely be myself. Like I was even talking about stuff I really should not have been talking about on a date. Like I was talking about how I like shit my pants into loom and like –
• 20:06
  Like all these like – I know. All right, now we're getting into some good stuff. No, literally like I'd be talking about how I ate oysters and like shit my pants on my first date with Mike. And then I mean I think that it just sort of opened the floodgates because he's also a poop humor kind of guy. Who isn't? Yeah. I mean some people are kind of turned off. I think the funniest thing in the world is watching an animal poop. Yeah.
• 20:29
  Stay away from my dog. I don't know what's wrong with me. No, no, no. You're good. You're good. Poop is funny. Poop is a funny thing. And like, I think in any other circumstance, if I wasn't so comfortable, like I probably wouldn't have said what I said, but like we were dying laughing. Like we thought it was so funny. And like he was sharing stories too. And like it, I genuinely feel like when you meet the right person, you are comfortable.
• 20:56
  You are not like, you're not like, it's easy. Yeah. It's just like, it just flows. Like you feel safe. Um, you know, there's studies to suggest that you actually feel tired around like your person because you feel safe enough to fall asleep around them and you feel like at ease. Um, obviously if they bore you, that's another thing, but like, you know, it's just, you feel like you can be yourself and you don't have to like filter yourself or like perform or, um,
• 21:23
  Any of those things that you would argue are like, oh, it's butterflies. Oh, she gives me butterflies. Oh, she makes me nervous. I don't know if that's an indication that she's right or he's right. No. That means it activates your nervous system. It means run. Yeah. Exactly. You're on fight or flight. You feel like you're not safe at all. Anyways, that's how I felt for me. That's what I felt. Did you hit – so you said you met him –
• 21:50
  five years ago, you just got married three months ago. So did you ever hit a wall where it was like, hey, your insecurities were hitting each other and you had to actually come closer and be vulnerable and communicate and work through that? Totally. And we still talk about regularly communicate, regularly have these conversations. And I think it's also super important to
• 22:21
  just be careful about like criticizing your partner too much. You know, like giving each other a break is super important. And I think, you know, sometimes men misconstrue the criticism as like we're nagging when really we're fighting for the relationship. So I think having like just making sure that your tone is like, my love, would you mind taking out the garbage? Yeah.
• 22:45
  I would really appreciate it. I love you so much. You know, like just like just saying it in a way that like positive reinforcement is kind of like a dog. You know what I mean? Like kind of like a dog. You're like, good boy. And I'm just kidding. Thank you for that. I needed to hear that. I'm not kidding you. My girlfriend just told me this weekend. She's like, you're right.
• 23:03
  But your tone is all wrong. Right. Yeah. I think. Totally. And I think that, you know, you're getting into a relationship with someone, you know, they're different. You're different. You're going to like butt heads over things. But I think let's skip the like fighting and like wanting to be heard. And like, I just wish you didn't say it that way. And just say it in a way that's like from a place of like love and.
• 23:27
  And of, you know, like not constant criticism, right? Like giving each other a break is important too. You don't need to like point out every single little thing, finding the humor in it. So like we have this little thing where like I always forget to close the bathroom door and he always makes fun of me for it, right? He's like, why can't you just close the bathroom door? Like it's kind of like a door that's like a jar and it like kind of takes up a lot of space in our living room.
• 23:50
  Anyways, I've never had to close the door before in my life. And I am working on it, okay? I'm working on the door. But he'll bug me about closing the door. And then I'll look at him and I'll look at the dishes that he hasn't done. And I'll be like, you want to be perfect before you criticize me? You know, that kind of thing. You're just like, you make a joke out of it. You know? Without the nagging. So my girlfriend and I, we laugh about...
• 24:16
  how much she poops. She's going to kill me for saying that. But we laugh. And I know, and it happens to be, because we have a long distance relationship. A lot of times I'll be FaceTiming her. I'm like, are you going to poop right now? She's like, shut up. And we laugh. It's the poop that binds us. Yeah. I digress. But it'll be when we're together, I'll go barging in the bathroom and I'll be like, did I catch you pooping? But she's always pooping though. So when are you supposed to catch her? Like she's always pooping.
• 24:47
  We catch her in between. In between the poops, mid poop. I'd imagine since you have such a massive following, a massive digital presence that there's some hardships being a woman and being with a, you said it, a shy person. What's the hardest part about being a woman with this massive digital presence?
• 25:10
  I would say, and like sometimes it's really hard to say if it's just women or if it's just being a creator in general. But I do feel like women get criticized a lot more harshly. I do think that women are kind of at the forefront of cancel culture. Like I try not to like, whenever I see there's like a hate campaign going on about a particular celebrity or influencer or whatever.
• 25:35
  Or something like that. Like, I don't always like buy into it because it just feels like mean girl, like dogpiling to me. And then like more often than not, you know, it comes out that like everybody was just kind of like jumping the gun and like there was a big miscommunication, but that did a ton of damage to the person's reputation. Yeah.
• 25:55
  Um, and you know, the media has the ability to do that, right? Like, you know, people all jump on the hate train and like, you know, people want clicks and you know, before you know it, it's the snowball that gets out of control. And so I really do have sympathy for women in the media because sometimes I just feel like the dog piling is just, and I've experienced the dog piling too, not to that degree. Um, obviously there's so many nice things that people say in that, you know, um, I don't get it that often, but when I do get it, it does feel, um, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's
• 26:24
  Like, it doesn't matter what I say. I'm just, they're just, it's kind of like fighting with, like, it's like fighting with someone that just will not accept your apology. Like, no matter what you say. Like, everything that you do is wrong. You're this, like, evil, you know, like, witch that, like, it's a witch hunt, right? So, it does feel kind of like...
• 26:47
  disempowering to feel like it doesn't matter what I do or how good I am or how nice I am. It might not matter in the end because like if someone, you know, if the hate campaign decides to come for you, the witch hunt decides to come for you, you're, you're kind of shit out of luck. You know what I mean? Like it is what it is. So I do, I do, um,
• 27:13
  Yeah, that's probably one thing that just frustrates me the most, I think. Like, it doesn't really matter, like, how good of a person I try to be. Or, you know, if people create this opinion about you, they're going to create this opinion about you. And then it just, like, it just gets out of control and there's not much you can do. And, like, even if you apologize, they don't accept your apology. So, yeah, it's a hard spot to be in. And I do think that, like, there's this mentality of, like, high school kids.
• 27:40
  Like you're not in the cool group anymore. Like we're going to ostracize you because that's kind of what it is. Like from a sociology standpoint, like you can't like when you decide that someone is like unsafe, like,
• 27:51
  you ostracize them from society, right? That's the way of like keeping society safe. The witch, the witch hunt, you create, oh, she's terrible, she's this bad person, she must be evil, and then you ostracize her from society. So yeah, I do see that happen a lot and I always sympathize with, especially female creators who have to deal with it on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes I look at comment sections of like female creators or celebrities and like the vitriol that people...
• 28:22
  say to these women that they don't even know is just like, it's like, wow, this is crazy to me. Yeah. No, I see it. It's sad. And you sound like a person who's done a lot of work on yourself. Thank you. I'm hearing a really calm nervous system. And obviously you weren't always that way because you said you dated around and usually that's someone who's working through some things. So how do you protect your nervous system differently?
• 28:50
  in today's world that's built for burnout and built to tear you down. Totally. So I, I am, obviously I go in waves, like I'm feeling very at peace right now, but like a couple of months ago, I was not, I was very much at this like stage where I was just like, I don't know if I could do this, you know? And I go through that like, like a once or twice a year, like I get, um,
• 29:13
  You know, the criticism gets to be like too much for me. And so, but one thing that I have been practicing like recently, rather than just like looking at the comments and like really fixating on the negative ones, I'll go into a video with like a lot of positivity.
• 29:30
  And I won't just like read the positivity. I will like go in and like craft thoughtful responses where, you know, I tell that commenter that I'm grateful for them. Like they might tell me that they're struggling with something. I might offer them like a piece of advice. I might like write some jokes or something like that.
• 29:50
  Because that, I think, just reading it I don't think is enough. I think that you need to actually go in and really resonate with that gratitude of, wow, I really made this person's day. Let me take time out of my day to respond to that person. And I have found that it really does help me switch that brain from fight or flight, everybody's after me, everybody hates me, to...
• 30:15
  Okay, like maybe it's not so bad. Like maybe I am like making a difference. Like maybe I am making some people like happy. It might not be everyone like, but you know, at least there's a few more than a few. Um, and I think that has really helped me get out of that mindset, actually taking up mental space to be grateful and to express that, um, gratefulness and gratitude to the people that appreciate me.
• 30:44
  What about the people that are mean and negative? How do you get through that? Because as big of a following as you have, you've got to have a lot of vitriol.
• 30:52
  Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I'll step, I like to say I step in doo-doo, where sometimes I'll express an opinion that not everybody agrees with. And then, you know, there's sometimes where I'll look at it and I'll be like, oh, yeah, I mean, I could see where they're coming from. And sometimes I'm like, I don't, I don't really see the issue here. Like, I, you know, maybe, yeah, like, it's just hard to gauge. And at the end of the day, it's just really hard to respond and do it in a way that's going to make everybody happy.
• 31:20
  Um, so if it's something that's within my control, I will, you know, like talk to my team about it. I'll be like, okay, like maybe going forward, like we can avoid talking about this kind of thing or like maybe, you know, we can, um, address it in some way or like, you know, behind the scenes, but in general, like it doesn't help to, um,
• 31:41
  Talk to an audience that's already mad at you. I genuinely like I do think that things have to like calm down a little bit because like I said, you know, they're just they're mad. And, you know, they they decided you're the person that they're mad at today. And, you know, it's not me not caring. It's just like, OK, like maybe there's a way that I can change things.
• 32:01
  behind the scenes and like take on that feedback. Like it doesn't have to be something that's like, fuck you. You don't know anything, right? Like, like I'll take the feedback, like I will. And I'll adjust my behavior or, you know, just adjust, like, you know, try to change my thinking. It's not always helpful to like go in and like apologize the way that they're demanding you to. But I think that it is important to take the feedback. And, you know, if there is room for improvement, then take the feedback.
• 32:31
  Yeah, my problem or opportunity is that I actually can see everybody's point of view and I can feel where they're coming from. Totally. Me too. And it is not something – if that didn't resonate with you, which it resonated with you, but if it didn't resonate with you listeners –
• 32:49
  It is like hell because I hear where you're coming from, but I don't know how to fix it. And no matter what, and truthfully, I can't because it's something only you can fix. And it sucks because I just want to jump in your body and do the work that I've done and obviously you've done
• 33:07
  And make you happier. Because at that point, you're just wrestling with me just to wrestle and get dirty. What is it? You don't wrestle with a pig because you'll just get muddy and the pig will love it. And you don't have to attend every fight you're invited to. So I always just exit with grace of sending you love. Yeah. And hoping you heal. And if I can ever help you. Yeah. Kill them with kindness. Let me know. And then I'll go into my freaking messages and they'll just light me up.
• 33:37
  Yeah. Wow. I know. And I think that it's so hard for someone like that to really understand because it's not like, you know, they're just the one person that's sending a message. It is like thousands of people all sending you messages and like some people attacking your character. And like it's very hard to not be like in a state of like defensiveness when that's happening. It's good to take the feedback, but it's very hard to like not want to like protect yourself. Yeah.
• 34:04
  Um, and like, as you get bigger and you'll notice this, sometimes you just genuinely can't get it. Like you just can't. It's just, there's too much. And like, I think that if, you know, you go to the next video, the next upload, and then people seem to have forgotten about it. It's like, uh, yeah.
• 34:22
  I look at it this way, Charlotte. It's God telling you there's some still work to be done on that trauma and that trigger. For sure. Because mine is always the same. I obviously take steroids. Yeah.
• 34:35
  This is what they say. What they don't realize is if you go back all the way till I was 19 years old, I've just turned 50. I've looked this exact same way. And it is just 35 years of working out. And I work out like, so it's like, it's an insult and it hurts my heart when people say that. And I go, I always say the same thing like.
• 34:58
  Hey, first of all, if it was just taking steroids, everybody would look like me. That's number one. Number two is I don't recall ever reading any article that just taking steroids and not doing the work got you big. For sure. So it was like, but then I realized I'm assigning too much meaning to it. Yeah. Just let it go. I know. Because usually that's somebody pointing one finger away and there's three pointing right back at them. Exactly. It's projection at the end of the day. And they're not even working out. So sometimes I'll respond with, hey, when's the last time you worked out?
• 35:28
  Yeah, I mean, you could, but at the end of the day, you also have to know that if they're mad, it's probably, like you said, something that they're dealing with. And it could be projection. It could be something as simple as, you know, they really want you to see like their side of things. And they want to know that, like, you know, that they're not wrong. You know, like, it's it there's a bunch of things that could be at play. And like, at the end of the day, they're commenting something that is more about them than it is about you.
• 35:58
  Yeah. And you're such a nice person. There's no reason anybody should ever be mean. So I want to go down that and then we're going to talk about the swipe life because I just can't wait to talk about it. You act, you sing, you write, you produce, you host, and now you've built this big digital empire. What role feels most like home? The one that in your heart just warms you up. I mean...
• 36:24
  Obviously, I love doing what I do. I really like the fact that I was able to gain a following for just being me. It just it really makes me happy that like I didn't have to change anything about myself in order to.
• 36:40
  to fit in or to gain success. But, you know, acting has always been, like, the thing that, like, really lights me up. It just always has been. And, like, unfortunately, it's an industry that's just, like, there's not a lot of opportunity there. Like, it's not as simple as, like, oh, you should be in a TV show, and it's like, hey, but, like,
• 37:00
  You don't even know the first thing about like pitching a TV show or like what it takes to like, like even have a casting director put their faith in someone that has never been in something before. Like there's so many things at play and most of the time it has nothing to do with whether or not you have talent. It's like schedules, whether or not, you know, you're too tall or like, well, maybe we don't want a redhead for this. Like, I think we want a blonde.
• 37:30
  Like it was never the fact that I wasn't good, that I didn't get a role. It was a quota that they had to fill, like an image that they wanted to portray or, or, you know, like maybe they thought I was too tall for the male that they wanted to cast or something like that. So,
• 37:47
  Yeah. And like, I know so many amazing actresses who are, you know, used to be in like Netflix series and they are just struggling right now, man. Like it is, it is rough out there and you know, it's resulted in me trying to like create my own stuff and like, and write more and act more. And, um, it really does light me up and I find it so fun. Cause it's like, it's just who I am at the core. Like I really, I really wish that I, I didn't love it as much as I did, but I, I really enjoy it. I really like making people laugh. I really like, like, yeah.
• 38:16
  taking on a character and changing my voice and changing what I look like and, um, writing jokes and like all that stuff. I really, really enjoy that. And I'd love to do more of it, honestly. So,
• 38:29
  We talked about it and you recently created this scripted series, The Swipe Life. What was the process like? What is it about? Tell us. It sounds like something hilarious. I haven't seen it yet. Well, it's about – I appreciate you asking. It's about dating apps. I figured. Yeah. And yeah, it's just – it's about like my –
• 38:48
  my experience in the dating world. And there are a lot of stories that I haven't shared because like, I'd love to be able to like put it into this series. Um, but yeah, it's about dating apps and like kind of the nuances behind modern dating and how it just, how unrecognizable the dating landscape has become. Um,
• 39:10
  And just kind of recognizing the inconsistencies and recognizing, you know, like maybe there's a way that we could get back to like what dating used to be. That would be nice. Yeah, there's lots. And like, you know, there's obviously downfalls with that too. Like, you know, getting married to some guy that you don't even know isn't the best way to date either. But, you know, like just...
• 39:33
  really taking a look at like what modern dating has become and an, it's an analysis of the modern dating landscape, um, while also being a comedy. And, um, so yeah, it's, it's a project that's super dear to my heart. It's, um, currently optioned by a, um, production company. So it's in the pitching processes, which is another reason why I haven't really,
• 39:58
  updated or anything about, like, I haven't really talked about it because it's like, I don't know what's happening. Like, I really don't know what's happening. It's being pitched. I've had unreal feedback from, you know, the CBC, from like major streaming platforms, unreal feedback. But unfortunately, it's just, especially in Canada, it's really tough out there to get a new project off the ground. Charlotte, I'm ignorant about
• 40:24
  what it takes to get a show on him. So I'm sure most of these listeners are too, is when you say it's being piloted, does that mean you shot the pilot? I already shot the pilot.
• 40:34
  Can you tell me about it at all? Oh yeah, no, I can. It sounds so good. I can, no, I did shoot the pilot. I, you know, I have a, an amazing group of friends who are all, you know, in the industry, actors, writers and stuff like that. And, you know, I kept encountering kind of like roadblocks of I would go and like talk to a person that worked at like, let's say Bell Media.
• 40:56
  Like they do. It's like a TV station and in Canada. And, you know, it was just all these like little roadblocks that people like, yeah, like it's a good idea. But like, you know, we're really looking for like a workplace comedy right now. And it's like, I don't even know, like why I'm going to you guys to produce this pilot. Like I could literally just fund it myself and just do it.
• 41:16
  So I did. I hired a team. It was mostly my friends and we shot the pilot. I like produced it from start to finish was the. Oh girl. Thank you. I was the executive producer. We had a director, full cast crew, and I made sure it was non-union because as a non-union actor, there really is not.
• 41:40
  very many opportunities, unless you want to be in some information discovery reenactment show, there's nothing, um, at least not in, uh, Toronto anyway. So yeah, no, we shot it from start to finished. I, I, I saw it through, it was produced. We had a little premiere party for it and, um, yeah, it's, it's currently backed by a production company who's out pitching it, but I don't know what, what's going to happen with it. Honestly, it's, it's difficult to like put the cart before the horse. Um,
• 42:07
  I think it might end up being something that I just release on YouTube or I do a tour with it or something because I am proud of it and I wanted to make it from start to finish so I could eventually just do that. I don't need anyone's permission to put the pilot anywhere. It could be like a short film in and of itself, like just the pilot. So, yeah. How long is it? It's 28 minutes.
• 42:29
  So let's, I believe in energy and source. So let's put all the positivity. I'm sending you all the positivity to get this released. Take a ticket, take a ticket. Because I can't, I'm like, I want, I'm like, can you send it to me? I want to see it. Again, I started with, I love dating and relations. I think it's funny. I watch people do all the wrong things. And if I could start over, I'd probably be a dating and relationship coach. But I get too frustrated.
• 42:58
  I was talking to a friend last night. It's like, he's back with the same toxic ex. And he's telling me how this time it's going to be different. And it's like...
• 43:08
  No, you're not different. You attract who you are. It's going to be the same. And my girlfriend yells at me and she's like, you're just so negative. And I'm like, because I've seen this. I've read a million books. We've had massive dating and relationship quotes. Stephanos. We've had Sabrina. We've had Jason Smith. We all crave love and we're just craving connection. So if this...
• 43:34
  makes it funny and helps people why wouldn't we want this out in the universe
• 43:39
  Yeah. And I think it gives insight into, you know, even just the differences in gender. And, you know, like, I feel like there's a disconnect there with women thinking that men only want to have one night stands. And men thinking that women are all out here, like, scamming them with fake photos and stuff like that. Like, it kind of shows the gender divide as well and, like, tries to bridge that gap. I'm really proud of it. Like, I really-
• 44:05
  I hope you release it. Yeah, I do too. I hope it gets picked up because it sounds fantastic. I kind of want the contract to just end so I can just put it on YouTube. But unfortunately, it's under contract right now, so I can't really do anything with it. But hopefully in the future, I can. So what we're trying to do is make people feel less alone. And that's what I – when I went down the rabbit hole of your videos, that's how I felt. It's like, oh, I know this person. I don't feel alone. So I'd imagine we create – what I've read is we create things –
• 44:35
  that we needed in a past. Did you ever feel alone in the past? Oh, I have goosebumps. That's so sweet. Yes, of course. No, I did. I did feel very alone. I felt, I didn't really have very good friends growing up. Yeah, no, I was not like, I mean, I've talked about this so many times, but I was definitely bullied like my whole life and had pretty,
• 44:58
  I don't even think that I invited any of my childhood friends to my wedding. Like, I think the closest thing was like someone I knew in university to my wedding. But yeah, like I did not have good, good childhood friends. I had a pretty shitty time until I was in like the drama department and I could, you know, find a way to like have a creative outlet with all of that. And I got friends that were also interested in drama.
• 45:21
  But yeah, I think that, I think you're definitely right. Like I created kind of like the friend that like I wish I had and I created a community that like I wish I had growing up. And, um, I genuinely do love my audience like so, so, so much. They're so thoughtful and so supportive and, um, yeah.
• 45:40
  So emotionally intelligent and I'm really like, just, I feel like we're all the weirdos that have just found each other, you know? And, um, yeah, they make my day like on a regular basis. That's why I've been doing this for so long. Cause they just, they really do make me happy. So yeah.
• 45:56
  So let me tell you about you already. First of all, you're obviously beautiful on the outside, but the person that I'm hearing and seeing is beautiful on the inside. And I'm really proud of you for what you've done. And you've kept persevering and going through it. That's what the story is.
• 46:13
  It's keep going and good things will happen. It will never happen when you give up. So you just kept going and look at you. She who laughs last loudest and you now have Mike. And now you're going to end up breaking the cycle. And I can't imagine. I just, I'm going to laugh for a second. My girlfriend has red hair too. And she told me yesterday that her best friend of this day and this other lady bullied her in high school.
• 46:42
  And we had a long talk about it. And I'm like, whoa, what was that like? So it's weird that now there's something I'm supposed to learn because now it's twice in 12 hours that this came up. So if you're a bully or have been a bully, you're an asshole. Stop it. Apologize now. But I will tell you.
• 47:05
  People like you, Charlotte, that take it and use it as fuel. And people like me, oh, man, you're just creating a freaking monster that we're learning to control. Thanks, Billy. Exactly. Love you. This takes me down a trend because most creators do chase these trends. And you've built a format. So what was the first time you knew that your point of view was actually the product that people wanted?
• 47:33
  Um, it's, it's honestly hard to say. Like, I just, I really did try to do other things when I first started. Like I tried doing sketches. I tried doing kind of like videos where I sort of like, like inspirational videos, um, and
• 47:49
  I tried doing like stuff that was more scripted and it ended up being that people just like liked the spontaneous comedy from me and they liked hanging out with me. And it felt kind of like I was just hanging out with a friend when I was filming. Like I was just like, like almost like you're sitting with a friend, you're both on your phone and like you're showing each other memes and stuff like that. And like,
• 48:12
  that's kind of what it felt like that I realized that people just like really wanted to hang out with me. And I think that's even why the videos have gotten so long. Cause it's, it's just a chance to just like be kept company. Um,
• 48:28
  And yeah, it's really just me hanging out with my besties. So I think that's- You're not alone, man. You're not alone in this world. And before I met Ed Milet, I listened to him on- You can- That's the beauty part about this world now, this technology, is you can get to know somebody without ever knowing them.
• 48:52
  And you can learn from them without her. And I get the joy of meeting you. And believe me, if you're never, this is the first time you're meeting Charlotte, man. She's a gem. Follow her. Let me ask you a question, though, because you touched my heart. And it's about if Charlotte now, married and happy, newlywed and happy, could talk to that little girl who was being bullied, what would she say to her?
• 49:18
  You know, my therapist asked me this question literally last week. It kind of made me cry. It should. Yeah, what I said was it all works out. You're a badass. Thank you, Kelly. So are you. Thanks for having me. Well, we're not done yet. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was the segue to the end. No, I got one more question, and then we're going to do some rapid-fire fun, and we're getting up against it.
• 49:48
  Do you hope your audience remembers about you? I hope that they remember that I... That's tough. I hope that they remember the friendship. I hope they remember that it really wasn't one-sided. People talk about parasocial relationships and that you're friends with... You think you're friends with these people you watch and...
• 50:16
  I do talk to the camera as if it's a friend. My audience is like they are my friends. And, you know, even though we can't have a face-to-face conversation, like I do care about them a lot. So I think that – I hope that they remember the friendship. It's a blessing and a curse. Yeah. Blessing and a curse. And I will tell you too that – so when I ask these questions, I'm one of those cerebral people that I started thinking about, how would I answer that? And you know what I would say? Yeah.
• 50:46
  If I can do it, anybody can do it. And I'm just a poor kid that grew up on 8 Mile in Detroit. You grew up on 8 Mile? Yeah, just one block off of 8 Mile. I went to high school with Eminem. No way! I didn't tell you my first experience of being in Toronto. I watched, this is god-awful, somebody commit suicide. They jumped off the top of the building as I was pulling up into my hotel. And I'm like...
• 51:14
  What did I just witness? Oh my gosh, that's horrible. It was insane. I love Toronto. Great, great time. I love it. People from a suicide, love it. We're going to pivot into some rapid fire questions. These are just fun. The people who get to know you, whatever comes off your head, there's no right, there's no wrong. It's just a quick, I like to end some of these fun ones. Throw in some humor if you want. Okay. Pettiest comment you've ever read? Pettiest comment? About me? Doesn't matter.
• 51:44
  Oh, I would love it to be about you, though, because I want to hear what you think is petty. I see why she never made it in acting. Oh, my God. Horrible. Oh, sorry. Literally horrible. Good point. Laugh. That's the best. Laughter is the best medicine. What scares you more, a video that flops or one that hits too hard?
• 52:12
  Honestly, that's tough. Hits too hard. There's always a bad reason that something hits too hard. I'm not surprised you answered that way. Success is scary. Yeah, it is. And there's a lot of people who were incredibly successful were Trisha Paytas, like –
• 52:33
  Tana Mongeau that come to mind, but they were also successful because they were controversial and because they rage baited. And that to me, like having that kind of like, it's kind of scares me, you know, like it's it does freak me out because, yes, it's successful. Yes, the video is successful, but I feel like the negativity also piles in when it's super successful as well. Did you say rage bait? Yeah.
• 53:01
  Yeah, rage bait. I never heard of that. It's the 2025 term of the year. You didn't know that? Yeah. One comment that made you cry.
• 53:13
  I feel like even the comment that I just shared. Really? Yeah, that was sad. I figured that was going to be one. Yeah. You seem a lot like me with that healedness. Give me one that's positive. Something that somebody said about you that was positive that made you cry for joy. Because I've healed. I find myself crying out of gratitude a lot more.
• 53:36
  I mean, I never cried. There was, I grew up in so poor that there was nobody to cry to. So I cry a lot and it's mostly because I'm happy. Oh, that's so sweet. That's such a good like energy, that frequency, like you're so happy that you're crying. Yeah. It's a good, it's a good, um, gratitude frequency. Uh, honestly, I read so many beautiful comments on a day-to-day basis, um,
• 53:59
  It's hard to pick one. One that initially comes to mind, I think, was about a girl that would... She would play my videos when she was pregnant. And when she gave, like, her baby, started becoming accustomed to, like, my voice.
• 54:19
  And her boyfriend doesn't like watching my videos. So she would always like watch them alone when she was pregnant. And then when the baby came out, the only thing that would stop the baby from crying was...
• 54:33
  was my videos. Get out of town. This is what she said. It was like a post on Reddit. But she said that the only thing that would kind of pacify the baby was when she put my videos on because the baby recognized my voice. So she kind of had this sort of like petty revenge on her boyfriend because like he was forced to watch my videos. So the baby would stop crying. Well, I would watch your videos anytime. Worst date you never told your audience about. Oh, God.
• 55:04
  Um, I went on a date with a guy, went back to his house and it was in the middle of an ice storm. And I had asked him cause the roads were closed. I had asked him if I could stay the night because there was like, I couldn't afford the Ubers. They were surging. The prices were crazy. The buses weren't running and he, he kicked me out. Like he literally wouldn't let me stay. So.
• 55:28
  That went bad. That went bad quick. It was all good. It was like, I'm so surprised that this happened. We had such a good date. It was so romantic. And then, yeah. And then I'm pretty sure he smoked a little weed and greened out or something. I think that's what happened.
• 55:44
  Um, and wanted to be like alone. Cause like, he's kind of like one of those, like, like nerdy smart guys that like when he smokes weed, he kind of goes into himself and he just wanted me to leave. But like, he also wasn't taking into account that like, it actually wasn't safe for me to get home. Um, so yeah, I, I got kicked out. You did a whole series on dating. That's why I want this swiper. I know. This thing, a red flag that used to turn you on. A red flag that used to turn me on.
• 56:13
  Inconsistency. Ooh, I thought you were going to say bad boys. Well, bad boys, but also bad boys are very inconsistent, right? The bread crumbing. So prior to Mike, what was the green flag that the lady should be looking for now? Kindness. Just like genuine kindness and thoughtfulness. I would tell you that someone's done a lot of work on themselves and is at peace. Yeah. Yeah.
• 56:42
  Yeah. It's a good one too. YouTube or Broadway? Oh, that's tough. Honestly, Broadway. That would be so fun. Right? I'd drop everything to be Velma Kelly on Broadway. I would drop everything to go see you on Broadway. Hell yeah. I love Broadway shows. I love it. Me too. I want to take my daughter. She just asked if we could go and I'm like, yep. Hell yeah. Yeah.
• 57:07
  All right. This is a good one. I love this. Line you wish you could say on camera, but haven't yet. Oh, God. Are you just trying to make me step in doo-doo? No, I just want you to be authentic. And this is the Heart of Life show. Line I wish I could say on camera, but I haven't. Jeez. I don't know. I've said most things.
• 57:34
  I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to get canceled. What the fuck? No, I laugh because you know what? Again, I, I answer these as I'm going along. I don't read the, the, the, these one-liners fast. And I think of, I'm doing this new bit. I keep working on this thing where I'm going to carry a mirror and I'm going to say this because I give a lot of keynotes. This is the number one tool that you need to live a happy life. So to me, it would be,
• 58:03
  Just look in the mirror, baby. I don't say it enough, but it's so true. It's just look in the mirror and love that person. And everything in your life will get better. From a business standpoint, I own several businesses. When I looked in the mirror, and I did this during the pandemic, I literally looked in the mirror and I looked in my left eye and I told myself, I love me. I love myself for five minutes every single day. That's a really good one. And I believed it.
• 58:30
  Yeah, that's a really good one. I wish I'd said that shit. Well, you could take it. There's free therapy with that harder life show. I've done a lot of work, a lot of net of tough things. Yeah, of course. It shows. It definitely shows. Here's one thing that I don't really say, but I should say more. I am very lucky. Lucky.
• 58:55
  I love how you put that positive. I would tell you no way. Cause you created your own luck. Yeah. But I mean, fair enough. But at the same time, there's, there's a lot of luck there too, I think. Okay. One word tattoo you'd give your younger self. Um, one word tattoo that would give, give yourself, um,
• 59:25
  Oh, that's tough. Oh, I'm supposed to be rapid fire. All good. Amore. What is it? It means love in Italian. That's it. I love that.
• 59:39
  All right, we're gonna do a bonus plug. Charlotte is building a creator first brand with exclusive content, merch drops, behind the scenes series, and interactions with fans with Q&As. You can follow her on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram to access exclusive The Swipe Life content, monthly Q&A streams, comedy sketches and series sneak peeks, upcoming musical and vocal work.
• 1:00:04
  Her upcoming acting appearances, which we didn't even get into, which includes crashing Jenny's wedding. What's that about? We got three minutes. Tell me about that. Oh, honestly, that was something that a fan like reached out to me and wanted to cast me in. And then COVID hit. So it never happened. But no, it didn't happen. I don't know what happened to it. It's on IMDb. But like, yeah, I don't know what happened to it. Yeah. Upcoming acting roles. Shit. Shit.
• 1:00:29
  If you got it, let me know. You know what I love is you're the authenticity. You just pay it forward and you give away everything. And it's like, hey, this is me. Take it, leave it. Have fun and pay it forward. And that means you're one of the good ones. And I just can't thank you enough for being on the show. And any parting comments?
• 1:00:50
  I really appreciate the conversation that we had today, Kelly. It definitely made my day even better than it already was. So I really appreciate everyone that's listening and made it all the way to the end. Come check out my YouTube channel and hope to see you there. You believe we get to do this? This is awesome. It's so fun. It's fun. We're just chatting, chatting about life. So nice to meet you too, Kelly. Thank you. Thank you, dear. Thanks for playing. Yes. Anytime.
• 1:01:18
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.