Latest / Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast / 16 | Dating Your Mom's Relative & Other Reddit Drama

Transcript

16 | Dating Your Mom's Relative & Other Reddit Drama · Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast

• 0:04
  Let's talk. Am I the asshole for going out
• 0:07
  of town for a concert while my daughter is sick?
• 0:11
  Yes, you're supposed. To bring her.
• 0:15
  Over six months ago I bought tickets to a concert 5 plus
• 0:18
  hours away from my city. The concert is tomorrow and I
• 0:21
  plan to drive down tonight after work after dropping my daughter
• 0:24
  off at her dad's. The ticket and my accommodations
• 0:27
  are already paid for and non refundable.
• 0:29
  I've been really excited for this trip since I found out
• 0:31
  about it. All week my daughter, 10, has
• 0:35
  been homesick. She has a dry cough, slight
• 0:38
  fever but nothing extreme, and a decreased appetite.
• 0:41
  I work from home and it's slow season at work so I was able to
• 0:44
  be by her side all week to take care of her.
• 0:46
  She's slowly getting better but still not feeling great.
• 0:49
  I updated her dad on her condition so he can keep an eye
• 0:52
  on it but now he's saying I'm being selfish and I should skip
• 0:55
  my trip so he doesn't catch whatever she has.
• 0:58
  Where are you going? What do you have to?
• 1:00
  Do we share custody get this part during the school year?
• 1:05
  I have her during the week so I can stay on top of her
• 1:08
  schooling, homework, extracurricular activities
• 1:10
  because clearly he can't do it. He.
• 1:12
  Can't. He's incapable.
• 1:14
  If I'm not on top of it, he can't be bothered.
• 1:16
  Her dad picks her up from school on Fridays and has her for the
• 1:19
  weekend. I pick her back up Sunday
• 1:21
  morning just before noon to take her to horseback riding lessons
• 1:25
  and the cycle continues. Doesn't seem like the weekend,
• 1:28
  right? No, it's one day, a couple
• 1:30
  hours. Probably wow.
• 1:32
  The only exception is the summer which is a lot more hectic, but
• 1:35
  she spends 90% of her summer with me or camping and traveling
• 1:38
  with my side of the family. She first started getting sick
• 1:41
  last weekend while she was at her dad's.
• 1:44
  Oh so. So he was going to catch it.
• 1:47
  He would have already caught you had it.
• 1:50
  He insists I should be keeping her at my house until she's
• 1:53
  feeling better. I told him I'd be dropping her
• 1:55
  off tonight after work and he called me a selfish bitch.
• 1:59
  What am I the? Asshole.
• 2:01
  No. That's why I divorced you.
• 2:04
  God, why do I need to share my child again?
• 2:09
  Why? What do I do?
• 2:14
  How do I deal with family disapproval when my boyfriend is
• 2:17
  distantly related to my mom and stepdad?
• 2:20
  Wait, you can say this? The gears start me OK I30.
• 2:28
  Female, have a six year old son and left his dad when I found
• 2:31
  out I was pregnant. He was controlling and cheating
• 2:34
  for years. I swore I'd never date again
• 2:36
  because of the insecurities and past relationship failures.
• 2:39
  Recently I met someone I really like, 29, male and honestly he's
• 2:44
  the greenest flag I've ever met. Then I found out he's related to
• 2:47
  both my mom and my stepdad. His grandfather and my step step
• 2:52
  dad's grandmother are siblings and his other granddad and my
• 2:55
  mom's granddad are also siblings.
• 2:56
  This is their family tree. It's like what?
• 3:00
  Country Rd. Basically a distant family
• 3:04
  connection I've never experienced.
• 3:07
  My mom found out and it's furious telling me to end things
• 3:10
  because that's her second cousin but I really don't want to end
• 3:13
  it. He treats me better than anyone
• 3:15
  ever has. How do?
• 3:18
  I deal with family disapproval when my boyfriend is distantly.
• 3:20
  Related, I don't know if it's the family disapproval she needs
• 3:27
  to be worried about. Like, it's your third cousin,
• 3:32
  right? So if it's your mom's second
• 3:33
  cousin, that's your third cousin.
• 3:36
  Girl, stop. Girl stop.
• 3:38
  She's like but I love. Him.
• 3:42
  Am I the asshole for refusing to be my brother's live in maid
• 3:46
  after he dropped out of college? My dad passed away a few years
• 3:51
  ago and ever since then my brother has decided he is the
• 3:54
  man of the house. He dropped out of college.
• 3:57
  I do not think he was going to graduate anyway because he's not
• 4:00
  very smart. He works in construction and he
• 4:04
  doesn't help with some bills. Excuse me?
• 4:06
  And he does help with some bills and he fixes our cars and small
• 4:09
  things around the house. I appreciate that.
• 4:11
  But he acts like doing those things every few months gives
• 4:14
  him the right to boss me around every single day and order me to
• 4:17
  do all the everyday chores. When I came home from my
• 4:20
  lectures, I saw him fixing one of the cabinets.
• 4:23
  The first thing he said to me was the sink is full.
• 4:25
  Why did you not do the dishes? It has been like that for two
• 4:28
  days now. I told him I always do my
• 4:32
  dishes, you do yours. Those are literally yours and
• 4:35
  Mom's. I am not your maid, period.
• 4:37
  He then started guilt tripping me and trying to emotionally
• 4:40
  manipulate me. He said I just came home from a
• 4:43
  13 hour day and the first thing I did was fix this broken piece
• 4:46
  of junk. Mom works six days a week.
• 4:48
  The least you could do is clean the house and do the dishes.
• 4:51
  I'm not even asking you to cook or do laundry.
• 4:53
  You are a Leech. What?
• 4:57
  Yeah, I told him, I just came home from three lectures in a
• 5:00
  lab. I have to study for my finals
• 5:02
  next week, I do not have time right now to be your maid.
• 5:05
  And he replied, typical females of this generation, I will do
• 5:10
  the dishes and fixes, go to the mechanic next time, do not come
• 5:14
  to me again. I ignored him and went to my
• 5:16
  room. A few minutes later he sent me a
• 5:19
  bank transfer request for $600.00 with a note that said
• 5:23
  brake and oil change parts and labor.
• 5:27
  What? For context, I am third of the
• 5:32
  household and I do 1/3 of the chores.
• 5:35
  I clean the kitchen and bathroom two to three days a week.
• 5:37
  I do my share but he acts like it's never enough.
• 5:40
  I'm also a nursing major so I spent a lot of time studying.
• 5:43
  Meanwhile, he dropped out of college and uses our dad's
• 5:45
  passing as an excuse for everything.
• 5:47
  He was majoring in business and nothing he claims to do around
• 5:50
  the house is something he does often but does those things
• 5:53
  every few weeks, months or even years.
• 5:55
  But he still expects me to clean every day like it's my full time
• 5:57
  job. My mom rarely defends me and
• 6:00
  treats him like an Angel. I'm exhausted.
• 6:03
  As soon as I finish my degree and can afford it, I am out.
• 6:06
  Yeah. As you should.
• 6:08
  Am I the? Asshole.
• 6:08
  No, absolutely not. If no one was there and he was
• 6:13
  living alone, I guess it'll just pile up because.
• 6:14
  It's your stuff, Yes, now. I need advice, my boyfriend
• 6:20
  called the cops because of the content of my book but he wants
• 6:24
  me to think it was a mistake. How do we move past this?
• 6:28
  Know you're going to love this. I-24 female have been working on
• 6:32
  my book trilogy for years since I was 16.
• 6:35
  The book is How I Met my boyfriend John, 24, male.
• 6:39
  We met at some writing class 3 years ago and hit it off.
• 6:42
  John went to university for journalism and creative writing
• 6:45
  but is not working in either field.
• 6:48
  I never intended to make money for my works, but I do.
• 6:50
  It's not my main profession though.
• 6:52
  Context out of the way, here's where things get.
• 6:55
  Weird. I asked.
• 6:56
  John if he could read certain chapters and give notes on
• 6:59
  changes and things to adapt. My usual beta reader was
• 7:03
  unavailable. Without giving too much away,
• 7:06
  the main character was kidnapped and experimented on.
• 7:09
  It was written to be grotesque and horrifying and I thought
• 7:12
  John. And then I told John this before
• 7:14
  and he started reading. He said it's fine.
• 7:17
  Well I find out that he made a call to the local Police
• 7:21
  Department because the description sounded too real and
• 7:24
  said there was non consensual stuff in the chapter.
• 7:29
  The. Experimentation was not
• 7:31
  consented to by the main character, the.
• 7:34
  Literally, it's drama. He didn't tell me he made the
• 7:38
  call. I found out because the officer
• 7:40
  came to my door the next morning for a welfare check.
• 7:43
  I was humiliated. I explained everything
• 7:46
  immediately and they checked house, saw nothing and
• 7:48
  eventually apologized for the confusion.
• 7:51
  When I confronted John, he apologized and tried to say the
• 7:54
  story got in his head. He said it was a mistake and
• 7:58
  then I should understand how someone should get worried given
• 8:00
  the context. He wants me to drop it.
• 8:03
  I am so effing embarrassed and honestly really creeped out.
• 8:06
  My writing is dark but I've been published for years and he's
• 8:10
  read my material before. This is honestly not even the
• 8:13
  darkest, most effed up thing I've written.
• 8:16
  She's like, it gets worse. I don't know if this is
• 8:19
  something we can work through or if there's a sign of a deeper
• 8:21
  issue. I genuinely can't imagine why
• 8:23
  he'd call the cops if he was so disturbed but also stay at my
• 8:27
  place and be all lovely and cuddly.
• 8:29
  Yes, that part. Could this be an honest to God
• 8:31
  mistake and how do we move forward?
• 8:36
  That's that one's crazy, crazy because it's a story.
• 8:39
  It's a story. First of all, kudos to her
• 8:41
  because she clearly. Wrote something phenomenal and
• 8:43
  he was like Oh my goodness, but. You don't call the cops.
• 8:48
  Has she been writing other books that seem like this story about
• 8:54
  him? I don't know what he thought he
• 8:55
  was next. He's about to be experimented
• 8:57
  on. OK, Am I the asshole for not
• 9:01
  calling an ambulance for my mother?
• 9:06
  Emergency SO. My 20 female mother, 55 female
• 9:11
  is a narcissist. He's going to call that out
• 9:14
  right off the job. Right off.
• 9:15
  The job, OK. All right, it's become worse as
• 9:17
  I've gotten older, but basically she has to make everything about
• 9:21
  herself. Always.
• 9:22
  She's always twisting someone else's problems to make it about
• 9:25
  her, or lying about the dumbest shit to gain attention, or
• 9:28
  screaming and fake crying when somebody says she's in the
• 9:31
  wrong. She's a complete attention
• 9:34
  seeker, and I'm convinced she has a personality disorder.
• 9:37
  She does. Yeah.
• 9:39
  Recently she's taken to faking medical issues or illnesses to
• 9:42
  get attention. She's done this before, like
• 9:45
  faking a gluten allergy despite still eating gluten with no
• 9:48
  problems, or pretending to have the most obviously fake panic
• 9:52
  attack when being called out for her bullshit.
• 9:54
  OK, now it seems that isn't enough, and for the past few
• 9:58
  weeks she's been talking about being diagnosed with heart
• 10:01
  disease. Can I see?
• 10:03
  The official papers. Oh man, today we had dinner and
• 10:07
  my brother, 25, told us that he wanted to marry his girlfriend.
• 10:10
  Just said it casually, not like he actually proposed yet or
• 10:14
  anything. Oh she's about to have a heart
• 10:16
  attack? She's about to lose it.
• 10:17
  Mom doesn't like my brother's girlfriend ever since they
• 10:20
  started dating, even though she's only met her a handful of
• 10:22
  times and decided to get into a screaming match about it with my
• 10:25
  brother. He wasn't having any of it and
• 10:28
  just got up and walked out of the room.
• 10:29
  I went with him because fuck me if I'm going to stay with her
• 10:32
  when she's. Like that fan?
• 10:34
  Don't leave me. Well she then fainted, making
• 10:38
  pain noises while writhing on the ground.
• 10:41
  I think she was trying to imitate a seizure while
• 10:43
  conscious. I don't know but she looked like
• 10:46
  a fish flopping around. My brother and I just stared at
• 10:50
  her as it honestly looked like an adult throwing a tantrum.
• 10:53
  She told her she was having a heart attack in the calm 911.
• 10:56
  When neither of us did, she screamed that we were selfish
• 10:59
  children letting her die. Talking a lot.
• 11:02
  Heart attack? You talking a lot.
• 11:04
  We didn't end up leaving then, but we did stay close to see
• 11:08
  what she'd do after. Neither of us really reacted for
• 11:11
  a few minutes. She got up totally fine but was
• 11:13
  pissed at us for not helping her and started screaming again
• 11:15
  about how we're abusing her. Then my brother and I left for
• 11:19
  real and went to his girlfriend's house.
• 11:21
  That's where I'm at now. Apparently she posted on
• 11:23
  Facebook about how she survived a heart attack while berating my
• 11:27
  brother and me for not caring about her and being emotionally
• 11:30
  abusive. My aunt who's not really my aunt
• 11:32
  but my mom's best friend message me and my brother about it and I
• 11:36
  told her what happened. She said I should have just
• 11:39
  called 911 anyway because it wasn't my place to say and they
• 11:42
  could have determined if she was really fine or not.
• 11:44
  But I'm so sick of her lying bullshit and I'm not wasting 911
• 11:47
  time on this, am I The. Asshole, No, I'm not wasting
• 11:51
  their time. I'm not going to have her send
• 11:52
  me the bill all of a sudden. Because she gets a free ride and
• 11:55
  absolutely. Not.