Latest / Black Girl Interrupted Podcast / Depression.....The Blues

Transcript

Depression.....The Blues · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

0:11
Black Girl. Y'all already know, how's your rookie. Y'all already know how
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Girl? What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? Everybody?
0:45
Happy Thursday? Y'all already know who it is. It's your favorite girl
0:50
from the bringing you another wonderful episode up Black Girl interrupted. Y'all got a
0:56
bed with me? Let me add just this microphone. So, y'all,
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I was supposed to have a show last night, so apparently my microphone decided
1:03
it wanted to go out. But I was missing a piece, so I
1:06
had to order another piece and it finally came in today, like fifteen minutes
1:10
ago. So I am back. I am here, Happy Thursday. I
1:14
really missed you, guys. I hope everyone has been having a great week
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so far. Gosh, gosh, gosh, what has been going on?
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What has been going on? Again? Welcome back to another beautiful episode a
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Black Girl interrupted. As we continue on talking about Mental Health Awareness month tonight,
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I want to really get into the meat and potatoes of mental health,
1:41
and that is depression. This conversation is all all also familiar to me because
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I've lived in a very very very dark, dark space. But you know,
2:00
with prayer, with therapy, with the support I have made it through.
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So tonight we are talking about depression. M I didn't even really mentally
2:15
prepare myself for this show tonight, but it is what it is, you
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know, y'all. Sometimes, like before a show, I always try to
2:23
get myself mentally prepared, but when it comes to mental health, you never
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really mentally prepare for these these conversations, these topics bec excuse me, because
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you know there are people out here that are living in the dark. You
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have people out here that need the help just don't know where to turn for
2:46
those that are just now tuning in that are new to a Black Girl interrupted.
2:50
I always, always, always always start off my show doing a mental
2:54
health check in. I always try to play something uplifting, something empowering,
3:00
something to really get your thinking, something to encourage somebody, something to help
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a person get over that hump, a person to know that they're worthy,
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a person to know that they're loved and that they're appreciated. This is what
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I do at the start of every show. I don't do this because it's
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just Mental health Awareness month. I do this every show again because it's imperative.
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Because again and I say this on every show. You don't know what
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a person is going through. You may have a person that just sits and
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laughs and jokes and smiles all day and go home and sit in the dark.
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You have a person that shows up is the life of the party,
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but go home and are ready to take their lives. So this is why
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I do. What I do at the beginning of every episode is to let
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us let you know you are worthy, that you are appreciated, you are
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loved, you are wanted, and you're able to get over whatever hump it
4:00
is that you feel stands in your way. So this is what I do
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at the start of every show. So let's go ahead and roll into that
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because I really want to jump into tonight's conversation. It's very very simple to
4:15
get what you want, but it's not easy. It's your job to make
4:20
yourself do the crap you don't want to do so you can be everything that
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you're supposed to be. And you're so damn busy waiting to feel like it,
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and you're never going to ever. No one's coming, no one,
4:45
no one's coming to push you, no one's coming to tell you to turn
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the TV off, no one's coming to tell you to get out the door
4:51
and exercise. Nobody's coming to tell you to apply for that job that you've
4:58
always dreamt about. Nobody's coming to write the business plan for you. It's
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up to you. And because you're only ever gonna do the things that you
5:08
feel like doing right now or that feel good right now, unless you understand
5:15
that, you've got to parent yourself. You got to push yourself. You're
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not gonna make your dreams come true. If you want to live your best
5:24
life, your absolutely best life, got you be a huge fapery. Y'all.
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Watch them choices you Maybe people make bad choices. They wake up another
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make a enough bad choice. They make a enough bad choice. Now they
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gotta happy to bad choices, right, and they like, how did I
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get here? Choices? How did I get here? You trying to get
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to certain places, but you ain't making the choices that's gonna get you there.
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You are your feelings. The problem is that most people, they like
5:46
they can't get up in the morning. They ain't got no energy. They
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don't got the energy to keep up with me. I'm like, well,
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ain't nothing wrong with you? You just ain't got the stamlin though. You
5:55
just ain't got the energy. You can't flat everything, you can't out think
5:59
everything. Some stuff is just you gotta be powerful. It's just some stuff
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that you gotta have saven afore. You're just too slow. It's just take
6:06
you too long, you wake up. Take you three weeks to do what
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it could take twenty four hours to do. It gonna make you a bad
6:13
person. But you're gonna forever be average, because to be great, you
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got to keep up. No alarm clock need it. My passion wakes me
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up. My drive wakes me up, my determination, my ability to be
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is doing app whatever I want. It wakes me up. What wakes you
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up? What drives you? Why are you playing this game? You gotta
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begin with the end in mind. So whatever your dream, where your goal
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is, you gotta wake up every day too, witch, you gotta go
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to bed wich are Do you hear what I'm telling you? You gotta read
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stuff, to music, you listen to everything you do. Gotta pour into
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that dream. I didn't get you where I ham. I didn't get here
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being lazy. I didn't get here Vin's watching TV. I didn't get here
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taking days off. I personally know what it takes one day. I made
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a decision that enough is enough. I'm tired of being average. I'm tired.
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I'm tired of being good. I'm tired. I made a decision.
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Enough is enough. They show time. In order for you to go from
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one level to the next level, in order for any woman to transition,
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for any man to transition, the thinging that they want must be greater than
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the thing they've Girlly asked. You only transition from one level to the next
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when you tied of the level you are. You don't belong at the bottom,
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and it's time for you to get your butt from down there. It's
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time for you to stuff being comfort the boy at the bottom. Get your
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butt up and get your where you're supposed to be. Get you where you
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belong, to do what you're supposed to do, Live like you're supposed to
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live. You gotta kill every single day of my life. I feel like
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giving a hunt of the every single day. I don't half days where I
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don't feel like it. Why because I'm calling on me, my wife's counting
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on me, my son's counting on me. I don't have day wait,
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and your grid has to match your dream. You can't play as much as
8:05
you used to play. You can't go where you used to go. You
8:07
can't do what you used to do. And now you gotta pick your grind
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up. And I need to do to wake up every single day. I
8:13
need to use your twenty four hours like you've never used to before. M
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hmm. I don't know what it is about that video that that video just
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I don't know it just it does something to my soul, my spirit,
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because I have to push myself every day. Every day I have to get
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up to a job or I'm so sorry log into a job that completely drains
9:05
me. But I get up and I do it because in order to make
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my big dream come true or to make my big business flourish, I gotta
9:15
work at this bigger business. So I get up every day and every day
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I push myself. Even on those days that I don't feel like even on
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those days that I don't feel like getting out of the bed, I gotta
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push myself. I gotta encourage myself, I gotta motivate myself. And this
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is what I say to y'all. Sometimes you gotta do what you don't want
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to do to get where it is you're trying to go. Do I like
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working for other people? Absolutely not. Am I ready for my little business
9:54
to become my big business? Absolutely But I gotta get up, and I
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gotta hustle, and I got to motivate at the same time. In the
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words of the great Nipsey Hustle, I got a hustle and motivate. So
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I leave this with you, with you guys before we jump into tonight's conversation,
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it's not where you start, It's not how you start, it's where
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you finish. Stop worrying about the quantity and worry about the quality. Keep
10:22
going. Strangers will support you faster than your family and your friends. And
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those are things, little jewels, little jem's, little nuggets that I've had
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to learn along the way of being a podcaster. But I want everyone to
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please stay encouraged. I know life LIFs. I understand it does. But
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that doesn't give you the right to give up. You may fall down,
10:52
but get up. You don't have to lay in that. Okay, you
10:56
messed up. Let's go to Plan B. You didn't do Plan BE.
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Let's go to Plan See. Every day God waits you up, he gives
11:03
you another chance to do it. All over again. I want you to
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know that you are loved and that you are worthy. Stop worrying about what
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people say about you, my loves. Stop worrying about that. Who cares
11:20
if they don't support your dream? Who cares if they don't like what you
11:24
what you're about, or what you have to say. Baby, They talks
11:26
about Jesus, and Jesus still makes a way. So get up, make
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it happen. Short world, who you really truly are? Because baby,
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let me tell you something, I'm a star all by myself. Of course
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I have the team, the support behind me, but I'm a star all
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by myself. And that was one of the things that I had to learn.
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So you have to learn you have to shine yourself. You have to.
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So there's t shirt. Hie, my baby, I love you.
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Brittan says, yes, it's Blue Lips in the best podcast in town.
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I love it, Thank you, my baby. Blue goes with tonight's conversation,
12:20
and that's depression, depression, depression, depression. I'm gonna make it
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through. Let me, I promise you'all, I'm gonna make it through an
12:33
episode where I don't cry. I promise, I'm gonna try Okay, I
12:37
can't guarantee y'all, because depression is something that I have dealt with. Depression
12:46
is something that I've lived through. Depression is something that I've overcome. It's
12:54
not an overnight process. It's not. So I want people to understand that
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getting over those humps is not an overnight thing. You're not gonna go to
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sleep and wake up and be over that hump and that obstacle be out of
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your way. No. I know what it's like to sit in the dark.
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I've sat in there too many times. Hmm. Let me breathe through
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this. Because when I talk and I share my journey of depression, it
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saddens me to know that I allowed that to consume my life. I allow
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that to become my life. So I get a little emotion, you know
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what. Let me say it. I get all the way emotional. Okay.
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When I talk about depression and how many times that I attempted to take
14:07
my life, the number of m that one stung, that one stung a
14:16
little bit, and that one stung because I only thought about myself in those
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moments. I didn't think about anybody else around me. I didn't think about
14:41
the people that loved me. I didn't think about the people that cared.
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Yeah, we getting row and uncut to me. I didn't think about that.
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I didn't think about the people that needed me. I didn't think about
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the people that I would be leaving behind. I only thought about me in
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that moment and how bad I wanted the pain and the hurt to go away.
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But God and my therapist taught me how to deal not only with the
15:26
grief, but with my emotions and to know that there's other ways to end
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the pain versus me and in my life, depression when I tell y'all,
15:54
that is one hell of a place to be in and then when you're adding
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anxiety on top of it. T she says, overcoming is a gift.
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Absolutely living is a gift. Being able to be in the light is a
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gift. T Shea says, I even thank God for the darkness now,
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Yeah, as you should, because if you didn't thank God for the darkness,
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you never would have been able to appreciate the light. And that was
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one of the things that I had to learn. Tonight is about all of
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us. If you've ever been in a dark place, and if you don't
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mind sharing your story, what happened? What did you How did you come
16:56
out and get back into the light? You know. I look at one
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thing that I found that says black mental health disparity is fueling a behavioral health
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epidemic. It also says that Black Americans make up about thirteen percent of the
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US population, or nearly forty six million people, and about sixteen percent or
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roughly seven million individuals, report having experienced mental illness in the past year.
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Let me go back and reread that one more time. Black Americans, we
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only make up about thirteen percent of the population. I believe now it has
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slightly increased the maybe seventeen percent, So I say, maybe fifty million people
18:07
now and about sixteen percent or roughly seven million individuals report having experienced a mental
18:15
illness in the past year. And then they say, although that percentage is
18:26
equivalent to the race of incidents amongst white people, black people are more likely
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to experience chronic and persistent as opposed to episodic mental illness. So, in
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other words, these are not just episodes. These are things we deal with
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on a chronic or a persistent level when it comes to mental health. Why
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And it also goes on to say Studies show that black people are more likely
19:06
to describe the physical symptoms of depression, such such as tiredness and loss of
19:12
appetite, more so than emotional problems like sadness and hopelessness. And when we
19:26
talk about the physical symptoms, we just chalk it up to, oh,
19:32
I've been working a whole lot, the kids, my job, when really
19:38
it's depression. We're not telling people we're sad. We're not telling people we
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feel like we can't make it. And I think one of the reasons why
19:56
is because we don't trust people, because a lot of people love to turn
20:03
around and use this against you. They love to go and talk about you
20:08
instead of helping the person. They love to talk. And that's the sad
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part is you have a person or people out here that are really hurting,
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that really truly need to help and don't have anybody to talk to because people
20:23
don't want to listen. People want to make the conversations about themselves. I
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made a post a few weeks ago and said, if a person reaches out
20:37
to you, listen and don't try to make the conversation about yourself something along
20:41
those lines, because that tends to happen. I had to learn that myself.
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You know that if a person is calling me to vent, I have
20:52
to stop turning the conversation about myself and be the ear. Sometimes people don't
20:57
want your unsoless to that advice. Some people just want an ear. Some
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people just want to call you and say, hey, this is what I'm
21:06
going through and just want you to listen. I've learned that when a person's
21:15
going through something, I have to stop and say, hold u wait,
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we're not talking about me. Let's talk about you what's going on. And
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I've gotten better with it. I've gotten better with listening. I've gotten better
21:30
with not giving unsolicited advice. I've learned how to encourage, how to empower,
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how to love and pour into the person in that moment. That's one
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of the most beautiful things that I've learned along the way of getting out of
21:52
my depression, of getting over my anxiety, of getting especially my social anxiety.
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I've learned that. So I've learned to give that back to others and
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say, hey, you know what, you got it? What do you
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need from me? You need me to just to listen, Okay, no
22:10
problem, and I'm gonna be quiet. You want to cry? Okay,
22:15
let's cry together. But we're not gonna cry all day. We're gonna cry
22:21
for a few minutes, and then tomorrow we're gonna work on whatever a solution
22:23
is. Because I don't want you to be in a dark space. I
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don't want you to be in a dark I want you to be able to
22:30
come out and celebrate and be in the light and appreciate the light. That's
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what I've learned how to do. So Phebe says, you know my story,
22:44
and I do struggle every day. Yes, yes, yes, I
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do. I'm learning how to get through it every day. Excuse me.
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I thank god I have a having people like you in my life that give
22:53
me that rough, tough love to help me see the better side of things.
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I appreciate hearing you in my head when I get to those spaces.
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I love you dearly, and thank you for always being open and honest,
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she says, I thank god, I thank god you have spaces like this.
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Let me tell you, if there were no spaces like this, where
23:17
else would we go other than therapy. A lot of people are embarrassed to
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say that they're depressed, and people love going and talking about you. Girl.
23:37
Yeah, you know so and so lost a job. You know,
23:40
girl, you know shit going through with a husband. Girl, you know
23:42
she going through with a baby, dad or whatever the situation. People love
23:45
that, and this is why people don't talk. This is why people shut
23:51
down because they're embarrassed to share because of situations like this. But I'm here
24:00
to tell you don't never be ashamed of who you are and where you are,
24:07
because let me tell you something, and very sane people that are oh,
24:11
girl, this or girl are going through it. They're just not talking
24:14
about it. How about that before you come and point fingers at me,
24:22
sweep around your own feet because people love to ridicule other people's struggle, But
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don't never forget God sits time but looks low. So your situation may become
24:41
someone else's situation. A very same person that's laughing at you, this may
24:45
become their situation. So be careful who you poke fun at. But back
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to what I was saying to you, bib, I open in spaces like
25:00
this because I didn't have spaces like this. I wanted Black Girl Interrupted,
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and I've made Black Girl Interrupted a space where we could laugh, where we
25:11
could joke and share with no judgment. I didn't do this, and I
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tell y'all all the time, I didn't do this for me. I did
25:21
this for y'all. It may have started because I was in a dark space,
25:26
because I had to create a safe space for me to be able to
25:29
vent. I opened it up for y'all. I do this for everybody.
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I do this for the men. I do this for the women because I
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understand what it's like not to have a space to go in and be free
25:41
and to be who you are without the judgment. I know what that feels
25:45
like. And I was determined, y'all about to make me cry. I
25:49
was determined not to let another person suffer. This is why I do everything
25:57
that I do. It's because I know what it's like to suffer. I
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know what it's like to sit in the dark. I know what it's like
26:03
to feel alone. I know what it's like to feel like you don't have
26:07
anybody to talk to. I know it feels like when you try to talk
26:08
to somebody they don't understand your thoughts and they just say, oh, well,
26:12
just pray. I get all of that, and this is why I
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open up this space, because you can do all of that in here and
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there's no judgment. If y'all made me cry, y'all just make me cry.
26:23
If you need me to love on you, I'm here to love on
26:26
you. I'm here to pour into you. I'm here to empower. I'm
26:27
here to encourage you because I want you to know you are needed here.
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That's why I do what I do. This is why I open spaces like
26:40
this every week, so we could come in here and we could talk,
26:44
and we could get everything out so we could have a better day tomorrow.
26:48
If we can have a better day on Saturday, a better day on Wednesday,
26:51
a better day on Monday. This is why I do what I do.
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This is why this space is open. This is why I encourage y'all
26:57
share your stories because you don't know if your story is helping somebody else.
27:03
Because your test will become your testimony. So this is why we do what
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we do. On Black Girl Interrupted, b B says, I love when
27:15
you listen and you give advice. I may not want to hear it,
27:18
but I be needing it and I can't express how much I appreciate you for
27:21
being my sister and my friend. No thanks warranted. I appreciate the love
27:29
and the accolades. I do, but I do this. I enjoy doing
27:36
this. I want a short for people the same way I want y'all to
27:41
show up for me. I want to show up for y'all. I want
27:45
y'all to be the best that y'all could be. Like what the armies say,
27:48
what is it? Be the best you could be. I don't know
27:52
if that's the Army or I don't know. Y'all correct me if I'm wrong,
27:56
but I always want y'all to show up and be the best that you
27:59
could be. That's what it is the navy. The Army does say that
28:02
to be the best that you could be. I want y'all to see what
28:04
I see. I want y'all to know that I think y'all are phenomenal,
28:08
that I think you are great, that I think you're fantastic. But I
28:14
also want you to know that I walk with you. I don't walk behind
28:18
you, I don't walk in front of you. We're on this depression journey
28:22
together. We're on this healing journey together. We're over We're here to overcome
28:26
these these obstacles, these weapons that God say will form but won't prosper.
28:32
We're here, We're in this together. Baby, You're not by yourself.
28:37
I may be in the light, but God gave me to give to pull
28:41
you out of the doc, to pull you into the light with me.
28:42
That's why I do what I do. This is why we have these conversations.
28:47
Do y'all not understand and realize how high the suicide rate is in the
28:52
black community because we don't have enough spaces like this because there's disparities in the
28:59
black community. There's no resources for black people to go and seek therapy.
29:07
This is why more spaces like this need to be open for people. This
29:12
is why we need to be able to sit down and have these conversations and
29:15
share. No, it's not trauma bonding, because I know a lot of
29:21
y'all like the trauma bond two and I know a lot of people get it
29:25
misconstrued. But it's almost like when you go to group therapy. I guess
29:30
this is what we want to call it group therapy, a group session where
29:34
we get in here and we talk. And I love when you guys share
29:37
your stories because you know what, you peel back one band aid every time,
29:45
and every band aid you pull off, you're one step closer to being
29:48
healed. You're one step closer to being able to turn your test into a
29:53
test themoning. But until we have to love on the people, oh that
30:00
aren't just quite ready yet. And I understand. That's why I do what
30:07
I do. This is why Black Girl Interrupted exists because we're black girls,
30:12
black women, black boys, black men that deal with interruptions every day and
30:15
we just don't know how to deal with it. We don't know how to
30:19
channel our emotions. We don't know. This is why I have these spaces.
30:26
This is why I have these conversations. I have these real and uncut
30:30
conversations. This is not scripted. These are my stories. These are experiences
30:34
that I've encountered, or these are experiences that I've encountered with other people.
30:40
That's what this is all about. This is exactly what black Girl Interrupted it's
30:45
all about. So you'll go back and I look at it and it says
30:52
some of the common potential risk factors for depression include a family history depression,
31:00
mental illness, chronic stress, poor nutrition. So you gotta feed your soul,
31:10
you gotta feed your body if you're eating poorly. This is one of
31:15
the potential risk factors. The stress not being able to deal with life when
31:19
life comes at you unexpectedly, that could really send you in to a deeper
31:26
spy, a downward spiral, something traumatic, the loss of the loss of
31:32
a loved one, a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend,
31:36
a sister, a relative. I just buried my cousin saturday. Just
31:48
found out a really good friend of mine passed away on the fifteenth. I
31:56
just buried my aunt not even a year ago, and here we are burying
32:01
my cousin. My daughter loses her father two months ago. I'm dealing with
32:07
her, trying to get her through. So yeah, I have to watch
32:14
those triggers. But all of that contributes to depression. Being there for everybody
32:23
and no one's showing up for you can drain you. Having a family member
32:30
that suffers from some type of mental illness, whether it be bipolar disorder,
32:39
whether it be anxiety, schizophrenia, depression. That's why we gotta have these
32:49
spaces. Brittany goes on to say, She says, it's so healthy to
32:54
have spaces like this. It's such a blessing. I'm so proud of you.
32:58
Never forget it, baby, God made you for this, and I
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thank God for this, and you for being as open as you are.
33:04
I have to be because how would you let me, let me, let
33:10
me, let me go back? Transparency least the healing. Being open and
33:21
honest, not only with yourself but with people around you promote healing. So
33:30
if I can't be transparent and uncut with you guys, then who else can
33:37
I be that with. I haven't done what I'm supposed to do with If
33:44
I get on here and I'm making I'm making stories up. You know.
33:52
I was talking to my daughter the other day Sunday. As a matter of
33:58
fact, she's excited to be in therapy. I say that to say therapy
34:08
is okay. Therapy could be a wonderful thing, a beautiful thing. It
34:14
definitely can. But you gotta put in the work. You gotta want to
34:20
be happy. You gotta know, you gotta not want to be in the
34:23
dark anymore. You have to excuse me. You have to want that.
34:29
We can want it for you all day, but you have to want it
34:30
for yourself. And you have to know that it doesn't come overnight. It
34:37
doesn't happen overnight. It's a journey three years, y'all, for me,
34:42
three years to finally get in a space where I feel I finally feel free,
34:52
where I'm no longer letting my depression control my life. Because that's what
34:57
I was doing, y'all. I was an people pointed out to me,
35:00
and you just don't seem like yourself. Oh I'm good, I'm good.
35:07
And that's what we do. That's what we do. We tell people,
35:15
oh, I'm good, because we're trying to convince ourselves we're okay when really,
35:20
deep down, we're really not. That's depression. When you start to
35:28
withdraw from the things that you like or love to do, that's depression.
35:37
When you're not showing up for your loved ones like you should. You're sinking
35:45
into that black hole. And how can we see you and help you If
35:52
that's where you are. I want you all to come out of the dark.
36:02
I want you to be in the light. The light is a beautiful
36:07
place. The light, y'all is. It's phenomenal, and I understand the
36:19
dark feel safe, I understand. But the dark can also be dangerous being
36:31
alone in your thoughts. Mm hmmm. I don't mind no good because it
36:42
allows those intrusive thoughts to creep into your mind. When you sit in the
36:46
dark, the longer you sit in the dark, and that's not what you
36:54
want. I can recall after my father passed away. I can remember,
37:08
you know, yeah, I'm okay, I'll be all right. You know,
37:10
I cried, you know. But then when the reality of it set,
37:15
in the dark became my light. The dark became a safe place for
37:28
me because see, in the dark, I felt like harm can't come to
37:32
you in a dark, because people can't get to you when the dark and
37:38
then those intrusive thoughts started to interject, and it became a thing. Every
37:52
day I got deeper and deeper and deeper down into the hole. I felt
38:00
like I was drowning. But I would go to work. I was laughing,
38:09
joking, playing with people, but in reality, I was drowning.
38:20
My thoughts would go up and down, they would be high and low.
38:23
It started to show my in in my podcast. I gave up doing this
38:31
so many times, and I wanted to hold onto it, but I was
38:38
like, I can't do this, Like, uh, I don't. I
38:42
don't enjoy doing this anymore. You know, I've lost my dad, my
38:45
niece, everything, my godmother passes away. I'm I'm finding out who's really
38:52
a friend who's not not knowing that I was really depressed. Then I got
39:07
into therapy. Then I started to hear those little voices, get up,
39:16
You're bigger than this, You're stronger than this. Because I had really made
39:22
myself believe I can't get through this. Man, my dad is dead,
39:27
Like, how am I gonna go on and live life? Then my godmother,
39:32
who is like another mother to me, who I loved her life she
39:37
was my mom, passes away a year and six days after I lose my
39:43
father. Damn why you keep doing to this to me? God? Like?
39:49
Why? So that pushed me back into the hole that I had got
39:55
out of. I'm an old passes away? Damn you? So I'm back
40:12
in this hole again, diagnosed with lupis. In between all of this,
40:22
how do I tell my children? How do I tell my mom? How
40:29
do I tell people without people feeling sorry for me? So it's safe for
40:35
me in the dark, It was absolutely safe because it's like, now my
40:44
life is even more disrupted. You know, I'm dealing with another interruption.
40:51
How do I get through this? So I reach you back out to my
41:04
therapist and I tell her, I just it's it's gotten too dark for me.
41:10
I got my sister Jewel in one ear, Ashley, I know it
41:15
hurt, but you gotta get up. I got my boyfriend in my ear
41:22
telling me, Baye, you gotta get up. What you're doing is amazing.
41:32
My baby is my children. You know I gotta be here for them.
41:42
My children need me. So day by day I would come a little
41:49
closer to the light. Day by day I would fall some days, but
41:59
I get back up. I got back into doing my podcast, my safe
42:06
space. In every episode, I started to enjoy it a little more.
42:14
Now, mind y'all, in the midst of all of this, I'm loving
42:20
on myself a little bit more. Every day. The light is starting to
42:27
get a little closer. Black Girl interrupted. This space is becoming a little
42:32
more safer for me. I push. Then I have my hysterectomy, and
42:47
that sets me back. Damn, here we go again. That's all I
43:00
say, is here we go again. I finally go to my doctor and
43:08
I say, you know what, I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating.
43:14
I need something. My mind is racing, so I prescribing medication. So
43:24
I went to him. You know, I'm still in therapy. I'm back
43:37
up on the horse. Again. I'm riding, getting back closer to the
43:45
light, because remember, y'all, I felt I fell down and this time
43:51
I wanted to stay there. And then I hear these voices. You could
44:01
do it, Ashley. You're stronger than that, be bigger than this.
44:06
Yes that was my sister. Yes that was Big Daddy saying that you had
44:15
a story to tell here I am. I made a promise to myself that
44:28
everything that happened from twenty twenty one to now, I was not allowing that
44:36
to follow me into twenty twenty four. So I made a promise to myself.
44:45
I put those boundaries back up. I started taking time for myself so
44:52
I don't get back in that space. Even though I've had three deaths in
45:01
two months. It triggered me a little bit, it did, but I'm
45:12
not in it anymore. I want to be happy. I want y'all to
45:21
be happy. The reason I share my stories or my experiences, things that
45:27
I've been through is because I want to encourage somebody else. I want people
45:36
to know that it's okay to fall down, just don't stay there. It's
45:45
okay to grieve when you lose somebody, just don't let that grief consume your
45:52
life. It's okay to reach out for help. It's okay to tell people
46:05
you're not okay. It's okay. I just don't want to see another rip
46:16
behind a person's name because they couldn't get the help that they needed. Do
46:29
I advocate for therapy? I absolutely do, in line with prayer. See
46:39
both is what helped me. Because you don't do anything with God. You
46:50
can overcome any obstacle with God in therapy. Being in a light, y'all
47:01
is I have to say this again, it's it's a beautiful thing being able
47:12
to have a circle of friends that you could talk to, invent to to
47:20
talk you down off the ledge. It's even greater. You know. I
47:29
read a post I can't recall who posted it, but somebody said, uh,
47:36
be a weatherman. If a person is in the rain, cover them,
47:42
learn to be a weatherman or cover them up and instead of allowing them
47:45
to get wet something along those lines. I can't and I should have remembered
47:51
the quote. But y'all know I do this off the rip like I don't.
47:53
This is not script that I don't write things down, but cover people,
48:05
let them know that they're okay. Pay attention to the signs and the
48:14
symptoms. You know, check on your strong friends, because that strong friend
48:22
maybe the one that you gotta cover, the one that's always been there for
48:25
everybody else, maybe the very same person you need to protect, that you
48:30
need to cover, you know, And I look at I did write some
48:37
of the symptoms down to look or so. It says, though the specific
48:45
ways or symptoms of depression show up, yes, they can vary from person
48:52
to person. The few common signs include the loss of interest and activities overall,
48:59
feelings of hopelessness, changes in sleeper appetite, or thoughts of self harm
49:05
or suicide. Those are the signs that we have to look for. That's
49:10
what I mean when I say check on your strong friends, the ones that
49:15
are strong, the ones that are there for everybody, because they may really
49:20
need you. And I asked that you do it through love. Don't do
49:27
it to run back and gossip. Oh yeah, girl, I talk to
49:30
so and so. Girl. Yeah, you know she over there going through
49:32
with her baby daddy, or you know her husband left, or you know
49:36
she just got laid. That's why people don't talk, because y'all poke fun
49:42
at that that person came to you and confidence to talk to you and say
49:52
this is what's going on. Thank you for calling me, thank you for
49:55
checking up on me, thank you for texting me, thank you for just
50:01
listening. That's what you're That's how you're supposed to show up, not go
50:09
to get the tea, to go and tell somebody else the tea, because
50:15
y'all love spilling the tea, but won't spill your own. I said it.
50:25
Y'all love telling what's going on in someone else's life, but you fail
50:30
or neglected to tell us what's going on in yours. This is what makes
50:37
it hard for people to open up and talk to people that in the fear
50:45
of being rejected, or you overpowering the conversation by saying, oh, yeah,
50:50
I know what you've been through. Girl, I'm going through it too,
50:52
and girlan did it? Sometimes just be an ear. Sometimes just listen
51:02
to a person when they're talking to you. We understand you've experienced that you've
51:09
been through it. But if I'm calling you to talk to you, I'm
51:14
really calling you the vent. I don't want your unsolicited advice. I don't,
51:17
I don't I just want to vent. I just need to unpack the
51:22
date. I just need to be able to say, man, today was
51:24
one of those days for me. Man, it was it was just And
51:29
all I want to hear is say, well, tell me about your day,
51:30
what happened? What made your day not good? That's all people want
51:37
to hear. I'm calling you to unpack. I'm calling you to help me
51:47
sort through these dirty clothes and these clean clothes. I'm calling so you can
51:52
help me make sense of what I've got going on? Is am I crazy?
51:58
Fulfiling this way? That's all I want, won't? And then some
52:02
words of encouragement. That's all we want to hear. When a person calls
52:09
you and they're going through something, don't overpower the conversation with what you got
52:15
going on. I want to be able to pick up the phone and say,
52:22
hasis man, today was a day and I want to hear you say,
52:28
ask you what happened? Girl? What happened? Talk to me?
52:32
And then I say, well you know what, man? Is this job
52:36
or man? Let me tell you my man or Gertie's kids or something,
52:43
and then it shall be Ashley, You're strong, you got this. You've
52:49
been down this road before you and you've overcome it. That's what we want
52:55
a lot of times. Not girl. I understand, girl, because you
53:00
know I'm going through it with my baby daddy too, girl, and you
53:04
know he didn't pick them. Now, you basically turned the conversation and made
53:09
it about you. Is that fair? This is why people don't talk,
53:20
This is why people don't share, and in this habit, y'all that's and
53:29
don't feel I just want y'all to let me. Let me. Let me
53:31
just put a disclaimer. This is not to beat anybody down. This is
53:36
I'm not chastising you, because we're all guilty of doing that. You have
53:39
a friend call you and they're like, girl, yeah, this is what
53:43
happened at work, and you're like, girl, yeah, I understand.
53:45
Girl. I got this person that work with me and before you know,
53:46
you done took over the whole conversation. We're all guilty of doing that.
53:52
But we also have to learn to be courteous and genuine with people when people
53:59
are calling and really truly listen to them, because what if that person hangs
54:04
up that phone and they take their life, then you're left with the regret.
54:07
Man I was the last person she talked to. Man, she calling
54:13
and she tried to tell me what was going on, but I was telling
54:16
her about my dad. And so sometimes we have to unlearn certain behaviors,
54:28
certain things. We have to unlearn that. And like I said, we're
54:32
all guilty that this is not the bash or beat anybody down. I'm not
54:37
trying to chastise y'all in any kind of way. But all I'm saying is
54:44
just be that shoulder that a person can come to and cry or release or
54:51
get whatever it is off their shoulder, off their brain. Just be there
54:54
for them and help them to put the weight down. It's like carrying furniture.
55:00
You can't carry a sofa by yourself. You need another person to help
55:04
you, right, So think of it that way. If I'm calling,
55:08
girl, I got this heavy sofa, can you help me carry it upstairs?
55:13
Or can you help me carry it downstairs? Can you help me put
55:15
it in a car? In other words, I'm asking you, can you
55:20
help me get over this hump because I this lord has gotten a little too
55:24
heaven. I just need someone to help me, help me unpack it.
55:27
I just need someone to help me lay it down. That's it. Just
55:32
think about that the next time a person calls you and says man, I'd
55:37
be like, hold up, let me go get let me go, get
55:39
me some juice or something. Let me prod my feet up, and let's
55:45
talk about what's going on. Let me hear about your day. Because I
55:52
know depression is a hell of a thing. I know the dark looks like
55:57
a safe space. I know that's what it looks like. I get it.
56:02
I totally understand it. But as a friend, as a sister,
56:08
I'm supposed to pull you back into the light with me. I'm never supposed
56:15
to let you fall. I'm supposed to push you back up when you're slipping.
56:19
Hey, come on, get up, Get up. We take a
56:23
bath, wash your face, brush your teeth, pull your hair back,
56:30
put some clothes on. That's what I'm supposed to do. We may not
56:37
be going on web, but get up. Let's clean this house, Let's
56:44
get rid of some things. Let's let's rearrange some things. That's what I'm
56:52
supposed to do, and vice versa. That's how you help a person get
57:01
out of the rut. I'm not saying you got to carry the whole load,
57:08
because that's that you don't, but be there for somebody the same way
57:16
you will want somebody to be there for you, show up for them.
57:21
You have to learn how to be unselfish sometimes with boundaries, though, let
57:30
me say that with boundaries, you have to know when a person is dreaming
57:39
you too. You have to know that when you're pouring into somebody it's equally
57:45
yoke. You have to know that you can't let a person deplete you and
57:57
you're left empty. You have to know that depression is you're able to able
58:12
to overcome it if you want to. Some people feel like leaving the world
58:20
is their only option, but I want someone to know that it's not.
58:28
I want to encourage somebody. I want to love on somebody. I want
58:32
to pour into somebody and let them know I love you. I want someone
58:44
to know that you're needed. You know. I want somebody to know that.
58:52
I know life gets hard, but it also gets better. I know
59:06
people say I just wanted to all be over. I'm tired of the pain.
59:13
I know I felt that same way six times, and every time God
59:28
wouldn't let me do it. My children wouldn't let me do it. The
59:35
circle of people around me wouldn't let me do it. So I had to
59:39
dig deep down and find my purpose. I encourage you tonight before you lay
59:50
down way the pros and the cons. You have more to live for than
1:00:07
to go away. I know you may can't see it right now, but
1:00:15
you do. You have so much life left in you. Don't take it,
1:00:31
don't end it. I know it's easier said than done, that I
1:00:39
do know, but try fight, fight your way through the dog. The
1:00:53
light is there. Kick those walls down and let the light in. I
1:01:08
want you all to do that. I want you here. Your presence is
1:01:17
warranted and necessary. So many things left for us to do here. We
1:01:32
haven't conquered the world yet. I'm kidding no, But seriously, we gotta
1:01:39
go and conquer the world. There are so many places that we need to
1:01:44
go. Life is worth living it RelA truly is. Life is a beautiful
1:01:59
gift. M It's a beautiful thing. So I challenge everyone over this great
1:02:17
holiday weekend, do something beautiful for yourself. Get up, go outside,
1:02:30
breathing some of this air. I mean, I'm telling myself this, y'all,
1:02:34
so follow with me. I'm telling myself to do this cause y'all know
1:02:37
I don't like to go outside. Mm mm. I like being in my
1:02:39
house. Y'all know I don't like being around a whole lot of people,
1:02:43
but I don't. I don't. I'm working on that, okay, So
1:02:45
y'all don't get on me. I'm working on that. But a lot of
1:02:51
that came through my depression. Was I got so used to being alone.
1:02:55
I got so used to being in my house. It took me three years
1:03:02
to get this way. I hope it don't take you another three years.
1:03:06
Don't do it. But but I get out part of y'all. I go
1:03:10
hang out with my kids. I do stuff with my kids. That's about
1:03:14
it. I do stuff with Big Daddy if he's not asleep. But you
1:03:22
know, get out the house. Stop looking at those four walls every day.
1:03:34
Do something fun, even if it's just running to the grocery store,
1:03:37
even if it's just running and go on, putting gas in your car,
1:03:42
Get out of the house, take yourself to the movies. Because depression is
1:03:51
it's not a state of mind you want to sit in anymore. And I
1:03:59
tell you, being able to be free has brought me so much peace and
1:04:08
so much joy. It's almost I'm no longer a prisoner in my own jail,
1:04:19
if that makes sense. Because that's what depression is. Depression is like
1:04:26
you're a prisoner in your in your own mind. It's up to us to
1:04:31
remove those shackles. It's up to us to say, you know what,
1:04:36
I really want to be happy and truly genuinely mean you want to be happy.
1:04:47
Mhm h. I just want to see you in the light. I
1:05:04
just want to see you be all that you can be. I just want
1:05:15
you to know depression does not have to be your final destination, doesn't have
1:05:24
to be Allow the people around you that really truly love you pull you back
1:05:32
into the light. I guess I'm going to into the final thoughts. I'm
1:05:36
so sorry about that. Excuse me. You're safe, you are find your
1:06:02
purpose amongst all the pain. What are there things that you want to do
1:06:11
that you haven't done yet? Get out and do them. Like I stated,
1:06:19
I know life in life. I know things happen. Life happened to
1:06:31
me. And after six attempts, y'all, I'm still here. Don't sit
1:06:45
by yourself, reach out for help. You know, if it gets too
1:06:53
deep for you, please call the number that's on the screen. Let me
1:06:59
move the band out of the way. And that's the suicide prevention Lifeline to
1:07:08
one eight hundred two seven three eighty two fifty five. Don't suffer by yourself,
1:07:20
don't be alone. There's help out there. This number you have people
1:07:28
standing by twenty four hours, seven days a week, three hundred and sixty
1:07:32
five days a year. Well three sixty six because the day is this year
1:07:35
is leap yer. But if you're ever in a crisis, if you don't
1:07:42
call that number called nine one one, call somebody please, because again I
1:07:49
would rather you call somebody than for you to have rip behind you name.
1:08:03
I love y'all. I'm so proud of you. I hope whatever life has
1:08:14
thrown your way you overcome. I'm not saying it's not okay to be sad,
1:08:24
because it's okay. You're human and those are emotions. But don't sit
1:08:30
in it, don't wallow in it. Get up when things happen. Life
1:08:41
doesn't stop, bills don't stop, none of that stops. I want you
1:08:48
to keep going, show the world who you are. Let the world see
1:08:56
you. And when the world sees you, smile baby. I mean,
1:09:00
I want you to get up and I want you to show all those teeth
1:09:03
in your mouth. Even if you got a tooth missing on the side.
1:09:06
That was a joke, y'all. That was to lighten the mood a little
1:09:09
bit. But I really do. Let the world see how beautiful you are.
1:09:19
Because you're beautiful, your gorgeous, You're amazing, You're a star,
1:09:35
you're a legend, your greatness. You tell yourself, tell yourself that every
1:09:42
day. Get up every day and get in that mirror and see, I'm
1:09:45
beautiful, I'm handsome, I'm great, I'm loved. Because you gotta change
1:09:50
the way you speak over yourself. Also, we gotta stop saying, oh,
1:09:58
I can't do this, I can't do this. Yes you can.
1:10:05
It's what twenty six letters in the alphabet plan A don't work, or to
1:10:15
plan B, Plan be don't work. You go to plan see and so
1:10:19
on and so forth. You can do this. I believe in you.
1:10:30
I know what you're capable of. I know your abilities. I know you've
1:10:34
been down before and you got up. Life is gonna always come and knock
1:10:40
you down. You just gotta get up. You gotta get up. And
1:10:53
later, what is laying there gonna do. It's not gonna make the situation
1:10:59
better. And I'm gonna end on that. I love y'all. You're beautiful,
1:11:14
you're great, you're phenomenal, your excellence, you're all of that.
1:11:20
And not only am I saying that to y'all, I'm telling myself that because
1:11:27
there are days I don't feel beautiful. But that's only when I'm sitting idle,
1:11:33
when I got a lot going on and I'm just yeah, But I
1:11:39
have to remind myself. So I tell y'all what I say to myself.
1:11:42
Every day, you got twenty four hours in a day, make twenty three
1:11:48
of them count. Of course, you gotta get your sleep into. You
1:11:55
gotta get all that into. So, as y'all know, Monday is Memorial
1:12:02
Day. So I want to say salute to the lost military personnel that we've
1:12:12
lost. It's that's what it's or it's about them, to memorialize them.
1:12:20
So rip to my father who was in the army was no longer here with
1:12:27
us, to anyone that has lost a loved one that was military. Uh,
1:12:33
this is for y'all. We're gonna celebrate. There we go, y'all,
1:12:39
my light about the fall over, There we'll go. So I want
1:12:45
everyone to have a safe and happy Memorial Day. Next week I will bring
1:12:53
mental health Awareness to a close. So we will close out talking about suicide.
1:13:02
Mm hmm, yeah, we have to have that conversation. I will
1:13:11
also spend the block and throw in schizophrenia as well as bipolar disorder. So
1:13:17
that is for Tuesday and Thursday of next week, and then uh yeah,
1:13:29
that's for Tuesday, and then Thursday will be I've already done it, you
1:13:38
know what, I'm gonna double back and do it again on Thursday. We're
1:13:41
gonna do talk talk about it Thursday, because I know some of y'all got
1:13:45
a lot to talk about so Wednesday, so Tuesday we will close out,
1:13:50
uh, mental health Awareness month. But of course the conversations about mental health
1:13:56
will never will never end. I have those all the time. But Thursday
1:14:00
will be talk talk Let's talk about it Thursday. So bring whatever topics or
1:14:04
conversations to the table, because babe, we're gonna get into it. We
1:14:11
gonna get into it. Those are the upcoming episodes or a Black Girl Interrupted
1:14:15
again. Don't forget. Black Girl Interrupted goes live every Tuesday every Thursday,
1:14:19
eight thirty pm Central Time, nine thirty Eastern Time. Effective June first,
1:14:26
I will be switching up the format, as I stated to you guys.
1:14:29
So I will still keep the topics, but I will do I will tap
1:14:35
it on a Monday and do a mental month. I will swap a Monday
1:14:38
for like a a Tuesday for like a Monday to do mental Mondays. And
1:14:43
then I will swap a Thursday for a Wednesday to do wellness Wednesdays. And
1:14:46
then again at the end of the month, we'll do on the last Thursday
1:14:50
of the month. That will be let's talk about it Thursday. So we'll
1:14:54
just talk about anything. It won't be anything in particular to the topic of
1:14:58
the month, just whatever whatever you see on the news. If you want
1:15:01
to talk about something the story, bring it. Also, I am still
1:15:09
looking for people to participate in the panel that I'm trying to put together.
1:15:13
I am looking for for men for women again. This will be a five
1:15:19
part event. The first two days will be excuse me, the women talking.
1:15:28
Well, we're just gonna have just regular degular conversation, whether about relationships,
1:15:31
jobs, whatever, you know. But and then the next two days
1:15:41
will be we'll be listening to the fellas the men, where we'll hear what
1:15:45
the men, how the men feel about us women, you know, and
1:15:47
us women. We're gonna talk about the men. I do want to let
1:15:50
you know this will not be a bashing session. Let me let me put
1:15:55
the disclaimer out there, writing a hold on, I have a comment,
1:15:58
and then we're gonna go back. Vera says, hey, Sis, I
1:16:01
have I missed your show. I will go back and listen as I am
1:16:04
dealing with this right now. I love you. I love you too,
1:16:08
baby, and that's why I've given you your space. Whenever you're ready to
1:16:11
talk, you'll call. But just no depression. It's it's not a final
1:16:19
destination. And you know that. But you know I'm I'm always a phone
1:16:26
call or a text away. You know that you don't owe me an explanation
1:16:30
because I've been down this road with you before, and I already know that
1:16:33
when you come out of the dog, you'll you'll come back. But you'll
1:16:38
call me when you're ready. No pressure. I love you. Breathe on
1:16:45
that when everybody, I just need everyone to take a five second break,
1:16:49
just a quick, quick, quick exercise. And she says, I know
1:16:57
I'll call you soon. It's no pressure. You know when you're ready to
1:17:00
talk, you your call. We me and you we've we've we've done this
1:17:04
before I understand everything that's going on. You don't. You don't have to
1:17:11
explain, you know, I know, h everyone's sending love and light to
1:17:20
Javert. She is in a space that is not a normal space for her.
1:17:28
So I just asked that you guys love on her no matter where you
1:17:31
are, just love on her, keeping your thoughts, your prayers, because
1:17:35
we got to get her back out of the dark. Okay, So back
1:17:45
to uh what's saying. This is not a bashing session. This is not
1:17:51
what we're gonna get on here and we're gonna dog black men, or we're
1:17:55
gonna get on here and we're gonna dog black women. That's not what we're
1:17:58
doing. Okay, let me let y'all know that right now. This is
1:18:01
all about respect. This is all about learning how to communicate. This is
1:18:04
all about learning how to listen without all the people talking over everybody that.
1:18:12
That's not what we're doing. So the first two days I Get Again will
1:18:15
be for the women. The first two episodes will be us women. You
1:18:18
will listen, we will the men will listen to the women talking. What
1:18:23
do we like? What what don't we like about you? What? What
1:18:27
do we want? What do we go through as women in everyday life.
1:18:30
I'm also looking for L G B, t q I A plus couple as
1:18:33
well. So uh Shanda, I need you and your wife the come on
1:18:40
bathing. But we'll also listen to the men, you know, we'll we'll
1:18:45
hear what the men have to say. This is a safe space for the
1:18:48
men. Men will be able to come in and be vulnerable and talk about
1:18:53
it anything they want. Same way with women. We're gonna be vulnerable and
1:18:57
we're also gonna be respectful. So those be the first two days for women,
1:19:01
the next two days for the men, and then on the fifth day,
1:19:03
we will all everyone that participated in the panel, we will all come
1:19:08
together and we'll talk about the takeaways. What did you learn from listening to
1:19:12
the women and women, what did you learn from listening to the men?
1:19:15
You know, that is what this panel is gonna be about. I want
1:19:19
to show the world that black people know how to communicate, that we know
1:19:24
how to listen. I am saying to you women as well as I'm gonna
1:19:29
say to the men, there will be no over talking one another. We're
1:19:33
all gonna be respectful. On Black Girl Interrupt that podcast, That's what we're
1:19:36
doing. Okay, So if you feel like you you you about to step
1:19:41
out of character, I will ask you to remove yourself in the most respectful
1:19:45
way. I'm not gonna post it and for the world to see. I
1:19:47
will politely send you a message and say, hey, you're doing a little
1:19:51
too much. If I have to say something one more time, I will
1:19:55
remove you, period, point blank. That's no explanation, okay, because
1:20:00
that's not what we're gonna do. We're gonna have a healthy dialogue. We're
1:20:02
gonna have healthy conversations again. Men want to know what do we want from
1:20:09
y'all? How do we make y'all feel? What happens you know when you
1:20:14
leave us or whatever the you know, whatever it is, and vice versa.
1:20:17
Women. Men want to know. You know, we're gonna listen,
1:20:20
man, what can we do better? You know what? What where have
1:20:24
we failed you at? You know? Those that's the common That's what we're
1:20:28
talking about. Okay, very respectful, very tasteful conversation. And again,
1:20:32
the first two days will be just the women on the panel, the next
1:20:35
two days will be just the fellas on the panel, and then at the
1:20:39
end we will see everyone together. So we're gonna see the men and the
1:20:43
women together to discuss their takeaways. You know, hey, mister X,
1:20:47
what did how did you feel about when Ashley said da da da da abac
1:20:54
whatever? You know, whatever I see and then I want to hear their
1:20:57
you know, their opinions. You know, it will be no over talking.
1:21:00
We're all gonna be kind and respectful and listen to what everyone has to
1:21:02
see. So that is the up Those are the upcoming episodes for A Black
1:21:06
Girl. Interrupted the podcast because I was not able to finish off the conversation
1:21:13
of sexual assault. I will pick that up in June. Okay, so
1:21:16
June we will talk about sexual assault awareness and of course we're gonna have our
1:21:20
mental Mondays, wellness Wednesdays as well as let's talk about it Thursday. So
1:21:26
y'all bring everything to these episodes. I just want to say, thank y'all
1:21:30
so much for tuning in tonight. I do apologize again for yesterday. Oh
1:21:35
my goodness, I'm about to break my glasses again. Happy Thursday. I
1:21:42
hope everyone has a beautiful weekend. I hope everyone stays safe to my people
1:21:45
in Houston. I hope y'all got power back on, because baby, that
1:21:50
tornado was something else. I'm cool. I was good, no damage,
1:21:56
no power outage over here except for my internet being out for like two hours.
1:22:00
But other than that, I hope everyone's continued to continues to stay safe.
1:22:04
I love y'all. I will see y'all next week, and I need
1:22:10
y'all to go out and be great. Be phenomenal, baby, be the
1:22:14
best that you can be, and don't let anyone tell you differently. So
1:22:19
I love y'all and I will see y'all Tuesday. Hella