Latest / The Becket Cook Show / From Abused to Prostitute to Gay to Freedom in Christ!

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From Abused to Prostitute to Gay to Freedom in Christ! · The Becket Cook Show

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: You are listening to The Beckett Cook Show with your
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: host Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry,
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: visit his website at Beckettcook dot com. To help support
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  Speaker 2: the podcast, visit Patreon dot com slash the Beckett Cook Show.
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  Speaker 2: Please consider subscribing to the podcast and leaving a five
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  Speaker 2: star rating.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Hey, guys, welcome to the show.
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  Speaker 4: My guest today is Carlos Katari, and he has an
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: amazing story of God's redemption. He from the age of
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  Speaker 4: five to twelve, he was sexually abused and then that
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  Speaker 4: led him into a crazy homosexual life. But then God
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  Speaker 4: had other plans for him, which we're going to find out.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: He has an amazing story. Please welcome Carlos.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you, Bickett, thank you for having me.
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  Speaker 3: I'm so glad to have you on the show.
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  Speaker 4: I think I've seen you on Facebook or somewhere. I've
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  Speaker 4: seen you for a while. I've seen you like, but
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  Speaker 4: I don't know how why we never connected until now.
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  Speaker 3: But I don't know what happened, but I'm glad we're finally.
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  Speaker 1: I haven't been working mostly in Spanish and French. That's
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: the reason.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, and you you're in Canada right now, right, Yeah,
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  Speaker 4: in Montreal, and you're from Venezuela.
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  Speaker 1: I'm from Venezuela, Caracas. No, that's four hours from Caracas.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so let's talk about Venezuela.
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  Speaker 4: Let's talk about your childhood first.
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  Speaker 3: What you said.
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  Speaker 4: You say that from the age of five to twelve
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  Speaker 4: you were sexually abused.
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  Speaker 3: What what was going on? And where were your parents?
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  Speaker 1: You know, usually I speak about about sexual abuse, and
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I said that there are two kinds of sexual abuse.
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  Speaker 1: There is a kind of abuse that is violent. So
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  Speaker 1: the kid that is experience experiencing that, it's going to
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  Speaker 1: somehow show show that it's something that's happened to him.
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  Speaker 1: But in my case, it was not violent. It was
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  Speaker 1: it was persuasive, it was with pleasure. So I enjoyed
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  Speaker 1: being sexually abused. Why I'm saying this.
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  Speaker 3: Because like, was it a family member?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a family member, but at the end
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  Speaker 1: it went to four different men.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, and it happened from five to twelve. So
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  Speaker 1: the issues that everything started as a game, as just
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  Speaker 1: as a play. You know, we were playing, we were
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  Speaker 1: just you know, he said to me, check I have
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  Speaker 1: this here, do you have something, you have a birdmark,
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  Speaker 1: and I said, oh, maybe, and then you I started
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  Speaker 1: just joining to him, and then he started touching, and
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  Speaker 1: then I started having enjoying it the touch, and that way,
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  Speaker 1: after he hooked me up with the pleasure of touching me,
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  Speaker 1: everything goes to a deeper level. And it happened from
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  Speaker 1: from five to twelve. I would say hundreds and hundreds
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  Speaker 1: of times.
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  Speaker 3: Wow. And so did you where were your parents? Did
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  Speaker 3: they know that this was going on?
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  Speaker 1: No, of course not. And on the other side is
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  Speaker 1: as I said, my mom always talked to us about
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  Speaker 1: taking care of bad people, no trusting no one. But
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  Speaker 1: then it was happening inside inside of the family, so
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  Speaker 1: it was very difficult for her. And you know, now
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  Speaker 1: I am a parent, I am a father, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: so tired sometimes that i would just need someone to
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  Speaker 1: help me with help us with the babies. That then
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  Speaker 1: you understand why sometimes parents trust other people because we
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  Speaker 1: are so so exhausted. So I said, wow, this is
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  Speaker 1: what happened to me. We were four siblings and my
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  Speaker 1: mom was so tired. So it was a cousin who
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  Speaker 1: who sexually abused me, and just a cousin, so he
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  Speaker 1: appeared just like an angel, just in the middle of
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  Speaker 1: the worst moment. He was there, used to help. So
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  Speaker 1: it was it was evil. It was very evil.
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  Speaker 3: And where was your dad at this time?
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  Speaker 1: My father and my parents they divorced when I was seven,
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  Speaker 1: So at the moment they divorced, it was it was
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  Speaker 1: already going back. I remember that my father rejected me
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  Speaker 1: somehow because I was feminine, and you know that in
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  Speaker 1: the match of Latino culture is not very well welcome
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  Speaker 1: to be dedicated, to be sensitive, and I felt that rejection.
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  Speaker 1: On the other hand, my mom was so strict. She was,
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  Speaker 1: in fact the principle of the school, and it was
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  Speaker 1: a military school. You can't have an idea how strict
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  Speaker 1: she was. And so I always felt that I wasn't
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  Speaker 1: enough for my father and I wasn't enough neither for
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  Speaker 1: my mom. And at the same time I was being
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  Speaker 1: sexually molested.
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  Speaker 4: So it was like the perfect It was like the
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  Speaker 4: perfect storm of exact things that come together.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, and the and the and the point about
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  Speaker 1: saying that it was pleased on that I enjoyed being
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  Speaker 1: sexually abused. What I'm what I'm saying this is because
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  Speaker 1: I felt guilty of enjoying it. So I felt responsible
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  Speaker 1: because I said, Okay, I liked this. I cannot be
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  Speaker 1: pointing to one for what I experienced because I enjoyed.
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  Speaker 1: Years old, you know.
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  Speaker 3: That you probably enjoyed.
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  Speaker 4: You probably enjoyed the attention right from because you weren't
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  Speaker 4: getting you didn't have that connection with your father, so
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  Speaker 4: you were getting this attention from men.
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  Speaker 1: No, and said that in my case it was extremely sexual.
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  Speaker 1: It was the sexual pleasure, the physical physical touch. Wow.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, and and why did it stop.
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  Speaker 1: It? Well, okay, it happens that something happened. I remember
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  Speaker 1: one day I was with my dad. We were in
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  Speaker 1: in a in a in a shop and a friend
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  Speaker 1: of him appeared and he came to him and looking
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  Speaker 1: to me and the eyes said to my dad, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: this is your son, the one that is gay. He
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  Speaker 1: just said like that out of nowhere. And I was
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  Speaker 1: like twelve years old. I knew already what it was
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  Speaker 1: to be to be a and I didn't want to
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  Speaker 1: be discovered. So when that man said that to my father,
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  Speaker 1: my father just looked at me and said, ah, reply
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  Speaker 1: back said something, talk back to him, and I couldn't.
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  Speaker 1: I hope he would defend me. I hoped he would
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  Speaker 1: just say something to that, to that friend of him,
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  Speaker 1: but he didn't, and that moment I was so filled
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  Speaker 1: with the bitterness that I remember that when we leave
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  Speaker 1: that place, I said, inside of my heart, you think
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  Speaker 1: I'm gay, just prepare yourself because you're gonna know the
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  Speaker 1: gayest man ever in your life. And that's I said
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  Speaker 1: that to myself. And at that moment, it's like I
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  Speaker 1: just decided to do not to be serving the abusers.
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  Speaker 1: I just decided to go by myself and contact other men.
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  Speaker 1: So I just I just took it by my hands.
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  Speaker 3: And did you and you got involved with prostitution, right?
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  Speaker 3: Is that correct?
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  Speaker 1: Before that? You know what happened that after I did
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  Speaker 1: this declaration of you know, revenge against my father, it
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  Speaker 1: was at that very moment that the gator appeared. I
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  Speaker 1: didn't have it. It was at that very moment that
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  Speaker 1: suddenly I was able to to see other men in
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  Speaker 1: his eyes and understanding he wanted to have sex with
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  Speaker 1: me also. So I saw that, I said, oh, now
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  Speaker 1: I have a superpower. You know. It's like I already
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  Speaker 1: enjoyed this and now I have a superpower because I
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  Speaker 1: can connect just by the eyes and that brought me
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  Speaker 1: to promiscuity in a high level, just being twelve thirteen
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  Speaker 1: years old, and eventually to the prostitution.
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  Speaker 3: And how long did the prostitution go on.
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  Speaker 1: The prostitution was not that long, but it was and
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  Speaker 1: it was not like public so I was not going
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  Speaker 1: to the street. I just went to to well. I
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  Speaker 1: was selling my services to one teacher at the school,
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  Speaker 1: then after that to a neighbor and then to a
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  Speaker 1: teacher at university. So it was that way, but it
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  Speaker 1: was for money.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, And then, so what happened next?
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  Speaker 3: So your mom told.
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  Speaker 4: You, Your mom told you that you were never sexually abused.
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  Speaker 3: What happened with your mom?
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  Speaker 1: No, what happened is that at the age of fifteen,
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  Speaker 1: I discover the LGBT community. Until that time, I experienced
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  Speaker 1: so much bullying at the school. I was bullied at
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  Speaker 1: my neighborhood. Even my oldest brother bullied me. And I
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  Speaker 1: felt like an alien. And I know you understand this
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  Speaker 1: because you feel rejected. And suddenly I understand. I meet
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  Speaker 1: people from the community and they said to me, Carblos,
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  Speaker 1: you are not the only one. There are hundreds of
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  Speaker 1: thousands of people who feel the same. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: this is what you feel, this is what you are.
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  Speaker 1: You didn't choose this, And I said, yeah, this is true.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't choose this, and this is what I feel.
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  Speaker 1: So they presented me, they introduced me to THEBT community,
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  Speaker 1: and I felt for the first time that I belonged
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  Speaker 1: somewhere and I felt great. I said, Okay, this is it,
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  Speaker 1: this is what I was looking for. I remember that
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  Speaker 1: at the time when I saw, you know, the little
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  Speaker 1: rainbow flaging small like this in a little door of
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  Speaker 1: the store, I said, Okay, these people they accept me.
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  Speaker 1: They they I am welcome here. Somehow, I remember that
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  Speaker 1: I felt this gay pride. It's like, okay, I am this.
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  Speaker 1: And it's funny to say because it was the first
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  Speaker 1: time that I felt that I belonged somewhere. And after that,
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  Speaker 1: I remember that I wanted to talk with my family
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  Speaker 1: about what happened to me in my childhood. First because
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to protect the other kids in the family,
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  Speaker 1: even though I was speaking ten years later. And on
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  Speaker 1: the other hand, I wanted to do my coming out.
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to I wanted them to accept me. So
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  Speaker 1: I did it. And when I did it, my mom.
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  Speaker 3: She was so.
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  Speaker 1: Shocked because she never knew that it happened, and then
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  Speaker 1: she asked me. She said to me, my son, if
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  Speaker 1: you wouldn't be sexually abused, would you be gay? And
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  Speaker 1: to be honest, I never thought about that because I
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  Speaker 1: enjoyed when I was a kid, so I thought it
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  Speaker 1: was me. I thought I was born that way. And
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: when she said that to me, I said, okay, maybe
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  Speaker 1: it'd be not what if I didn't experience that? And
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I know today psychologist said that there is no relationship
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  Speaker 1: between sexual abuse and orientation and sexual orientation, and I
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  Speaker 1: know a lot of gay men who hasn't been sexually abused.
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  Speaker 1: On the other hand, I know eterosexual man who has
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  Speaker 1: been sexually abused and they are not gay. So I
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  Speaker 1: understand it's not the rule. But in my own experience,
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  Speaker 1: I said to me, I cannot even imagine what would
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  Speaker 1: be my life if I didn't experience all the pleasure
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  Speaker 1: I had with meant my whole childhood. What if I didn't,
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  Speaker 1: So the question really clicked in my in my mind,
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  Speaker 1: and after that moment, just just like starting to think
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  Speaker 1: about it, I said, what what if not? What if not?
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: And I remember I went to to the psychologist. My
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: mom took me to the psychologist to treat the wound
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  Speaker 1: of the sexual abuse, and the psychologist told me something,
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  Speaker 1: you said, Carlos, it would be interesting that you decide
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  Speaker 1: your life. That it wouldn't it wouldn't be nice that somebody,
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  Speaker 1: somebody else choose for you, so that what happened to
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  Speaker 1: you in the shuldhood doesn't decide what you're going to
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  Speaker 1: be in your future.
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  Speaker 3: And another in other words, just to be clear.
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  Speaker 4: In other words, the psychologists were saying, you know, don't
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  Speaker 4: let the sexual abuse decide for you. Define you, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: define you like you. You decide for yourself what you are.
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  Speaker 1: Even she said to me, if you're gonna, if you're
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: gonna be gay, that at least that let's be your
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  Speaker 1: decision and not someone else's decision. Not because you were
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  Speaker 1: forced and you were groomed into sexual sexual sexual pleasure,
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  Speaker 1: pleasure with men, that you're gonna be gay. Just let's
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: be your decision. If you're gonna be a stray or gay,
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  Speaker 1: let's be your decision. And I really like that. I said, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: if I felt, in in fact that if I just
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  Speaker 1: kept going just freely into the gay life, it's like
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  Speaker 1: somehow I would be validating what they did to me,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: because somehow I remember when I was a kid, they
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: made me think that I existed just to give pleasure
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: to men, that it was my role in life. Wow.
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  Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, no, I don't want to that.
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  Speaker 1: But on the other hand, if I say, okay, I
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: don't want to be gay, it means I have to
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: be stray. So what I have to do now? Should
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I go after girls? But I don't didn't. I didn't
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: feel any attraction toward women.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: But you started. You you got into a relationship with
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: the girl.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But for me, a girl, I'm not sure it
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: was the same. And you know what I'm talking is
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  Speaker 1: it was nothing, nothing, no any feeling, any attraction at all.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: A girl and a what what did you say? A
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: girl and a what are the same?
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  Speaker 1: I'm not sure and not sure. You know, It's like
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  Speaker 1: a girl was the same, There was.
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  Speaker 3: Nothing a girl in a chair okay, and at.
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  Speaker 1: Table, A girl and a table was the same to me.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: But first award from our sponsor.
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: To fit into this new community, you learned to be
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: effeminate right too, because you wanted to fit in, so
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: you started to kind of adopt the mannerisms of the community.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah like that.
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and so were you and so you were totally
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: embraced by that community.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, untied did they? I said, I want to try
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: something different, maybe I'm not gay. Until that day, so
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I was accepted, that was celebrated, it was welcome until
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: the day I said maybe I'm not gay. That day
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I became an enemy.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: Yes, of course. They It's like a cult. They don't
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: like they don't like their members to leave. So, but
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: before we get to that part, let's talk about so you.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: You were in a relationship with a girl. She was
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: like a chair or a table.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: But then you just you, you were in that life,
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: living in that life, hooking up. I mean, you say
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: that you hooked up with like six hundred men. I
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: don't know how you kept count of that.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: I think it was more than six hundred men until
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: at the until the end, I think I'm sure it
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: was more than six countrares.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: And was it? Were you just trying to fill a void?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Is that what was No, I was addicted to sex.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: It was an addiction. It was not that emotional. It
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: was not that I'm looking for my father at all.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: It was sexual.
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: It was just addiction, and and so what's changed because
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: you I think you and then you know you you
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: got into a situation where you really just kind of
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: wanted to die.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Like it was. It got bad.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, before getting there. This is the point when I
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: tried with the with the girl. I remember that I
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I it happened that I could have relationship with her,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: but I have to think in man to be with her.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And it was a terture because I was addicted to sex.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: But now when I'm with a girl, when I'm with
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: that girl, I have to think of men. And so
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: immediately after I would go after men because that's what
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: I liked. But when I was with men intimate, I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: just was thinking about the sexual abuse that happened to
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: my in my childhood. That was for me the reason
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: I was there. So suddenly I didn't have peace in
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: one way or the other. So I just wanted to die.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: And that was the moment I really really wanted to die.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: And this is a poor girl. You know, I was
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: cheating her with so many guys. It was just crazy.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: About how old were you at this time?
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I was twenty okay, twenty two years ago?
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: Wow, okay, So and then something happened you saw the
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: movie The Passion of the Crowd.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so at that moment I was eighties, I didn't
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: believe in God. I just I used to to make God.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I used to make laugh of God. For me, the
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: idea of God was stupid. So I remember my mom
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: used to my mom and she was a chimnyster teacher,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: biology teacher, physics tea shirt. So so for me was
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: everything about science.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: But was your mom a christianner?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Now no, we were Catholic by tradition, but it's likes.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Not everyone in Venezuela's Catholic. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, so okay,
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: so what happened when you saw the Passion of the Christ?
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  Speaker 1: Okay? So the thing is that I went there and
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  Speaker 1: somebody I remember that the world all the tickets were
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: sold out, And when I was about to leave, I
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: was with this girl and someone came to me and said, ah, you,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I have two tickets left for the for the next
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: movie that starts in fifteen minutes. Do you want them?
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: And I bought them to the guy and then he
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: said to me, are you Christian? And I said what
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: is that? And the girls he said, no, we're Catholic,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I said, I really are we Catholic? I have no
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: idea of anything for me. The passion of the Christ
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: was that Christ was passionate for women, and we were
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: about to see a romantic movie. You know, that's it.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I have no idea.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: It was yeah, what the passion meant? Okay, yeah, oh
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: at all.
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  Speaker 1: So the thing is that I went and we got
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: into the into the movies, and we got into the
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: front line in front of the screen, and I was
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  Speaker 1: just sitting there watching this without no one explaining to me.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: But I merely understood that he really did that for me,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: and without no one evangelizing me. I understood that he
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: wanted to give me a new life. And I already
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: wanted a new life. You know. It was a little
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: bit fed up of my life, so I wanted a
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: new life. And I remember that I left the movies
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: just crying and even sobbing. We were like like this,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: it was the premiere. Nobody was talking about it. Then
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: there was no social media, you know. It was amazing,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: and and I remember that I started saying to everybody,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: just have to go check see this movie. Something is
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: going to happen to you. I have no idea. You know,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: It's like I started already evangelizing without knowing until one
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: day I talk with her neighbor, a lady that lived
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: in front of our place, and she said to me, Carlos,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: this is true. What you saw in that movie really happened.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: God did that for you, really, And then she started
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: explaining to me the Bible, and she went from Genesis
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: to Revelation, showed me Jesus in every chapter. It was crazy,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: and we did it in three hours, in every book.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: In three hours. She took me from Genesis to Revelation.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: And just a few days later I got my conversion,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I got my encounter with God. It was just amazing.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: And so, what do you mean you had an encounter
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: with God?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I remember that, I said to her. And she said
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: to me, the day you understand that Jesus and the
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Father are the same, that day is gonna happen something
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: to you. And then I remember that. I that I
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: went to to think about it, and three days later
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I went back to her and said, do this is
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: this is true. The Father and Jesus are the same,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: because only a father can do that for his children,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and Jesus did it for us. So they are the same.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: And I opened my Bible at that very moment and
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I fall into John ten, verse thirty, and it says
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I and my Father are one and in midiate. It's
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: like I got baptizing Holy Spirit. My mind open at
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: that very moment, the Bible became true and I can't
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: and you know, this isn't understanding. I was baptized holy
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Spirit at that very moment.
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: But then things took a turn because you wanted, you
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: ask God to change your attractions to men, and nothing happened.
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: So what was that like?
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: It's not even that. You know, usually when people encounter God,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: life changed for good and for something better. It was
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: not my case. Yeah, at that very moment I encounter God,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I understood the sacrifice, I understood his love. But unfortunately
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I went to her church and it was a hyper
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: religious church. It was a hyper Calvinist church. It was
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: so so religious it was crazy. And suddenly it's like,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: instead of focusing myself in understanding how what the Lord
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: I really accomplished for us, I just focused myself in
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: everything I have to do for God. It's like I
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: have to stop seeing and I have you.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: So it was like in other words, you're saying it
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: was a very legalistic church, as we were saying, yeah.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: I legalist, extremely realistic. And and I remember that I
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: said to the pastor and said to pastor, hey, listen,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: this is my life. I'm struggling with with poor masturvations,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: sex with guys. I have a girlfriend. I don't want
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: to be here. I share everything with him. I don't
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: want to be gay. I just decided myself I wanted
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: to change. What should I do? And was like, you know,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: the poor faster faster.
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: He's like why yeah, yeah.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: So response he said to me, well, you know you
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: have to to to try yourself, try the best to
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: obey God, to surrender to him, and to to to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: understand that everything you said is just sin and he
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: hates sh so you have to stop it. I said, okay,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: So if you are the pastor and you tell me
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: that I have to stop it, it means I can't.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: And it was not true. You know, the moment you
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: tried not to sin, it's worse. And and I remember
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: he said to me, ask ask God to help you
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: if if this is his will is to be holy,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: so ask him to help you to change. And I
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: remember that I started asking. I said, Lord Almighty, I
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: know who you are now, so please change me, because
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: now I have conviction of my sin because I come
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: from Holy Spirit, not because someone told me. So I
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: have conviction of my sine. Please change me. I don't
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: want to be gay. It is in my decision if
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: it is personal. I don't want to be gay. I
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: don't want to be gay. Please change me, change me, Beckett,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: the more I asked God to change me, the most
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I was attracted by men.
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: So the more the more you asked yeah, so it
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: was the opposite, Like a fact, you became just more
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: lustful towards men based.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Extremely it was. It was worse. And I remember that
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I said, Okay, well God is not helping me. Maybe
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I need to give a hand to God. I need
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: to go check for something. And then I remember I
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: went to conversion therapy and and I remember the guy
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: that that was there like leading the group, said to
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: me something like this, like, Carlos, your whole life you
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: have been connecting to men in in a in a
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: in a carnal way. So maybe it's time for you
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: to experience friendship with many in a different way. What
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: about if you all play soccer with some guys from church,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: so maybe you're gonna experience a different experience. And I said,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: are you crazy? In my mind, I said, this guy
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: doesn't understand anything. He wants me to go and play
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: soccer with guys who are half naked, you know, touching
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: their bodies all web. This is crazy. This guy doesn't
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: understand my trouble. Yeah, I remember, I.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Said, soccer is not going to cure you of that.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, okay. So I said, okay, no, these people
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: doesn't understand me. I remember that every session of this
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: conversion therapy, because the porpose was to help me become straight,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I remember that after every session, I just felt more
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: gay than ever. And that's the reason I don't recommend
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: conversion therapy personally. I find that if your focus is
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: to change from gay to straight, you're gonna just fail.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: And and for me, I used to hear all the time.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: The people used to tell me, well, Carlos, you know
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: this is the original design. God created women, men and women.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: This is the original design. I said, yeah, but I'm broke.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: I'm broken because I don't I don't have attraction program.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: So I remember that I left those those therapies and
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: if something happened that it was very traumatic. Is my
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: sister died in a car accident, and I was so
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: angry at God. I was so mad at him because
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: he didn't protect her, that I just decided that I
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: quick astrollian, that I just wanted to live, even church
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: and faith and everything. And I remember I said, Okay,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: this is what you don't like. You don't like me
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: committing sin. Prepare yourself because you're gonna get a lot.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: So it's like I wanted to revenge God by destroying myself.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: It was just crazy. So so you.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Were angry at God.
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: You were angry at God because your sister was in
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: this car accident and you blamed God. And then you
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: just kind of went full bore.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: And she was driving like one hundred and twenty miles
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: per hours. You know, it was fall you know, so
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: it was not God's fault, but at that moment in grief,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: you don't think very clear.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: And then.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: And then what happened because at a certain point you
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: felt peace about your sister's death and.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: You started to go back.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: It was later, but what happened after my sister church
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: is that I met a guy and it wasn't the
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: first time a guy was in the same the same
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: understanding as me. He also was sexually abused and he
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: wanted to change. He wasn't happy being gay, and and
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I was the first time he met someone like that.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: So we said to each other, let's get out of
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: this together, and we became boyfriends. So with the relationship,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: and this relationship last seven years. So it was a
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: romantic relationship. He was during seven years, and we did
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: a coupld's life. It was just like that. But all
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: the time we were in peace because we both wanted
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: to change. So that's what I understood that kept us together.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: It was just crazy.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: So so you said, while you were in this relationship,
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: you were not at peace.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: No, we both we were not at peace. But because
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: of that we stayed together.
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, So then then then what happened about your when?
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: How did you start feeling peace about your sister's death?
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: The the real pieces started getting in after three years
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: after she passed.
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: Away, and and so and then why did how did
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: you why did you break up with the boyfriend?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: In fact, after seven years, we started to go to church.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I said to I said to myself, he's not Christian.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I won't shore the gospel to him because if he
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: converted when I left me, So at the end I
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: cheered with him and he became Christian, and we tried
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: to break the relationship. We couldn't because we were calledependent.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: And after a while we just changed to a bigger church.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: And at this bigger church, nobody knew who we were,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: and it was okay for us. And after some years
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: we just moved to Canada because of what was going
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: on in Venezuela and there when I was we were here.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: The relationship last one year because I started like going
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: through depression for moving out of the country, because I
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: lost all my money was it was just a bad time.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: And I remember he said to me at one moment,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: he said, Carlos, uh, let's stop fighting. Just let's get married.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: You know, we have been fighting so many years. Just
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: let's get married. And I said to him, no, how
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: we're gonna get married. We're Christians. And then he said
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: to me, okay, so let me go. Then let me go,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: and I said, okay, it's over. And that very moment,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: if you following stories, is you're gonna understand that before
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: becoming Christian, I was living by what I feel. After
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: becoming Christian, I was fighting against what I feel. And
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: now at this very moment of the relationship with that guy,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: and I just wanted to make peace with what I feel.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: And that's when I discover gay Christianity and that I
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: just google how how how can you make peace with
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: with Christianity and homosexuality? There is gay christ Can you
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: be gay Christian? And you know if you look for
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: this you're gonna find And then I found so many theories.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: Today I understand its heresy, but at that moment, I say, Okay,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: this is this is this is me. I am like
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: David and Jonathan and I am like you know, all
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: these twisted versions of interpretations. And then I tried to
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: make peace with what I felt by twisting the world
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: so for me, you didn't feel no, no, no, you
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: don't feel peas And I was anyways addicted to to
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: hook ups too, to everything apps and gay apps all that,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: so I remember that I said to myself, if this
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: is the truth, why I don't have peace, why I'm
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: still in this lustful living every single day? And finally,
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I at that point I wanted to die. I am
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: even more I was about to jump from from a building,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: a twenty story building, and I don't know what I didn't.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: But a few weeks after, I met a couple. This
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: was a Christian couple. She was in a Silan He
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: is from Italy. And it was the first time that
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I met a couple or you know, Christians who were
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: so full feel in this of the spirit. They were
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: so filming the spirit that you could feel God through them.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: It was amazing.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: And where was this couple. Was this in Peru? Because
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: I think it.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Was in Peru. Yeah, I traveled to Peru and I
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: met in there and then I said, they don't know
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: my story, they don't know anything about me, and I
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: feel God through them. I understand that they know God
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: in a level that I don't.
• 32:41
  Speaker 4: So you could tell, you could tell that they were
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: genuine Christians, like they were real.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: It was real. They were the real deal exactly. And
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: I never I have never experienced something like that. And
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: finally I came back to Montreal. I was so broke financially, spiritually, mentally,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: reason was broke. And there was a family who received
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: me at the place and I was sleeping there. It
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: was in during the holidays and I remember there was
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: a friend of them that came to the place and
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: there was a conversation and while we were talking, he's Christians.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: This is the point that everything changed. After we were just
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: talking about faith and he said to me something like
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: that I was expecting. He said, Carlos, the problem with
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: many Christians is they have Jesus as their savior, but
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: not as their lord. The problem with many Christians is
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: they have Jesus as their savior, but not as their lord.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: He said that I felt God presence through him, and
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: I was so lost, and I couldn't believe that God
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: was presenting himself there. It's like he was telling me,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: I want to help you. I love you, but I'm
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: not your lord. Your lord is yourself. You are the
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: one who is dealing, who is leading your life. It's
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: like I understood at that very moment, and you know what, Jesus.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: You can make Jesus your savior by a prayer, but
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: you cannot make Jesus your lord by a prayer. Lordship
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: is by obedience. Lordship is by surrendering. And I hadn't
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: understand that until that very moment.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: And so how did your life change after that moment?
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I remember that. After that, I kept thinking about that,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: and after three days, I went to another hook cop.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I'm being honest. I went to another hook cop that
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I have planned for years. Finally we met in the
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: same place in Montreal, and after leaving that place, I
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: said to myself, I said, wow, I have been planning
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: this encounter with this guy for years, thinking that it
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: would be the amazing, the most amazing experience, and it
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: was more of the same. He said, this is senseless.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: And then I remember this conversation that I had three
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: days before and that and that very moment, in that
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: very context, I said to the Lord, I said, Lord,
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: you know what is over. I don't care anymore if
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: you change me or not. I don't care anymore if
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be gay, astray as sexual, whatever I
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: destroy my life, I put it to the side. I
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: just want to follow you become my Lord. It was
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: the most honest prayer that I ever did in my life.
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I really really did said this said that. I said,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I don't care what's gonna happen with me. I just
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: want to follow you because of who you are, and
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: and you said.
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Like, just I want you to be lord over my life.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Basically, I just want to I just want to follow
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: you as my lord, just be my lord. Period and
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: and and the point in that prayer is I don't
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: care what God's gonna happen with me. I just want
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: to follow you. You know that there is a verse.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: This verse is repeated like six times in the in
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: the in the in the Gospels where you find it
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: in Matthew sixteen twenty five. It says, for whoever desires
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: to save his life will lose it. But whoever lose
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: his life for my sake, we'll find it. I understand
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: that at that moment I did it what the verse says,
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: but I didn't know if you focus on your life
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: my life, my life is life, you want to lose it.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: But at that moment, I just put my life to
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: decide to follow him. And what happened next is that
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: he gave me a new life. And until now this
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: is giving me any life.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: So yeah, go ahead.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: Focusing so much in changing became an obsession. My desire
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: to change was my idol. I was eleven years in
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: church asking him to change me, asking him to change
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: my life, to give me what I was desiring. You know,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I was so focusing in becoming straight that it becomes
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: my eye. Do so at the moment, I surrender everything
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: just to follow him. Two days later, three days later,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: he just make a miracle. And I can't go dieping that.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: But he was just a miracle that I wasn't expecting anymore.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I just wanted him.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: We'll be right back after the short break. And what
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: was a miracle?
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: What do you explain that? What explained that?
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: More? I make a disclaimer here, this is my experience.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: It doesn't apply to everybody. This is what I experienced.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: This is my testimony. You know I was blind. Now
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: I see, this is what I share. The thing is
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: that I remember that I was at this family place
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: and and I just watched I was watching just some
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: sermons preachers, and I just wanted to know more about God.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: That it was not messages about my purpose in life,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: finances of the heaven, whatever. I was not about that.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: It was about God's person. And I remember that I
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: hook in a in a in a in a in
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: a message and I said, Wow, this this teaching is amazing.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: He's talking about the mind of God and the way
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: he thinks and the way he loves and the way
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: he works. I want to know more, and I kept
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: watching seven hours without stop. It was crazy, but there is.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: There were two things the pastor says. In the middle
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: of all the subjects, he talked about aligning your body
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: to your soul, your soul to your spirit, and spirit
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: to Holy Spirit. And in the odd in another message
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: and not related, he talked about homosexuality as an spirit.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: And I have never heard about that. And when he
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: said that, they say, oct that's just crazy, it's nuts
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: by whatever. At the end of the seven hours messages,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I just decided to go to sleep at three am
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: in the morning, and before sleeping, before lying myself in
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: the bed, I said, I'm gonna make a prayer. What
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: can I lose? And then I said, Lord, I lined
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: my body to my soul, my soul to my spirit,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: my spirit to Holy Spirit. And I cast out this
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: spirit of almost actually that I wanted to destroy me, my
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: whole life. I was told you design by which you
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: made me. And I prayed for my wife and kids
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: in the name of Jesus Amen. I said, where is
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: this prayer coming from? I was there a prayer guy.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: It was a boring guy. What is this coming get from?
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: So you were.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: You were surprised that you in the prayer, that you
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: pray for a wife and kids.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: For the whole prayer was in shock. I never pray.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: I wasn't a prayer guy, so I'm military. I felt
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: that I didn't tremble. It was just a switch, like
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: a switch, a little switch. And I said, hmm, there's
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: something that happened here. And then I took my phone.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: That was a lie of gay porn. And when I
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: took my phone and I see the pictures and videos
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I see that, I say, I don't feel anything. I
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: don't feel anything. I'm not feeling I'm not feeling anything.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: And immediately when I said that, I heard a verse
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: in my mind that says, now go and share with
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: others what the Lord did for you. I don't know
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: if you catch that verse. Is that is the verse
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: when when the guy who was demonised, Jesuit said him free,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: and you Su said to him, now go and share
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: with others what the Lord did for you. And I
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: was in amazement because I said, Lord, I can't believe it.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: You did it when I wasn't looking for you didn't what.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't care any more about my life. You did
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: it in one second what I couldn't do in eleven years.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: But you didn't when I was taking delight in your
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: and you did the desire of my heart as some
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: thirty seven forces. I delighted myself in the Lord, and
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: he gave the desire of my heart. I understand that
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: God wants to give the desires of our hearts, but
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: it's a heart that has to be surrendered to him,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: right and it was never my case. So I remember
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: that immediately after I went to chair to my ex
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: boyfriend the kids, because even if he has been years
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: ten months that we went together, every time we see
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: each other, we will have intimacy even if we weren't together.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: Because I wanted to get back to him, and I
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: remember I went to his plate because at least I
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: remember that during seven years we wanted to change. And
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: when I said to him, listen, I'm coming here to
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: chair with you, what happened to me? And again, this
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: is my experience. Just it doesn't apply to be vided,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: but this is what I experienced. I remember that he
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: didn't believe me, and he took me by my hand,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: and he took me to the room and he possessed
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: me I used to be the bottom, and so he
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: possessed me. And there is a reason why I'm saying this.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: And at that moment I remember that I it's like
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I realized, like my eyes were open. I realized that
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: when you are having intimacy with a guy is by
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: the back door, and by the back door it comes out.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: And I said, what is this? This is exist with with?
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: This is filthy? What is this? How can I how
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I couldn't never see this? Immediately, all the images came
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: to my mind every time I had a relationship with
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: a guy and came out. It's like my eyes were
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: open to something that was there in front of my eye,
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: but I never seen it. And I said to him,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: you know what, what I understand is that I had
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: a filthy spirit because there is no explanation how I
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: could have pleasure in this. I don't belong anymore to
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: the team by I don't want to know anything more
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: about this. And I left that place.
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: So finally it was like you finally saw the reality
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: of what. Yeah, homosexual sex is, Yeah.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: And you know it's not a secret, but only that
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: I had a veil in my eyes.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, And so what happened after.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: That, So why did I send this? Because until that moment,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: I experienced a sexual country with more than six hundred guys,
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: and I never I was never disgusted by I always enjoyed.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: But at that moment it was disgusting. It was disgusting.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: I said, Okay, it doesn't make sense. I understand that
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: there is a veil that came out of my came
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: off my eyes. And I remember the verse that says
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: that if I spread leave, it's gonna go find seven
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: more and gonna come back. I said, I need to
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: feel myself from the from the war and from the Lord,
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: because I don't want this to come back. And I
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: remember that I became just like obsessed. I just started
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: watching messages and Germans without stop, seven hours per day,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: all the time, because they just wanted to know more
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: about God. At the beginning was by fear, but then
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: I was understanding more and more about him, and Fear
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: just left. The thing is this I didn't be I
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: wasn't gay, and then I became straight. It's not that
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: for me. Understand now understand something about the original design.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: For me, The original design is not anymore men and women.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: And I'm gonna explain myself when even and if they
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: committed sin, they didn't divorce. In fact, what if we
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: read the passage after they committed sin, they even came
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: together and they have kids. So it was not that
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: design that was broken. The original design that was broken
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: was the relationship between mankind and God. So the real
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: original design that has to be restored is coming back
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: to the Father in Jesus and let Holy Spirit guide
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: you in this new life that he gives you. So
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: that's what I understood, was what happened to me. I
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: came back to the Father, I understood my identity in Jesus,
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: and I let Holy Spirit guide me. That don't then
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit fix everything that is broken in your life
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: if you let him guide you in this new life.
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: So for me, that's the original design that has to
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: be restored, is the connection back to the Father in Jesus.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: So for me it makes so much sense because in
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: my own strengths, I would never be able to become
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: a strained I was not attracted to women ever. But
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: then coming back to the Father and let Jesus give
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: me identity and know that I'm being led by the
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: world and by the Spirit, was easy. So that's what
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I said to everybody. Just put down the idol of
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: changing and just come to the Father. Understand who you
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: are in Jesus, and they walk by this period. There
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: is freedom there.
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: Amen to that.
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: And so how did you end up with a wife
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: and two kids?
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: Well, this is a premiere. Again, this is a premiere.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: We have twins. They are eighteen months old, a girl
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: and a boy and a girl. And my wife is
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: already seven months pregnant. Again, so third one is arriving
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: in two months. Thank you. So this is has been
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: a roller coaster. This is amazing. But where exhausted? Okay,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: this is and now I'm getting back to this story.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: There is something that's extremely extremely important for me. I
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: experienced a miracle and it's clear. But for me, miracle
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: is not enough. We know the people of Israel when
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: God took them out of Egypt, they experienced miracles. Has
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: no other generation experience. And even though they wanted to
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: go back to Egypt, why because they didn't change their mind,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: because they didn't change the way they think. So many
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: people go after miracles, but they don't go after the
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: renewing of the mind. If you don't renew your mind.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: You're going to go back for me. The renewon of
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: the mind is the key. I have seen so much
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: life being transformed, transformed by the renewing of the mind.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: That by a miracle. Because when you transform your mind,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: when you change the way you think about yourself, about God,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: about everything by the Bible, the fruit's going to just
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: follow up what I'm saying with this. I remember that
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: at the time, it has been already ten eleven years
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: from that. I said to the Lord, Lord, I renounce
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: to everything I know about you, Please revealed yourself again
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: to me. I'm not renouncing to you. I'm renouncing to
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: everything I know, every legalistic understanding that I had. I
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: just want to know you again. Please reveal yourself to me.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: And the Lord did it, But it didn't in a
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: way that I wasn't expecting. The first thing is that
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: he made me understand forgiveness in a level that I
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: never thought before. We usually here all the time at church,
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: we were forgiven. We were forgiven, we have been forgiven.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: There is no more a combination for us. But I
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: ask you, Beckett, how how do you feel when you
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: remember the scenes that you have committed. How do you feel.
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: I mean personally, I feel you past my sense in
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: the past.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: Every single when you remember all the scenes that you
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: have committed, how do you feel well?
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: I don't think well. I feel completely washed clean, I
• 48:59
  Speaker 4: feel for given. I don't feel I feel no condemnation
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: in Christ.
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: But I mean, but let's say that they are like
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: exposing on the screen in front of everybody, how would
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: you feel.
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: Well? I mean it would be that would be embarrassing.
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: But I don't feel I honestly, just the day I
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: got saved in two thousand and nine, I felt completely
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: like a new creation in Christ. I felt a man
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: new and like I felt no more shame or guilty donation.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: And it was not my case. And I understand that
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: those who comes from legalistic backgrounds, they lived with combination
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: and shame. And I remember that I was thankful for forgiveness,
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: but all the time I was thinking about what I did,
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: so I was it was ruminated all the time. There.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: It was like all the time like okay, yeah, but
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: just check what you did, check what you did, check
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: what you It was horrible and I couldn't get off
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: this wave of yeah. It was a wave of combination.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: And I remember that one of the things the Lord
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: took me was to an understanding, a deeper understanding of
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: this forgiinstness forgiveness. And you find it in Acts twenty
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: six eighteen. This is the moment that's funny.
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: Acts twenty six eighteen is the verse that my sister
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: in law prayed over me for twenty years.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: Oh no, that's like a very special verse to me.
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, okay, check this. The verse says that
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: the Lord sent Paul to open their eyes in order
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: to turn them from darkness to light and from the
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: of sins and an inheritance among those who are sientified
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: by faith in me. What the Lord like pointed me
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: here was forgiveness. The word forgiveness in Greek is epheesis.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Ephasis doesn't mean just like, okay, I forgive you, don't
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: do it again. Apheesis is deeper than that. Aphesis means
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: I forgive you, and I let you ask if you
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: never did it right.
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like me, I remember your sins no more.
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: I mean there as far as it's east to the west,
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: like and even like it's just gone there's no.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Even more than that. It's even more than I don't remember.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: It's like for me as if they never existed. Right,
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: So when I said this is when I saw this,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: I said, Okay, now now I'm not anymore the boss
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: the bosses you. If you said that, you forgive me
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: and you led me as if I never committed those things.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna see myself that way. So in other words,
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: it means I've never been gay, i've never been with men,
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: I've never seen born, i've never done anything. I'm clean
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: not because I didn't because you took it, because you
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: became guilty of the cross, so that would become innocent. Yeah. Amen,
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: So I accept that. And since now I'm going to
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: see myself as clean as if I never committed those
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: things that I did, beg it for me. This was
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: so liberating because I had so much combination in my
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: mind that suddenly I understood. Also the verse I said,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: there is no more condination for those who are in Christ.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Why because he took it. So if he took it,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: he cannot share with you. He took the condination. You
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: are free because all the combination.
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: And then when it says that verse there is no condemnation.
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: There are therefore now no condemnation for those who are
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: in Christ Jesus. It's the what's happened that what I
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: think Paul is talking about is because when you when
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: you were born again, when you're saved, when you're when
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: you become a believer, you are you become united to Christ.
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: So we are united to Christ. So you're in Christ.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: And so if you're in Christ, how could you be
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: condemned Because if you're condemned, then Christ is condemned. Like,
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: it doesn't it won't work. It's it's like and he's resurrected,
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: there is no more condidiation to him. It's it's impossible.
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: It's like an impossibility for you to be condemned because
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: you're it's actually united to Christ. And if you're condemned,
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: then He's condemned. So like it doesn't make it sense.
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense. Okay, that's a great point.
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: And even more when you understand later about about the
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: fact of the new creature, and you know that at
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: that moment when I understood forgiveness, it was so so
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: free to me because it's like it's like, I don't know,
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: make it like for example, I asked you have you
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: do you remember the last time you weren't Venezuela.
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: The last time I was in Venezuela.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you do you remember?
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: No, because I was. I was never there exactly.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: That's the way God talked to me, like do you
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: remember the last time you were there or not? I've
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: never been so he told me, like, the enemy's gonna
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: talk to you about about those things, and for me,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: you've never been there.
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: That's it. I love that.
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: I love that idea because that's a great point because
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: it's like amazing, Yeah, it's like they're gone there. It's
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: like as yeah, you're you're exactly right. It's it's as
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: if they never happened. I acthing never happened. So the
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: second point that the door wanted to And by the way,
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: it's like past, present, and future. It's like not only
• 54:40
  Speaker 4: just your past sense, it's your present sense and your
• 54:42
  Speaker 4: future sense. Christ Christ, Yeah, paid for those two thousand
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: years ago on the cross period. Like that sounded like
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: Tucker Carlson period, but no, like that two thousand years
• 54:59
  Speaker 4: ago prize paid for your sins. This is in one
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: of my theology classes in seminary. This was a very
• 55:05
  Speaker 4: interesting moment. I my professor was saying, you know, your
• 55:10
  Speaker 4: sins are forgiven, past, president, future, and so I raised
• 55:13
  Speaker 4: my hand, and you.
• 55:13
  Speaker 3: Know, I was kind of like I was kind of new,
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: sort of semi new to.
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: The faith, and I said, well, if my sins, my
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: future sins are all forgiven, then why do I confess sin?
• 55:25
  Speaker 4: And he said, because you're in a relationship now, and
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: I was like, WHOA, that makes so much sense, Like
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: now I'm in a relation. It's like if you are
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: a husband and wife and you're in a relationship, you
• 55:38
  Speaker 4: confess your sins because you want that relationship to flourish
• 55:42
  Speaker 4: and to do to go well, and to to you know,
• 55:46
  Speaker 4: to grow. And so that's why, you know, that's why
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: we confess our sins.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: Exactly, and to keep the relationship. Yeah, is to to
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: is a relationship.
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: That's it, Yeah exactly. So then what happened after that.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: What happened after to that is I used to also
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: understand and this is I know this is not very common,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: but I used to fight a lot with the sinful nature.
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: You know, I remember all the time Church was Okay,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: if you're saying this is your sinful nature, the sinful
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: nature all the time. This inful nature, and it'say, okay,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: but so what's the purpose of fighting what's the purpose
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: of fighting against it? This? This is my nature. You know,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: a dog's gonna bark by nature, so you cannot stop
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: it from nature to change his nature. So why I'm
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: telling me that I have a sinful nature? I don't
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: understand that. And the Lord also took me there. There
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: is a verse in the Tunomi thirty verse six. What
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: it says, and the Lord God will circumcise your heart
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: and the heart of your descendants. To love the Lord
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: your God with all your heart and with all your soul,
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: that you may leave. When you check that, you understand
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: that it is the Lord's talking about a circumscis that
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: is not physical. He's going to circumcises the heart. And
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: once he does that, you're gonna love him and you're
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: gonna live. Every single Christian after conversion immediately we feel
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: this love toward gods and we get life. So it
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: means that this circumcision that he's talking about happened. That
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: word does. The Bible says that it happens if you
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: go to collotion two eleven. It says in him you
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: were also circumcised with the circumcision made with our hands,
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh,
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: or the version says, the sinful nature by the circumcision
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: of Christ. This is something that he promises, and he's
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: something that here he's saying that he performed is not
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: something that you can't do yourself. The problem with humanity
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: is not seen. We don't commit sin and then we
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: become sinners. No, we are born siniers because of the
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: simple nature, and it manifests itself by the sins we commit.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: So the solution was not to deal with sin. The
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: solution was to take away completely this inful nature. I
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: understand that this is something that happens spiritually, that the
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: sinful nature was taken away. I'm gonna explain why based
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: on what I understand now. But there is an enemy
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: that hasn't been cut off, and this is the flesh.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: And there is a difference between the flesh and the
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: sinful nature. The flesh is going to stay there until
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: the last day on earth. But the sinful nature, the
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Lord is saying, I'm gonna cut it off, and I
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: did it in Christ's over, It's cut off we understand
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: that it's not the flesh. The flesh is like an
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: entity that is like strick to to to your soul
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: or to your body. That they give you feelings, give
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: you desires, give you thoughts that are against God. But
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: it's not you. The sinful nature is over. Those desires
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: comes to you as Christians. They're coming from the flesh.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: But why the Lord wanted to show me that the
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: sinful nature is off is cut off, is because after
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: that he showed me about the new creature. Have you
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: ever asked yourself? Where is what is the new creature
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: made of?
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: No?
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: We're in new creation, isn't it?
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah? So what is the what's the answer?
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Okay? The answer is in Onirse John three nine, it
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: says whoever has been born of God does not sin,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: for his seats remain in him, and he cannot. He
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: doesn't say he shouldn't. It says he cannot sin because
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: he has been born of God. If you go dieping
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: this verse, it says that if you are born of God,
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: it means if you are if you come maud of him,
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: if you are being fathered by him, you can not
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: commit seen because of His seed in you. The word
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: Greek for the Greek word for seeds is sperm. He's saying,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: if you are coming from Me, if you are father
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: by me, you have my genetic in your spirit, and
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: because of that, you cannot commit sin because my genetic
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: doesn't have seen My genetic doesn't produce sin. This is
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: the reality of the New creature. This is why first
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: spear says that we are born of an incorruptible seed
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: or of unconruptible nature, because in the spirit we have
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: God's genetics. This is what. In fact, there is a
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: version I don't remember now that it says in the
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: spirit we have God's DNA. This is what it means.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: So the new creature cannot have sinful nature because if
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit comes to live in your spirit, cannot have
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: this sinful nature in your spirit, You're gonna die. He
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: had to make it compatible to himself so that he
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: can possess you in the spirit, that you can become
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: like one in the spirit. You have to share his nature.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: So the verse is saying, whoever is one of God
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: does not seem before his seed remains on him, and
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: he cannot. Even the word cannot in Greek is durnam
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: i uh and it comes from dynamite.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: Power dynamite.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, so power capacity being able and he's said you
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: are not able to have not the power. You cannot
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: commit sein from the spirit because of God DN.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: I never heard it from that angle, but that's that's
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 3: very interesting. I haven't heard that, but I like that.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: And also, you know, just in terms of what I
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: said about future sense that we commit, you know, Paul
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: says famously, Paul says, you know, shall we go on
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 4: sending that grace may abound?
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: By no means?
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: How can we have died the sense still live in it.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: So there's there's that too as well, like we've died
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: to sense, so how can we still live in it?
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: There is a point here if you if we are
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: checking this verse in first John three nine, it says
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: that we cannot because in the spirit we don't have
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: the ability to sin. We have got DNA on us.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: So whenever you think that because you're safe, you can
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: keep sinning, it means that thinking is not coming from
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: the spirit because you're spirit born again, cannot produce any sin.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: He has no the ability. He's not even attracted to you.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: Because God is not attracted. God shared with you his
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: Dna in the spirit, so that you would walk in
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: the spirit on this earth. That's the Yeah.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: So it's your flesh, it's your flesh, that.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly, So when Galatians five, verse six, verse sixteens,
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: it says, I say, then then walk in the spirit,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: and you shall not fulfil the loss of the flesh
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: is standing. You don't even fight against this flesh. Don't
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: even struggle, Just walk in the spirit, just water and
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: understanding that you are forgiven that your natural, that your
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: sinful nature is off, and that you have my nature.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: You keep your mind in that and the loss the
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: flesh can throw at you everything it wants, and you can't.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: You won't. It won't get any hole on you because
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: you are not that, because you are being washed a
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: really new, regenerated three store you have an incorruptible nature
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: in you, your new reality.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: You're a new creature.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: And so how did you So how did you meet
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: your wife?
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: And how did that happen?
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: The more I thought about these three points that I'm
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: forgiven that my sinful nature has been cut off, and
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: God did it because he wanted to give me his
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: nature in the spirit, it helped me understand that everything
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: happen in the soul, because in the soul we have
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: to renew our mind. The soul is the mind and
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: the and the emotions. So every soul, every scene is
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: just gonna e share. How can I say this? Every
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: scene is gonna you just feeld the evidence that in
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: the in the in your soul, you are not believing
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: the reality of the spirit. So that's the way.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: Now you're not believing in the What what did you say?
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: Every scene you commit is an evidence that you are
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: not understanding who you are in the spirit, right, So
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: it's it's just an evidence when you commit, you say
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: a lie, or you are worried about something, it's because
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: you are not believing something that is already a reality
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: in the spirit. Right. It's because you're not trusting God.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: So it helps you understand that. Every scene helps you
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: understand what has to be renewed in your mind. But
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: from the spirit, it's not happening. It's from the soul.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: It's from the mind. So I walk in these years
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: just meditating. I didn't I remember that. I didn't start
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: saying like, okay, Lord, it has been one month that
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: I haven't the watchborn. Oh there has been two months
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: that I haven't slept with a guy. No, I didn't
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: do that. That is gonna put performance on my shoulders.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: What I did was I just say, Wow, Lord, it
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: has been one month that I believed that you forgave me. Wow,
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: has been two months that I believe that you gave
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: me a new nature. Wow, Lord, it has been three
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: years whatever. You know that I have been understanding who
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I am in you. This is my identity. This is
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: something that I didn't perform. You did it. So whenever
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: temptation comes, I don't doubt the world because of what
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: I feel. I doubt what I feel because of the world.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: This is the key. Don't doubt what the word says
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: because of what you feel. Doubt what you feel because
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: of the world. Whenever I feel something that is against
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: the spirit, I said, Okay, I'm feeling that, but I
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: know I never been there and I cannot even produce
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: that because of my new nature and the spirit period.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: This being said, the more I walk in that reality,
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: I think that the Lord somehow prepare me to be
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: with a wife. I remember one day I asked him,
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: nor if ever I get married. I just asked him
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: this because he's my father, and I said, I asked
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: everything I said to him, Lord, if ever I get married,
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: what would film my wife sexually talking? What you're gonna experience?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: I want to know? And the Lord showed me a
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: vision and the vision these women that I didn't see
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: her face was having fireworks insteade of her because we
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: were together, and I said, what this is what I'm
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: going to do to her? Like for me it was
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: amazing because I felt so not man enough that for
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: me it was okay, I have what I got to
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: do that And I said, okay, you're telling me that
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: I am I'm man enough to give pleasure to a woman. Okay,
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: so if that's the case, I would like to be
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: with my wife. That's what's it. You know. That's the
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: way it started, Like not sexual attraction, but I would say,
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: more like a restoration who I am as a man.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: And years later I remember, well I went into a
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: relationship with a girl. It was a disaster. It was
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: not from God. And after that, I stay like three
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: years single. I just wanted to go deep more and
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: more with God. I just want to know him. I
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: just wanted more of Jesus. And that's it. I wasn't
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: expecting to get married. I wasn't expecting nothing. And one day,
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: I remember the Lord told me through someone. He said
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: to me, open your heart, because I'm gonna give you
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: someone who has her identity in me and who's gonna
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: recognize me in you. And I said, okay, I opened
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: my heart, but I'm not interested. So one month later
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: I went to church, and I was a church and
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: after church, everybody goes to the restaurant to it. And
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: when I was there, I arrived the last all seats
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: were taken. Just one seat was available, and I remember
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: that I sit there because I had a friend next
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: to me, and in front of me there was a
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: girl that I haven't never seen. And I remember that
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: I said to myself, okay, check this. I said, oh boy,
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: I'm handsome, and I know that happens to me that
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: girls felt attracted to me, and I don't want anything.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: So if I ever started talking with this girl, I'm
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: gonna share with her my testimony. I'm gonna tell her
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: that I slept with three hundred guys, so she won't
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: be interested at me. She on the other side, she said,
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: oh boy, they see this man in front of me
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: and I am so beautiful and those he's gonna start
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: hitting on me, and I don't want that. So I'm
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: gonna start eating the food as a pig and then
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: gonna fold my mouth and he's gonna be disgusted by me.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: So that was our thinking, both of us. And suddenly
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: when she was kind, she was, you know, just polite.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: She said to me, oh, Carlus, what did you do?
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: And I share my testimony. And after the testimony, I said, okay,
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: by Jesus. Now he's my lord, he's my everything, he's
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: my life, and I have been working with him. And
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: I started talking just like about how much he loved me,
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: and I love him. That's it. And she said to me,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't have your story, but I come
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: also from a difficult background, and today Jesus is my
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: lord and he's my savior. He's my husband, he said
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: to me. At every moment she started talking like that
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: about Jesus, it's like my eyes open to Okay, who
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: is this girl? Who is tre what is this? And
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: I remember that after that, I the week after, we
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: were at church again and I say, hey, are we
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: going to eat? Everybody to the restaurant and they said no, no,
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: nobody's going, but there is someone that has to be
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: taken to the metro station. Would you take that person?
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: I say, okay, yeah, let's take that person. That person
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: happens to be her. Then I take her to the
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: metro station. And while we're going in the car, we
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: start talking about the spiritual, you know, world and the Bible.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: And then I said, okay, like she exists. This girl exists.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: Is I was just shocked by how deep she was
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: in the spirit. And at the end of that I
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: said to me, I said to myself, I said, Lord,
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: if this is coming from you, you're gonna make it happen.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: But I won't even check her Facebook. I won't even
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: go after her. I need you to confirm me if
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: she is the one and there is something Becket, I
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: didn't feel attraction. I don't feel attraction. I'm not you know.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: I remember that every single time I asked the Lord
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: please change my sexual attraction for men toward women. It
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: was the most stupid prayer I ever did, because what
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: I felt for men was lostful desires. It's like I
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: was asking God to make me a woman icer right,
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: because that's the only way I understood sexuality. Every single
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: time that I saw a man, I wanted to take
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: advantage of this body for my pleasure, and I was
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: asking God to give me that for women. God would
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: never answer that prayer. Ever, there is no way lostful
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: desire will come from from the spirit to tell you, okay,
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: are you feeling that in your body for her? That's
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: because she's the spirit will never work that way, there
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: is no way. So I remember that I I wasn't
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: attracted to her physically, I was just attracted to the spirit.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: And six six weeks us by and finally we met
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: again at a place a friend of us like managed
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: to put us together. And at the very moment that
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: I saw her, she asked me, hey, you know, I've
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: been seeing about your ministry and everything. And when she
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: started asking me about the ministry, I felt the conviction
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: of the Holy Spirit telling me go, like go, she's
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: the one like go. Immediately I say, okay, she's my wife.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: We're gonna Maeric's it. I remember that immediately after I
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: became a gentleman. So I started like behaving, you know,
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: like like showing my interest in her. And ten days
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: later I asked her telephone. I started chatting. Immediately, I
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: took this conquered position to conquer her, and after ten
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: days I said to her, listen, this is what happened
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: to me since the day I met you until today.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: I would let to ask you to date, if we
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: can date, but to I want you to understand that
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for marriage, and I wouldn't ask you to
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: marriage me today, but I would do it. She said, Okay,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: let's start dating, but not more than six months. If
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: we're not clear, after six months is over. So after
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: two months I gave her the ring, and three months
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: later we got married. Wow, very very interesting here the connection.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: First connection was spiritual. Second connection was the soul. We
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: didn't even kiss until marriage, not even one you know,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: kiss nothing until marriage. We said we won't do it.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: We are versions. You know. My puzzles and exists. I
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: don't think about oh, I'm gonna my you know my my,
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: My masculinity is gonna be there, I'm gonna be man
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: enough for I didn't think about that vision. My puzzles
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: and exists. I've never been gay, I've never been with
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: women men, nothing, it does and exists. I am forgiven.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: So I went into marriage understanding that I am. I
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: was virgin, and and I know it sounds crazy because
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: I said, Okay, yes, left with six hundred guys. No,
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: that's part of my story, but it is not part
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: of my present. And and I remember that because we
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: were so connected in the spirit, then the connection of
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: the soul happened during the five months of relationship. That
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: the connection, the physical connection at the at the our honeymoon,
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: it was just and and consequence of the spiritual connection
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: and this and the solish connection. Wow. So and you know,
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 1: we went to to to to to have intimacy based
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: on discovering each other and and keeping in mind first
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: Corinthians seventy four, which says that you are you have
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: no rights on your on your body. But I had
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: this said that in in English because it's just.
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 3: The count you go, right, Is that what you mean?
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah? But it it says in a way that has
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 1: been twisted. But agay, wife does not have authority over
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: her own body that the husband does. And many people
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: take that into musif. But immediately after it says and likewise,
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: the husband does not have authority over his own body,
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: but the wife does. So it means that you won't
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: ever look for your sexuality or for your pleasure. You
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: look for her pleasure and she looked for your pleasure.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: And that's it. And the Lord told me your pleasure
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: is hidden in her pleasure. Just go after her at
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: her way. You know, women's ways are different than men.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: And even the Lord guide me to understand this, and
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: I share this often. I said, the Lord told me
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: how to prepare my wife to have in tenacy, to
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: make her desirement the most. And the way to do
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: it is by cleaning the room, cleaning the house, and
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: taking care of care of the dishes and taking care
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: of the bills. You behaved that way to make her
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: feel secure, to make her feel that she's taking care
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: she wants to be with you. That's the way women
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: works exactly.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's true. So yeah, how long have you
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 3: been married now?
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 1: It has been already six years.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And what is your mom, your mother think of
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 3: all of this?
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: My mom is already with the Lord. She experienced my
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: in fact, she was in Christian so after I had
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: my encounter with the Lord in twenty fifteen, three years later,
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: she was diagnosed with a stomach cancer. And in the
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: middle of all the situations, she had her encounter with
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: the Lord herself and was one of the most beautiful
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: conversions I ever seen. And after that, ten months later
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 1: she went to the it was beautiful. Yeah, that's amazing.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: So she never met my wife.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 3: I love.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 4: I love that she became a Christian and she's with
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 4: the Lord. So wow, Well that's that's an amazing story Carlos's.
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: And you know, many people said, oh, your marriage and
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 1: your kids are the seal of your testimony, and it's
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 1: not true. The seal of my testimony is the is
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: a deep comprehension of the Gospel. It's a deep comprehension
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 1: of forgiveness, the same position of the sinful nature and
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: the new nature in the spirit. That's the seal of
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: my testimony. My family, my kids, all that is just
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: a consequence of that.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 3: It's a blessing.
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an addict. Yeah. I wasn't looking for that.
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: I was just looking to understand who I am, how
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: he sees me, how what it means to be really forgiven,
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: what it means, what he says, what you know to
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: clarify all those multiple verses that I just got crooked,
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: And he did it, and he shared a lot with
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: me in fact, I wrote a book and it's it's
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: it's in Spanish and French. It's in speakable and explainable. Yeah,
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: in the English version is coming, but it's going to
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: be unexplainable. This easier. It's like four hundred pages, you know,
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: where I clarify verses and where I share how to
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: live by the spirit, how to to renew your mind,
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: how to left let behind your past, how to get
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: hold on the on the new reality of the new life,
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: the new creature, how to work in that reality because
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: the fights always be there. Even in first period two
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: eleven it says that there is there is a fight
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: against our soult and this is coming from the flesh
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: and it's gonna always be there. But if you stay
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: in the spirit, if you learn to rest in everything
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: that were accomplished for you, you're gonna conquer. You're gonna
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: have victory. There is freedom. It's already it's the Laura
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: already did it and what so? Yeah, and the book
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: is gonna be released soon, like in one or two
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: months more maximum.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 3: Oh it will it be on Amazon?
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it will be on Amazon.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 3: Okay, good? And so what do you what are you
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: doing now? I mean besides writing books like what do
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 3: you are? You?
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 4: Are you in full time ministry now? Or what's your
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 4: vocation currently?
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: Currently? I am. I am working in a in a secular job.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: Because I was full time ministry, it was doing I
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: was doing great. I had the opportunity to to share
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: training with more than four thousand ministers and to visit
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: many many churches train the gospel and also sharing the
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: testimony and helping others. But since my my wife got
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: pregnant with twins, we knew I had to stop traveling,
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: so I should. For the moment, I'm just thinking of pampers.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: You know, how do you say pampers, the diapers, vipers.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: I'm just of diapers and and and bottles. And you know,
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: it's just like that is our every single day is
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: the same than before, and we know it's going to
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: be the same the day after. I mean two months
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: we're adding the new baby. It's just gonna be crazy.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: And we don't have family here all that I wouldn't
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: have family, so.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 4: Only yeah, well let's let's stop there.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, I just have to say, the only.
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 4: Only God can can take someone who was sexually abused
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 4: for seven years or whatever it was and bring them
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 4: to a place where they're now married to a woman
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 4: and have you know, it's three kids.
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: Basically, I mean.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 4: Only God can It's like, you can't ever imagine that
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 4: would happen. But God is just like he's a god
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 4: of miracles, He's a god's he's he's so powerful and
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 4: he can do anything. And he completely just pulled you
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 4: out of darkness and into light and then gave you
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 4: all these blessings.
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: It's exactly that. But I understand something. I had to surrender.
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: I had to get to the point where I said,
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: I don't care any more about my life, I'm my crazy,
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: decided to change my obsession, to change my sexuality. I
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: just surrender everything. And at the moment I did it
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: that I focused myself on him who he is, what
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 1: he says, and I used I used to giving more
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: credit to what he says that what I feel. Everything
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: started to change.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: I think that that that's the biggest struggle to our
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: society because we are so focused in what we feel
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 1: and what we perceive that we make of that our
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: our rules is like our feelings are become our lord,
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: the guide they desire who we are, and it's not true. Yeah,
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: if we understand that that, as I said to the Lord, Lord,
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't choose to be gay. I didn't choose to
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: feel this attraction. I didn't choose this at all. I
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: didn't choose. Why you come then me for something that
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 1: I didn't choose to is like the murderer can stop murdering,
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: and the liar can stop the saying lies, and and
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: and the other one who rob the one who robs
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: he can't stop stealing. But how can I stop feeling this?
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to feel this. I didn't choose it.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: And then the Lord gave me this understanding that it's
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: not about deciding to feel. I didn't decide to feel
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: or not to. But what I did desire was to
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: put all my identity in my feelings.
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 4: That was to put all your identity in Christ. Is
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 4: that what you're saying?
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when I put all my identity in my feelings,
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: I was as gay as I could. When I decided
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: to put my identity in Christ. And in what he says,
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: my life completely changed. My affection changed, as your book,
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: my affection changed, everything changed everything. I gave more credit
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 1: to what he says than what I feel, and I
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: don't doubt what he says for what I because of
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: what I feel. I doubt what I feel because of
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 1: what he says. Man, well, you know, the enemy gonna
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: throw arrows, you know. Yeah, you're gonna feel and you're
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: gonna feel it that you said. You know. Yeah, Laura,
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: I'm getting this. I'm feeling it. But if you if
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 1: you give me one minute, I'm gonna just something that that. Yeah,
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: just it's beautiful. I remember one day I was at
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: my job and I work a car dealer, and in
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: this car dealer, I remember there were two guys passing
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: by in front of me.
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 3: And why you worked at that? You say you did a.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: Car dealer, at a car dealer, I was a selfish
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: I am a car salorsman, and at that time I
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: was working in a dealer, in a car dealer. And
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: then I remember that two guys passed by, and suddenly
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: all kinds of feelings started to be coming into me,
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: and thoughts and all kinds of prior It was crazy.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: It was like like health breaks in my mind. Was crazy,
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: and I felt so much and I said, okay, this
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: is weird because I don't feel this anymore. And I
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 1: know something's happening. And I remember I went to the
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: back of the truck and I started praying, and I
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: started praying tongues and I started just praying. Didn't know
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: what to do because it was soberwhelming, and I couldn't
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 1: I couldn't, you know, make it leave. It was so off.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: It was a feeling, it was like a desire. It
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 1: was like my body was responding. Was crazy. And I
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: was there in the middle of that, and I kept praying,
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: and it's like I've listened to a voice saying to me,
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 1: come back, come back. This is what you like, this
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 1: is what you enjoy, come back, come back. And I
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 1: just kept praying and kept praying, and after a while,
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: I hear another voice in my mindset telling me, where'd
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 1: you come back if you've never been there? I said, oh,
• 1:25:36
  Speaker 1: how can I come back there if I've never been there? Lord,
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 1: this is not coming from you. It's true. I've forgiven
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: I've never been there, saying Lord, this is the enemy's
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: attacking me. I've never been there. At the moment I
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 1: did that, becked, every feeling, every feeling, every thought, everything
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: went away. It was an attack.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 3: Amazing.
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just rested in the fact that he forgave
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: me and left me off as you've never been there.
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 4: Amen, All right, well we're gonna leave it there. That
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 4: is an amazing story, Carlos. Thank you so much for
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 4: sharing your story.
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I appreciate it.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 1: He's a pleasure. It has been a pleasure.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 3: All right. Well, we will see you guys next time.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 3: Thank you for watching.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes
• 1:26:34
  Speaker 2: of The Beckett Cook Show are also.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 3: Available on YouTube.
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 2: website at Beckettcook dot com.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 4: Thank you to the team at Life Audio for their
• 1:26:47
  Speaker 4: partnership with us. If you go to lifeaudio dot com,
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 4: you will find more faith centered podcasts about prayer, Bible study, parenting,
• 1:26:54
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