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Emotional Control Is the New Power Skill (S5) S6:E3 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well, hey guys, good morning, it's John C.
0:27
Morley here, Serial Entrepreneur.
0:29
So the internet did a little bit of
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a glitch yesterday, so we're actually redoing this
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show from February 2nd.
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That happens every once in a while, it's
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very rare, but it does happen sometimes.
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opportunity to personally welcome you here to Inspirations
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for Your Life.
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It's always great to have wonderful people here
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1:01
So yes, it is so great to be
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1:09
And I have something great to share with
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First of all, don't forget to check out
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amazing, inspiring creations, which you can do, guys,
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1:27
And yeah, we have a great show for
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1:31
Well, today, I should say, it was actually
1:32
yesterday, but we're redoing this show.
1:35
That happens.
1:36
I think that happens once or twice a
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All right, guys, without any further ado, let's
1:58
get right into the show.
2:00
The world rewards the quietly strong, not the
2:03
loudly powerful.
2:05
That's important, guys.
2:07
The power of being unseen, underrated, and unbothered.
2:12
Today is the show for Monday, February 2nd,
2:15
even though today is actually Tuesday.
2:17
Emotional control is the new power skill.
2:20
Yup.
2:20
Series 5, show 6, episode 3.
2:23
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again back to
2:25
Inspirations for Your Life, the daily motivational show
2:28
where we turn real life into real growth
2:31
with mindset, strategy, and calm execution.
2:34
Who am I?
2:34
Oh, sure.
2:35
I'm John C.
2:36
Morley, serial entrepreneur, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
2:41
host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student, and a
2:44
passionate lifelong learner, and it is my privilege
2:46
and my pleasure to be with you here
2:48
today to share these great nuggets.
2:51
So today we're talking about a power skill
2:53
that doesn't come off flashy, but quietly changes
2:58
everything emotional control, because in today's world, the
3:02
person who can stay steady while everyone else
3:05
spirals wins the room, wins the negotiation, wins
3:09
the relationship, and wins the long game.
3:12
And I think that's what a lot of
3:12
people don't realize is that, you know, we're
3:13
in life for the long game, not the
3:15
short game.
3:16
So emotional control, guys, isn't suppressing feelings.
3:22
Nope.
3:23
It's directing them, and it's choosing a response
3:28
instead of handling your power to a reaction.
3:32
I think a lot of people, you know,
3:34
I think a lot of people miss that
3:35
whole concept.
3:36
They miss what it's about.
3:37
They miss what's going on.
3:42
And I think it's important to, you know,
3:45
really understand that, because that can make such
3:48
a difference in your life and everyone else's
3:51
life, and it can help you get to
3:52
your promised land faster, to your goals, right?
3:57
Let's dive right into point number one.
3:59
Number one is reaction gives your power away.
4:04
Pause and take it back.
4:06
I think a lot of people, I'll give
4:08
you a perfect example, when somebody's on the
4:09
telephone and they respond, right?
4:12
They respond because of something that happened.
4:19
And that's very, very important to know, you
4:25
know, really, really important, because, you know, we
4:28
lose our power when we're forced to react,
4:33
okay?
4:34
When we are forced to react, and I
4:36
think that's a very interesting thing, guys.
4:41
We lose this power because suddenly it's like
4:46
we're put into this predicament.
4:48
I mean, we don't necessarily want to be
4:49
in the predicament, but we're put in the
4:52
predicament.
4:52
And the predicament says, you know, this is
4:55
where we are.
4:56
This is what's going on.
4:58
And I think that's something that a lot
5:00
of people need to really embrace.
5:03
They need to understand it.
5:07
You know, sometimes you're in a negotiation, for
5:09
example, and I always tell people, look, if
5:12
you know you need time, you can say,
5:14
look, let me review this and I'll get
5:16
back to you.
5:16
On the phone, you have a little bit
5:17
of power, right, where you can do that.
5:19
In person, I don't know why people say
5:21
they don't want to do that.
5:23
But it's important.
5:26
And so when we feel like we're off
5:28
guard, we need to just chill a little
5:32
bit, okay, chill.
5:33
And that chilling can really help us gain
5:36
some composure and some control.
5:38
Number two, guys, calm responses when chaos is
5:43
begging you to swing.
5:45
I know the opportunity comes, you're like, oh,
5:49
I don't know what I want to do.
5:50
I don't know how to do it.
5:53
The truth of the matter is, it's about
5:55
you understanding and you being, let's say, someone
6:02
who can understand the situation around you, okay.
6:08
I think that's a very important thing to
6:11
realize.
6:12
It's about something around you and something around
6:15
you that could potentially change who you are,
6:19
okay.
6:20
It could change who you are because you
6:23
have time to actually think.
6:26
You have time to actually do something and
6:28
not just like, you know, react.
6:31
We've talked about being reactive and proactive.
6:34
And, you know, when we are proactive, it's
6:37
like we're ready, right.
6:41
We're calm.
6:42
We've got the right emotions.
6:44
We've got the right actions, the right thoughts.
6:48
We do the right things.
6:49
We don't make mistakes.
6:51
Number three, emotional discipline builds leverage you can't
6:56
buy.
6:58
You know, guys, I love that one because
7:00
everybody thinks you can buy everything, but you
7:04
can't buy everything, all right, especially not emotional
7:07
intelligence or even emotions.
7:09
You just can't do that.
7:11
And so I want to tell you guys
7:13
that it is very important to respect that
7:19
and to know that your emotional discipline builds
7:23
leverage and using it wisely, you know, not
7:27
just executing it like some power play.
7:30
I said before, it's the ones that are
7:32
the quiet ones that actually, you know, get
7:35
ahead in life, right.
7:38
They get ahead and I think that's a
7:39
very, very important thing.
7:42
Are you ready for number four?
7:44
I am.
7:44
Number four is patience controls outcomes.
7:49
Rushing usually pays a tax or causes you
7:52
to do something over and over again because
7:54
you keep doing it wrong.
7:57
Now, did you want to do it wrong?
7:59
Not really, guys.
8:01
But you did it wrong and now you're
8:03
like, oh my gosh, what am I supposed
8:04
to do?
8:05
Right, what am I supposed to do?
8:07
And that comes down to this whole question
8:11
of, you know, how do I become patient?
8:14
How do I realize that if I just
8:17
step back, if I just take time, I
8:20
won't get into that trouble.
8:22
I won't have that problem.
8:24
I won't do something wrong.
8:26
I won't have to redo it over again,
8:28
right.
8:28
Haste makes waste.
8:30
So, patience controls the outcome and when we
8:32
rush, we usually have to pay in time
8:36
or money and other resources and that's not
8:38
fun.
8:39
Number five, guys, calm minds see options that
8:42
angry minds miss.
8:45
Okay, so why is that?
8:46
I think the biggest point I want to
8:48
share with you about that is that it's
8:51
about you understanding what goes on.
8:57
And when you are realizing that, you can
9:03
understand about what's happening, all right.
9:10
And maybe what's happening doesn't seem apparent to
9:14
you, okay, maybe it doesn't.
9:16
But I'm here to tell you that when
9:18
you have a cool mind, and I mean
9:21
cool in the sense of being calm, not
9:23
cold mind, okay, you create this dynamic, one
9:31
that a lot of people don't even think
9:33
is possible.
9:34
It's like our brain focuses on what we
9:37
want most, right.
9:38
So, when we focus on something and we
9:40
keep focusing on that, that's what we're going
9:41
to track more of in our life.
9:42
Now, it doesn't happen in 24 hours.
9:44
It doesn't happen in five minutes.
9:46
It doesn't happen sometimes in a day or
9:48
a week or a month.
9:49
Might take longer, but we slowly start to
9:52
gravitate toward that.
9:53
Number five, guys.
9:55
Number five is, yes, as I said, calm
9:57
minds, it's the options that angry minds miss.
10:00
So, I want you to remember that.
10:02
Number six.
10:03
Number six is restraint creates authority, volume doesn't.
10:08
Sometimes, just because we can, doesn't mean we
10:12
should.
10:13
Let me say that again.
10:15
Just because we can, does not mean that
10:18
we should.
10:21
When you think about that, you're like, well,
10:24
I can do whatever I want.
10:25
Well, if you do something and it's going
10:26
to harm somebody or hurt someone, or it's
10:28
going to do something and make them feel
10:31
bad, why do you do it to make
10:33
yourself feel good?
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That's really shallow, really shallow, guys.
10:40
Number seven, emotional awareness equals freedom.
10:45
Name it and then choose what you want.
10:49
Think about the freedom you want in your
10:51
life, and you can have that freedom, guys.
10:53
You absolutely can have that freedom.
10:56
It just might take you a little bit
10:57
of time, all right?
11:00
And so, understanding that whole proposition of what
11:04
goes on or why things go a certain
11:07
way is something many people just don't, I
11:11
guess they just don't get it, right?
11:13
They don't get the fact that it's about
11:17
where we are at the moment, but it's
11:21
about the fact that we can have freedom
11:25
when we choose and take the actions toward
11:29
it, okay?
11:30
So, thinking about it is one part, but
11:31
we still have to take the decisive actions
11:33
that we get.
11:35
Number eight, guys, control buys time, and time
11:39
creates better decisions.
11:42
When you have control, it's like you feel
11:45
like you're given another life.
11:47
You feel like maybe what you're doing is
11:49
pretty amazing, and that can happen, guys, every
11:53
single day of your life, and I'll tell
11:54
you why it happens.
11:55
It happens because you are suddenly in this
11:59
state where now it's like, oh, wow, this
12:02
is kind of amazing for me, right?
12:05
And when you have that poise, when you
12:08
have that certain demeanor, you kind of reflect
12:12
back and be like, oh, wow, this is
12:13
kind of neat.
12:14
You know, I understand this.
12:15
I'm being the way I want to be,
12:18
right?
12:21
And so, that's a very, very important thing
12:24
to a lot of people.
12:25
You know, they just don't realize, you know,
12:28
what that means, and that's a very, very
12:32
important thing, guys.
12:34
A very, very important thing to realize and
12:38
to understand.
12:39
So, control does buy time, and as I
12:41
said, time creates better decisions.
12:43
Number nine, calm leaders stabilize everything they touch.
12:48
You know, you might have heard of certain
12:50
people, you know, whenever you give it to
12:52
them, they break it.
12:53
They make it worse.
12:54
Have you ever heard of some people that,
12:55
like, you know, whenever that person gets involved,
12:56
it's like they work their magic, and they
12:58
get everyone to kind of, you know, become
13:02
a chameleon and work together, and it's like
13:04
this real special gift that they have of
13:08
trying to get everybody to feel wanted, and
13:10
then having them be part of a team,
13:12
a team where everyone's valued.
13:15
Number 10, guys, reactivity drains influence faster than
13:19
failure.
13:20
Yeah, when something isn't going the way you
13:23
want, the best thing to do is not
13:25
to challenge the behavior, but to tell people,
13:32
hey, look, this is something that could be
13:40
done a little differently, right?
13:41
And if you're going to challenge the behavior,
13:43
that is much better to do than challenging
13:46
the person, because it's not the person you
13:47
want to ever change.
13:49
It is what?
13:50
It is the behavior, right?
13:53
Somebody might say something like, hey, you know,
13:54
I'm shy.
13:55
You might say something like, well, you know,
13:57
you're a great person, and you definitely have
14:00
skills.
14:02
Not when you're trying to say, no, you're
14:04
not, okay?
14:05
It's how you phrase the format, okay?
14:09
All right.
14:10
Number 11, emotional maturity compounds like interest quietly
14:15
daily.
14:16
Nobody knows about the interest that's compounding in
14:18
the bank, right?
14:19
But yet they still keep doing it over
14:22
and over again.
14:23
And I think that's a very important thing
14:26
to realize is how that works, okay?
14:32
That works because you understand where you're coming
14:38
from, okay?
14:41
You recognize where you're coming from.
14:45
And when you recognize where you're coming from,
14:47
guess what?
14:48
Everyone else recognizes where they're coming from too.
14:54
So calm beats chaos because chaos can't think
15:00
straight, number 12.
15:02
Calm beats chaos because chaos can't think straight.
15:05
And if you're getting a moment where you
15:07
know you are chaotic, take a few breaths.
15:10
Take a inhale for four, hold it for
15:13
two, exhale for six.
15:17
And you can do that a few times,
15:18
right?
15:19
Usually three or four times.
15:21
And so when we know that success doesn't
15:24
live in chaos, why is it that we
15:29
put energy to keep chaos going?
15:31
Is it because we're trying to keep the
15:33
ball in play?
15:35
But maybe sometimes the ball needs to come
15:37
out of play.
15:38
Maybe it needs a break, right?
15:40
I mean, this is just being honest, what
15:42
I'm sharing with you.
15:44
Number 13, silence under pressure is a power
15:47
move.
15:49
So if somebody's quiet because they want to
15:51
be quiet, that's one thing.
15:52
But if somebody is quiet under pressure, and
15:55
that's power.
15:56
That's power that could be harming and hurting
15:58
people and, well, being disrespectful to them.
16:03
It could also be discriminating to them.
16:04
There is silent discrimination, I don't know if
16:06
you know that.
16:07
But just because somebody doesn't talk to somebody
16:08
doesn't mean you're not discriminating.
16:11
The fact that they're not talking to you
16:12
might be the fact that they are against
16:15
you.
16:15
It could be, it could be.
16:18
Number 14, controlled emotions build trust people can
16:22
feel.
16:26
I like to think of this as synergy,
16:28
like in a relationship.
16:30
You have a yin, you have a yang.
16:31
When you give and you take, things go
16:35
pretty amazingly, right?
16:39
And I will tell you that this is
16:42
something that a lot of people just don't
16:44
understand.
16:45
They think it's all about putting strong emotions
16:49
out there because if we put strong emotions
16:50
out there that are going to be powerful,
16:51
then we're going to knock everybody down and
16:53
that's going to win the game.
16:55
No, this isn't war, guys.
16:56
It's not war.
16:57
We want to control our emotions.
17:01
We want to get them to build trust
17:05
and we want to get them to cultivate
17:08
this environment of warmth and gratitude and appreciation.
17:17
That's what gets people to respond, guys.
17:20
It's not the, you better do this.
17:23
Nobody wants to respond to that.
17:24
Nobody wants a dictator, all right?
17:27
Number 15, guys.
17:32
Calm, negotiation power, listen, breathe, and speak.
17:36
I know a lot of people that just
17:38
want to rush that.
17:39
They want to like, oh my gosh, you
17:39
got to do this.
17:41
But then they suddenly come off really bad
17:44
and it's like, well, what am I going
17:45
to do?
17:48
And they come in like a bull in
17:50
a china shop.
17:51
Did they mean to do that?
17:52
I don't think they meant it, but it
17:55
was their demeanor.
17:56
It was their personality.
17:58
And that personality may just cause people to
18:02
change, okay?
18:06
People to change.
18:09
And that's a very important thing to understand.
18:17
Very, very important thing to understand.
18:20
And sometimes people don't just get that.
18:25
So they figure out, well, you know what
18:27
I'm going to do?
18:27
I'm going to become this person.
18:33
This person that maybe is not somebody that
18:36
you want to be around, but somebody that
18:38
has this control.
18:39
Somebody that has the control that you're thinking
18:41
of can just cause problems, okay?
18:47
And these problems can give us, well, an
18:52
issue.
18:53
An issue that gets us to think, oh
18:55
my gosh, what am I going to do?
18:56
What am I going to say?
18:57
And when we lose control, it's like, how
18:59
do I even respond to that?
19:02
How do I even respond to that?
19:05
And you might say to yourself, well, you
19:07
know, I don't know.
19:10
But I know calming helps, right?
19:12
I know calming helps.
19:16
You might say to me, John, I don't
19:18
understand that, okay?
19:25
But maybe it's about you listening more.
19:29
I'm just going to be like a for
19:31
instance.
19:31
Maybe it's about that.
19:32
Just maybe, maybe not.
19:35
But if you understand that much, then you
19:39
can go and grow.
19:43
See, it's not about having a power trip.
19:47
It's about operating in a delicate environment, in
19:52
a space where you balance authority.
19:56
You don't become authority 24-7.
19:59
You lead with a soft stick.
20:01
That's not an accident, that phrase.
20:03
Number 16, emotional intelligence outperforms ego every time.
20:08
When we use our mind, when we try
20:10
to connect with what it is people want,
20:13
and we want to do good, you know
20:14
what happens?
20:16
People want to do good for us, right?
20:20
Number 17, discipline creates clarity when feelings get
20:24
loud.
20:25
Feelings are going to get loud sometimes, guys.
20:27
It happens.
20:28
People are human.
20:30
Our job is to keep ourself in check.
20:33
And when we keep ourself in check, do
20:34
you know what happens?
20:36
Other people start to say, wait a minute.
20:38
I think I'm blowing this out of proportion.
20:40
When you don't say it and they realize
20:43
it on their own, wow, it's a big
20:45
epiphany.
20:46
And now they feel like they're a jerk.
20:50
And you didn't say anything.
20:51
But they suddenly realize it.
20:52
When they self-correct, they feel bad.
20:58
And they can very casually change without losing
21:03
face.
21:05
Number 18, guys, calmness reduces regret.
21:10
Because you don't say what you can't take
21:12
back, right?
21:14
Once it leaves our lips, we can't take
21:17
it back.
21:18
We can say, I'm sorry, but we can't
21:20
take what we said ever back.
21:21
Kind of like when we post them on
21:22
the internet.
21:23
There's no guarantee that it's actually going to
21:25
be gone when we delete it.
21:26
Probably not.
21:28
Number 19, guys, neutrality can be a strategy.
21:32
Don't get baited by it.
21:34
A lot of people think that when somebody's
21:36
being neutral, they're being their friend.
21:38
But maybe they're just trying to stay on
21:41
the edge.
21:42
They're not trying to take a side, right?
21:45
They're trying to become unbiased.
21:48
They're trying to figure out what's the best
21:51
way.
21:52
You know, number 20, control the moment.
21:59
And you control the direction.
22:04
So I'm going to give an example of
22:06
this.
22:06
I had this with a client a few
22:07
days ago.
22:08
The client was getting a little bit, I
22:13
don't want to say nasty.
22:14
But they were raising their voice a little
22:17
bit.
22:18
And they were blaming me for something, making
22:21
something too complicated.
22:23
When I wasn't making anything complicated, I was
22:25
just doing what anyone would do in this
22:28
case.
22:29
And it was about technology.
22:31
And I didn't feed into it.
22:33
I didn't yell.
22:34
I didn't try to describe.
22:36
I just let their voice be heard.
22:40
And when their voice is heard, I think
22:43
sometimes they just want to hear themselves.
22:45
I mean, I think that's the bottom line
22:47
there is what I've gathered.
22:48
They want to hear themselves.
22:50
They want to vent.
22:51
That's OK.
22:53
Just be yes, no, that kind of thing.
22:57
Number 21, emotional mastery scales from home to
23:02
boardroom.
23:04
Yeah, you don't just use these skills, guys,
23:07
at business.
23:08
Use them at home.
23:09
Use them in your family.
23:10
Use them in volunteering.
23:12
Use them in all kinds of things.
23:13
If you use them with strangers, maybe you're
23:15
at the grocery store.
23:17
And you see somebody having a hard time.
23:20
Maybe it's somebody at the register.
23:22
And maybe, I don't know, they're trying to
23:24
find an extra $0.50 or $1.
23:26
And you suddenly put that down.
23:30
And you made their day a little lighter,
23:33
a little brighter.
23:35
And when they say, oh, I got to
23:38
pay you back, don't worry about it.
23:40
Just when you can, pay it forward to
23:44
someone else.
23:47
Number 22, guys, calm confidence earns respect without
23:53
demanding it.
23:55
When we're calm and we want respect, guess
23:57
what we get?
23:58
We get respect every single time.
24:03
Without having to yell, without having to scream,
24:05
without having to pull teeth, we get it
24:07
every single time, every single time.
24:14
Less reaction, more results.
24:16
Make that your rule.
24:18
You'll be surprised.
24:19
Number 24, emotional restraint sharpens focus like a
24:26
razor blade.
24:30
When we tune our emotional acuity and we're
24:36
able to restrain, our focus comes more into
24:40
frame.
24:43
And now we have a perspective of not
24:45
just us, but the other person or other
24:47
people.
24:52
Number 25, composure wins the room before you
24:55
say a word.
24:56
The way your body language delivers things.
24:59
We said that the body language is one
25:00
of the most important things that you can
25:03
imagine.
25:05
Okay, it's important.
25:07
And it wins the room every time, or
25:09
it'll lose your room.
25:10
Number 26, calm adapts faster because it isn't
25:13
busy defending itself.
25:15
Nope, calm is just a way.
25:19
And people naturally feel comfortable when things are
25:22
calm.
25:24
Number 27, guys, emotional discipline is trainable practice.
25:30
It's called the pause.
25:32
I call it the pause and I call
25:34
it the breath.
25:36
And that can make the difference of you
25:38
being successful.
25:39
It could also make the difference of you
25:40
being healthy or not, right?
25:43
There was a great book a long time
25:44
ago called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
25:46
And everything in life, it's all small stuff.
25:51
Number 28, control creates stability and stability creates
25:55
momentum.
25:58
That's a powerful one.
26:00
People want control, just be stable and you'll
26:05
get control.
26:07
Number 29, calm outlast pressure because it doesn't
26:10
fight itself.
26:13
It just goes with the flow.
26:15
If you ever had a stream and you
26:16
watched it, and if you see the water
26:18
going down the stream, great.
26:20
But when you ever try to push the
26:22
water back, it doesn't work so easily.
26:25
If you're ever in a stream where you're
26:26
in a pond like that.
26:28
Number 30, emotional control dominates quietly, consistently, permanently.
26:34
It's quick micro challenge because today's practice, the
26:40
pause once.
26:42
One moment where you could react, you choose
26:47
to be calm in response instead.
26:50
And I know that's not easy to do,
26:55
but it's something we all can learn to
26:57
become better at with practice.
27:00
And people around us will notice.
27:02
That's, ladies and gentlemen, how power is built.
27:04
That's how the power dynamic is built.
27:06
That's not the dictatorship way.
27:08
That is the inner calm way of gaining
27:11
control from the inside out.
27:15
Ladies and gentlemen, this has been Inspirations for
27:17
Your Life.
27:18
This was the Monday show, and I'm John
27:22
C.
27:22
Morley.
27:23
And I'm reminding you, the world rewards the
27:25
quietly strong, not the boastful and the loudly
27:28
powerful.
27:29
They're just false facades.
27:31
For more inspiration and nuggets, please visit BelieveMeAchieve
27:37
.com.
27:37
Oh, did I mention you could do that
27:39
24 hours a day from your home, from
27:42
your hiking trail, from your bed, from your
27:46
treadmill, wherever you are, you can do that.
27:50
Because you can instantly go to that state
27:54
of calm.
27:55
And the more you do it, the easier
27:57
and more natural it's gonna feel to just
27:59
do it almost without thinking.
28:01
Become calm instead of reactive.
28:02
Take care, everyone, and be well.