Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / October 10, 2023 | Expresso - Kim Coker

Transcript

October 10, 2023 | Expresso - Kim Coker · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: So this is my testimony.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: God is faithful and God is good.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Even when I'm not.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was born in Waco, Texas.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a Texan.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And although some of you may disagree, I consider that one of the ways God was good to me.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Here I am at one year old.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had already moved at least three times.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Moving was an ongoing theme in my life.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: This picture was taken in Raleigh, North Carolina.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Both my parents and all my grandparents were from Western North Carolina.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: In the most important way God was good to me.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard about God's love and his care all my life.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: When I was four years old, we moved to Durham, North Carolina, where my dad became an associate pastor in the Southern Baptist church.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is my family around that time.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the middle child between two brothers.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And at this point, from when I was four until when I was in high school, my dad was a Southern Baptist minister.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I was a preacher's kid.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is my dad.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Dad and I had an interesting relationship.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I never doubted that he loved me, but I never felt like I was enough.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I spent a lot of energy in my growing up years trying to meet his expectations.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted me to be a doctor.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I did not want to be a doctor.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of pressure on me to do that.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thankful though that we were able to end our relationship in my adult years before he had Alzheimer's.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: He ended up spending the last four years of his life here in Topeka in a memory care unit.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I got the privilege of being with him when he went to glory.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he passed away in 2015.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: My mom and I were always very close.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: She was the epitome of home and of unconditional love.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could always know she was praying for me, and she was always just a phone call away.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Her love language was food.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, she did not pass her Southern cooking gene to me.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Case in point, her recipe for biscuits says, mix it till it feels right.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not a lot of help, Mom.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a more recent photo of me and my brothers.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: We are close, even though Stan, my older brother, lives in Texas, and Scott, my younger brother, lives in Tennessee.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: They are huge support for me.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But back to my timeline.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: After moving four times, attending seven different schools, and dad working at five different churches, we landed back in Burledson, Texas, where I was the only one of the three of us to attend the same high school all four years.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is my senior pictures.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: For you young ones out there, in 1977, you went to the school and you got to wear this lovely drape, and the boys got to wear a tuxedo, and you got a picture with a cab and gown, and that was it.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's your senior pictures.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: So a little different today.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: After I graduated in 1977, I went to Baylor University and got my biology degree, and I loved attending Baylor.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like home.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was a great school.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: But when I came home for Christmas, my sophomore year, this is what I found.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, right, Kim, it's a Christmas tree.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, except it was artificial.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we'd never had an artificial tree.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole time I was home, it felt just as artificial as that tree.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was very uncomfortable.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what we figured out was my parents' marriage was not doing well.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: They separated later that year.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they divorced my junior year when I was at Baylor.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: To say this rocked my world would be an understatement.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: On the outside, I continued to live my perfect little Baptist girl life, but on the inside, I was a mess.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to believe anymore, because if my parents turned their back on everything they taught me, what was true?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it started a long tenure journey of questioning my faith and what is truth.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I did graduate from Baylor in 1981.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And this is my Aunt Faye, whom I'm named after, Kimberly Faye.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: She and her husband were like a third set of grandparents that lived in Texas for us.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll come back to her later.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I attended P.T.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: School in Galveston, and this is us on the seawall.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: The school is two blocks from the ocean, which was kind of cool.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I was still living a very confused life.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I totally detached myself from church and organized religion, and I was just seeking things from everywhere, but God.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I graduated in 1984, and I went to work in a downtown hospital in Houston, Texas.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was a 950-bed hospital.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a small group of our department.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I worked with a very diverse group of people who had all sorts of beliefs and backgrounds, and I was continuing my search for truth.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I read a lot and pondered a lot and asked a lot of people questions.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I was not seeking God.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And really.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So professionally during this time I became interested in pediatrics.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was looking for somewhere to get more pediatric experience, and the Capper Foundation ran an ad one time in this national publication.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Small miracle was that I found it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I knew someone who attended PT school in Kansas that had heard of it and knew that it was a great place to get experience.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I applied and amazingly enough, they hired me in 1986.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I'm gonna work here a couple years and then go back to Texas.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, joke was on me.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just retired from Capper after working there over 36 years.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I really found my calling in life.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love pediatric physical therapy.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I really felt like God led me there.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: But at this point I was still wandering and wandering spiritually.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that led me further and further from the Lord.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just say I was not living a life that honored God.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'd been involved in several, well, I'd been involved in unhealthy relationships and habits and friendships.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's I was a lost kid.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But then in 1990, God intervened.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Kapper sent me to an eight-week course in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Get that.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: An organization sent an employee away for eight weeks.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Way far away, unheard of.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it got me totally out of my life and away from all the unhealthy relationships.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the Holy Spirit used several people at that course to really pound on the door of my heart.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: One of the friends I made was a young widow who had a four-year-old little boy that lived with her parents.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: They welcomed me into their home and were the kind of people that just the light of Christ shone through them at all times.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And they reminded me of what a Christ-filled life was like.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right when I got back to Kansas, I received word that my Aunt Faye had passed away.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I left almost immediately to go attend her funeral.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I stood with our family in the receiving line.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I heard over and over again what an influence my aunt had been in their lives, at pointing them to Christ.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And living the life of what an example of a Christ father is, someone who walked the walk.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: When the visitation was over, I was standing by our casket.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I have never claimed to hear the voice of God, but this time I really think I did because I heard, Kim, you have a choice to make.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: How are you going to live your life?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it broke me.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I came home, I moved from Lawrence to Topeka.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I broke off all my friendships and tried to start seeking God again.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: It took a while to turn the boat around, but amazingly, all those truths that I've been taught growing up were still right here.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So a word of encouragement to any of you who have prodigals.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: The Holy Spirit was constantly pursuing me.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: He was there as I finished Baylor, attended PT school, worked in Houston, and moved to Kansas.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Granted, I did not listen, nor did I like what I heard many times.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: But the Holy Spirit was always there.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: I can look back now and see all the people that he put in my life to provide bumpers for me and to keep me safe.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And people that tried to pull me back to him.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have a prodigal, keep praying.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: God is always working.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm in my 30s.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Capper just became my focus.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I figured I was going to be single the rest of my life, and that was okay because I had God, and I figured my Capper kids would be my kids.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: But God had another plan.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: My very good OT friend Capper and JC her friend R.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: D.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: in 1992.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: We were both in her wedding.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be really good friends, but it was just friends.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm seven years older than Shelley and R.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: D.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And he was dating somebody at the time.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we just gradually became good friends.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we talked about things that we probably would have never discussed if we'd actually been dating.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we knew each other very well.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: So somewhere along the way, it changed.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we did start dating.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: But I've told my girls the way to start a relationship is just to be friends and spend a lot of time with people, with them around other people, so you can see what they're like.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we got engaged in 1994, and then we got married in 1995.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm 35.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we started trying to have kids right away.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: But we weren't successful, so we went to uh fertility dark, and we were able to get pregnant three times.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we never made it past 11 weeks.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And three miscarriages was very hard.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: But God really walked us through that, and the biggest blessing was seeing my husband's faith grow so much.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And during that time is when I really saw him trusting God and learning to lean on him.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: But after three, we decided we weren't going to do that anymore and decided to pursue adoption.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: But any of you who've not gone through adoption, adoption is a roller coaster all of its own, too.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: We had three birth moms pick us and three birth moms change their mind.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: But finally in 1999, we were picked by a birth mother who let us go to her doctor's visits and be present at our daughter's birth.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We were able to watch Caitlin be born and we're the first ones to hold her.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a true blessing.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: After she was born, we pretty much left our file open to be available for another adoption, but really had no interest from anyone.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then in 2002, RD got a call from his friend that there was a one-week-old baby girl who needed a home.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Her attorney had called her because they had previously helped with them adopt, but that R.D.'s friend was eight months pregnant at the time.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: She said, Well, I have a friend that might be interested.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So she called R.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: D, and the attorney said, Well, if you can get the file to me in the next couple hours, I'll throw it in with the other files that I'm sending to the small town where the baby was born.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Caitlin's two and a half, and she's taking a nap.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't get her get up and get moving, so it's like, okay, we have a chance to get a little sister.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you will just get moving, we might be able to do it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because of course my files were on Word Perfect, and our computer at home was now Word, so I had to go in to work and copy all the files, and then I had to get them over there.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So we got everything together, got over there, and we walked into the attorney's office.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: The attorney comes out, and before I can say a word, Caitlin goes, Hi, we want a baby.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, just a minute.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, we don't know that we're getting a baby.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's only if God wants us to have this baby.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is just to give us a chance to have a baby.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then hi, I'm Kim.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: So the birth mom had till this is a Monday.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: The birth mom had till Thursday to make a decision.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't hear anything Thursday, so Artie and I had our little pity party that night.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I get a call from the attorney the next morning, and she said, I want you to remember what you told your daughter.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking, okay, she's gonna let me down easy.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: She says, Well, the birth mom picked you.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: So Mia's whole birth story is a miracle.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have time to tell you all about it.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I can I've used it many times through the years to remind me that God did have a plan because no one else could have written the story that we got her other than God.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: So now, oh wait.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is the night we brought Mia home for the first time.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, that's grandma's house because she was keeping Caitlin.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um so now we're just a happy little family.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: The girls grow, we get busier and busier, and things are you know going well.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: But then 2009 comes.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Caitlin is in fourth grade, Mia is in first.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: I found this big lump in my armpit.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Went to the doctor, they sent me to get in a biopsy.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Next thing I know, I'm sitting in the doctor's office with them asking me, What oncologist do you want to use?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who would you go to?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Then we went to the oncologist, and I felt like I was thrown into a fast-moving train.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I had surgery that week, to put a port, and started chemo the next week.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it was not an easy chemo.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It hit my body hard.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was very fatigued.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: I lost a lot of a lot of strength.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um nothing tasted right.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was hard to eat because nothing tasted good.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I craved the weirdest things.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I craved barbecue potato chips and hostas ojos.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Go figure.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Fake food tasted good and real food tasted bad.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I had neuropathy in my fingers and my feet.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I lost every hair on my body.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when she asked, I had to honestly tell my nine-year-old, I can't promise you I'm gonna live through this.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, in that moment I realized I could never make her that promise.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it really drove home the point that we are not in control, and that's just a false sense of security.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're not promised tomorrow.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I also learned that you don't have to have strength to hold on to God because He's already holding on to you.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: But in that time, because I didn't know how this was all going to turn out, I felt a need to develop some kind of list to give my girls.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I made them memorize a list.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now they might not be able to say it verbatim today off the top of their heads, but if I say the first word, they can complete the sentence.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: God loves you.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: God has a purpose and plan for your life.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: You are never alone because God is always with you.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Mom and dad will always love you.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing will change that.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Attitude matters.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Love is a verb.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Though you can't choose your feelings, you can't choose your actions.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: The most important things in life are not things.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Worthy accomplishments require hard work.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about you, it's about becoming more like him.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I got through the chemo and got into remission.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had to do radiation after the chemo, but what's a little more fatigue at that point?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I did slowly get my streets back and my hair came back.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank God it wasn't all gray, which is what I was really worried about.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and life is good.
• 17:19
  unknown: Hmm.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: But life has its challenges.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Around 2012-2013, really Mia really began struggling at school.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: This was the child who taught herself to read before kindergarten, but she couldn't organize herself out of a wet paper bag.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And she really struggled in the school setting.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: So she got a diagnosis of ADHD.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: But looking back on it now, we could see the signs of what was coming, but we didn't know what it was.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because no one talked about the connected child, no one talked about the pain that adoption can bring, and the effects that it can have on the child's ability to regulate emotions.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: In 2015, Mia's emotional state really imploded.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: She ran away.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing like getting a call from juvenile intake at 2 o'clock in the morning to let you know they have your child in custody.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: When you thought she was sleeping in a room.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Adoption leaves a big wound in some adoptees.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: They've suffered a huge loss at a young age, and it can present as dealing with the trauma.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: They have a big hole they don't know exists, and if they do, they don't know why, and if they and they certainly can't figure out how to fill it.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what we were dealing with.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was not an easy time.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Her dad and I were the target of her anger and her pain.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: And she saw relief from pain in unhealthy ways.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: And all we could do was try to protect her, keep her safe, keep ourselves, and show her love the best way we could.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: But I can tell you there's no easy answers.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: We did the best we could and we got her all the help we could.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it was an incredibly painful time.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the most painful things is she that from that time is she quit believing in God.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: And Patty talks about in her study of Job that Satan loves collateral damage.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: She told me just a couple years ago that the main reason she started questioning God was the fact that I got cancer.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: And she was making slow gains.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then comes 2019.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Caitlin is now a sophomore at Southwest Baptist University, and me as a junior in high school.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the cancer's back.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: They sent me to Omaha and a stem cell transplant was on the table, which sounded terrifying.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: But they couldn't decide because it supposedly was a different kind of cancer than the cancer I had before.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: And um they argued back and forth about what was the best thing to do.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: But they finally decided just to talk to do a different regimen of chemo.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't as hard as the first chemo, and I did achieve remission.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: But when they did the biopsy of the lymph node in my neck at the beginning, after the swelling from the surgery, my spinal accessory nerve was damaged.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I lost function of my shoulder.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: So this is as high as I can reach to the side, and this is as high as I can reach to the front.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um I always said, well, my shoulder's not great, but I don't have cancer.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: So 2020, Mia graduates from high school.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: She tried Washburn Tech but dropped out, but she got a job at Most Pure Heart as a child care worker and really enjoyed it.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Caitlyn got married to Jedadiah, who's an awesome, awesome guy.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um she graduated from Southwest Baptist.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: We got a grand puppy.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: But meanwhile, trying to work as a pediatric physical therapist, my shoulder was hurting all the time.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it was just getting worse.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd gone to PT and she was like, I just don't know what else we can do.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make sure there's not any tear in your shoulder.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: So she sent me to a shoulder specialist to see if there's anything they could do.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: And basically He said, no, there's not.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the only thing you say is, quit doing the things that make it hurt.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's my job, is what was making it hurt.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I told Kapper in January of 22 that I would retire in December of 22, and the plan was that they would hire a therapist by August, that I'd give me time to transition my kids and then go part-time and then be done in December.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But not so fast.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: July 22, the cancer is back.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And after the test confirmed it, they sent me straight to KE Med.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was terrified that they're going to say I had to do a stem cell transplant.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, it's a brutal procedure, and there's very lot, there's lots of risk and lots of complications that can happen, especially when you're my age and when you've had the effects of chemo already on your body.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: So August 5th, the day before I turned 63, I was at KU Med for this appointment.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I got a birthday present.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't recommend a stem cell transplant, they recommended car T therapy, which supposedly for the kind of cancer I have has a 60% success rate.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: So what's involved is they you go in and they use their special little machine, they take blood out one side and goes to the machine, it puts your blood back in and they pull your T cells out.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask me to explain any more than that.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's how they do it.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: They send your T cells off to get modified.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Always said they sent my T cells to a spa in California.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Then three weeks later, they put you in the hospital and give it give them back to you.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it starts with three days of chemo.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: So on September 21st, last year, I got my three days of chemo.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought it was gonna be easy, huh?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was the sickest I've ever been from chemo.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I went in the hospital the 26th to get my T cells back, and you have to be in the hospital all week because the two major side effects are neurotoxicity, which can cause confusion, stroke, or seizures, or um cotokine storm where your immune system kind of goes wacko.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: Luckily, I did not have those side effects, but after I got released for the hospital after a week, I had to stay in Kansas City for 30 days to be within 30 minutes of the hospital.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: And RD had to be with me 24-7.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to follow all the when your immune system is wiped out protocol, change my sheets every two days, heat up all my food to 165 degrees and whole thing.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um I have really good friends, and they raise the money so that we could stay in a two-bedroom hotel suite that had a washer and dryer in the suite, which is a large chunk of change, if you ever look that up.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: But we were able to do that without having to worry about spending any money out of our pockets because of the all the good friends that I have.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: So um we were stuck together, and amazingly enough, we survived that time because my husband is such a wonderful husband.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um he couldn't leave me, that was a protocol.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be with him, so he couldn't go outside because I couldn't go outside.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: And the only thing we did got to do was go to the clinic every day to get blood drawn, and then every night he would take me for a ride just so we could get out of the hotel for a little bit.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: So after a month in Kansas City, I was able to come home, but I still couldn't drive myself because of the risk of the neurotoxicity thing, and I was very isolated still.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: We really couldn't be around people, and the isolation was really, really hard.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I like people.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love my family and my friends, and to not be able to be around them was really hard for the holiday season.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was just our immediate family, we couldn't be with the extended family at all because my counts were so low.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: So they had done a PET scan in October, and it showed the cancer was shrinking.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so they did another PET scan December 27th.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: We get the results back on the 28th.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And not only is the cancer not shrinking, the cancer has advanced.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: We were very devastated.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: And really didn't know what was next.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: But on December 29th, the doctor called and said we want you to come see another doctor on December 30th.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we go in and the new documents recommends a medication that is a biphasic monoclonal therapy.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ask me explaining more than that, called Mozunatusanab.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: It had just been FDA approved on December 22nd.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the office on the 30th.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I get started as soon as the doctor, as soon as the hospital could procure the medication because it was so new.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, I had to be hospitable.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: The first round they gave me in three parts, and for the first two parts I had to go in the hospital for two days because the side effects, the risk are the same of neurotoxicity or cytokine storm.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then starting the fourth week, I've been getting it every three weeks since.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And luckily, I've only had the severe muscle pains like that first treatment, and since then it's just fatigue and um the day of treatment and the day after, and then it also still slams my immune system.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: So my white blood cells are up and down all over the place.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: But after treatment number four, I had achieved remission, which is a miracle.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: So initially they were going to stop at eight treatments and then maybe go another.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then when I went in for the eight treatment, the doctor's like, um, this camp I've been thinking about you.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um you it's come back so many times.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should do maintenance of every two months for a year.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that's on a Wednesday, Thursday morning.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: He calls and says, Well, my colleague and I, and your doctor and and Topeka and I were all talking this morning about you and decided maybe we should just follow the clinical protocol to a T because we're scared it'll come back.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's basically a year, 17 treatments.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I have completed 13 of 17, and um, we'll finish up December 20th.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm still very blessed and amazed at God's timing to think that the medicine was approved a week before I needed it, and CAR T kept me around so that I would have access to it.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: I listened to a video of one of the docs that developed this new medication, and he talks about what dire straits you are in if CAR T fails.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't necessarily feel like I was dying, but that's essentially where I was.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very blessed and very thankful.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: This is our family at Easter this year.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um Mia is working at a job that she really enjoys.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's um works at night at a residential facility for troubled adolescents.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: She's been able to reflect and learn a lot about herself because of working with them.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: She also met her birth mom and birth family while we were in Kansas City, by the way.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's been a blessing because I think it filled some of that hole in her heart, and it also helped her to see how blessed she was in her life.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: She hasn't surrendered her life to Christ yet, but I know God is working.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: I did finally get to have a retirement party in July of 2023.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: Caitlin and Jed bought their first house in August.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Jed is a youth pastor, and Caitlin's heavily involved in the ministry as well.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: She started an online store selling faith-based apparel called Joy Culture Company.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Her mission statement is spreading the joy of the gospel to impact our culture through creating apparel accessories that spark gospel conversations.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really proud of her.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: And this is her company.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Feel free to check it out.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: She's only been at it for a year and it's slowly growing, but I'm really proud of her heart for it.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: So the verse that I memorized this year is Psalm 16, 8, and 9.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, my heart is glad, and my tongue rejoices, and my body also rests secure.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll leave you with this.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've told my girls, no matter what, I win.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: If I live, I get longer time with them and then my husband.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if I die, I go to be with the Lord.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: I will not curse God.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: He is my strength.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: My hope and the anger of my soul is Jesus.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: So Le Deia Gloria, to God alone be the glory.