Latest / Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas / Being a Single Woman in Your 30s | Sharanya Iyer on Love Matters

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Being a Single Woman in Your 30s | Sharanya Iyer on Love Matters · Love Matters With Leeza Mangaldas

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You're both sort of like the odd one out at
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: thirty five. In India, you know, most people are married,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: so many of my friends having kids. I do also
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: see a lot of women in their thirties kind of
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: like panicking or feeling like they're going to miss the bus.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: You know. I do have friends who are kind of
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I answy about the fact that they're single.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: To say that not having this partner is making you incomplete,
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: so you need to go ahead and find this person
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: because then you will finally be whole. What's to say
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: that that partner is going to fulfill that now? I
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: will want a partner, not because I need them. That
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my life in
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: every aspect. I am in control and I don't need
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a man if it doesn't happen. I'm fine other days
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: when I want people, of course, but I don't think
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: that is the lens through which then you can be like,
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: oh you're not happy to see.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: And welcome to love matters. Today, I'm joined by someone
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: who knows what it means to navigate life as a
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: single Indian woman in her thirties. The adventurous globe shotting
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: diver and travel creator Sharanya, I are also known as
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: truly no madly Welcome Sharanya. How are you doing and
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: most importantly, where are you today?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Hi, Lisa, so excited to be doing this. Thank you
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: for having me on this very very I think it's
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: a very important podcast. You're having very important conversations that
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I hope reaches many many more people. And I'm surprisingly
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: home in Mumbai, which is nice. It's nice to be
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: able to do this in my home city at Bome.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you're rarely at homes. Judging by your Instagram,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I'm always seeing you in the most incredible places. So
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: to start with, what's your craziest travel story as a
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: single woman.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Honestly, until a month ago, this answer would have been different.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: But just last month I was in Afghanistan, So I
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: think that just takes the I think it goes up
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: to number one in my most like I guess, it's
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: just been life changing. It's been very, very challenging to
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: have pulled that off, and I've come back learning a
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: lot more, not just about the country, but about just
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: travel in general, my responsibility as a creator, and how
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I want to look at the world with more nuance
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: and not just from like a surface, superficial level. Yeah,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: so I would say that has been the craziest strip
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: so far.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear more. You've been on some
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: really really interesting trips lately. We're going to dive into that,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: but before, actually, let's go back a little. You weren't
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: always living out of a suitcase. There was a time
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: when you had a more traditional nine to five lives.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: When did that shift happen for you? Like, when did
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you decide, Okay, I'm going to go do this.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I was twenty seven when the shift happened. So you know,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: today when I see kids who are freaking out about,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: oh my, what am I? And whereas life going to
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: take me? I'm like, it's never too late to find
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: what you want to do. Very often, in early twenties
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: and your late teens, it's too early to take on
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: the burden of you know, identity and what am I
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: and what is my career path going to be? Firstly,
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: it may not be the same throughout your life. Secondly,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: you can you can pivot later. In fact, I feel
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: my age helped me pivot. You know, it was smoother
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: because I think I was armed with more awareness, information
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: and also how to plan this pivot. So, yeah, it
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: happened for me. At twenty seven, I was working a
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: digital marketing job. I was with a brand with a
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: pretty popular music channel, and I had started to dabble
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: with the world of digital marketing from that side of things.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I think the calling came to me and
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: I saved up for a good like one one and
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: a half years and then took the plund So that's
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: when it happened. It's been eight years now.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, And what were your friends and families reaction when
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: you told me, we're quitting your job to travel the world.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I worked on my parents. It didn't happen. It wasn't
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: like a sudden like. It wasn't I didn't just give
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: them the shock one day. I think they were aware
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: that I was thinking about it, but I was scared myself.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I wasn't convinced myself. So they were with me throughout
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: the journey of considering it to being sure that I
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: want to do it. And I've told people this that
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: your parents are not your enemies, but also they don't
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: control your life. You have to take a stand, you
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: have to you have to fight for yourself, and you
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: have to do it in a way where you're not
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: just going and saying I'm going to do this, support
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: me if you want to, or you know, leave the room. No,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: you have to include them, and I actually gave them
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: a presentation. When I started doing this, people influencer marketing
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: wasn't really a thing, so I had a blog and
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: this was pre real so obviously it was photographs and
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: it was a much smaller group of people doing what
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: I was doing. So I had examples of people who
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: had started to make money. They could have been people
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: outside the country, but there were also a couple of
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: so I had a deck, I had a presentation, and
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, look, these are the kind of
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: brands they're working with. I don't know how much they're making,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: but it's possible.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it was.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: It was not one of those like aggressive conversations, but
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: at the same time, I was very like confident that
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I want to do this, and I look, I'm prepared.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing this on a whim. So I think
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes people get caught up in the extremes.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Either they're just like I want to fight with my
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: parents and I'll do whatever the hell I want to do.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Or then they just going very unprepared and they don't
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: have answers. Your parents are going to ask you questions,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: so you better have some.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Come with a pitch deck. Come with a pitch deck.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. It sounds like your
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: parents are pretty cool. Okay, so, well, you're single or
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: in a relationship at the time. I'm curious how that.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I was single and I had been single for about
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: a year, but still recovering from that Still. I think
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I was towards the end of grieving that relationship, and
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: that's when I was able to look past all of
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: that that was going on, the internal storm, and then
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: take on this because I think I wasn't ready until
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: I had gotten that person out of my system as
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: much as I could at that point. Yeah.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And do you think that traveling to all the
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: incredible and unexpected places you've been has allowed for you
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: to see love in different ways? Has it shifted how
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: you think about relationships?
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Absolutely? It's the last eight years. Of course, travel has
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: been a big, big center piece in my life, but
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: also just meeting different people from around the world, different ideologies,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: having conversations with you must have heard this when we
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: travel you meet strangers, and sometimes it's so much easier
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: to lay yourself there to a stranger. So I feel
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I've had some very deep conversations and very vulnerable conversations
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: with strangers who've come and we've shared some of our
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: deepest stories. And these may not have been romantic potential
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: romantic you know candidates who I spoke to, but just
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: in general, people who cut across age groups. And I
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: do think I've gotten viso if I can say that
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: with just understanding love and it's placed in my life
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: and how much I need to attach my identity to it,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: which I think I did a lot of in my twenties.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you had to pick three to five trips
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: over the last eight years that have really been definitive
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: for you, and we'd have to show a few clips
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: or pictures from those trips that we can as well.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Which moments would you pick to sort of showcase what
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: has really defined your story over the twenties to thirties
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: journey you've made.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I think one big part of the last eight years
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: has been my discovery of my love for the ocean
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: and diving, not just the fact that I got certified
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: and I started diving and I started like learning finally
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: how to like tune into my thoughts. It's such a cliche,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: but when I'm underwater, it's literally the physicality of you
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: cut yourself. There is no noise or you can hear
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: is yourself breathing and tough. You are going to sit
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: with your own thoughts there. And I think that I
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: was never able to cut off. I was never able
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: to really meditate. I still can't on land. It's an
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: alien concept to me. I've never been able to do it.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: When you know, people say tune up the world, you know,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: go into yourself. I can't do that on land, but
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: I can totally do that underwater. And I think it
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: really helped me hold up a mirror to myself. Also
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: because before that, in my twenties, I used to be
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: very like I used to externalize every breakup with he
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: wasn't doing enough, or he wasn't like, you know, he
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: was messing this up. And I think finally asked like, hey,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: you're as much a part of this as the other person.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Let's see where you can coast correct. Let's see where
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: maybe you didn't, you know, conversations like putting down boundaries
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: and speaking up on what you want to do. So
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: I think just discovering the ocean and this space of
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: side where I was finally able to also like look
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: at myself and ask myself questions. So I think one
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: defining trip there was when I went to Australia. It
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: was my first project with the Tourism Board in twenty
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: nineteen and one. It gave me great confidence. I was like,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: oh my, I've just started my journey. Why is Tourism
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Australia calling me down here? And you know? So it
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: was a mix of just work and the ocean and
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: all of this love coming together and meeting Australians. I
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: feel like they're so chill and they're so like out
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: there and they I felt that the people I met
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: that back then on that trip also helped me really
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: like just be more confident as a person and be
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: more like, hey, this is what I want, this is
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: what I don't want. So yeah, I think that trip
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: to Queensland in twenty nineteen was a big, big like
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: I think, I smile why when I talk about it
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: even now. Secondly, I've done a lot of solo trips
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: since then, and I think it's helped me make friends
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: easily make connections easily. It could go both ways, but
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: I'm a fairly social person in general, so I find
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: that when I don't have my familiar people around me,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I actually tend to approach someone and speak to them
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: and listen better. And so I've loved traveling solo. I've
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: spent a month solo in Iran, and we're just just
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: seeing kindness like it exists there in the face of
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: horrible adversity. I think it's helped me being not just
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: kind of to myself, but also show up as a
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: kind of person and just as someone who, like I said, like,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: I think I'm a better listener now that I've started traveling,
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I listen to myself and to everyone else more with
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: more Yeah, I just do it better than I used to.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: And then, let's see, I also started taking this whole
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: scuba diving journey to my audience, so I started hosting
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: trips and just building that sense of, you know, in
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: community in person and meeting them in person and the
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: conversations I've had with them as well. I think just
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: starting that side of my business gave me a lot
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: of joy and also a lot of like, this is
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: just a part of my life. This, you know, being
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: an influence or whatever content creator. Ultimately, I'm doing this
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: because I love meeting people, and I love conversations and
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: just growing and learning from them. Everything I do is
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: about the people's That's what I've realized. Like the country
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: is a backdrop, the nat chore is a sunning backdrop,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: but it's the people I meet and how I learned
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: from them that really drives me.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: It's interesting how there's a sort of seesaw between you know,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: the sense of belonging that one might get from things
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: like home, family, partner, all of that stuff, but in
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: a way also holds you back a little right, Like
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: there is something, as you said, to traveling solo and
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: being so open to everything a new place has to offer,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: and maybe been being unencumbered allows for you to receive
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: all of this new stuff more easily. So have you
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: over these eight years, have there been times when you've
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: traveled with a partner or have you been single through
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: most of it. I'm just curious about how you approach
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: travel because you said sometimes I travel, so sometimes you're
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: traveling with a.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Partner, friends, family. I haven't had a serious partner in
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: eight years. I've dated, but I wouldn't say I've been
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: in love with the past serious. Yeah, So I haven't
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: traveled with a constant like a partner. I've traveled with
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: someone I've dated, but I haven't traveled with like a
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: been in a serious relationship while traveling.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm thirty five myself. I don't know
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: exactly how old i'm but I'm assuming that's how old
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety Yes for the nineties girls, but you know,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: it can be a bit your booth, sort of like
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: the odd one out at thirty five. In India, you know,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: most people are married, so many of my friends having kids.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I am pretty clear that marriage and kids is not
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: a path that I want to go down. I've had
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: some really beautiful relationships. There's been times that I've been single,
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: and I think love is something I have lots of
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: room for in my life, but that traditional marriage and
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: kids path is not really for me. Where do you
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: stand on all of this and what's life like for
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: you as an unmarried mid thirties Indian woman.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: So funnily enough, I don't have a strong stance on
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: yes or no at the moment. No, if someone's going
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: to tell me bro get married, I'm like, how, it's
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: not something even if I meet someone today, marriage for
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: me will take time. Even if this person becomes you know,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: fulfills what I want in a partner. But am I
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: anti marriage or anti kids? No? But I'm okay if
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: it doesn't happen. I think that's where I am. I'm
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: not attaching my dreams to it, so I'm not going
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: to be disappointed if it doesn't happen. And I'm not
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: just saying this. I've done the work, thought about it,
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I've had conversations with myself with people around me, and
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I'm okay either way. It can only happen organically or
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: not at all. It's not something I can plan for.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: And I think that's my fundamental issue in most like
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: conversations in Indian society. It's so I feel like people
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: attach joy feelings to very specific events, assuming that those
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: events will bring these feelings in neow for example, contentment
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: for example, joy and happiness and love for that matter.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Even you're telling me that this one partner is going
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: to fulfill all of those things. Firstly, huge burden on
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: that one person, poor thing on me, per thing. No. Secondly,
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: I have now over these eight years where I've been single,
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: found these feelings so strongly from so many other avenues
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: that I didn't even plan for. Travel is just one
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: of them. Friendships, my parents, my siblings, my work, you know.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: So to say that not having this partner is making
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: you incomplete, so you need to go ahead and find
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: this person because then you will finally be whole. What's
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: to say that that partner is going to fulfill that?
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: And there are off days and on days like when
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: I talk about singleton the fair few times that I
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: do on social media, you know, people will turn around
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: and say, Oh, you're just sounding like you're okay with it.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: You know, how do you know that you're going to
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: be okay with it? I can turn around and ask
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: you the same question with marriage or partnership as well.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Today it's great, can you promise me or can you
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: like stand by your word that tomorrow you're not going
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: to have a fight or you're not going to break
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: up or you're not going to So I'm not looking
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: at it from a negative lens. I'm just saying, as
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: a single woman in my thirties, are there off days
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: where I'm feeling lonely and I'm feeling of course we're human.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be able to stick to that
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: same feeling about this every day. But I think I've
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: done the work enough to know that this can only
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: happen for me if it happens the way organically firstly,
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: and secondly, if it doesn't happen. I'm fine other days
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: when I won't be, of course, But I don't think
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: that is the lens through which then you can be like, oh,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: you're not happy single, because then I can also say
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: that you're not truly happy in a partnership because you
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: had a fight or you had you cried one day.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: So I feel like people just tend to romanticize the
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: perfect version of the relationship and think that that perfect
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: version is what you're missing and you need it, not
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: knowing that I'm actually very very touch would happy right now,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: and I think they can't accept that. How can you
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: be happy without a partner? How is that possible? You're lying?
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think for sure, we've fed a
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: lot of myths about what a happy and successful life
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: looks like, and for women, particularly, marriage and motherhood tend
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: to feature almost irrevocably in the narrative we're fed. So
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm personally invested in dismantling that my not
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: not to say that that can't bring you happiness, of
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: course it can, but many avenues can bring you happiness.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And so I'd like to first actually ask anyone watching
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: this podcast to share in the comments any myths about
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: being single, and particularly about being a single woman in
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: India that they'd like to see dismantled. Do tell us
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: in the comments.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: And also, I thought, maybe you and I can for
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: a little longer romanticize singlehood just a little, because there's
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: so much romanticization of marriage and mother like the whole
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: traditional path everyone gets to see, you know, the dreamy,
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: shabby pictures.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And the relatives all encouraging you to do this and
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: all of that. So that's already there. We don't need
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: to sell that path anymore. So hardly anyone sells the
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: fact that a whole bunch of paths and possibilities. And
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: let's say, for you and I were in our mid
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: thirties and content and happy only in a successful content
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: and happy only So it's okay, it's going to be fine.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Because I do also see a lot of women in
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: that is kind of like panicking or feeling like they're
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: going to miss the bus. You know, I do have
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: friends who are kind of antsy about the fact that
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: they're single and you know, sending out their is yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: because women are sold this language, even if they're worth
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: being tied to their youth and their fertility and all
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: of this, and it's it's really quite unfair. And I
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: think the benefits of marriage mother tend to be overstated,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: and we don't get to hear about all the good
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: stuff that you can also experience and maybe that you
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: can only experience if you're single as well. So what
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: are your favorite things about being single and independent? What
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: are some of the things that you've been able to
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: do because you're single and independent, maybe you wouldn't have
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: been able to do, especially while traveling, were you, you know,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: or had a family.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: I think we're also heard what does it think and
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: sinks dual incum nocid, So single incum nokid. So you know,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: my money is basically my own god unfortunate and privilege
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: that I don't need to provide for my parents and
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: neither do they need to provide for me. So in
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: terms of financially, I am able to plan my life
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: in a way where what I may goes into there
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: is a savings account, there is some investments, and the
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: rest of it is showing up today. This is a huge,
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: again a mental shift that I had when I meet
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: the career a bit that I'm like, I don't know
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: what tomorrow is going to bring, which is not to
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: say that I'm going to blow up all my money
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: or I'm going to live like there is no tomorrow. Yes,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: I do consider tomorrow, but I'm not considering the next
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: five years, not even the next two years, because nobody
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: has the visibility of a future that far away, and
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I don't want to get caught up in that need
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: to like plan for that questionable future. So I think
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: just the kind of financial independence I have and the
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: kind of even in terms of responsibilities. I have had
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: a rough couple of years with having to show up
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: for my parents, which I'm very willingly done put my
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: life on pause as much as I could, and you know,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: to be there for them because they're aging. But apart
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: from that, at least, I'm like the rest of this
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: is for me, and I choose to I can choose
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: to live it. Considering myself, a few friends and family,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: and that's it because I feel like with a partnership,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: the responsibilities or the you know, expectations can change. And
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: it's been very liberating to not have to consider that,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: which is not to say that we're selfish for being
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: that way. It's just the bonus of not having this
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: partner right now. Will I alter my life when they
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: come in, Yes, I'll have to, so will they. We're
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: all going to have to, like see how this new
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: unit works. But not having this unit to consider is
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: so liberating. It's so it's just it's free. I can
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: put myself first. I can decide tomorrow to book a
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: flight and go somewhere, or I can decide tomorrow to
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: not take up a project because I only have to
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: consider my own expenses and my own finances and my
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: own life you know where are It's all about me,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: which is very liberating. And even now when I say it,
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm finding myself having to keep explaining that it's
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: not selfish. That's okay. I told that. Oh my god, Like,
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: you're so selfish if you're only thinking about yourself. No,
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: But why it is liberating is because I've put so
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: many others in front of me. For so long, especially
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: the conditioning of it, and even in my twenties that
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: now not having to do that is, oh my, I
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: can't explain how freeing it feels.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: And yeah, but it is unfortunate, right, we have to
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: really like over explain and justify, like, you know, like
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: choosing oneself shouldn't be selfish, it should be fundamental. But
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: for women it almost feels like your identity is sacrificed,
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: like you must always put others first. So you hats
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: after you for navigetting that personally. I've found also that
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: my twenties is you know, the fact that I'm not
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: married and have looked after myself and things like that
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: have made me overcome many fears that I think society
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: projects on women. You're supposed to fear a lot of
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: even I mean, many people will not go on a
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: solo trip women, particularly from a fear of their safety.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: And I recognize it's a legitimate fear in a patriarchal
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: society where violence against women is unfortunately still very prevalent.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: But I think there's also if you can, you know,
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: if you are able to mitigate safety concerns, there's still
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: like a psychological fear where people are holding themselves back
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: because they aren't encouraged to think that they're capable. Women
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: aren't encouraged to think that they can go do things
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: on their own, and it's going to turn out well,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you know, did you have to overcome certain fears? Do
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: you have any tips for women who may be curious
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: about solo travel but haven't sort of gathered the courage.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. And I'll actually first start off with this thing
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: where you spoke about where why or to think we
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: we always need someone to fill in a role, to
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: take care of us, to take care of this and that.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: So in that sort of point where love and relationships
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: and the need for partnership and being alone, what I've
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: learned is that now I will want a partner, not
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: because I need them. I am perfectly I've discovered that
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my life in
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: every aspect, financially, emotionally, planning my future, planning my present,
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: taking care of loved ones. I am in control and
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I don't need a man. If I now want a partner,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: it's because I want them, And I think that is
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: also a great growth for me. I see it as
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: growth because then I'm going to meet this person as
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: an equal, and its not going to be this sort
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: of like power play. They're not going to have to
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: come in to take care of me. And I think
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: men again, it's where they've been conditioned. They see it
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: as a threat maybe or it's intimidating to them now
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: that a woman doesn't need me. Oh my god, then
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I'm not the provider anymore. What is my place? I've
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: dealt with all of this a little bit, and I
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: will get to that, like now dating as who I
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: am today. But tips for solo travel I had to concourse. Yes,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: my first fear that I had to fight was the
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: fact that I had a fixed salary. I knew my
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: even if I didn't show up to work or I
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: had no work that day, I had to sit on
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: my laptop and watch Game of Thrones. This is eight
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: years ago. In office, I was still getting paid that
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: day versus as a freelancer now, of course I have
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: to be really like, I have to be sure that
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: my paycheck is coming or securing that next paycheck. So
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: that fear of taking the plunge was a big part
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: of it. And as a solo traveler, of course you're
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: in a country where unfortunately we're seeing these headlines and
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: it's not just India, even the United States of America.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Safety a country is only safe until the next headline
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: negates that sense of safety, right, Because I hear this
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: lot that're like, what do you mean India's un safe?
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: What about this place? What about that safe? I'm like, yes,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: I have felt very safe, and goa doesn't mean go
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: as safe. Your story is not the story. So I
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: think as a solo traveler, I had immense fear to
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: like travel solo. As a woman who also is I'm
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: very social. I'm not going to hold back and go
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: and not talk to someone or operate from a place
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: of like just skepticism all the time. So I think
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: I had to really learn how to and you know
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: the whole like victim shaming right where someone's going to
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: be like, oh this happened to her because she's so
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: like you know, she goes and says hello to just anyone,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: or she goes and you know, gets something, takes a
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: road trip with just anyone. So I think learning all
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: of that took time. But my tip would be to
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: start small. I didn't go and sign up for a
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: solo trip like in Mexico or something. I started and humpy.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: It was an overnight bus trip. I was like, if
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: I hate it, I can hop onto the next bus
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: and come back. So I had an exit and exit strategies.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: In the beginning.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: Just sort out your exit strategy when you're traveling solow,
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: keep it small, do a weekend away. You don't have
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: to like climb Mount Everest straight out. Climb a hill
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: in your neighborhood, and then you learn how to you know,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: get it's it's it's kind of like how fitness and
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: everything else works. Just build it up. Don't sign up
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: for the ultimate trip. Sign up for a very small
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: trip because that sense of achievement that unlocks the next level.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: So I think my tip is just to start small
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: and start. You may hate it. Solo trip traveling is
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: not for everyone, and that's okay because suddenly it's become
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: a very cool thing travel. So I am friends who
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: are excellent travelers, but solo traveled and cut it for them,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: and that's okay. It's not something you have to do totally.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I guess there's only one way to find out, right,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Go climb the hill in your neighborhood. For starters, now.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: But I love that you said. I love that you
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: said start small. I think people often think if it's
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: an epic solo trip to some very far off place,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: but you can literally start with the weekend and if
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: it's not something you enjoy and I have to do
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: it again, I love that. So we're going to take
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: a little detour now and play a little game called
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: no overthinking. Where I'm going to No, it's going to
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: be easy, peasy, I promise. We're going to give you
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: some sentences with a blanke at the end that you've
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: got to fill without overthinking. It's really super simple, just
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: going to start. Okay. The most fun thing about being
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: single is the freedom.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: So how freeing it is.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: The most non fun thing about being single is no.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: One's scarying my bags?
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: D literally.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah you know. Yeah.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: The best compliment you received from a stranger on a
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: trip is.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: I love the color of your skin.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: Interesting. I'm going to talk to you about that in
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: a second. Travel makes you picky in men because because you.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: See some great types of men that you may not
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: see in your immediate like just men who've done the
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: work I've seen. I find that I find them more
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: in my travels than in on a dating app, and
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: so the standards rise.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, I want to talk about that too.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: The funniest family comment about your single.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Life settle down cub hoogie the most ciche one, but
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: unfortunately it's the most frequent one.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Like why don't you the.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Part Why don't you travel with a partner? It'd be
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: even more fun. You've decided that it'll be more fun.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if your backpack could talk, what would it say? Mmm?
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Miles to go before I sleep. We've done some great
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: miles so far. But we can go more.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: We can go for the Yeah, I love that. The
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: first thing I noticed about a fellow traveler.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Is mm hmmm, just the depth that they show up with. Honestly,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: I don't care about the places they've been to, or
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: like the checklists that they've ticked off. Like I said,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: I'm driven by conversations and I'll call out Colt of
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: fah for very soon that I'm not interested.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the sexiest man live in oh I.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, this is Australia, but I've also heard Brazil. I
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: haven't tested that yet. Yeah.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: The weirdest place I've flirted with someone.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Is the weirdest place.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: I guess it's not weird.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, not weird, but unorthodox, I guess, yeah, or
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: not unusual Yeah yeah, unusual.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If I were a city, i'd.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Be I'd be Cape down. Oh and this's gotta be
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: thing yeah that I want.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I'm having a good trip.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: When when I'm not stressing the small stuff, like not
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: sweating over the small stuff, and I'm literally just giving in.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: The thing I slurge on when I travel is.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Souvenirs like handicrafts from that place for back home, so
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: that I literally have a favorite memory. Yeah. I just
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: got this like black and white negative photograph taken by
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: a man in Afghanistan who still uses like a box
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: wooden box camera gigantic pinhole camera, and it's a It's honestly,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: it's not the best photo, Like my hair is a
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: bit off and I'm like a little too serious, but
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: just what it represents, it's one of my favorites. And
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: the other is a is the tooth of a tiger
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: shark from mol Leaves. Yeah.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, I saw the read about the box camera
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: in Afghanistan. So Beautifulah Okay, so let's talk about now
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: how travel has really your standards and in general, I
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: mean I think you know, growth as a person and
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: being so self sufficient of course raises your standards because
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: you no longer need a partner. As you were saying, right,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: you want to be able to choose to be with
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: that person rather than being dependent on that. So what
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: for you are the qualities of an ideal partner? If
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: you're a stamp, the passport you get you get admitted
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: into the world of Sharania, Where do you think that?
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: What would the criteria for Viza be?
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: You know, I've thought a lot about this. I'm like,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: is it about how much a partner me? Is it
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: how about what kind of values you think they should have?
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: See Fundamentally, I think, especially in my thirties, of course,
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: there has to be a certain coming together of expectations
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: from our future. The big conversations on do you want
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: a child? Do you want a child? If these core
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: expectations are different, I would say then that I don't
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: want to sit back and be like I've changed his mind,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: or he's going to sit back and say she's going
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: to change her mind. I think these these conversations are fundamental.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: But I realized what I want from a partner, leave
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: us side the fact, sense of humor, blah blah blah.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I think even if some of those checklists are not met,
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: it's okay. You can't engineer the perfect version of this
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: person who looks a certain way, who behaves a certain way,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: who then you might as well find a robot and
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: program that person, right. But what I've realized is I
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: want a person who is able to communicate and firstly
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: handle conflict. I don't want someone who's a conflict evado,
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: because I've been in situations like that, even in friendships,
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: and I feel like then that just that's just going
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: to end the relationship or it's going to take it
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: to a very toxic place because one person is okay
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: to talk about things and the other person just wants
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: to smooth over until they reach a point where they're
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: going to erupt. And you know that polkay is not
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: going to be pretty. So I've I've realized that it's
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: not values, but it's certain it's the way they show
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: up in certain situations which every relationship is going to
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: get into. One is conflict, Second is just clarity in communication.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: I want to know where I am in, what place
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: do I have in your life. I will tell you
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: as well, because I feel like there's a lot of games,
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: and there's a lot of like not being able to
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: or not wanting to say what you want to say,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: especially in the early stages of dating, which I think
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: men more so, if I may say so, struggle with
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: or choose not to do. Like I give you an analogy. Okay,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I've put this down. I've had this conversation with a
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: group of friends. I'm like, dating feels like online shopping. Now.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: It's like you're just adding to KRT and you're leaving
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: a bunch of items people in the cart, and then
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: you're continuing shopping and finding the filters that you want.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: But then you're not going and making the purchase. You're
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: not sealing the deal, which is that I will let
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: go of all of these others and pursue at least
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: this for a violence Goes versus Cartmira Crew, Swipe carew Jaro.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: So I feel like I want someone who is not
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: in that space anymore. I want someone who is ready
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: to get into that relationship and not continue continuously being
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: in the finding stage or in the there's someone better,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: there's someone better. So clarity, I feel like, I function
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: better with clarity and communication, So I want someone who
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: is able to be vulnerable and speak without feeling that
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: they're being weak if they're showing up with depth. I
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: just want someone who is able to communicate without fearing
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: weakness or being it seen as not much so enough
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: of being emasculated in the process. And I think those
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: those are like now my core expectations from a man.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and how do you mean people? I agree that
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: the dating apps can be kind of exhausting and just
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: take a lot of time and not always amount too much.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: But given how much you travel, do you think like
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: when when I was on a dating app, I put
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: five kilometer radius as the deal breaker because I was like,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: when am I going to see this person otherwise? So
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just curious how you navigate the logistics of this.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Are you open to dating people from all over the
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: world or is it hard for you because you're always
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: in a new place and not really in any one
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: place but long chunks of time. How do you meet
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: people and how what do you aspire for in terms
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: of like where this person should be based.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I really not be too based because I'm not because
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like that'll be a conflict. If there's a
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: hard base like a this is where I live, this
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: is my setup is I just feel realistically it's and
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: today it's not a high expectation to be to want
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: to meet someone who's a bit more remote, because I
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: think now there are there are, there are options in
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: that space, there are people who work remotely, who are
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: not tied to a desk, because then that will be
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: a problem. While I know that, I also look at
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: slowing down if this person comes into my life. I'm
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: not going to be as flighty is the wrong word,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: but as you know, flying around as I will. I
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: feel like if someone's too rooted, then that's yeah. So
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: I think that is one in fact struggle in my
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: process to find someone. I know examples of people who
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: do what I do. Found people who are able to
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: either travel with them or choose when they can or cannot.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: But yeah, dating apps have been difficult. I'll tell you why.
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: One is. Okay, the logistics of it. When are we
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: going to catch up, when are we going to meet?
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: How often are we going to be able to do it?
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: But also I used to hide what I do in
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: the first few days. I used to be like, let
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: me not tell this person what I do. They get
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: to see my life a lot more than I get
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: to see this That unfair. Or then I used to
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: think that maybe they'll judge what I do, because content
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: creators are judged, and people are going to think of
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: me a certain way just because of what I do.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: But then over time I've realized that I can't hide
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: who I am. I can't show up as a lesser
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: version of myself because I'm scared that this person will
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: reject me. I need to show up exactly as who
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: I am. And that's that itself was a great filtering process.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: If this person cannot be okay with what I do,
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: then what am I doing? Like? Why am I showing
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: up as a different version of myself? So it's been
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: it's been a journey on dating apps. Nothing major has
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: come out of it, something interesting has come out of it,
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: but it's it's been hard. The best sort of memorable
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: people I've met have actually just been organically, like on
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: the road while traveling. But then again that brings in
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: the angle of the fact that it's fleeting. How do
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: you build on it? Is it possible? So yeah, it's
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: it's been a bit of both through friends, dating apps,
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: and just organically.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and when traveling, when you when you meet people
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: traveling alone as a woman, are you having to is
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: there like do you get more unsolicited male attention than
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: you'd like or do you think your experiences have reflected
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: the travelers are respectful and you know you only get
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: the attention that you want to reciprocate. Like, I've had
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: mixed experiences traveling so a lot, but you've traveled way
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: more than I do, So I'm curious what the general
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: experience has been since you've been to so many countries.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Is it different from place to place or would you
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: have some generalizations you can make about how men behave.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: So some generalizations I think earlier when I was on backpacker,
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: I was I was doing the budget traveling. I was
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: in hostels, so there's a lot of hormones flying around you.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: There was unsolicited you know, like advances meet because sometimes
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: when you're in a situation like that, when you're kind
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: of doing the broke backpacking scene, you're in hostels, there's
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of I feel with age and with the
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: kind of travel I do, it's it's not as blatant
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: and it's not as uncomfortable and more because I am
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: staying in a different sort of space I'm meeting people
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: in because now I'm booking, either I'm booking a guide
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: or if I'm even alone, I'm not showing up with
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like now I come across as someone who's
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: seen more of the world because I and I meet
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: people like that as well. So I think it's it's
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: in my twenties when I was traveling, there was a
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: lot more of that, Oh maybe this one just wants
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: to get late, or you know, you're just you'll have
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: a good time, So you get more of that because
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: you're you're doing your par hopping in a hostel. It
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: just gives us separate connotation to why this person is
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: here versus now, I'm doing a lot more slow travel.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: I'm doing a lot I stay in a place longer,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: so then I'll meet this community built co working spaces.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: It's a different kind of mindset there. So it's not
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: as creepy or as like unsolicited. It's more it's mature.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: It's like I won't I will try, I will try,
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: but it's more intentional.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Exactly. I remember earlier this year you'd posted in Instagram
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: on Instagram about being in the Maldives and how some
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: couple approached to you being like how could you be
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: here alone or something. I've actually been to the Maldives
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: alone for work as well and really enjoyed it. Tell
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: me a little bit about that, Like what about reactions
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: to you being you know, sometimes in a very romantic destination,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: do you sometimes miss Avanna or have What was what
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: happened in the Maldives for people who don't know, I
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: thought that was quite an interesting moment.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think the Maldives has historically been tagged
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: as a honeymoon destination, and this is mainly how they
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: promoted their own country and how everyone else began doing
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: it because it used to be one of those like
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: mega expensive trips that you can only justify doing, you know,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: marriage budget, midle the honeymoon budget versus. The country then
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: opened up its local islands to people as late as
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: in the early two thousands, so that's when, and even
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: today very few people know if it because those local
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: islands there's no alcoholics in Islamic countries, so those local
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: islands are where the local Maldivians live. So you're gonna
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: hear Azan in the morning, you're going to be not
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: be able to wear a bikini on the island, and
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: there are rules. There is a designated bikini beach, So
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: it doesn't call out to the usual island crowd. It's
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: only it only calls out to people who actually don't
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: really care about the island. They're just there for the water,
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: and they get to do it at one third the price,
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: So it calls out to diverse SnO collars, and so
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: the association with being a honeymoon destination is still so
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: strong that to see someone alone, I guess must have
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: really picked off this guy. So it was a couple
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: that I met and a local island, and I'm enjoying
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: the sunset at the beach and I think I was
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: on a video call with someone and then I hung
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: up and this couple was sitting next to me, and
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: the guy starts charing me up, and they seem really
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: nice at that point. So I've also opened up because
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: I don't hold back, you know, asking them where they're from.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: They've been married for like, I believe I think four
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: or five years. And then he's like, oh, so, who
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: are you here with, and I said nobody. I've come
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: alone I'm here to dive, and then he couldn't get
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: over the fact that I was there alone in such
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: a beautiful destination. And then he says, you're lonely right like,
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: look at the sunset. Aren't you missing? Like basically, he
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: wanted me to say what he wanted me to say,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: and any other answer felt like a lie or just
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: felt like I'm kidding myself. So he was like, you
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: can't possibly be happy right now. You can't possibly be
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: like okay with this. You have to be missing someone.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you're already making plans to come back with someone.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: And it got a bit then it got a bit
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: like uncomfortable, and the woman was quiet. She wasn't She
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: tried to stop him a couple of times, and I
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: think eventually she was like asking him to leave, and
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: when he didn't listen, I left the chat. I was like,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I'm going to leave because who am I to sit
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: and convince this guy don't take this responsibility of, you know,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: changing the narrative. I was like, I'll leave. This is
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: ruined killing my vibe. I was happy so far. You
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: ruined the sunset for me. Let me go. I leave.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: The next morning, I'm off and these local islands have
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: like one jetty that's where all the boats depart from,
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: coming from where my dive boat was leaving from. So
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: I'm there, go on a dive boat and I see
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: this woman. I've the very like terminal where you know,
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: you either take boats to go to the next island
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: or back to the capital. And she smiles at me.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: So I smile at hers. She's not the villain. I'll
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: just say hi, and she's like with her. She has
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: a backpack on, so I still assume she's going snuggling
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: or something. So I said, oh, Hi, what's the plan
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: for today? And she opens up and she says, I'm leaving.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: I'm going back to Mali. I'm so sorry, and she
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: apologizes profusely. I said, you don't have to apologize. Why
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: are you apologizing? She said, we are a huge fight
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: over this, and you know, and like I said, that's
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: when I was like, people think having a partner is
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: it like that's the final destiny. But she was unhappy.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: They were fighting. Looks like they weren't enjoying that I'm
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: on the island and I was, and he couldn't handle it.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: So I was just like, there's so many like so much,
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: so much like so many layers. And she said, I
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: can't leave the country because I have a flight two
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: or three days later. I'm just going to go back
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: to the capital. Tell me what to do because I
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: told them I've been to Ally so many times. So
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: she's like asking me for tips, and she's like, I'm going.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, you do you. I'm so proud of you.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you will be totally fine in the Maldius alone.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Do I view about it? I gave her tips, I
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: told her where to go, which hotel, which provido to
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: book and she had to leave on the ferry and
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: she left. So I was just like.
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: This is wow. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting when you're traveling
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: solo and you get to observe other people because during
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: daily life you don't. You're doing your thing and you're
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: not able to observe, spend as much time observing. But
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I always is so like white lotus, like sometimes you
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: know where you can like observe, especially other couples, and
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: so often it all is not what it seems on
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: this right. Have you ever encountered people on your travels,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and particularly you know couples where you've thought like, oh,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: that is just beautiful. That's what I want. Oh, oh
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: my goodness, thank god I'm a single.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the thank god moment has happened once or twice.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: But I think social media self, forget traveling on social media,
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: felt this so many times. This is the eighth couple,
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: especially when I see people are kind of doing this
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: in the space where I am and I'm like, wow,
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: they have a partner who also loves doing this. This
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: is ideal. I felt that. Obviously I have seen or
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: even fictionally, I've seen examples like that, but it hasn't.
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: It's just that I know that even in my own
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: personal life, I've seen great examples of marriages and partnerships
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: that have been going really well, and I've seen the
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: absolute worst of it. So I just feel that I'm
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: happy where I am, and if something's not happening for me,
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm actually being protected from something like this. You know,
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: when someone says you're unlucky in love, I'm like, no,
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: change that word. Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe I'm actually being
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: protected from something. That's how I like to look at it.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: I'm you know, my dad sometimes will be like he's great,
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: he doesn't bring up marriage. But he's like, you become
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: too negative. You think that if you get married or
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: you are divorced. I'm like, no, that's not what I'm saying.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: But this is maybe it's a coping mechanism, or maybe
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: it's just how I want to look at life. If
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: it's not happening for me right now, maybe I'm being
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: protected from something really bad. And if it's going to
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: happen for me, may it happen in the best possible
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: way or not at all.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, I like to feel. I like to wake
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: up feeling lucky, and we work. I mean, the lives,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: the life you lead, You're lucky, dude. It's like whenever
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: someone says when someone tries to use singlehood as a
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: as an indication of not being because I'm like, yeah, kiddy, anyway, Okay,
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: so one more game. It's called red Flag Green Flag
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: and this is the perfect travel partner edition. Okay, so
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going to if you some some situations and you
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: tell me whether this would be a red flag or
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: a green flag in a potential partner. So great chemistry,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: But he dismisses your career as a phase.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Red flag Red flag Deep Deep insists on.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Arriving at the airport four hours early.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: Not a red flag, just something to be worked on.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: But I mean, my dad is like that, So it's okay.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: This is not a red flag, it's a It's okay,
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: we'll work through it.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, claps when the plane lands.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, just ikey. Red flag. Not not a
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: fundamental red flag, but iki.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, never leaves your side when you're traveling together.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: Red flag, because then that comes from a space of control.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: No red flag.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: Brings his own pillow to every hotel.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: Cute green flag. It's okay, we'll allow it.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Plans every trip on a spreadsheet.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: Green flag. Please do it for me, because I have
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: no template and I sometimes think I need someone who
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: has a network in a system in place. Green flag.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: He's afraid of the ocean.
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is one of those. He's a ten.
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: But he doesn't like the ocean. Then he's a he's
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: a five. Annanig but yeah, okay, last one. He doesn't
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: tip waiters. Red flag absolute like neon red flag, big
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: red flag. Yeah yeah, neon red flag.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, Oh my gosh. Okay, so let's speak about that.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: On the topic of tipping waiters, we talked about how
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: financial independence has been such a lever for you in
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: terms of just living the life you want. And I
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: really like also that you're transparent about how much trips
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: cost you. I remember, like seeing maybe last year or something,
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: how you shared like you'd spend fifty lacks on travel.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: Got a lot of comments from yess who men, Yeah.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean, I'm sure you also had work,
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: Like there must have also been people who are really
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: happy to hear the transparency. Is so proud of you, man,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: like it has after you for being able to afford
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: the life you want and the travel you want. Right, So,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: how do you think financial freedom has impacted how others
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: expectations can can affect you? Like I think for me
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: at least, it's actually provided a shield, like you're not
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: paying my bills, buddy, so your opinion really doesn't matter.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: But also like, how has it impacted your expectations of
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: a potential partner.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: I want this person to have done the work to
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: not see this as something that emasculates them. You know,
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: men are like, oh my god, she is making more
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: than me. If that's going to bother you, don't come
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: into the game at all, because it doesn't bother me,
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: and if it bothers you, it's going to become a
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: big deal over time. I don't want to make any
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: excuses for how much I'm making, and I don't expect
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: you to make as much or more than I do.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: But this can't become your insecurity and that's not something
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: you can project onto me. So if you haven't done
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: that work of deconditioning your mind from this narrative that
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: a woman must not make more or what that can imply,
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: then that she's not going to respect you. These are
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: labels that you have put and they have nothing to
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: do with me. So yeah, I feel like my expectations
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: are that now, and I have to be sure that
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: this person truly does not get intimidated or put off
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: by the fact that I make more than him, or
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: that I make as much as him. So yeah, I
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: think fundamentally the fact that you are going to be
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: threatened by my financial independence. If that's the case, then
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: it's not going to work because I don't want to
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: make any apology and how much of course.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And on the subject of skin color, since you
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: brought it up in one of the rapid fire things.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: When traveling is an Indian woman others. Have you had
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: experiences in certain countries where you've where it's become more
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: of a more of an aspect of your identity than
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: you intend for it too, Like have you experienced sometimes
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: I've experienced racism but as a compliment, like you know,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: exotic brown girl or something. And then other times people
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: just underestimate, like the level at which India is at
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: and think you're still going to school on an elephant
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: or something, you know, and.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: Still what are your experiences good English speaking of what
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: what have your experiences been like in that regard, And
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: then all those others like love India or they kind
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: of you know, just excited to meet somebody from India.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: I'm curious about the good, the bad, and the ugly
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: in terms of just how India's seen around the world
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: as well as how they've treated you.
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: So the good, I'll start with that. I grew up
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: in Mumbai, but then my high schooling up until my
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: twelfth was in Chennai. So as a South Indian, dark
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: skinned girl, I faced a lot of racism in Chennai
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: back then. I don't think I had a word for it.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: It was just that. So it's not even that they're
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: targeting it at you, but he'll come up in conversations.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: Oh you know, I went for this wedding and this
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: guy got married to the girl she was a bit darker,
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: or like, you know, don't wear yellow because it makes
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: you look darker, or I used to use there and lovely.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed. But it's been a journey. I was when
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: I was ten twelve years old, I felt that I
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: was too dark because it came up so often. So initially,
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: when I started traveling and people started complimenting me for
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: the color of my skin, it gave me a lot
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: of confidence and I didn't look into the layers of
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: it where I'm like, is this also racism? It just
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: gave me a lot of confidence to feel myself in
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: my skin. And I was like, look, why are Indians
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: being so racist to me with my skin color when
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: it's actually so it's it's actually something that people compliment
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: me to my face on. So it started off as that.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Then of course, now over time I've also started questioning
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: this whole like wait, why is it exotic? Or why
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: is it what does that mean? But majorly the good
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: has just been that it's given me confidence to wear
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: what I want to wear, and I talk a lot
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: about it now and I know that my audience connects
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: with it. They're like, oh my god, you know, thank
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: you for speaking up about this, because it's sometimes difficult
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: to be a certain color in your own country, right
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: and people put you down for it, or there are
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: so many and thoughts, not real cues. Sometimes it's not
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: even on your face, but it stays. It remains. The
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: bad is all of this stuff that I find myself defending.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not like patriotic in every conversation where
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: I feel the need to defend my country. But yeah,
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: when it's like I've had I've got into arguments where
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: I've had a British British aw come up to me
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: and be like, your English is really good, and I
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: was like, really, coming from you, y'all are the reason
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: why my English is so good. But you know, it's
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: just I feel like it's more about them than about me.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: They're not aware, so I don't make it about me
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: or like personally get into that zone now. But I
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: used to get all defensive in the beginning. So the bad,
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: I think it's just that they still think that we
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: are not uh, language, be it language, be it exposure
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: to Oh you watch friends, Oh you watch you watch
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: that show? And I'm like, yeah, we watch the same
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: shows we listen to. They'd be impressed sometimes that I
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: know is particular music artist or a song by an artist,
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, now that's just about them. I can't
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: sit and educate everyone. I'll try, but I can't sit
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: and make every conversation about nobody India's this and nobody
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: India's that. And I The other bad thing is, yes,
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: I do meet people who are still the fence about
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: they would have gone to Africa, they would have gone
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: to West Africa, challenging countries like that, but they'll still
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: think twice about coming to India, especially women, And I
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: get it. While I can tell them no, please come,
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: there is a side of me that also knows that
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: there have been too many instances where foreign women have
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: fallen into really, really bad places here. So I try
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: to give them the good and the bad, and then
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: ultimately it's their journey.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for sharing that. Okay, So as we wrap
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: and thank you for being so candid and so open
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: and we loved this conversation. We do have one more
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: little game called Passport to Love, and we wrap with
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: that one. But before we do that, I wanted to
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: just also since this episode is exploring what it means
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: to be you know, Indian women in our thirty is single.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: Another big thing that many I don't know if you
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: and I have these pressures. I'm lucky not to, but many,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: many women in their thirties do have this subliminal fact
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: of like the biological clock taking, especially if they want kids.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: And then most people's relatives and moms and grandmoms and whatever,
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: like you know, the voice in your ear my mom
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: even I get a little bit of that from my family,
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: like my mom's like, don't even get married? Who Okay,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: I don't. It's yeah, I think it's a little over it.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: But it's just me. But when when you stand on
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: this and do you ever think about freezing your egg? Though,
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know, those are the types of conversations I'm
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: often having. So I'm just curious where you.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: See the egg freezing conversation is a big part of
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: my life currently. In the last year two years, I've
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: had friends who've done it. I've had conversations with a
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: friend of mine's like be my accountability partner, let's do
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: it together. And then in my so I have I've
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: always had a big maternal instinct. I love kids, I
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: love spending time with them changing diapers. I've done that
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: for my friends kids. So I all always used to
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: be so sure that I want a child, and even
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: the whole like off my own angle where I want
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: to go through the journey of pregnancy and all of
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: that too, where now I'm a bit critical about this
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: in terms of where the world is and you know,
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: the whole conversation or what kind of world am I
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: going to bring my child into in the next twenty
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: years global war. So now I'm in a very confused
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: headspace where I'm not so sure. I'm not sure that
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: I don't want a child, but now I'm not so
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: sure that I want a child. And then that's part
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: of me that is already feeling like I don't want
• 57:32
  Speaker 2: to put my body through egg freezing and all of
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: this for a maybe I might want a child in
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: the future. I'm currently at a space where if I want
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: a child in the future, all adopt. So my mother
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: doesn't talk to me too much about this, But friends
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: of mine a warried or you know are like, we're
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: all going navigating that space where okay, maybe there's not
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: going to be a man, but then how do we
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: bring this person in. We'll need to safeguard will It's
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: it's like insurance, Let's just do it now. So I
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: did consider freezing my eggs. I'm still maybe confused. Do
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: I want to do it? Do I not? But I
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm wearing towards blue.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. I have the same thought that if
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: I if I've changed my mind, although it's highly unlikely,
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: why not adopt. I also personally think that, like, I
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: don't want to be a very very old parent. I
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: want to do it. If I'm going to do it
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: as you do it now, I don't want to be
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: too like I think you owe it to your kids
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: to have some energy and be around Exactly.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: It's not about it's not being feeling cool enough with
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: the generation gap. I think that will still bridge in ways,
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: but it's the fact that I don't want to be
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: I don't want my kid to start being a care
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: give when they're twenty.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: It's not fair exactly, I mean, which.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: Is surprisingly the narrative people use with you, right, They're like,
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: who will take care of you when you're sick.
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: Who's going to look after you?
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's no reason for yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah yeah.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: Giving birth to kids to give you foot massages when
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: you're eighty right anyway, But let's play passport to love. Okay,
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: I'm going to give you some quick last three little
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: dating questions with a travel twist. So what's the city
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: or country still on your romantic bucket list that's a
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: place where you would love to fall in love.
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: I've been to Paris with friends and I have felt
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: like it's such a cliche, but I feel the romance
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: in the air there. I want to fall in love.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go to Paris with a part
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: and the igloos of Finland, you know when you're you've
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: seen those pictures that's the northern lights. Like, I don't
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: want to be in this igloo with like by myself
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: or the friend. I want to fall in love there.
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I that I think cold places definitely make
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: me want to cut absolutely love were customs declaration? What
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: are the things you'd always declare at the start as
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: stuff that a partner absolutely cannot bring in their baggage?
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: Oh, don't bring your past trauma to me, do the work.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: We all right, now everyone has baggage, but show me
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: that you worked on it and are aware of it.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: So don't don't bring an unhealed wor or a person
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: who's refusing to heal. Don't bring that in your bag.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: Don't bring Yeah, don't bring the don't bring games to
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: the table. Like I said, cut out the games, Bring honesty,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: bring tell me where you're at. Don't don't bring games
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: to the table. I have no time for that, I
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: think now I'm not in this game to like play games.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you could spend just twenty four hours
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: in one city with a partner, which city would it be?
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: And why?
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: Ooh? I would say keep Down or Sydney and Paris
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: of course. Yeah.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're making me so excited about future travel, Like
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: having this conversation make me makes me think I need
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: to shared you more travel into my life. This was
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: so fun, Sharanya, Thank you so much. I love that
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: you've really thought about things so much, and yet you're
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: also so well willing to go with the flow. Like
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: that's what I really took from this, that even though
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: you figured out so much, you're also open to the
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: fact that sometimes even greater things than you can never imagine,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going to come at you right, and you've got
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: to be open to that.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: And I don't want to change that. Yeah, I don't
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: want to ever be at a place where I feel
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: like I know it all and that's exactly how life
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: should go. I could be wrong, So.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: I love it. I was going to say, what's the
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: one piece of advice you want to leave single Indian
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: women in their thirties with. I feel like you're already
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: for But if you want to recap again what you
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: just said, I think that's a piece of advice.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah. My piece of advice is that you have to
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: put in the work to not let your identity be
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: linked to the presence or absence of love. Both your
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: identity has to come from things that you have built
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: or that you want to build, versus this presence or
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: absence of a relationship. Because if you do that, then
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: your entire locus of control is external and we all
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: know what happens when you externalize your locus of control.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: You are in charge of all of these feelings that
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: you want to feel and only I feel. Only then
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: can you actually make room for a partner who will
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: come and enhance your life versus this whole narrative of
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: this person will complete you. I feel like we need
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: to really unlearn that. Please please learn to be complete
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: on yourself. And it is hard, it's not easy to
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: get there, and it's not something that you can do
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: every day. You will have days when you feel the void,
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: but largely please try and do not that noise and
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: really do the work to feel complete on your own.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: I think that's when you will feel fine even if
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: someone's not there, and when they do come by, you're
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: not putting this burden of like this huge expectation on them. Yeah.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you so much, Sharania. It's been
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: so wonderful having you on Love Matters, and thank you
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: to everyone who's tuned in. If you'd like to write
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: to us, you can do so at Lovematters at DW
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: dot com. We'd love it if you shared this episode
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: with your friends and family, anyone you think might be
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: inspired by Shania's story. You can follow Sharanya at Truly
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: No Madly on Instagram and leave us a comment like share, subscribe,
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: you know the drill till next time. This is me Lisa,
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: Angolas and I believe that love matters.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you,