Latest / Aired Out / Vermont Fatherhood - Josh Miller

Transcript

Vermont Fatherhood - Josh Miller · Aired Out

0:17
Speaker 1: Batt spot depend start spend start spot deep stop step spotting.
1:40
Speaker 2: All right, good morning. We've got some lingering morning flurries.
1:46
Speaker 2: Roads for the most part, seem to be pretty decent.
1:50
Speaker 2: I think it kind of depends on where you are,
1:54
Speaker 2: which is that kind of goes without saying right hearing
1:58
Speaker 2: from odd especially out in the north country. But daytime
2:01
Speaker 2: highs later today around thirty one. I think we're about
2:03
Speaker 2: ten below that right now, about twenty one degrees, so
2:08
Speaker 2: we're gonna warm up a little bit. But man, that
2:12
Speaker 2: cool front, cold front coming in last night, bringing those
2:17
Speaker 2: isolated squalls pretty intense in some areas across the state,
2:22
Speaker 2: and other areas not so much. Looks like tonight overcast, flurries,
2:29
Speaker 2: snowshowers possible. We'll get down around twenty seven and then tomorrow,
2:37
Speaker 2: thirteenth of January, already almost into the middle of the
2:43
Speaker 2: month here. Incredible. We're looking at a mix of sun
2:45
Speaker 2: and clouds in the morning, mostly cloudy by the afternoon
2:49
Speaker 2: and daytime heis tomorrow even milder, around thirty seven degrees. Wow,
2:57
Speaker 2: what a weekend for my family. We were with our
3:05
Speaker 2: family out of state and just had such a wonderful weekend.
3:11
Speaker 2: Eat some great food, had some great laughs, and experienced
3:16
Speaker 2: just some wonderful time together. It was just a great weekend.
3:19
Speaker 2: But man, Monday morning, it's it's tough to come off
3:25
Speaker 2: of a crazy weekend and hit the ground running, but man,
3:28
Speaker 2: we're trying. And the football games, Wow, Rams over the
3:35
Speaker 2: Packers on Saturday, watched that one thirty four to thirty one.
3:40
Speaker 2: Bears took the Packers thirty one to twenty seven, and
3:48
Speaker 2: that was an incredible game. Yesterday forty nine Ers a
3:51
Speaker 2: twenty three to nineteen win over the Eagles. Bills take
3:54
Speaker 2: the Jags twenty seven to twenty four. Wow. And the
3:59
Speaker 2: Patriot it's just destroying the Chargers sixteen to three. Texans
4:05
Speaker 2: and Steelers tonight. My brother's house is just good. I
4:11
Speaker 2: think they they're probably even going to have a seance
4:14
Speaker 2: before the game. It wouldn't surprise me. Good morning to you.
4:19
Speaker 2: I hope you're off to a great start. I hope
4:21
Speaker 2: that you've had a chance to have a cup of coffee.
4:25
Speaker 2: You're feeling positive, you're looking forward to a great work
4:29
Speaker 2: week ahead. It is almost almost impossible to not be
4:36
Speaker 2: positive when I am surrounded by great people like the
4:42
Speaker 2: guy that is on the couch right next to me
4:44
Speaker 2: right now, Josh Miller from My Fatherhood, Good morning, my friend.
4:48
Speaker 2: How the heck are you?
4:49
Speaker 3: Good morning?
4:50
Speaker 4: Doing pretty well this morning? I got my coffee, so
4:52
Speaker 4: I'm rearing to go on Monday morning.
4:53
Speaker 2: I see I've only had one cup. How about you?
4:55
Speaker 2: Are you? What is this? Is this one or two?
4:57
Speaker 3: Number two?
5:01
Speaker 2: Man? It's great to see you, brother. So, like I said,
5:05
Speaker 2: I always feel good when I'm around you. Man, you
5:07
Speaker 2: just exude this positive vibe and you're just a great guy.
5:13
Speaker 2: It has been a real blessing to have met you
5:16
Speaker 2: just a couple of months ago. You're going to be
5:18
Speaker 2: on with me the second second Monday of every month,
5:23
Speaker 2: and we're going to be talking about fatherhood. And I
5:27
Speaker 2: really enjoyed that last conversation that we had. First of all,
5:32
Speaker 2: tell our listeners what Vermont Fatherhood is. You've got an
5:36
Speaker 2: actual location right here on Main Street and Barry sure.
5:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
5:40
Speaker 4: Vermont Fatherhood is a nonprofit organization started about six seven
5:45
Speaker 4: months ago right over here in downtown Berry at one
5:49
Speaker 4: twenty four North Main Street, right above Wabbi Jewelers. And
5:52
Speaker 4: we've got a nice space up there to meet with
5:55
Speaker 4: dads and have kids and do childcare and for.
5:59
Speaker 3: Them meeting in g.
6:01
Speaker 4: And it's really just the mission of my Father's just
6:04
Speaker 4: to really value dads, make sure they know they're important,
6:09
Speaker 4: and support them with all the challenges that come with parenting,
6:12
Speaker 4: and sprinkle a little education so they know a little
6:15
Speaker 4: more and feel a little more confident about themselves as parents.
6:17
Speaker 4: And and then really just building a community for dads
6:20
Speaker 4: to be able to come and you know, meet other
6:22
Speaker 4: dads and hear their stories and and know that, you know,
6:25
Speaker 4: we're not alone out there in the in the long
6:28
Speaker 4: haul of parenting.
6:29
Speaker 3: So yep.
6:31
Speaker 2: And on Tuesdays you have a special gathering for lack
6:38
Speaker 2: of a better term over it from my fatherhood.
6:40
Speaker 3: Yep, yep. We do Tuesday Night Dad's Group.
6:43
Speaker 4: It's drop in so you don't have to call ahead
6:47
Speaker 4: if you got kiddo's and you want to call ahead,
6:48
Speaker 4: and just you know, come check out the space.
6:50
Speaker 3: You're welcome to. But it's five to seven on Tuesdays.
6:52
Speaker 3: We provide dinner, we have childcare.
6:56
Speaker 4: The dad's uh you know, kids come in and settle
6:58
Speaker 4: in and then the dad's meet another room and just
7:01
Speaker 4: talk about various things, how about being a dad, talk
7:04
Speaker 4: about the you know how our week has been, and
7:06
Speaker 4: and checking in and and then we might you know,
7:09
Speaker 4: talk about something like you know, routines or or nutrition
7:13
Speaker 4: or you know what seems to be the theme for us.
7:15
Speaker 4: But just a time to connect with each other. And
7:19
Speaker 4: we got to take our kids with us. So you know,
7:21
Speaker 4: that kind of sometimes can be called mom's night because
7:24
Speaker 4: mom can have a little freedom to hang out.
7:26
Speaker 2: Sure what what kind of reception if he had so
7:31
Speaker 2: far with this?
7:31
Speaker 1: How?
7:32
Speaker 2: How how has this been over the last couple of months,
7:35
Speaker 2: these Tuesday night gatherings because dads can you know, guys,
7:42
Speaker 2: we can get a little weird about stuff.
7:44
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, I do, Yeah, absolutely,
7:47
Speaker 4: And I think it's you know, it's like what's this
7:49
Speaker 4: dad's group thing?
7:50
Speaker 3: Like who's this guy?
7:52
Speaker 1: Like?
7:52
Speaker 4: You just don't you just don't know, right, So you
7:54
Speaker 4: come in and you're like, you know, and and and
7:56
Speaker 4: you know, reveal your soul to a bunch of strangers.
7:59
Speaker 4: I think I think it's been you know, to answer
8:01
Speaker 4: your question, it's been good. We've had we get anywhere
8:04
Speaker 4: from three to six or seven guys, and it's actually
8:07
Speaker 4: a great group size when you have you know.
8:09
Speaker 3: Five or six guys together.
8:11
Speaker 4: It's dynamic and guys from different situations, but also guys
8:14
Speaker 4: with some common situations and and might be single dads,
8:17
Speaker 4: might be dads of you know, daughters or whatever it is.
8:20
Speaker 4: And I think it's just finding those common threads but
8:22
Speaker 4: also be able to you know, get different things from
8:25
Speaker 4: each other.
8:25
Speaker 3: And it's just super low key.
8:27
Speaker 1: You know.
8:27
Speaker 4: We have guys walk in and they just they don't
8:29
Speaker 4: know what to expect, and then you know, you got
8:31
Speaker 4: some food, you got a cup of coffee, and and
8:33
Speaker 4: you get to hang out and just you know, kind
8:35
Speaker 4: of just be yourself.
8:36
Speaker 1: You know.
8:36
Speaker 4: It's it's not a it's not a hard lift and
8:38
Speaker 4: and it's not I don't think it's after the first
8:41
Speaker 4: five minutes, it's not that.
8:42
Speaker 3: It's not you know, it's pretty comfortable.
8:44
Speaker 2: It's not like a therapy session where we're sitting down
8:49
Speaker 2: and only talk thinking about feelings and stuff like that.
8:54
Speaker 2: It's more low key than that. It's casual.
8:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's it just come in and you know,
8:58
Speaker 3: just yeah, yeah it is. It is not therapy.
9:01
Speaker 4: You know, things may come up and if you want
9:03
Speaker 4: to talk about your feelings, I'll buy all means. If
9:05
Speaker 4: you want to talk about, you know, something else that's
9:07
Speaker 4: going on for you. You know, it's it's pretty open.
9:09
Speaker 4: We leave it really open ended. And and uh, and
9:12
Speaker 4: I think guys again feel comfortable pretty quick once they
9:14
Speaker 4: get to know the other guys.
9:16
Speaker 3: And and uh, that's the whole point.
9:19
Speaker 4: And and and you know, other opportunities to to just
9:21
Speaker 4: come in and you know, talk about being a dad,
9:24
Speaker 4: and it's it's pretty easy.
9:25
Speaker 3: I think.
9:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, usually parents as a whole, male, female, doesn't matter.
9:32
Speaker 2: We like to talk about our kids, and we always have.
9:38
Speaker 2: Most of us anyway, have stories to share. Some of
9:42
Speaker 2: them are very funny. I've got a whole whole drawer
9:46
Speaker 2: fall of of funny stories about my kid. I mean
9:48
Speaker 2: it's almost daily something that that she says or does.
9:54
Speaker 2: But also, you know, we can talk about maybe some
9:57
Speaker 2: challenges that we're up against. You know, my little girl's
10:02
Speaker 2: eleven and already, I mean there's parts of her where
10:06
Speaker 2: she's acting like eighteen, nineteen twenty. And I've got other
10:11
Speaker 2: dads who are you know, and I'm I'm I'm kind
10:16
Speaker 2: of kind of an old dad. But I've got friends
10:20
Speaker 2: who are her dads that are saying, bro buckle up,
10:25
Speaker 2: because you ain't seen nothing yet, and I'm like, really,
10:29
Speaker 2: I don't know. Some of this is like I get
10:32
Speaker 2: a little intimidated. What's coming?
10:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, it can.
10:37
Speaker 2: The attitude couldn't get more intense than what it is
10:41
Speaker 2: right now.
10:41
Speaker 4: Josh, yeah, yeah, it's uh what, Well, you have a daughter,
10:46
Speaker 4: and I've got four boys, and I think there's there's
10:49
Speaker 4: edegude that comes.
10:50
Speaker 3: In different ways. And I've got two teenagers.
10:52
Speaker 4: So you know, I'm definitely you know, whether it be
10:55
Speaker 4: the morning or whether it be you know, hey, you
10:58
Speaker 4: got to take out the trash. Hey, you gotta do this,
11:00
Speaker 4: You got to do that. Boy comes you know, where's
11:02
Speaker 4: your home, where's your homework? I mean, it comes, and
11:04
Speaker 4: and uh, you know, what do you do with it?
11:06
Speaker 4: You know you can, you can meet it head on
11:08
Speaker 4: and and uh but I actually gonna get my seven
11:13
Speaker 4: year old. I'm gonna take him out after I got
11:14
Speaker 4: I got to eight o'clock tonight. We're gonna go out
11:16
Speaker 4: and have a little little hard to heart, little man
11:18
Speaker 4: to man about responsibility and and uh but yeah, that's
11:23
Speaker 4: you know, and and and just you know, he's on
11:25
Speaker 4: the verge of adulthood and and uh, we got we
11:27
Speaker 4: gotta have some conversation.
11:28
Speaker 2: Oh, so is it uh? Is it a conversation or
11:33
Speaker 2: is it a lecture?
11:35
Speaker 4: Well, I remember my first son, many many years ago.
11:38
Speaker 4: I remember I learned about lecturing, and I remember going
11:43
Speaker 4: on and literally lecturing for like twenty minutes, and I
11:46
Speaker 4: looked over and he was asleep, and I just realized
11:49
Speaker 4: that that's not the way to do it.
11:50
Speaker 3: It's got to be he's got to be if I want,
11:52
Speaker 3: if I want something to happen, he's got to be
11:53
Speaker 3: a part of the conversation.
11:55
Speaker 4: And and so there's there's gotta be a little bit
11:58
Speaker 4: of lecturing, but it's got to be like, hey, so
12:00
Speaker 4: what are you going to do? You know, got to
12:01
Speaker 4: put it on him as a seventeen year old guy
12:04
Speaker 4: to ante up a little bit in the conversation.
12:07
Speaker 2: Question here, how does fatherhood intersect with being a husband?
12:12
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, wow, god, I know, well I think
12:16
Speaker 4: that I would say early on. You know, when you're
12:19
Speaker 4: when you're together with someone and you know, you start
12:24
Speaker 4: having kids, boy, you start discovering a whole lot about
12:29
Speaker 4: each other. You know, you might come from different backgrounds,
12:32
Speaker 4: you know, you have different expectations.
12:34
Speaker 3: Like you know, whatever, whatever it might be like it
12:36
Speaker 3: is hard.
12:37
Speaker 4: I mean I I made the statement, whether true or
12:39
Speaker 4: not in my head, I say, I say sometimes co
12:42
Speaker 4: parenting is harder than parenting, you know, just having the
12:44
Speaker 4: you know, this is what, this is how we're going
12:46
Speaker 4: to do it.
12:46
Speaker 3: No, this is how we're going to do it.
12:47
Speaker 4: And and the kids are right there here in these
12:49
Speaker 4: different messages, and and uh, I think it's I think
12:52
Speaker 4: it's a lot of work, and it's it's it's also
12:58
Speaker 4: really great to have somebody else by your side to
13:01
Speaker 4: share the load. I mean, it's not just all like, oh,
13:04
Speaker 4: it's just it's not fun, it's hard. It is so
13:07
Speaker 4: great to have someone there to like, you know, share
13:09
Speaker 4: all the things that need to be done, because there
13:11
Speaker 4: are a lot of things that need to be done.
13:13
Speaker 2: I am often catch trying to catch my breath and
13:19
Speaker 2: just take a step back and not be so reactive.
13:23
Speaker 2: At home, A couple of the contentious topics at my
13:30
Speaker 2: house can be screen time and bedtime, but also dinner time.
13:37
Speaker 2: I want to at times put a sledgehammer through the tablet,
13:42
Speaker 2: especially when I was a kid. Again, i'm an old
13:47
Speaker 2: man here, but when I was a kid, you know,
13:49
Speaker 2: mom and Dad would say it's time for dinner one time.
13:56
Speaker 2: So whatever I was doing, I know, I see that
13:59
Speaker 2: look in your face, whatever I was doing, whatever my
14:02
Speaker 2: brother was doing, we stopped and Dad would say, you know,
14:07
Speaker 2: how to respect the mom who's been working hard and
14:11
Speaker 2: trying to get you a nice hot meal. You stop
14:13
Speaker 2: what you're doing, and you and you come to the
14:15
Speaker 2: table right now. I don't want to ask you twice.
14:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I mean I you and I
14:21
Speaker 4: are about the same age. And yes, it was not
14:24
Speaker 4: there was not an option of hey, just two more minutes.
14:28
Speaker 2: You know.
14:28
Speaker 3: It's you. You show up there and you, you know,
14:30
Speaker 3: set the table, whatever you gotta do.
14:31
Speaker 4: And uh, and there's that now. I mean, I you know,
14:34
Speaker 4: we we the battle of technology, and you know it's uh.
14:39
Speaker 2: The battle of distraction.
14:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, distraction, and gosh, they make those things so darn good,
14:44
Speaker 4: so darn fun, you know. I mean, kids do not
14:46
Speaker 4: want to get off them. They're they're hooked, and so
14:49
Speaker 4: you know. But I think it's I think to your
14:50
Speaker 4: point when you were talking about not you know, not
14:52
Speaker 4: reacting and just being I think you know, I would say,
14:55
Speaker 4: and I can't say that I'm a pro at this,
14:57
Speaker 4: but setting good limits, you know, saying hey, this is
14:59
Speaker 4: the time. I'm gonna give you a minute, you know,
15:01
Speaker 4: and then they can, you know, say I'm coming up
15:04
Speaker 4: with it and say like, oh, come to come to
15:05
Speaker 4: dinner when they're in the middle of something, but like say,
15:07
Speaker 4: dinner's ready in two minutes. You need to be here
15:10
Speaker 4: in two minutes, letting the expectation be clear. And then
15:13
Speaker 4: also when your kid doesn't show up at that time,
15:15
Speaker 4: you say, all right, looks like you're on clean up duty.
15:18
Speaker 4: You're not here on time, whatever the thing is, or
15:20
Speaker 4: you're gonna lose five minutes of your you know, whatever
15:22
Speaker 4: the thing is, or it doesn't have to be that way,
15:23
Speaker 4: but you set up the expectation and I think that
15:26
Speaker 4: that's for a parent to be clear about that, and
15:28
Speaker 4: then you don't have to react.
15:29
Speaker 3: It's already set up, you know, and kids need those limits.
15:34
Speaker 3: And it's hard. It's hard as parents.
15:35
Speaker 4: You're busy, you get distracted into your own thing, and
15:38
Speaker 4: but I think being clear about, you know, what the
15:40
Speaker 4: expectations are from the get go is important and hard.
15:45
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about a huge conference
15:49
Speaker 2: that you were just at in New Hampshire, But first
15:54
Speaker 2: I want to ask you what the difference is, in
15:58
Speaker 2: your opinion, between being a good dad and being a
16:02
Speaker 2: good human being.
16:05
Speaker 3: MM.
16:07
Speaker 4: I think they're a little hand in hand. I mean
16:09
Speaker 4: they're they're you know, they both are important. I mean
16:12
Speaker 4: we we're I think being a good human being is
16:16
Speaker 4: being a good human being in and of yourself, not
16:18
Speaker 4: responsible in nessily for another person, but as a dad
16:21
Speaker 4: and as a you know, like my kids are watching
16:25
Speaker 4: what I'm doing.
16:26
Speaker 3: Right, So I'm teaching my kids to drive.
16:28
Speaker 4: One's driving already, ones on the verge and so like
16:32
Speaker 4: they never did before until they got their permit.
16:34
Speaker 3: But boy, are they watching the needle on that spanometer.
16:37
Speaker 4: And so whatever I do, whether it's I'm this is good, Yeah,
16:42
Speaker 4: whatever I do is that you know, they're like, you know,
16:44
Speaker 4: my son said to me the little a few weeks ago,
16:46
Speaker 4: he said, oh, you only gow slower because we're watching you.
16:50
Speaker 4: And I said, yeah, that's right, because I probably be
16:52
Speaker 4: going faster if they weren't in the car. But knowing
16:54
Speaker 4: that they're paying attention, and I didn't. It took me
16:56
Speaker 4: a while to realize they were paying attention that much.
16:58
Speaker 4: Whether put my blinkerroun all that stuff like paying attention
17:01
Speaker 4: and so then that that's the same at home. Right,
17:03
Speaker 4: So if I if I somebody does something I don't
17:06
Speaker 4: like and I yell, they're gonna yell. Maybe it's not
17:09
Speaker 4: at me, but maybe at each other, you know, maybe
17:12
Speaker 4: somewhere else. So they are really paying attention. So the
17:14
Speaker 4: difference is that a good dad is I know that
17:18
Speaker 4: what I'm doing, they are taking mental notes and when
17:21
Speaker 4: I allow myself to do something gives them permission to
17:25
Speaker 4: do that thing, right, And so I really need to
17:28
Speaker 4: pay attention. And I you know, maybe I've gotten better
17:30
Speaker 4: over the years of like, okay, all right, they're in
17:32
Speaker 4: the room, what do I say?
17:33
Speaker 3: How do I say it? It really matters.
17:36
Speaker 4: And you know, as they get older, they really pay attention.
17:40
Speaker 4: But even when they're younger, they are paying attention and
17:43
Speaker 4: they are learning things that we don't even know about ourselves,
17:45
Speaker 4: our tone, our facial expressions. We don't see that they
17:48
Speaker 4: are absolutely paying attention to what we're doing. And so
17:51
Speaker 4: I'd say it's a little more in being a you know,
17:54
Speaker 4: if it's a parent or dad around, you know, being
17:57
Speaker 4: a good dad, good human you know, versus a good
17:59
Speaker 4: human being. I think it's just you are responsible for
18:01
Speaker 4: another human being. Paying attention to what you're doing, and
18:03
Speaker 4: you're teaching them, even when you know that you are.
18:07
Speaker 2: There's so much stuff here unpacking here. Leading by example
18:11
Speaker 2: is something that for many dads can be challenging, especially
18:19
Speaker 2: when you and your partner are around other adults. You're
18:25
Speaker 2: all getting together. In our case, we have one child,
18:32
Speaker 2: and our child is there amongst us and observing and
18:38
Speaker 2: listening and watching mom and dad goof off a little
18:45
Speaker 2: bit around our other friends, and we can forget that
18:52
Speaker 2: our kid is watching, is listening, is observing. Even if
18:58
Speaker 2: they're in another room with the tablet on, having a
19:02
Speaker 2: chat with one of their friends, They're still listening. And
19:09
Speaker 2: this is something I'm really guilty of. I get caught
19:13
Speaker 2: up in the moment and I forget. We've talked. You
19:18
Speaker 2: and I've talked about leading by example. You and I
19:21
Speaker 2: have also talked about language and just trying to be
19:31
Speaker 2: cognitizant of what's coming out of your mouth when you're
19:36
Speaker 2: around your kids. That is not easy to do for
19:39
Speaker 2: some of us.
19:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
19:42
Speaker 4: I think it is hard, and I think there's times
19:44
Speaker 4: that you just want to let down and not you know,
19:46
Speaker 4: always be you know, oh gosh, I've got to watch
19:47
Speaker 4: every single thing that I say all the time, sort
19:49
Speaker 4: of self monitoring that.
19:50
Speaker 3: But I think that there's a balance.
19:51
Speaker 4: Of you know, yep, I might do that, I might
19:53
Speaker 4: like I might like go a little bit, and a
19:56
Speaker 4: lot of the time I'm also you know, I'm on point.
19:59
Speaker 4: I'm you know, I'm making sure that I'm watching what
20:00
Speaker 4: I'm saying. I'm doing, you know, doing you know, modeling
20:03
Speaker 4: the things that I want my kid to be to
20:05
Speaker 4: be doing. And we actually had a conversation in one
20:07
Speaker 4: of our groups about I was like, what is it
20:09
Speaker 4: you want?
20:10
Speaker 3: What are the things you want your kids to exude?
20:12
Speaker 3: You know, what are the things the behaviors you want them?
20:14
Speaker 4: So we had this whole list and you know, the
20:16
Speaker 4: guys had a great list. It's like the rattling off
20:18
Speaker 4: all these things, and I said, what is it you
20:21
Speaker 4: need to be doing to make sure that they are
20:23
Speaker 4: learning those things? And we went from anywhere from just
20:26
Speaker 4: like you know, being respectful to being on time, and
20:29
Speaker 4: we just use some examples around that, and I think
20:32
Speaker 4: there's you know, yeah, being I think there's an awareness
20:34
Speaker 4: self awareness of it that it's not all the time,
20:37
Speaker 4: but we can you know, not worry about that stuff
20:40
Speaker 4: too much, but being aware of that. But there's a
20:43
Speaker 4: lot of times that we are really like thinking about
20:45
Speaker 4: what we're saying around our kids and what they're taking in.
20:49
Speaker 4: And I'll tell you, at eleven years old, your daughter's
20:51
Speaker 4: taking in a whole bunch of stuff, you know what
20:52
Speaker 4: I mean, Right, She's taken in a lot of stuff
20:55
Speaker 4: about it. My teenagers are taking a lot of stuff
20:58
Speaker 4: of what I do. And you know, I got to
21:00
Speaker 4: just you know, when I'm when I'm loose with the tongue,
21:02
Speaker 4: I just need to be like, Okay, I'm aware that
21:05
Speaker 4: I'm letting that go and I need to tighten that
21:07
Speaker 4: up sometimes.
21:08
Speaker 3: And and it's hard, it's hard.
21:10
Speaker 2: Just how can you how can you say, don't do
21:12
Speaker 2: that if you are doing that, Josh or or or
21:18
Speaker 2: saying that, I mean, because if you do, you're kind
21:23
Speaker 2: of a hip hypocrite.
21:25
Speaker 3: Well, we grew up in time as do as I say,
21:28
Speaker 3: not as I do. Correct, you know, that's the deal, right,
21:31
Speaker 3: And so I think there's a.
21:32
Speaker 4: Little bit of that that's still that still resonates for
21:34
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people, and you know, I
21:37
Speaker 4: think it's it's just, you know, we just we do
21:39
Speaker 4: have to be aware. And I was working with a
21:41
Speaker 4: guy recently around his kids language, and I was like,
21:44
Speaker 4: you know, you know, and I know that he, you
21:47
Speaker 4: know himself, can curse a lot, and I was like,
21:49
Speaker 4: you know, just be aware of that. You know, you
21:51
Speaker 4: can't just have a swear draft for the kids. You know,
21:53
Speaker 4: you got to be aware that what you're saying around them,
21:56
Speaker 4: if it's common all the time, that's just part of
21:59
Speaker 4: their part of their vocabulary. You know. It seems seems
22:02
Speaker 4: fine if pants are doing all the time. But I
22:04
Speaker 4: think we just you know, we have to do our best.
22:06
Speaker 3: We have to check ourselves, like, hey, I'm gonna loose
22:08
Speaker 3: with that. I need to tighten it up.
22:09
Speaker 4: Whether it might be expectations might be language might be
22:11
Speaker 4: content of what's being talked about, if we're talking about
22:14
Speaker 4: other people, like there's all these things, and I think
22:17
Speaker 4: it's you know, we just sometimes thing to take inventory
22:19
Speaker 4: of how we are and check ourselves as best we can,
22:23
Speaker 4: and you know, again, just try our best.
22:25
Speaker 2: This is great advice for moms and dads especially. You know,
22:31
Speaker 2: then we go into a public setting, like you know,
22:36
Speaker 2: the sporting event at the at the school, and now
22:39
Speaker 2: it's not just your kid who's watching your behavior at
22:46
Speaker 2: this sporting event. But it's all the other kids. We're
22:51
Speaker 2: watching Lily's dad and how he's reacting. Is he too loud?
22:56
Speaker 1: Is he not?
22:58
Speaker 2: Is he not cheering? Or is he hearing too much?
23:01
Speaker 1: Or you know? Uh?
23:02
Speaker 2: And and the other parents too that are that are watching.
23:06
Speaker 2: You're think about how you're going to be before you
23:13
Speaker 2: step into that gym.
23:14
Speaker 4: Maybe you know we're social creatures, right, I'm just like,
23:18
Speaker 4: that's just the way we are. We're watching other people.
23:20
Speaker 4: We're seeing what other guys do, what you know, And
23:23
Speaker 4: and I think for guys, especially like, oh, if that
23:25
Speaker 4: guy does that, you know, then I guess it's okay
23:27
Speaker 4: for me to do that too.
23:28
Speaker 2: He screamed at the ref last week? Why can't I
23:32
Speaker 2: scream at the raft?
23:33
Speaker 4: Sure it is, And even as adults like that might
23:37
Speaker 4: as a kid, you do that. As an adult you're like, yeah,
23:40
Speaker 4: like that's what it is. So I talk a lot
23:42
Speaker 4: about how we, you know, men give each other permission
23:47
Speaker 4: to do things, not directly, just sort of it's very
23:52
Speaker 4: like unconscious.
23:54
Speaker 3: But if I'd say, get the ref off the floor,
23:56
Speaker 3: that guy's a jerk.
23:57
Speaker 4: Whatever, Right, I'm letting other parents know that you know,
24:01
Speaker 4: oh I might jump, they might jump on boards. Yeah,
24:03
Speaker 4: you know, like Kee followed my kid, bloody, bloody. I
24:05
Speaker 4: was at a basketball game on Saturday. And just like
24:08
Speaker 4: you know, that's that's the stuff that happens. And we
24:11
Speaker 4: can get permission the other way, you know, and doing
24:13
Speaker 4: things that are great. And so I think that's you know,
24:15
Speaker 4: we realizing that depending on our position, like if you're
24:17
Speaker 4: a coach, you know, if you're a coach or you're
24:20
Speaker 4: you know, in charge of other people, like that stuff
24:23
Speaker 4: really matters, you know, and how we represent ourselves. And
24:27
Speaker 4: it's a lot of pressure sometimes to be always like
24:30
Speaker 4: do I do the right thing all the time? And
24:32
Speaker 4: and but it does matter, It really does.
24:36
Speaker 2: Josh Miller is the head of Vermont Fatherhood, a new
24:40
Speaker 2: organization right here in Berry Well, a couple of months
24:43
Speaker 2: old now half half a year o. Their mission is
24:48
Speaker 2: to value and support and encourage and educate dats. And
24:56
Speaker 2: I'll tell you there's no perfect dad out there. So
25:00
Speaker 2: we all have areas to tighten up and to just
25:03
Speaker 2: to be better dads. Which is a twenty four to
25:09
Speaker 2: seven chop man. It is. It is a at least
25:13
Speaker 2: it should be. The programs and services that you provide
25:19
Speaker 2: are pretty pretty extensive. What did you do in New Hampshire?
25:25
Speaker 2: You went to what a seminar? Right, it was a conference.
25:29
Speaker 4: It was a bunch of sort of doctors and nurses
25:33
Speaker 4: and you know, different levels, different people with a bunch
25:36
Speaker 4: of letters after their name. And it was about, uh,
25:41
Speaker 4: perinatal I think it was perinatal quality improvement. And peri
25:44
Speaker 4: natal is like the the time before the baby's born,
25:47
Speaker 4: in the time after the baby's born. And I've always
25:49
Speaker 4: had this thing about, you know, we need to engage
25:51
Speaker 4: dads early and and so I presented in front of
25:56
Speaker 4: all these something two hundreds some people around, you know,
26:00
Speaker 4: engaging dads, you know, when their partner's pregnant and then
26:07
Speaker 4: during and then after. And I just think that the
26:11
Speaker 4: value of that is so important. With guys feeling more
26:14
Speaker 4: comfortable and confident and engaged and valued, they're gonna be
26:18
Speaker 4: more involved from the get go. And I think that
26:22
Speaker 4: that's just an important thing. And I was actually blown away.
26:24
Speaker 4: So many of them were like, yeah, we don't do that.
26:27
Speaker 4: It was like over two hundred people, like most of
26:30
Speaker 4: most of them like we need to do that, We
26:31
Speaker 4: really need to do that, and and.
26:34
Speaker 3: So I think the message was delivered. For sure.
26:39
Speaker 4: I was getting nervous in front of a lot of people,
26:41
Speaker 4: but I went fairly well. And I think, you know,
26:44
Speaker 4: my hope is that you know, people will do that,
26:46
Speaker 4: even if I don't hear about it, that they see
26:49
Speaker 4: a dad and they say welcome, you know, welcome, come
26:51
Speaker 4: on in, and and hey, how can I help educate
26:54
Speaker 4: that dad around what's going on with their partner when
26:57
Speaker 4: they're pregnant and then what happens when I go home
26:59
Speaker 4: with the baby and when happens.
27:00
Speaker 3: After and how can I get support and really encouraging
27:04
Speaker 3: dads to ask for help.
27:05
Speaker 4: I mean people just you know, we isolate ourselves and
27:07
Speaker 4: how to say I'm not quite sure how to do
27:09
Speaker 4: this dad thing?
27:10
Speaker 3: What can I do?
27:11
Speaker 4: And asking questions and that it's okay, and we tend
27:13
Speaker 4: to tough it out and say we got this. But
27:16
Speaker 4: I think if medical professionals are doing that from the
27:19
Speaker 4: get go, it will have an incredible effect going forward
27:23
Speaker 4: to those those guys being involved and the mothers being
27:27
Speaker 4: supported or the partners being supported. Right, I mean, if
27:30
Speaker 4: you support the guy, you know, the dads, they will
27:35
Speaker 4: be more supportive of their partners and that's part of
27:37
Speaker 4: the whole thing is you know, I'm knowing what to
27:39
Speaker 4: do and how to do it, you know, and there's
27:40
Speaker 4: a lot of stuff around, you know, depression that happens
27:43
Speaker 4: for moms, and if dads are more supportive, maybe we
27:46
Speaker 4: can prevent some of that, Maybe we can reduce some
27:48
Speaker 4: of that and you get a family off to a
27:50
Speaker 4: healthier start.
27:54
Speaker 2: I have said to you off the air that man,
27:59
Speaker 2: it's it's like the times of today with what's going
28:03
Speaker 2: on in the world, what's going on digitally in that world.
28:12
Speaker 2: There's a lot of stuff that's happening. There's a lot
28:15
Speaker 2: of programming that's being fed to our kids, whether it's
28:21
Speaker 2: on social media, whether it's TV, whether it's stuff they're
28:24
Speaker 2: hearing at school. It can be pretty overwhelming for any parent, dad, mom,
28:33
Speaker 2: what have you? To take this stuff, dissect it and
28:38
Speaker 2: to make sure our kids are they're going to absorb
28:44
Speaker 2: it anyways, But what they do with that information and
28:48
Speaker 2: how they respond to it is the right decision, it's
28:52
Speaker 2: the right move whatever it may be. And I don't
28:57
Speaker 2: need to break down what those areas are, but man,
29:02
Speaker 2: it's like you got to be dialed into your kid.
29:04
Speaker 2: You gotta you gotta know what they're listening to. You
29:06
Speaker 2: got to know what they're hearing from others. And you
29:11
Speaker 2: need to be engaged with that. You need to be
29:13
Speaker 2: aware of what's happening. Yeah, and and not just unplug
29:19
Speaker 2: and bare your face deep into your own social media
29:24
Speaker 2: and and disengage. You need to have your ears and
29:27
Speaker 2: your eyes on what they're doing. Yeah, freaking crazy out there, man,
29:32
Speaker 2: I mean it's like, this is a different world. When
29:34
Speaker 2: I was a kid, and when you and I were
29:36
Speaker 2: kids in the seventies, we're out riding the bicycle, climbing trees,
29:42
Speaker 2: getting hurt, digging holes in the ground. We weren't uh,
29:48
Speaker 2: there was there was no such thing as cyber bullying
29:50
Speaker 2: and cell phones and texting and all that stuff. Man.
29:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's a there's a lot of stuff out there.
29:57
Speaker 4: And uh, you know, we came across something with you know,
30:01
Speaker 4: our one of our guys who got hooked into, like
30:06
Speaker 4: you know, scam into investing in cryptocurrency stuff. And you know,
30:10
Speaker 4: he's got his own world, he's on his own little phone,
30:12
Speaker 4: he's got plenty of time, he's got there's not you know,
30:14
Speaker 4: we probably don't have you know, we're not super strict
30:17
Speaker 4: around it, but just that he was able to navigate
30:20
Speaker 4: that and was you know, throwing money into it that
30:24
Speaker 4: was going away that wasn't and there, you know, and
30:26
Speaker 4: he was insistent that this will legit and and and
30:28
Speaker 4: and so it's really hard to do that. But I
30:30
Speaker 4: want to go back to the thing about so a
30:34
Speaker 4: lot of stuff that comes across our kids, and it
30:36
Speaker 4: could be socially. It's even if you didn't have phones.
30:38
Speaker 4: Let's just take away the phones. Say that's a big deal.
30:40
Speaker 4: But like you know, let's just say stuff that happens
30:42
Speaker 4: at school and and and social stuff and stuff that
30:44
Speaker 4: happens after school and in sports and all that, and
30:46
Speaker 4: just I think that it is important that we have
30:53
Speaker 4: an engaged relationship with our kids, right for a number
30:57
Speaker 4: of reasons, just because we showed them that we love them,
30:59
Speaker 4: let them know, but also when stuff does come up,
31:03
Speaker 4: when our kids have a relationship with us, and stuff
31:05
Speaker 4: does come up, that they feel like they can come
31:09
Speaker 4: to you and ask a question.
31:12
Speaker 3: Do you know anything about cryptocurrency?
31:15
Speaker 4: No?
31:16
Speaker 2: You know?
31:16
Speaker 4: And it may have popped up at one point, and
31:19
Speaker 4: I wasn't paying attention enough to realize that this might
31:21
Speaker 4: be an actual thing, well it became a thing. But
31:25
Speaker 4: paying attention to what our kids say. Sometimes we say, oh,
31:28
Speaker 4: you didn't say anything about that, but actually they sometimes
31:31
Speaker 4: kids do say something.
31:32
Speaker 3: And so for paying attention.
31:34
Speaker 4: We have a relationship with our kids, and I mean
31:36
Speaker 4: like we spend time with them, We spend quality time
31:39
Speaker 4: with them where they feel like I could go to
31:41
Speaker 4: my dad or maybe they choose their mom or whoever,
31:43
Speaker 4: but like you know, they can come. They feel like
31:46
Speaker 4: they can come to me if there's something that comes up,
31:48
Speaker 4: you know, maybe it's about a girlfriend or whatever, you know,
31:51
Speaker 4: a relationship or social thing, and that I've there's a
31:54
Speaker 4: there's a I think we maybe talk about a little bit.
31:56
Speaker 4: There's there's a there's an open open door to be
31:59
Speaker 4: able to come talk about. But I think it's about
32:01
Speaker 4: paying attention, being engaged sometimes having to say, let's look
32:04
Speaker 4: at your phone. Sometimes you know, what are you looking at?
32:06
Speaker 2: What do you you know?
32:07
Speaker 3: Who are you hanging out with at lunch? Who you know?
32:10
Speaker 3: Oh you're going over to Sonzo's house. Oh do I
32:12
Speaker 3: know their parents?
32:13
Speaker 4: Like there is some level of like even though our
32:15
Speaker 4: kids get older, we kind of can disengage, like, oh,
32:17
Speaker 4: they're just they're young adult, they can do a thing,
32:20
Speaker 4: but still staying engaged shows that we care and that
32:23
Speaker 4: kids make mistakes.
32:24
Speaker 3: They just don't know. They don't know how to handle
32:26
Speaker 3: it alone. We don't know how to handle it.
32:27
Speaker 4: So I think I think being engaged and having that
32:30
Speaker 4: relationship with our kids can help.
32:32
Speaker 3: You know, when those things come up. How can we
32:35
Speaker 3: be there too?
32:37
Speaker 2: I said to you last time you were here with me,
32:41
Speaker 2: and I know I'm gonna say it several times more.
32:46
Speaker 2: I probably will say it every second Monday of the
32:51
Speaker 2: month when I have heavy in here. But you know,
32:54
Speaker 2: my good friend Guy Bab who passed away, one of
32:58
Speaker 2: the last things he said to me before he passed
33:00
Speaker 2: away was, and I always said this to you a
33:03
Speaker 2: month ago was who has four kids, and he was
33:09
Speaker 2: trying to give me some advice as a dad. Lily
33:14
Speaker 2: was very young, and he said, you know, look at
33:17
Speaker 2: every situation as an opportunity. Even if you're really pissed,
33:29
Speaker 2: it's an opportunity to not raise your voice. It's an
33:34
Speaker 2: opportunity to respond in a way that is ultimately effective.
33:44
Speaker 2: Even if you're really angry. They screwed up, They maybe
33:48
Speaker 2: they did something that you specifically told them not to
33:51
Speaker 2: do and they did it anyways, and now you're caught
33:54
Speaker 2: up with it as the parent and you need to
33:57
Speaker 2: to help them get out of this. You need to
33:59
Speaker 2: deal with that. But it's still an opportunity for you
34:04
Speaker 2: to stay on the stay on the tracks and not
34:10
Speaker 2: go flying off the handle, because so many of us
34:13
Speaker 2: feel like the louder I get, the more the more
34:20
Speaker 2: I punish, the more effective I am. And I'm doing
34:25
Speaker 2: my job as the father of the house.
34:30
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I think that that's I mean, there's that
34:33
Speaker 4: role of the authoritarian the bottom, you know, like this
34:36
Speaker 4: is the deal, and and so that that's in us
34:40
Speaker 4: a bit. And we grew up might have grown up
34:41
Speaker 4: in that. I was we were saying pants say something
34:43
Speaker 4: once and like you're like, okay, that's it.
34:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dad never had to raise his voice.
34:48
Speaker 3: No he didn't. And and well I think it depends
34:50
Speaker 3: on which household you're in.
34:51
Speaker 4: But I think that you know, it's I remember I
34:55
Speaker 4: remember that, you know, if I raise my voice, and
34:57
Speaker 4: I boy, if I just layer on those consequences, you know,
35:00
Speaker 4: and how dare you, you know, walk away from here?
35:02
Speaker 3: How dare you?
35:03
Speaker 4: And just if I you know, ramp it up and
35:05
Speaker 4: and you know, I think that there's there's times when
35:07
Speaker 4: you know, I think we do have to raise our
35:09
Speaker 4: voice and let let our kids know the level of
35:10
Speaker 4: things like this is serious, like you need to pay attention,
35:13
Speaker 4: you need to listen, be respectful, whatever the things are.
35:15
Speaker 4: But I think that there's also like you know, to
35:18
Speaker 4: your good friend's point, you know, just of you know,
35:23
Speaker 4: how can we how do we learn from that? You know,
35:26
Speaker 4: like do we always is our default, always raising our
35:28
Speaker 4: voice when our kids do something we don't like, And
35:31
Speaker 4: how can we say, you know, gosh, you know I've
35:33
Speaker 4: yelled about this thing seventeen times. Well maybe there's something
35:36
Speaker 4: else I need to do as a dad differently than
35:39
Speaker 4: what I've been doing, you know. And and you know,
35:42
Speaker 4: I you know, yelling, cursing, I mean, spanking, all the stuff, right,
35:48
Speaker 4: I mean all the stuff. That's the stuff that that
35:50
Speaker 4: that we've we've learned and maybe our upbringing and that
35:54
Speaker 4: those things. You know, what is it that we're teaching
35:56
Speaker 4: our kids about, you know, how to be in the world.
35:59
Speaker 4: And I think that's part of the job of being
36:01
Speaker 4: a dad, is how do I teach my kid to be.
36:03
Speaker 3: In the world?
36:04
Speaker 4: And if I'm screaming at him, if I'm swearing at him,
36:07
Speaker 4: if I'm hurting him, what am I teaching him?
36:11
Speaker 3: I'm not teaching him to be respectful. I'm not teaching
36:14
Speaker 3: him to be good to other people. I'm not am
36:17
Speaker 3: I teaching him to listen to me? I don't know,
36:19
Speaker 3: you know, like maybe I'm teaching to be scared of me.
36:22
Speaker 3: You know, what are the things?
36:23
Speaker 4: And so if I ultimately want my kid to be
36:26
Speaker 4: respectful and follow through, I need to set up clear
36:30
Speaker 4: expectations and consequences, and I.
36:33
Speaker 3: Need to have a relationship. I know I'm going to
36:34
Speaker 3: go back to that thing because I think our kids
36:36
Speaker 3: will listen.
36:37
Speaker 4: We have a relationship with them when we are spending
36:39
Speaker 4: time with them, quality of time and we're having fun,
36:42
Speaker 4: laughing and doing the things that they like to do,
36:46
Speaker 4: maybe listening to music we don't like to listen to,
36:48
Speaker 4: but we'll listen to it with them.
36:49
Speaker 3: That that was last night for Taylor swept again. Huh no,
36:55
Speaker 3: oh no, some rap with some.
37:01
Speaker 2: I was like, I got that. I was like, wait, wait, wait,
37:03
Speaker 2: hold on a second, did they just say what I
37:08
Speaker 2: thought they said?
37:09
Speaker 3: Back it up? But go ahead.
37:13
Speaker 4: I think that when we have those that relationship and
37:15
Speaker 4: when the things, when the hard things come up, that
37:18
Speaker 4: it's a little easier for it's it's our kids are
37:21
Speaker 4: more likely to listen to us and say, you know, yeah,
37:25
Speaker 4: I've kind of been a jerk or yep, I have
37:27
Speaker 4: not been taking care of my stuff.
37:28
Speaker 3: I've not been doing this stuff. They're not going to
37:30
Speaker 3: necessarily do that.
37:31
Speaker 4: I'm just saying that if we have a relationship and
37:33
Speaker 4: we're engaged with them and in different ways, not just
37:37
Speaker 4: being the you know, the punisher, I think that's important.
37:41
Speaker 4: And I think a lot of a lot of guys
37:43
Speaker 4: grew up and that's how their dad, you know, kind
37:45
Speaker 4: of raised them.
37:46
Speaker 3: They were the authoritarian.
37:47
Speaker 4: They maybe they they brought, they pay the bills, and
37:50
Speaker 4: they you know, had the roof over the head, but
37:51
Speaker 4: they worked a lot and they weren't around, didn't really
37:53
Speaker 4: have that relationship, and there's a lot of distance between them.
37:57
Speaker 4: And I think that, you know, having a close relation
38:00
Speaker 4: ship with your kids is so important because when the
38:03
Speaker 4: stuff does come up, whether it's really serious stuff or
38:06
Speaker 4: it's accountability, or it's you know, hey, I'm you know,
38:09
Speaker 4: this thing's happening with this kid, or I really like
38:11
Speaker 4: this girl, you know, you can have a conversation with
38:14
Speaker 4: them about it and and you know, hopefully, you know
38:18
Speaker 4: they're not gonna always do what you want, but hopefully
38:21
Speaker 4: they can hear you and you can hear them. And
38:25
Speaker 4: you know, there's no perfect science for sure, but I
38:28
Speaker 4: think that that, you know, your friend's point of it
38:32
Speaker 4: is an opportunity to connect, and it's to connecting about
38:36
Speaker 4: the hard stuff.
38:36
Speaker 3: Is it's good.
38:37
Speaker 4: I always feel great, you know, like I I did,
38:39
Speaker 4: I tell you this last time I had the birds
38:41
Speaker 4: and bees conversation with my fifteen year old not that
38:43
Speaker 4: long ago.
38:43
Speaker 2: You told me that it was going to be happening.
38:45
Speaker 2: How did it? Oh?
38:47
Speaker 3: It was? It was incredible.
38:49
Speaker 4: I mean I was like, am I talking to an
38:50
Speaker 4: adult here? This guy's a little more mature and you
38:53
Speaker 4: know for his age, and.
38:54
Speaker 3: And we had an incredible conversation.
38:56
Speaker 4: He was asking about me and my choices when I
38:59
Speaker 4: was younger, and it was really a great conversation.
39:01
Speaker 3: He was very clear and he really heard it.
39:03
Speaker 4: And but it was, you know, the groundwork was, you know,
39:07
Speaker 4: like we spend a lot of time together and we
39:09
Speaker 4: were able to talk about a difficult conversation.
39:11
Speaker 3: It was super awkward, super awkward. Like to start out with.
39:14
Speaker 4: But once we started going and I think that's that's
39:17
Speaker 4: but I attribute that to because you know, we spend
39:19
Speaker 4: time together and it's not always about the difficult conversations,
39:23
Speaker 4: but that the quality time leads to an easier difficult conversation.
39:28
Speaker 2: And you know what that was. There was an opportunity.
39:32
Speaker 2: You could have just brutally screwed it up. You could
39:38
Speaker 2: you could have it. Sounds like you you very much
39:41
Speaker 2: did not.
39:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I felt lucky in this one that
39:46
Speaker 4: you know, he's able to have the kind of conversation
39:49
Speaker 4: and you know, I give a lot of credit to him,
39:52
Speaker 4: because you know, a teen year old guy talking about
39:56
Speaker 4: that stuff is not easy, right he was he was
39:58
Speaker 4: able to do it, So really, I can't take that
40:01
Speaker 4: much credit for it.
40:02
Speaker 2: We talk about opportunities. Man. It's Lily said something to
40:08
Speaker 2: me a couple of weeks ago that really it did
40:11
Speaker 2: two things to me. It hurt me, but it also
40:14
Speaker 2: infuriated me both at the same time, which is anyway,
40:23
Speaker 2: I needed some distance. Man, I was hot, and the
40:30
Speaker 2: next day Lily had written an apology to me, and
40:40
Speaker 2: when I came home, you know, there's just this look
40:43
Speaker 2: on Charylyn's face of like, don't screw this up, go
40:53
Speaker 2: with it, like again, this is your opportunity. Lily would
40:58
Speaker 2: like to speak with you. And she handed me the
41:06
Speaker 2: note and I handed it back to her and said, no,
41:10
Speaker 2: I would instead of me reading it, I would rather
41:13
Speaker 2: have you read it to me so you can hear
41:18
Speaker 2: your own words. I don't know what was in the
41:21
Speaker 2: note at that time, and she did. And this was
41:26
Speaker 2: my opportunity as a dad to just listen, to listen,
41:34
Speaker 2: and not to lecture, but just to listen to her
41:39
Speaker 2: heart and not have anything necessarily to return with with
41:49
Speaker 2: the tennis rack. Just be quiet, listen. Maybe if you've
41:57
Speaker 2: got a little follow up stuff, you know, maybe maybe wait,
42:02
Speaker 2: maybe wait, maybe even till the next day. Hey, by
42:06
Speaker 2: the way, once the dust settles. Now that that letter
42:11
Speaker 2: that you wrote to me, you know, I was thinking
42:14
Speaker 2: about it, and you know, you know maybe also this right.
42:21
Speaker 4: You know, I don't know, man, Yeah, well I think that,
42:26
Speaker 4: you know, I don't know. People are aware of this.
42:28
Speaker 4: But when something comes up like that, you have actually
42:31
Speaker 4: a multiple choice. There's ABC, D and E choices in
42:35
Speaker 4: front of you. Oh boy, I could say no, I'm
42:39
Speaker 4: not interested in your apology, just not just shut it
42:42
Speaker 4: down right there is be okay, I'd love to read
42:46
Speaker 4: your letter, you know whatever, or see you read to me.
42:51
Speaker 3: Or d you know you you know, can listen.
42:55
Speaker 4: Listen was great, Ashally, I think that's that's a very
42:58
Speaker 4: small word, but very power to just listen and now
43:02
Speaker 4: have the so strong, you know, the compulsion to fire back,
43:08
Speaker 4: be defensive, especially if you were hurt and you know,
43:10
Speaker 4: all those things, and just to listen and that I'll
43:13
Speaker 4: just tell you that is that is just that skill
43:17
Speaker 4: is really hard for I think adults and human beings.
43:21
Speaker 4: And and then I think to your point, just come back,
43:24
Speaker 4: come back around to it, like hey, I really you know,
43:26
Speaker 4: to really hear and and and to really you know,
43:31
Speaker 4: meet your daughter where she's at about the things that
43:34
Speaker 4: are going on for I mean, that's that is.
43:36
Speaker 3: First of all, Wow, she wrote a letter to you,
43:40
Speaker 3: thought about it.
43:41
Speaker 4: I mean, how much thought went into not just the
43:43
Speaker 4: letter itself, but the thought and then to bring it
43:46
Speaker 4: to you is incredible, you know, And and the way
43:50
Speaker 4: she needed to express it, she need to write it
43:52
Speaker 4: down to give to you and just realize the skills
43:54
Speaker 4: and be like wow, before you meeting I'd say like,
43:57
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you for really, you know, doing that.
44:00
Speaker 3: That's really amazing.
44:02
Speaker 2: Well, she seemed you know, nervous, uh and and very uncomfortable,
44:07
Speaker 2: and I I don't want her to feel nervous. I
44:12
Speaker 2: don't want her to feel like I'm going to take
44:16
Speaker 2: her opportunity too, to fire back and and to light
44:25
Speaker 2: everything up and and preach. I don't want her to
44:30
Speaker 2: feel that that way. You know what I'm saying.
44:32
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, it's and I think that there's something
44:36
Speaker 4: about being aware of that and and and there's just
44:39
Speaker 4: you know, things are emotional sometimes, you know, And like
44:41
Speaker 4: I said, you know, we feel like we got to
44:43
Speaker 4: be the ones that we have to say something, we
44:44
Speaker 4: have to do something about it. And I think, you know,
44:47
Speaker 4: to be able to recognize, you know, when we've I mean,
44:51
Speaker 4: I think it's a big thing to be able to say, like,
44:52
Speaker 4: you know, I could have done that differently. And you know,
44:55
Speaker 4: my son came home last night and he was you know,
44:57
Speaker 4: I was like, he didn't towels and put him up
45:00
Speaker 4: in the bathroom, and so he has a reason for everything,
45:03
Speaker 4: you know. And but instead of saying, hey, how's it going,
45:06
Speaker 4: how was work? You know, hey, dinner, dinner's up there
45:08
Speaker 4: for you. I was like, I had to tell him
45:11
Speaker 4: what I did wrong right off, and I just it
45:14
Speaker 4: was like I have to because it's been a frustration point.
45:17
Speaker 4: But that's where that's where I went, you know, And
45:18
Speaker 4: I think that's you know, how do we do that?
45:20
Speaker 4: And but one of the things I'll tell you is
45:22
Speaker 4: repair is amazing just going back and saying like, you
45:24
Speaker 4: know what, you know, like I could have done that differently.
45:27
Speaker 4: Some people are hard time saying I'm sorry, so you
45:29
Speaker 4: don't have to say that. I could say that, but you.
45:31
Speaker 3: Could say, hey, you know what, I could have done
45:32
Speaker 3: that differently.
45:33
Speaker 4: You know that whatever the thing is you got to
45:36
Speaker 4: say and and and and what you can't do say
45:39
Speaker 4: like I should have listened better is in that moment.
45:43
Speaker 3: To actually listen. Sometimes we'll do the same thing again.
45:46
Speaker 3: But the thing is, you did this blah blah blah.
45:48
Speaker 3: I was so pissed off.
45:49
Speaker 4: Sure, and you just really shut down your kid again,
45:51
Speaker 4: you know, And and the opportunity could have been to listen, said,
45:56
Speaker 4: the opportunity is I shut down my kid yet again.
45:58
Speaker 3: And after the seventeenth I'm yeah, right, guess what she's
46:03
Speaker 3: not coming to you anymore. She's not writing you any
46:05
Speaker 3: more letters.
46:06
Speaker 4: You know, she's not worried about your feelings, you know,
46:09
Speaker 4: And so how do we you know the point I
46:11
Speaker 4: was making earlier of like what we do you know,
46:15
Speaker 4: when we respond to our kids, is teaching them how
46:17
Speaker 4: to be in those situations?
46:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, Josh Miller, my guest with Vermont Fatherhood right here
46:23
Speaker 2: in Barry this morning. Visit Vermont Fatherhood dot org. Stop
46:29
Speaker 2: into their Tuesday discussion groups Tuesdays from five to seven,
46:35
Speaker 2: no appointment needed. They've got childcare. They provide dinner Tuesday
46:41
Speaker 2: nights from five to seven right above Wabbie Jewelers. You know,
46:47
Speaker 2: you also know, Josh, that when your kid is your
46:53
Speaker 2: age now and you're long gone that he is, he
47:01
Speaker 2: is probably most likely going to remember these tiny little
47:08
Speaker 2: things that you've frankly long forgotten. Where he came home
47:14
Speaker 2: and was held accountable right off for not following through
47:20
Speaker 2: with his responsibilities, and that dad wasn't yelling and screaming
47:27
Speaker 2: and throwing things around the kitchen really angry, but rather
47:37
Speaker 2: he was stern and said, hey, you know, this is
47:42
Speaker 2: what is expected of you, and he's going to remember that.
47:47
Speaker 2: He's going to He's going to carry moments like that
47:50
Speaker 2: for his life.
47:52
Speaker 3: Yeah.
47:53
Speaker 4: And me, I was saying, when when when guys become
47:56
Speaker 4: guys become dads, you know, all the stuff, the things
47:58
Speaker 4: about becoming a dad that that they didn't know about,
48:01
Speaker 4: all the things that they grew up in, start showing up,
48:04
Speaker 4: you know, for better, for worse, right, And and so
48:06
Speaker 4: I think that, you know, it's I tell you, I
48:10
Speaker 4: spent plenty of times yelling and and doing that, and
48:13
Speaker 4: now after thirty four years of parenting, I've learned better.
48:16
Speaker 3: But you know, it's it's how do I you know, yeah,
48:20
Speaker 3: what do I want to see?
48:22
Speaker 2: What's ultimately going to be effective?
48:24
Speaker 4: And it takes a lot, It takes some self awareness,
48:26
Speaker 4: it takes some practice, takes some mistakes watching other people
48:29
Speaker 4: and and seeing that, and and I think, you know,
48:33
Speaker 4: we try to do our best, and and we're trying
48:35
Speaker 4: to also, you know, shift some things that we grew
48:38
Speaker 4: up in that would not have been so great. And
48:40
Speaker 4: and sometime it's hard to undo some of that stuff
48:42
Speaker 4: and take some time. But I think you know that
48:46
Speaker 4: that we're all capable of of, you know, Vermon five
48:49
Speaker 4: they bring out to bring out the best, you know,
48:51
Speaker 4: how do we bring out the best in ourselves through
48:53
Speaker 4: each other and and uh, you know, learn from our
48:56
Speaker 4: mistakes and learn from other people's mistakes and be good deaths.
48:59
Speaker 2: And you know, as as a as a parent. But
49:03
Speaker 2: we're I mean, we're talking about dads here, but any
49:06
Speaker 2: parent if you know in your gut that you overreacted
49:17
Speaker 2: or you were a little too hard or whatever and
49:27
Speaker 2: your kid, you might have to eat some crow, you
49:34
Speaker 2: might have to be humbled here that your kid that
49:37
Speaker 2: you really in your gut you know that you owe
49:43
Speaker 2: them an apology. You know initially, you know when when
49:54
Speaker 2: when I became a dad and you know, Lily was
49:57
Speaker 2: getting old enough, you know, my my thing was, I'm
50:07
Speaker 2: our dad. I'm you know, I'm not gonna apologize. But
50:15
Speaker 2: there were a few times that I can remember that
50:18
Speaker 2: I needed to to own up and be accountable and say, hey,
50:25
Speaker 2: you know I did this, I said that I shouldn't have,
50:31
Speaker 2: and I'm sorry, and will you accept my apology?
50:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, those are.
50:39
Speaker 2: Coming from the from the parent, you know, who's supposed
50:43
Speaker 2: to be the almighty powerful one here for them to do.
50:48
Speaker 2: For me to do that has been some some pretty
50:53
Speaker 2: uh highly connective moments that I've had with my kid.
50:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you know, one of the things we
51:00
Speaker 4: want our kids to have is accountability for ourselves, for themselves,
51:04
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And we can say you
51:09
Speaker 4: need to you need to be accountable, you need to
51:10
Speaker 4: be responded, you need to do this and that, and
51:12
Speaker 4: when you make a mistake, you need to you know,
51:14
Speaker 4: like blah blah blah. But if I show my kid
51:17
Speaker 4: when I make a mistake, and I and it's true truly,
51:20
Speaker 4: and I you know, say the words I'm sorry or
51:25
Speaker 4: my even my bad, I was wrong, Like, it doesn't.
51:29
Speaker 3: It doesn't make you less of a dad or less
51:32
Speaker 3: of a man. It just does not.
51:35
Speaker 4: You know, how can I say, you know, I didn't
51:39
Speaker 4: do that right and I'm and I'm gonna do it differently.
51:42
Speaker 4: Even if you don't say that a loud you can
51:43
Speaker 4: say that to yourself like I need to do a
51:45
Speaker 4: better job with that.
51:46
Speaker 3: I need to own that.
51:47
Speaker 4: And I think that that's so important to do. And
51:51
Speaker 4: and again we can say words and all that stuff,
51:53
Speaker 4: but if we're not doing it, we never own our stuff.
51:56
Speaker 4: You know, our kids. Why would our kids you know,
51:59
Speaker 4: there were tea we're showing them how to do it.
52:01
Speaker 4: How to be in the world, how to be with
52:02
Speaker 4: other people, how to be with each other, how to
52:04
Speaker 4: be in a family. And if we're not able to
52:06
Speaker 4: do that, well we can't expect it. I think it's
52:09
Speaker 4: important that we are able to do that for our
52:11
Speaker 4: kids and and and man up and apologize one of
52:14
Speaker 4: the time one of the time.
52:15
Speaker 3: And I would say also.
52:18
Speaker 4: Also doing that with our partners in front of our kids,
52:22
Speaker 4: like you know what, I didn't mean to so I
52:24
Speaker 4: was just im stressed and whatever the thing is. But
52:28
Speaker 4: doing that is powerful and that you know, like and again,
52:31
Speaker 4: it doesn't make you less of a husband. It's like,
52:32
Speaker 4: you know what, you did something and it wasn't cool.
52:36
Speaker 2: And but you gotta admit, brother, you gotta admit for
52:40
Speaker 2: for many of us, Yeah, ego gets in the.
52:43
Speaker 3: Way, absolutely absolutely, And it's really I'm not saying it's easy.
52:48
Speaker 3: It's really hard.
52:49
Speaker 4: And it's really and and and and and I think
52:50
Speaker 4: we do think like, well, if I apologize, if I
52:52
Speaker 4: say that I was wrong, well you know, I'm you know,
52:55
Speaker 4: I'm not the man.
52:56
Speaker 2: You know, or I'm seventy sorry, but I'm not one
53:00
Speaker 2: hundred percent. So if i'm because you you played a
53:04
Speaker 2: role here too. So unless I'm one hundred percent sorry,
53:07
Speaker 2: then I'm not gonna say I'm sorry.
53:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I think.
53:13
Speaker 4: I mean, I think that that you know that you
53:15
Speaker 4: can be and you can you can keep that one
53:16
Speaker 4: in your head of like, yep, you know, I'm you
53:18
Speaker 4: know I did I could have done that better, and
53:23
Speaker 4: you know, we need to figure this out because I'm
53:25
Speaker 4: not totally the wrong here.
53:26
Speaker 3: However, we figure that out negotiating that with our partners,
53:29
Speaker 3: with our kids. You know all that stuff. You know,
53:31
Speaker 3: it's hard, it's to take skill, and there's a lot
53:33
Speaker 3: of emotion behind it. There's ego behind it.
53:35
Speaker 4: You know, I'm saying things that are hard stuff that
53:37
Speaker 4: you know, I say it, I say it, I'll day
53:41
Speaker 4: to do that is really hard.
53:44
Speaker 3: But I think that that you know, and you don't
53:45
Speaker 3: do it every day.
53:46
Speaker 4: Hopefully you don't do it every day, but maybe once
53:48
Speaker 4: in a while when we missed that on that sure
53:52
Speaker 4: and let our kids know that, hey, you know, I
53:54
Speaker 4: was in the wrong here.
53:55
Speaker 3: And you know I'm letting you know.
53:58
Speaker 2: Parenting is and my brother tells me this all the time,
54:05
Speaker 2: the hardest job.
54:07
Speaker 1: It is.
54:13
Speaker 2: It can be incredibly difficult. And if you think you
54:21
Speaker 2: got this, You'll figure it out on your own. You
54:26
Speaker 2: might be missing the boat man. Have bounce your stuff
54:31
Speaker 2: off of your other friends who are parents, your other
54:37
Speaker 2: family members who are parents, bounce stuff off of folks
54:45
Speaker 2: like yourself. Come in, maybe have a one on one
54:49
Speaker 2: discussion of you know, I do this well and this
54:53
Speaker 2: well and this well, but this is one area where
54:56
Speaker 2: I just I need a little bit of guidance.
55:01
Speaker 1: Man.
55:02
Speaker 2: It's it's it's tough. And we let pride get in
55:06
Speaker 2: the way.
55:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, we talked about pride a lot, actually a group,
55:10
Speaker 4: but yeah, absolutely. And I think if there is something
55:13
Speaker 4: like you know, you've got nothing to lose other than
55:16
Speaker 4: you know, maybe some some some poor parenting, you know,
55:20
Speaker 4: habits that we do, if you come in and talk
55:22
Speaker 4: with somebody about it, could be me, could be another
55:24
Speaker 4: you know guy, but like, hey, gosh, I'm struggling with
55:26
Speaker 4: this thing.
55:26
Speaker 3: How do I do it? Everything?
55:27
Speaker 4: My kids driving me nuts, blah blah, whatever the thing is.
55:30
Speaker 4: And and to to hear other ways that people do it.
55:34
Speaker 4: Sometimes we only know one way, but hearing other people
55:36
Speaker 4: talk about how they deal with it it can be
55:39
Speaker 4: really helpful. And and I don't think any parents should
55:41
Speaker 4: do it alone. Uh, you know, reach out, reach out
55:45
Speaker 4: to to I think I appreciate you know, your your clip, friends,
55:48
Speaker 4: your you know, family or whatever.
55:49
Speaker 2: It says.
55:49
Speaker 3: I'm just not sure.
55:51
Speaker 4: And again that's hard to do. It's hard to do
55:53
Speaker 4: as a man, like, oh what am I saying? I'm
55:55
Speaker 4: a bad dad because I'm I'm not sure how to
55:57
Speaker 4: do this. You know, you know it's it's a lot
56:00
Speaker 4: of feelings around it. And I think it's you know,
56:03
Speaker 4: you have you have very little to lose, you know,
56:06
Speaker 4: then you ask for help on any issue. I think
56:10
Speaker 4: it's important and I'm always willing to have a one
56:12
Speaker 4: on one conversation. I'll get the coffee pot ready, We'll
56:15
Speaker 4: got some coffee, we'll talk about it, and uh, we'll
56:17
Speaker 4: sort it out.
56:18
Speaker 3: We'll come up with some ideas.
56:19
Speaker 2: Even if you disagree, and and we're gonna play tennis
56:23
Speaker 2: for a little while. Yeah that you still welcome that.
56:28
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I want you know, people, if somebody
56:30
Speaker 4: comes in and just says, hey, I'm really having a
56:32
Speaker 4: struggle with this thing, I'm like, first of all, that's
56:35
Speaker 4: huge to be able to say that.
56:37
Speaker 3: But they're like, well I do this, well, this is
56:39
Speaker 3: how I've done it for so many years and I said,
56:40
Speaker 3: well what about this? What about that?
56:42
Speaker 4: And ask some questions. I'm not there to judge, you know,
56:44
Speaker 4: here to like, hey, here's some other You're also not.
56:46
Speaker 2: The perfect father that has all the answers to everything.
56:49
Speaker 3: No, just interview my kids. They'll tell you I am
56:51
Speaker 3: absolutely not the perfect father. Yeah, I don't know, you know.
56:55
Speaker 4: And and but the thing isn't that I don't I'm
56:57
Speaker 4: not here to like tell you the answer and how
56:59
Speaker 4: to parent. I'm not that that's not what I'm doing.
57:01
Speaker 4: I'm saying, here's some other ideas. What are you looking for?
57:03
Speaker 4: What's your what's your end? You know goal here, you know,
57:06
Speaker 4: let's talk about some ways to do it and see
57:08
Speaker 4: if that's feasible for you, you know what I mean?
57:09
Speaker 4: And and uh, some things, you know, some things might stick,
57:12
Speaker 4: you know, and say like well, it's we're the try
57:14
Speaker 4: where the try something different because what they might be
57:16
Speaker 4: doing now might not be working. So uh, but there's
57:19
Speaker 4: like I said, there's there's you have a multiple choice
57:22
Speaker 4: set of responses you could have as a dad. And
57:24
Speaker 4: it always rolls down for me. I always seem to
57:25
Speaker 4: be like, Okay, you could be doing this, you could
57:27
Speaker 4: be doing this. You could be doing this, and you
57:29
Speaker 4: do have choices, and you just may not be aware
57:31
Speaker 4: of those choices. And so, but if you became aware
57:33
Speaker 4: of what those choices were, you may not feel so
57:36
Speaker 4: stressed about those situations that.
57:38
Speaker 3: Come up as a parent.
57:40
Speaker 2: Tell me about your dad.
57:43
Speaker 4: I don't know my dad. I don't know anything about
57:46
Speaker 4: him JD. I don't know what he looks like. I
57:48
Speaker 4: don't know his name, I don't know anything. So the
57:52
Speaker 4: sad part of that about that is that I always
57:53
Speaker 4: sort of struggle with my identity who am I as
57:56
Speaker 4: a man, as a dad. The other part is I
58:00
Speaker 4: get to make it up. I get to say this
58:03
Speaker 4: is the dad I get to be. I don't have
58:04
Speaker 4: to undo what my dad or did, did or didn't
58:08
Speaker 4: do right. So it was a hard thing growing up,
58:11
Speaker 4: I think, especially as a teenager, not having a dad,
58:14
Speaker 4: not having really any particular male role model that was
58:18
Speaker 4: active in my life. And then I became a dad.
58:21
Speaker 4: So that was a trip, right, nineteen How many times
58:23
Speaker 4: did you become a dad?
58:24
Speaker 2: Four times?
58:25
Speaker 3: Four times?
58:26
Speaker 4: You know, first one was nineteen and and and you know,
58:30
Speaker 4: trying to figure it out as I went along there,
58:31
Speaker 4: and you know, and and I remember I was in
58:37
Speaker 4: southern Vermont, driving on Main Street and Bradleborough, and I
58:39
Speaker 4: said to myself, I realized at this moment, kind of
58:41
Speaker 4: letting go some of the pain, I said, I get
58:43
Speaker 4: to be any dad that I want to be.
58:45
Speaker 3: I get to be the dad that I that I choose,
58:47
Speaker 3: that i'd create.
58:48
Speaker 2: Or that you always kind of needed and won that
58:50
Speaker 2: I always wanted.
58:51
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, and so I did. So I I
58:54
Speaker 4: became the dad that played really well. I was a
58:57
Speaker 4: good player. I was great at playing great. I'm not
59:01
Speaker 4: as great anymore because I'm a little more tired, but
59:03
Speaker 4: I was great at playing with my kid.
59:06
Speaker 3: And I had a lot to learn about parenting.
59:08
Speaker 4: But playing with your kid, having fun with your kid,
59:10
Speaker 4: being silly with your kid, reading to your kid, oh
59:13
Speaker 4: my gosh, so much for me healing not having a dad.
59:20
Speaker 3: Doing that with my son was huge. It's just it
59:25
Speaker 3: really filled the big void in my life.
59:26
Speaker 2: What do you say to a dad who is screwing
59:29
Speaker 2: stuff up right now and justifying it. Maybe, Hey, this
59:37
Speaker 2: was the way I was raised. I had a horrible
59:40
Speaker 2: dad or a horrible father, and damn it, I'm emulating him.
59:50
Speaker 2: I'm doing the same thing, whatever, whatever it may be. Yeah,
59:55
Speaker 2: I'm hitting my kid, or I'm drinking too much, whatever
59:58
Speaker 2: it may be. I'm losing time. I've screwed up. I'm
1:00:05
Speaker 2: screwing up currently. It's too freaking late. I've punched my ticket.
1:00:11
Speaker 2: There's nothing I can do about it. Now, what do
1:00:13
Speaker 2: you say, Josh, It's.
1:00:15
Speaker 3: Never too late. I had a dad I remember years ago,
1:00:18
Speaker 3: came in, showed up, and.
1:00:19
Speaker 4: He was like, is this the place they talk about
1:00:22
Speaker 4: being a dad? Because I've been a really crappy dad
1:00:26
Speaker 4: and I don't know what to do about it. I
1:00:30
Speaker 4: still get goosebumps thinking about this guy coming in. I
1:00:34
Speaker 4: was like, you are a dream to me coming in,
1:00:37
Speaker 4: and you've really just said I want to be a
1:00:40
Speaker 4: better dad. And so, first of all, that's great. And
1:00:43
Speaker 4: then in terms of like what I would say to
1:00:46
Speaker 4: a guy if I was meeting with a guy and
1:00:47
Speaker 4: talking about I said like, well, what kind of dad
1:00:48
Speaker 4: you want to be? What kind of dad did you
1:00:50
Speaker 4: want when you were five years old? What did you
1:00:52
Speaker 4: want to do with your dad? Okay, all right, you
1:00:56
Speaker 4: wanted to play? I wanted to have him teach you
1:00:58
Speaker 4: how to ride a bike. You want to you know,
1:01:01
Speaker 4: go run in the woods and build a fort. Well,
1:01:04
Speaker 4: let's figure out how to do that.
1:01:05
Speaker 3: What do you not want to do as a dad?
1:01:07
Speaker 3: I don't want to scream, yell, hurt.
1:01:10
Speaker 4: Okay, let's come up with some other ideas about how
1:01:13
Speaker 4: you would deal with those situations. Let's just talk about
1:01:15
Speaker 4: it some other ideas. The thing about this work working
1:01:22
Speaker 4: with dads is one is absolutely free. Number two is
1:01:28
Speaker 4: you could change at the drop of a dime. You
1:01:32
Speaker 4: can start doing things different right away.
1:01:34
Speaker 2: Even though it might not be easy.
1:01:35
Speaker 3: You just got to show up. You got to show
1:01:38
Speaker 3: up and ask the question what do I do? How
1:01:41
Speaker 3: do I do this?
1:01:42
Speaker 2: You know?
1:01:44
Speaker 3: Yeah?
1:01:46
Speaker 4: And and I think when we put that out there,
1:01:51
Speaker 4: you know, like I want to be a better dad,
1:01:55
Speaker 4: And it could be one thing, could be lots of things,
1:01:57
Speaker 4: you know, put that out to the to to meets
1:02:00
Speaker 4: to the world, things will happen.
1:02:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you brother so much. You're off to meet
1:02:08
Speaker 2: with another dad and man, what you do is incredible.
1:02:13
Speaker 2: It's an amazing mission and vision. Ah and I can't
1:02:17
Speaker 2: wait to chat with you again in a month. Second
1:02:20
Speaker 2: Sunday or second Monday of every month. Josh Miller from
1:02:25
Speaker 2: from My Fatherhood is with me on the couch in
1:02:28
Speaker 2: the studio here at AIRDAW. Thank you so much, brother.
1:03:00
Speaker 1: Capp btpictpp bating topics, stops in black abs and pepper
1:03:16
Speaker 1: bating topics and tapaspects compleat cops tapping, tapping, tap tapping,
1:03:34
Speaker 1: tap bat topics and step back about alps and people
1:03:42
Speaker 1: not bapp stepastic districts SP