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5 things Narcissists do when you take them back · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about what narcissists do,
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  things narcissists do. If you let them come back into
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  your life, if you give them another chance.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I am a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back, welcome
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  back, welcome back folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  These self aware narcissist, the narcissist code.
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  What do narcissist do? If you let them come back into
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  your life, if you give them access, if you break no contact,
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  if you take them back, what do what?
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  What kind of things do you think narcissists do?
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  What do you think they do? I want you.
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  I want you to drop your thoughts in the comment section before
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  you go into the video. What do you think narcissists
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  do? If you let them come back, if
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  you give them another chance, Most narcissists, they're going
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  to say most because not all No2 narcissists are the same, right?
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  So I say most narcissists, right?
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  What do most narcissists do? If you give them, give them
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  another chance. If you let them come back into
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  your life, boom, there you go. You have no time.
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  Look, pencils down. Pencils down class.
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  Pencils down, narcissistic people.
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  Let's keep it hot. Keep it hot and ready.
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  Narcissistic people, absolutely. We think if you let them back
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  into your life for one, one thing that they will do, it's a
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  lot of them will start to treat you, will treat you better at
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  first, right? I know this might shock a lot of
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  people, but anybody can behave can be on their best behavior
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  for a short period of time. Anybody can act, right?
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  For a few days or a couple of weeks, a couple of months,
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  anybody. Consistent changed behavior
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  takes time. I truly believe that fast change
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  is not real, especially in the in the context of a of toxic
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  relationship. Fast change isn't real, or I'll
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  stop doing that. What?
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  So how are you going to stop doing that?
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  All of a sudden? You've been doing this for 40
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  years and now all of a sudden you're going to stop doing that?
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  Huh. What sense does that make?
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  You've been doing this same behavior for 40 years, and
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  somehow now, now you're going to stop right now, out of nowhere,
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  you're going to stop this behavior?
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  No, fast change is not real. So anybody could be on their
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  best behavior because like even in my support group, I have a
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  support group called the mental illness.
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  You can find it in the comment section.
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  I mean, to find it in the description, whatnot.
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  But people will put like I took Lee, I took them back and of
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  course things were good for a little while and then the old
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  behavior start resurfacing. And then when I bought, when I,
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  when I tried to set the boundary, when I said, hey,
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  you're doing it again. Guess what happened, Lee?
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  Guess what happened? They blamed me.
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  Of course they blame you for taking them back.
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  Anybody could be on their best behavior for a little bit.
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  So the first thing that they're going to do is be on their best
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  behavior. Most of them, some of them will
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  not you, you don't get any best behavior.
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  What you do if you get them come back, they'll try to sleep with
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  you really fast and to reattach you to, to re establish the
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  trauma bond. And then they'll just go back to
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  their bad behaviors immediately and you'll be like what
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  happened? I thought you were like, you'll
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  be able to look, you'll be over there naked.
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  You'll be able to naked. What happened?
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  I thought you had changed. They're like, no, I didn't want
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  the buns. I want to be.
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  I need some cheeks. No, you see what happens.
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  Don't give it up to them. Make them earn it.
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  I know y'all be. I know, I know y'all.
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  I know. I know Adults want to clap
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  cheeks. I know.
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  I get it. I'm an adult, y'all.
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  I'm a 39 year old man. I'm in the last year before I
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  turned 40, right? I get it.
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  I understand it, right. Right.
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  But you got to have some discipline in that space right
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  there. If you have no discipline,
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  you're going to lose 100 out of 100 times.
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  You just are, Yeah. And that's the mindset that a
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  lot of narcissistic people, that's the mindset a lot of you
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  are going to face. They're going to try to come
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  back to you, get some cheeks and dip.
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  They're going to be on their best behavior till they get what
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  they want, and then they'll switch it up again.
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  So the first thing they're going to do is be on their best
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  behavior. The second thing that that
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  narcissists do to you when you take them back is a lot of them
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  will treat you worse. Most of them would treat you
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  worse after that little good period, after that little
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  initial good period of time, which not everybody gets, after
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  that initial good period, there are going to be some bad times
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  too. They're going to go back.
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  They're going to revert back to their old behaviors.
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  But why, Lee? Why would they revert back to
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  the old behaviors? Because the old behaviors serve
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  them. The old behaviors, they got
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  something out of it, so why wouldn't they go back to the old
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  behaviors? You see what I'm saying?
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  Why wouldn't I revert back to my old behaviors that served me in
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  the first place? These old behaviors served me,
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  so of course I'm going to keep doing them.
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  Why wouldn't I? That's the mindset that so many
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  people face. Why wouldn't I go back to my old
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  behaviors that served me, that I've been doing for twenty,
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  30-40 years? Why wouldn't I do that?
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  You know, and a lot of them are going to treat you worse because
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  now. But Lee, why they treat us
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  worse? Because now they think that the
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  old like one of the reasons the narcissist treat you worse when
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  you take them back is because they now think that the old
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  behaviors are acceptable. So they'll try to start doing
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  see what more they can get away with.
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  Just like one of the narcissist favorite games.
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  What more can I get away with? But Lee, I don't want to play
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  the game. Do you got to stop taking them
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  back? I know what it sounds.
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  I don't. I'm not trying to make it sound
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  super simplistic, but if you don't want to play the little
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  toxic back and forth game of doing this back and forth, you
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  got to stop taking them back. You have to stop taking them
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  back. You have to or they're going to
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  keep using you. They're going to keep abusing
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  you, they're going to keep playing your face.
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  They're going to make you feel they're going to make you feel
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  silly, they're going to make you feel silly and they're going to
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  keep treating you worse. I thought you know, I, I just
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  thought that things are going to be different.
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  Why are you thinking that, y'all?
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  No, this is not me trying to chance like you, lady.
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  That was kind of me. No, this is not me, Me being me.
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  This is me asking you a direct question that you need to answer
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  in order to stay away from this person.
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  If they keep coming back into your life, Why?
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  What is the story that you're telling yourself right now in
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  this space? It'd be like, oh, they're going
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  to treat me better. What are you saying to yourself?
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  What are you saying to yourself? Quickly now.
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  Quickly, quickly, quickly. Now seriously, what are you
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  telling yourself to make you feel like this person's going to
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  change because they're going to go back to the old behaviors?
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  Because in their mind, the old behaviors are acceptable and
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  they get bored. And guess what happens when they
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  get bored? They start to treat you worse
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  when they get bored. They try to see what more else,
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  what else they can get away with.
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  I told you, I promised you I would have cut my ex off.
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  But my ex, they had a car accident and the car accident,
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  nobody else would go help them. And I was the only person that
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  can help them. And when I when I wanted to help
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  them, of course, we got passionate and we we slept
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  together at the scene of the accident.
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  What? What kind of accident did they
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  have? Well, they had a flat tire.
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  What? Huh.
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  A flat tire, you cheated. Come on now, y'all, all they
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  take, all they take is a flat tire and they cheat.
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  What are they going to do when they come on now, y'all?
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  So the second thing they're going to do is treat you worse.
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  The third thing they're going to do, and this is going to sound
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  so counter intuitive and this is going to sound so stupid.
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  The third thing that they would do is I don't want to say this.
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  The third thing they're going to do, and y'all would never guess
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  what I'm about to say. I promise you, you would never
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  guess what I'm about to say. Guess what I'm about to say.
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  All right? The third thing that they would
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  do is not trust you. What would narcissist do?
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  If you take them back, they won't trust you.
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  They don't trust you. If they broke up with you or you
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  broke up with them, the possibility exists that somebody
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  can end this relationship at any time, right?
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  So if somebody can end this relationship at any time, then
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  I'm always going to be on edge. So I don't trust you to stay
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  with me. Now, if I've cheated on you and
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  left you from somebody else and you found out I don't trust you
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  because I think you're going to get me back.
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  So the third thing that the third thing that they were going
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  to do, the third thing that they will do is get paranoid as hell
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  and just be super controlling. They will be extremely
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  controlling about you. They will, they will control
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  each other. Like look at your phone or you
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  cheating on me. Oh, I know you.
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  You want to sleep with your best friend, don't you?
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  You want to do this, You want to do that.
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  They're going to Yeah. And people will be like, well, I
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  just, I just cut my friends off because I got tired of hearing
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  it. They're going to say it anyway.
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  Like they're going to say it anyway.
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  What? I cut my friends off because I
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  got tired of them accusing me of sleeping with them.
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  They're going to say it anyway. Don't cut your friends off
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  because you, when you cut your friends off, you're going to be
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  shocked when you try to go when this relationship ends, which
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  they most of them do and you don't have any friends, you try
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  to go back to them like, hey, I got manipulated.
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  They're not going to care if you got manipulated.
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  You cut me off. You see what I'm saying?
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  So they're going to try to isolate you, manipulate you, and
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  not trust you. I was going to say #4 but number
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  four kind of goes into #3 they're going to isolate you.
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  This can be like 3.5. Now this can be done before.
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  Like I said, like I said, they won't trust you.
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  They'll be super paranoid on you.
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  Their insecurities will bubble to the surface and the next
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  thing they will do is become super paranoid about you.
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  They will become super paranoid thinking that you're going to
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  damn near they super paranoid and isolating #4 is isolation.
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  They will isolate the hell out of you.
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  We. I don't think you need any
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  friends. I don't think you need to hang
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  around those people anymore. Those people are bad influence
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  on you. Your mom don't like me.
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  Why are you still talking to your mom?
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  Your dad doesn't like me. Your dad doesn't want me around.
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  So why are you still talking to your dad?
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  I guess you don't want. I guess you don't want me around
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  either, do you? I guess this is the way things
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  have to be. Come on now, y'all.
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  Come on. We got to wake up.
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  It's wake up to It's wake up 2024.
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  It's time to wake the hell up because these people are going
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  to do whatever it is in their best interest.
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  Your healing is in is not in a narcissist's best interest.
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  I'll say it like that directly to you.
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  You healing, you getting better, you being better is not in a
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  narcissist's best interest. It is just not.
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  This is something that you have to, this is something you have
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  to empower yourself to do moving forward.
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  You see what I'm saying? You have to empower yourself the
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  more chances you get. And like I said, some
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  narcissists, all four of these things that I've listed listed
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  out so far, some narcissists will do each will do all of
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  them. They'll do every single thing.
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  They'll start treating you better, Then they'll start
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  treating you worse, Then they'll start, then they'll start
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  seeing, seeing what more they can get away with.
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  Then it's not trusting you. And then they'll start isolating
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  you, and then they'll discard you.
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  The last time I say they will discard you #5 they will discard
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  you. Some narcissists will come back
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  into your life just to be the one to break up with you if you
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  broke up with them. Some of them will come into your
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  life just to be the one that breaks up with you.
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  Some of them will come back into your life just to be the one
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  that breaks up with you. They absolutely will.
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  Some narcissists will come back into your life just to say, hey,
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  she didn't break up with me, I broke up with her.
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  Oh no, he didn't dump me. I dumped his ass.
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  And is it not true? You get them to come back and
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  now who the last breakup is on is on them.
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  The last breakup, the last separation.
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  They can just say, Oh no, I broke up with her.
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  I left. I left Lee's ass.
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  Even though Lee took you back, you broke with me.
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  So now the truth is you broke with me.
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  So that's what you're saying when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or a toxic person, you have to watch this type of
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  stuff. This type of stuff will continue
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  to happen to you. It runs rampant.
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  And they just won't. Like, yeah, they won't give you
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  any kind of peace. Narcissist don't want that.
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  Your peace does not benefit a narcissist.
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  Again, most narcissists are going to do whatever it takes to
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  benefit themselves. Your peace, your healing, your
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  growth, your education does not benefit a toxic narcissistic
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  person. It just does not.
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  It just doesn't. Your educational narcissistic
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  abuse doesn't benefit a narcissist, especially if
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  they're still abusing you. Especially if your educational
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  narcissistic abuse or toxic abuse results in you staying in
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  the toxicity or taking them back.
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  If it doesn't result in that, it doesn't benefit them at all.
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  So again, the onus is on you to heal.
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  The onus is on you to grow. Leave.
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  That doesn't sound fair yo. It's not fair when you get with
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  a narcissist. It's definitely not fair.
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  You keep taking them back anyway y'all let me log off this thing.
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  Make sure you check out my support groups at
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  courses.mentalillness.net and also also before we leave,
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  before you leave, make sure to follow my other reaction story
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  breakdown voicemail channel. It's called Lee actions.
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  Lee dot actions put look go in the search bar, put in the at
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  symbol, say L EE dot actions ATTIONS.
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  Lee actions follow that Channel and you can submit your story to
• 12:53
  be broken down or read online or whatnot.
• 12:56
  You can submit a voicemail or voicemail numbers in the comment
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  section as well, along with the e-mail to have your story broken
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  down or whatnot as well. Shorter stories.
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  I can't do long 20 page stories, y'all, it's 5-7 minute read 10
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  text messages Max. The voicemail only lets you
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  leave 5 minutes and I got a couple voicemails today, so I'll
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  be looking through them in a little bit.
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  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  And of course, who is up? Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
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  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:27
  to the channel, Help us reach more people and click on the
• 13:29
  screen to watch another video or to browse through another
• 13:31
  playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
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  you heal and understand what you've been through.
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  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.