Latest / Dear Son, / Putting Away Foolish Things | Ep 5 | Better Together

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Putting Away Foolish Things | Ep 5 | Better Together · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_04]: Back at it You're good, right?
• 0:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: You're good.
• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_04]: Oh Better together people.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm D. John's as J. T. Redgige and say black man.
• 0:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: We just have real conversations from a real place That often times gives us revelation in a in a real way.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: How y'all feeling?
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling great, man.
• 0:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling great, man.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm feeling a little
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: But instead of the yellow, that's what I'm feeling.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or big boys say feeling good, feeling great.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Plains nowhere is as I tell them.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Everything is good.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's a good.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: The weather depped out on us a little bit.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's got a little too hot too quick for me.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now it gave us two days of this good chill outside.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: If I eat three more days, it is always weird.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: Give me two more months.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: I came in the house and that AC was all I said.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: Hey, man.
• 0:53
  [SPEAKER_04]: I said, who turned it though?
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: He just said, it was, it was an alien in my office.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: Hmm, do you have to work in your office?
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: I still don't know what, I'll come sit in his house.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: Right now we, we're going over there, we'll take an AC break over there.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: Over there, man.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't want to jump into it.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: Let's jump into it, man.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_04]: We kind of everything kind of setting it up.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_04]: We roll it, this is not a monthly show.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: I made that announcement, and then it became a monthly show.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: But we added now, better together like share subscribe.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_04]: Thank you for the feedback if you're catching this on.
• 1:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: social media platform go to the long for more YouTube we over there having a real good time you get more context and you know still drop your comment where you are wherever you are but come over to the long for back by popular demand the most popular risk of demand so I want to I want to have a conversation about putting away foolish states
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_04]: Putting away the foolish things, man.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_04]: This is all we crossed the line.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: I told you that when I told you, we was y'all, we was teetering on it at the last, until it's towards the tail end of the last episode.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: If you haven't seen that, what you don't want your life, go check that out.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_04]: That would be up so far if you asked the rest of us to guess, take black ones up so three.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, the man.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: Inside Joe, you had to go watch that to see that.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: Thanks.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: What, um, you know, we, we, we, we, we sub here and we don't claim to be experts.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_04]: I like to think of myself as a relatable example, sorry, um, and you know, there's some, you know, it's an accountability show.
• 3:05
  [UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_04]: Foolishness, man.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: Had his run, ran his course.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_04]: Well, hasn't, sure though.
• 3:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: There was a foolish thing that should have run his course by now that we just can't stop.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: Won't stop.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever we justify till ourselves the reason it's still present.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever the justification is, however right or wrong it is.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: into the day is still present.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times a foolish thing is a distraction.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times it's an indulgent, the indulgent.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times it can be a learned behavior, a past-down tradition.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: that was instilled enough that we didn't know what's being instilled so deeply within us.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that came a time or a point.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Again, catch a previous episode.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: You'll see Rears break that thing down, man, because we don't talk about brother missing a car in right now.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I have a amen, amen, amen.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: We go.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're going to stay right there in the pocket with it right now, or, but just my initial before going too deep with it, but before we get deep in the episode,
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: something that's that's perhaps we think is not foolish because it was given to us by dead Uncle Mom grandmother, so you go turn the corner early.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, okay.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: He jumped after that.
• 4:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: He turned the corner early.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm handing it out.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's me.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's all because I mean, I think I think that's what I was asking.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: Are you talking about past, present, of future?
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like I think it which you answer.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm putting away all of the above.
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, and like
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: I think putting away full of things is an ongoing thing, bro, like, because, you know, some of us are running on some programs that ain't been deprogrammed and they didn't turn into viruses, you know what I'm saying?
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: So, um, I think putting away full of things, bro, is seasonal and it's ongoing.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I mean, take me a little sip of water.
• 5:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: And let me spray that one.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Get the grill.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to keep getting my brains clean.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I want to hear me with the deep kids.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want my warm and braises and deep kids.
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I'm proud about the job.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to do it like Joe has.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'll keep spraying it right there.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I shouldn't have this way.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: You need to know where to come from.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's out of the keys, man.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Might be a true spray.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it might be.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Might be.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: On my feet, man.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: One foolish man that I have, that's a continuation to do is a instant gratification, who can pivot the hardest?
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's what we do.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's what we're okay.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_05]: So Joe T, let me ask you, are you saying that's the foolish thing that you haven't put away?
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was a, I was a dope boy, you know what I'm saying?
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: That is the money, that fast money, you know what I'm saying?
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, cycle over relationships, you know what I'm saying?
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Jumping into another time, just getting that same filler, never getting in tune with the emotional side of myself or the woman, just, you know, just instant gratification.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Uh, so that's a foolish thing.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know it's a continuation too.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Be conscious of, are you just doing that?
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Are you just warning because it's going to feel the right now?
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you're going to resent that later.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, big one for me is that wordsmiths, that wordsmiths using my words in a specific way to be able to say that I said a thing, but I know how I said the thing was slicing the dice.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: Was slicing the dice.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: I want to throw a wrinkle.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, the sheep ball, that would be this for me.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if I get, whether that starts wanting to get it out, what about a relationship?
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Hmm.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I say that because I will talk about that blue ear.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, no.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Watch this though.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: In the aspect of in the past I've had to be run away from a thing.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: when they'd loan longer served me.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it was in my best interest not to be there.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: And relationship with a woman, I had that scenario.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: And three jobs that I had had to fire me to get me from up there.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: It wasn't for me anymore.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had bigger, better things I was supposed to be doing.
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: But I would not, because it was instilled in me, so you don't quit a job.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you, that's your reputation, that's who you are.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: If, if that's what you had and you committed and told those people that you were there to do a job, you do a job, you don't quit a job, especially without another some else.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you got another opportunity lined up, you line that up first and then you transition.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: that didn't really align with what was going on at the time.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I grew the space at these jobs and had school on the horizon or travel or whatever the case is that would have benefited my household more so than being at that job.
• 8:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had to fire me to get from over there.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: So
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: relationship my first marriage and I know a lot of people not going like you we know such thing as a marriage don't work for you anymore that's not the way that's designed because of the covenant that it is and of God and the promise you made the God there's a pastor that told me if your first spouse didn't die you still married and no such thing as a divorce I disagree we had
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if that thing, oh, if there was abuse of that was God bless you and keep you, that goes back to I live my life, I got one life.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: My life has to align with what my journey with God is.
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: If my tie to you in this relationship, hinders my relationship with God and my dear supposed to stay there.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's guy's daughter.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, remember that episode.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: Tell him, it's right.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: Number's right, not your job to fix her.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's guy's daughter.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_04]: Well, it hit, like, okay, we're gonna, that's crankle cut the whole potato in.
• 9:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: Let's all, I hear you stand on the tone of foolishness if your marriage was an act of foolishness,
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: commit to that foolishness like it was never of God we we'd like to throw we like to throw that in there when it's convenient because for those that believe they believe that all of the is of God because you got married for a lot of a lot of a lot of relationships are operating on that back in booky
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: You ain't even really you ain't even put the diamond test on it until after you got married.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like you know what I'm saying?
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like you didn't even, you didn't even know you ain't even know you married a cute big Zaconie or she don't know she, she married a fool of who gays it because and that's why I believe and this just, you know, just kind of pick it back and on what Jay said.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: I believe the divorce rate is what it is.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: because people entered into a non-God-called covenant.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like you have to, somebody has to, somebody has to be able to, even in pre-marital counseling or whatever the case may be, bro.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: You have to have a level of discernment to hear from God pre-marriage to know if it's of God.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_05]: And I think that's where we lack, and that goes back to where we talked about a couple episodes too.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like the ideology of marriage is what we are so dull.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: And we sold on this this character that we call so made.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_05]: Instead of finding out, man, it God, are you calling me to this thing?
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, so deep probably tired of my theory on this, but I, the, the whole.
• 11:39
  [SPEAKER_04]: three marital counseling is a force in most cases.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've decided I'm going to marry this person.
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: Let's go check the box.
• 11:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: Brother the N' already split the money on the rain, sister the N' already told everybody is happening.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: You're down the path.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_04]: If people were honest about how much of I do actually happen,
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: For the sake of avoiding embarrassment versus the actual confirmation that this is something that suppose to happen, I think the results would be astounding.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Holy cow, here was heaven.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: Bro's head of thought, and I'm going to ask the question to the panel, and I want to all three gentlemen to answer this question, be it a wedding or an opportunity of a lifetime.
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: If God told you 24 hours before go time, that this is a note, no, you shutting it down or you going with it.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: Shut it down.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: no matter what it is.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_05]: If it's clear from most has a whole type, but this is also what I what I told you a couple episodes.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's the beauty of where you are in life.
• 12:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, if I was 22 when I got married, I don't know if my answer still the same.
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: It isn't mine.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's not.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know, I'm saying, I'm still going to jump the phone because because again,
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: We see when you're in a place in your 20s, where I got to wear it by this point, my family, I got to wear it by the air by the hood, I didn't got all my homies, got these Tuxitos, all this type of stuff.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, that's, and that's why man, my advice to anybody, bro, if you ain't 35, man, don't really, don't really get caught up in what people telling you in some, some biological clock, because exactly what Joe TJ said is a decision.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_05]: based on putting away foolish things.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: That you don't put away a lot of foolish things and including trying to impress mom and daddy, trying to impress, keeping up with the Jones is, and making sure, see, I got married at 23, 24.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: And so your question, then, I'm still gonna get married.
• 13:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: I did it.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: I did it.
• 13:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: I absolutely had the most transparent conversation even to this day that I've ever had with my father in life and all of the cases that he made and presented.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I moved forward and married her anyway and everything he said was going to happen happened to the tea.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Just like he said in this, it's going to be this, it's going to turn into this, it's going to turn into this, it's going to be weaponized, this is going to be used to get you and now you're going to be miserable and you're going to this is going to affect the rest of your life because there's children involved.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Everything he told me happened exactly how he said it, but I still went forward with it.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: So again to your point.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: My answer today is not the same answer at 22, because the understanding of those foolish things needed to be put away, I was need deep in foolishness at 22.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: My early 20s, things that I should have put away when I was 20, you couldn't pay me good money to put them away.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: And my relationship with God wasn't at a place where my discernment, right?
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: wouldn't have told me, God said, don't get married.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: No, I didn't have that, I didn't have that kind of relationship with God.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_05]: And in my 20s period, I had religion.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't have religion.
• 15:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: I had the ideology of being a Christian for following God.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: I was, I was like they say and dominoes, I was following soup.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: I, you, you, or, or in space, man, you played the dime and I played the dime.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: You played the hard, I played the hard.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: So the beauty of even where we are now when it comes to foolish things is that we didn't got to live through a lot of experiences that tell us, it's time to put that foolishness away.
• 15:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: And you got to be open to, you got to be open to why it's Council.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: and got to know what I was gonna face.
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_04]: Can I have access to what I was council?
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: all the above can't be in the comments getting on to it's about the way to go that out there.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm talking about capital.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, you talk about why not somebody who's not somebody wife counsel.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, we we we we we talk about that.
• 16:16
  [SPEAKER_04]: Anyway, I want to wait, wait, wait, wait, talk about that man, what the one I guess, right man, but even when you said following soup,
• 16:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: The ideology of a timeline is what my mind went, and I didn't feel pressure, but I didn't think anything else of it because that was the standard of my family.
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: Nobody said you should be this by that.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: Those were the examples that I saw.
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: My parents got married when they were 22 and 26 and something like that.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: My sisters, I think she was
• 16:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: The math should be easy because she did it right before I graduated high school.
• 16:53
  [SPEAKER_04]: Although she graduated college to get before and had some of the braces.
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_04]: She just needed to get married right before I graduated high school on a way.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_04]: She just needed to do that.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: She just needed to do that.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_04]: She just needed to do that.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_04]: She's been a cool year, it's been a cool year, but it's been a cool year.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_04]: But love my sister, but I didn't have any that was no other reference other than like, this is what happens.
• 17:19
  [SPEAKER_04]: So it's like how much of your decision is based on those ideologies of those.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: Would you see whether it's explicit and implicit?
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like nobody was telling me my dad had a conversation like are you sure about this?
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like we said, it wasn't about not getting married.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: He was asking a real question.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_04]: And at that time, like that's what I knew.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: So to your point in terms of being, I don't even know that there's an age, I think that that people need to consider, um, do they really understand the magnitude of a covenant?
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think you can understand the magnitude of a covenant covenant in any aspect of life if you don't have a genuine relationship with the king.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's my personal opinion because
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's good.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: All the decisions that you make, if you're doing them based on upbringing, pressure, whatever the case may be, that's going to be, are you talking to God?
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Are you getting, are you going before the throw and asking?
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not only are you asking, are you really paying attention to what, what you know he would want it to look like for you.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: because when you talk about covenant, you also tell them how unconditional love, you're not finding a perfect partner and don't use God as your excuse when it's going bad.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or you don't feel good in the situation at their time.
• 18:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: It may be a storm.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're saying, I'll just happen because we're never supposed to be in the other.
• 18:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Then we have the conversation about the most high.
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you go to therapy, you go to counseling, even in your counseling, counseling, where were you at the throne seeing what's what and how do I need to love this person?
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do I need to explain to this person how to love me because we are about to get married and both of us are broken.
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't care how much healing you have done.
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're about to marry into each other's family.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're about to, man, five, six years, body fluctuating.
• 19:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: One person may be growing faster than any other.
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Six may not be the same.
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: What do you include God in him conversations?
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you don't have the mindset to know the do that before,
• 19:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: I mean, you said yourself or for a recipe for a disaster and that's one of the, that's, that's a key point JOT because I believe what you're explaining is, is a mature relationship with Christ, too, though.
• 19:58
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's why I kind of put a number on it because obedience comes with maturity, right?
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_05]: Because God might tell you, don't go to that party.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: So if you aim mature not enough to go to the party, you show aim mature enough to say, I'm not going to get married, you know what I'm saying?
• 20:15
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's the thing about putting away full of things because even even in the physical, there's a part of you that is not mature enough to not just hear from God, but be obedient to what you hear.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, that's the part that
• 20:36
  [SPEAKER_05]: especially in in a relationship and especially when it comes to that's even like when you know people having key is early You know what I'm saying see guy probably told you don't go over there and hit that thing
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: But you still went over there and did it because God was trying to say listen man, that's because you're not ready for the child that that's going to do it you're not ready for you did what I'm saying so a lot of times bro it it's it's about
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_05]: it's about obedience more than it is about hearing from God.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, I don't think in my 20s, I was mature enough to obey God, say, don't get married after the engagements.
• 21:20
  [SPEAKER_05]: Don't get married, after y'all done playing his way in the 24 hours before.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, man, my answer is a thousand percent.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: I will still don't get married.
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely.
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: And why is this?
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: deeper than that to use that.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's the standard.
• 21:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: But the biggest foolish thing that needs to be put away is often tell people the worst person on planet the lie to is yourself.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: The biggest foolish thing that that even some don't get put away even before they leave this earth is not knowing yourself.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: There are people out here that actively have told themselves who they are.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's not you at all.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: You don't know yourself, so the conviction you think you have, it doesn't convince you because that's not even who you are on the first place.
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: You're telling yourself that,
• 22:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm a believer or I walk this way or even if you tell yourself you're non-believer, but it's certain things you still can't do because you still do actually have a conviction within you.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: You're more of a believer than you think you are or know you are.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: So the problem is you so called up in
• 22:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: not knowing yourself that the standards that you can abide by or shoot a buy buy don't apply because you don't know what that feels like or looks like because the person that you're trying to daily convince yourself in the mirror that you are don't even apply to you in the first place so as you walk in through and trying to figure that point out let's say for instance 35 you should have.
• 22:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: spiritual maturity.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: Perhaps you steal that's 50-year-olds that's making 19-year-old decisions.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: And when you go and have a conversation with them, they don't know where to begin.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because in their mind, they think they got it when I made it this far, God bless babies and fools.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: So because he protects babies and fools, just because you've made it to a milestone in life, doesn't mean that the decisions that you made and the right and the path that you took.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: You think his wisdom is grace, grace got you to 50, not the right decisions or the wisdom or the aspect of, now I know who I am and I, you can,
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: They're 65 year olds that get married for the fourth time, and still end up getting divorced, and they feel to realize what the comment denominator is.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes it's them.
• 23:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: They fall in love with the wedding, the honeymoon phase, and that new course meal.
• 23:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And they offer as soon as they call a need of all chains, time for some minutes.
• 24:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got to dry some.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: I need a whole new call.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got to crack in the love.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: I got to go do some minutes.
• 24:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: I love that you said grace because I was thinking about mercy, grace and mercy, that God extends this, doesn't justify our actions.
• 24:15
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's in spite of our actions.
• 24:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: So when you get to a place where you're blaming things on God because He allowed them to happen or because some perceived or seemingly good thing came out of it.
• 24:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: But God told you not to go over there and hit that, right?
• 24:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: You still got a reconciled with what your actions are and who you are, how you're developing and how you're maturing.
• 24:43
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's not a free pass to keep going against his word, his will, when he's being directly clear with you, just because you think something worked out in the past.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I think that's what that's what a, that's a very dangerous place to live is that
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_04]: It all worked out and then we look at those models as all working out without the benefit of conversations with the people that we perceive and worked out for.
• 25:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: And that's one glad we had these conversations is not to suggest that anybody should look at marriage as a negative thing.
• 25:20
  [SPEAKER_04]: You should understand what you're getting to.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_04]: If it's business, if it's related, the relationship that we're formed like these conversations
• 25:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: We may have had the benefit of seeing a piece of an experience, but we don't actually understand somebody's real experience.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: You saw your parents come out of the room, hugging and kissing, but you heard something there.
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: What was that about?
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: I don't worry about that.
• 25:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: You get over it and you develop a mindset that that point is not important.
• 25:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's more important with demonstrated in these small moments
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: moments of awareness when you're in a public eye of how things are transpiring.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: I want my children to understand, get that in one perfect.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_04]: Your mama won't perfect.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: You need to understand that you're marrying as an imperfect person.
• 26:18
  [SPEAKER_04]: Somebody, like you said, that's imperfect.
• 26:20
  [SPEAKER_04]: And two halves don't make a hole.
• 26:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: The math don't math when they come here.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: What?
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what happened with Abraham, man.
• 26:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what happened with Abraham, man.
• 26:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: He clearly heard.
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: The boys are the most high of the promising that he was going to have to say because of the age that he was questioning that, say, retold him, hey, go over and do that.
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: What, hey, Garth, it's me and like you said, a good thing came out of it, clearly because the scripture, he said, I'm going to steal blessed it.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: The most high still took responsibility of the action, grace extended and then still turn
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: is where the promise is at.
• 27:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of time, we want to move on conditioning.
• 27:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is this really what it is?
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you do the foolish thing.
• 27:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then the foolish thing happened, and then guy hitting you with, and then ain't no.
• 27:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is what I told you to do.
• 27:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And this is what was going to bring forth what I have for you.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
• 27:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not what you eyes were looking at what you were thinking, what your parents thought, what your people thought, what your friends saw for you, what did I see for you?
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't go have an ish meal because you didn't have to.
• 27:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And even then they got the, but you know what I'm saying?
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_05]: in disobedience.
• 27:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yes, you see it.
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm saying so.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_05]: So even in my grace, you still win against the the instruction.
• 28:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: But also, like you were talking about a minute ago, Deja.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_05]: Abraham didn't become entitled to God's grace.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: He didn't say like, man, I'm just going to keep going over here.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: And knocking off other chicks into the baby.
• 28:18
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, no, no, no.
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_05]: At some point, you have to decide you're going to have to wait on Sarah, like I told you to.
• 28:26
  [SPEAKER_05]: Quit looking at the age, quit looking at the circumstances, quit looking at
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: putting away foolish things, bro, means killing that flesh to the point where you can say, I'm going to do what God is asking me to do, despite the circumstances, despite what I see, despite what I don't see.
• 28:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: And that's what I do.
• 28:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: agree with when it comes to pre-marital counseling, I don't think a lot of times those services are set up to identify the deterrent from marriage.
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: You see what I'm saying?
• 29:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, sometimes I don't think they ask in the hard question to say, do y'all should
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_05]: Well, no, I'm saying that's because I believe just knowing you this short time.
• 29:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: you got the discernment to pick the right person.
• 29:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: See a lot of time people going to check the box and say we got pre-marital cat.
• 29:37
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's what I'm saying.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: Instead of saying somebody, let me go pick somebody that's going to challenge me.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's going to challenge whether we should get married or not.
• 29:46
  [SPEAKER_05]: And what's going to identify the deal breakers or the real flags we talked about a couple of episodes ago.
• 29:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, bro, if you haven't, and I was guilty of this, bro,
• 30:00
  [SPEAKER_05]: But you need why it's counsel, the comment section.
• 30:07
  [SPEAKER_05]: You need it.
• 30:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right.
• 30:08
  [SPEAKER_05]: Maybe why it's counsel to even be able to identify what your deal breakers are.
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm saying?
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, if you don't have a parent or a grandparent or an elder, to tell you like, listen man, if this, if you don't see these things,
• 30:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm not telling you not to marry them.
• 30:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm just saying, like, might want to hold off.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: If you don't see these things in you, if you don't see it, and this is what I'm saying.
• 30:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: You lie ready.
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: Even with the even with the child scenario.
• 30:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: God telling you, like, don't go over there and test that woman because I don't see parents who it in you.
• 30:49
  [SPEAKER_05]: I don't see great things.
• 30:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: I see, I might see great things in Ishmael.
• 30:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: He might be, he might be a gift to child.
• 30:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: You're going to be a piss profile there though.
• 30:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: Oh.
• 31:01
  [SPEAKER_05]: That's all I'm trying to do.
• 31:03
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't say it in you.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_04]: The foolishness in our mature phases, something that they have worked their way to a place where they're deserving of certain things.
• 31:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: And those things might not look like what they have access to in their homes, right?
• 31:29
  [SPEAKER_04]: You can apply whatever, let your mind run wherever it wants to go there.
• 31:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: But you can really convince yourself that you're deserving of a thing because of some works that you've done or how you've been celebrated in other areas and really like fool yourself.
• 31:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: Anybody fool themselves?
• 31:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: Believe me, so I'm there wasn't.
• 31:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, and that allows we'll put away your foolish pride.
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, that's pride telling you.
• 32:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: I deserve XYZ in those scenarios.
• 32:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Think about this.
• 32:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm glad you said it was this.
• 32:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't care.
• 32:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's not a break of it.
• 32:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's say.
• 32:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: You are happily married husband at home and you go home and you feel like my wife just not wifeen, like what I've seen, wifeen looks like.
• 32:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now you feel like I come home, old school, I'm not saying me just playing navigate to your people.
• 32:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: There should be a hot tub of water waiting on me, a plate with a beverage sitting on the table waiting on me, hugging the kids at the door, walking me and shap around me, pulling my coat off my shoulders, and walking me through the home as the king that I am.
• 32:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's say you're in your mind, that's what you're deserving of, as a father, as a husband.
• 32:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it's just not taking place at the house.
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's say, the village shoots this commercial about.
• 33:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I just don't understand these modern women these days because if I had a, you know, know what you're doing because you don't have it, that's what we miss.
• 33:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: If I had a husband coming home to me every day, high-turbo water, play the food on the table, jack it off at the door.
• 33:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Not knowing you may have never said this in front of this lady before in your life, that any of me heard you know, and planted that seed over there.
• 33:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: That lady don't even know why she's saying that I'm like, say this.
• 33:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now, that's tickling yo here because that's the thing of your heart of heart that you've convinced yourself, you're deserving of, you convinced yourself, you're deserving of.
• 33:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now you hit this commercial over here.
• 33:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now I'm looking out the window, but I'll let stuff I feel like I'm missing over in my yard show show said it was over there across the street.
• 33:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: I might need to go see if that's a lie or not here's the issue.
• 34:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: that person don't know you and perhaps that is how that person would operate until they met you and you show them something that they're on the same page.
• 34:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean you have at home you're not deserving of the things that you've convinced yourself you're deserving of and you can take that and apply that in the workforce corporate I think this was being my third elevation at this point
• 34:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: two promotions by now.
• 34:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: These people playing with me McDonald's Kyle, they say if I come over there, they're going to make me the CFO.
• 34:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: I've been over here crunching numbers for these for Burger King for two years.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 34:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 34:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Not knowing that you get over there and now this corporation.
• 34:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you really don't understand what the basics of accounting is.
• 34:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: And we watched you on paper.
• 34:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: your diligent, you've had this job.
• 34:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: Timing great in this marriage for 15 years.
• 35:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Timing great, I am thinking Europe.
• 35:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: You've got to be a great husband.
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: That woman wouldn't get you 15 years in that marriage.
• 35:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you're not a great husband, look at the things you guys have accumulated together.
• 35:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: Only to know toleration ship is a toleration ship by the grace of and
• 35:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: You're riding to the core version of a husband or a wife or a accountant for a firm.
• 35:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever the case is, that you feel like you've convinced yourself, I'm killing it on the deceit council and that experience sees in council, sits you down and have a real life, authentic transparent assessment, babe, I've been watching you.
• 35:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I hear you walking around being your chest talking about your situation at that job, just ain't working out for you.
• 35:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: I watched you call in three times last month because you went out of town with your homeboys for the weekend.
• 35:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't say nothing, but then you had to audacity.
• 35:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: You came back from a full day weekend.
• 35:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: You called the infrient, called the and Monday and told me you want to know people all this Tuesday and told them you need to read.
• 36:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: I would fire you if that was my corporation.
• 36:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: This coming from your season.
• 36:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: They don't have anything again.
• 36:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: I lose my share and he starts with you.
• 36:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: So they don't keep it funky with you.
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then that crush your little heart, and your pride, because here you are thinking, man, I'm on the verge of being the president of this dog on time, man, let alone the CFO.
• 36:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm asking you for the CFO.
• 36:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't even tell you to give me the presidency, like what I really truly deserve, only to find out that you shouldn't even be in the mail room.
• 36:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, somebody to do with that information, you have to put that pride away, and adjust to it.
• 36:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now that I commit this thing a different way, because I'm not what I thought I was, maybe that's why I'm not receiving.
• 36:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: the payout if you we that I think I should have because I'm I'm a perfect upstanding husband.
• 36:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm the I'm the opposite fool in that scenario.
• 36:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm the deserving one.
• 36:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'll say that from a prideful place, but I most definitely know I put work in areas where I where I know certainly I'm I'm.
• 37:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm expecting reciprocated, then I've played the fool in many roles where I wasn't getting what I deserve, you know, and I kept playing the fool versus thinking to myself, I'd hold on while I...
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I did, I do deserve it, so I played the fool.
• 37:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I got, I got played, yeah.
• 37:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: But, and that's a hard thing to do.
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a hard thing to, first you admit to yourself, because that's a low self-esteem.
• 37:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a lack of the confidence that you show that people think you that you have.
• 37:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And really, you attach your thing yourself to people and things that really,
• 37:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: What a most high show you yo intern yo was going on with you internally.
• 37:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Is there you accepting the list because you really feel you're the list.
• 38:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
• 38:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: you continue to play the fool because deep that you don't believe you who you say you are.
• 38:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So you in rooms and spaces where you have in a constantly ask yourself these questions because you ain't fixing what's born on with you.
• 38:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Loss my hair mess with my confidence.
• 38:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I wouldn't approach women the way that I would before.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I catch myself coming down.
• 38:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: I played a fool.
• 38:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's so many different ways I could explain this and from personal experience where I had to say, may hello.
• 38:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I am, I'm a child of the king, like I do deserve these things, but why is it that you keep turning it down or not in yourself as if you don't, why you keep letting everybody else play you and you see it, you see it clearly, what is it, matter of fact, why once you
• 39:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: little bomb or give so much of yourself.
• 39:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then look up and say, it's happening again.
• 39:17
  [SPEAKER_05]: Or he wrote and fellas, let me let me give all the all the homies out there a little nugget.
• 39:27
  [SPEAKER_05]: What Joe T is talking about is what he deserves.
• 39:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: A lot of times I think
• 39:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: We don't know the difference between what we expect versus what we deserve.
• 39:40
  [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, you can when I'm saying okay and a lot of times you think what you expect is what you deserve.
• 39:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right.
• 39:50
  [SPEAKER_05]: See, if I go to work and I work 40 hours, I deserve my chip.
• 39:54
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yes.
• 39:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: But if I go to work and I work 20 hours and I expect my full check, you expectancy is off.
• 40:02
  [SPEAKER_05]: And what happens is a lot of times, and especially in relationships, man, we have this unexpressed expectancy that we think we deserve, right?
• 40:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: So what I'm hearing, Joe T say is like, I deserve certain things in these spaces.
• 40:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: But what we have to be careful about is being able to decipher the tube.
• 40:29
  [SPEAKER_05]: what what Jay was talking about is I speck dinner and tub, and but what but what if you've never expressed that or again, what if your character don't align with that like man, you might just be a horrible inactive just just a terrible uh a spouse, right?
• 40:53
  [SPEAKER_05]: How do you deserve that because you expect it?
• 40:57
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, I'm a big believer in deserved reciprocation, but we got to be careful at some time.
• 41:09
  [SPEAKER_05]: We don't expect a certain response and then we don't get it.
• 41:14
  [SPEAKER_05]: Now that triggers that that that that foolishness that you ain't put away and I promise you, I'm not I'm not speaking to anybody outside of myself.
• 41:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: That would see sometimes, man, my expectancy makes me react in a way that that causes that foolishness to be activated, because I expected a certain response or I respected something.
• 41:43
  [SPEAKER_05]: I expected something that I might not necessarily deserve that particular point.
• 41:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: How do you get to a place of recognizing the difference?
• 41:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: Because as simply as you put that, I think it's pretty profound and probably strikes the core with a bunch of people that are just hearing it, or just accepting it.
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: How do you position yourself to receive the difference?
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: design, I think, I think, man, based on whatever relationship you're talking about, whether that's a spouse or whether that's a business partner or whether that's with your children, like, bro, it's about the relationship.
• 42:38
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, there's no way for me to give somebody specifically an answer to how you know what you deserve, it's just based on the relationship.
• 42:48
  [SPEAKER_05]: Again, with the job, I put the 40 hours in.
• 42:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: you see them saying that's if I got to explain to you more than that, but this probably the wrongs up.
• 42:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I think of another thing that a play heavily in that is a a thorough honest self-assessment, because as you were saying that, as Joutil was saying about, I deserve this, and I'm in a situation that's not meeting what I deserve.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: dead in a nutshell, sums up my first man, which goes back to how did you write that out?
• 43:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why did you stay in that?
• 43:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because this is a marriage.
• 43:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Nobody says that everything, everything that points or speaks on marriage and I'm not bashing marriage, I love marriage with the right woman, right way.
• 43:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: right situation, which is my wife, not meaning that it has to be perfect, it's just that that thing is so right that I'm going to work and do what it takes for that to be because I'm this my forever place now and I understand the difference.
• 43:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: So in the deserving portion of it, I'm self-assessing.
• 43:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then it's like, go have a conversation.
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now I sit her down, having thorough conversation about what is it that you need in life to make you thrive?
• 44:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: In this marriage, this relationship, your personal health, your mental health, what makes you tick in a way that when you wake up in the morning and you go to bed and now you feel fulfilled?
• 44:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: What am I doing as a husband?
• 44:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Am I meeting your needs and expectations?
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: So if you're having these thorough conversations,
• 44:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then now you go back, come back to the drawing board.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I had this conversation.
• 44:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's time to go implement.
• 44:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's a lot of times we have thorough.
• 44:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: We've been taught how to have these thorough conversations, but we're missing the implementation phase.
• 44:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: You now have to just like a good teacher in the church.
• 44:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: You'll tell you, I just gave that to you.
• 44:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you don't lead this door and use it and apply it, I just wasted my time.
• 44:46
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now I have to go apply whatever you gave me in that conversation.
• 44:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Even if it made me uncomfortable, if you did point out two of shortcomings that I have, I have to make a decision.
• 44:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: Do I adapt in a dress those shortcomings in change?
• 45:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: or do I say, no, it's just not realistic.
• 45:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: You're not actually looking at what I'm doing.
• 45:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever that outcome is though, I have to actively, so after so many sessions of that, now it's time for the self assessment.
• 45:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know I've done the work.
• 45:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know I've put it in.
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know I've checked.
• 45:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know you know this is where my mind and my heart and my head is.
• 45:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: And this is still your behavior towards me, towards this relationship.
• 45:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, that's how, in my opinion, it's a way that you know that I know I deserve these things because I know for a fact, I met you where you are.
• 45:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: When you are a servant, the most high going all the way is exposed to them.
• 45:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: When you are last somewhere, where you're not getting what you deserve.
• 45:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because I come in to serve no matter what it is or who it is.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: over time he going all ways exposed that season up and I still get what I deserve because I got to listen like I said on my day like I got I've learned to feel everything because even in a certain being a servant you're going to get misused.
• 46:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're going you're going encounter some things that feel like betrayal set you up for later on
• 46:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: knowing I'm doing everything that I supposed to do in that trusting that when I am not getting what I deserve, he'll show me my exit.
• 46:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: That's good.
• 46:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: That's real good.
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: The way that say black ended his point was why I wanted to go in the way you ended it.
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know if there's a reason to stay there much long, but I say this
• 46:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: when you're deserving again.
• 46:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: If you know you've been in the place where you were undeserving, that has to be acknowledged, you gotta do the work.
• 47:02
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like you said, you have to demonstrate that behavior over time to where it is clear.
• 47:08
  [SPEAKER_04]: It is not all you for the other person to accept that you've changed a behavior or it's even acknowledging.
• 47:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: But when you know,
• 47:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't stay tied to your undeserving period beyond the due recovery of that period.
• 47:24
  [SPEAKER_04]: When you're on the other side of that thing, and it's not that the wrong U.D.
• 47:31
  [SPEAKER_04]: it goes away if you've become a different person operate as the different person.
• 47:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't keep yourself shackled to that person of the past, because that's what that'll end the pinning on the nature that environment, that environment will constantly remind you of the person you were.
• 47:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: You just wrap in the protocol.
• 47:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: So.
• 47:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: He took his inheritance went out and when he came to his senses, the monkeys still put him back in his rifle place of what he deserved the whole time.
• 48:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 48:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: The world, it exposed this ain't what I deserve.
• 48:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Even though you put yourself up in that because you wanted to go there, a lot of time, your choice is the, you know where you, you know where to go, where you deserve, you know where to go, where you deserve.
• 48:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think.
• 48:18
  [SPEAKER_04]: To a D, man, I think we had a good time, man.
• 48:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: Any clothes and thoughts?
• 48:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Be mindful, and I know that hadn't come up a lot, but often you hear me say at what cost.
• 48:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Be mindful of what you're clinging to and not willing to relinquish or release because at what cost do you want to keep that grip?
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes you'll see a mean where there's a person holding
• 48:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: and they bleed and they just won't let it go.
• 48:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: And they like this, my life line, they've convinced themselves that this grip this hold on this pain is all they know if I let this go, my father and collapse, but you're standing on solid ground, that's the one thing trying to pull you over the cliff.
• 49:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's burning your hand, ripping your hand, and pulling you over the cliff.
• 49:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let it go and be stable.
• 49:22
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, bro.
• 49:23
  [SPEAKER_05]: I think mine is probably a challenge, man.
• 49:25
  [SPEAKER_05]: Whatever in this season that foolish thing is, I identify it and start working on putting that thing away, man.
• 49:34
  [SPEAKER_05]: Like, that's why I say that I believe is ongoing and the the easiest way to attack it in this season is to identify, man, and put some things in place to be intentional about saying, listen, I'm gonna put that away.
• 49:52
  [SPEAKER_05]: Especially in certain areas, you know what I'm saying?
• 49:56
  [SPEAKER_05]: I'm just gonna make you a better man.
• 49:59
  [SPEAKER_05]: If it's gonna make you a better husband, if it's gonna make you a better father, better business person, like you saying, even better with your finances man, like I identified that thing and put it to bed.
• 50:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: a lot of time and the foolish thing.
• 50:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a challenge to your flesh.
• 50:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever's hard for you to quit doing, now time is the foolish thing that you hold on to.
• 50:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And be true to yourself.
• 50:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I love being true to me.
• 50:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, for facts and regards to the rule that I'm in, you know, not like, I'm true to me.
• 50:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, they, they love like a league.
• 50:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is who I am, you know what I'm saying?
• 50:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm working, I'm progress and I'm getting better.
• 50:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I ain't saying it except my flaws.
• 50:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I'm true to me though, yeah.
• 50:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would say, um,
• 50:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Stop celebrating being the coolest fool in a room.
• 50:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a flex.
• 51:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: Better together, episode five.
• 51:03
  [SPEAKER_04]: We appreciate you guys God bless your peace.
• 51:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Peace.