Latest / Sometimes There's Side Eye / STSE# 86: Finding the Wins!

Transcript

STSE# 86: Finding the Wins! · Sometimes There's Side Eye

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Welcome to Sometimes Their Side Eye, a podcast about two friends
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having real and unfiltered conversations about dogs and
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people. Listen as we talk about our
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lives with dogs, training, behavior, share some laughs and
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a whole lot of banter. I'm Heather.
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And I'm Christy, what are we talking about this week,
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Heather? This week is inspired by
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positivity. I brought it to Christy and said
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I think we need to do an episode where we talk only positively
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about ourselves as dog owners and dog trainers.
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Ironically, at the same time I was having this thought, Christy
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sent me a Facebook post. Here we go.
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It's always like something for Facebook social media.
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And that said, it was a little meme that said, I don't know who
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needs to hear this, but younger you would think current dog
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handler you is an absolute icon. And I thought that was so cool
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because it went right in line with what I was thinking for
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this episode. So that's what we're going to
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do. And hopefully it makes people
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have warm fuzzies about themselves and their dogs.
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Yeah, absolutely. I think so often we are our own
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worst critics. And then I think this world of
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social media has also made everyone else a critic as well.
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And so we see people bashing on maybe not us, maybe we're not
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public figures, but things that we do that's similar to somebody
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who is a social media influencer.
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And then we see all the comments saying like, you're stupid,
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you're terrible. That's not how you do it.
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Or, you know, on on a video that's really supposed to be
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positive. I think we could get into that
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rut of, well, I could do it better, or watching those really
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good trainers and thinking, well, I'm not that good.
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But I think that there's a lot of good that we do day in and
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day out with our dogs and for our dogs that we just don't
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always recognize or take time to sit with.
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And so I'm hoping by doing some of that, taking that time and
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sitting with that, I'm hoping that inspires other people to
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self reflect in a positive way on themselves.
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I agree. I mean, I think that chances are
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if you are taking the time to listen to our podcast, you are
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already doing so many things that are right for your dog,
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that there is plenty to celebrate.
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And because that means that you're really invested in dog
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and dog life. I do think about all of the
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different ways that we try our best to do right by our dogs.
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And I also really think that the intent is important.
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So I was having a conversation with a friend last week who's
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working through some medical stuff with their dog.
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And she is her intent is to do the right thing.
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And so she's like constantly questioning, you know, is this
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right? Is it the right call?
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Is it the right call for this dog?
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Maybe it wasn't the right call for another dog.
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What are your thoughts? What are you doing for your dog?
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Because both of our like I was referencing Tiago, her dog and
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my and Tiago are having some similar issues, maybe from a
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different reason. And we're just sitting there,
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her intent to even sit there and discuss with me, is she doing
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right by her dog? I mean, we should be celebrating
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even thinking about it. You know what I'm saying?
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I don't know if I'm, I'm doing a good job articulating what I
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mean, But you care so much that you're that you're bothered and,
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and wondering, am I doing the right thing?
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That is that. That is there's so much love
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there. That alone is positive.
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And you're not even physically doing anything in that moment,
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but caring for your dog and wanting the right things for
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them. It's a big deal.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah, and I think sometimes after the fact, after a health
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issue or after a dog's been put to sleep, we, we question that
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so much like, well, did I do the right thing?
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And, but I think sometimes instead we need to sit with,
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wow, I really used all the tools that I had at hand and I made
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the best, most caring decision in the moment.
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And I know Heather and I have both talked about how we have
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regrets in, in past with past dogs waiting too long or but
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really when I think through it, I do now my, my mind has shifted
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to I really did the best with the information that I had at
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that time and for the dog that was in front of me.
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I made the best decision with the information I had and the
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understanding that I had in that moment.
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And the other piece is that those decisions are always made
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without malice. Those decisions are always made
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with love. And that is a very, very
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important distinction as well. So I don't know that I really
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intended like to to talk about that type of stuff.
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But it it does go right along with all of the behavioral wins,
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the training wins. The I survived my puppy's puppy
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teeth and shark biting. I walked my dog 6 paces without
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them having big feelings in a shopping area.
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I mean, there are so many ways to see positivity in how we live
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with our dogs every single day. And I would love for us to get
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to a point where we can lead with that instead of following
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with it because it just breeds more positivity.
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Maybe I'm having these feelings also because I'm on the I like
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train train. Maybe.
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I mean, I did have a real mind shift.
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Mind you, did shift. This year and she I mean this
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idea for this episode came from me training trend just so
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everyone knows because I have been working really hard with
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her in several different venues, but one of them is building her
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toy drive in the pool because I want her to be a duck diver.
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And I have recently had some things that have really come
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together. And I was in the pool with her
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the other day and I thought to myself, wow, like I built that
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that toy drive in her and I worked really hard and
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systematically, I put all that together.
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And no, I didn't have a specific training plan laid out, but I
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knew what my goal was. And I shifted and I moved and I
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got creative and I worked with what she gave me.
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And we're now to the point where I had really didn't expect us to
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be, which is her jumping off the side of the pool for a toy.
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And we work together to get there.
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And that is a super, super big deal.
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And it's very positive and I'm pretty proud of it.
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Yeah, I love that. And I I do think there are
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moments if you think through training that that you should be
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proud of. And I don't think we always
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recognize that in ourselves. One thing I'm really proud of in
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but throughout my fosters and and my own dogs is I've been
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able to recognize aversives that were not deemed diversive.
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So for example, with one of my fosters at the harness was
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incredibly aversive to him or I'm sorry to her and everyone
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said, well, she just it's not actually an aversive.
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So you just, it's fine, just put it on her.
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But it was really aversive to her.
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And I thought, well, why am I using this tool?
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If it's aversive to her, Why don't we just do something else?
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And the same with the clicker with Lucy.
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And, and so some of those situations where this is not an
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aversive tool, but it's aversive for this dog.
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I'm really proud of myself for recognizing when those tools
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were aversive for that individual and then finding a
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different plan that worked for that individual dog.
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Yeah, you are very good about stepping back and looking at the
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big picture and saying, well, yeah, it might be fine for 99%
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of the dogs or people, but it is not working for this dog or this
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person. And so that that comes from your
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mindset of leading with curiosity because just because
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it's what the norm is doesn't mean it's what the norm is for
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every single being. And so you are very good at
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that. I was thinking, I was reading a
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post that a friend made about her Papillon and she, her and I
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have done burn hunt training together and done, you know,
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spent a lot of time talking dogs and agility is her main sport.
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And this dog Cayenne is her name.
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Cayenne has been very inconsistent in her agility and
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sometimes she gets in the line and like off she goes and she's
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running like crazy and she's doing amazing and other times
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she's like, meh, I'm not feeling it.
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And her owner is an experienced agility handler.
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She runs like 7500 dogs. I don't even know.
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She runs like many, many dogs. She's very experienced.
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And she was kind of exploring what does this look like and,
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and how can I be creative? And she's tried so many things
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and all of a sudden it clicked in her brain that pressure is
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what is the aversive to Cayenne. And so if she has a routine and
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she does all these things and she's like too much, and then
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she puts her down and goes to run, there's times where Cayenne
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is just like, no, thank you. And before she, the owner would
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just ratchet up, right? We're like, well, they just need
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more of this and more excitement and more of this and more of
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that, right? Meanwhile, the dog's like,
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actually, no. But all of it.
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Yeah. And so she started just picking
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her up and like, not in any kind of bad way, just saying, OK,
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like you get to opt out. It made me think of cooperative
11:00
care. You are opting out, Right.
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And so she was having this whole discussion with other trainers
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and people saying like, yeah, this is this is a thing, I saw
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this with my breed, blah, blah, blah.
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And I text her and I said, you know, it's really interesting
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because I read somewhere or heard on a podcast, the dog
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decides what is too much. The dog decides what is
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pressure. I was just thinking about that
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conversation with her and the dog being able to decide and
11:33
then us responding in kind and how positive that can be for our
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relationship. And then it's like another thing
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where we're like doing right by our dog and, and that that being
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creative, that looking for a solution, that trying to build a
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plan around the dog in front of you.
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That is good shit. That is like super positive.
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If you are doing that for your dog, you are kicking butt, man.
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And that should be celebrated. That really should be
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celebrated. Yeah, yeah, you know there's
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there's lots of little moments I think I'm proud of with in my
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life with dogs saying no to some people coming up to to Lucy
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things like that, physically blocking her those types of
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things even when it's socially felt like this is tough.
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But even little things like pulling Jackson from the the
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crazy eights, the barn hunt when he was scared of the judge and
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just saying, OK, we're not I'm not doing this with him because
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he loves the sport and it's not worth $35 to have a bad
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experience and it and it wouldn't be worth $200 for him
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to have that experience. You know, if that's, that's
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where we were at, like, oh, well, you'll, you'll forfeit
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everything. OK, let's forfeit it then.
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Yeah. At the end of the day, I want
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him to have a good experience. And I, I am proud of that, that
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I will put his needs first. Absolutely.
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Sometimes not doing The thing is the positive thing.
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Yeah, absolutely. You saying?
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Like the little things made me laugh because remember the
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little clip I showed you of trend recalling at scent work
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practice? Oh yeah, so.
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Good. I, I just happened to get video.
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Trin and I were at scent work practice and we were in like a
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huge area doing a search off leash.
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And that would have caused me so much anxiety a year ago because
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I just didn't trust her to like be with me.
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I didn't feel our relationship was there in many ways.
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Not to say that just we weren't there and a friend videoed our
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scent work and all I gave a shit about on the whole video was
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literally the five seconds where Trim started going to the right
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and I recalled her and she did a snap 180 and came back to me.
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I probably watched that clip 20 times.
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It's such a small moment. That was like, Oh my God, we're
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getting some work. I could have cried about it and
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I think we Passover those what we think in the moment is
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insignificant that are a culmination of a lot of little
14:30
moments. That like.
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Are positive and should be celebrated.
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Yeah, there's a lot of training behind that that whip around.
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Yeah. And do I think she could do it
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like in harder circumstances? Don't know, don't care.
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That is not what we're talking about.
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She. Freaking did it and it was
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beautiful and I. Could care less.
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About anything else related to scent work that night, all I saw
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was that recall and that was so excited was on video so I can
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remember it. Yes, yeah.
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In fact, I had. My parents were over a couple
15:08
weeks ago and and somehow Jackson got out the front door.
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I can't remember exactly how, but he got to about the middle
15:17
of the yard and I called him back and he turned around and
15:20
came right back. And I immediately let Heather
15:24
know about it. Like I was so excited and so
15:27
proud about it. And then my dad said, well, can
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he just come out to the truck with me?
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I was like, no, he can't. That's not the dog he is.
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He will not stay with you. Like no.
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But I was so proud of that moment and it's find friends you
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can be proud of those with. Find find friends and people
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that will share those little moments with you and celebrate
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you because they know how much it means.
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Whether it took 20 steps to get there or one.
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A great moment is a great moment, like whatever you deem
16:04
as a win is a win and it continues those feel good
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feelings and all of that rolls downhill.
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Like we all live in a world that is so negative in so many ways,
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it can feel suffocating. And so I just, I don't know, I
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just want some like positivity and some light and I'm going to
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take it wherever I can get it. I will say that it has made me
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retreat to my dogs more and I'm feeling that that is a good
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thing. Yeah, I think one thing, too, is
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even in those little moments when you go to recognize
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yourself, it's so easy to undermine your own joy in it.
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So, you know, I was so proud of Jackson for coming back, but
16:57
immediately my brain said, but if there was a dog out there, he
17:01
wouldn't have come back. But if, like, this happened, he
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wouldn't have come back. If that happened, he wouldn't
17:06
have come back. Who cares?
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None of those cares. Who cares?
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That's not what we're celebrating.
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We're celebrating that this happened at this moment right
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now. Yep.
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And I'm excited about it. And absolutely, sometimes our
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brains are just wired to go into the negative or, you know,
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protect us from being overly joyful about things.
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But just recognize that and recognize that it's OK to
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celebrate those those little wins, the big wins and
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everything in between. Yeah, and sometimes you're
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celebrating the workshop areas on the way, you know, the small
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steps, you. Have.
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To you have to, I mean, the amount of steps that I put into
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getting Trenton to jump off the side of the pool, Endless,
17:55
endless, some in the pool, some out of the pool.
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I mean, so many steps. And I started swimming here at 8
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months old. She's going to be 3 this week.
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Holy crap. And we're just here, right?
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So it's finding joy in the journey.
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You're not just here, you're here.
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You've arrived here after all that work.
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That's so great. No, I meant like we just got
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here. Like, like we've arrived.
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Like, hey, we've arrived. Hey.
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And we're just gonna put the take that just out we.
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Just gone see look, uh huh. We have arrived, folks.
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Yeah, we have arrived. But it it's so awesome.
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And and I will say this, and I'm only saying this for like to
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recognize for other people, this is not the end of our goal,
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right? I want her to duck dive.
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This is part of my journey, but this is a huge freaking part.
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And there have been a lot of celebrations along the way that
18:58
have brought me to where I am now.
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And we're going to keep on celebrating because this is a
19:03
big deal. And I was thinking, like, in
19:06
this whole process, how I have said on the podcast and to you
19:12
before, Tiago makes me look good, like owning him and
19:16
training him makes me look good. And I got to tell you, in that
19:20
moment, I was like, fuck no, I did this.
19:23
Like I did this with her. But I made the plan.
19:27
I changed. I got creative, I regrouped, I
19:30
asked friends for help. I looked at videos.
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I did all the like, like I, we got us here together.
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But I was the cognitive part of that, you know?
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And I thought, well, damn, I did that.
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It's really cool. That is.
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That's amazing. Yeah.
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So I would say one other thing, I mean is if you're like, well,
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training maybe isn't that important to me, that's OK.
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There's other areas that you can recognize yourself in.
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Yes. Sample laughing at Lucy's
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shenanigans is something I'm proud of because I feel like it,
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really. Encapsulated our relationship
20:13
like she was a ham and a class clown and that created these
20:18
wonderful bonding memories. And guess what?
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She wasn't going to win any, you know, obedience titles with what
20:27
she was doing, but I allowed her to be her and I didn't take it
20:31
seriously. And I'm happy about that.
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You know, somebody else may say, like, well, you probably should
20:37
have done a little more. That's OK.
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That's for them and their dog, and that's OK for them and their
20:42
dog. But if that's something that
20:44
makes you proud, honoring who that dog is, that's OK too.
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It can be anything. It can be your training, but it
20:51
can also just be recognizing what your dog loves or who your
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dog is and on. Lucy knocking over agility signs
21:02
and putting her middle finger up to you is like a core memory,
21:06
literally for the rest of my life.
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Like, there are stories and things that happen that you just
21:14
will never forget in your lifetime, and that is absolutely
21:18
one of them. For sure.
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So I agree, find the joy and celebrate it wherever it is
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because even if it is knocking a rally sign, I mean, I had to do
21:29
that with Tater, right? I had to get to a point where I
21:32
was like, what are we and what are we not?
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And how hard am I going to fight against who he is and who I am
21:42
with him and our relationship, right?
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And figuring that out, sorting that out, brought me so much
21:52
joy. So much joy that when I retired
21:55
him from Barn Hunt, I cried like I didn't want to do it because
21:59
it was the right thing for him, but I was going to miss it so
22:04
much. And did he give me the middle
22:09
finger all the time? Very much so.
22:12
Did I leave that? Yep.
22:14
He is the bulldog. But I found so much joy in just
22:19
him being him. And if you ask people if we ran
22:24
out of the ring, whether we got zero rats or we got four, we
22:27
were smiling and running and jumping and you know what I
22:30
mean. And that shit's infectious, that
22:33
puts you in a good mood it it breeds that positivity.
22:37
And so sometimes it is hard to get to that place.
22:41
But there is a lot of joy to be had in recognizing a dog that is
22:45
spiced like that and so much sass and just being like Ari.
22:49
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Another one was when I had
22:59
Julius as a foster. I had to build food drive in and
23:04
that was something I'd never done.
23:06
And I was pretty, I I was pretty proud of myself for being able
23:11
to figure it out. Heck, yeah.
23:13
Going along and seeing what worked and what didn't and
23:16
figuring out how I could make it work for him.
23:19
And then before I knew it, I was like, oh, this dog has food
23:22
drive. That's very convenient for me.
23:24
Yeah. That's amazing.
23:25
Yeah. You built that in.
23:27
Yeah, dude. Like you did that?
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This is why you're an amazing foster 'cause you freaking took
23:34
a dog with no food drive and built food drive.
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FYI you're that is I'm clapping for you.
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It's not easy. Yeah, but it is, it's fun.
23:46
It was. It was a fun.
23:48
I think it was fun for me in that I didn't know if it could
23:52
be done for in that situation. I'd never tried it before and I
23:57
was just experimenting, but at his own rate.
24:00
Do you like this? If we do this, is that enjoyable
24:03
for you? What about this?
24:04
What about this and trying different things until we
24:08
figured it out together and giving him options.
24:11
And then that turned into food drive for him, which I think
24:17
sometimes it's, it's tough to give them those options at times
24:22
where you're like, I just want you to be here instead of go
24:26
through this journey to get here.
24:29
So, yeah, but it, I think because I didn't go into it
24:34
feeling like, oh, I have to do this or I, I know what the end
24:37
result will be. It was more like, I don't know
24:39
if I can do this, but let's try it together.
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Like you seem like the right dog to try this with.
24:44
Yeah. And then we ended up there
24:46
together. Yeah.
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I think it's obviously like we have an interest in training and
24:52
sports and what all of that stuff.
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But I, I would just encourage listeners, if you are going, I
25:03
mean you're going about your day with your dog and your dog and
25:07
you are communicating, you're having interactions all day
25:11
long. And I would challenge you to
25:15
find the positives because there are a lot there.
25:20
And if we look for them, it can really truly turn a frown upside
25:26
down. It was terrible, but it can like
25:30
if you, you know, come home and I don't know, Spot only jumped
25:36
on you twice instead of 6 times, that's a win if you care about
25:40
that. Obviously this is all subjective
25:42
to what you care about, but exactly, if you came home and
25:46
you're cooking dinner and Spot stayed on his mat for 20 seconds
25:52
instead of being in the kitchen under foot, that's a win.
25:56
You know, whatever your parameters are, that's the
25:59
thing. It's personal.
26:01
And that's why they should always be there.
26:05
They're there because you decide what you care about.
26:09
You decide what's important to you.
26:10
You, you decide where those winds come from.
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So just like I encourage you to open your mind and open your
26:18
eyes and look for those winds and like really, truly celebrate
26:21
them whenever you see them. I would also encourage people
26:25
maybe who are heavily into dogs or dog sports or or have had
26:31
lots of dogs and lots of dogs experience to, to go back and
26:36
recognize some of the things that people take for granted
26:41
with their dogs. So for instant for Jackson, with
26:45
Jackson, so many things that he does, I'm blown away with.
26:51
I'm just so flabbergasted that he can do these things.
26:56
And to 99% of the other sports people, they're like, yeah,
27:00
that's what sports dogs do. They stay in their kennel all
27:04
day. They they don't they, they can
27:08
be crated in the car. They can.
27:11
All these things they can wait with.
27:13
Wait all day and then get out and compete in an instant.
27:18
They can sit nicely in the blind with other dogs.
27:22
They can all of these things and they can keep their composure
27:26
with lots of barking dogs and lunging dogs and all these
27:30
things. And I'm like, I'm blown away
27:33
with that because I thought Lucy was perfect and she could have
27:37
done none of those things. Not a not a new one, but she
27:42
sure did. Smack down rally signs.
27:44
Yep, she did. But Jackson does all of those
27:48
things. And every time I'm like, man,
27:51
that's amazing. You waited in the car for three
27:54
hours and we're like, oh, I was just sleeping here, Mom, Are you
27:57
ready for me now? Let me go wait in this blind
27:59
with six other dogs and I'll just be calm and polite here or
28:04
let me go on the dock with everyone barking and a lot of
28:08
energy going on and let me just focus at the task at hand.
28:12
I'm astounded that dogs are capable of that.
28:16
And I would say most other competitors are like, yeah,
28:20
that's just what docs do. And I'm like, no, that's not
28:22
what they do. This is such a hard thing.
28:25
This is amazing. You really opened my eyes to
28:31
that because I have an expectation and I work towards
28:37
that expectation. Like, I knew that those things
28:40
would be harder for Trenton, right, because she's French
28:43
Bulldog. And so I worked really hard at
28:46
that stuff when she was young, right?
28:47
And I tried my best to set her up up for success, but I
28:53
absolutely take those things for granted and you being a
28:59
competitor alongside me has opened my eyes.
29:03
It's a big freaking deal. And the zero to 60 thing is like
29:09
a really big deal to me. How we do ask them to wait
29:12
around in their crates all day and then to have their heads in
29:16
the game and be collected and come out and run in a in a
29:21
competition for 3 1/2 minutes if they're lucky and do well, and
29:27
then go right back there, have a celebration and go back to
29:31
waiting again. It's it's truly incredible.
29:36
And maybe that doesn't apply to your dog because you don't do
29:40
sports, But if your dog is you have a party and there's ten
29:47
adults there and six kids and your dog hangs out, is social or
29:55
just does what they're comfortable with and is
29:58
successful during that party, whatever that looks like, that's
30:02
a big freaking deal. They're a different species.
30:06
They cannot talk to us. We don't always do the best at
30:10
setting them up for success. I know that's not positive, but,
30:13
you know, like it's a big deal the way that they acclimate to
30:18
us and our society and what we ask of them.
30:20
And those things should be celebrated.
30:23
It's a really big deal. And I would encourage us to not
30:27
only be positive to ourselves, but when we have the opportunity
30:31
to also be positive to others. Christy is very good at doing
30:35
that for me. And I I try to spread that, you
30:40
know, you want to, when, when possible, share some of that
30:47
because it, it it only makes everything better.
30:52
And I don't care if that's you go to a dinner party and your
30:56
friend's dog is not jumping. Oh, my gosh, Look at Fluffy.
31:01
They're doing such a great job with all these people here.
31:04
Yeah, it takes a moment. Or you recognize.
31:07
Wow, you knew your dog's limits for the party.
31:11
You put your dog in a crate away from everyone.
31:14
Great job. Great job recognizing what your
31:17
dog can handle. Celebrate.
31:18
Management Dog. Absolutely freaking out in the
31:21
other room. That's an outstanding.
31:24
That's a thing. Yes, I love that.
31:27
I totally agree. Sometimes we're celebrating
31:30
things that are unexpected, but it means so much to someone
31:34
else. Yeah, absolutely.
31:39
Well, we hope at least visiting some of the things we're proud
31:42
of will help you also see what areas you should be proud of
31:48
yourself and your dog. So start celebrating.
31:51
Yes. Tell us what you're celebrating
31:53
too. Yeah, we want to hear about it.
31:55
Yeah, if you've enjoyed this episode, subscribe.
32:00
Rate. And share us wherever you get
32:03
your podcast. Also come on over to Instagram
32:06
and engage with us at Sometimes Their Side Eye.
32:09
Thanks for listening everybody. Talk to you next time.
32:12
Bye bye.