Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 132: My Amazon Keynote: Why Conscious Conversations® Is Your Emotional Intelligence Supply Chain

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132: My Amazon Keynote: Why Conscious Conversations® Is Your Emotional Intelligence Supply Chain · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_08: If you're watching this on video, you probably already hate me because if you hate Los Angeles sports teams, I'm wearing a Los Angeles Dodger hat and I'm wearing a yellow blazer just to represent the Lakers.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_08: So why am I wearing this fit?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_08: Which is what Gen Z, that's the word they use, right?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_08: I think.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_08: I think this fit is 1010 first off.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_08: One.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_08: And number two, it's because I came off doing a big talk with Amazon at their SoCal Amazon Women's Conference to 70 Amazonian women.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_08: By the way, if you have any friends that work for Amazon, they hate when they say the word Amazonian.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_08: But I did a talk on emotional intelligence, how to use emotional intelligence just like the Lakers and the Dodgers.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_08: So I feel like, God, Elaine, if you're gonna be talking about the Lakers and Dodgers during the whole episode, I do not want to list it.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_08: I will promise you that this episode is for you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_08: Before any big talk, I actually do some research on what topics people want to hear.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_08: And I'll be honest, this is not unique to Amazon.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_08: I do use some Amazonian words because hello, I do my research as a keynote speaker.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_08: But these are trends that I hear even with all of my individual clients from work-life balance, boundaries, how to deal when you're in a dominated male group, organization, team, time management, how to get a promotion.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_08: And yes, I give practical tools.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_08: This is why people love my talks.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_08: It's not just the practical tools, but I think I'm pretty relational and funny too.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_08: So it will be engaging.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_08: And no, I'm not wearing this outfit throughout my whole keynote that you'll be listening to.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_08: All right, you're gonna want to grab your coffee, tea, and boba.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_08: Take some notes, and let's drop the beat.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_08: So I'm here at the SoCal Amazon Conference for Women.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: And who are you?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: Uh my name's Jeanette Ponce.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm actually assistant to the general manager for Amazon.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my role here is to basically do my best to make an event happen.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: She did two hours flawlessly.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_02: It was amazing.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: You're also very funny.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm a huge baseball fan.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: Uh she's unfortunately likes a team that I despise.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_08: So what's the team though?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_08: Because there's a lot of people.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_08: Not the Yankees.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_08: Um I'm a Dodger fan.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_08: She lives in Southern California.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, whatever.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, um she is a huge fan.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: So it was actually very helpful because most of our members here, most of our employees are actually athletes.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um so she really did a lot of the PowerPoint to that.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um she did great by getting a lot of info right before the meeting to kind of get their input on what are they looking for?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what are they uh what do they struggle in when they work, uh, what's something they want to learn at this meeting.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I think she kind of put that together and engraved it into her presentation.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: So it worked out pretty well.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: You were very engaging throughout from the start to the finish, um, asking the crowd questions, um, asking them for tips, asking them questions, asking them their opinions.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think that was perfect.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Why I think someone else should choose the same thing, I think the way you kind of read the crowd and you're able to kind of engage with them while also engraving your lesson and your presentation into what they want to hear and how they listen and their language was perfect.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think you spoke Amazon language today, which was great.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so yeah, I think that was perfect.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, thank you so much, Jeanette.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_08: Go Dodgers.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_07: So, with that being said, I'd like to transition over to our coaching session with Elaine, who's gonna actually help us out build, um, build on this and share how we can continue to strengthen and apply emotional intelligence in our leadership journeys today.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_08: Thank you.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_08: Give her a round of applause, everybody.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_08: I was coaching her for like 90 minutes.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_08: Jeanette, do you want to hold this?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_09: Yes.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, let me have this Yankee fan just take the Dodger hat up in the front, please.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_08: No, no.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_08: I need help.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_08: We're gonna learn how to deal with difficult people, which according to Jeanette is me.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_08: So, question a very important question.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_08: How many are Dodger fans?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_08: Jeanette, do you see this?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm out numbering.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: How many are you?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go!
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_08: I will try really hard to work with you.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_08: Laker fans?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_08: Yes! All right, that's why I brought my hat.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_08: Okay.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_08: We kind of heard a little bit, but I'm curious, just yell it out.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_08: This is interactive.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_08: I don't want to talk at you because why would you want to want me up here?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_08: But what sport did you play when you were a kid or are you playing now?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_08: Weightlifting also works.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_08: Pickleball, Pilates, just yell it out, shout it out.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_08: Softball, soccer, swim, cricket, oh cricket! Fancy.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_08: Anything else?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_08: Tennis?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_08: All right, the reason why I want off want to start with sports with emotional intelligence, and y'all probably don't even know this.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_08: I did boxing in Muay Thai, which is like so Yankee fans, just watch out.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_08: Okay.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_08: Um, there will be slides about, so if you want to get the slides, just input this.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_08: There is also flyers.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_08: You don't need to do it right now, by the way.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_08: Because if we're gonna take your phone out, you're gonna go on Instagram and TikTok, and you're not gonna pay attention, but you're lost because there's a lot of value in this.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, when it comes to emotional intelligence, and you do this already, especially for a lot of you in operations and systems, it's about being curious, being an observer, be like a scientist.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_08: I know that a lot of you we make decisions from data, right?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_08: From supply chain and numbers.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_08: But what we don't often think about is it comes from communication with people as well.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_08: It's like, okay, this person cares about numbers, that's how I'm gonna talk to them.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_08: This person hates the Dodgers, I won't bring it up, whatever it is.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_08: And she did that purposely.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_08: All right, I did a survey, some of you did it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_08: Um, so the big challenges, I think let's just put it in the podium.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_08: I think that's the easiest way.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_08: All right.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_08: The great thing about emotional intelligence and being also on the spotlight is how do you work with things when things don't work your way?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_08: And you work with your enemies like a Yankee fan.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_08: All right, what show is this?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_08: Thank you.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, how I met your mother.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_08: So the challenges that a lot of you talked about was one, work-life balance.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_08: I see some nods.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_08: Number two, career advancement and goals.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_08: And I'll talk about how you could get promotions.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_08: And it's not asking for one like now, it's actually how do you have that conversation earlier on and then showcase that.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_08: So I'll share that.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_08: And then third, self-advocacy and assertiveness as a woman.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_08: And I'll be sharing my personal stories as well.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_08: Goals I heard was develop and grow your own people, and also question what show is this?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_08: So I'm a millennial.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_08: How many millennials are here?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_08: See, I know how to keep you engaged.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_08: There are a lot of memes in here.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_08: So another thing about emotional intelligence is know your audience.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_08: Versus Gen Z.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_08: I'll probably have like a huge iPad costume here, and then you'll pay attention to me.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_08: So, to advance your own career and expand impact and then communicate effectively.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_08: All right, who's excited for the second movie to come out?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_08: May 1st, 37 days.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_08: I have the countdown.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_08: So who am I?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_08: We we heard Liz talking about her being an immigrant.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_08: I am a proud daughter of a Filipino immigrant farmer.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_08: And my dad is out there in the corner in the hat.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_08: So, my plant ladies that are out here, if you need plant tips, like talk to my dad.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_08: Um, I'm from a generation of farmers.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_08: I'm really grateful to be here.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_08: I I was I'm not gonna say names, but I was coaching a couple of you, and I'll be here throughout the day.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_08: So if you have questions or need support, I'm here.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_08: But when people are like, how do you speak on stage?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_08: How do you have difficult conversations with people?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_08: I think about the generations before me and how I have the privilege to be here, and they didn't.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_08: They came from poverty.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_08: And what a privilege that I'm like, oh, where's your where's your like alkaline water versus like regular water?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_08: And so I'm very grateful to be here because like what's the worst case scenario?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_08: I don't know, I got a Yankee fan that's trying to mess up my presentation versus my great-grandfather who died because he spoke up, or my grandfather, my mom's also here.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_08: Um my grandpa died from war.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_08: So I'm like, this is not scary compared to what has happened to me before.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_08: So that's why I say if you're nervous speaking up, I think about them.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_08: I actually have another client who's doing an interview right now for a big brand, and she's like, What else should I do to prepare?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_08: So when you're thinking about whether it's trying to get the new promotion, I told her, get something like a scrunchie from your daughter just to remind you who you're doing it for.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_08: You see some nods.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_08: So, because it's not just, I know for us women, we've been taught to think about everyone.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_08: So I love these little reminders for myself and just a reminder for you as well.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_08: All right, I need to say I'm from the 909.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_08: I went not 951, I'm from the 909.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_08: I went to the Ontario Montclair School District, I went to Howard Elementary and then Oaks Middle School, which apparently was in the opening day for all of you.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_08: I was voted most likely to succeed all the way into the left, but that day I had pink eye.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_08: Look at me now.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_08: And I played basketball as well, but I'm not the only one from here.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_08: My friend Jarel, he's doing photos right now.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_08: He graduated high school because of me, because he copied of my stuff.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_08: And he was the team member where I was like, Jarrell, where are you in this part of the report?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_08: He never answered.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_08: And then when I called him, hey, can you do some photos?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_08: He called, like he answers a phone call when I'm about to give him a check.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_08: Rude.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_08: All right, building a better leader can be like a supply chain, right?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_08: Systems and output.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_08: So by the end of the talk, you're gonna actually receive a dashboard and then a framework to improve your communication, and we'll do improv and practice as well.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_08: So who is this girl?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_08: Come on.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_08: So you ready?
• 10:54
  unknown: Yeah.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_08: You ready?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_08: All right, night shift people, you gotta wake up.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_08: All right, this is my framework called Conscious Conversations.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, so like I said, it's a supply chain.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_08: But I would love to know what makes you passionate about what you do?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_08: And hey, if passion is your paycheck, no judgment.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_08: But I'm curious, what do you all like about working at Amazon?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone to share?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_10: So um, for me, it's I played basketball too.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_10: So creating that team um environment.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_10: Um, one of the persons that I relied a lot at LGBTI was actually Kate.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_10: So um just having those connections that we build is a reason why I'm still at Amazon.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_10: So um definitely think for me it's that.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_06: Anyone else want to share?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_06: All right.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_06: So for me, it's the people.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_06: I love to see my team grow and develop to like their most brightest self.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_06: So that's what drives me.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_08: Hmm.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_08: One more.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_08: Who else wants to share?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_08: I see snaps right here in the front.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_08: Um, look at this Dodger fan.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_08: Hey hey, no, no attitude, Jeanette.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_08: Some of you shared that you need to work on your facial expressions.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_08: That was a perfect example.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what I love specifically about Amazon, just like all of you guys, I am also a daughter of an immigrant.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: And not having a degree, I don't know anywhere else that would allow me to be a people person and get to where I am today.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_08: I want to say this to my dad from stage.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_08: He had to drop out of high school because he had to help my his grandparents, my grandparents, his parents, in the form to just have food at the table.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_08: And so, like sometimes like, oh, I'm not as smart all like smart like you.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, dad, you're so street smart.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_08: Like me being able to read people and get like he's so funny, I get it from him.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_08: So, dad, you're smart.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_08: Like A plus, okay.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_08: Also, fun dad joke.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_08: If you want to use this with anyone that has multiple siblings, so there's three of us, right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_08: And one of my brothers for his report card got like A, B's and C's, while the other two of us got straight A's, and he felt really bad.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_08: So my dad's like, but your sister and brother have like A's, like you have A, B's, and C's.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_08: Do they have that?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_08: No, like that was, I still remember that moment.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_08: Like it was just, it's how you communicate to your team members, right?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_08: All right, so pause is the first thing.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_08: I know a lot of you want to know like the scripts and the strategies, but what's really important is understanding yourself.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_08: So I was just a huge Harry Potter fan.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_08: Do y'all know who Hedwig is?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_08: Do you remember?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, Messenger, right?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_08: All right, we're gonna go deep, just warning you.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_08: Also wanna let you know I am not a therapist, but it's also really important to understand what are your trigger responses.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_08: So managing nerves when you're a difficult conversation, understanding your response.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_08: Are you in fight mode?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_08: It's like, oh no, he didn't.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_08: Like, I'm about to do this.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_08: Mind you, I am that in my head, but I learned to stay calm.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, ooh, I need to breathe.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_08: Or you flight, like, I just don't want to deal with this, right?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_08: Or there's the freeze, I don't know what to do.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_08: So you're just really quiet or fawn, you want everyone to be happy.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_08: You need me to stay.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, okay, I'll stay.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_08: I'll stay another hour or two.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_08: You're not just one of these, you might be a couple of these, depending on different situations.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_08: I want you to think about this like systems and a supply chain.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_08: What are you?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_08: And the people you work with, what are they?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_08: So it's not just what you know about yourself, it's also what you know about them.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_08: So here's the hard part when it comes to your trauma response.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_08: It's staying curious over judgment.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_08: You know, I gotta add an Amazon like leadership principle.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_08: You need to be learn and be curious.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_08: Any psychology like nerds out here that love it?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_08: No, just me.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_08: I studied psychology and sociology.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_08: So I'm not gonna make you read this whole thing because you're gonna hate me.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_08: So at the bottom, you have the amygdala, right?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_08: The amygdala is your smoke detector.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_08: It's like, ooh, danger.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_08: Like, this is a difficult, fighting conversation.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_08: I just don't want to deal with the hippocampus, that small little blue color over there, that's the librarian.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_08: It reminds you of all the past situations you've been in your life.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_08: No, you've had this situation happen before.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_08: You're gonna go in freeze mode and not say anything.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_08: Or you've been in this situation before when you're in childhood, you're gonna go fight them because you're not gonna deal with this.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_08: And the prefrontal cortex is what makes us very unique as humans versus animals.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_08: It gets us to the logical executive functioning to make us think logically.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_08: So, you know, when people say, you gotta breathe, like, why do I have to breathe?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_08: Because when you're breathing from your spinal cord all to the prefrontal cortex, it is the farthest away, it allows you to think logically.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_08: Y'all getting that?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_08: You know when people say, like, you need to breathe, like, why?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_08: Why do I need to breathe?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_08: But the Olympics just happened.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_08: I love Simone Biles.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_08: Like seeing her prior to getting out and doing that event, she's breathing.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_08: If you notice a lot of athletes do this, that's why I started off and asked, what sports do you do?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_08: Like, how many of you do weightlifting, for example?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_08: Because I also lift, like it's all about breathing too.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_08: But if you're like, like it's just not gonna work out.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_08: Because if you're not breathing, so you could think logically and go to your prefrontal cortex, you turn into my favorite Disney princess.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_08: Anxiety.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_08: So just a reminder to breathe.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_08: Now, I learned that all of you know the colorful chairs, so I like the inside out version, right?
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_08: So when responding to someone, you want to make sure you're in the green zone.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_08: And you know when you're in the green zone, when you are calm, but sometimes you're slow because you're anxious, you're red, angry, or you're sad.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_08: And so it's okay where I've been in conversations, not just at work, not just with clients, but even with family members, mom and dad, you probably have seen this.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, hey, I'm gonna leave and I'll come back.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_08: Because what's the point?
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_08: I'm gonna say things I regret, you're gonna say things you're gonna regret, so might as well cool off for it, right?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_08: So that's why it's important to understand how it's weird.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_08: How can I get to my preferential cortex?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_08: Or I just need to breathe.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_08: So if there's one action item, it would be that as well.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_08: But I would like to know, I would love to pause.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_08: What do you all do to calm yourself when it gets kind of heated?
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone want to share?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_08: Yes.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_08: Mike Renner, Yankee fan.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_05: So um, if a conversation is becoming difficult or I'm in a difficult situation, um, I do like to pause and go for a walk so I can clear my mind.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_05: Like I'm really, really big on walks and stressful, any type of stressful or a situation that I deem as stressful.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_08: I want to further ask, what do you find yourself when you do go on a walk?
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_08: Like, are you like, oh, I just want to beat that person up?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_08: Like a like, are you like, okay, I need a strategy, what I'm gonna say to them?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_08: Like, what do you mean?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_08: I'm an HR, so I can't condone Violet.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, you need to watch your words.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_05: PR is right next to you.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_05: No, um, I find myself um just wanting to listen to like calming music.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_05: I'm breathing.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: Um, it's something I've been doing like for the last probably like 13, 15 years.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so I'm pretty good at like using those types of techniques to help me regulate.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_08: I want to um thank you so much for sharing.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_08: I want to bring up this like brain picture.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_08: I remember um when I had a director role for a company and my boss was sharing me, like, oh, I felt like she was destroying me, but she really wasn't.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_08: She was just giving me feedback.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_08: Why is it this way?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_08: You should do it this way, this way.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_08: And I had to go and then like let's meet in an hour and talk about how to make this better.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_08: And I walked out, I'm like, I worked so hard for it.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_08: Like two hours.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_08: She's like, not even grateful.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_08: This is not even my project.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like working above and beyond.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_08: Then we meet at 2 p.m.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_08: It's just like, okay, we just need to do A, B, and C.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, why was I making this bigger than it is?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_08: Right?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_08: I see a lot of you nodding your head, but it goes back to the brain, right?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_08: Amygdala, fire alarm, hippocampus.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_08: Remember when you're five years old and this happened?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_08: But it's like actually, like that is from the past, and sometimes you're frozen there.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_08: So, how can we think logically?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_08: And so, what I always tell my clients like, how can we focus on the problem and the goal rather than the person?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_08: Right?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_08: It's the problem and the goal rather than the person.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_08: So we talked about this.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, nonverbals.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_08: You all know who she is, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, so when talking to someone when you're crossing your arms, right?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_08: I know, I know you all know that this is defensive, but what's interesting is understanding the evolution behind it.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_08: So back when we were cavemen, right?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_08: Um, if you're crossing your arm, it's like, oh, does she have a rock or a weapon?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_08: That's why cops ask, like, hey, put your hands up because you have a cop, like a rock or a weapon.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_08: So that's why you want to be able to actually move your arms.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, not dance like in a difficult conversation, that's awkward.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_08: But great distraction though.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_08: But when you're moving your arms, you're actually building trust.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_08: But if you even notice, I mean, a lot of us are on social media when you're watching someone and they're in video and they're just talking like this, even though they might be animated, it's weird, versus when they're moving their hands and their arms as well.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_08: So that was a fun fact.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, assertive voice.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_08: I'm talking about, so I remember when I was a teenager, I was like, oh, these cool girls, they're just talking like this.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_08: I should talk like that too, right?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_08: But do you take that as respectful or are you just, oh, I'm just respecting others, submissive?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_08: Then there's a respecting yourself, like the aggressive voice.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_08: We're gonna go do this.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_08: So there is a situation I remember.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_08: Let's say my old boss's name is Josh.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_08: I actually really respected him.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_08: And I remember at meetings, he would, he would be at these meetings with consultants and say, I disagree.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_08: I disagree.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_08: And all these male consultants with him like nodding his head.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, okay, well, if he's doing that, I could do that, right?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_08: So then I'm at a meeting and I'm running it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, I disagree, I disagree.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_08: Jaws dropped.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_08: And then I just had to be real like, what is the difference here?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_08: I'm a woman.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, I'm not here to be a gender police and let like, hey, like you're a man, you should like listen.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_08: I was like, oh.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_08: Then I had to learn how do I use words as tools, right?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_08: So then understanding, okay, I hear that you want to do this, but you could write this script down.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_08: I hear you want to do this, but I'm seeing issues with one, two, and three.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_08: Here's what I'm thinking.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_08: We should do D, E, and F.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_08: What do you think?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_08: As women, it's I'm like nodding my head.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_08: As women, it's like, Like, oh, I need to involve them in the conversation.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_08: Because unfortunately, there is unconscious bias.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_08: Like, why is she telling me what I need to do?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_08: So then, what's so great as women, it's like, how can we have them understand it?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_08: Like I said, focus on the problem, goal, and solution as opposed to the person.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, mind you, in my head, I'm just like yelling at them because I already know how they are.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_08: But it's like, how can I focus on moving things forward?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_08: Asking for a promotion.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_08: So before you have any conversation, step one, create a brag sheet, or you could call it value added memo, whatever it is, track everything, write everything you've done.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_08: And this is the hard part.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_08: I would do this weekly if you can or monthly.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_08: I know things are busy.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_08: Elaine, I have so much stuff to happen.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_08: But actually, some of you who I've talked to, it's like they ask you, okay, what have you done?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_08: And then it's like blank space.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_08: So this should be a running document for yourself so that you have it saved.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_08: And then talk to your supervisor, like, hey, I want to be whatever level it is.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_08: I know I've accomplished this.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_08: So you're not saying it verbally, you're presenting the evidence.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_08: I've done A, B, and C.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_08: What do I need to do to work to get there?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_08: I think so often we think, oh, I demand it.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_08: I want this, but at least you're having that conversation beforehand.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_08: So you're working towards that.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_08: And then you could even check in in two months or three months.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_08: Hey, we talked about how I want to be at this level.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_08: I want to check in and hear from you.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_08: You said I needed to work on this.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_08: Any other feedback you have for me that we could move forward?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_08: All right.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_08: So, like we, I know observing customer obsession is a huge thing for Amazon.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_08: I want you to also observe leadership obsession.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_08: I know sometimes it's like, how do I get a mentor?
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_08: But simply, wait, who's my bird watcher, by the way?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_08: Yes, love that.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_08: I say that because, like, honestly, have a journal and just observe the women that you respect that are probably in those rooms.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_08: So, for example, um, another boss that I worked with, a female, she was so wonderful.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_08: You know those leaders that go into difficult meetings with all men, and she's calm, she has a different perspective from everyone else, but for some reason, at the end of the meeting, all the men respect her.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone have seen that?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, what magical stuff that has happened there?
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_08: I loved journaling and observing like a bird watcher.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_08: What did she do?
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_08: Oh, she's just asking questions.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_08: She's just curious.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_08: She nods her head, she's breathing.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_08: Like all those little cues, you could learn from it as well.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_08: And then even going up to them, I remember going up to my former boss and saying, Hey, how did you handle that?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_08: And she's like, Oh, Elaine, like I said, focus on the problem.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_08: You're just asking questions, you're providing evidence.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_08: Also, think of it like for those of you that do team sports or any sports, you're also going into game plan.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_08: Humans, we're we're full of patterns.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_08: I'm talking about supply chain.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_08: You, those difficult people that you could think of in your head that you work with, don't they usually respond to your say something like the same thing over and over again?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_08: So, hard assignment to do is think about that person that you have to work with.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_08: What are things they often say and do?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_08: And then how can you respond back to that with evidence?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_08: It doesn't have to be emotional.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_08: Like, hey, I see that you want to do this, but if this is the goal, these are things we could do.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_08: Because if we keep doing this, this will happen.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_08: If you notice, I never said you, I said this and this project.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_08: So focusing on that.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, talking about the brain.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_08: Perspectives and priorities.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_08: If you want to read the room, you gotta you own the room, you need to read the room, like write a lot.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_08: So, do you remember this part of the movie where she was like, okay, if they're like this, then I have to be this.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_08: So, where's my dodger hat?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_08: Um, so you know how like they're out in the field, and then like, okay, this one's coming out to bat.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_08: All right, I should probably move this way, similar to how you're working with people having a dashboard.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_08: Understanding, okay, what is their goal?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_08: What's their communication style?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_08: Be curious.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_08: This isn't not about clicks or anything, but who do they work well with and why?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_08: And what do you need to work on to improve your communication with them?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_08: And also, if you notice, there's sometimes words or topics to avoid talking to them.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_08: So just understanding that.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_08: With a lot of executives I work with, they have this kind of as a running document that they're working on.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_08: And then these are questions.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_08: So, you know that who's your favorite comedian?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone want to share?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_08: Allie, I love Ali.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone else?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_08: I'm Filipino, so yeah, I love Joe Coy.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_08: What's yours?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_08: I actually got to see it.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_08: Wait, Jorel, didn't we still see Joe Coy here?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_08: Like back in the day, 15 years ago, I think.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_08: This is before he got really big in the Ontario improv.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_08: So before they get their Netflix special, they're testing out their material in different clubs and they're seeing which jokes land.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_08: They actually film it.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_08: And I'm not even saying film themselves.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_08: They're filming themselves and they're filming the crowd because they want to be able to see like the interaction with them.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_08: So at meeting, I'm not saying, like, hey, you're difficult to work with.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_08: Let me film you.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_08: No, I'm not saying that.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_08: But what I'm saying is that you could reflect after, be that bird watcher of, oh, I notice whenever I talk, do say this or do this, they're gonna respond that way.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_08: Like I said, it's just acknowledging patterns and then preparing yourself and asking, hey, how do I want this other person to think or feel?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_08: Can I meet them or other allies?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_08: What has helped me?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_08: I used to work on political campaigns, I'm glad I don't anymore, but I will always vote, especially like local elections.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_08: What I have done is, okay, who do they get along well with?
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_08: Not trying to just be best friends with them, but like understanding, hey, I see you work really well with so-and-so.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_08: Like, what how have you been able to go through that?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_08: Why has that worked so well for you?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, do you all remember their relationship?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_08: Do you remember that?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_08: But then they had an amazing coach, Phil Jackson, that taught them to be able to have to work together.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_08: Jeanette, close your eyes.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_08: I'm warning you.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_08: Do you guys remember this moment, Dodger fans?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_08: It's our man, Mickey.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_08: And if you look at his stats and numbers, he wasn't supposed to be out there, but what does he have?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_08: That's very unique to the team.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_08: It's the chemistry, it's the relationships.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_08: So often we think it's like Miggy's numbers, he shouldn't be up there, but it's all about the relationships and it's building it.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_08: So I have some scripts here.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_08: If you need to talk to someone about something, you want to give them a heads up.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_08: If you're like, hey, we need to talk about A, B, and C now, let them know ahead of time.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_08: I need a moment to discuss A, B, and C.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_08: Are you free today at 3 or 4 p.m.?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_08: I have a lot of clients who are executives who are working with people who are younger.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_08: And what they notice is when they talk to someone, like when you talk about this, they freeze, they get in that trauma response.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_08: You want to give them a heads up ahead of time.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_08: We need to talk about this, and this is why.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_08: Because automatically they think, oh, this person's attacking me, but at least you're giving them a heads up.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_08: And you can even let them know this is what I'm looking for as well.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_08: So setting those expectations.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_08: Wanting to give feedback.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_08: I shared this quote earlier.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_08: I understand you want to do this.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_08: Here's what I've seen.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_08: And if we do this, it solves A, B, and C.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_08: What are your thoughts?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_08: Involving them in the process.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_08: I used to have people always come to me about gossip.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, I have work to do.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_08: I can't just be gossiping the whole time.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_08: So how do I?
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_08: Because like Filipinos were huge cheesmas.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_08: Mom, I see you.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_08: My mom's like, Elaine, I need to tell you about your auntie.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, mom, I really don't want to know about auntie right now.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_08: Don't worry, I didn't say any names, Mom, I just said auntie in general.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_08: So when people tend to gossip and want to stop it, hey, I'm happy to hear more if we can figure out a solution.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_08: Otherwise, I don't want to be involved in the gossip.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_08: If you notice, I focused on the solution part of it.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_08: And then what's interesting is that I've had people stop.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_08: Have you ever been at a meeting or a conversation and someone's just gonna keep talking and talking and you already have the answer to the solution?
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_08: I see a lot of nods.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_08: A great way to stop them is say their first name.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_08: Joe.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_08: Joe.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_08: But notice my tone, it's very calm and quiet.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_08: It's not Joe, it's Joe.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_08: The reason why it works, like in terms of neuroscience, is that we will stop when someone calls our name.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_08: But anyone else want to share what are scripts and tips that have helped you when having conversations?
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_08: Go ahead.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've been trying to ask them more in terms of how they also like to learn.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I usually write it out on the whiteboard.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm not exactly sure what it is, we'll start writing it out first in a whiteboard or any visuals that help.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_08: Thank you for sharing that.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_08: You could also be direct and ask them, yeah, like what you said, what how do you like learning things?
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_08: Also, if you notice that your direct report is not receiving the information that you would like for them, you could even directly ask them, like, hey, I noticed that I'm probably not saying the right words or the tone.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_08: What helps you?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone else want to share?
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_09: Um, so I think that for me, I pay attention to what people are talking about and uh like kind of just like look for those social cues and what really matters to them.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_09: So if we ever have um an issue, we um I can kind of like see their perspective and what their goal is so that like I have that understanding that you know we're we're working together on like the bigger picture.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_09: So it's it's definitely just saying that everyone wants to do a good job, everyone you know wants us to succeed, so just understand what their angle is.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: Um so for me personally, if I'm talking to um an area manager or a peer or whatever in regards to like a project or something that we need to accomplish, um, I usually like to spend like at least like 15 or 20 minutes explaining exactly like what I'm looking for or what the outcome of this project should be, or um giving them certain tools that might be able to help them to get these things done quicker, maybe some macros or Excel spreadsheets.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I'll prepare for the meeting already in kind of like knowing what tools they might need to use to be more efficient in getting done what I need them to get done.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_08: And I'm sure you add this, it's not also just telling them what they need to get done, it's also giving the this is why.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_08: I mean, this is more of like an auntie story, me.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_08: But my niece, I remember we were at Tahoe, and her mom, which is my cousin, was like, you need to go.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_08: She's she was at the time like four years old, you need to put your shoes on.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_08: And she was tantrum, like crying, no, I want my chanelas, which is sandals and to gog, I want my sandals to go on.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_08: She was like screaming and crying, so like it was intuitive for me, but because she's so sh obviously small, like I crouched down, so I'm at the same level as her.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_08: You know, I'm like, you really want to put like your sandals on, huh?
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_08: Instead of your shoes, like, yes, I don't know why mommy won't let me.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, but we're gonna be like at the rocks and we might fall.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_08: You might fall, and your mom doesn't want to get you hurt, right?
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_08: Do you want to get hurt?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_08: No, your mom loves you very much, and I think if you put your shoes on, you you'll most likely not get hurt.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_08: She's three.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_08: And when I explain that to her, like she got it.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_08: And I share this like as like a child of immigrants.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_08: I think it's so often it's like, you need to do this, but like explaining the why and the how.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_08: So I have another executive I'm working, I mean, I know there's some safety people, and safety is obviously very important to Amazon.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_08: Um, and she's like, I just don't understand like why they won't do these steps.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_08: And I was like, it's I was like, you need to explain to them like what may happen and why this is important.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_08: And yeah, feel free to share the incident that happened a year ago and how you want to make sure to prevent it.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_08: Explaining the why, not the you need to do this because you are safety.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_08: It's we need to do this so it doesn't happen again or prevent it.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_08: So, by the way, sorry, anyone else want to share tips before I move on?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_08: Yes, there's a tip here.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, I had two.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_04: So, number one is I asked them what the preferred communication style is.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_04: So some like more verbal, like face-to-face communication versus like others, like me, like I like written communication, so I would like everything through Slack so I can review for later.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm target my communication style to my um audience so that way they can go, it's better received and at their time, so that way they can they'll there'll be more bought in.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_04: And number two, if I'm teaching, if I'm teaching, I'm asked, I'll ask my audience to teach back to me so that I can check for understanding as well.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_08: I love that.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_08: I will say that for those of you that want to get promoted up, it's easy because you're in a new chapter, but you should do it now.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_08: But I've done the same thing.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_08: It's like, hey, I just I want to make sure we work work really well together.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_08: What's the best way to communicate with you?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_08: Slack, email, verbal, and then put it in the little dashboard so you know how to communicate to them as well.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_08: Any more tips?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_08: All right.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_08: We're gonna go to the prep preparation.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_08: I'm bringing this dashboard again, but I also want to share that it's not just getting your work done, doing everything, your job description, but it's also acknowledging what do you need to work on professionally?
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_08: Maybe it is communicating, maybe it's public speaking like coming up here.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_08: So do you know what picture this is, anyone?
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_08: Dodger fans?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_08: Yoshi, he does javelin throws, right?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_08: Jeanette, I'm gonna have a conversation with you off the side because you said boo to my team.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_08: Um, so the reason why he got into javelins is because when he pit, I am not a pitcher, by the way.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_08: So I know for my softball players out here, I know my form is completely wrong.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, do not judge me.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_08: So, but I for him, he was always kind of hurting his elbow when he was pitching.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_08: But for some reason, when he throws a javelin, he's not hurting his elbow.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_08: So that's why he does it, is because it's it allows him to move more of his lower body.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_08: Even for boxing, people think it's just an arm, but it's actually, if you notice, it's moving the whole thing.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_08: It's all the way to my bottom torso, so you could feel that impact as well.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_08: So I know I'm using sports, but even being aware of what you need to work on.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_08: One of my clients that I worked with, whenever she was in difficult conversations, she made a nervous laugh.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_08: Like she knew it was just a habit that she had to work on.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_08: So, just like an athlete, after meeting, she was like, How many times did I do that?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_08: And even finding a good friend that would be at meetings with her, hey, I'm working on having this nervous laugh go away.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_08: Can you like, I mean, obviously not during the meeting.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_08: Can you count how many times I do that?
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_08: Just having that mind, like being aware of it of what you need to work on.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_08: So, like I said, keep a diary and track weekly or daily, what are conversations you've had the past week.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_08: I know it feels so good to remember the great conversations, but I'm gonna challenge you, track those difficult conversations.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_08: Just like an athlete, like like when you're watching sports, any sports, if you notice, athletes don't mind.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_08: They're looking at their iPad and watching their play again.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_08: And I know that makes them feel uncomfortable, but think of it that way.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_08: Do not record your conversations because then HR is gonna call me.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_08: You know, what worked, what didn't, and any updates I should be aware of.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_08: Another thing to be aware of at meetings of people that you might have a difficult work relationship.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_08: Look at those meetings and the that difficult person that you work with, why did they work well with this person at those meetings?
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_08: What about that?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_08: Just curious, have that curious mindset.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_08: All right.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_08: I love using this.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_08: I got this from a podcast episode from Jefferson Fisher.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_08: When someone is mean or rude, I'm okay saying, can you repeat what you shared?
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_08: One or two.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_08: Was your intention to make me feel bad?
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_08: And what no, what what are you what are you talking about?
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_08: You they'll just be like off the cuff because they're seeking for a dopamine hit.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_08: They want to emotionally hurt you.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_08: So you mirror it back.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_08: It's like, okay, you're gonna punch me, I'm gonna pivot, I'm gonna punch you back, but in the feminine, calm way, and then you could bring it back.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_08: Hey, we're talking about this, let's focus on the project right now.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_08: Try it.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_08: I love it.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_08: It's my favorite sentence.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_08: All right, do you remember what Shaq sucked at?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_08: Similar to what I was sharing about the nervous laugh, finding an accountability partner with whatever you need to work on.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_08: All right, shifting from becoming a leader.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_08: I, you know, what we were taught in school was doing, but it's more so thinking.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_08: Like when I see my clients who have moved up into the VP or executive level, I'm just gonna be real with you.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_08: It's not becoming better with just your skill set, it's actually dealing with the people and the politics of it.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_08: I'm just being real and honest with you and having that critical thinking as well.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_08: So I know burnout was a huge thing.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_08: After the break, we're gonna do a panel and do coaching with all of you.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_08: But I like doing the decide method when there's a new project or task and discern is this a priority or not.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_08: My child of immigrants, like, I want to do this right away, but it's like pause, going back to the beginning of the heart.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_08: Do I really need to do this?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_08: Or here's the hard part because I know for us when we love doing everything and we got trust issues, do I need to do this?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_08: Can I delegate it?
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_08: I see a lot of nods here, and that is something that I have had to work on a lot.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_08: Or three, you have to do it.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_08: And four, hey, delete.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_08: Is this really necessary for you to do?
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_08: Or delay, can this wait?
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_08: Or do you need to discuss this and ask for feedback because you're confused about priorities?
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_08: And letting someone know, hey, I'll get this is a sentence I want you to practice.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_08: I'll get back to you.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_08: I need to look at my other priorities first.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_08: You don't need to give a reply back right away.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_08: You could wait to give a reply back.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_08: And if you're feeling overwhelmed, have a conversation with your boss.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_08: Hey, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_08: Here's what I'm working on.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_08: I have capacity to do this, but I know I need to do these other things.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_08: Do I need to delay it or do I delegate it?
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_08: What should I do?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_08: So being mindful of it.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_08: Um, protecting team.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_08: I actually learned this from the girls, like asking them what works well for you.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_08: What are you working on?
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_08: Are you disconnected from work?
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_08: Just even asking your direct reports where they're at.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_08: Who is this?
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_08: Anyone?
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_08: I know so often when someone does something wrong, it's like, why'd you do that?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_08: It goes back to like this ladder here, doing versus thinking.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_08: Can you help me understand what made you do this?
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_08: So you're understanding their thought process.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_08: So remember, it's not about just managing them doing, it's managing how they could critically think as well.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_08: And even when you do something and you know that your direct report or another colleague needs to do it, like, hey, I want to walk you through my thought process of how I was able to do this project really well.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_08: So then they get to understand that rather than just doing things all the time.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_08: I know some of you asked, like, how do I end conversations?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_08: I always like saying, hey, I'm happy to talk more if you could figure out solutions, but I need to work on A, B, and C if there's the gossip part.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_08: But it's also, let's say the conversation becomes very difficult.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_08: Being direct, it's been hard for me to learn how to be direct, but just saying, hey, I want to honor your time and mine.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_08: Let's circle back in five minutes or tomorrow.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_08: So we're more clear-headed.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_08: And I think about the walk that you were talking about, it always comes back better.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_08: Even in my personal relationship with my partner, I'm like, hey, we let's let's talk about this tomorrow.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_08: And then it just becomes so much better.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_08: I was coaching a client yesterday who's in safety, and she was sharing, like, I just don't even want to have a conversation.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_08: Um, and I was like, but when having a difficult conversation, being vulnerable, the power of vulnerability with Brene Brown and not just talking about work, it makes us closer with our friends or even with our significant other as well.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_08: I'm not saying you have to be like best.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_08: What I've had to learn in early on in my career, I thought I need everyone to like me.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, no, I need to learn how I could gain respect so we could work together to get our work done and not want to kill each other.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_08: Um next step is presence.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_08: So what are you gonna do when you have that conversation when you're working on a project?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_08: It's like Netflix when they're on there.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_08: Actually, on stage right now, I mean, I kind of have notes.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_08: I could have just read off a script, but I like feeling people's energies.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_08: You're giving me cues of when you're nodding, we're like, nope, we're not warmed up yet.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, that's fine, I'll move forward with it, but I'm completely present.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_08: It's like the bird watcher, like, okay, this is what I'm noticing that's working for them.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_08: Like, for example, I noticed a lot of you taking pictures of scripts, you could get the QR code from it.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_08: After a conversation, you're gonna pause.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_08: It goes back like a supply chain, right?
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_08: And debrief.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_08: Beyonce, she's crazy, like in a great way.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_08: So, similar to what I told you about comedians when they are watching themselves in the audience, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, a lot of big singers, they also have a video of their audience and themselves.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_08: So if you notice, like Beyonce changed her set list?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_08: What?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_08: Like, why did they happen?
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_08: It's because they're watching like the crowd's reaction to what's working, what's not working.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_08: And it's like, I'm not a singer Elaine.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_08: I'm Filipino and I don't even sing well.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_08: I didn't have that gene, mom and dad.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_08: Um, nor do I dance well, and I'm not a nurse, so I have failed in life.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_08: But I know I'm talking about singers, but I also want you to think about this with difficult conversations.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_08: I know I'm making you feel uncomfortable, but I'm a coach.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_08: Well, am I supposed to do?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_08: So debrief, and then you could get the slides here.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_08: So this was the first half.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_08: You're not done with me yet.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_08: Um, we're going to do a 15-minute break, and then we're gonna have some of the girls come up.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_08: So, some of you that filled out the survey, there were coaching questions you have.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_08: So I'll be able to like and we'll be able to answer some questions and take some coaching questions also in the room.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_08: But thank you for your time.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_08: And also, I'm here all day.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_08: So if you want to spill the tea and you need like a solution, I'm here.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_08: Don't worry, my mics are not gonna be here, so I'm not gonna be recording the tea.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_08: Okay, so we'll keep it confidential.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_08: But thank you, ladies, enjoy your break.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_08: And what time are we back?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_08: 15 minutes.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_08: So good, right?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_08: Now, you'll probably want to go to certain parts, hit replay again.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_08: And if you found this podcast episode really helpful, or like, oh my gosh, I got tips on how to do promotions, on how to deal with boundaries, time management, please send this to a friend or two that you know will benefit from this podcast episode and send them a message on why they should probably listen to it.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_08: And if you really loved this podcast episode, please leave a rating in review.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_08: It will help more incredible leaders like yourself to find this podcast.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_08: And if you're like Elaine, wow, I can't believe how much value gave.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_08: And I want more value, more individualized ones towards my own goals, or you're probably like, Elaine, I need you to come and facilitate keynote for my company, for my team.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_08: Well, then schedule a call with me at ElaineLou.com forward slash call, E-L-A-I-N-E-L-O-U.com forward slash call.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_08: And we will connect.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_08: It will be my me on the other line, and we'll see if it's a good fit to work together.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_08: All right.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_08: I'll see you in the next episode.