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Sober Talk SA - Peter M. · Sober Talk SA

• 0:01
  Hi, my name is Peter and I'm an alcoholic.
• 0:05
  I first picked up a drink when I was 14, and it was the beginning
• 0:10
  of something that I thought was pretty incredible.
• 0:15
  Prior to drinking, I was locked up, child with scared to my
• 0:21
  wit's end of everything that moved in the world.
• 0:23
  I didn't fit in anywhere I went. I didn't fit in at school, I
• 0:25
  didn't fit in in my family and I felt like a somewhere I should
• 0:31
  have been somewhere else. But however, I all that changed
• 0:34
  when I picked up a drink and I be and that was just it at
• 0:39
  school and at a school dance and and had a drink and it changed
• 0:46
  something within me. I became confident.
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  I became a person that fitted in.
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  I became a person that was involved and that was a a
• 0:56
  wonderful thing. I remember the first time that I
• 0:59
  got drunk, I was at a school dance and I danced, which was an
• 1:04
  amazing thing and I met a girl and that was pretty amazing
• 1:10
  thing. Before the dance, Finiso was
• 1:13
  involved in a fight and that was pretty amazing thing.
• 1:16
  All three things were totally out of my realm.
• 1:20
  However, I got to school on the Monday and I was advised of my
• 1:23
  Franks by the school principal what took place on the at the
• 1:28
  school dance And for me it was like, well I've got some sort of
• 1:32
  reputation and I like it anyway. So I that began something.
• 1:37
  Alcohol wasn't a conscious thing but I began to drink.
• 1:41
  As I got older and left school early and drank.
• 1:46
  It became the norm for me and and I quickly found that I
• 1:50
  didn't have a cut off point. I drank and I drank till I
• 1:53
  dropped or I drank till I was arrested or I was drank till
• 1:56
  something took place to halt that run out of money, whatever
• 2:00
  whatever it was but I had, I didn't have any other way of
• 2:05
  drinking in me. I just drank and I didn't stop
• 2:09
  and I didn't understand that. I didn't really question that.
• 2:12
  But over time, what alcohol gave me started to take away from me.
• 2:19
  In as much as I turned into a different sort of person, I
• 2:23
  became a angry person, person that would get square pretty
• 2:29
  quickly on things with people. I was becoming violent.
• 2:35
  Police were involved in my life. When I was drink driving I had
• 2:40
  many car crashes. Some I got caught for, some I
• 2:43
  didn't do. U I's, 3D U I's.
• 2:47
  And yeah then geographical started to take place that is
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  going anywhere from where I was to another part of the country
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  trying to get a fresh start. And every time I would have to
• 3:01
  my fresh start would be would begin in a front bar of whatever
• 3:05
  town that was. And during that period I would
• 3:10
  make friends and I would quickly destroy them, and in the end I
• 3:15
  would leave those towns with the tower between my legs and full
• 3:17
  of shame. And some people were chasing me
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  as I left the town. So, and all happened when I
• 3:23
  drank, when I didn't drink. I was quiet as a mouse, full of
• 3:27
  regret, and didn't know how to communicate the same as I was
• 3:32
  when I was a child. So alcohol made a big difference
• 3:35
  to me but at the side effects of drinking for me would die off
• 3:40
  and the consequences were very very bad.
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  I I had a child and I severely neglected her.
• 3:48
  I I couldn't be a father to her. And and yeah it was a very sad
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  thing. However, things were very bad
• 3:57
  and circumstances took place and I was arrested again for violent
• 4:02
  act and and I was arrested in in Byron Bale Ballener actually.
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  And I was locked up and some pretty heavy charges were laid.
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  However, I was given some bail and my father was in town.
• 4:20
  This was quite a story in itself and my father's there and he's
• 4:23
  an alcoholic being served of 53 years by the time he died.
• 4:27
  But at that time he was there as more a an alky rather than my
• 4:31
  father. And he helped me to stay afloat.
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  I think just for a few days until I had to go back to court
• 4:41
  and sentence would be made. But I went to court with a guy
• 4:48
  from the Salvation Army. And this phone number was given
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  to me by the police when I left the cells during this guy.
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  And his name was Bob Prentice and he was a Salvation Army guy
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  and turned out that Bob was a recovering alcoholic and had
• 5:02
  been so over 10 years and told me his story.
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  I related very much to it and he asked if he could come to court
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  with me and recommend that I go into a long term drug and
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  alcohol rehab in preference to jail.
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  And that's how it went. I ended up at a rehab and that
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  rehab I was bailed there by the courts and that rehab was called
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  Miracle Haven, was run by the Salvation Army and it was a farm
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  500 acre farm with up to 90 men staying on his farm at any given
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  time. And and I was there for nearly
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  twelve months and in that 12 months I was introduced to
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  Alcoholics Anonymous and I went to lots of meetings.
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  I didn't really have any big conversion event or anything,
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  but it was really just an introductory time on this farm.
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  We also worked on that farm we worked for for our keep.
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  So I worked in a piggery there and looked after pigs and that
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  was turned out to be quite a good job.
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  I quite enjoyed that. And then we played lots of touch
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  footy after work and then we'd either go to Chapel or we'd go
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  to a A meetings or NA meetings, but it was a, you know, a pretty
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  full on experience being involved in something like that.
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  We were busy from the sun up to sundown and and there's a lot of
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  camaraderie built in those places and a lot of resentments
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  built in those places as well. But at the end of my 12 months
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  in rehab the Salvos considered me well enough to leave and I
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  then was left on my own to get either to make some decisions
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  about what I'm going to do post rehab.
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  And and I moved into a house in Newtown in Sydney with my
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  brother and and I remember what do I do now.
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  And I went to an A A meeting that night and I went to a
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  meeting in Newtown and that began something pretty good.
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  I went to lots of meetings, went to meetings every day and I sort
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  of caught up with a few of the guys that I was in rehab with.
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  And we spent time going to meetings together around Sydney
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  and that's all we did. I remember sitting in meetings
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  being terrified of being asked to speak and sitting in meetings
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  one if I actually fit in there in the A, A.
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  And I didn't really understand what was going on, but I just
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  kept going and hoping that something was going to change in
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  me. Been there for a long time and
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  on the outside my life probably improved in in as much as I was
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  able to work again and it's got a job at the Royal Botanic
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  Gardens in Sydney. And then I got a girlfriend, I
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  got a car and I was living in a nice place and that all looked
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  good and I didn't know if there was anything more to life
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  anyway, but that was as good as it got.
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  But on the inside, nothing was really changing.
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  I was still a shy and anxious ridden person.
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  Didn't really understand how to communicate.
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  Not very good at and most of everything I was doing was
• 8:09
  faking it, trying to be somebody I wasn't and and I deserved for
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  four years, 4 1/2 years. And at the end of that I picked
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  up a drink and it was something I'd been wanting to do for at
• 8:22
  least 6 to 12 months prior to actually doing.
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  And I picked up a six pack of VB stubbies and I remember them
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  looking at them at the with my car just on the passenger seat
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  and contemplating. And then I drank them and and I
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  went into the city that night and nothing crazy happened.
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  It wasn't a great night. It wasn't a bad night.
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  It was just like I had a few beers and there was no issues.
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  But the difference was when I woke up the next day and all I
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  wanted to do was drink. It was a whole new concept for
• 8:58
  me. Here we go again.
• 9:01
  But I held off as long as I could.
• 9:03
  I tried to convince myself that it'll be OK this time.
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  I know how to drink properly. I've learned a lot.
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  But within a very short space of time, I was back to where I left
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  off. And worse, my drinking just
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  escalated so quickly and I was kicked out of where I was
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  living. 1st girl I met was in a hotel and she was a heroin
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  addict and we shared a house together and she had two young
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  kids and I'm drinking myself to death and she's using lots of
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  heroin and lots of lies and deception in that house And and
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  then the police are getting involved with my violence again
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  in in pubs and getting thrown out of pubs And DU I's happened
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  again and domestic violence, everything was in there and this
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  is exactly what happens when I drink and that was a horrible,
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  horrible, horrible period of my life.
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  It was went for a whole year of that before, through pretty
• 10:01
  amazing circumstances, I got back to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  And when I got back to Alcoholics Anonymous, I I didn't
• 10:08
  have a lot of hope. But I just turned up and
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  ultimately I was taken aside by one of the members who offered
• 10:16
  to take me through the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book
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  and get me started on the 12 steps of a A.
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  This is something I've never done.
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  There's a whole new thing for me.
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  And yeah, this guy was very serious about what we're doing
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  and I became very serious about what we're doing.
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  And as a consequence, I really started with tend A, A with
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  gusto and with real meaning and real purpose.
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  And a lot of my fears started to leave me as I got more involved
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  in A A and I joined a group. I was secondary of that group
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  for a period. I've got a a a sponsor who's
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  been around a long time and he's a very spiritual man and he was
• 10:53
  a great guide for me. I sponsored others so I was a
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  very dedicated member of Alcoholics synonymous again and
• 11:03
  in more so in in by getting involved with the program itself
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  and I went on for a long time and yeah I stayed cyber to this
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  day. It was 26 years ago I got back
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  to A and and in that 26 years a lot's taken place and some good
• 11:23
  and some not so good and some periods that I I lived on the
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  edge in regards to my sobriety. I but I think probably for the
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  first three years I went to meetings, meetings twice a day.
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  The advice given to me was not to work.
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  I need to just say on the disability support pension which
• 11:43
  I was on and just go to meetings and that's what I did twice a
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  day got heavily involved and which built a great foundation.
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  And and then I I've got, I was living in a boarding house when
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  I first went into a A the second time.
• 12:01
  And I'll really I got out of that place and got a unit to
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  rent and I got an opportunity to buy that unit and I bought that
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  unit. And you know that's a lot of
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  good things happening in my life and I felt good.
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  A lot of that stuff that had weighed me downwards, leaving me
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  and that's the result of this program.
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  I eventually got married, I was about 8 years sober and I met my
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  wife and and that was a beautiful part of this whole
• 12:27
  recovery. I ended up buying a house,
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  selling the flat, buying a house, keep going to a A.
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  My wife was a churchgoer so I started going to church with her
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  and and life couldn't have been better.
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  I was healthy in mind, body and spirit.
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  I yeah I think into our then I went to university and studied
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  and now I got a Bachelor of Nursing degree and completed
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  that and did some nursing general nursing.
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  And then I went back and did a postgraduate degree in mental
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  health nursing and I began work in mental health and the all the
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  boards around Adelaide, whether it be in Glenside or Ron McEwan
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  or at Queen Elizabeth and eventually at James Dash House.
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  And while I was studying and getting all these great things
• 13:24
  happening to me, things started to slip.
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  And as much as I didn't attend AA, as much as I had been, I
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  was, my focuses were elsewhere. My recovery wasn't at the top of
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  my list and and I suffered as a result of that.
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  I didn't drink you know my wife sad to see a different man
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  appear and I couldn't see him at all.
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  Then a person who was started to become judgmental and critical
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  and and difficult to live with so and then I eventually I that
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  I'd be in a A meetings and I'd be getting you know I wouldn't
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  have a very good opinion of some of the people in there And so
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  this alcoholism is a disease of perception and if I'm not
• 14:12
  treating my my illness I start to see things in different light
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  and even some of the finest people I was seeing in a
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  different light and then that's not them that's all about me and
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  and that's alcoholism. So I basically continued on my
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  way until things just became harder and harder and I I just a
• 14:34
  bit skipped out of all of a A altogether.
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  My sponsor passed away and then that was about the end of a A
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  for me and and about two years ago I could see how rough my
• 14:44
  life was and I needed to make some changes and and I really
• 14:51
  didn't really know what to do except go back to IA and I went
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  back to an I A meeting and that's about two years ago and
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  and that was exactly what I needed to do.
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  And then I went to another meeting on the same day that
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  night and then the Wednesday spiritual speakers meeting and I
• 15:08
  attended that and I enjoyed it so much.
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  So I joined the group that night.
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  I started to do the things that we do in AAA that keep us well
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  and I had said and started attending meetings not many but
• 15:19
  just a couple of week and and then started to get involved in
• 15:23
  some service. And my my home life was pretty
• 15:28
  damaged from the period that I wasn't attending meetings and
• 15:32
  that culminated eventually in my wife leaving and going your own
• 15:37
  way which was devastating for me.
• 15:40
  But I've I I just have to dig into a a a whole lot more and
• 15:45
  that's just been really good for me and as we try to sort out our
• 15:47
  marriage but my sobriety is the thing that gets damaged if I
• 15:51
  don't treat it and then everything in my life gets
• 15:54
  damaged. So I'm very fortunate that I'm
• 15:58
  doing what I'm doing in as much as I have work.
• 16:02
  I have a house that I own. My wife and I are trying to sort
• 16:07
  things out, but I still, you know, I'm attending more and
• 16:10
  more a a meetings. I have a sponsor again, which is
• 16:14
  really good. I've been.
• 16:16
  I went through the steps again of this stuff, completed the
• 16:19
  seventh steps, about to start the 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and
• 16:22
  12th. And that was what works.
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  That's what treats alcoholism. My abolism runs riot.
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  I don't need to drink, but I can still fall into those same old
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  patterns of living that eventually will take me to
• 16:34
  drink. And I'm very fortunate that I've
• 16:36
  stayed sober and I'm going to continue on in that vein.
• 16:40
  The things I do today are very basic.
• 16:44
  I've got to pray in life together today.
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  I didn't have a spiritual bone in my body once, but you know, I
• 16:49
  love to pray and I love the results of prayer and it gives
• 16:53
  me great solace. And I was taught that in
• 16:55
  Alcoholics Anonymous. I work with others.
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  I secretary of a meeting now and do the service there.
• 17:03
  And these are all great things for me.
• 17:07
  On the road to Wellness again and enjoying that road, I'm
• 17:10
  building up relationships within the fellowship again, which is
• 17:13
  really good for me. My Alcoholics Anonymous story is
• 17:16
  exactly as I've just told it. It's been one of coming and
• 17:21
  going and coming and going and I want to come and stay today.
• 17:25
  So it's about staying and staying the course and the the
• 17:28
  rest will look after itself. I'm a member of our college
• 17:32
  Anonymous now for nearly 30 years and in that time I've been
• 17:38
  sober for all, all of it but for one year.
• 17:41
  But I haven't been mentally well or emotionally well in all that
• 17:44
  time that's come in fits and spirits.
• 17:47
  But this disease is pretty nasty and it it, it wants to herb and
• 17:54
  it stay and it works between my ears in my head.
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  And that's where the damage occurs.
• 18:02
  That's where my perceptions occur.
• 18:04
  That's where the the crux of my problems lie between my ears.
• 18:10
  So I start to believe my own thinking.
• 18:12
  My own thinking is skewed and not actually very accurate.
• 18:19
  I rely on working with other people and being involved in the
• 18:22
  fellowship and doing the work and reading the literature and
• 18:25
  listening to tapes to keep my thinking in good order.
• 18:30
  So as a result of that, I stay sober today.
• 18:33
  I'm a happy Joyce and free member of our colleagues,
• 18:35
  Anonymous and I whatever I do, what I do, it will.
• 18:39
  It will remain that way. Life comes and goes.
• 18:41
  Life has its moments. Life has its ups and downs.
• 18:43
  There are other things in life, but without my sobriety, the
• 18:47
  other things in life get treated very poorly.
• 18:50
  So I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and thank
• 18:53
  you for listening to me.