Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 59: Monday Moment: Fan Mail from My Mom

Transcript

59: Monday Moment: Fan Mail from My Mom · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:01
  Speaker: Hello, friends, and happy Monday.
• 0:03
  Speaker: Recently, I received an email from my podcast hosting platform letting me know I had fan mail.
• 0:10
  Speaker: And I gotta admit, I was pretty excited.
• 0:13
  Speaker: I don't get fan mail every day, and I really love hearing from people who listen to the podcast.
• 0:18
  Speaker: So I open the message, and right away I notice the sender's city and the last four digits of their phone number because, well, that's the only identifying information that the platform includes.
• 0:29
  Speaker: And immediately I realized the message was from my mom.
• 0:35
  Speaker: She had sent me fan mail, and I laughed out loud.
• 0:41
  Speaker: I don't know why, but there's just something so wonderfully mom about sending your 55-year-old daughter fan mail for her And if you know my mom, her message was exactly what you'd expect.
• 0:54
  Speaker: It was sweet, it was encouraging, and it was loving.
• 0:57
  Speaker: And after I stopped grinning, it made me think, not so much about moms, but about how differently she spoke to me than I tend to speak to myself.
• 1:09
  Speaker: Now, I know not everyone grew up with a nurturing mom.
• 1:13
  Speaker: Some of us received a lot of encouragement growing up, and some of us did not.
• 1:20
  Speaker: But I think most of us know what it feels like to be spoken to with warmth, whether that came from a parent or a grandparent or a teacher or a friend or someone else who saw something good in us.
• 1:32
  Speaker: And it made me wonder, what if we learned to speak to ourselves that way?
• 1:37
  Speaker: Because if you're anything like me, that's usually not your default.
• 1:42
  Speaker: When that inner voice shows up, you know, the one that's judging you or trying to convince you that you're not good enough, my instinct isn't to respond with compassion.
• 1:53
  Speaker: Usually, well, if I'm feeling feisty, I'll argue with that voice.
• 2:00
  Speaker: But on other days, I just simply believe it.
• 2:04
  Speaker: But what if just for a moment we imagine that that critical inner voice belonged to a younger version of us, a younger version who's simply scared of being judged, scared of uncertainty, scared of being embarrassed, scared of making mistakes, scared of being rejected.
• 2:22
  Speaker: And the only way she's ever learned to keep us safe is by trying to keep us small, and she does this by being critical.
• 2:30
  Speaker: How disarming would it be to respond to her with appreciation for what she's trying to do and why she's trying to do it?
• 2:40
  Speaker: Over the years, I've come across this idea of speaking to our younger selves with compassion.
• 2:48
  Speaker: It's something I've tried, but not for many years.
• 2:51
  Speaker: So this morning, I sat down with a picture of myself at six years of age, and I looked at younger Tania.
• 3:00
  Speaker: I looked her in the eyes with as much compassion as I could, and essentially told her she wasn't alone, and she didn't need to be afraid.
• 3:11
  Speaker: Now, if this sounds weird, let me say that it does feel weird to do this.
• 3:16
  Speaker: But the tears in my eyes told me that emotionally, something shifted.
• 3:22
  Speaker: And then eventually, I found myself smiling because I was reminded that today, the adult version of Tania is far more resourced, far more capable, and more resilient than that little girl ever had the chance to be.
• 3:38
  Speaker: So today, here's my invitation.
• 3:41
  Speaker: The next time that fearful voice gets loud, instead of treating it like the enemy, get curious and ask yourself, "What part of me is afraid right now?" Maybe grab a picture of your younger self if it helps you connect with that part of you, and then imagine you're speaking to someone who's frightened instead of someone who needs fixing.
• 4:04
  Speaker: Consider what would you say to her?
• 4:08
  Speaker: How would you reassure her?
• 4:10
  Speaker: And then actually say those words out loud if you can, and see what shifts.
• 4:18
  Speaker: Okay, friend, those are my Monday morning thoughts, and I wish you a blessed day.