Latest / The Action Catalyst / Become Unstoppable, with Alden Mills (Leadership, Positive Mindset, Military, Accountability)

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Become Unstoppable, with Alden Mills (Leadership, Positive Mindset, Military, Accountability) · The Action Catalyst

0:00
Alden Mills: How are you?
0:36
Stephanie Maas: I'm well, how are you?
0:48
Alden Mills: I'm doing great. It's a little crazy over here.
0:52
But it's an honor to be here.
0:54
Stephanie Maas: So I've got a silly question to start. How
0:56
many pushups did you do this morning?
0:58
Alden Mills: Ha, oh, you know, probably five.
1:04
Stephanie Maas: I appreciate the honest answer.
1:05
Alden Mills: Yeah, I didn't do a lot this morning.
1:09
Stephanie Maas: Well, first of all, thank you so much for
1:11
spending this time with us. Obviously, as you know, an
1:14
incredibly impressive background. Thank you for your
1:17
service. And this idea of discovering the vulnerability
1:21
that you can't do it alone. I think so many of us are trained
1:27
that asking for help is a weakness. Can you talk to me a
1:30
little bit about where that came from with you, etc.
1:33
Alden Mills: The very first place that I discovered that you
1:38
definitely can't do it yourself. I had been diagnosed with asthma
1:41
at the age of 12. Well, that I should lead a less active
1:44
lifestyle. And mom had totally different ideas on that. And she
1:50
would say things like, no, no one finds what you can do. But
1:53
you you decide what you can do. And as I went down that journey,
1:57
and at the time, it was a physical goal that I was really
2:00
out there. I just wanted to be good at something physically.
2:02
Well, I was terrible at every ball sport I tried. And then I
2:06
find the sport of rowing, where I could sit on my butt and go
2:09
backwards for long periods of time. And I was like, Hey, I
2:11
could do this. But it was during that time period that I realized
2:15
it was such a hard training evolution, I really needed
2:19
support. It was only because a senior came down when I was a
2:23
sophomore. And he said he wants you to come train with me. And
2:27
it was because of him that I saw the power of what it was like
2:31
working together instead of alone. Fast forward seven years.
2:36
I'm in basic training and SEAL team. And we had this seal
2:40
instructor, the thick Boston accent. And he would say there
2:45
ain't no Rambo's and SEAL team, you think you're a Rambo, we're
2:49
gonna weed you out, every one of us got a weakness, we got to
2:53
find each other to take care of each other's weakness. And he
2:56
would keep going after us on this no Rambo concept. And it's
3:00
the polar opposite in SEAL team. Seal Team is designed SEAL
3:05
training, it's designed to find your weakness exploit it, you
3:08
confront it. And then you find and surround yourself with
3:11
people who don't have that weakness. And I found a lot of
3:14
those weaknesses was another seven years after that I'm
3:16
sitting in business school. And I find a whole bunch of
3:20
weaknesses. There were engineering and spreadsheets, I
3:23
couldn't even figure out what a spreadsheet was at first, and
3:26
how quickly I needed to build teams and teams that were based
3:30
around my vulnerabilities. And I had to be vulnerable enough to
3:34
let them know, this is what I am terrible at, I suck at this. But
3:39
here's the one thing I can do really well. And the faster that
3:43
we would come together, you were breaking through this
3:47
vulnerability layer of ice that all of a sudden, everyone felt
3:50
so much more comfortable. And from that I've built multiple
3:54
companies really based off of the vulnerability of being self
3:58
aware enough to know I can't do it all then you got the
4:02
opportunity to be on stop altogether.
4:05
Stephanie Maas: is trusting other people. I mean, a lot of
4:12
folks, especially in leadership positions, they have this
4:17
reputation of being control freaks. So how do you build that
4:22
trust? And we know I mean, people are human, they're gonna
4:25
let us down. When they do. How do you keep going with that?
4:30
Alden Mills: You can't have any team without trust. Trust is the
4:33
absolute number one single fundamental, when you are
4:37
meeting somebody for the first time, I want you to think about
4:41
the fact that they're all wearing a pair of Terminator
4:43
glasses. At one point the camera switches to be what you can see
4:49
from the terminators point of view through those classes right
4:52
and now you're seeing a heads up display for the first time and,
4:56
and facial recognition as she's walking into the bar looking for
4:59
Sarah Eric honor that his Sakana. Right, and then all hell
5:03
breaks loose. That's what people are doing. But it's not Sarah
5:06
Connor now. It's Can I trust this leader, and the number one
5:11
filter they're looking at is, can I trust this person? Can I
5:15
be safe enough to be vulnerable enough to tell this person, this
5:20
isn't the way we should go, or I have a better idea or, you know,
5:24
let me give you this suggestion. And the reason they're going to
5:27
be doing that is they're waiting for you to take the first step
5:30
on trust. And here's how I want you to think of trust. Trust is
5:34
like a boom array, you're going to have to put out a bunch of
5:37
energy, send it out into the universe, sometimes it's going
5:41
to come right back to you. And it's going to be overwhelmingly
5:44
positive energy. And sometimes that Boomerang is lost doesn't
5:48
come back. But if you can get comfortable with the fact that
5:51
if you lead with love, as your main driver of emotion, you'll
5:56
always give more trust, because you know that those that send a
6:01
boomerang of trust back to you, the force multipliers for you,
6:05
those that don't, they're wounded, they're insecure, they
6:09
have stunted their own gross, they will only always be about
6:13
themselves, they won't ever be able to team up to the level
6:16
that you're looking for. And maybe over time, if you remain
6:19
consistent, they'll come to the light with you. But if you
6:22
always grow freak, that's leading with fear. And when you
6:27
lead with fear, you are much more apt not to take the risks,
6:31
you're going to be worried so much about getting just the next
6:35
thing, right, you're going to miss the opportunities that are
6:37
around the corner, because you're too concerned about what
6:40
is going to happen to you, you must be concerned about how to
6:43
help others. When you add those components together, then
6:48
they'll understand. And they'll start daring, a little bit more.
6:52
I use the term daring because trust is built off of care, I
6:57
developed what's called the care loop. I made an acronym out of
7:00
care, which is connected Qi and respect and power. And it's a
7:03
loop and I think of it like a flywheel. And to get the
7:07
flywheel up and spinning. You have to give Forrest your care
7:11
to others when they may not care if you do that consistently
7:14
enough. And people feel cared for may feel like Hey, Stephanie
7:18
has gotten her back. It's okay, if I go out and try something
7:21
I've never done before. Because I know if I fail, she's got my
7:24
back. And she will take care of me. And that caring leads to
7:29
daring, builds the trust that allows people to dare for you.
7:35
Stephanie Maas: Going in a little bit different direction.
7:37
So one of the things I learned in your background was from a
7:39
young age, you've always had this invention oriented mindset.
7:44
But your first I think major launching was the perfect
7:49
pushup, right?
7:49
Alden Mills: No, I had two companies before that, that were
7:53
fantastic failures.
7:55
Stephanie Maas: Okay, well, let's talk about coming back
7:58
from failure.
7:59
Alden Mills: Well, let me tell you, my first big failure that I
8:02
thought I had done so spectacularly wrong was leaving
8:07
SEAL team, you know, when you leave SEAL team, they have you
8:10
stand up in front of the entire team, and they say, Hey, Bailey,
8:15
I cried. That day was awful. And about a week later, you know, I
8:18
jump out of a helicopter for my last day. And then a week later,
8:22
I'm sitting in a quantitative skills review program at
8:25
Carnegie Mellon University, and it looks Greek on the board. I'm
8:29
like, Oh, my God, what have I done. And I went back into
8:33
reserves. And my wife says to me, she's like, well, you know,
8:37
I'll support whatever you'd like to do. But if you really want to
8:40
be this entrepreneur that you keep talking about, now, it'd be
8:42
the time to do it, we don't have kids just have a dog. At that
8:46
point, is when, you know, I turned my first big failure of
8:51
this civilian experience into something where I figured I
8:56
could make it. And that turn was making the shift from Oh, it's
9:02
all about the money to know what's really important to me.
9:06
And what's really important to me, is the joy I got from
9:10
serving others. I then was sitting there as a civilian and
9:13
I was like, Well, how's the best way I can serve others. And that
9:16
became helping people take control their bodies, it was the
9:20
summer of 2006 when we invented the perfect pushup.
9:25
Stephanie Maas: Very interesting. You know, you often
9:27
hear people say, hey, you know, you learn more from your
9:29
failures and your successes and so forth. And I think that just
9:32
speaks to that quite a bit.
9:34
Alden Mills: I failed way more than I've succeeded. But if you
9:37
ain't failing, you ain't trying.
9:39
Stephanie Maas: Talk to me about this idea of a swim buddy.
9:41
Alden Mills: A swim buddy is a Navy SEAL term, or the smallest
9:45
team in SEAL team. You know, you never go in the water by
9:49
yourself. There's always another person who even developed a
9:51
stroke where you can look at each other. It's a modified
9:55
sidestroke and then you can switch sides. If one side of
9:58
your party gets more tired than the other But you never do
10:01
anything without your swim buddy, the swim buddy concept,
10:04
the real important element of the swim buddy is the the
10:08
emotional component of the moments when you're not thinking
10:12
you can make it. And the other ones putting their arm around
10:15
you going, No, no, we got this. That's that's typically how SEAL
10:19
teams started was, hey, we'll take the missions no one else
10:22
wants, and we'll figure out how to get it done. And so you're
10:24
constantly looking at the impossible. And having somebody
10:28
there to find the possibilities in impossible is really
10:34
critical. And no person is a fort. And yes, we get scared. I
10:40
get scared and forgive every public speech I get.
10:43
Stephanie Maas: Well, you did a really good job of hiding your
10:46
nervousness and talking with me today. So I appreciate that.
10:48
Alden Mills: Well, you know, that laser focus you're giving
10:51
me right now in a terribly beautiful smile...terrified.
10:57
Stephanie Maas: Yes, I could see that. Oh, my gosh. Okay, let's
11:02
talk about mantras. Talk to me about some of the mantras when
11:05
you need a little mental motivation.
11:07
Alden Mills: Let's talk about the positivity gym. Um, first of
11:10
all, I'm a visual learner, I think of everything and kind of
11:13
visualize the thing, whatever that is. And so I have this idea
11:17
that we all have a positivity gym. And if you think of it as
11:22
positivity as a gym, it's actually a great metaphor.
11:25
Because, you know, I'll stand on stage and ask people, Hey, who's
11:30
done 23andme? Or some genetic testing like that? Lots of hands
11:33
go up? Who got the positivity gene? Did you get it? You asked
11:38
to God? And I can tell you're smiling. And they're like, no,
11:42
nobody got it, because there's no screening for it. Because
11:44
there's no gene that exists for it, or positivity comes down to
11:49
us. It's up to us to drive that. So how do you do that, we got to
11:55
go to the gym, we got to exercise, one of the key
11:57
exercises in the positivity gym is a push pull exercise. So the
12:03
push pole exercise is really what I call playing the opposite
12:08
game, or in the opposite games means that the moment you got
12:11
something negative that you decided to switch your focus on,
12:14
you have to understand all of human nature, all of nature is
12:20
designed to meet at homeostasis, which is a balance, which means
12:25
for every negative there is a positive every time a failure
12:31
occurred. Well, there's some positives to that failure. And
12:34
the positive is, you know, like Thomas Edison, I learned 10,000
12:38
ways not to make a light bulb. So you do the push pull again,
12:42
another one is getting deeply curious about whatever the issue
12:48
is, if it's with another person, and you're struggling, give me
12:53
three ways that you can love that person. Now that person may
12:57
have done something really bad, but you get to drive that kind
13:01
of curiosity, it will flip a switch and force the brain to
13:05
get off of whatever the negative thought is you're attaching to,
13:11
and shift your focus to where that positivity is. Now, before
13:15
I give you a third positivity gym example, I really needed to
13:19
explain Focus. Focus is like a funnel, that funnels your energy
13:24
into taking an action, we control it. And we all have a
13:28
focus funnel. The key thing about dealing with any kind of
13:33
negativity is it's up to us what we're deciding to take our focus
13:39
model in funnel energy and do attach to that thought that's an
13:44
either hurtful or helpful until we take our energy and attach to
13:49
it. And we do it by using this focus funnel of ours. Now, give
13:54
me a third positivity gym exercise. And that's really
13:59
dealing with perspective. When you find yourself in a position.
14:05
Where are my gosh, we you know, we failed again, look, look
14:08
what's happened. That's the reason you keep a workout log.
14:13
As you can see, over time, oh, look, I'm actually getting
14:18
stronger, or I've lost weight or getting faster, whatever the
14:21
metrics are that you're doing. But perspective is so powerful
14:26
over that time period, if you can track your progress, no
14:30
matter how slight it is, that is your fuel to always move
14:35
forward. Your progress is your fuel for persistence.
14:39
Stephanie Maas: And I really like that that fuel for
14:40
persistence.
14:42
Alden Mills: That's the name of the game, Stephanie. It's
14:43
getting up and taking the next action. That's the whole point,
14:46
not 10 actions from now just the next one. It's all you have to
14:49
do.
14:50
Stephanie Maas: These seem logical. You simplify them,
14:54
which is great. People still don't do them. Why not?
14:57
Alden Mills: Well, my very first season instructor from the Deep
15:01
South. He walked with a limp because he was missing his left
15:06
buttcheek, because it got blown off by a rocket propelled
15:08
grenade, called instructor half-butt. You know, what my job
15:13
is, is to create a conversation and here that's going to drive
15:16
you to make a decision are what you're going to focus on, you're
15:20
going to focus on the pain and train it, or you're going to
15:22
focus on the pleasure that training can provide you. Now I
15:25
know for a fact over 80% of you, you're going to focus on the
15:29
pain, you know why? Because you're all focused on being a
15:32
seal on a sunny day, your country, she don't need seals on
15:35
sunny days, she needs them aren't scary days, when it's
15:38
cold, and it's dark, and it's wet. And that crack over your
15:43
head. Where that a thunder or somebody warning you did a bad
15:47
you want to see on that day, you all want to be a seal on a sunny
15:51
day. So the secret here is deciding what you got to focus
15:54
on it in complicated. It's just hard. It's hard to lead yourself
16:00
to decide what you're going to focus on. It ain't complicated.
16:04
It's just hard. I think people get things way too complicated.
16:09
And then they get overwhelmed and I can't do it. I don't have
16:12
enough time for this. Forget about it. Every person that I
16:15
coach, all about just giving them the confidence to take the
16:20
next action. That's the only action that matters. It's this
16:24
present moment, present moment. For instance, you and me being
16:28
together, everything that I can give that can be helpful to you.
16:32
It's this moment that matters. When people decide they can't do
16:37
it. Most of the time, they've made a decision to focus on just
16:42
the sunny day, and realize the moment and anything comes down
16:45
to the Heart Day. Well, that's I'm not here for those days, I
16:49
only want to sunny days, you know who doesn't want to be the
16:52
head of sales on a sunny day, who doesn't want to be an
16:54
entrepreneur on the sunny days. Those aren't the days however,
16:58
that gives you the greatest growth. The days that give you
17:01
the greatest growth are the days with the greatest friction,
17:04
right struggle builds strength, that's the only way we grow. And
17:08
until people flip the switch to realize, Hey, I gotta go to the
17:11
gym. Right? The gym is a friction home, it's there to
17:17
give you the resistance, metaphorically and literally, to
17:21
build the muscle strength that you need to be able to overcome
17:26
the obstacles. And then eventually, what I'm really
17:30
after is training people to look at the obstacle, the
17:33
celebration, because those are your opportunities. And when we
17:39
start getting that now we've got an unstoppable mindset. Because
17:44
every obstacle becomes an opportunity. Every problem is a
17:48
possibility. The struggle builds the strength, the mindset is
17:52
then bringing on. That's what we're after. But that's hard.
17:57
That's hard to get people to embrace the idea that they need
18:02
to do the hard things that they need to be comfortable being
18:06
uncomfortable. And when we get people to make the switch to
18:11
enjoy the struggle, well, then we've got the real opportunities
18:15
for building success. I wouldn't go just willy nilly for
18:19
everything.
18:21
Stephanie Maas: Right.
18:22
Alden Mills: We also need to recharge, putting yourself in
18:26
areas of friction is exhausting. And you need the energy. And if
18:30
you're out of balance on the physical side, because you think
18:33
well, it's not that important that I get sleep or good
18:36
nutrition, or exercise, which is what I call how you see sleep,
18:41
eat and exercise in that order, then your physical platform
18:46
isn't optimized, or the stamina, or the struggle, and the
18:50
struggle will come from the mental emotional side. And from
18:54
the spiritual side, you really need to be able to practice
18:57
faith because the world has too many things coming at us. We
19:01
can't handle all the things coming at us. And if you start
19:04
to focus on all the negatives of everything that's out there,
19:08
then you'll be so overwhelmed with fear that you'll never push
19:13
yourself beyond your horizon of your potential. So you have to
19:16
learn to practice faith. And I'm not here to tell you which faith
19:21
of religious doctrine practice that's second definition in the
19:26
dictionary. I'm after the first definition in the dictionary for
19:30
faith in that is having 100% confidence in someone or
19:36
something other than yourself. And when you have faith in
19:40
someone else, then you can let go and when you're able to let
19:45
go and only focus on the things that you can control and have
19:49
faith that the others have your back or some higher power has
19:53
your back and that you will deal with whatever comes down your
19:56
way. Then you can walk through the deepest shadows was valleys
20:01
of doubt. And you were like the way to your success.
20:05
Stephanie Maas: You mentioned earlier in the call your mom
20:07
being very influential in helping you decide that, hey, we
20:10
get the doctor said this, I disagree, we're going to do
20:13
things differently. Did you grow up with this strong sense of
20:17
something bigger greater than yourself? Where did that come
20:19
from?
20:20
Alden Mills: Mom was definitely my first leadership coach, no
20:23
doubt about it, Dad was close behind. He just had a different
20:26
tact. And it happened through a series of, of challenges where I
20:33
wanted to achieve something, but I kept falling short. And then I
20:37
got to this point in every one of these challenges where I saw
20:42
the opportunity, but I had to let go in give all of myself to
20:48
whatever the challenge was, in the first challenge, it would
20:51
have been rowing where my hands got so infected, and I had to
20:54
tape them up and came down this one last big race, or this final
20:59
seat as a sophomore in the pain was so overwhelming that all I
21:03
could do was cry, because I couldn't let go the or I taped
21:07
my heads and circles. When you're going through SEAL
21:13
training, you get to this point where you're like, oh, my gosh,
21:15
I could die right now. And I remember flipping the switch
21:19
going, well, this is what I want to do. So they're going to have
21:22
to kill me, because I'm not going to quit. And I don't think
21:24
I was alone there. I think there are lots of guys they get there.
21:27
You know, and I looked at bankruptcy three different
21:30
times. With my business, you get to this point where you're like,
21:34
there has to be another way I just am not going to go
21:38
bankrupt. And you get to that point, three different times. I
21:42
mean, could God we had 2009, which was some of the height of
21:49
perfect push up years. The bank decides they want to call her
21:53
loan in $15 million loan and I was personally guaranteed. I
21:58
don't have $15 million house. Yeah, and tend to that. And they
22:03
sent people out to value our home be like, well, how quickly
22:06
can we liquidate things with wall wall, whoa, we're gonna
22:09
figure out a way here. They wanted 30 days, I wanted 300.
22:13
And they thought I was crazy. 293 days later, I pulled him
22:17
back, I paid him back in full with interest. But that was a
22:20
trust game. We got him to trust us. If you get a banker to trust
22:23
you, you're doing something, right. So you practice this,
22:28
this faith, practice these opportunities every time you
22:32
keep pushing for something outside your grasp beyond your
22:37
horizon of what you can see to where you believe. And I often
22:42
talk about this horizon. And we're all the captains of our
22:46
own ships. But we can't see that far. You know, you're a six foot
22:50
tall person acting like Jesus standing on a dead calm day
22:54
looking at the sea, you can only see two and a half 2.9 miles for
22:59
the horizon drops off. But your goal is way past the horizon.
23:04
And most people are like, they won't even dream there is like,
23:06
well, I can only see you know, seeing is believing like No, no,
23:09
it's the total opposite. You have to believe in first, that
23:13
you can do something before you can see what you really want,
23:16
which is way past that horizon. That goes back to practicing
23:19
that faith, and you get yourself into that process. And over the
23:23
years, it will help you cement your confidence in your
23:29
capabilities. Great question, Stephanie.
23:32
Stephanie Maas: So in the time we have remaining, just give me
23:34
a quick kind of preview on your books, the training that you do
23:38
the speaking that you do, because this has been really
23:41
good. And I can see a lot of our folks saying, Hey, that was a
23:43
great introduction. Where can I get more?
23:44
Alden Mills: Well, I feel my highest use of helping others is
23:47
helping them be unstoppable achieving something they're not
23:51
sure they could do. I early on a catch myself to the word
23:55
unstoppable because to be unstoppable means you've been
23:58
stopped. You've been stuck. You can't be unstoppable. If you
24:02
haven't been there. You gotta be there. Right? You need the
24:06
struggle of being stuck, to get unstuck, to go from stop to
24:09
unstoppable so I have two books they're called Be unstoppable.
24:13
The essential actions to succeed in anything and unstoppable
24:17
teams, four essential actions to high performance leadership. And
24:21
I'll have a new book called unstoppable mindset, how to use
24:25
what you have to get what you want. I'm all about the three
24:28
levels of leadership leading yourself leading teams and then
24:32
leading the cultures of your organization. And you can find
24:36
me at Alden dash mills.com and I'm also the creator with a dear
24:40
friend of mine have a free app called goal bud and it's a place
24:44
where people can enter in their goals quickly form a goal team
24:48
and create commitments to help each other stay on track to take
24:52
the next action goal but that's where I hope to help 100 million
24:56
people achieve goals and success.
24:58
Stephanie Maas: This has been so awesome, thank you so much for
25:01
your willingness to come and spend some time.
25:04
Alden Mills: Thank you. And, you know, I just want to say, I'm
25:07
really excited to come on this podcast. I love the messaging
25:10
that you do for this podcast. More people need to hear and get
25:14
motivated and inspired, that it's inside of them. It's their
25:17
habit. They were built to be unstoppable. They just need
25:21
somebody's I love it. Just remind people that unstoppable
25:24
is a choice. That's their leadership decision. They get to
25:27
decide every day, all they got to do is take one action, they
25:31
can actually download in gold bug building their first gold
25:34
buddy swim buddy team, and then creating a commitment to like,
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hey, let's do this. Just 15, 20 minutes, 30 minutes a day and
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watch how that will build their momentum.
25:44
Stephanie Maas: Thank you.
25:45
Alden Mills: Thank you. Keep caring, Stephanie. Go forth and
25:48
be unstoppable.
25:50
Stephanie Maas: Yes, sir. You got it.