Latest / Watts Up with Bowling Green Winlectric / Behind the Mission: BRASS and the Fight for Survivors
Transcript
- Savannah Gillispie: Hey guys, Sean with Winlectric up with Wynlectric? This episode, we're joined by Tori, me your last name again. Hinninger. Hinninger, dang it. knew, listen, I did so well on the promo. Anyway, see you're getting to see what it's like when I mess up on the promo, except this isn't the promo, Tori, so. My favorite part of every podcast is the humanness that comes the microphones. I'm very human, very human. So Tori, Tori, she is with BRASS, which as you may or may not know ⁓ Barren River Area Safe Space. So before we kind of get into the BRASS tax of BRASS what you guys do, can you tell? What's up, Wynn Electric? But it's W-A-T-T and then. Yes, it is. So anyway, can you tell us a little bit about yourself ⁓ of what led you to working with brass? Sure. So I have a firm belief that people are either built for for-profit or non-profit work. When I was in college, I got a degree communication well, I really like to talk. And I decided that I needed figure out how to make that a career. And so ⁓ exploring all the options, I realized that my heart really was in to build ⁓ opportunities people that they can also have better opportunities in the future. And so my first was working the WKU Alumni Association where I did a lot of like student programming and that's when I figured out I'm built for nonprofit work. love for-profits, for-profit to give us money. I that takes both sides ⁓ in a It takes the people who have that drive to ⁓ make money it takes that drive for people to want to impact communities in different way. And I think both of those are really incredibly important. And so when the opportunity came about, you know, I worked for the Alumni Association for almost 10 years when I saw an the opportunity for brass and I knew that wanted to work for a nonprofit. I knew that this was an opportunity for to use my big voice and to get to have a chance in able to a difference for people hear their stories and use my broad shoulders to the ⁓ and heaviness that other people have felt. relieve them long enough for them to feel safe and secure and And you know, I've thoroughly enjoyed, I've been here for almost 11 years now. Which no one is more shocked than I am that I made it that long. We could have an entire podcast just about the weights of heaviness for non-profit ⁓ But most of them last years. Geez, really? That's the average? Yeah, average is. And it's weird in our region because we have a lot of long-standing nonprofit directors. And so I think that for me, I got the opportunity to see how people can balance the heaviness of work and the, I don't know, the incredible feeling of getting to do something good in the world and do it for a really long time. I've got some really wonderful mentors who have been able to You know, ⁓ been doing their work for 20 plus years and I'm just like I'm young little young at just 11 Until I say that and then I realized that it makes me sound super old Yeah, well I know how in the world you feel super I'm old I am of the age though that I have friends who are having babies, children all ages or grandkids. you know, I'm in a very interesting time. So, okay, everything that mentioned about what led you to BRASS, now can you tell us a little bit more about BRASS, what the mission is, what you guys ⁓ do an organization? even on a day to day basis and kind of the outcomes you see with people who come through your, I know that's kind of a long question, but. No, well, it'd be a really awkward podcast for me to say, no, I'm not telling you anything. Yeah. And then that's okay. Bye. Yeah, no. Okay. So BRASS is the regional domestic violence service provider that is available to all survivors of intimate partner violence. We have lots of different programs, but people know us for our 24-7 shelter and our 24-7 crisis lines. As much as I would love it and would probably have less gray hair and less chaos in life domestic violence kept business hours other work, the reality is that some of our calls, some of our busiest call are from like 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Right. And so we are 24 7 3 65. We're not allowed to close. You know, people have like that whole covid response and I was like, yeah, we had covid responses too, but we never stopped. We weren't legally allowed to. Turns out we're a what are they called? An essential operation. Yeah. Oh, no doubt. I mean, yeah, because I can't Well, There's many things that just pop in my head with what you were saying before. And I know I'm interrupting the entire answer to the question I just asked, but I can't past. I love to things for people. That's one of the, one of the reasons why I wanted to do the podcast and make so much of it about the local ⁓ area not about we do at Wynn Electric. But It's what I like to do is on such a, I feel like on such a small level, which is what you guys do is on such a big level. I can't imagine being able to, to, to do that day in and day out, all these different of the day and night. And so sorry, I just got sidetracked thinking about that and I couldn't get it out of my head. Yeah. Yeah. That I can't imagine literally, I like you have to devote your life to that. and then how that affects everything in your life and your family and all that stuff. wow, I don't normally take big side tracks like that. You know, it's me. I like to go all the different ways. No, I think that that's a really astute observation and why I go back to for-profit versus non-profits kind of identifiers and belief sets. A lot of people talk about this work-life balance idea. It's like, you have your work time and you have your lifetime. lot of nonprofits really on work-life integration. So sometimes is 9 when there's something going on at the shelter, ⁓ they call me and say, let me putting my kid to bed and I'm gonna call you back. Sometimes I ⁓ have taken phone for work. while cheering on my children at all of their elected sports. they're in all the sports. And so sometimes it is, it's realizing that ⁓ everyone's life going to keep going. And how do navigate that altogether? And not only thinking that you're taking those calls, ⁓ right? Someone's making those So staff you guys have must be ⁓ just amazing and selfless. I don't know man, I get calls from family, hey can you help me do this stuff? Yeah well let's schedule it, right? So we'll schedule it next week or the following week or two months ahead or whatever, you know? And I'm constantly helping people but it's not like I'm taking, I just, can't, it's something that I just, I feel like is just so immeasurable in my mind to think that you guys are out there doing, and in my opinion, you don't get credit for that. Not that you're looking for credit, right? But I don't know. I'm literally kind of giving myself goosebumps thinking about that because I it sounds weird, I'm an emotional person, so I get my feels sometimes about it. But that's one of the reasons why we've wanted to partner with you guys, because it is such a special thing that you do. And I guess let's get back to what I had asked before. So I think that the... Other part people don't realize is that after a person ⁓ the immeasurably phone call that you about, mean, we're, we're, have to recognize that advocates are often situations a person in crisis, which means that we have to look at the whole picture not ⁓ individual piece of it. which why it's so important. ⁓ for everyone who calls our crisis line to be honest and to be fully transparent what ⁓ has them ⁓ and they're calling us because people, a lot of shame and there's a lot of guilt in ⁓ survivors I have left sooner or I should have, why did I stay? There's a lot of blame. And it's like the reason that intimate partner violence is thing because there are people who choose to abuse. And can't take ownership of another person's ⁓ And the first step is recognizing what impacted you was someone else chose to do that. And now you are to say, I want to be different. I want to a different forward. And that's why people call us. know, think a lot of people feel the heaviness of the work that we do, but the reality is that ⁓ our work in total, no matter what Department I'm talking about no matter what service I'm talking about matter how many people we serve is built in hope ⁓ Right and people aren't reaching out to us because they've lost hope People are out to us because they found hope they realize that there's an opportunity for for a and a change and so being able to offer that like that is the root of everything that we do You know, every tagline that we have, every service that we provide an individual ⁓ is ⁓ for help to their hope. Wow. That's I never thought about it that way. That's so crazy. so, you know, I've kind mentioned you guys to before ⁓ and say, you know, ⁓ brass they're like, what's that? I'll say, well, it's, know, domestic violence survivors, but you're calling it intimate. partner violence. because it's a wide range, ⁓ know, we domestic violence is a bigger ⁓ idea of lot of familial violence. But I think that it's somewhat become an archaic term only because of how have expanded abuse looks like. What family looks like what family like, you know, what people want. to know that they're going to receive non-judgmental access to information. So often survivors are not reaching out because think, well, they're going to judge me for what was done to me or what I didn't do in response. And it's you are the expert in your survival to this point, but I don't want people to survive. I want people to thrive. And so ⁓ to our isn't about saving people. ⁓ It's about helping decide how to receive information that is going to make them feel capable, competent, self-sufficient. Yeah. So I think I've mentioned to you before when we've talked different times that, you know, your organization kind of holds a special place in my heart because one of my daughter's best friends growing up ended up spending some time with you guys. And I feel like, you know, in saying that, that talking about my daughter's best friend. You know, I talk people about Brass and how I saw happen with her and how she came out on the other side of that, I literally tell people Brass gave her her life back. know, didn't change as far as who she was before and after. I'm sure she saw some change, but I'm just saying like, you guys didn't. doesn't seem like you are trying to change someone you're trying to give them themselves back if that's that's not the correct way to say it I'm sure. No, I think that that's a really appropriate way of saying that you know one of the things that we ought to talk about with abuse because what abuse looks like is so individualized and that's why It's so hard sometimes to identify what is an abusive relationship ⁓ Because might feel abusive to one person isn't abusive to another and it's very individualized. It's very specific It's very targeted to the involved And so one of the things that we have to realize and recognize is that a person says, I don't like how this makes me feel. And it's like, okay, then that isn't in fact a problem. Like, let's that. talk about what that looks like. Let's talk about what that means. And let's go from Let's the steps forward from there. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We make mistakes easily every day multiple times a day. It's the best part of us. The part of us is humanity. You know, tell my staff all the time. I have lots of different personalities and lots of different types of people on my staff because we have a lot of different types of survivors. Some people really appreciate the tough love. Some people need handholding and softness. Some people the shock value ⁓ escaping and some people want the time and intention to plan and plot to get out. And so all about, about taking away a person's ability to have power control in life. Abuse is rooted in power and control. And so one of the the ideals. Our jobs the reality of it is to allow a person the opportunity to regain power and control in their life and make those decisions. So yeah, it's not about changing a person. It's not about saving a person. It's about what do you want to do? And allowing them be able to be supported in that process. Sometimes they make really great decisions that help move forward. Sometimes people make really bad decisions, but guess what? I bet you make bad decisions. My wife would agree with that every day. You said something earlier about being, you know, making mistakes every day. Yeah. Every day I make mistakes. 25 years I've been married. That's a lot of years to make mistakes. a lot of opportunities for growth too. And that's where we are. you guys offer. Therein lies what we do. So I'm sure that like what you were talking about, people are different. They're more accepting. I'd be more accepting of some direction than you would be. And so I'm sure you guys... with your programs that you offer and the ways that you will kind of quote teach people to manage things. I'm sure it's catered toward every individual. is. think and I think going back to something you had touched on of like you plan. We don't. Every every single staff member I have has a really beautiful notebook or ⁓ pad paper that we write down our to do lists of what we're going to. Accomplish in the day and then we immediately just rip those pages out ball them up and throw them in the trash Because our jobs are responsive and well, you know, we have to dedicate ⁓ majority of our ⁓ to our crisis line and Court where we're meeting people on one the worst days of their life where they have to publicly acknowledge all of the private and secret things that occurred to them and it's like We just sometimes need to be that person's champion of saying, this is hard, but you're harder. This is tough, but you're tougher. it allows us to be able to be the support person in room. And don't get me wrong, we have some wonderful judges and some wonderful bailiffs, but they're to be, what's word looking for? To be there for everyone. Bailiffs of are to sure everyone in the courtroom is protected and safe. A judge's job is to be there to decide and understand all facts of a case and make determination of how they... You know, I think that the thing that we have to always recognize and understand is that we get to support survivors making right and wrong good bad choices. And everyone has a person like in their life. Most people can reach out to their parents or to their best friends. sometimes survivors don't have that. Or sometimes they don't trust who trust in their life. Well, I'm sure there's times that because of the abuse went through that they've distanced themselves from those people who have been those people. The who would have been those people. Yeah, the people who would have been there for them are no longer there because there was a distance created and isolation. Isolation is actually one the ⁓ major types of abuse that we discuss where a person becomes so reliant on their abusive partner that they don't feel like they have anyone else to reach out to, which is why it's like it's very important for us to have these opportunities to talk about, no, no, no, we'll help everyone. We will try and navigate and we might not always do or be able to help the way that people want us to help, but we will always try to give at least one piece of information. that can help a person make a different decision in the future. But the biggest thing is that you're there. Yeah. And that you offer services. what want is not always what's best for them. I think better way of saying that is what people want and what people need are sometimes in opposition. Sure. And OK. Because know, what want to is not judge. ⁓ what a person's decisions are. We want to be able to support them in making choices. You know, I was almost saying it like you were a drug rehab facility or something. So you're wow. That's even more enlightening to me is that you're not taking away choices. No, we're trying to get them back. Wow. Geez, Tori. Yeah. I don't know why I was thinking. Yeah. And that's... mean it that way. no, Yeah. And I think that that's so, such an important, important factor to note right now is how often well-intentioned people create a distance with a survivor. Because it's like, well, you have other options and a person's like, well, I don't feel that. Right. Sure. And it's like, instead of just saying, just make a different choice, it's like, okay, let's talk about what our options are. Right. Let's talk about what that looks like. We constantly work with survivors who might call our crisis line two, three, four, five, six plus times and because a of times people are like, well, why don't they just leave? And that's very victim blaming. that that's putting a pressure on a person that doesn't need to be there ⁓ because the real is, well, why do people abuse? But that's a, that's story for another day, another podcast, but, every day. we get the opportunity to be there for a person and help them navigate what options they might have available that they may not be thinking about, they may not think are available to them that they can't consider, and then they get the time to think about it. That's the best part of our crisis line is that it is controlled by a survivor. They decide when to call us. They decide how long to stay on the phone with us. They decide what information they want to give us. We can give a lot of information out about opportunities, thoughts, processes having detailed information. Because again, that guilt and shame that people sometimes lead with is like, well, you can't know who I am because I'm important figure in my community. You can't who I am because my perpetrator is an important figure in my community. And you might believe me if you know who I'm about. And it's like, well, that's the thing is that we do believe you. It's of my favorite things that we did, and I'm actually wearing the shirt. I did that on purpose. What? Is support, and power. And those are the three tenets of everything that we do. But it also works out to be the path that we try to work with every survivor. The very first thing that we always do is believe a person. We always want to say, I believe you. Whatever you are saying is hard. I believe you. Whatever you're saying is true, I believe you. Whatever you are saying difficult, is unmanageable, is impossible, okay, I believe you. But the next step and the next piece is to empower a person to make different choices. And all right, I believe you. And now I'm going to empower you to realize that you're stuck in a box and get out of that box. And then I'm going to support you. You say, I'm going right. And we say, right's ⁓ probably wrong direction. you should go left and they say, no, no, I'm still going right. And it's like, okay, I support you. here for you because every adult gets to make mistakes. Every person gets to make their own choices and live with those consequences. But having a person to be able to say, all right, well, we just learned a way not to do something. Didn't we? Well, on top of that, sometimes I know as a parent, as much as I hate to say it, my kids have said, I'm going to do this. And I'm like, don't do that. And yeah. they turned out they were right and that is great. wonderful when your kids are better than you. ⁓ listen, true story. mean, not gonna go into actual true stories because then that would just make it even more real. But ⁓ it hard sometimes when you're, even if it's not a parent and child relationship or sometimes it's even hard when it's a friendship relationship. you someone that's close to you is making a bad decision, you're like, no, don't do that, don't do that, you know, and then they do. It's like, sometimes right. It's like you plan this out because that's also a really great point. That's the why advocacy is so important. It's one of the tenants that we talk about is when you trying to navigate your options with a with a family member, with a loved one, with a coworker. That person has a vested interest in what your decision is because it could also impact them. Your friends tired of watching you in the back and forth of your relationship and they're like, you know what, I'm throwing my hands up, I'm done. Advocates is not to be a person's friend. Advocates job to be an advocate them. We don't have control of the outcomes. We are not responsible for the outcomes. We are responsible for giving access to information, access to resources, access to the referrals that we have for you to do with them what you want. You being the proverbial survivor. But how do you not get emotionally invested? I get it's a job and you're just... You are emotionally invested, but advocacy is built in saying, I am not going to push my agenda on you. And so often the loved ones, again, all well-meaning, I want this for you. You need to want this as much as I want it for you. And it's like, yes, we have those issues every single day, but it allows us the opportunity to remind ourselves that it is not our decision. That's hard sometimes. Oh my gosh. For someone who is incredibly opinionated, not being able to give my opinion most of the time is... difficult. Well, I really we could talking, but ⁓ we're going to to wrap this up a little bit. I would like to ask one hopefully quick question what people do to help with your organization? I you take donations, whether it be, you know, product or monetary donations. Is there ⁓ things that people can do to help? All those things are true. We love, you know, we're a major household. So imagine your household and then multiply that by 17 because that's normally how many families we have in shelter. 17 families. Normally somewhere between 35 and 40 people in shelter every single night. top of that, we have about 60 families in all of our housing programs that we help support. So you think about what your daily household needs are, those are pretty standard. can always use those. Cleaning wipes, diapers, canned food, not green beans. ⁓ Not green beans. Golly, we get so many green beans. People think green beans are the staple food and they're great. I love a good green bean. you know, there's corn, ⁓ there's Non-perishable. proteins ⁓ out that are canned we can get. But the best thing and ⁓ yes, every nonprofit say, give me your money, please. Because we can... ⁓ spend it as effectively or more effectively than sometimes giving us the product. Of course. But the number one thing that our community can do every single time is to know our crisis line number and know that we are available. 24 7 365. It removes those barriers of, don't know what to do. And it's like, ⁓ call these people. They know what to do. Call 1-800-928-1183. 1-800-928-1183. And. We're available 24 7 365. We're always there. 24 7 365 your website if somebody wanted to just kind of read a little bit about your organization. It's very important to be very specific in this. It's B R A S S I C dot O R G brass Inc dot org. I'm sure people could find it really easily on the Google machine. ⁓ Yes. you if you Googled us brass. ⁓ Be very careful because sometimes you get like the metal working. Sure. Sure. But go down those paths. don't know anything about It's gotta be so easy to you on the Google machine like I said. Well Tori, really appreciate setting in with us today. A lot of information. Sorry we had ⁓ some calls come in we just couldn't answer. ⁓ You were just afraid what I was gonna say weren't you? Of course. I know it. Of course. So guys, you were able to get a little bit of information today. And you or someone you know needs some the help that BRASS offers, please, please, please reach out to them guys. We as a as whole, we know the mental health and the abusive situations, things like BRASS can help you through those situations. So please give a call. And as always, thanks for listening.