Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why don't narcissists let people get close to them?

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Why don't narcissists let people get close to them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  Today we are talking about why narcissists don't let too many
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  people get close to them. Too many, maybe not anybody at
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  all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. Boom What up, What up, What up,
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  What up, what up, what up, what up.
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  First of all, y'all if y'all shout out to everybody who's
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  seen me in public around North Carolina and came out and came
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  up and said hey, I appreciate y'all if y'all ever see me out
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  and about in North Carolina, Durham, Greensboro, Hillsboro,
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  Raleigh, wherever y'all can say, hey, I'm friendly, I'm friendly,
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  I'm pretty Shout out to y'all though.
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  Seriously. But yes, yes, yes.
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  Narcissistic people don't let people get close to them.
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  Why is that? Why is that Y'all?
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  What is your Why don't you think that narcissists let too many
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  people get close to them Now? Why don't you think?
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  Drop in the comment section, drop your thoughts in the
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  comment section, and then let's get into it.
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  One of the main reasons why narcissists don't let too many
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  people get close to them is fear.
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  They're afraid. They're afraid that fear like,
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  and this is going to set like y'all, don't let this make you
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  feel sorry for a narcissist, that you go back to them.
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  But a lot of times in childhood, the people that got close to us,
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  or the people that were supposed to be our caretakers or the
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  people that we were close to, betrayed us.
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  So a lot of narcissists never got over that first betrayal.
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  That very first betrayal was it. It it broke a lot of narcissism.
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  Maybe not the very first one, but there's a betrayal in the
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  narcissist childhood that made them afraid to get anybody get
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  close to them. So there's a fear like the
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  people that that were close to us, our caretakers, neglected us
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  or didn't give, didn't validate us or harmed us, abused us in an
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  emotional or physical way. So now we have a a fear of
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  allowing people to get close to us.
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  So we push people away. You know, then because
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  narcissists push people away doesn't mean that they let them
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  go. You know, the way I describe it
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  is they push you away, but they grab you by the collar so you
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  don't get too far away. They push you away, but they
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  like, hey, get away from me. They extend their arms, but
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  they'll grab you by the collar. Hey, get away from me and stay
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  back. Stay back.
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  Back, back. You Devin.
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  That's what I say. Back you Devin, but that's part
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  of it right there. Like, seriously, a lot of
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  narcissistic people get into that mindset, get into that
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  dynamic where this is a a space for it, This is bits and pieces
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  of it right here. This is how it goes.
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  So I'll just tell people, like if you ever dealt with a
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  narcissist or types of person they are, they might be afraid
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  of you. I'm not saying that they just
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  like afraid that you're going to like unalive them, but they
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  might. The the fear of that closeness,
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  like is a closeness is a trigger, you know, not I'm not
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  talking about physical closeness because they'll clap your cheeks
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  or whatever, but emotional closeness, they'll let you get
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  close enough to to clap cheeks or whatever.
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  Believe me, emotional closeness, the emotional fear I have AI
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  have a fear of letting you get too emotionally, emotionally
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  close. Yes, in the beginning you do
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  feel emotionally close to this person.
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  That's how it goes like in the beginning, because that
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  narcissist is getting that that that high from the love bombing
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  phase, that dopamine hit is making the narcissist float
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  around like like they they walking around, they TV toes
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  walking around like they're floating because they feel that
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  way, that he like they're letting their guard down.
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  But as the relationship progresses, that's when the
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  walls kind of slowly starting to roll to raise back up.
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  You know, you ever seen the old movies with the castle?
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  Had a castle lets the gate down. That's how narcissistic people's
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  hearts are. They're their their closeness is
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  they let the gate down, right? But as the relationship goes on,
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  the gate slowly is getting pulled back in like the
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  narcissistic, the little narcissist inside the
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  narcissist, the little narcissist inside the big
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  narcissist is like really reeling me back in.
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  So over time, the gate closes back up.
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  You see it starts off as open. They let the gates down, open
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  the gates, you know, they let the gates down like let you ride
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  in on your little horse and buggy.
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  You know, you just, yeah, you ride in the relationship like,
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  yeah, I'm in love. Yeah, you slapping a little
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  horse and you ride across the little bridge and you know, the
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  gates are open kind of like the movie Frozen, you know.
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  But when Elsa got mad, she like closed the gates, you know, she
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  kicked everybody out and closed the gates.
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  You see, even Elsa from froze. I'm not called Elsa narcissist,
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  but Elsa said close the gates. That's the analogy.
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  I'm people getting too close. I've been, I've, I've had
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  enough. So you start pushing people
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  away, you know, that's that fear.
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  But it's that fear in that space right there.
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  Like the the narcissist think they're scared of you.
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  They they you're going to hurt them sooner or later.
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  So they don't trust too many people.
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  That's part of it right there. You know what I mean?
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  That's part of it because they think if you get too close to
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  me, you can hurt me. People, people in my childhood
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  were close to me and they hurt me.
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  So why should I trust you if my parents, the people who birthed
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  me and supposed well, my original caretakers, who
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  supposed to love me or my, you know, my aunts or whoever in my
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  childhood hurt me. Why would I trust you?
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  You know you no relation to me. We're not connected by blood or
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  anything like that. We just met, you know we are
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  emotionally we are close as in proximity, but we are just we
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  just met. So they will think, well, why
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  should I trust you if I don't when I don't know you.
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  You know what I mean? Why should I trust you if I
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  don't know you? So that that does happen right
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  there in that space too, because some narcissists just won't
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  trust you because they don't know you.
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  I mean, just in that space, they think you're going to hurt them
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  sooner or later. So they take advantage of they
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  they they get ahead of it. You know, another reason
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  narcissists don't let people get too close to them is the lack of
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  the loss of control. It's still a part of the fear,
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  but if you get too close to me, you get to know me, You can
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  actually hurt me. You might actually be able to
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  see the real me. So I if I'm vulnerable to you,
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  you know, sometimes narcissistic people get vulnerable under
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  different circumstances. Like some of them will, you
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  know, get vulnerable under, you know, certain circumstances when
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  they're drunk or under, under the influence or something,
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  they'll be vulnerable to you. But they think you're going to
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  hurt them. Like they like I said, you can
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  hurt me because you know me, you got close to me.
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  You actually have the ability to hurt me, you know, because we
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  got close. You have power over me to be
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  able to hurt me or to harm me in a certain a certain way that I
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  don't want. So This is why narcissistic
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  people tend to always want to know a lot about you, to protect
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  themselves, just in case you try to use your stuff to hurt me.
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  I can fire my cannon back at you, you know.
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  If you fire cannon cannons at me, I can fire them back at you
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  with your I can insult you and hurt you with your trauma, with
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  what you've been through and things like that.
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  So that can absolutely happen as well, because we got you.
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  When you fall into these spaces a lot, this is part of the
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  dynamic. Y'all this is what you're going
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  to face when you're dealing with a lot of narcissists and toxic
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  people. They're going to be afraid that
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  you're going to hurt them, that you're going to get close to
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  them and you have power and control of them.
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  Because if you have too much information on me, I don't have
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  anything on you. You have control of me.
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  You are in the position of power.
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  I need to maintain this position of power.
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  So in order to do that, I don't let you get too close to me.
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  I don't let you have too much knowledge of me.
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  Because when you have more knowledge of me, you have more
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  power of me. You can use my emotional
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  vulnerability to hurt me or to harm me.
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  The laws of control is a big thing.
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  So the closer you, the closer you get, the the more control
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  you could have over me. You know, that's one of the main
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  reasons when people ask me why the narcissist treat I'm going
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  to do. I can do a longer video on this,
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  but I can get the short and the short and greedy of it.
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  But a lot of narcissism, not narcissist.
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  A lot of people ask me why do narcissists treat the people
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  closer to the closest to them the worst.
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  So if you do get treat, if you do manage to get closer
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  narcissist, you get treated the worst because you know too much.
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  You might know the real me. You've probably seen me with my
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  mask off. You see me unmasked.
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  You see what I'm saying? You see me without my hat.
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  You see me without my hat. I come home, you know, after a
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  hard day at the at the the steel mill.
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  I come home and I take myself out like the world sees me like
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  this. This is how the world sees me.
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  You see me like this. And I I need my beard.
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  I don't like the baby face. I don't like the baby.
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  I'm 38 years old. I need my beard.
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  You see what I'm saying? You see me beardless, so you see
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  me bare so you can hurt me. That's where the mind goes,
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  right there. You don't sound super stupid,
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  but you see me for who I am and you can expose me.
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  That fear of exposure. You get too close to me.
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  You get to know me too much. You can expose me.
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  You really can. You can absolutely expose me in
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  a certain, in a certain way that I don't want to be exposed.
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  So if I don't want to be exposed, then yeah, this is what
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  goes on right here. This is part of the space that a
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  lot of people fall into. I don't want to be exposed.
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  And that fear of exposure is a big fear that a lot of
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  narcissists have. I'm scared that you're going to
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  expose me. I'm scared that you're going to
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  put that fear in me. I'm scared that you're going to
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  hurt me or harm me in some way, shape or form, You know, that's
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  a piece of it. So I tell people all the time,
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  this is what a lot of people are going to have, you know, have to
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  face, like, that fear of emotional closeness.
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  I know people are going to ask, well, Lee, how do we get to let
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  that guard down Now? There's nothing you can really
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  do to let them get that guard down to make them feel safe
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  around you, You know, narcissist.
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  This is typically what happens right here.
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  And there's normally nothing you can do.
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  Like if somehow you can make them feel like they're not a bad
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  person, which they've probably done some horrible stuff.
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  I'm not telling you like this is not me trying to.
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  Well, I've been having to teeter the fence.
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  Don't They've been teetering this damn fence.
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  It's crazy sometimes. I'm not trying to get you all
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  the the. I'm going to go back and Lee
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  said this and I'm going to go back to the toxic relationship.
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  No, Lee did not say do this, you know what I mean?
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  I'm just saying like you have to protect yourself.
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  Like the narcissist biggest fear is they don't want to feel like
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  bad people. They don't want you to see them
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  in a bad light. And the closer you are to them,
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  the more likely you are to have seen me in a bad light.
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  Be more likely you are to see me portraying me for who I really
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  am, you know, So that space is real too.
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  So you have to protect yourself and to protect your peace in
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  this space within this dynamic. So I know it's going to sound
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  unfair, but it does fall onto you to protect yourself.
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  It really, really does. You know what I mean?
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  Because a lot of narcissists, most narcissists are out there
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  to serve themselves and to protect themselves.
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  They're super guarded for a reason.
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  They don't want you to see that, that, that, that, that soft,
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  this soft interior within that, that hard, rocky shell, you know
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  what I mean? So they don't.
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  You might have seen Between Beneath the Shell and they don't
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  want you to get close to that, this soft interior and whatnot.
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  So open this video Motion some clarity if you haven't already.
• 11:11
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• 11:12
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• 11:16
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• 11:18
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• 11:21
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
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• 11:43
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.