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317-Where Your Story Is Actually Hiding · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:00
  Speaker: You have told the story before, the clean version, the one that skips the hard parts and lands on the win.
• 0:08
  Speaker: But the woman who needs you is not waiting on your highlight reel.
• 0:12
  Speaker: She's waiting on the part you keep leaving out of your story.
• 0:17
  Speaker: Hey, I'm Theresa Croft, and welcome to the Stuck No More Voices podcast.
• 0:21
  Speaker: I help Christian women leaders craft their story so it connects with the people they are called to serve.
• 0:28
  Speaker: If this is your first time, do me a favor.
• 0:31
  Speaker: Go ahead and hit Subscribe.
• 0:33
  Speaker: It's a small thing, and it carries the voice further than you know.
• 0:37
  Speaker: So today I wanna talk something about how, what women get backwards.
• 0:41
  Speaker: It's like you think you are the hero of your story.
• 0:44
  Speaker: I used to think that to a certain degrees.
• 0:46
  Speaker: But you are not.
• 0:48
  Speaker: I realize you're not the hero.
• 0:49
  Speaker: She is.
• 0:51
  Speaker: The woman you are trying to reach, she is the hero.
• 0:55
  Speaker: Your story is just a map that shows her the way, that you already walked it.
• 1:00
  Speaker: So you can say,"My life is your survival guide." And when you tell it right, your story does two things at once.
• 1:08
  Speaker: It shows her the fire that you come through, and it shows her that change is possible because it happened for you.
• 1:18
  Speaker: That is what moves a woman from watching to actually doing something.
• 1:23
  Speaker: So let me give you four simple keys.
• 1:25
  Speaker: The first one is, where do you even find your story?
• 1:28
  Speaker: The next three are how to shape it, so stay with me.
• 1:31
  Speaker: So I remember going to a speaker academy, and a friend of mine was, like, struggling to find her story'cause she's,"Tee, my story isn't gory and..." but this happened to me just recently.
• 1:39
  Speaker: I thought about where do you find your story?
• 1:43
  Speaker: If you're wondering, most women go looking sometimes in the wrong place.
• 1:47
  Speaker: They sit, and they try to think it up, like the story is hiding somewhere in their head.
• 1:53
  Speaker: It is not.
• 1:54
  Speaker: It's already recorded.
• 1:56
  Speaker: You just have to go back and look.
• 1:58
  Speaker: So here's the key to finding your story that I don't think you'll hear this anywhere else.
• 2:04
  Speaker: Here it is.
• 2:05
  Speaker: Open your photos.
• 2:08
  Speaker: Most of your photos are stored by years, by faces.
• 2:12
  Speaker: It's in your old albums, the pictures on the wall maybe.
• 2:16
  Speaker: Your story is sitting right here in the faces and moments you've already lived.
• 2:23
  Speaker: So this is what happened to me to make me really connect with this.
• 2:29
  Speaker: A photo will not skip the hard parts.
• 2:31
  Speaker: It holds its truth so long, enough for you to really see it.
• 2:36
  Speaker: So for example, my daughter, who's now 28, sent me a picture of when she was about four, and her dad was in the background blowing off his Harley, and she was in the in the middle of the page.
• 2:48
  Speaker: She had a big bucket, and she had pure joy.
• 2:51
  Speaker: She wanted to help her daddy wash his Harley.
• 2:55
  Speaker: I could tell by what was going on in the background that he didn't let her, but the joy on her face.
• 3:00
  Speaker: Now, my daughter's now 28, and I look at that story, mostly focusing on the daughter, how she wanted always to please her dad, to pay attention to her, and it pained my heart.
• 3:15
  Speaker: As I will be honest with you, I was so distant, almost unattached to my children, because I was in the coping game.
• 3:24
  Speaker: I was in the survival mode of sharp remarks, abuse.
• 3:29
  Speaker: I It pinged the very thing that I struggle with and I'm working through today.
• 3:34
  Speaker: I'm not good enough.
• 3:35
  Speaker: I'm not good enough as a mom That was a tough picture.
• 3:40
  Speaker: Now, on a lighter note, give me one more example.
• 3:42
  Speaker: Let's get on a lighter note.
• 3:43
  Speaker: Here's a picture of pure joy.
• 3:46
  Speaker: I don't know if you can see it without it.
• 3:47
  Speaker: pure joy.
• 3:49
  Speaker: We're on a podcast table, three...
• 3:51
  Speaker: two of my best friends.
• 3:53
  Speaker: So this picture, it represents laughter.
• 3:56
  Speaker: I love to laugh, but the picture reminds me of something.
• 4:01
  Speaker: Two best friends around a podcast.
• 4:03
  Speaker: We're collaborating on the Why Circle podcast.
• 4:06
  Speaker: So what do I see?
• 4:07
  Speaker: I see a story of how it is possible to find good friends.
• 4:15
  Speaker: I prayed Psalm 15 in the Passion translation for years when I didn't have good friends, because if I did have a good friend, someone in the house would be jealous.
• 4:25
  Speaker: So I was just praying for those good friends, Psalm 15, and God brought them to me.
• 4:32
  Speaker: literally, Elana is from South Africa, now in Canada.
• 4:38
  Speaker: Yara is from Mexico, now in Texas.
• 4:41
  Speaker: Come on, now.
• 4:41
  Speaker: How can God do that?
• 4:42
  Speaker: He can.
• 4:44
  Speaker: So this brings just a pure story of God's faithfulness.
• 4:48
  Speaker: There is a story of God's faithfulness in this.
• 4:51
  Speaker: It's often a story I use on how to find friends, with Psalm 15 as the backdrop.
• 4:56
  Speaker: So those are friends who celebrate me and don't just tolerate me.
• 5:02
  Speaker: I think you get the idea.
• 5:03
  Speaker: I love this exercise.
• 5:04
  Speaker: So go to your photos.
• 5:06
  Speaker: What do you feel?
• 5:07
  Speaker: What emotions do you get?
• 5:09
  Speaker: I get, pure joy and laughter and...
• 5:13
  Speaker: What emotion...
• 5:14
  Speaker: And then I look at my daughter's picture, and it's just oh, pained my heart, but I dealt with it.
• 5:19
  Speaker: There's stories in there, and you're not making up a story.
• 5:23
  Speaker: You are remembering one, and the photo is the backdoor to it.
• 5:28
  Speaker: All right, it's key number two.
• 5:31
  Speaker: Find the scar, not the wound.
• 5:33
  Speaker: I'm really big on this.
• 5:34
  Speaker: Now, the ones...
• 5:35
  Speaker: To find the moment, you have to know you are already ready to share it, and this is the part you have to hear me on.
• 5:42
  Speaker: A scar is healed.
• 5:44
  Speaker: You can touch it.
• 5:46
  Speaker: A wound still bleeds, and the message is messy, and no one hears anything'cause you're bleeding.
• 5:51
  Speaker: You're trauma dumping.
• 5:53
  Speaker: So the story you tell is not one that hurts to say out loud.
• 5:58
  Speaker: It's one you've already come through.
• 6:00
  Speaker: Like for me, for four years, serious neurocycle help from one of the ladies in this picture, about my family situation.
• 6:11
  Speaker: serious deconstruction to reconstruction.
• 6:13
  Speaker: The scar is where she'll trust you.
• 6:17
  Speaker: Speak from your scars, not your wounds, because she can see it.
• 6:21
  Speaker: She can see you made it out on the other side.
• 6:25
  Speaker: All right, let's go to key number three: tell the story you keep hiding.
• 6:30
  Speaker: Here is the one that's might sting a little, the piece you keep leaving out, the part that feels too small or you feel too small in it.
• 6:41
  Speaker: That is usually the exact place she needs you as you heal, even with the scar.
• 6:48
  Speaker: You, you're thinking it protects you.
• 6:52
  Speaker: Really, it just leaves her alone in the thing you already survive.
• 6:57
  Speaker: So share it.
• 6:59
  Speaker: You share it in a way that makes her feel safe, safe for you and safe for her.
• 7:07
  Speaker: No performing, no oversharing, just the real thing, the real deal told well from a kind and compassionate heart.
• 7:17
  Speaker: Point number four: point at her, not at you.
• 7:22
  Speaker: And here is the test for all of it.
• 7:24
  Speaker: When you finish telling your story, ask yourself one question: Does she feel impressed or does she feel seen?
• 7:34
  Speaker: Impressed makes you the hero.
• 7:37
  Speaker: Seen makes her the hero, and you do not want her to admire your story.
• 7:42
  Speaker: You want to help her find herself in it and think,"If Tee got through that, then just maybe, just maybe I can get through that." One last thing.
• 7:55
  Speaker: This is the part underneath of it all, the real reason your story creates visibility.
• 8:02
  Speaker: You went through something, and now you go around and say,"I get you.
• 8:08
  Speaker: I've been where you are." When you speak to the woman you used to be, the right woman hears it.
• 8:17
  Speaker: She feels understood before you pitch a thing to her.
• 8:21
  Speaker: That's what draws her to your offers and your services.
• 8:25
  Speaker: She feels something.
• 8:26
  Speaker: There is a transformation in her heart when she hears your story.
• 8:31
  Speaker: It's not the marketing, it's the understanding.
• 8:35
  Speaker: Because behind every solution, she's looking there, she's looking for you.
• 8:41
  Speaker: She's looking if, is this the real person?
• 8:43
  Speaker: Is she really telling me a real story?
• 8:46
  Speaker: It's the woman who already walked the road she is on.
• 8:50
  Speaker: And what makes your help different from everyone else, she knows your story So here's what I want you to do this week.
• 8:59
  Speaker: It's not someday, this week.
• 9:01
  Speaker: Open your photos tonight, scroll back, and stop on one picture that makes something rise in you, and just sit with it for a minute.
• 9:09
  Speaker: Do not write a post.
• 9:12
  Speaker: Do not make it pretty.
• 9:13
  Speaker: Just find the moment, and I would say find Jesus in the moment,'cause it may be really traumatic.
• 9:21
  Speaker: That is the whole assignment, though, because you cannot tell a story you have not let yourself look at yet.
• 9:28
  Speaker: You can't find a story when the wound, the picture just, the wound's open and you realize you need to work on it to have a scar.
• 9:37
  Speaker: And remember this rule as you look.
• 9:40
  Speaker: I said it again, speak from the scar, not the wound, the healed place, not the bleeding one.
• 9:46
  Speaker: The part you keep hiding is usually the part she needs most, and when you tell it, point it at her, not at you.
• 9:56
  Speaker: Let her be the hero.
• 9:59
  Speaker: Now, if this stirred something in you and you want to do this work with me, not alone, I have something coming up.
• 10:04
  Speaker: This Wednesday, I am hosting the Activate Your Calling seminar.
• 10:08
  Speaker: It...
• 10:09
  Speaker: Yeah, it's this Wednesday of the date of the podcast.
• 10:11
  Speaker: If you missed it, be looking.
• 10:13
  Speaker: There'll be another one, but this is so exciting.
• 10:15
  Speaker: We're already getting women into the seminar where we're gonna find your story together and turn it into a cat story.
• 10:26
  Speaker: Oh, I'm sure he'll show up, and we're gonna we're gonna love to, have you in the room.
• 10:32
  Speaker: Okay, he got me all flustered, but I'm gonna keep going.
• 10:36
  Speaker: It is live, and it is free, and it's built for the woman who is done staying hidden.
• 10:42
  Speaker: The link is in the show notes.
• 10:44
  Speaker: I'd love to have you in the room.
• 10:47
  Speaker: Details are in the show notes, along with one more way to take your next step.
• 10:52
  Speaker: But hear me on this.
• 10:54
  Speaker: Do not wait for Wednesday to start.
• 10:56
  Speaker: Open your photos tonight.
• 10:58
  Speaker: Find the one.
• 10:59
  Speaker: The imperfect action beats perfect waiting every single time.
• 11:04
  Speaker: You, my friend, were never assigned a crowd.
• 11:07
  Speaker: You were assigned a field, a metron, a field with your name on it, and a story only you can tell, so go find it.
• 11:17
  Speaker: I'm Theresa, and I'll talk to you in the next episode of the Stuck No More Voices podcast.
• 11:24
  Speaker: If you hear the buzzer, my clothes are done drying.
• 11:27
  Speaker: We are as real as it gets around here.
• 11:29
  Speaker: All right, I'll talk to you soon.