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THE ORGASM MISTAKE EVERYONE MAKES · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about presence a lot and safe being safe in the body is actually allowing this the infinite possibilities that we have with ourselves.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: We did talk about orgasm, or like uh it it leads to better orgasm, but it leads to ultimately just a better experience in life.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to realize that this moment, this this sexual experience, or this moment of being in my body is just a symptom of me living and feeling that and knowing that and embodying that and letting it just be.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And being in the flow with that, I can take that everywhere.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Please understand we are not therapists, we are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Erotic Spirit, where soul, sexuality, and real life meet.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And today we are talking about safety and orgasms and how it is important to be feel safe in your body to have an orgasm.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if you stick around, you'll get to see the evolution and how it all comes together and how you can feel safer in the body.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: And what signs and symptoms are of not feeling safe in the body, and what signs and symptoms are besides orgasms that let you know that you're feeling safe in your body.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know this was a thing until I got older and really like dove into my sexual life.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, or lack thereof, just all my sexual issues, that I wasn't in my body a lot.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: A lot.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I would, I'm an overanalyzer.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a part of my family anxiety and overanalyzing.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so overthinking.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was always taught that it's important to think things through.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: And was always praised for my intelligence and my analyzing abilities.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't realize how crippling it was.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that overthinking, overthinking and allowing myself to overthink were actually signs that I did not feel safe in my body, that I didn't like being in my body.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a good way to distract myself from my body.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I hear this all the time, including from myself at one point.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why am I not having an orgasm?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I would not be in my body.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was not feeling safe enough.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about this thing or that thing, or I was having a flashback, honestly.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And and so, yeah, how can one have an orgasm if they're in that mental energy as opposed to like literally feeling what feels good in the body right now?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about something.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm thinking about performance.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: How do I look?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever that is.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And those are some of the the signs, you know, and symptoms of like, yeah, I'm like thinking about, like, oh, do I look good?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, do that, did that look good?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: How does it feel?
• 3:30
  unknown: Right.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a part of a performance piece.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And why does one feel that they need to perform, right?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Performance may have been, oh, I perform when I'm younger.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: That means I get noticed.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That means I'm seen, right?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: All these things.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is a way or or or maybe a perceived way of feeling safe.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But meanwhile, it's actually just some other aspect that is not connecting into true self.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I gotta do this instead of actually just be.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta do this to be seen instead of just be right here, which being right here would be like safety.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Or being right here wasn't safe.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Being in the body wasn't safe.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of clients with sexual trauma, they learn to dissociate from their bodies.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: You've talked to me about this.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: You're having a horrible experience in your body as a child.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: The only way out is escaping your mind because you cannot get away.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so you disassociate.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: You go somewhere else in your head.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: That is your freedom.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it is a great skill in that moment, but becomes maladaptive later in life.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and speaking of like in spaces of like the the sexual abuse and and having that when I was younger and moving through that experience, it's like that was like there was performance.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And like if I do this, this means I am being seen, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And like it's the rest of all of that, um, is is somehow comes back to safety.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, I'm not safe.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: My body knows I'm not safe, and yeah, I'm still doing this.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so this performance aspect comes back in, and it is just such a dissociation of like, I'm just here.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not even right, if I go back to as an adult now, I'm just here.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like being in this space, I'm not even enjoying it.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I like I learned not to.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: That was like my first experience.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But it and it doesn't need to be sexual trauma, but it just can be anything that is like oh, dropping us into a space of chaos equals this, and now I'm not in my body and disassociating somehow.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: I like how you're talking about being performative because that that seems to be a taught topic around sexuality.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it be porn being performative, they're acting, or people being performative for their partners, you know, saying they're orgasming when they're not, trying to be with the other person needs them to be.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting how you were bringing that up in your own life, how it was safe to be performative.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was safe to put on the show.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: And not be authentic and not be in your body.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like performative was how you got things done and made people happy with you.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: So carrying that on into real life, I think that just shows.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it gives good examples for people to be more compassionate with themselves if you catch yourself being performative.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that people can be really hard on themselves, especially if they feel trapped inside their own head.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know I was, I was the most critical person of myself, which means I was really critical of other people.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's a horrible way to live life.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I was very critical of myself because I felt like I could not be myself for a very long time, not fully my authentic sexual self.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: So in doing that, it it's almost like if you're performative and you feel like you have to put on a show, your anger has to go somewhere.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if it can't go out because you feel like you have to perform, it's gotta go in.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's gotta go somewhere.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we turn it on ourselves.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: So compassion.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's what that tirade was about.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Compassion.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Be compassionate if you feel like you're a performative person or you have a hard time feeling like you can drop in and be your authentic self and be in your body.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're authentically yourself, you are not only in your mind, your mind is present and calm, but you're in your body, you feel your body.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let's describe what being in the body feels like and what being out of the body feels like so people can understand that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I love this.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: When I feel dropped into my body, I can just touch my arm and just feel, even just lightly feel some of the hairs, just the sensations, and just be very present with all of that.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and it's funny because you can even hear there's there may be other things going on around around the outside.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You have other things there.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so really being able to notice the subtle differences and shifts of the crevices within the body, just being able to be like, oh my gosh, like that feels good.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I can see that, like being part of the sensation.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: I that is so present that I can feel and know and even describe that sensation down to every millisecond in this space.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So the sensations for me is when I know like I'm a yes.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in my fucking body.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: When I was out of my body, I would be thinking about a million different things.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: For me, I would, I was also getting flashbacks of things.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I would it, especially more, yeah, more earlier on, or even when I was just even things were repressed and even suppressing, where I would, I would just get flashbacks of things and I would feel just this contraction of my body.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like I need to like hold everything in, like I can't let go.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so felt very tense.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I never had, I did sometimes have pain um in the vaginal vaginal walls, and I would like feel that, but that was and that was all coming from the tightness now.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: I know, of like I'm not safe for to be penetrated right now.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so you could feel that, uh, where which is disasso could be like right, not feeling safe in the body, disassociating.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: What else do what else do you have?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh anything coming to mind?
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing that you said for me is when I am in my head and thinking about a ton of stuff, yeah.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: That is the first indication that I am not in my body.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: That that means I'm out here thinking about this over here and over here and over here.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Those are those moments where I can be driving and get to a destination and look up and go, that was a great trip, but I don't exactly remember all the steps I took to get here.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was on autopilot because my awareness was out here.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was not in my body.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: So overthinking, uh, the tightness, tightness in the body, pain, and especially pushing through it.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Pushing through pain, pushing through hunger, feeling like I have to get it done.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: All of those things mean I'm ignoring my body.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh health issues, health issues that chronically get worse because that means I'm pushing through.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not paying attention to my body.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: I am not giving myself the time and attention it needs to be in my body.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: I loved how you talked about sensate focus, that feeling small sensations and noticing things in the body, noticing the wind on your face, gentle, subtle things that show that you are in your body.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: When I'm not in my body, it's again that example of like driving somewhere and going, wait, how did I get here?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's not being distracted.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: When I am in my body, my mind is the most quiet.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Those are my most peaceful moments because I am present.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: I am here.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: I am feeling when the lure and the shiny sparkle of overthinking is that I don't have to feel.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Being in the body is all about feeling, it is not thinking.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, have you ever said heard someone go, I thought myself to that orgasm?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I thought myself into like this full-body multiple orgasm.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody says no.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: You don't think yourself to an orgasm.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: You can fantasize about stuff, yeah, but that's still going somewhere else.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not the thinking that brings the orgasm, it's the touching.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's the energy flow.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Even if you're not physically touching, it's feeling the energy.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: You have to feel.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not familiar with Brene Brown, she's just amazing, look her up.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: But she talks about vulnerability and how we cannot shut off any of our emotions.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you shut off the emotions you don't like or the feelings you don't like, those use the same pathways of the emotions that feel good.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: They run on the same darn highway.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: So you cannot shut off one and keep the other.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you shut off one, you shut off the other.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: So to stop feeling things that make us uncomfortable, yes, that don't feel good in our body, we shut off the good things.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: So you it's we have to feel.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling is being in the body.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it and I know it resonates with truth within me because how I moved before, I, you know, I don't even really not familiar with her work, but I know being uncomfortable within the body, being uncomfortable to touch or someone touching my body.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I then went through to touch my body, right?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't, and I learned that I actually had like a like, oh, like a I don't want to be touched type of feeling.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would sit through that uncomfortableness and I would sit there and sit there and I would stop and pause through and feel the emotion that would come through.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it was anger.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes, you know, I would shout or have that space where I'd be on my own and I'd be able to process that.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then I recognized one time where I had, I was seeing a vision of me where I was going to be crying with a partner I had at the time, just in in the middle of sex.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what is this?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is an intuitive vision, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: A psychic vision.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: I kept, I kept seeing this.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was with someone at the time.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so I see foreseeing basically something that would happen.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not familiar with, you know, being a psychic, you can tune into what potentially could happen in the future or may not energetically.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's all potentials.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: So seeing that, and I was already processing them like, what is that?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I ever cry when I'm when I'm having sex?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I just was the fear of thinking of that.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, no, that's that.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: When I started to learn afterwards, I learned this let going of control and being completely in the flow of the body actually was quite remarkable.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was like this loop that never got to play out.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: It was like the sadness or or grief or all these emotions that just never got to play out in actually a lot of my first sexual experiences with the sexual abuse.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of this was like held in.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt at that time I had a deep love for my partner.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, well, if I let go of control, what do I have?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember after uh pretty soon after we were done with sex, we were just still holding each other.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I just let go, let all the emotions he was still in me at the time, and it was like, whoa, like, what is this?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just letting go of control.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And something switched within me, was like a complete different perspective of how that there's no bad emotions in any experiences.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just, I was finally allowing myself to be held.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I finally felt safe enough to let go of control and to finally be held.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is like my all this integration of all my work on like feeling safe in the body, but that was the ultimate.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if anything, was like the gears finally clicked and said, Yes, this is the this is it.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is all the juices.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I could tell my sexual experiences after that got better.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Got better because I finally knew there if I let go of control of all of it, what else is there?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: All of it was in my mind.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like the letting go of control and thinking that that was something I needed to control was actually just in my mind.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And everything else I really dropped into my body, felt it all going forward.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a beautiful experience.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a good teaching tool, I think.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: If your lovers just burst into tears during sex, don't take it personally.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's a huge compliment.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's somebody feeling safe with you.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: And we've talked about sexual energy being the most honest energy there is, and like you said, it brings things up.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to let it go with your partner, it's feeling safe.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Your partner.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you said talking about juicy stuff, uh, from a nursey scientific point of view, we have our sympathetic nervous system and our parasympathetic nervous system.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that our sympathetic nervous system is the one that is like fight or flight.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's what kicks in when it's time to let go.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: The parasympathetic nervous system is stimulated when we relax.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it runs like our digestion.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: It makes our digestion go.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: So the more you relax, the better you digest your food.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's also what controls the circulation in the body that allows sex to happen.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Arousal, yeah.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Parasympathetic nervous system means erection.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: Parasympathetic nervous system means lubricated, happy vagina.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: That system does not kick in unless you feel safe.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: So fight or flight kicks in sympathetic when we are feeling stressed.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: That is what kicks in.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: The sympathetic and the parasympathetic cannot go at the same time.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's one or the other.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are feeling stressed and not relaxed and not safe, your sympathetic nervous system, your fight or flight kicks in, which means none of the happy stuff is going on down below that creates good sex or orgasm.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: You it's important that you have to relax and be out of fight or flight to have all the body systems that make orgasm and good sex happen, literally physically happen.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: You have to be relaxed.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: You have to feel safe.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Would you like to meet your spirit guides or build a deeper connection with them?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: If so, I have an online self-guided course with simple exercises and recommendations to help you build your connection with your spirit guides in your own way and at your own pace.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: If you're interested, please check it out at www.angelashelby.com or click the link in the show notes.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: What uh what does that look like?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: What like if what are some things?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can I can just go off of what's coming into me is like breath.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm coming whenever I get back into my breath, there's just something about it.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you can do like a box breathing, a four-four, four, four, breathe in.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, describe that.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: Describe box breathing.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: So where you breathe in for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds, or you could do it for three, three, three, three.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that actually gets us in, it literally gets us into that parasympathetic nervous system.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: It literally, you keep that cycle, it literally brings you into presence.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you can do that throughout your sexual experiences.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can do that even before you get into the bedroom with a partner because when you are actually practicing these things on your own, they become so innate.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: So anything that's like, let's do it here, let's do it before, because then you can even get into a practice with your partner too, where you are breathing.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you can even do uh some sort of cycled breathing with them where you're breathing, you know, up and out, and then they're breathing in, and then they're breathing out, and then you're breathing in, right?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there it creates this cycle within each other and even helps with co-regulation, which we're regulating on our own.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: But when we're with someone and entering that space together, it's good to be it's it's good to calm down together, to rest together, to know each other's energy, where we're at, and that breath can just bring one together.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, but I suggest before the bedroom first because then you just are like, all right, you know, let's breathe together.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just breathe together.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: I agree with you.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Brings me back into my body than focusing on my breath.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: You can't get away from it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can do it everywhere.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: And nobody knows when you're like grounding into your body.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's got to breathe.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just I love box breathing, but even just feeling my breath, just concentrating on what things feel like in my body.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: What does it feel like to have my butt in this chair?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like until I just said that, I was focused on you and I wasn't feeling my body, but now I'm focusing and I can feel the chair.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I can feel myself sink into my body.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's focusing on those small things, focusing on the breath.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: What does it feel like going through your nose?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: What does it feel like as it hits your lungs?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Focusing on that pops us right back into our body.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: So any of that kind of stuff.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Relaxed, lubricated vagina.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: If there's any vaginal pain, uh, any tightness, any burning, I would consider those indications of not feeling safe in my body.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: That there's something there that I need to look at.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what else?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: For me, one of the things that was coming in as like a tool is mindfulness.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you already touched upon like the feeling, and then there's all the other senses.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, and you can you practice this before you get in the bedroom.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: I would do this all the time when I have PTSD, and it's like you don't need to have PTSD because it just helps you drop in.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like, what am I seeing?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Describe, you know, this plant in front of me, the colors, you know, the sensations, right?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: What am I feeling?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: What am I hearing?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hearing right a clock or a fan move around.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: What am I smelling and tasting in all of the senses I feel really help?
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, when you know, I have this, do I have my tea, right?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: What am I tasting?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: What am I smelling?
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: And being able to get into all those senses when you are literally feeling those senses or seeing them or describing them, being with them, you are literally with them in the present moment.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not thinking about your grocery list or this potential thing happening in the future.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you're literally dropped into the present moment, and you can do that when you are um, yeah, when you're then in the bedroom with a partner too.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can bring yourself back into your body, pause, go slower, like tune in.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, tune into all those senses.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like it.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you had one takeaway for people today, what would it be?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would say I would say that you know, I talk about presence a lot, and say being safe in the body is actually allowing this, the infinite possibilities that we have with ourselves.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: We did talk about orgasm.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, oh, that it leads to better orgasm, but it leads to ultimately just a better experience in life.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to realize that this moment, this this sexual experience or this moment of being in my body is just a symptom of me living and feeling that and knowing that and embodying that and letting it just be.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: And being in the flow with that, I can take that everywhere.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: You just take it everywhere.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I think the takeaway would be staying present in the body.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and that being in our body and feeling safe in our body is not a luxury.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: It is a necessity.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: It is not something that we should push away or shove under the rug, getting in touch with our body, being comfortable with our body, regardless of what it looks like, regardless of what it feels like, regardless of what shape it's in, that brings us home to ourselves.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it puts us in the place that if there's something we're not liking in the moment, that is where the power is to change it.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: When we're out here, we give all our power away.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: When we are in our body, we are in that present moment, that is where the power is.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's where we can affect change.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: And when we don't do that, our bodies break.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's like anything.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: If I don't pay attention to my car, if I'm always blowing past the gas light being empty, if I'm not getting the oil changed, if I'm not paying attention to that clicking sound from the tire, what do I expect to happen?
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: My car's gonna go all the shit.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why people think that doing that to our bodies, it's not gonna go all the shit.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's going to.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's paying attention to our bodies like that and being present.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's how we take control of our health and who we are and decide who we want to be.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you like what you saw, feel free to subscribe to us.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're on all the major platforms.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Can follow us on social media or visit our website, eroticspiritpodcast.com.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is sponsored by MyAwakening Within.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: So join me online, myAwakeningWithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging with us today.
• 28:06
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