Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 4 - Episode 279 - It’s not your responsibility.

Transcript

Season 4 - Episode 279 - It’s not your responsibility. · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Hey everybody, welcome to the good morning from the Chicken
• 0:04
  Coop podcast. My name is Kim Johnson and I am
• 0:07
  a mastermindset coach, creative strategist, and also happened to
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  be a farmer. This is my chicken coop and I
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  come out here every day to record a podcast to teach
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  distinctions, possibilities, new ways of thinking, and just bring
• 0:20
  some joy into the world. So welcome to the Coop and let's
• 0:23
  start your day off in a fantastic way.
• 0:28
  Hey everybody, good morning. What do you do when you are
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  under pressure to take care of something that was not
• 0:37
  necessarily your fault? This happens a lot in families,
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  I mean a real lot in families. And it is inexplicable as to why
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  things fall on certain people's shoulders over others.
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  But it happens so often this time of the year, this stuff
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  starts to show up because of who's going to go somewhere for
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  the holidays, who's going to host a holiday, who's going to
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  be responsible. And it is a very common
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  conversation that I end up in and often times and not good,
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  bad or indifferent parents are flawed people.
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  And it's really important to remember this.
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  And if we are a parent, we are flawed.
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  I can personally sit here and say to you, there is no question
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  in my mind that I have flaws and I have big flaws and I try
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  really hard to not put them on people.
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  I try hard not to put my rules on people because it's not fair
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  to them. Just like my need to have a
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  very, very clean, orderly environment around me in my
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  home. Some people would sit there and
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  go, oh, she's OCD. I'm not OCDI just have really
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  high standards and I don't put them on other people.
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  I, I pick it up. They have responsibilities that
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  are basic normal. Hey, put your clothes in the
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  laundry. Hey, don't leave food out.
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  Hey, do this, they, they, they know clearing up, clear up your
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  plates, do all that. But the higher crazy stuff that
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  I feel is my standards, I don't put that on them.
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  And I've worked hard to not do that because it used to drive me
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  crazy. But once I recognized my driver
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  as my bus, all of that, I'm able to manage that.
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  So this time of year, it tends to happen.
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  Now, if you've got siblings, and many of us do, I don't.
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  But if you do have siblings, this comes up with parents a lot
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  where they pressure one child and doesn't matter how old this
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  child is. So if you are a 55 year old
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  child and I'm talking to you, if you're pressured by your
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  parents, it doesn't matter if your parents are 90, they will
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  do it. They will still do it because
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  they are still in that parental role and they don't recognize
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  that things don't change over time for them, that they, they
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  have to actually work at that change.
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  So there is pressure that's put on.
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  So between, you know, oh, you are not doing things, your
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  brother needs help. I, I can't tell you how many
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  times I hear this where a client who's a very successful person
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  will say, my parents are putting me under pressure to help my
• 3:15
  sister or my brother again. And I'm not doing it.
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  I'm just not doing it. I've done it my whole life and
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  I'm not doing it. This happens every time I help
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  that it doesn't change anything. And it and the story goes on and
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  on and on and on. You as an adult are not
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  responsible for your siblings outcomes.
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  And you as an adult are not responsible for your siblings
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  behavior. And you as an adult are not
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  responsible to heal the wounds of that other person.
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  That other person is responsible.
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  You as a child are not responsible for it.
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  If you are listening to this and you happen to be a teenager,
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  you're not responsible for what your sibling is doing.
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  You're just not. That was your parents choice to
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  let these things happen, not yours.
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  And you should not be made responsible for it.
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  But it happens. And parents say, oh, you know,
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  well, you're you're the good one.
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  You know, in their head they're like, oh, well, this person's
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  OK. So you take up the slack.
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  It's no different than being in that group of science.
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  You know, you're in the science lab and they put partner you up
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  with someone who's less qualified to be in a group of
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  high performers because they want that person to rise to the
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  occasion. But they don't rise to the
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  occasion. Typically what happens is they
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  let the people who are dominant and skilled take over and they
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  sit there and they do nothing to participate in their own rescue.
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  And that's the key to this whole thing.
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  He people have to participate in their own rescue.
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  The person has to rise to the occasion and want to.
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  And when they demonstrate that they don't, sure, we should give
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  everybody a chance, but when they demonstrate that they don't
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  want to rise to the occasion, please recognize it is not your
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  responsibility. And going into this season, it
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  is not your responsibility either.
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  You must protect yourself and your own energy from giving it
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  away to people who do not want it.
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  If they did, they would rise to the occasion.
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  They would do the right things. But they don't and they
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  demonstrate it. So remember the rule.
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  It is not your responsibility for other another person and it
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  is not your responsibility to fix the family.
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  All right, my friends, I hope you have a blessed day and I
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  will see you tomorrow. Bye.