Latest / All About Friendships / Long-Distance Friendships - Surviving Distance

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Long-Distance Friendships - Surviving Distance · All About Friendships

0:04
Speaker 1: US Studios. That is the scariest question you can ask
0:10
Speaker 1: yourself about a friendship, and I think a lot of
0:14
Speaker 1: people are asking themselves at right now. It does not count.
0:17
Speaker 1: Liking a story is not friendship maintenance. It's the bare
0:21
Speaker 1: minimum of human acknowledgment. And I'm adzel. This is one
0:26
Speaker 1: of those topics where everyone has experienced it, but nobody
0:29
Speaker 1: really talks about how to actually deal with it. Everyone
0:32
Speaker 1: just says, oh, true, friends stay friends, no matter what,
0:36
Speaker 1: and that sounds great on a motivational poster, but in reality,
0:39
Speaker 1: it takes actual work, real consistent, sometimes uncomfortable work. Before
0:45
Speaker 1: we get into the heavy stuff, though, let's catch up
0:47
Speaker 1: what's been going on with you man? The classic Friday
0:50
Speaker 1: deploy bold strategy, the one who moved to Chicago and
0:58
Speaker 1: think the assumption trap. That is so real. Both people
1:03
Speaker 1: are sitting there thinking the same thing. Both people are waiting,
1:06
Speaker 1: and the longer you wait, the harder it gets, because
1:08
Speaker 1: now there's this awkward silence that neither person knows how
1:11
Speaker 1: to break. It becomes this snowball of avoidance. The silence
1:15
Speaker 1: feeds on itself. I know exactly what you mean. There's
1:18
Speaker 1: a difference between having friends and having your person. Your
1:22
Speaker 1: person is the one who understands your silence, who knows
1:25
Speaker 1: what you mean before you finish your sentence. And when
1:28
Speaker 1: you move away from your person, there's this void that
1:31
Speaker 1: new friends can't fill because they don't have the history.
1:33
Speaker 1: So now you have this thing where you call each
1:35
Speaker 1: other every Sunday night. That's actually really cool, and I
1:39
Speaker 1: think that's the key right there. It's not about the distance,
1:41
Speaker 1: it's about the intention. You both decided that the friendship
1:44
Speaker 1: was worth the effort, even when it would have been
1:46
Speaker 1: easier to just let it go. Most people don't make
1:48
Speaker 1: that decision, They let convenience win. Honestly, not much been
1:52
Speaker 1: pretty quiet. I've been doing a lot of reading lately.
1:55
Speaker 1: Started this book about psychology and relationships, and it's got
1:58
Speaker 1: me thinking about a lot of stuff, like how we
2:00
Speaker 1: categorize people in our lives. You have your work friends,
2:03
Speaker 1: your school friends, your neighborhood friends, your gym friends. And
2:06
Speaker 1: then you have the ones who transcend all those categories,
2:09
Speaker 1: the ones who are just your friends regardless of context.
2:12
Speaker 1: They're not your work friend or your school friend, They're
2:15
Speaker 1: just your friend period exactly. Those are the ones worth
2:18
Speaker 1: fighting for, and I think most people don't realize they
2:21
Speaker 1: have those friendships until they're already gone, until the distance
2:24
Speaker 1: has already done its damage, and they look back and go, wait,
2:26
Speaker 1: when do we stop talking? When do we become strangers
2:28
Speaker 1: who used to be inseparable? Right? It's gradual, like water
2:32
Speaker 1: wearing away stone. You don't notice it happening, but one
2:35
Speaker 1: day you look at the rock and there's a groove
2:37
Speaker 1: where there used to be nothing. And I think the
2:39
Speaker 1: biggest reason is what I call the proximity defall. When
2:42
Speaker 1: you see someone every day, the friendship maintains itself without
2:46
Speaker 1: any effort. You grab lunch, you chat after class, you
2:49
Speaker 1: hang out on weekends. The friendship exists because of physical proximity.
2:55
Speaker 1: And when you remove that proximity, you realize the friendship
2:59
Speaker 1: never had an actual foundation. It was just convenience wearing
3:03
Speaker 1: the mask of connection. That is a statistically accurate statement.
3:08
Speaker 1: There was a study out of Duke that showed people
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Speaker 1: lose about half their close friendships within seven years of
3:13
Speaker 1: a major life transition, moving marriage, having kids, changing jobs,
3:19
Speaker 1: any big change that disrupts the daily proximity half in
3:23
Speaker 1: seven years if you don't actively work to maintain those connections. Yes,
3:28
Speaker 1: and here's the thing that makes it worse. When the
3:31
Speaker 1: distance first happens, both people usually promise to stay in touch.
3:34
Speaker 1: We'll call each other every week, we'll visit each other.
3:37
Speaker 1: It'll be like nothing changed. And that energy lasts for
3:40
Speaker 1: maybe a month, maybe two if you're both really committed,
3:44
Speaker 1: and then reality sets in. And that's the danger zone,
3:47
Speaker 1: the moment it starts to feel like a chore. That's
3:50
Speaker 1: when people start pulling back. They cancel a call here,
3:53
Speaker 1: skip a techs there, They say let's reschedule, and then
3:56
Speaker 1: never follow up, and the other person notices, but they
3:58
Speaker 1: don't say anything because they're doing the same thing, and
4:01
Speaker 1: it becomes this silent mutual agreement to let the friendship
4:07
Speaker 1: die without ever having a single conversation about it. And
4:10
Speaker 1: that wall wasn't built by a single moment. It was
4:12
Speaker 1: built by hundreds of small moments. Every unreturned text, every
4:16
Speaker 1: canceled call, every I'll call you tomorrow that never happened.
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Speaker 1: Each one is a brick, and eventually there's enough bricks
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Speaker 1: to build a wall that neither person knows how to
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Speaker 1: tear down. But that's the thing. People are afraid to
4:26
Speaker 1: address it because acknowledging the distance feels like admitting the
4:30
Speaker 1: friendship is failing, and nobody wants to be the one
4:32
Speaker 1: to say, hey, I feel like we're drifting apart, because
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Speaker 1: that feels vulnerable. It feels like you're asking for something,
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Speaker 1: like you're imposing. And there's this voice in the back
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Speaker 1: of your head that says, real friendships shouldn't require this
4:44
Speaker 1: kind of effort. If you have to ask someone to
4:46
Speaker 1: be your friend, maybe they don't want to be. I
4:50
Speaker 1: love that analogy, and it's true. We maintain our cars,
4:53
Speaker 1: our homes, our careers, we put effort into all these things,
4:57
Speaker 1: but when it comes to friendships, we expect them to
5:00
Speaker 1: work on their own, like their self sustaining, and they're not.
5:03
Speaker 1: They never have been. The friendships that last are the
5:05
Speaker 1: ones where both people decide consciously to keep showing up.
5:09
Speaker 1: In theory, yes, in practice, it's complicated because there's this
5:13
Speaker 1: unspoken rule that friendships should be effortless, that if you
5:17
Speaker 1: have to try too hard, maybe it's not meant to be.
5:19
Speaker 1: And that rule is complete garbage, but it's deeply ingrained
5:22
Speaker 1: in how we think about friendship. We apply this effortless
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Speaker 1: standard to friendship that we would never apply to a
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Speaker 1: romantic relationship. Absolutely, So let's talk about the actual strategies
5:32
Speaker 1: what works because we've both been through this, We've both
5:35
Speaker 1: lost friendships to distance, and we both kept friendships alive
5:38
Speaker 1: across distance. What separates the ones that survive from the
5:41
Speaker 1: ones that don't. Consistency is everything, and I think the
5:45
Speaker 1: anchor ritual works because it removes the decision fatigue. You
5:49
Speaker 1: don't have to think about when to reach out or
5:51
Speaker 1: what to say. The ritual handles that for you. It's
5:54
Speaker 1: like having a standing reservation for the friendship. You don't
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Speaker 1: have to wonder if the other person wants to hang
5:59
Speaker 1: out because you already know it's Tuesday at eight, we're
6:03
Speaker 1: talking done. My approach is different, but I think it
6:06
Speaker 1: achieves the same thing. I'm more of a random reach
6:08
Speaker 1: out person, Like if something reminds me of a friend,
6:11
Speaker 1: I'll send them a text right then. It might be
6:14
Speaker 1: a song, a meme, a photo, a screenshot of something funny,
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Speaker 1: even just a message that says, hey, this reminded me
6:20
Speaker 1: of you. It's low pressure, it takes five seconds, but
6:24
Speaker 1: it keeps the connection alive. It sends a signal that
6:28
Speaker 1: says you're on my mind, even though we're not in
6:30
Speaker 1: the same space exactly, and it works both ways. When
6:34
Speaker 1: someone sends me a random text that says this reminded
6:36
Speaker 1: me of you, I feel seen. I feel like that
6:39
Speaker 1: person is carrying me with them even though we're not
6:41
Speaker 1: in the same room. And that feeling is what keeps
6:44
Speaker 1: a friendship alive across any distance. It's the opposite of
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Speaker 1: out of sight out of mind. It's You're always on
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Speaker 1: my mind, regardless of where you are. That's a really
6:54
Speaker 1: important point. The friendship has to adapt. It's like a
6:57
Speaker 1: living thing. It has to grow and change with it.
7:00
Speaker 1: It's environment. Maybe instead of grabbing lunch, you start cooking
7:03
Speaker 1: the same recipe on the same night and video calling
7:05
Speaker 1: while you eat. Maybe instead of going to the gym together,
7:08
Speaker 1: you both follow the same workout program and send each
7:11
Speaker 1: other progress photos. Maybe instead of watching sports out of bars,
7:14
Speaker 1: you watch the same game and text trash talk in
7:17
Speaker 1: real time. The activity changes, but the connection stays because
7:21
Speaker 1: you were doing something together even though you were apart,
7:24
Speaker 1: and that shared experience created new memories and new inside
7:27
Speaker 1: jokes and new reasons to talk. That's the key. You
7:32
Speaker 1: can't just maintain the old friendship. You have to build
7:34
Speaker 1: a new version of it that works in the current circumstances.
7:38
Speaker 1: If you try to preserve the friendship exactly as it was,
7:41
Speaker 1: it will die. You have to let it evolve. Oh
7:43
Speaker 1: that's real. I had that experience when my best friend
7:47
Speaker 1: from high school moved to New York. She started posting
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Speaker 1: pictures with her new friend group, and I was happy
7:52
Speaker 1: for her, but also low key hurt, like am I replaceable?
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Speaker 1: Does she just find better friends? Am I no longer
7:59
Speaker 1: than character in her story? It does, and I think
8:02
Speaker 1: the mature response is to recognize that friendship is not
8:05
Speaker 1: a zero sum game. Someone having new friends does not
8:08
Speaker 1: diminish your friendship. Her love for me didn't decrease because
8:12
Speaker 1: she started loving new people too, But recognizing it and
8:15
Speaker 1: feeling it are two different things. You can understand intellectually
8:18
Speaker 1: that it's fine and still feel a sting when you
8:21
Speaker 1: see a photo of her at brunch with people whose
8:23
Speaker 1: names you don't even know. You talk about it, and
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Speaker 1: I know that sounds simple, but it's actually really hard
8:28
Speaker 1: because saying to your friend, hey, I felt weird when
8:30
Speaker 1: you posted pictures with your new group sounds insecure, and
8:34
Speaker 1: nobody wants to be the insecure friend. Nobody wants to
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Speaker 1: admit that they're jealous. But vulnerability is the price of
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Speaker 1: admission for deep friendship. If you can't tell your friend
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Speaker 1: how you're feeling, how deep can the friendship really be?
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Speaker 1: Let's hear them. That's a huge one, and it goes
8:50
Speaker 1: both ways. Sometimes the person who's not calling isn't doing
8:54
Speaker 1: it because they don't care. They might be dealing with depression,
8:57
Speaker 1: or they might be overwhelmed with their own life, or
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Speaker 1: they might genuinely not realize the imbalance. They think, Oh,
9:03
Speaker 1: I'll call them next week, and then next week turns
9:06
Speaker 1: into next month. But regardless of the reason, the result
9:09
Speaker 1: is the same. One person feels taken for granted, and
9:12
Speaker 1: feeling taken for granted is the fastest way to kill
9:15
Speaker 1: a friendship. History is a big one. Shared history creates
9:18
Speaker 1: a bond that transcends physical presence. When you've been through
9:21
Speaker 1: something together, when you have inside jokes that only the
9:24
Speaker 1: two of you understand, when you've seen each other at
9:27
Speaker 1: your worst and state anyway, when you know each other's
9:30
Speaker 1: family drama and complicated relationships. That creates a foundation that
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Speaker 1: distance can't easily erode. Because that history lives inside both
9:37
Speaker 1: of you. It doesn't require a physical location to exist.
9:42
Speaker 1: That's the dream, and I think that level of comfort
9:45
Speaker 1: only comes with deep trust. You trust that the friendship
9:48
Speaker 1: is solid enough to survive silence. You trust that the
9:52
Speaker 1: other person isn't keeping score of who called last. You
9:55
Speaker 1: trust that when you reconnect it'll be natural and easy.
9:59
Speaker 1: That trust doesn't happen overnight. It's built through years of
10:02
Speaker 1: showing up for each other. Which brings up an interesting question,
10:05
Speaker 1: can you build that kind of bond with someone you've
10:08
Speaker 1: never met in person? Because so many friendships now start
10:12
Speaker 1: online gaming communities, social media forums, discord servers, comment sections.
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Speaker 1: Can you have a deep, long distance friendship with someone
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Speaker 1: you've never actually been in the same room with? I agree,
10:25
Speaker 1: and I think the reason it works is that online
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Speaker 1: friendships skip the proximity step entirely. The friendship is built
10:31
Speaker 1: on shared interests and communication from the very beginning. There's
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Speaker 1: no transition from proximity based to distance based. It's distance
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Speaker 1: based from day one, so there's nothing to lose. You're
10:41
Speaker 1: not adjusting to a new reality. This is the reality
10:44
Speaker 1: you signed up for. But I think there's a ceiling
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Speaker 1: to online only friendships. At some point. You need to
10:50
Speaker 1: meet in person to take it to the next level,
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Speaker 1: not because online communication is lesser, but because there's a
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Speaker 1: whole dimension of human connection that only exists in person.
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Speaker 1: Body language, which energy, the way someone laughs when they're
11:02
Speaker 1: right next to you, the way they smell after a
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Speaker 1: long day, the way their eyes light up when they're
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Speaker 1: excited about something. You can't replicate that over a screen.
11:10
Speaker 1: That's hilarious and accurate. The first time I met one
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Speaker 1: of my online friends in person, we stood there for
11:15
Speaker 1: like ten seconds just staring at each other, like, do
11:17
Speaker 1: we hug, do we handshake? Do we do that awkward
11:20
Speaker 1: half hug thing? And then we both burst out laughing
11:22
Speaker 1: and it was fine, But those ten seconds were so weird.
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Speaker 1: You're meeting someone you've talked to for three years, but
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Speaker 1: you've never been in the same physical space. It's like
11:30
Speaker 1: your brain can't quite process that this person is real
11:33
Speaker 1: and standing in front of you. Right. And then after
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Speaker 1: you meet in person, the online friendship levels up because
11:40
Speaker 1: now you have both dimensions. You have the digital connection
11:43
Speaker 1: and the physical memory. And the next time you're on
11:45
Speaker 1: a call you can picture them sitting across from you.
11:47
Speaker 1: It changes the dynamic. Yeah, let's get tactical. What works
11:50
Speaker 1: on the ground. I like that protect the window. My
11:53
Speaker 1: tactical tip is what I call the events. Share. When
11:56
Speaker 1: something happens in your life, a big moment or even
11:59
Speaker 1: a small funny thing, share it with your long distance
12:01
Speaker 1: friend in real time. Send them a photo, a voice, memo,
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Speaker 1: a quick text. Don't save it for your next big
12:07
Speaker 1: catch up, because by the time you talk again, the
12:10
Speaker 1: moment has passed and it feels stale. The excitement is gone,
12:15
Speaker 1: and you end up telling the story with less energy
12:17
Speaker 1: than you would have had if you'd shared it in
12:18
Speaker 1: the moment. Exactly, the friendship has to exist in the present,
12:22
Speaker 1: not just in schedule catch ups. If you only share
12:25
Speaker 1: things during your planned calls, the friendship starts to feel
12:27
Speaker 1: like a performance instead of a natural part of your life.
12:31
Speaker 1: It becomes this structured thing instead of a flowing thing.
12:34
Speaker 1: And here's a pro tip for visits. Don't tell the
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Speaker 1: other person the exact time you're arriving. If you can
12:38
Speaker 1: avoid it, show up as a surprise, because the look
12:41
Speaker 1: on their face when they open the door and see
12:43
Speaker 1: you standing there that moment is worth more than any
12:46
Speaker 1: planned activity. I surprised my friend in Portland last year,
12:49
Speaker 1: and she screamed so loud her neighbors came out to
12:51
Speaker 1: chap if everything was okay. And when you do visit,
12:53
Speaker 1: don't try to cram everything into one weekend. I made
12:56
Speaker 1: that mistake when I visited my friend in Seattle. I
12:58
Speaker 1: had this packed I Tenori have things to do and
13:00
Speaker 1: places to see and restaurants to try, Pike Place Market,
13:04
Speaker 1: the Space Needle, Fremont, Ballard, Capital Hell. And by the
13:07
Speaker 1: end of the weekend, I was exhausted and we barely
13:09
Speaker 1: had real conversations because we were always rushing to the
13:12
Speaker 1: next activity. It felt like a tourist trip, not a
13:15
Speaker 1: friendship trip. It's about quality of presents, not quantity of activities.
13:19
Speaker 1: Give me three days of just hanging out over one
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Speaker 1: day of a packed itinerary any day, because the goal
13:24
Speaker 1: of a visit is to feel connected again, and connection
13:27
Speaker 1: happens in the quiet moments, not the tourist moments. That's
13:30
Speaker 1: not corny at all. That's essential because when you're far away,
13:34
Speaker 1: you miss all the small celebrations that happen naturally in person.
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Speaker 1: The high five after a good presentation, the spontaneous dinner
13:41
Speaker 1: to celebrate good news, the group chat going crazy when
13:44
Speaker 1: someone shares big news. You have to manufacture those moments
13:47
Speaker 1: when there's distance, you have to create the celebration yourself.
13:51
Speaker 1: That's when the friendship proves its value. Anyone can be
13:54
Speaker 1: there for the good times. The real friends are the
13:58
Speaker 1: ones who show up for the bad times, even when
14:00
Speaker 1: showing up means a three hour foll call instead of
14:02
Speaker 1: a hug you, when showing up means driving six hours
14:05
Speaker 1: to sit with someone in a hospital waiting room. Distance
14:08
Speaker 1: makes those moments harder, but it doesn't make them impossible.
14:11
Speaker 1: That's the silent killer. And it happens so gradually that
14:14
Speaker 1: you don't notice it until you're on a call and
14:17
Speaker 1: you realize you have nothing to talk about, or worse,
14:19
Speaker 1: you're having a conversation and you realize you've become fundamentally
14:22
Speaker 1: different people. They're talking about things you don't care about,
14:25
Speaker 1: and you're talking about things they don't understand, and there's
14:28
Speaker 1: this growing gap that neither of you knows how to bridge.
14:31
Speaker 1: Did you figure it out? That's exactly what I mean
14:34
Speaker 1: by evolving the friendship. You found a new foundation. The
14:37
Speaker 1: old one was proximity and shared classes. The new one
14:40
Speaker 1: is shared values and shared history. Different foundations, same friendship.
14:44
Speaker 1: It is okay, but it's also sad, and I think
14:48
Speaker 1: people need to give themselves permission to grieve those friendships.
14:51
Speaker 1: It's not just a relationship ending. It's a part of
14:54
Speaker 1: your life closing. The person who knew you at twenty
14:57
Speaker 1: might not know you at thirty, and that loss is
14:59
Speaker 1: real even and if nobody died, agreed, So growing apart
15:02
Speaker 1: doesn't mean the friendship is over. It means the friendship
15:05
Speaker 1: needs to evolve. You might not have the same interest anymore,
15:08
Speaker 1: but you can still care about each other. You might
15:10
Speaker 1: not agree on everything, but you can still respect each other.
15:13
Speaker 1: The friendship doesn't have to stay the same to be valid.
15:16
Speaker 1: It just has to stay intentional. I agree, and I
15:19
Speaker 1: think part of maturity is accepting that friendships have seasons.
15:22
Speaker 1: Some friendships are forever, Some friendships are for a specific
15:25
Speaker 1: period of your life, and both are okay. The friendship
15:28
Speaker 1: that got you through college doesn't have to be the
15:30
Speaker 1: same friendship that gets you through your thirties. It can
15:32
Speaker 1: change form, It can become something different and still be meaningful.
15:35
Speaker 1: The difference is whether both people still want it. A
15:38
Speaker 1: friendship that's evolving has two people who are actively working
15:41
Speaker 1: to find new ways to connect. They're adjusting, they're adapting,
15:45
Speaker 1: they're having the uncomfortable conversations about how the friendship needs
15:48
Speaker 1: to change. A friendship that's dying has at least one
15:51
Speaker 1: person who stopped trying. The effort disappears, the intention disappears,
15:56
Speaker 1: the text get shorter, the calls get less frequent, and
15:59
Speaker 1: eventually the friendship just becomes a memory, a highlight reel
16:03
Speaker 1: of what used to be. Absolutely, and don't overthink it.
16:06
Speaker 1: You don't need a reason, you don't need a special occasion,
16:08
Speaker 1: you don't need to prepare a whole speech. Just send
16:10
Speaker 1: a message that says, hey, I've been thinking about you.
16:13
Speaker 1: That's it. That's enough. Nine times out of ten, that
16:15
Speaker 1: message will start a conversation that rekindles the whole thing.
16:18
Speaker 1: A whole year. That's a long time, And was it
16:21
Speaker 1: weird after a year of silence. That's powerful And I
16:25
Speaker 1: think that's the message we want to leave people with today.
16:28
Speaker 1: Real friendship survives distance, but it doesn't survive neglect. There's
16:33
Speaker 1: a difference between giving a friendship space to breathe and
16:36
Speaker 1: letting it suffocate from lack of attention. You have to
16:39
Speaker 1: know the difference, and you have to choose to keep
16:41
Speaker 1: it alive every single day. I love that challenge and
16:45
Speaker 1: I want to add to it for the friends. You're
16:46
Speaker 1: currently in a long distance friendship with check in with yourself.
16:50
Speaker 1: Are you putting in enough effort? Are you being intentional?
16:53
Speaker 1: Or are you letting the distance do the work for you?
16:55
Speaker 1: Because the distance will always do the work. If you
16:57
Speaker 1: let it, it will always pull you apart. Your job
17:00
Speaker 1: is to pull back. Let's go Top two. Send random
17:05
Speaker 1: texts that say this reminded me of you. No context needed,
17:08
Speaker 1: no explanation necessary, just the gesture. Tip four. Visit when
17:13
Speaker 1: you can save up if you need to plan ahead.
17:17
Speaker 1: Quality time in person is irreplaceable. Tip six allows silence.
17:23
Speaker 1: Not every friendship needs daily communication to survive. Some friendships
17:26
Speaker 1: breathe better with space. Pick eight eight. Remember important dates,
17:31
Speaker 1: bird days, anniversaries of big events, job interviews, medical appointments.
17:35
Speaker 1: Show up for the small stuff and the big stuff
17:37
Speaker 1: takes care of itself. Tip ten trust the bond. If
17:41
Speaker 1: the friendship is real, it can survive anything, but only
17:44
Speaker 1: if you keep choosing it every single day. Distance is
17:48
Speaker 1: just geography. Friendship is a choice. Now, let's take a
17:52
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Speaker 1: that too short. You can listen during your commute, or
18:18
Speaker 1: while you're cooking dinner or going for a walk, and
18:20
Speaker 1: by the end you feel like you've learned something meaningful,
18:23
Speaker 1: something that sticks with you. Seriously, give it a listen,
18:26
Speaker 1: and while you're at it, check out some of the
18:28
Speaker 1: other shows on the Hustle Studios Network. We've got something
18:31
Speaker 1: for everyone, Horror, comedy, true crime, news, kids stories, you
18:36
Speaker 1: name it, We've got it. And remember, the distance is real,
18:39
Speaker 1: but the effort is a choice. You get to decide
18:41
Speaker 1: every day whether that friendship is worth fighting for. And
18:44
Speaker 1: the good ones, the real ones, they're always worth it.
18:46
Speaker 1: And share this episode with a long distance front, especially
18:49
Speaker 1: the one you've been meaning to call but haven yet.
18:52
Speaker 1: Make today the day send them this link and say hey,
18:54
Speaker 1: I heard this and it made me think of us.
18:56
Speaker 1: That's all it takes. Next episode, we're tackling a topic
18:59
Speaker 1: that I know a lot of you have experienced, when
19:02
Speaker 1: friends become rivals, That competitive energy that sneaks into friendships,
19:06
Speaker 1: and how to handle it before it destroys everything. Until then,
19:09
Speaker 1: take care of each other, whether you're right next door
19:12
Speaker 1: or one thousand miles away. See you next time.
19:16
Speaker 2: You ever look at your phone and realize the last
19:19
Speaker 2: text you sent your best friend was like three weeks ago.
19:23
Speaker 2: Not because you're fighting, not because something happened, just life
19:27
Speaker 2: gotten the way, And then you start thinking, wait, are
19:30
Speaker 2: we still friends or did we just become people who
19:33
Speaker 2: used to know each other?
19:34
Speaker 1: Right?
19:34
Speaker 2: And here's the thing. We've all been there. You move
19:37
Speaker 2: to a new city, your best friend stays behind, or
19:40
Speaker 2: they move and you stay, and suddenly this person who
19:43
Speaker 2: is in your life every single day becomes someone you
19:46
Speaker 2: FaceTime once a month if you're lucky, and then once
19:49
Speaker 2: every three months. And then you're liking their Instagram stories
19:52
Speaker 2: and thinking that counts as maintaining the friendship. It does
19:55
Speaker 2: not count at all. Welcome back to all about friendships.
19:57
Speaker 1: Everybody I'm Paul, and today we are diving into something
20:01
Speaker 1: that honestly hits close to home for both of us,
20:05
Speaker 1: long distance friendships.
20:07
Speaker 2: How do you survive them? How do you keep a
20:09
Speaker 2: friendship alive when there are hundreds or thousands of miles
20:12
Speaker 2: between you and the person you consider your day one.
20:16
Speaker 2: We've got stories, we've got strategies, and we've got some
20:19
Speaker 2: hard truths that might make you uncomfortable. It takes so
20:22
Speaker 2: much work, and we're going to get into all of
20:25
Speaker 2: it today, the struggles, the mistakes people make, the things
20:29
Speaker 2: that actually work, and we've got some stories that are
20:32
Speaker 2: going to make you text your long distance best friend
20:35
Speaker 2: after this episode. I guarantee it okay, So real talk.
20:38
Speaker 2: I have been absolutely slammed this week. Work has been wild.
20:42
Speaker 2: We've got this project that was supposed to launch last Friday,
20:45
Speaker 2: and of course everything broke at the last minute. You
20:47
Speaker 2: know how it is. One thing goes wrong and then
20:49
Speaker 2: everything cascades. It was not a strategy. It was panic,
20:54
Speaker 2: pure panic. My manager was standing behind me watching me
20:57
Speaker 2: debug at seven pm on a Friday, while everyone else
21:00
Speaker 2: had already left. I wanted to crawl under my desk
21:03
Speaker 2: and disappear. But Honestly, the thing that kept me saying
21:06
Speaker 2: this week was hopping on a call with my buddy Marco.
21:09
Speaker 2: You remember Marko, right, the guy I grew up with
21:11
Speaker 2: in San Diego. Yes, So Marco moved to.
21:14
Speaker 1: Chicago like two years ago for a job, and we
21:16
Speaker 1: used to hang out every single weekend, like clockwork, Saturday morning, basketball,
21:21
Speaker 1: Sunday brunch at this takaria we both loved, and when
21:24
Speaker 1: he left, I genuinely thought our friendship was going to fade.
21:27
Speaker 1: I was scared about it, like I knew it was
21:29
Speaker 1: going to happen, and it did fade. For like six months,
21:33
Speaker 1: we barely talked. I'd see his stories from Chicago and
21:36
Speaker 1: be like, Oh, he's living his best life. He doesn't
21:38
Speaker 1: need me anymore, and he'd see mine and think the
21:40
Speaker 1: same thing. Probably we both made assumptions.
21:43
Speaker 2: We both sat there waiting for the other person to
21:45
Speaker 2: reach out first, and neither of us did exactly. It's
21:49
Speaker 2: like the longer you go without talking, the more pressure
21:51
Speaker 2: builds up, because now it's not just a casual check in.
21:55
Speaker 2: Now it's like I have to explain why I haven't
21:57
Speaker 2: called in six months, and that conversation feels heavy. So
22:00
Speaker 2: you keep putting it off. So what happened was I
22:03
Speaker 2: called him one night, just randomly, no reason. I was
22:06
Speaker 2: driving home from work and his name popped into my
22:08
Speaker 2: head and I just called him right then and there,
22:10
Speaker 2: and he picked up and we talked for two hours,
22:13
Speaker 2: two hours about nothing and everything. His new apartment, the
22:17
Speaker 2: weird neighbor who plays trumpet at midnight, this girl he's
22:20
Speaker 2: been seeing, the food scene in Chicago. And somewhere in
22:23
Speaker 2: the middle of all that, he told me he'd been
22:25
Speaker 2: feeling the same way, like he missed having his person
22:28
Speaker 2: around Chicago was cool, but he didn't have that one
22:31
Speaker 2: friend who just got him. You know, the hay history. Yes,
22:35
Speaker 2: And that's the thing new friends in a nusiki can
22:37
Speaker 2: never replicate. They don't know about the time you got
22:40
Speaker 2: lost at Disneyland when you were twelve. They don't know
22:43
Speaker 2: your weird food preferences, or the fact that you always
22:45
Speaker 2: sleep with one sock on. That shared history is what
22:49
Speaker 2: makes a friendship irreplaceable. Yeah, it's not scheduled or anything.
22:53
Speaker 2: It just happens. And if one of us misses a week,
22:55
Speaker 2: the other one texts like, hey, where are you at?
22:58
Speaker 2: It became this unspoken commitment. No alarm, no calendar, invite,
23:02
Speaker 2: just two friends who decided that talking to each other
23:05
Speaker 2: matters enough to make time for it one hundred percent.
23:08
Speaker 2: What about you? What's been happening in the Edzel world?
23:11
Speaker 2: And those are the ones you can't afford to lose
23:13
Speaker 2: the distance. That's deep, man, and it connects perfectly to
23:19
Speaker 2: what we're talking about today. So let's get into it. Okay,
23:22
Speaker 2: So let's start with the obvious question, why do long
23:25
Speaker 2: distance friendships die? Like what is the actual mechanism? Because
23:30
Speaker 2: it's not like one day you wake up and decide
23:31
Speaker 2: to stop being friends with someone. Nobody does that. It's
23:34
Speaker 2: always more subtle than that. That's harsh, but true. I
23:37
Speaker 2: think about college specifically, Like, in college, you have these
23:40
Speaker 2: friends who you think are going to be in your
23:42
Speaker 2: life forever. You're inseparable for four years. You eat together,
23:45
Speaker 2: study together, party together, have emotional breakdowns together at two
23:49
Speaker 2: am in the library, and then graduation happens, and within
23:52
Speaker 2: a year you've lost touch with like ninety percent of
23:55
Speaker 2: them half. That's wild. So basically, every time you make
23:58
Speaker 2: a major like move, you're cutting your friend group in half.
24:01
Speaker 2: That's depressing the reality of time zones of busy schedules
24:05
Speaker 2: of being tired after work and not wanting to do
24:07
Speaker 2: anything except watch Netflix on the couch, and suddenly calling
24:11
Speaker 2: your friend feels like a chore instead of something you
24:14
Speaker 2: want to do, and once it feels like a chore,
24:17
Speaker 2: you start avoiding it. Bro, are you describing my friendship
24:20
Speaker 2: with Kevin right now? Because that is exactly what happened
24:23
Speaker 2: with me and Kevin. We were so close in high school,
24:26
Speaker 2: like best men at each other's wedding close. And then
24:29
Speaker 2: I moved for college and he stayed, and for the
24:32
Speaker 2: first few months we were texting every day, calling every weekend,
24:36
Speaker 2: and then it just stopped, and neither of us addressed it.
24:40
Speaker 2: We just let it happen. And now we're at the
24:42
Speaker 2: point where we see each other at mutual friends events
24:45
Speaker 2: and it's awkward, like we're polite, but there's this wall
24:49
Speaker 2: that wasn't there before. That's a perfect way to describe it.
24:52
Speaker 2: And here's what kills me. If either of us had
24:54
Speaker 2: just made one phone call, just one, we could have
24:57
Speaker 2: prevented all of it. But neither of us wanted to
24:59
Speaker 2: be the one to acknowledge that the friendship was slipping,
25:01
Speaker 2: because acknowledging it felt like admitting failure, like admitting we
25:05
Speaker 2: weren't the friends we thought we were. That voice is
25:07
Speaker 2: the enemy, because the truth is every meaningful relationship requires maintenance.
25:11
Speaker 2: Your car needs oil changes, your house needs cleaning, your
25:14
Speaker 2: body needs exercise, and your friendships need attention. The ones
25:17
Speaker 2: that get neglected, they break down, just like everything else.
25:20
Speaker 2: But shouldn't you be able to be vulnerable with your
25:22
Speaker 2: best friend? Isn't that the whole point of having a
25:25
Speaker 2: best friend Someone You can be completely honest with someone,
25:29
Speaker 2: You can say hey, I miss you too, without feeling
25:31
Speaker 2: weird about it. It is garbage. Friendships take work, just
25:35
Speaker 2: like romantic relationships do. You have to invest time, energy, attention.
25:40
Speaker 2: You have to show up even when it's inconvenient. You
25:42
Speaker 2: have to have hard conversations when things feel off. And
25:45
Speaker 2: I think the people who understand that are the ones
25:47
Speaker 2: who keep their friendships alive across any distance.
25:50
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll go first. The number one thing for me
25:52
Speaker 1: is what I call the anchor ritual. It's like having
25:55
Speaker 1: one non negotiable thing that you do with that person
25:58
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. For me, Marco, it's the Sunday
26:01
Speaker 1: night call for me and my cousin it's watching the
26:04
Speaker 1: same show and texting about it in real time. It
26:07
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a big thing.
26:08
Speaker 2: It has to be consistent, like a hard beat for
26:11
Speaker 2: the friendship exactly. And it takes the pressure off because
26:14
Speaker 2: both people know it's coming. You're not sitting there wondering
26:17
Speaker 2: when they're going to text you. You know it's Sunday
26:19
Speaker 2: at nine, and if they don't show up, you know
26:21
Speaker 2: something is off. It becomes this barometer for the friendship.
26:24
Speaker 2: I love that because it's so simple. You don't have
26:26
Speaker 2: to have a deep conversation every time. Sometimes just knowing
26:29
Speaker 2: someone thought about you is enough. Like when I get
26:32
Speaker 2: a random text from someone I haven't talked to in
26:34
Speaker 2: a while that says this made me think of you,
26:37
Speaker 2: it completely makes my day. It cost them ten seconds,
26:40
Speaker 2: but it means everything. Okay, here's another thing I've noticed.
26:43
Speaker 2: The friends who survive distance are the ones who evolve
26:46
Speaker 2: the friendship. Like, you can't keep doing the same things
26:48
Speaker 2: you did when you lived in the same city. If
26:50
Speaker 2: you used to grab lunch every day, you can't do
26:52
Speaker 2: that anymore. If you used to go to the gym together,
26:55
Speaker 2: that's over. So you have to find new ways to connect.
26:58
Speaker 2: That fit your new reality. You have to reinvent the
27:00
Speaker 2: friendship without losing its essence. You just describe my friend
27:03
Speaker 2: group's pandemic strategy. We couldn't hang out in person, so
27:06
Speaker 2: we started a virtual book club, six dudes reading self
27:09
Speaker 2: help books and arguing about them on Zoom every Thursday night.
27:12
Speaker 2: It was the most unexpected thing ever, and it actually
27:15
Speaker 2: brought us closer than we were before because we were
27:17
Speaker 2: having real conversations about real stuff that we never would
27:21
Speaker 2: have had if we were just hanging out at a bars.
27:25
Speaker 2: I want to talk about something that I think a
27:26
Speaker 2: lot of people struggle with, and that's the jealousy factor.
27:29
Speaker 2: When your friend moves to a new city and starts
27:31
Speaker 2: making new friends, it can feel like a betrayal, even
27:34
Speaker 2: though it's totally not right and it's irrational because obviously
27:37
Speaker 2: she needs friends where she lives. She can't just sit
27:39
Speaker 2: in her apartment alone waiting for you to visit. She
27:40
Speaker 2: needs people to get dinner with, to go to concerts with,
27:43
Speaker 2: to complain about work with. But emotionally it hits different.
27:46
Speaker 2: Your brain knows it's fine, but your heart feels some
27:48
Speaker 2: type of way. So how do you deal with that sting?
27:50
Speaker 1: Because I think a lot of people just bottle it
27:52
Speaker 1: up and let it turn into resentment. Man, you're dropping
27:54
Speaker 1: wisdom today. I'm over here taking notes. Okay, here's another angle.
27:57
Speaker 1: I want to explore the difference between friends who drift
28:00
Speaker 1: apart and friends who stay connected, because I think it
28:03
Speaker 1: comes down to a few specific things that you can
28:04
Speaker 1: actually identify and work on. Number one is whether both
28:07
Speaker 1: people are putting in equal effort, because long distance friendships
28:11
Speaker 1: cannot be one sided. If one person is always calling
28:14
Speaker 1: and the other person never initiates, that's not sustainable. Eventually,
28:18
Speaker 1: the person who's calling gets tired of being the only
28:20
Speaker 1: one making an effort. They start to feel like they
28:22
Speaker 1: care more than the other person, and that feeling is
28:24
Speaker 1: poison for a friendship.
28:25
Speaker 2: Number two is.
28:26
Speaker 1: Whether the friendship has a shared identity beyond proximity. Like,
28:31
Speaker 1: if the only thing you have in common with someone
28:33
Speaker 1: is that you sit next to each other in class
28:35
Speaker 1: or work in the same office, there's nothing to sustain
28:38
Speaker 1: the friendship once you're not.
28:39
Speaker 2: Sitting next to each other anymore. But if you share values, interests, humor, history,
28:45
Speaker 2: if you have the same outlook on life or the
28:47
Speaker 2: same weird obsession with true crime documentaries. Then the friendship
28:51
Speaker 2: has something to hold on to, something that exists independent
28:55
Speaker 2: of geography. Number three is whether the friendship allows for silence.
28:58
Speaker 2: And I know that sounds weird, but hear me out.
29:01
Speaker 2: Some friendships require constant communication to survive. If you don't
29:04
Speaker 2: talk for a week, it's awkward. There's this tension of oh,
29:07
Speaker 2: they haven't called, Should I call? Are they mad at me?
29:10
Speaker 2: But the strongest long distance friendships are the ones where
29:13
Speaker 2: you can go a month without talking and pick up
29:15
Speaker 2: right where you left off. No guilt, no weirdness, just hey,
29:19
Speaker 2: I missed you, what's been going on? And that trust
29:21
Speaker 2: is built over years. You can't shortcut it. You can't
29:24
Speaker 2: create that kind of bond with someone you've known for
29:25
Speaker 2: six months. It takes time and shared experience and weathering
29:28
Speaker 2: storms together. It takes seeing someone handle a crisis and
29:31
Speaker 2: knowing you do the same for them. I think you
29:33
Speaker 2: absolutely can. I have friends I met through gaming who
29:36
Speaker 2: I've never met face to face, but we talk every
29:39
Speaker 2: single day. We've been through breakups together, job losses, family stuff,
29:43
Speaker 2: mental health struggles. The emotional intimacy is real even without
29:46
Speaker 2: the physical proximity. You can cry on a call with
29:49
Speaker 2: someone you've never met in person, and it's just as
29:52
Speaker 2: real as crying with someone sitting next to you.
29:54
Speaker 1: That's actually a really good point. The friendships that struggle
29:57
Speaker 1: with distance are the ones that started with proximity because
29:59
Speaker 1: the adjustment jarring. It's like going from a five star
30:01
Speaker 1: hotel to a motel. But the ones that start online,
30:04
Speaker 1: they don't have to adjust. They're already in the format
30:07
Speaker 1: that works. The baseline is already distanced, so there's nowhere
30:10
Speaker 1: to fall from.
30:11
Speaker 2: Agreed, and that first in person meeting after knowing someone
30:14
Speaker 2: online for years is one of the most surreal experiences ever.
30:17
Speaker 2: It's like you know everything about this person, but you've
30:20
Speaker 2: never seen them move. You've never seen how they order
30:22
Speaker 2: at a restaurant, or how they react to a loud noise,
30:25
Speaker 2: or how they hug. It's like meeting a celebrity, except
30:27
Speaker 2: a celebrity knows all your secrets and a senior ugly
30:30
Speaker 2: cry at three am. And then once you get over
30:32
Speaker 2: that initial weirdness, it's the best thing ever because you
30:35
Speaker 2: already know each other so deeply. The in person part
30:38
Speaker 2: just adds this extra layer, like, oh, so this is
30:41
Speaker 2: what your last sounds like in real life. This is
30:43
Speaker 2: how tall you actually are, This is how you smell.
30:46
Speaker 2: It fills in all these blanks that you didn't even
30:48
Speaker 2: know were empty. Okay, let's shift gears a little.
30:51
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the practical side of maintaining
30:53
Speaker 1: long distance friendships, because we've been talking about the emotional
30:56
Speaker 1: and philosophical side, but there are actual, concrete things people
31:00
Speaker 1: can do real tactics.
31:02
Speaker 2: Number one on my list is the time zone hack.
31:05
Speaker 1: If you have a friend in a different time zone,
31:07
Speaker 1: figure out the overlap in your schedules and protect it
31:10
Speaker 1: like it's sacred. My friend Marco is two hours ahead
31:13
Speaker 1: of me, so I know that if I call him
31:15
Speaker 1: after seven my time, it's after nine his time, and
31:18
Speaker 1: he's usually winding down. That's our window between seven and
31:22
Speaker 1: nine my time. That's when we talk, and I protect
31:25
Speaker 1: that window. I don't schedule other stuff during that time.
31:28
Speaker 1: It's booked.
31:29
Speaker 2: That's so true. There's nothing worse than having a friend
31:32
Speaker 2: tell you about something wild that happened to them three
31:34
Speaker 2: weeks ago, and you're like, wait, why didn't you tell
31:36
Speaker 2: me when it happened? And they're like, I was going
31:38
Speaker 2: to tell you next time we talked, and you're like, dude,
31:41
Speaker 2: that was three weeks ago. The moment is dead now.
31:44
Speaker 2: I can't be excited about something that happened three weeks ago.
31:46
Speaker 2: Another tactical thing visit each other. I know that sounds obvious,
31:50
Speaker 2: but so many people make excuses. Flights are too expensive,
31:54
Speaker 2: I'm too busy. I'll go next month, I'll go during
31:56
Speaker 2: the holidays, and next month turns into next year, and
31:59
Speaker 2: the holidays are always too hectic. You have to actually
32:02
Speaker 2: put visits on the calendar. Treat it like a commitment,
32:05
Speaker 2: like a doctor's appointment. You can't cancel, book the flight,
32:08
Speaker 2: plan the.
32:09
Speaker 1: Trip, show up, even if it's just for a weekend,
32:12
Speaker 1: even if you can only afford a cheap flight and
32:13
Speaker 1: a couch to sleep on.
32:16
Speaker 2: The visit itself is what matters, not the accommodations. That's
32:22
Speaker 2: the best. The surprise visit is an art form, and
32:24
Speaker 2: it works because it says I care about you enough
32:26
Speaker 2: to fly across the country just to see your face,
32:29
Speaker 2: no agenda, no occasion, just because Yes. The best visits
32:33
Speaker 2: are the ones where you just exist together, like you're
32:35
Speaker 2: both in the same space doing nothing special, cooking dinner,
32:39
Speaker 2: walking around the neighborhood, sitting on the couch watching bad
32:42
Speaker 2: reality TV. Those are the moments that recharge the friendship,
32:45
Speaker 2: not the planned activities, the unplanned moments in between. Okay,
32:49
Speaker 2: here's another one, and this is gonna sound kind of corny,
32:52
Speaker 2: but I think it matters. Celebrate their wins. When your
32:54
Speaker 2: long distance friend gets a promotion, or gets engaged, or
32:57
Speaker 2: accomplishes something, make a big deal out of it, Send
33:00
Speaker 2: a gift, write a long message, make a video. Make
33:03
Speaker 2: them feel like you're right there celebrating with them even
33:05
Speaker 2: though you're not. And on the flip side, be there
33:08
Speaker 2: for the losses when they lose a job, or go
33:10
Speaker 2: through a breakup or their parent get sick. Those are
33:12
Speaker 2: the moments when distance hurts the most because you want
33:15
Speaker 2: to be there physically to hug them and you can't.
33:17
Speaker 2: But a phone call at midnight when they're crying can
33:20
Speaker 2: mean everything. A handwritten letter that arrives on their worst
33:23
Speaker 2: day can save a friendship those moments.
33:25
Speaker 1: Is showing up when it matters most or what separates
33:27
Speaker 1: surface level friends from real friends.
33:30
Speaker 2: Okay, I want to talk about something that I think
33:32
Speaker 2: is the hardest part of long distance friendships, and that's
33:36
Speaker 2: the fear of outgrowing each other. Because when you're not
33:39
Speaker 2: in the same environment, you develop separately. You change, your interests, change,
33:44
Speaker 2: your values might shift, your sense of humor evolves, your
33:48
Speaker 2: life circumstances become so different that you start to wonder
33:51
Speaker 2: if you still have anything in common. I have that
33:54
Speaker 2: with my friend Daniel. We were inseparable in college, same major,
33:57
Speaker 2: same classes, same social circle. And after graduation, he went
34:01
Speaker 2: into finance and I went into tech, and within two
34:03
Speaker 2: years we were living completely different lives. He was talking
34:06
Speaker 2: about market analysis and quarterly reports and I was talking
34:09
Speaker 2: about user experience and product launches. And we try to connect,
34:13
Speaker 2: but it felt like we were speaking different languages. Eventually, yeah,
34:17
Speaker 2: we realized we had to stop trying to talk about
34:19
Speaker 2: work and start talking about the stuff that made us
34:21
Speaker 2: friends in the first place. Our shared love of basketball,
34:24
Speaker 2: our matching sense of humor, our families, the things that
34:26
Speaker 2: don't change just because your job title does. And once
34:29
Speaker 2: we refocused on that common ground, the friendship came back.
34:32
Speaker 1: Not exactly the same as before, but solid in a
34:35
Speaker 1: new way. But here's the thing. Not every friendship can
34:38
Speaker 1: make that transition. Some friendships really were just about proximity,
34:42
Speaker 1: and when the proximity goes there's nothing underneath, and you
34:44
Speaker 1: have to accept that not every friendship is meant to
34:47
Speaker 1: last forever.
34:47
Speaker 2: Some friendships are for a season. And that's okay, that's heavy,
34:51
Speaker 2: but it's true. And I think acknowledging that loss instead
34:54
Speaker 2: of pretending it doesn't matter, is healthier than just stuffing
34:57
Speaker 2: it down and acting like you're fine. But how do
34:59
Speaker 2: you know the difference between a friendship that's evolving and
35:02
Speaker 2: a friendship that's dying, Because sometimes it feels like the
35:06
Speaker 2: same thing. How do you know if you're just in
35:08
Speaker 2: a dry patch or if the friendship is actually ending.
35:11
Speaker 2: That's deep And I think a lot of people listening
35:14
Speaker 2: right now are probably thinking about a specific friendship, Like
35:18
Speaker 2: they're hearing this and going, man, I should really call
35:20
Speaker 2: so and so. And if that's you, do it right now,
35:24
Speaker 2: pause this episode and send them a text, because the
35:26
Speaker 2: longer you wait, the harder it gets. Every day you
35:30
Speaker 2: don't reach out is another day of distance doing its work. Okay,
35:34
Speaker 2: I want to share one more story and then we'll
35:35
Speaker 2: move on to some rapid fire tips. So my friend Terrence,
35:39
Speaker 2: we've been friends since we were twelve years old, met
35:42
Speaker 2: in middle school, clicked immediately and over the years we've
35:45
Speaker 2: lived in the same city, different cities, different states, different
35:49
Speaker 2: time zones. We've been through everything together, first, heartbreaks, family, deaths,
35:54
Speaker 2: career changes, all of it. And there was a period
35:57
Speaker 2: about five years ago where we didn't talk for almost
36:00
Speaker 2: to year, not because of a fight, not because of drama,
36:03
Speaker 2: just because life happened. He got married, I changed jobs,
36:06
Speaker 2: we both got busy, and the calls got less frequent,
36:09
Speaker 2: and then they stopped a whole year, and I remember
36:12
Speaker 2: thinking at the time, I think we might be done,
36:14
Speaker 2: like I think this friendship might have run its course.
36:17
Speaker 2: It was sad, but I was starting to accept it.
36:19
Speaker 2: And then one day he called me and he said, bro,
36:21
Speaker 2: I had a dream about you last night, and it
36:23
Speaker 2: made me realize I haven't talked to you in way
36:25
Speaker 2: too long. And then I laughed and I said, yeah,
36:27
Speaker 2: it's been almost a year, and he said that's unacceptable.
36:31
Speaker 2: Right then, and from that day we started talking again regularly,
36:35
Speaker 2: like it never stopped. We picked up right where we
36:37
Speaker 2: left off for about five minutes, and then it was
36:40
Speaker 2: like no time had passed at all. We fell right
36:43
Speaker 2: back into our rhythm, same jokes, same energy, same connection.
36:48
Speaker 2: And that's the mark of a real friendship, the kind
36:50
Speaker 2: that survives anything, the kind that's built on something deeper
36:54
Speaker 2: than proximity or convenience, the kind that can survive a
36:58
Speaker 2: year of silence and comebacks strong. So here's what I
37:01
Speaker 2: want everyone to do after this episode. Make a list
37:03
Speaker 2: of the friends you've lost touch with because of distance.
37:06
Speaker 2: Not the ones you drifted from for a good reason,
37:08
Speaker 2: not the toxic ones, not the ones who hurt you,
37:11
Speaker 2: the good ones, the ones you miss when it's late
37:13
Speaker 2: at night and you're scrolling through old photos, and reach
37:16
Speaker 2: out to one of them this week. Just one, send
37:18
Speaker 2: a text, make a call, and see what happens. Beautifully said.
37:21
Speaker 1: All right, Before we wrap up the main topic, let's
37:24
Speaker 1: do a quick, rapid fire round of tips for maintaining
37:26
Speaker 1: long distance friendships.
37:28
Speaker 2: Ready. Tick one, Schedule regular check ins and protect them
37:32
Speaker 2: like you would a meeting with your boss. Don't let
37:34
Speaker 2: other stuff crowd out your friendship time Tip three. Celebrate
37:37
Speaker 2: their wins publicly, repost their achievements. Make them feel seen
37:40
Speaker 2: and appreciated, even from far away. Tick five, be honest
37:44
Speaker 2: when you're feeling disconnected. Don't let resentment build up silently.
37:48
Speaker 2: Have the conversation even when it's awkward. Tick seven. Send
37:52
Speaker 2: voice memos. They feel more personal than texts and more
37:55
Speaker 2: convenient that calls. You can listen to them while doing
37:57
Speaker 2: dishes or walking the dog. Tip nine, don't keep score
38:01
Speaker 2: if you're counting who called last, who texted first, who
38:03
Speaker 2: visited whom. The friendship is already in trouble, let go
38:06
Speaker 2: of the ledger. And that's the main topic for today.
38:08
Speaker 2: Long distance friendships. They're hard, but they're worth it. And
38:12
Speaker 2: if you're going through it right now, know that you're
38:15
Speaker 2: not alone and there are things you can do to
38:17
Speaker 2: keep that friendship alive. Don't let the miles win. Okay,
38:22
Speaker 2: So today's shout out goes to Timeless Bible Stories. If
38:25
Speaker 2: you haven't checked this one out yet, you are seriously
38:27
Speaker 2: missing out. It's hosted by Pastor Eli, and he brings
38:30
Speaker 2: these stories from the Bible to life in a way
38:32
Speaker 2: that I've never heard before. And I grew up going
38:34
Speaker 2: to church. I've heard these stories one hundred times, but
38:37
Speaker 2: the way he tells them is different exactly. And the
38:40
Speaker 2: production quality is top notch. They've got sound effects, music,
38:44
Speaker 2: the whole package. It's not just someone reading scripture into
38:46
Speaker 2: a microphone. It's a full audio experience. You close your
38:49
Speaker 2: eyes and you're there. Sof you're in a great storytelling,
38:52
Speaker 2: great production, and stories that have shaped civilization. Go check
38:55
Speaker 2: out Timeless Bible Stories on spreaker. Trust me, you won't
38:58
Speaker 2: regret it, all right, everybody, That is our show for today,
39:01
Speaker 2: EP zero zero three in the books long Distance Friendships,
39:05
Speaker 2: Hopefully this episode gave you some real talk and some
39:07
Speaker 2: practical tips to keep those important friendships alive no matter
39:10
Speaker 2: how many miles are between you always. If you enjoyed
39:13
Speaker 2: this episode, please subscribe and follow All about Friendships on spreaker.
39:17
Speaker 2: Leave us a review if you can. It really helps
39:19
Speaker 2: us reach more people who need to hear this stuff.
39:21
Speaker 2: We're also on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere else you
39:24
Speaker 2: listen to podcasts. You can find us on spreaker just
39:26
Speaker 2: search All about Friendships. We're also on social media for
39:29
Speaker 2: behind the scenes content and bonus material. Follow us on
39:32
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok Ooh, that's gonna be a good one.
39:35
Speaker 2: I already know we're gonna have some strong opinions on that.
39:38
Speaker 2: Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it. Pease, everybody,
39:41
Speaker 2: We'll see you next time.
39:43
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