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Narcissist become relationship chameleons · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  Today we're talking about how narcissists, our relationship
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  chameleons, how they become whoever they need to become to
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  get you to fall for them If you're new here, my name is Lee
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  Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. So welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, yes, yes. Relationship chameleons like
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  this is one of the things that so many people, you know, I hear
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  about so many times when people are dealing with narcissists and
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  toxic people. How when the narcissist leaves
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  them and gets into a new relationship, they they become
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  somewhat completely different. They start to act like somebody
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  completely different. It's like you never knew them in
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  the 1st place, right? This happens so much in toxic
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  relationship dynamics. Like when I'm doing, when I'm
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  doing my one on ones over Zoom or when I'm talking to my my
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  support group and we're not. People are saying the same
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  thing. They'll say like, like, yeah,
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  when they left me, they became the the new supply is an
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  atheist. So we, my family, we were super
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  Christian. Now they're an atheist.
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  Now they're not an atheist anymore.
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  Now they come back to me. Now they're being super
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  Christian. Again, like narcissistic people,
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  our relationship chameleons, they become whoever they need to
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  become in order to get you to fall for them.
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  And I think that's what a lot of people need to realize is that,
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  like, when you first meet a narcissist, you're not meeting
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  the real version of them. You're meeting their
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  representative. You're meeting the person that
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  they send to you. You're meeting Kind of like a
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  blank slate. You know you're meeting, you're
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  meeting a few bits and pieces of of their actual personality,
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  right? But it's an it's an incomplete
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  personality. It's a blank.
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  It's a blank canvas. They have the paint, they have
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  the paint, they have the the, the, the brushes and everything.
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  But they don't have, like, they don't have their full picture
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  until they get to know you. So when I'm getting to know you
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  now, I can mirror you. Now I can become whoever I need
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  to become in order to get you right.
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  Because that's what happened. So much narcissist.
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  A lot of narcissist lack a true identity.
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  Like, we don't know who the hell we are, so how could you?
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  We don't love ourselves completely, so how could you
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  love us? We are a wreck, right?
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  So in order. But like, I care about you.
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  I feel a certain type of way about you.
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  I you meet my needs, you make me feel good about myself.
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  So how do I do that if I don't think that you can love me for
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  me, right. And this is what I'm convincing
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  myself of. I don't think you can love me
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  for me because my parents didn't love me for me, right?
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  I got neglected and not validated as a child.
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  So something must be wrong with me.
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  So in this space right here, because like, I don't think you
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  can love me for me. So I mean who I who do I need to
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  become. Let me become you.
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  Let me pick up the same interest as you.
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  Let me dress similar to you. Let me like the same musical
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  artist as you. Even though I've never liked
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  these people before. Let me become an A different
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  version of you because that's what that's typically what
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  happens. They just become a different
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  version of you. I'm sorry, I'll keep checking my
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  watch. I just got a good review from my
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  Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship
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  Course Link is in the description of every video and
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  podcast that I do. That's a good review.
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  I appreciate it. But yes, that's how it goes
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  right there. They they like say if I don't
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  know who I am and I'm struggling to love myself, then I think you
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  can't love me either. I think that you're going to
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  struggle to love me as well. So it's just like it gets into
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  that space, into this dynamic. They're like if you can't love
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  me, then what the hell are we doing here?
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  So I need to like if you can't love me for me, then I need to
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  be you. So it's essentially you fall in
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  love with a a version of yourself.
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  So in the case, it sounds crazy when I say that to people, when
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  I tell people, you've essentially fell in love with a
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  different version of yourself and people are like, damn, So
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  does that mean I'm lovable? Yes, you're lovable.
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  They like said you, you have so many traits that they picked up
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  that they liked that they became you.
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  They took your traits. They liked chameleon.
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  They became a chameleon. You know, a chameleon.
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  A chameleon changes colors or whatever surface is on, you
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  know, for the to defend itself. So narcissists are relationship
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  chameleons. To defend myself in this
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  relationship, I'm going to change my color instead of no, I
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  can't change my color here. Y'all know, y'all, wait, you
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  can't change the fact that you're black?
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  No, not changing my color. I'm changing my my personality.
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  I'm changing my shell. You say I can't change the
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  external. So instead of changing the
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  external shell, what they can't do, they can change their
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  clothes and how they dress and things like that.
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  They can change their hairstyle and when you can change the
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  external style, but it's really changing the internal a little
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  bit. It's changing how they express
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  themselves a little bit, You know, they make subtle tweaks to
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  get you to fall in love with them.
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  And then y'all, guess what happens when you fall for them.
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  Typically when you fall for them, that's when you see you
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  start seeing the real version of them.
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  That's when you start to realize y'all don't really like the same
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  things, y'all don't really share the same interests.
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  That's when you start to realize a lot, a lot of this stuff
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  starts to hit you in the head. You're like, damn, you know what
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  we don't you don't really like? You don't like country music.
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  I thought you loved country music.
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  I mean, I hate country music. I just like that because you
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  like it. What?
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  So this is what happens a lot of times.
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  Y'all when they leave you, when they finally decide to leave the
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  leave your relationship, or they discard you, or you break up
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  with them and they end up with someone else.
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  That's why a lot of times you don't recognize them anymore.
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  They didn't grew their hair out there and shaved their hair.
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  It could look like they're going through a midlife crisis or
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  something like that. But a lot of times they're just
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  changing to meet the to, to get the other person, to get the
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  next person to fall for them. They're becoming the chameleon.
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  They're changing their shell. They're changing their external
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  and their internal a little bit to match this other person, To
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  get love from this other person, to get their needs met from this
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  other person they just had. They had to go about it in a
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  different way because this is the mindset of a lot of
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  narcissistic people. If I don't think I can love me,
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  then how the hell can you? If I don't love me, then how can
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  you? So is if this next person
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  doesn't love me. If I don't love me, how can the
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  next person so I start to become the next person?
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  Well, Lee, how the hell did they get so good at mirroring people?
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  First of all, they pick it up from childhood.
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  You know, we pick it up from childhood.
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  It's like a childhood thing that we that we adapt.
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  In our childhood, you know, we were little baby chameleons.
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  You know, we're little chameleons when we're younger.
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  But the older we get, the more we, the more skill we pick up on
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  it. It's quicker.
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  You know, we start reading. For me personally, I started
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  reading body language books and studying people's online dating
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  profiles to get them involved. For me, I know it sounds bad.
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  I'm not trying to be braggadocio, but I'm just
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  telling you the tips and tricks so you can protect yourself so
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  you can save yourself a lot of time, effort and energy.
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  You do an online dating, which is OK these days because that's
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  how you beat people. Just put limited stuff on there.
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  Y'all ask people what they are looking for, not what you're
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  looking for. Don't answer that question
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  first. Why can't y'all ask that
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  question first? What are you looking for?
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  You know they give you some bland ass answer.
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  Do they really don't have anything going?
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  They really don't have any goals set for this relationship space.
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  They're waiting for you to answer so they can mirror your
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  answers back. Don't tell you, take your time,
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  don't put on your dating profiles.
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  And I'm looking to be married and have kids with the next year
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  or so that because you're going to get a lot of crazy people out
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  here who look, now all of a sudden they didn't even want
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  kids. They got a vasectomy.
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  They, you know, they got the tubes tied or something like
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  that. And you know now they're coming
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  to you tomorrow. They want a family.
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  They want kids and they they know they don't really want
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  them, but you because they like you, they might have been
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  physically attracted to you or something about you caught their
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  eye. They want to get their needs met
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  from you. Now they all of a sudden want
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  kids in the family. They're becoming you.
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  They're picking up your traits. That's why when they get in,
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  when they get into your life, you get some narcissists that
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  become you so much that they try to replace you in your own damn
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  life. That's crazy, isn't it?
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  They try to replace you in your own damn life.
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  They try so hard to be in these spaces and dynamics and these
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  lifestyles with you that they try to replace you in your own
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  life. Ain't that ass backwards.
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  They try to take your friends, they try to integrate themselves
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  into your friend groups. They, some of them will try to
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  become, get close to your friends and family.
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  You know, we know a lot of narcissists don't like your
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  friends and family, but there are some.
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  They try to integrate themselves into your life so deeply, it's
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  like they damn near trying to replace you.
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  If y'all work together, damn sure they try to replace you.
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  You know, and this is not just a toxic relationship, like
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  intimate relationship. This can be your friend, this
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  can be your sibling because you know, narcissistic people, they
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  lack personality, they lack identity.
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  So that's what they're going to do.
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  They're going to mirror their friends too.
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  Sometimes they're trying to mirror a friend.
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  They start to act like a friend. They start to cut their hair and
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  dress like and do everything, pick up the same hobbies as
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  their BFF, right? And then they try to isolate and
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  get the BFF out of the group. They'll do that as well.
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  It's not just boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife.
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  This could be your best friend doing this to you.
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  This could be one of your damn parents doing this to you.
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  Some of your parents. Yeah, it's going to sound crazy,
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  but some of your parents, some of your parents can mirror you
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  as well. Imagine you have imagine like a
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  lot of narcissistic parents are jealous of their kids.
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  But you say if you're if they're jealous of their kids and you
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  have this bright bulbing, you have this bright enthusiastic,
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  I'm, you know, this great personality, they might try to
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  take your personality from you. You know they might try to start
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  acting like you you get sometimes they you know you get
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  parents, some parents they just try to live vicariously through
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  their kids. A lot of narcissists will do
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  that as well by trying to replace their kids and their
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  friend groups by just competing with their kids, trying to hold
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  their kids back. They do this, y'all they do
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  this, you know it's just like you get a lot of people in these
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  spaces. I thought I do so many one on
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  one's. For people that say Lee, when
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  they left the relationship they started to act completely
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  different like they're new with the new person.
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  They did join the damn cult. They now they're now they're
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  anti like we were just we we were back we were super super
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  vax family and they're anti vax. Now they're doing all kinds of
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  craziness, but then they give, they come back to you y'all in
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  the back together somehow, and they drop all that stuff because
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  it's just a it's just a color that they need to portray to
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  survive like a damn chameleon. It's a coat.
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  It's a protective shield that they need in order to survive.
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  Like a damn chameleon. This is what happens.
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  Y'all. That's what I'm just saying.
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  You you would never, ever truly know the narcissist unless you
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  get them mad or unless you get them drunk.
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  You know, unless you set a boundary.
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  That's what I tell you. Set boundaries early on as you
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  ask the questions. Don't let them ask the
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  questions. Because if they're asking you
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  questions now, they have the blueprint.
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  It's like, you know, it's like a damn narcissist.
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  Not not only relationship chameleons, their relationship
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  architects as well say they need a blueprint to be able to be
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  able to build this identity, their relationship architects of
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  identity. So they're looking to you,
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  they're probing you for information to meet their to get
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  their blueprints just right, to create the perfect character
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  that they need to be, to get you to fall in love with them or to
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  get you to to replace you in your own life within your own
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  space and whatnot. So that's why I tell them you'll
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  never ever truly know the narcissist.
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  And they're going to change and change and change.
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  Like if you've been with this person for a long time or you
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  have to Co parent with them and they've been in multiple
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  relationships since y'all got out of it, you're going to watch
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  them transform into different people because the same things
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  that work to love bomb, you might not work to love bomb the
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  next person, you might not have different, you might not have
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  the same interests as the new person, their new supplies.
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  So they got to pick up new interests, new hobbies, new new
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  things to get this person to fall for them.
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  So that's part of it as well. Y'all.
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  Anyway, y'all let me cut this thing short.
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  I'll try to keep these around with 12 minutes or so.
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  Make sure you use it like subscribe to this channel, check
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  out my support groups and my courses.
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  More courses coming soon, meetups coming soon as well.
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  Y'all have some work in person, workshops coming up, working on
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  New York City here pretty soon and some North Carolina stuff as
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  well. Y'all be safe until this is out
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
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  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
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  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.