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How can I adapt without losing my identity? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Social circles can shift.
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  SPEAKER_00: Careers change, people move, priorities evolve, and the friends you saw every week might now be the friends you see twice a year, if that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now that doesn't mean something's gone wrong, as it is a normal part of growing, and it is common to worry that adapting to new people or new routines means losing a sense of who you are.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: If this feels unsettling right now, just take a moment to ground yourself in what's actually true, not what the worry is trying to tell you.
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  SPEAKER_00: So simply ask yourself what are three things about me that haven't changed, regardless of who's around me?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's your sense of humour, your values, the way you show up for people.
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  SPEAKER_00: And naming these out loud, even quietly to yourself can help remind you that your identity isn't something other people hold for you because it's something that you carry with you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a useful shift is separating your identity from your habits.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when your social circle changes, the habits attached to it often changes too, like the inside jokes, the regular meetups, the routines that you build together over time.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that can feel like you're losing yourself, but really you're losing a context.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And try asking what do I actually value in how I connect with people rather than who used to fulfil that, as that question helps you carry your values into new relationships instead of trying to recreate old ones exactly as they were.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And practical way to support yourself with this is by starting small.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So keep one or two low effort activities with people from your old circle, like a monthly call or a voice note, something that doesn't rely on your proximity.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, stay open to new connections, even ones that don't look like our usual friendships.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you're feeling unsure of yourself in new social settings, then tell one person you trust how you're feeling, as saying it out loud tends to take the pressure off.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this shift is bringing up ongoing low moods, isolation, or a sense that you don't know who you are outside of certain people, that's worth talking through with the therapist.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you feel persistently disconnected or unable to cope with day to day, you don't have to sit with that alone and you can reach out for support like to your GP.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you can head back into the app anytime for more on navigating changing social circles.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.