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What's Your Enneagram Type's Communication Stance? · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Amy Wicks, a Jesus and Enneagram enthusiast.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: As a wife, mom of three humans, and a fur baby, I get it.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Juggling entrepreneurship in a family is challenging.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: But I believe the Lord does want your work to be enjoyable.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: As an Enneagram type 7, I am all about the fun factor.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this podcast is here to help you put the joy back into working mom life.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you can see 1 Timothy 6.17 come to pass in your own thing.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's a verse that says, God has given us all things to enjoy.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: All?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, friends, it means all.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood, work from home life, or work out of the home life.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: With the Lord's help, there's truly a way to feel calm, balance, joy, clarity, and peace in any arena of life.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Simply Full Hearted Podcast, where you can expect solo style and interview style episodes that are full of faith-based concepts, simple ideas, Enneagram insights, alongside practical tips to help you put that smile back on your face when it comes to doing life with Jesus.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now get your headphones and head to that big pile of dishes in the sink.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe that bathroom that needed cleaning two weeks ago.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get to learning together.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you've lived any bit of time on this planet, then you may have observed three different styles of communication and decision making that you see in others.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm curious to know which is more like you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you tend to ready, ready, ready, aim fire?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you ready, aim, aim, aim, fire?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you fire aim ready?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'll be the first to admit I'm guilty of the latter.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as I continue to grow in self-awareness, I'm moving ever so slowly to the rhythm of ready, aim, fire.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's insights like this about your communication and decision-making style that is so beneficial for you, the Mompreneur, making decisions for business and workplace and for your marriage.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Especially as you most likely married someone who does things in a different order than you do.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And more often than not, raising kids that have a style that clashes with yours.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why in this episode and the ones coming here in just a few weeks, I am focusing on helping you better understand what communication style and decision-making tendencies you possess, and what you need to be aware of when you engage with others.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So have you ever wondered why you withdraw from your spouse when things get heavy?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Have you noticed people shrinking back when you assert your presence?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you prefer to relate or go along with an idea?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps you even get frustrated with those who don't declare their opinion.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram helps define these relational dynamics as three distinct communication stances.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this specific podcast episode is going to help you understand what is happening in your relationships, which communication stance you fall into, and why others interact with you the way they do.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, you're going to hear me refer to the stances as communication styles, or again, communication stances.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: The terms are interchangeable, and I've attempted to use them in a way to help you better understand this teaching.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's so valuable to learn about your communication stance as it can be eye-opening as you dig into how you behave and respond to others, both in healthy and unhealthy ways.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Communication stances are best described how each type relates to others to meet their needs.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing your Enneagram stance helps you to answer the question, when you want something, how are you most likely to act to get it?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Also, when you think of the word stance, think of posture and how a person might stand.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: The stance conveys how a person most naturally engages or postures themselves with others.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do you assert yourself to get what you want?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Do you consent to others' requests?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you avoid or repress your opinion?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not only will this episode help you gain better understanding of your communication style, but I've also created a brand new Enneagram quiz to help you determine your default communication style in Enneagram type.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: As you listen to this episode, you can check out the wholehearted Enneagram quiz link in the show notes to learn more about yourself and others today.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I also highly recommend listening to this episode a second or third time and maybe inviting your spouse or teenager to listen in with you.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is really helpful to not only understand yourself, but also your spouse and child's communication.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Frequently, if you don't know your friends or family's Enneagram type, the Enneagram stance or Enneagram communication teaching can be enlightening for your relationships.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: You might not know what Enneagram type they are, but you can tell if they withdraw or they get aggressive when you have conflict.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can learn how to deal with them in a fruitful way.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: As some of you might know if you watch my Instagram stories, I took on the crazy challenge of being the K through 12 PE teacher at my kids' private school just a couple years ago.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, we're a relatively small school.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the position of being a PE teacher, well, it's been stretching to me, to say the least.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, one of the challenges is that we live in the Midwest and the gym class is held outside.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have an indoor space big enough.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: So that means it's blazing hot August through October, and then I get to freeze my hine off most of the rest of the year until about the last four weeks.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: The other thing that has been stretching is well, if you've taught kids, you know what the challenge is to create and form games that can be adjusted for each class that I spend 30 minutes with on a Friday morning.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm certainly had to think of my feet.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the other challenge, well, there's just a wide variety of personalities to work with.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm constantly thinking through how do I get them to work together?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: How do I help each one of them have a good experience?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And how do I get each of those kids to play fair and kind?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And how do I even get some of them just to play the game?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, back the first summer we were talking about beginning this PE program, the school headmaster and I, we thought it would be super fun to get a gaga ball pit for the playground.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you haven't seen or played gaga ball, well you can look it up on YouTube, but for now you should know it's a hexagon or octagon structure made out of durable plastic or wood and at least 12 feet across.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's played like dodgeball but in a confined space, and you have to either be in the structure or out of the structure.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's lots of little rules, but the goal of the game is to not get hit with the ball from the waist down.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you're out.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't think that either the headmaster or I would realize that we might come to regret getting the goggle pit for the schoolyard.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the kids were ecstatic.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized the first week that I was gonna have my work cut out for me because as I was teaching the game or as I was telling them we were gonna play the game, every kid came with their own idea of how to play, and even their own rules or the goal of the game.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just say a few of the kids were not thrilled when I shared the official gaga pit rules.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Some of them were delighted that there were rules to follow, but then the remaining just zoned out as I explained the rules once they heard the fastest way to get out of the game.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't take long before I realized kids in a gaga ball pit provided one of the most brilliant ways to determine and explain communication styles as it relates to the Enneagram.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's genius, and if you follow along with me, I know you'll walk away with deep insight about yourself, your family, and even your coworkers.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not the full typing process, but the stances are a key step to determining someone's dominant type and how they connect or disconnect with others.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So back to the PE.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Week after week, as I taught the game to kids from ages 5 to 17, I found myself observing clear behavior patterns with each child who got into that goggle ball pit.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: There was one group of kids playing and involved with the game, not just because they were competitive, but because it was a way to engage with their classmates socially.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: They would do one of several things.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: They would either be in the middle of the action, or they would be the ones loudly cheering others on, even if they got out, or they were also the kids who pretended they didn't care about the game if they didn't catch on to the game as quickly as they want, or if they weren't as good as they hoped.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was another set of kids.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: These were the kids who were eager to know the rules.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: They were great about playing by the rules, and they also liked to make sure that everyone else was playing by the rules.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: This group of kids was often more concerned about how others felt about the game or if someone was feeling hurt or left out.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: These kids also were hesitant to make big plays that could maybe cause other kids to get mad at them.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, one last group of the kids were often found in a corner of the pit, and they would be as low as possible, or even I would find them huddling behind a group of people, or even they would just get out as quickly as possible.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: This group of kids were definitely not the ones jumping up and down with excitement about the games that we played for PE.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Especially in my younger group of kids, grades K through 3, I really had to make sure this group of kids weren't wandering off to play alone or get on the swings that were far away from the crowd.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, can you picture these different responses with me?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: These different rules of engagement, if you will.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Those who were so excited to engage socially with others, those who were caring about others' feelings and wanting to help their teammates and not cause too much trouble, and then those, well, who just couldn't wait to get out of there and who preferred to play off alone by themselves.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as you apply this fun illustration to your life, it can help you learn a little bit more about each communication stance.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: First, I'm going to give you insight into the types who were excited to play the game because it was a way to engage with their classmates, or who would find themselves in the middle of the action.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: These are the personalities that fall into the assertive communication stance.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Those in the assertive Enneagram stance become bold and more aggressive to get what they desire or in order to achieve a goal.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you fit in this communication stance, you may resort to expansive solutions in an assertive way when you struggle to connect with feelings.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than backing down and withdrawing, you most often react to stress or difficulty by boosting or expanding your sense of self.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: You will go outside yourself towards others to get your desired resolution and your assertiveness.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: You even possess an inner drive that displays itself as never-ending energy, and you're thinking, what needs to be done next?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in the assertive stance, here are some attributes that you might exhibit.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you know someone in the assertive stance, these are attributes you might observe.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: High energy, optimism, positivity, enthusiasm, goal-oriented, and very driven.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: In summary, the assertive stance becomes bold and more aggressive to get what you desire or to achieve a goal.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: However, just like everything with the Enneagram, there are some downsides to these natural behaviors.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You might be impulsive or take bold action too soon without thinking through things and considering the consequences.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: You might not stop to consider how your assertiveness might be driving people away or negatively impacting the people around you.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: But does this assertive stance feel familiar to you?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you thinking of a few people you know who fall in this stance?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram types that fit in this assertive stance are types 3, 7, and 8.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: The next communication style explains more about those who, in my illustration, were eager to know the rules, to play by the rules, and to make sure everyone played by the rules.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the dutiful communication style or stance.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: The dutiful Enneagram stance is less bold and persistent than the assertive types, and they rely more on their relationships to achieve what they want.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you fit in the stance or communication style, you offer compliant solutions in a dutiful way.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you might also struggle with independent thinking.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: You are often reliant on others, and you come alongside the ideas or visions of others or group thinking for resolution.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: You are constantly asking yourself, how can I satisfy the expectations others have of me?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or how can I be a responsible person?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here are some attributes you might exhibit if you fall into the dutiful communication style.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or these are some attributes you might observe in others who fit in the dutiful communication stance.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Reasoning to solve problems.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: They come up with creative solutions.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: You consider the needs of others around you.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: You are all about fostering positive relationships, and you exhibit care and empathy.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: In summary, the dutiful stance is less bold and persistent than the assertive types, and you rely more on your relationships to achieve what you want.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: However, on the downside, dutiful stance types risk becoming self-sacrificial.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: That is, you put aside too many of your desires for the benefit of the greater good.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this might mean you don't advocate for yourself, or you possibly leave yourself vulnerable to be taken advantage of both in work and home environments.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: You may overhelp or even help when it's not wanted, and sometimes you do all of that in order to avoid your own needs.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Does this description feel familiar to you?
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or does it describe some people you interact with on a regular basis?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram types that fit into the dutiful stance are types one, two, and six.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now last but not least, the group of kids who found a corner of the pit got as low as possible, or those that would huddle behind a group of people, or the kids that got out of the game as quickly as possible.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I believe this best illustrates the withdrawing communication style or stance.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: The withdrawing Enneagram stance best pursues goals and desires when they have the chance to be by themselves and away from others.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you are in the withdrawing stance, you use detached solutions, withdrawing when you struggle to engage your doing center, and this gives you a chance to think, plan, and research in peace.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of relying on the help of others to get what you want, you look inward, and you highly value self-authenticity and rely on your knowledge and inner strength to lead you where you're trying to go.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you fit into the withdrawing Enneagram stance, or know of those who fall into this stance, here are some attributes that you might see insightful, clever, curious, knowledgeable, smart, witty, and self-aware.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: In summary, the withdrawing stance best pursues goals and desires when you have the chance to be by yourself and away from others.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: However, the withdrawing stance can sometimes struggle with connecting with others and in social relationships.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your need to be withdrawn can lead you to become too self-reliant and not as actively engaged in your relationships.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: You may want others to notice you, but you may be reluctant and hold back.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is not to say you cannot maintain friendships or close relationships.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, if you are in the withdrawing stance, you do best given time and space to think introspectively.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: So how about this description?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Are you nodding your head?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or does it accurately portray someone in your home?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: The Enneagram types that fit the withdrawing stance are types four, five, and nine.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, friend, did you learn something new today?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many elements about the Enneagram that I would love to share with you, but that's why I've got more for you in the next weeks ahead, whether it's about decision making or each of the nine types.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: And many of my coaching clients have found the session's focus on their communication style as one of the most beneficial in the 90 Days to Wholehearted You program.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also incredibly beneficial in the Becoming Us Enneagram marriage coaching.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, after listening to all of this, are you more confident about which communication style you are, or those in your home?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: You may have listened and felt like all of the communication styles are you.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you are correct.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: You may step in and out of these communication stances daily.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: The better question is, how have you been communicating most of your life?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Which one is most natural, and how do you know when you're interacting with others in a healthy way?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've created my new free Enneagram quiz to help you determine which one is most like you because relational growth, self-discipline, and lasting life change begins with self-awareness.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Again, the link to that wholehearted Enneagram quiz is in the show notes.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as you listen to these, did you feel any frustration about your communication style or the one that you relate to?
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, friend, but knowledge is power.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing more about how others perceive you can transform your closest relationships.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Using your newfound knowledge the right way can strengthen your relationship with Jesus, create relationships that flourish, and even help you thrive in your business with coworkers or clients or employees.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now that you are learning that not everyone communicates like you, and it's not wrong of them to communicate differently than you, you can begin thinking about how others are motivated, driven, and then you might possess more patience with their unique pace.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you know you interact with others a certain way, whether it's withdrawing or being assertive or going along to get along, this doesn't mean you can't learn to respond in a different way.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Remember at the beginning, no matter how you ready or aim or fire, the goal is to learn how to redirect your focus of attention for more of a calm, ready aim fire.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Once you discern your natural or default pattern of communicating with others, the goal is to expand your focus and therefore learn not to rely only on instinct, but instead to thoughtfully respond.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Before you download the next episode on your playlist, I imagine you may have thought of one or two friends who would enjoy this episode, or who you want to have listened to this episode so you can understand them better.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And caring is sharing.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can use your app's share feature and pass this along with a little note of what you learned.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can share it to your Instagram stories or direct messages, or all the other apps pretty much on your phone.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, next week I'm going to be back with more specific insights about your decision-making tendencies.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much to pass along, I can't wait.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: So until next time, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your wholehearted life.