Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #153 I'll Do Better Tomorrow Review

Transcript

#153 I'll Do Better Tomorrow Review · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's that quality of the connection that really is the
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  Speaker 1: currency of our relationships. It's the Happy Families podcast. It's
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  Speaker 1: the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just answers mew.
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  Speaker 1: My name is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six
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  Speaker 1: books about raising happy families. I'm here with my wife
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  Speaker 1: and the mum to our six daughters, missus Happy Families,
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  Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson. This episode is the moment of truth episode. Really,
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  Speaker 1: this is the old do Better Tomorrow update where we
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  Speaker 1: kind of highlight that we're not really chasing perfection in parenting.
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  Speaker 1: We're just trying to make our families happier.
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  Speaker 2: I'm pretty exhausted this morning. I've had a really bad night.
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  Speaker 1: Please you kept me up all night. I know I've
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  Speaker 1: had a bad night sleep as well. You know it's
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  Speaker 1: too thirty this morning, and I know it was yeah,
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  Speaker 1: thank you? Or do you know what was keeping me up? No,
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  Speaker 1: well it wasn't me, but you were keeping me up.
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  Speaker 1: Why were you awake?
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  Speaker 2: I was having podcasts conversations with you in my head
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  Speaker 2: for hours, really, and you know what it made me
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  Speaker 2: think about when we very first got married. You were
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  Speaker 2: a radio announcer back then, and I don't know if
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  Speaker 2: you remember this, but you used to talking asleep a lot. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: but one night in particular, you had me freaked out
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  Speaker 2: because literally, bolt right up in bed. You're bashing the
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  Speaker 2: end of our bed as though it was the radio
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  Speaker 2: panel because you thought that you'd gone off air.
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  Speaker 1: It was a recurring nightmare. It happened. It didn't happen
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  Speaker 1: so much after we were married. But when I was
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  Speaker 1: younger and I was first in radio, I used to
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  Speaker 1: wake up in the middle of the all the time
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  Speaker 1: thinking that the radio station had gone off air and
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  Speaker 1: I was solely responsible for we'd gone dark? How did
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  Speaker 1: we get the radio station back on air? And then
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  Speaker 1: then I would realize that I was in bed, and
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  Speaker 1: I think, oh no, we've gone off air, and I've
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  Speaker 1: gone home and let the radio station go off here
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  Speaker 1: like it was really this oriented. It was terrible. So well,
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  Speaker 1: my situation was not as manic as that was.
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  Speaker 3: The podcast good that you were. I had multi conversations.
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  Speaker 3: I'm not sure which one to listen to. It was
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  Speaker 3: as good as this one, So I'll do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 3: The idea here is that we recognize the things that
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  Speaker 3: we're not doing so well. And I mean I guess
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  Speaker 3: for somebody who listening to the podcast, it could be easy.
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  Speaker 1: To assume that Justin and Kyleie have got it going great.
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  Speaker 1: They know exactly what's going on. Justin it's got the PhD.
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  Speaker 1: They've got the six kids. They're on fire. We have
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  Speaker 1: our moments, and I want to start off this podcast
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  Speaker 1: by highlighting a moment that I had that was really
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  Speaker 1: really eye opening for me. So it's really inconvenient in
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  Speaker 1: the mornings to get our year ten daughter to school.
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  Speaker 1: Our year twelve daughter's done now, she's finished school, but
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  Speaker 1: our year ten daughter, she's sort of ten minutes to
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  Speaker 1: the east of us is where her school is. And
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  Speaker 1: then the other three kids, their schools are to the
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  Speaker 1: west of us and we ride them there. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: we talk about that bike ride all the time on
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  Speaker 1: the podcast because it's such a highlight for them and
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  Speaker 1: for us. But because it's so challenging to travel with
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  Speaker 1: Ella to her school, we've made the decision that I'm
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: not going to drive her anymore. It was inconvenient.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we brought this up a couple of weeks ago
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  Speaker 2: on the podcast because you actually had a conversation with
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  Speaker 2: her about finding a suitable solution because the solution we
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  Speaker 2: had at the time wasn't working. And now a few
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  Speaker 2: weeks later, we've realized that the solution that you both
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  Speaker 2: came up with was still not working.
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  Speaker 1: Oh it was a good solution, but it was still
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  Speaker 1: inconvenient because I had to drive twenty twenty five minutes
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of the morning to do that, and
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  Speaker 1: I missed out on the bike ride with the other kids.
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  Speaker 1: But now I'm really regretting it because I miss the
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  Speaker 1: conversation in the morning in the afternoon with her. She's
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  Speaker 1: such a sweet kid, and I'm not getting to engage
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  Speaker 1: with her in the same way that was really great
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  Speaker 1: quality time. And we've paid for the bus till the
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  Speaker 1: end of the year, so I'm not going to start
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  Speaker 1: driving it now. But I'm feeling really like I didn't
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  Speaker 1: realize just how valuable that time in the car was.
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  Speaker 1: Here I am the parenting expert, and all I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to do is say, oh, look, this is a pain
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  Speaker 1: driving you. You jump on the bus. I'll just pay
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  Speaker 1: for the bus. And I'm kicking myself now, I just
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  Speaker 1: want to drive it to school. So if you could
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  Speaker 1: go back, what would you do. I'd keep on driving
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  Speaker 1: at school, and I'd probably complain about it the whole time.
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  Speaker 1: I ain't doing this, but I don't hate doing it.
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  Speaker 1: I love it. I miss it. So next year, I'm
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  Speaker 1: not going to pay for the bus. I think so
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  Speaker 1: long you'll be driving, well, not for a few months,
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  Speaker 1: but I want to. I want to drive it to school.
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  Speaker 1: I think that it's a really just a sweet thing.
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  Speaker 1: So that's my that's my I guess my confession. I
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  Speaker 1: wish that I hadn't kicked her out of my life
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  Speaker 1: in the mornings and the afternoons for that twenty minutes
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  Speaker 1: each way, because it's actually I miss it and it
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  Speaker 1: was a highlight of my day.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing. As our children get older, we seem to
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  Speaker 2: find less time for them, Not so much that we
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  Speaker 2: find less time, but they've got more going on in
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  Speaker 2: their lives. And so you know that realization for you
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  Speaker 2: that that twenty minutes was just so precious.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I say it all the time to a child,
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  Speaker 1: love spelled tim But it's it's that quality of the
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  Speaker 1: connection that really is the currency of relationships. Let's find
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  Speaker 1: out what yours was in just a second. It's the
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  Speaker 1: Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
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  Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts
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  Speaker 4: of Discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
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  Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
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  Speaker 4: families dot com dot au slash shop.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers. Now. This episode is
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  Speaker 1: all about how we can do better tomorrow. I've confessed
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  Speaker 1: that I made a parenting misstep and it's going to
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  Speaker 1: cost me for the rest of the year. I've already
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  Speaker 1: had to pay for the bus, but I'm paying a
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  Speaker 1: much steper price in that I don't get the connection
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  Speaker 1: with our year ten daughder that I really I didn't
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  Speaker 1: realize how much I enjoyed it until I suddenly couldn't
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  Speaker 1: have it because she's catching the bus. So what about you,
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  Speaker 1: how do you want to do better tomorrow?
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  Speaker 2: Well, I had a bit of an unexpected win this week.
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  Speaker 2: Oh Annie, our thirteen year old, came to me recently
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  Speaker 2: and she said that she had a note that I
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  Speaker 2: needed to sign and I needed to read it because
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  Speaker 2: it was their swimming carnival. She's just moved to a
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  Speaker 2: new school, but at her previous school, she actually already
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  Speaker 2: participated in the swimming carnival at the beginning of the year,
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  Speaker 2: and so she didn't feel the need to have to
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  Speaker 2: participate at her new school.
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  Speaker 1: What's going on here? Cats and dogs are going to
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  Speaker 1: be lying down together. If there's two swimming carnivals in
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  Speaker 1: one year, I can't believe it.
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  Speaker 2: She was not really impressed, and she really didn't want
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  Speaker 2: to get involved in it, and so I listened to,
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  Speaker 2: you know, the concerns that she had, and then I
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  Speaker 2: just was able to kind of, you know, gently acknowledge
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  Speaker 2: to her that while I understood what she was feeling,
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  Speaker 2: that the experiences she'd had at the old school were
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  Speaker 2: about building community spirit at that school, but that now
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  Speaker 2: she was a part of a new community, that it
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  Speaker 2: was an important part for her to play, because number one,
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  Speaker 2: she's good at at but number two, to be involved.
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  Speaker 2: You can't say that you don't feel a part of
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  Speaker 2: something if you're not willing to interject yourself and actually,
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  Speaker 2: you know, contribute. And she can't looked at me. He
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  Speaker 2: scrunched up her nose, and she said, can you just
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  Speaker 2: sign my note? And she walked off. Well about I
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  Speaker 2: don't know maybe an hour later, she came to me
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  Speaker 2: with a note in hand and said, I've ticked all
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  Speaker 2: the boxes. I need to start swimming lessons now.
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  Speaker 1: Oh. And I looked at her and said, is that
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  Speaker 1: where that came from?
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  Speaker 2: What what is going on? And she said, well, I
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  Speaker 2: thought about what you said, mum, And she said, and
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  Speaker 2: I realized I am really good at swimming, and I
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  Speaker 2: don't think i'd feel really good about myself if I
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  Speaker 2: didn't take the opportunity to participate, especially with not knowing
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  Speaker 2: if I could have actually done well.
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  Speaker 1: So to take our message there, I mean, there's there's
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  Speaker 1: some really cool things to unpack. Number One, you've given
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  Speaker 1: her autonomy, but you don't just say, oh, whatever you want.
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  Speaker 1: That's not what autonomy support is about. It's about saying,
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  Speaker 1: let me give you a really clear rationale for why
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  Speaker 1: I think it's important that you go in and have
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  Speaker 1: some time to think about it. But you didn't guilt her.
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  Speaker 1: She had the freedom to choose, and she's made a
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  Speaker 1: much better decision than we could have probably asked for, not.
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  Speaker 2: Expecting to just one thing for her to participate in
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  Speaker 2: the swimming carnival, but she actually wants to go back
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  Speaker 2: to swimming, which was my hope has always been. Have
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  Speaker 2: always loved seeing the kids at swimming, But I never
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  Speaker 2: in a million years thought that this conversation would actually
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  Speaker 2: lead to that outcome.
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  Speaker 1: But I think the other take home message is the
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  Speaker 1: way you connected her decision to our family values as
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  Speaker 1: a family where the kind of people who contribute where
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  Speaker 1: the kind of people who have a go, and when
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  Speaker 1: we have a go, we actually really try. And so
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  Speaker 1: she's been able to connect back to those values as
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  Speaker 1: she's made her decision autonomously. It wasn't a guilt trip.
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  Speaker 1: She says, Look, this is the kind of family we are.
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  Speaker 1: You go away and have a think about it. It's
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  Speaker 1: up to you. And what a great outcome.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, she had her first day in the pool on Tuesday,
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  Speaker 2: and you just she came home. She was so excited
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  Speaker 2: to kind of just recognize and reconnect with this skill
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  Speaker 2: that she has and is effortless in the water, and
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  Speaker 2: it was just so enjoyable to listen to to her
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  Speaker 2: and hear excitement.
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  Speaker 1: Well, it sounds like you don't have to do better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: It sounds like you absolutely hit that one on their head.
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  Speaker 1: I'm definitely going to do better, certainly, next term. I
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  Speaker 1: can't wait to start driving Ella too and from school.
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  Speaker 1: I will be complaining about it. You know that day
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  Speaker 1: I do. I just I won't be able to help me.
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  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, this is inconvenient. Why can't you find your
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  Speaker 1: own way to school? Catch the bus again? I hope
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  Speaker 1: I remember this podcast and the things that I've learned here.
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  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed the podcast, we would be so grateful
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: if you would leave a rating and review at Apple Podcasts,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: because your ratings and reviews help other people to find
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: out about the podcast and make their families happier. We
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: also appreciate Justin Rulan and our executive producer Craig Bruce
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: for helping us to sound as good as we can.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: If you'd like more information on how we can make
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: your family happier, go to happy families dot com dot au,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: click on the memberships and join the family. We'd love
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: to be able to have an impact on your family's
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: lives through the Happy Families membership, and you can find
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: this on our socials, Instagram and Facebook at doctor Justin
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Colson's Happy Families